2009 年 2 月 1 日 星期日 【晴】

i rested these two days.. i watched movies at home..
i kept thinking. i catch up with friends.
i'm very unhappy. but i try to live my life.

there're someting... i dont wanna keep repeating in my life again and again..
there are something i would like more in my life. and i wonder in the past years, what the hell i did to
myself that make myself so unhappy or unsatisfied while i dont even realize how i actually feel and
think. so... when i cared for the others, i have been ignoring myself. and... some ppl know me who said
s/he loves me, they didnt stop me but take this as the advantage to manipulate me? is that what has
been happening? why am i thinking like this coz what has happened just make me feel this way.
what is true? i need some time.

>>February 2, 2009 at 3:19:39 PM GMT+8

2009 年 1 月 30 日 星期五 【晴】

hi there..



well.. today was a tough day at work and everything.
lucky enough i got myself a peaceful lunch time under the sun at the park.
i got a hot drink... logan black tea, and... some sandwiches. so yes. i got the peaceful moment.

parents are crazy. it's still CNY.. they dont wanna come, that's fine. they dont call, but i have to call to
ask them if they're coming or not. i feel like it's not my responsiblity to make sure you would show up.
you no show me, you dont call in advance, you lose your money. i dont know why it becomes me work
to make sure students sitting in class. and one crazy parent ignore everyone in the center walking
straight into the class room talking to the teacher, asking for the changes of the course curriculum
just coz her son wants another practice on different thing. i was so pissed off actually. it's like...
i have told her on phone before, and i have explaint to that boy as well that there's no way we can
do the interview class materials in the reading and writing class while there are still otehr student in.
if she wants, we could offer interview class or the private class. she asked the teacher and winked
the teacher to see if we would change that student to another class so that she can get what she
wants? she fucking forget the teacher is just the teacher, and her rude and dishonest beahviors
really disgust me. no. she is gonna listen to our rules. there is no changes i would make for such an
unreasonable request. if you want more, pay more. dont do sneaky things. dont ask my teahcer's
phone number.

i said i am... in search of the truth.. with myself.. i m searching of myself.
it might sound funny, coz.. why am i supposed to say this silly thing... i dont know. i guess those 2
weeks did have some impact on me. not coz of... anything what others did to me.. in fact i was not
allowed to communicate with Stephen, i got more.. spare time to think about myself and had more
interactions with others, while i knew i was not responsible for Stephen. i missed him so much. and
i wanted him so bad. of course i did say something to James about my situation. and i did make
everything clean and light with him. so... also thanks for the dinner with JAckie and Mable, Mable told
me Stephen has been on her list blah blah.. and.. so.. i knew what he was talking with Mable about.
i was kind of shocked as in... no matter how pissed off i am, i dont block ppl who are important to me.
coz.. in case, i wont miss any offline mesg. but Stephen did block me for some reasons. it's... not ok.
but to him i would say okay. so i was actually lying to him while i said okay.

these days.. things did change for me here.
i mean... i guess i understand him and understand more about him... but i still couldnt agree with him.
but i guess the respect we have for each others are not strong enough. i dont talk much about what
i think or feel anymore, coz... simply there's no need for me to say something personal like that.
either he would be unhappy nor angry, that doesnt make any differences. it's like... i would do the
same to those ppl i argue with on some academic topics or politics, those ppl i dont care about at all.
i said i wanna be sober.. but everyone knows i cant drink... i am not drunk but i wanna be sober.
coz... certainly there're like clouds above my head.. anyway... why would i be like that...

it could be my fault. coz i was the one who trusted him and blind myself. i'm the one who didnt care
if i would get hurt someday. i was the one who didnt wanna leave him while he did ask me to stay
away from him. i took out my faith and fall brave in love with him. i dont blame anyone.

there's nothing wrong with me either. i guess... this is the thing i'm so worried about all the time..
what's wrong with me? nothing.. there's nothing wrong with me. i'm pretty, i'm confident, independant,
educated, nice, friendly, responsible, whatever blah blah. the only thing i dont know about is... how
to deal with guys.. bad guys good guys. but i do have lots of good guy frineds before. and i dont think
i should compare myself with some other girls. i think they're hot, but other than that... so? it's just a
normal girl who has nice make up and clothes or have more to show off about her body part. if i want,
i would be the most stunning girl walking down the street. i dont need you to tell me i'm sexy, i know
i am sexy and beautiful. ha.. but who cares. look at this.. i want to walk out from this. i really want to.
i love him so much, but i cant live with this. this is not my responsiblities to make sure everything alright
at his side, or if he would be satisified with this or that. in fact it's not really my business actually.
i am valued when he wanted, i'm nothing when he doesnt want me?

i cried these few days.. everyday when i woke up and everynight when i slept. and i started to think
about what he has told me before.. what he has said at different time.... then i thought about last time
when i was there in May and June... how i moved out from his place, how i moved into Lisa's place..
how hard i cried, what i've said with Joy and Phil.. i also thought about what Marry my counsellor said.
i thought about everything.. and actually.. things keep happening never stopped. i am the one spinning
around and worried about this and that. he doesnt worry lots. or we just worry for different things.
Cas... what's the reason for you to stay? i still love him, but... he s been losing me since long actually.

the all the good memorries i remember them well too... so.. Cas... what are you gonna do?

>>February 2, 2009 at 3:32:05 PM GMT+8

2009 年 1 月 28 日 星期三 【晴】

hello..

first day to work.. boring then busy on phone.. lots and lots of students abs. most of them didnt show up.
humm.. kindda talked with Stephen on line. goot some news from him as well. i didnt freak out.
the thing i concerned was about the others not myself. then Stephen thought i worried too much.
i dont know what i was worried about though. i guess i'm not worried about myself but the others.
i dont know how to express it here, just that... it's not about me, it's about the others. i have learnt my
part already, it would be someone else one day. humm it's just the way it is.

no matter what.. Cas.. you're still the Castor ppl know about.. you've done your best. sometimes when
ppl dont say, coz they dont want to explain. sometimes ppl just cant explain. if you dont tell, or show
, then ppl wont know. why ppl would belive in such things? oneday they are just gonna find out.
but why would i care? coz.. Castor you're a weird girl. you tend to think too much for the others but
not yourself. when will you start to think for yourself before the others? you're bleeding while you're
helping, then you're crying. but ppl wont get it. dont worry for the others when they wont get it at all.
they wouldnt help anyone or anything but only put yourself in tears. Stephen was right, dont be stupid.
but he got it wrongly. i'm not thinking about myself.

last night i cried in bed. sometimes... things are very simple in my eyes. i just want someone to treat me
nicely. i just want someone to sleep beside me who would hold me and give me some warm. i hope to
have my own place or our own place, then i can prepare breakfast every morning. when the one i love
wake up, he would have the fresh hot coffee with the breakfast i made. then we go to work or he
goes to work, then i would do the house work or i go to work as well.. then at night i could makde
dinner or whatever... then we can watch tv or play or... sometimes we can hang out with our own
friends... sometimes we go traveling.. and one day we would have kids.. then i would be the mom..
and i would be a good one.. i would learn to make the best sandwiches and cookies.. i would be
with my kids always.. i would raise them nicely with my husband. i would be the A+ wife which makes
my husband proud, and my kids would be proud of me as well.. i would be the pretty and smart mom.
i would be the sexy and sweet wife. but you cant just find anyone on the street then get marry. you
need to find... the one. i have been giving my love to this man for 2 years sth. and recently.. he gets a
very nice guy as a competitor. i cried last night... coz.. i was wishing Stephen could be by my side,
holding me to sleep. saying good night to me in real. would that ever happen? how hard i have to work
for that to come true? but why would that be so difficult to do so if this man loves me as much as i do?
Cas.. what's the problem with you? why would you think it's that difficult?

anyway... dont think too much Cas... do what you think you should do...
just care about yourself before the others, please... coz... there wont be anyone else love you as the
way you do to yourself. love yourself...

>>January 29, 2009 at 4:38:32 PM GMT+8

2009 年 1 月 27 日 星期二 【晴】

hey... today is the last holiday of mine in the CNY..

i woke up by Karen. she phoned. haha. silly her... then i got up very late... then washed up and made
up.. went out to meet up with Karen. we had fried chicken and potatos at Shaky Pizza.. it was nice.
then.. we also walked around.. catch up a lot. hope she's feeling better now. she has been sick.
humm then... yea.. she asked me lots of ques.. and i answered her lots of ques. she asked about
Stephen and James... well... tough ques..

then i walked her back to the train station.. then i wanted to take the bus to go meet up with my family
at the Whishing tree. they were on the way.. in the bad traffic jam.. so.. i didnt go in the end. i went
home resting.. then saw Stephen on line.. and then we talked on the webcam. he was so funny today.
we played for a while.. then yea.. if i was there, i could give him a massage. we could do lots of things
together too. but i wonder if what i wanna do would interest him... i'm so interested and keen about
what he wants to do, i'm willing to compromise myself really. but somehow.... it is just... not easy for
me. coz.. it's just so not me. i wanna try and try for him. but think about what happened lately.. i'm kind
of sick and tired of all the dramas.. i mean.. he would blame me making all these, but for me... i would
blame myself not sensitive enough for him, then at the same time.. i was unhappy about him mad at me
and isolated me coz of James. i was just wondering why not he just been nicer to me instead of getting
mad at me or isolating me. i didnt understand if he didnt care about the gifts or flowers, then why all of
the sudden he should be so mad about these. it was such the nightmare weeks for me again. so..
i was quite upset.. and i think he would be the same.. and i feel like i'm more like a pet than a person.

i like the conversation last night and today... i love him but i do wanna think about what Castor I want and need.

i walked down to the mall again to have dinner with my family... they went back from the Wishing tree.
then after dinner.. we walked around.. then jumped up into 3 teenage girls.. kindda funny.. i noticed
them gossiping.. and like... talking about me. then i heard them saying LSC blah blah.. then i realized
they are form LSC too. then i said yes, i'm from LSC and i was at the assembly that day. they were so
excited to see me. i was a bit surprised. then they told me they were sitting at the first row on that day.
i was like oh really? no wonder you recognized me. they asked me a couuple things.. then my parents
were there as well. after that.. dad asked me if they were gonna ask me for my signature. of course
not i think. but they were so excited to see me. =S well..... i saw a couple of LSC students walking ard
the office another day... same things they did.. looking at me.. then smiling gossiping.. yea... i do live in
Tai Po and work in Tai Po... there's no surprise you would see me around in tai po. ha...

anyway.. i dont know.. i'm thinking about my future and what i want. i used to give in myself totally to
Stephen. i used to give him my everything, i love him so much. i still love him much.. but.. i wonder if it's
gonna work for me actually.. if i would be happy. it's too bad i still have to think about this at this stage.
but if i start thinking about all the things while we first met 2 years sth ago.. i think.. lots of msyteries
were kindda like unlocked... so... humm.. i cant be sure.. but.. you know.. i'm 23 this year.. i cant be
compared with those 17 or 19 y.o. girl anymore. and i dont wanna keep pushing myself to the limits
all the time.. i'm tired and.. i wonder what happen when i grow older.. when i'll be not as pretty, not as
cute anymore. i can only live this life once... while i am doing all these crazy things with him... what he
is thinking and planing behind, for us in the future i mean.. are these really what i want and i would be
proud of when i am old? would i ever be a mom in my family, would i ever be happy and proud of myself?
i could only live life once... would i regret? i would rther thinking about these now instead of avoiding
these. i cant run away from myself. i'm still me, no one should take away my soul from me.

sigh..

>>January 28, 2009 at 5:08:54 PM GMT+8

2009 年 1 月 26 日 星期一 【晴】

i slept very late last night again..
got up very late... then... just got ready to go to mom's family.
it was okay...

we went to Ma On Shan. we had McDonald's for lunch... then... yea just spent the day at grandpa's
home. took some pictures. it was okay. then they played games.. kindda funny. then yea... nothing much.
i'm not happy recently. too much things happened in this month... i try to enjoy my CNY. and.. i do need
to think about my future. Cas... what do you want? you always think about the others before yourself.
what about now? what about yourself? Cas... what do you want? are you happy?

>>January 27, 2009 at 4:36:05 PM GMT+8

2009 年 1 月 26 日 星期一 【晴】

Happy Chinese New Year.

i slept very late last night.. coz we went to Mong Kok for the night market..
then i slept ard 4 am.. got up ard 9 40 this morning.. then... got prepared.. dressed up, made up..
then went to dad's side, grandparents home.. having the chinese new year food.. then.. stayed till
late afternoon... went home resting... then.. yea... i made the chinese rice cake.. i heated them i mean.
instead of frying or steaming... i put them in the oven on the baking sheet. Ella did it first at the office.
its much healthier. coz no extra oil while cooking it, but then... yea... crispy outside, soft inside, very nice!

hummm Mable and i talked.. then Stephen and i talked. yes, eventually we talked tonight... well i gotta
thanks Mable actually. coz.. she told me that Stephen has talked with her.. so.. then yea.. i got the
chance to speak with him... hummm i miss him.. and.... yea.. maybe next month we would talk again..

i'm very tired today actually.. i hope i could have a nice rest tonight...

>>January 26, 2009 at 6:35:45 PM GMT+8

2009 年 1 月 24 日 星期六 【晴】

=(

hummm last night i got a long sleep.. ard 11 hrs i think.. then got up, went out with my family..
we had noodle soup, nice.. then walked around the flower market at Tai Po. ha i saw Shan and Carole there.
then,.... we went to Ma On Shan... walked around, then went to grandpa's place.. we had Poon Choi
tonight. it was great. then .... we left.. and we went to Mong Kok, that flower market. it was sooooo
crowed.. i was so tired and headahce. tomorrow still need to go to grandpa and grandma (dad's) to
have some gathering. i dont like them. anyway... i remember the first year with Stephen, he would
greet me on the first day of this Chinese new year.. he would say Kung Hei Fa Choi to me.

this year.. i dont know.. i think he's still angry at me. or while he blocks me, he doesnt really care about
me maybe? but i do miss him. i asked Mable if he has replied to that conversation that day.. she said no.
then she said he didnt block her. so.... i dont know... i really dont know. it's since the 13th of this month.
2 weeks. i m sick and tired of these 2 weeks. i dont want to ask MAble to talk with him coz i think it'snt
her business.. so... but.. i dont know. i really love him so much. and i miss him soo much.
these 2 weeks really drive me crazy.

>>January 25, 2009 at 5:51:23 PM GMT+8

2009 年 1 月 23 日 星期五 【晴】

hello..

yesterday.. i called in sick, but still came back to work at 4 pm... coz i knew it was gonna be so busy
on Fri. anyway... wasnt feeling well, but really should go out have dinner with Jackie and Mable. coz
Jackie is back for the CNY. so yea.. we ate at TST. actually she was late, i was a bit pissed off. coz
at first they wanted Karaokie but i didnt want it. coz it was late and i wasnt feeling well. so we said
we would have regular dinner then. then later when i was on the bus already, they changed. so i was
like if i knew you were going, i would join next time. then they changed again. but then when i got to
TST.. JAckie was 25 mins late. i was like... sigh.

anyway, we catched up.. ate... it was nice. she's my best friend, what can i say.
then yea.. we walked ard the victoria harbour as well. we played a bit, took a few pics. kindda fun.
Mable told me Stephen is on her list. then i was like really? it must be from so long ago then.
then she said yes, and she still saw him on line sometimes. i was like what?! is it like lately? coz i dont
see him on line. Mable said yes.. then i was like omg... so he definitely blocked me.
Castor, HE BLOCKS YOU.

when i was home.. i mesged Mable on MSN. then she told me he's on line. then i was like WHAT?
he was not on line? but then... Mable showed me by inviting him to the conversation. i freak out.
i closed that conversation. it's like... He Really Blocks Me.

i was quite sad.. i went to bed coz i was gonna faint. i got up this morning... dizzy and... dont know
what it is. then... got up, washed up.. simple make up, cant be bothered.. then yea.. put on clothes.
i'm sure i look kindda weird today. tried to match clothes but i know i look silly today. then i came to
work.. bought a harshbrown and coffee from McDonald's.. then worked.. busy........... nowaday i am
more.. specific when Ella asked me to do something, i mean as in.. i would ask her questions if i find
things wrong. i dont like her when she was being bitchy or "stupid" at work.. so i would ask her like
when would she need that, coz i just know that she's gonna say right now, then i would tell her if it's
not urgent it would be better. then i show her i am looking at the clock, so she knows how much time
she exactly giving me to make a whole new worksheets with pics that she wants. she usually comes
to me like at the last 15 mins of the class. what the hell. then sometimes she's being unrealistic as well.
so i would ask her questions so that she knows if things dont happen in the way she likes, she cant
blame me, coz i already showed her how limited time she is giving me or how unrealistic she is.

anyway.. i went out for lunch by myself. i bought a very cheap but cute scraft. it's freezing today.
it's pretty cold today. then ... got a coffee from Starbucks, some mini bites of bread from the bakery.

back to work.. then... nothing much... just work. James was here today, nothing much. Ella bought lots
of flowers.. humm they look ok. very Chinese though. and the Chiense toy on my desk is scary. but she
likes it so much. for me it looks like one of those paper toy... eeee...

okay.. i'm sad, and i wanted to cry. but what can i do? i feel like Stephen is really making it a very big
deal. for me, those flowers could mean nothing. they really could mean nothing. James could be a friend
only, so i really dont understand how come things become so complicated. and now, Mable might be
blocked from him as well? i dont know. what i know is... i deleted James' messages on my Facebook
Wall, coz i dont want Stephen to think in the wrong way again. but does it matter? coz anyway i did
reply James on those Politicial conversation about Bush and Obama. i think whoever talked with me
about politics, or just.. a casual chat i would reply. it's like i would do it with my friend, i would do it with
someone in the Cafe or library as long as someone started it with me and if i find them interesting.
i dont understand why it becomes such a big thing? sigh... and i got the feelings that Stephen is not
gonna "forgive" me on anything this time. and the thing is.. yea i was wrong becasue i didnt pay much
attention about his "warning" to take the flowers. i made him feel so terrible about that. but if the
flowers mean nothing afterall or if the sender has nothing with that now, then what? i really dont know
now. i feel so bad to be blocked. coz i realyl care about him so much and i do love him so so so much.
now i feel like i'm a fool.

i cried, but please tell me if that's gonna help? it's like... it's been 2 yeas something already. how could
he just get mad about someone giving me flowers when there wwas nothing at all? yea i was happy
that JAmes was so nice to me, it's nromal. but feeling happy doesnt mean i would go for him in the end.
if i would, i would have done it already, why waiting for Stephen while he's being so unreasonable now.
i'm just.. sad. i'm pretty upset. Stephen was the one doesnt care about flowers and styuffs, but when
they others giving me these then he gets mad at me. i'm sad, i'm very sad. i wish the end of this month
comes pretty soon, it is soon though. anyway.. i just wish the end of this month comes faster.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

these songs are one of thoses "golden songs" in HK in the past 10 years.
i like these two, they were like when i was... younger few years ago at least..
the lyrics mean a lot though.. sad songs.



夜夜也沒有像這夜那麼靜
no night was as quiet as tonight
似聽見這顆心滴血聲
its like i could hear the blood dripping from my heart.
回味著妳昨晚像惡夢似的話
i am thinking of what you said to me last night, it was like the nightmare.
妳給我的竟不是愛情
so actually, it wasnt love between us

是妳說從來無人像我在做盡傻事
you told me there never anyone like me so silly
竟然仍然認真對這玩意
still being serious about relationship
為何從前愛得極度容易
why it was so easy to fall in love
將來和誰再講這段趣事
then who am i gonna talk about love with?

* 纏綿遊戲過後 為何能捨得放手
after the ligering game, why would you be able to let go that easily?
是定律或是愛不夠
is it the rule of just not enough of love?
告訴我這段纏綿遊戲過後
tell me, after the ligering game,
為何情不可永久
why couldnt love last?
是事實並沒有真愛 或跟本我未看透 *
the truth is.. there isnt true love, or i just havent got it then.

但覺得從前情人在世上並沒存在
but i i thought there wasnt lover in this world
多年來從未真正去被愛
all these years, i havent really been loved
來來回回我只站在門外
i walk in and out, only standing at the door
一時糊塗妳只當做意外
i fall for you, but you only take it as an accident




孩童只盼望歡樂　大人只知道寄望
kids look for fun, adults only know expectation
為何都不大懂得努力體恤對方
why dont we just try to understand each others?
大門外有蟋蟀　迴響卻如同幻覺
there're insects outside, but the sounds make you fall in dreams
Shall we talk　Shall we talk
shall we talk, shall we talk

陪我講　陪我講出我們最後何以生疏
talk with me, tell me why we become like strangers
誰怕講　誰會可悲得過孤獨探戈
who is afraid to talk, who would be so pathatic like to tanle alone
難得　可以同座　何以　要忌諱赤裸
if we can be together, why would we be afraid to talk naked
如果心聲真有療效　誰怕暴露更多　你別怕我
if the truth from heart can heal, then who would be afraid to reveal more? please dont get scared with me.

陪我講　陪我親身正視眼淚誰跌得多
talk with me, look who has more tears
無法講　除非彼此已失去了能力觸摸
cant you tell, unless we have already lost the sensitivity
鈴聲　可以寧靜　難過　卻避不過
you can ignore the bell ring, live in silence, but you cant escape from lonliness and sadness.
如果沉默太沉重　別要輕輕帶過
if it's soo heavy about being silent, dont just let the silence drag you in.

>>January 24, 2009 at 3:25:13 PM GMT+8

2009 年 1 月 21 日 星期三 【晴】

hi...

today.. i couldnt wake up.. i got up like... so late.. i was so sick, thought about calling sick leave today.
i went back, coz i know she wont be at the office.. but i was kindda plae.. and.. i dont know..
i slept for almost 11 hrs.. i was late to work anyway. wasted money on the taxi ride.

then... bored.. then saw the mesgs... then i was like.. ahhhh... i dont know.. i deleted them on my
facebok. those are from James. i dont know.. as a friend i'm okay with that, but.. i worried if Stephen
might see them then things could become different. i was upset about... Stephen and i.. and i'm so tired
today coz i'm quite sick. sore body.. feeling cold... sore throat.. i think i've got a cold. but anyway..
i dont know.. i miss Stephen alot but he is still not talking to me yet. Cyn mesged me on facebook.
then i mesged back... then yea i just called her.. coz.. i was very upset... then i talked with her for
another 40 mins on phone.. i called.. then... all of the sudden, James came to the office. he said hi.
i was shocked. it's like what is he doing here? i was on phone with Cyn, i was upset and all of the
sudden he dropped by. he said he just passed by, he was going somewhere.. i said.. okay.. i'm sorry
i am on phone with my friend now. he left. i talked with Cyn afterward... i miss Stephen.

i had a long day... kindda bad... lonely... and... i dont know.. i'm so tired.. and i'm sick..
i cried.. this is enough... what should i do? i cant do much ='(

>>January 22, 2009 at 2:22:49 PM GMT+8

2009 年 1 月 20 日 星期二 【晴】

hello..

i got up like 6 sth am.. then left home at 7 30...
i went to LSC today, had an assembly section there... met a few old friends, we were all doing the
sharing about the life after grad from highschool. it was great, as in i saw Queenie and Hong.
they are both working for Cathay. then yea.. catched up.. and also sharing with the students about
what real life is like after leaving high school. we all have different stories, so just like different choices
for the students actually. i think most imjportantly, as a student,... he should have known the responsiblity
as a student, and really try to commit with that. it's hard for them at the age, but they should start having
the sense of it at lest. and i do hope that they could engage with more exploration in school and outside
school, as in different activities to learn and experience different things other than the knowledge from
the text books. then also it's the great time for them to search for their own interests, and their idendity
as one self and also in the society. this is pretty much like psychology, but.. yea true for them too.
i didnt go into that detail since there wasnt much time for that.. anyway... yea my story wasnt that
attractive to them for sure. mine was the tough one, but still havent seen myself working in some nice
company other than just a part time job.

we had breakfast at the cafeteria all together including the teachers.. then yea.. we stayed at the staff
room for awhile too.. then we left. Hong gotta catch a flight, then Queenie went home.. i came back to
the office this morning. hummmmm BORING and TIRING.

i e-mailed Stephen this morning before leaving home.. i miss him. i think he should know that i do miss
him and think of him though he's not talking to me.

i felt very sick last night, but i just wanted to stay up watching Obama. yay. he's the president now.
i was very cold and hot, and got a massive headache. it was bad.. and i wondered if i could get up
this morning actually. and then i dont know.. maybe i have been too tired.. since Oct i havent really
rested enough. the thing is... while too busy with the paper, i was too busy to rest. espeically ard the
deadline and i was working for the exhibition, i was exhausted but tried to tough it up.. and i 've made
it. i'm so proud of that actually. then right after, i got back to the office, working extra hard for the parts
i ve been missing, and then... only 1 day off in a week, but i gotta go out with aunt and the bday dinner
with dad's family... which was.... hummmmm dont really like it anyway. so it's been quite tiring even
though the paper and the exibition are done. the thing is... Stephen got mad at me about the flowers.
James likes me but he understands and kindda stepping back. i thought it would be good at least
Stephen doesnt have to worry too much about James as a threat. but then he's still not happy about it.
so... really gotta wait till Jame's gone. sigh. Cas... i know you miss him but obviously, he's not replying.
he might not miss you as much.

i just wish for a good night rest.. coz.. i still have a few more work days. damn... next Mon and Tue
are the Chinese New Year.. it was the day offs for me, but i need to go to the CNY visiting things.
sigh......... i wonder it's the most boring day in a year again. dont really like going to dad's family place.
yea we talk on Facebook, but in real, in person, no one talks. i mean my cousins. and there are so many
gossips and problems between those aunites, grandparents and uncle. i dont really like them. why in
the CNY, supposed to be the happy time, would become something i really dislike and probably the most
boring day in a year? this is so sad.

and then again.. Stephen is still mad. and i'm bored and lonely.

anyway, Jackie's back. she called me. yay. haha. well at least my anotehr best friend is in town now.

>>January 21, 2009 at 11:38:00 AM GMT+8