2009 年 9 月 23 日 星期三 【晴】

hello..

i actually wanted to write more, but i have been very tired lately..

yesterday, before leaving for the evening class, i got a chat with honey..
thank him so much for the help. i really do appreciate that. i hope everything is going fine there too.

i also headed to work at Nam Tin... i continued reading my book.. and while passing by the store, i bought a small
lantern, a very cheap one. it's gonna be moon cake festival soon! =) it's been so long i havent got a lantern.
so... i just want to get a small and cheap one =) we might have bbq home.

then i got there... in Nam Tin... i was kind of funny... the first class was okay... the students were kind of excited
to see me. i was like o....kay~ then... the second class was a bit boring since everyone was so sleepy.
but then the last class was so funny... those students is the naughtiest group among all. they talk a lot of shit,
and most of those are like super funny coz really crappy but ironic stuffs. i just couldnt hold it, i laughed out loud
all the time, and i know that's bad. coz some of them were so ironic and could offense some teachers there.
but i laughed, coz what they said were true that i couldnt say they were wrong. in fact, i was kind of agreeing.
haha.. so bad... then they were kind of bored by the exercises.. then i got them into two groups, boys and girls,
then i let them raced, answering questions and scoring them. and they were like... never seen them as
efficient and union before. my partner was so surprised... and when she entered the room, those students
were like... asking her to go out and leave them alone with me. i was so embarrassed coz they shouldnt ask
her out, right? but then i can also understand those kids like challenges and fun in class. so the typical Chinese
scolding style would never help in class. i dont need to scold them, they already listen and respect me. it's really
interesting actually... but then of course, there were a lot needed to be taken care of... i mean... the way to speak
with them, every students got their own personalities and strengths.. and what they need and dont need,
everything is just as important as the knowledge, and i am always trying to help them to learn by themselves.
i think that's much more important for them actually.

after class, one of the students stayed and wanted me to help her on her book report. i stayed for extra
15 mins chatting with her and showing her different ways to help herself to finish her boring report.
i dont know if she would follow what i said, but at least, she knew when she asked for help, she was heard.
and she got the attention and information, and i was more like helping her than teaching her.

i came home late... then got a call from Karen. she asked me a lot of things... then i was on phone with her,
and had my dinner ard 11 40 pm? it's so crazy. then eventually i went to bed ard 2 sth... i was super tired.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


today... i got up late.... then got ready to work..

today Rosh and Ada both came..
omg... Rosh was not as late! how surprise! but the classes were still as boring. and some parents were already
complaining to me like... when Ivy would be back.. apparently when they winked at me, and asked such ques
in front of her then ... they were actually helping me to say something too. coz... it was always very obvious
that Rosh was so lazy slacking around. Ada sometimes is such the pain in the ass as well. so for me, i was like,
i couldnt complain about Rosh in the class, so i could only help her and tried to remind her things in private..
then at the same time, i need to maintain the class management and the atmosphere. Rosh helped to kill them all.
then Ada was still on training, and i was taking over Ivy's job, so i was training her basically. then she knew it wasnt
supposed to be me training her, and i think that's one of the reasons why she challenged me a lot during the lesson.
and for me, i dont like that. if i say so, you do so. if you have questions or problems, plz ask. but as an adult, and also
a mom, you should have known what to say or ask at the right time during your training. keep challenging me in class
wont be a good thing anyway. coz i m the one responsible for the class, and the most experienced one in class, i know
very well of each students and what about them and their parents. she should trust me even though she's older
than me. we had a small talk after class. i guess and i hope she would understand... coz i just explained to her about
every questions she had on her mind and also i understood her concerns and reasons.

Rosh was very bad today... as in.... i dont understand how she could do that. she asked if i have any strepsils,
or something similar. i told her yes, and honestly that's okay i dont mind to share with her. but i told her mind is for
coughing. then she wanted it still. she;s so sick, i think she shouldnt have been working today, and she didnt
even wear the mask. okay, fine, i have put mine on, coz i dont want to pass my flu to the others right.
then i gave her one strepsil, then i put them back to my bag and in the storage. then when i came in, i wanted one
too. so i took them out from my bag, and i found another one missing. i was shocked, like who and why stole my
candy from my bag??? then i asked Rosh if she has taken that missing one. she said yes. i told her like you shouldnt
do that. she said it fell in the storage, she didnt take it from my bag. i was like, no, i put them in my bag. then she
said sorry. i said you cant do that coz i never known what has touched my bag, right? i told her she should ask.
then she said she would ask next time. i was like....... what kind of person is that? there's no way it would have
fallen out from my bag actually. and we are not close at work, we are not friends either. why would she think
that's okay to take my stuffs out from my bag without asking me?

after work... the queen asked me to stay... she told me some of her plans, and she still wants me to stay working
for her. she even asked me how much that company is offering me. she asked me to contact her if i found the
job in Van not suitable for me.

then i headed out and went to the bank to ask for some information.... then i paid my phone bill, i was suspended.
i couldnt believe that.. then... Queenie the girl i met at work before, she called me.. i thought our lunch date was
not confirmed coz my phone wasnt working last night and till this afternoon. then yea.. we just met up for late
lunch.. we talked a lot... then yea... hummm she needed to buy something, so i was with her, showing her around.
then... i met up with mom, did some shopping for dinner then walked home... i'm so tired...

i wrote an e-mail to honey... i hope everything would be fine....
humm...

yea.. tomorrow i need to go back to CityU, continue on the data things, inputting and analyzing them...
alone again, from 10 am till maybe 3 pm.... bleh~~~ i like doing these kind of job but alone and always alone...
it's really lonely.

anyway.... humm.. i dont know why i'm still coughing... sigh...
and i wanna continue with my book..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



i have finished half of my book already. it's very interesting, coz just got to see how firm the writer is writing
about what the stories show from each person. and it's so real, not like just BS or myth. it's like.... at first i would
think, maybe it's not so true, you know... girls still have what they believe, right? but then, one page after one
page.. and i think about what i've seen these years.. i kindda start to agree with those stuffs.. sometimes, we
girls just fantasize too much about love and relationship... making so much excuses for the guys, thought that
they might be still so into us, or thought that they might have some real reasons, might be he is the special one,
1 out of 100 that would never done this or that. but actually guys are just guys. maybe he's just not that into you.
maybe the truth is just that simple... he has his own priority in his life, and... you're just not that high in there,
which means... he's just not that into you. guess it's not talking about being rational or irrational, it's just being
so basic, like instinct. you might have a thousand good reasons to support what you say or do, but still...
while going back to the basic, they are just not that into... us. i'm not talking about 1 piece or a few pieces of
small things, but in general, look at the big picture, think about what have happened, then... everything just
becomes so clear, isnt it.

and actually, that book just showed so many daily familiar stories that everyone must experienced a few at least...
and the most powerful thing from a book is... it makes you think, and you can find the connection with yourself
based on your own experience and observation every day... and how cant you still believe if it's true or just BS.
it's pretty sad to find out the truth this way, but still gotta admit that... if i was not the one who was so easy trusting,
so innocent, would i have been cheated and betrayed again and again that i didnt even know how to confront
the ppl? till these days while my ex and some other guys tried to come clean with the other lies, i just snapped, got up,
and realized everything and figured out what have been happening.

some ppl did treat me as a doormat no matter if they have planned to or not.
and i would never let myself being a doormat, coz i am not.

dont even want to think about how much lies and dreams i have been living in, and how many tears i have paid
for these. sometimes i do wonder if i could be as strong as a guy... you know... but... why should i be a guy?
i'm just me. i dont want to be a bitch either, i just want to be... me. but i dont want to listen or trust any guy so easily
ever again. it's just simply telling me that, everything happened must have a reason. things dont just happen,
and there's no real excuses, except the one is... this is your choice, an ugly one that you dont even want to
accept, and that's why you need so many reasons to back you up. maybe you're just trying to be nice...
but since you have started this, havent you already decided to let your evil side taking it over? why acting to be nice?

i could understand a lot of weird things or situation... if i cant, i would try to... but sometimes you just realize some
ppl they just bull shit. and i dont want that...

i think the thing is... very simple... i believe that everyone have the ability to realize what they are doing,
have the ability to love and be loved, but it just depends if they want to or not.. but it's just so natural though,
cant pretend even if you might want to... and i need someone, in future, in my life, who would be constantly into me,
who will never leave me for anything or anyone.





>>September 24, 2009 at 3:01:00 PM GMT+8

2009 年 9 月 22 日 星期二 【晴】

He's just not that into you..

i'm very tired today, actually i know that today and yesterday would be as busy and tiring.
yes, it was pretty tough yesterday.. also today, i'm going to work till 10 tonight again at Nam Tin.

yesterday, all of the sudden, Ada didnt come, but Rosh did. it was a boring working shift with her.
but then... this time she called. i'm pretty surprised that she called to tell me that she'd be late. so, that's fine.
coz at least she called. then she told me Ada wouldnt be there. i was a bit shocked but that's okay.
guessed must be something happening over there, but dont really care as long as it wont affect me lots.
dont really want to get involved with their problems.

in class, parents gave me weird eye contact, then i realized what they meant.. i winked back. they smiled.
i know it was quite boring, compared with the normal class with Ivy and i. Sunday class, two students quitted already.
well.. not my problem. but i guess Rosh would like to improve herself too.. well.. if so thats good. and i dont hate
her personally. it's just about work.

i came home after 2 classes.. i was so dead.. i had some noodles for lunch... then i just rested...
i took a shower than got ready to go to Nam Tin. last night was quite tough for me.. coz my voice just recovered,
then i was still on medicine.. i'm just soooo dead after medicine.. and the students were very noisy. i was like,
please be quiet, please no chi-chat, you talk too much, blah blah.. just bleh~~~
then at the last class, i was so exhausted already. i just sit on the chair to talk instead of walking around.
thats okay, it was a small group, only 7 students. it was kind of funny to do discussion with them..
some of them got pretty good points, and they do try hard to express themselves.

i came home... i was completely exhausted... but i was glad that i have started reading my new book.
i just quickly ate my dinner ard 11 30 pm... then... took a shower... i was so dead... then i seat for awhile,
started falling asleep... then i just went to bed.. but then, i dont know who called me at 1 30 am last night.
i was like sooooo asleep.. then i just got woke up by that call, i thought it was in the morning already,
coz i use my phone for the alarm. then i picked up the call, hello? no one answered me.. then that person
just hung up on me. i was like? what the hell? it's blocked id... i wonder who would call that late but
without id.. i was thinking maybe overseas phone calls or some emergency call. i dont know, just thought...
if you have to call someone at 1 30 am, at least that should be some important thing to tell, right? or just
say something, you dont just hang up, right?

yea... but i'm so happy that i finally started my new book:
He's not that into you.

i read faster than i usually do.. i just started yesterday, only on the way to work and back home..
it has pretty good points.. humm..

i'm too tired now... i need to take a rest, then... get ready to work tonight..
b.r.b. for the part of today and tonight.






>>September 23, 2009 at 6:02:52 AM GMT+8

2009 年 9 月 20 日 星期日 【晴】

Sep 21, sexual harassment

today... i got up, same same.. got ready to work..
very tired. actually after the medicine, i could just sleep like a pig. soooo sleepy all the time..
and it's like once i sit down or lie down, i just fell asleep, deep sleep. i got weird dreams too but... just couldnt wake up.

anyway... i was on time to work, 8 30 today.. walked pretty fast.. my partner was there already..
this week, i'm gonna be responsible for all classes, and today is the first day, so i was a bit nervous..
but everything went well. thanks God. Ada was okay, still on training. but i think working with her is much better
than with Rosh. and i heard what happened on Sunday. miss Heung complained to me. i was like.... hummm okay..
i kind of expected that already. but lucky that she didnt leave the mess for me.

so yes, the class was okay, taught them alphabets today... with some phonics.. a-a-A, h-h-H, k-k-K...
but i was wearing masks.. so.. i dont know.. and some kids are sick too. they shouldnt come to class..

after class, i went to the book store, just next to the office.. i really wanted to buy that book, and i bought it
finally. "He's just not that into you." it's a movie as well. i really want to read this for long.. never got time to though.
hummm.. i was browsing other books as well.. then i saw some guy staring at me.. i ignored it, i just paid for my
book and walked out from the store. then i heard some guy was behind me talking about my t-shirt. i glanced
on him, he's the same guy.. yes, i wore a very light yellow t-shirt, not totally transparent, but sorts of, since i was
wearing a pink and black bra inside. then i kept walking and pretended i didnt hear anything. he said in English..
he said "see through see through, i like it, i like it." i was like WTF? i didnt say it out but i just kept walking faster.
he followed me, i heard him very close behind actually. he said "i like fat bum, you're thin." i just started running.
i have thought about to ask him to fuck off, but... i was too scared.. i just wanted to get rid from him. it was in
the mall, but no one nearby. and it's just so near to the office. i was quite worried... i felt very bad.. coz...
it's not really my fault wearing that t-shirt. there's no way i could wear another one inside that shirt. it's too hot.
and the thing is... yes, i know it might be a bit too sexy to wear like that in HK, and i would rather take that as
the compliment, but still it doesnt mean that you can harass me that way. i felt very bad, but i didnt wanna tell
mom.. coz i know she's gonna say it's my problem, i shouldnt have wore like that.

i walked home... i was too tired... i mesged honey on line.. told him i got harassed by that guy... then i just fell asleep
on the chair. we talked for a short while.. i dont know who i should talk with since that's quite embarrassing.
then i told Shan too.. Shan asked me if i was wearing my short skirts.. i told her no.. i was just after work.
sigh.... then i just fell alseep while talking with her..

mom woke me up and asked if i would go out for lunch with them.. so.. we just headed out for lunch.
we had dim sum today and took my medicine.. then we went to Sha Tin to take the car back. then dad drove
us back to Tai Po.. and we did some shopping for diner together. once i got home, i just lay on bed, then fell asleep
in 10 secs.

i want to start reading my book soon..

at the same time... i gotta figure out the ticket and the date as well..
i miss him.. i miss the time we have spent together. but honestly, i do have my concerns. is it gonna be the
same? or things changed already? maybe i'm just too nervous. =(

>>September 21, 2009 at 5:10:11 PM GMT+8

2009 年 9 月 19 日 星期六 【晴】

sometimes.. you just never know..


yesterday, i gotta work.. i got up and ready for the BP3 class.. with Kelly, Hugo, those kids.
it was quite fun actually. i changed the class a little bit. i used my methods to teach. it works.
that way, they focus better. i dont know if they are too young to sit on a chair to learn or
they should sit on the mat.. they are 5 y.o. but i found that, while they sit on the chairs in a circle,
then focus at the front, they actually can concentrate more easily. they cant run around, and
they would just act like they are at school, not just playing around. then i also get them to help
with the table cloth changing, and make them to be responsible, and taking care of themselves
while having snack. i did the phonics and spelling game with them, using some flash cards of
the vocabularies, instead of just pictures. i made some phonics flash cards as well... teaching
them to read the first few alphabets to make sounds, and through that way to read and
recognize the vocabularies. coz i found that their oral and listening is okay, but the reading is just
zero, and it's not good for them. Ivy used to show them 3 pictures each class for each topics.
Ivy's methods can enhance their listening part, but not oral or reading. now, i push them to
do a little bit more recognition of the words, by helping them to make connection with the sounds,
(the phonics), the pictures, and the words. like... fr-fr-fries, br-br-bread, pi-pi-pizza, and they
need to prounce fr- br- pi, those sounds before speaking the word. and it helps them to
recognize the words, with the sounds. this way, they should be able to improve more
completely on each part.

in Ivy's way, when you ask them which pic is hamburger, while showing them hamburger
and fries. they could do it only base on short term memory, while Ivy repeated shuffling two pics
to them in 5 secs. yes, once they could do it, they have the image of that pic and they could
recognize the sounds of that pic, only. but that way, they cant and wont remember how to
pronounce that word, and if you show them that pic, they couldnt speak that word or name
of it. so, for me, i think its not working well for them.

but then, also... i did revision at the end of the class, to refresh their memories of those words
they have learnt. they could handle it. they did 90%, coz only 1 /5 failed. it was impressive.
i even did it infront of some of their parents.

i also cut down on the playing time.. like... all the games we did were all relevant to the topic
theme. so in those 2 hrs lesson, they had lots of new information.. humm it used to be 3 pics
3 vocabularies each lesson. i bump up to 5 pictures with 5 vocabularies. i added phonics
part. then i remember i didnt even need to speak any chinese words to them in those 2 hrs.
it was very good. i just need to show them more actions to demonstrate, and repeat a few
more times of what i said. then they could get what i mean already. it's good. and i kindda
request them to do different things base on their own levels. if i know that kid could do more
than just vocabularies, i train her to do complete sentences or better prounciation. if i know
that kid can do better art work, i give him extra comment and space for him to create things
on his own. it's like they are also learning through interactions with each others. i let Joshua
to have some crayons, he did amazing colouring. then other kids saw him and they want to
do it too. so yea.. it was good. i wish i could do more with them. but i'll be leaving soon.
and i'm not always incharged of this class.

after class, i came home... then i had lunch and i just took a nap.. then i headed out for a walk
with mom.. then we bought pizza home for dinner.. i have been very tired.

i got up around noon this afternoon.... got up.. came checking mails.. then i had brunch...
then i rested a bit and did some prep for the coming evening classes.. reading books and
checking out what i m gonna give them and let them do.. then..

i got back pain, and my right shoulder hurts like hell. i took some medicine just now,
and it makes me so tired again, and my heart beats so fast..

i went to the doctor again.. then i saw another parent and her kid. hummmm it's okay..
it's my 3rd time visiting the clinic this month. it's crazy... i have spent HKD$ 700 on these..
i could have done my hair with this amount of money, but now i cant. what a waste..

then also.. i did some shopping at the Body Shop... needed to renew my membership,
got 20% off on all my purchase today, then also got 2 free gifts. the hand cream i like,
and also a lip gloss. very nice. then helped mom to buy some lip stick as well.. so yea..
very cheap.. but then i wanna buy shoes and a bag, but i didnt get any.. coz cant spend
extra money on these, and i dont wanna have too much things to bring along with me
when i go over to Van.. everywhere got huge discount these days.. very nice and
cheap things.. but i m very careful window shopping these days. hummm too bad..
i wanna buy a book though.. i m still considering if i should get it.

sometimes you just never know..
i mean... if i m not going to Van... i would take over lots of classes at work.. i would have
a big raise and a big promotion, much more power and higher position. then at City U,
i would be more involved with the Shang Hai project, got to meet up with some Chinese
professors and could interview them later. they are all the good chances.. mostly coz i m
still young, and they are all what i would love to do. kind of like, yes it's tough, but its my
direction too. well but the playland sucks, i mean the boss and the owner are bad. so..
i would always feel bad working there anyway..

now i'm going to Van.. it would be a really great chance too.. and i would get to do lots of
different things i have never done too. so... just never know.. i dont know what would happen,
i know i'm taking risks, and i hope it all worths.


humm i need to get the ticket really soon by next week. hope everything's gonna be fine.


i heard this song in the mall today...
i dont think everyone is as brave to take a relationship like that. and even if you are in one of these,
are you brave enough to walk out from it?



無論怎得罪 你說我是負累 陪著我等於死去了無情趣
what did i do wrong? you said i'm such a burden. being with me is too bored like death
從前或現在當我是誰 你這一種伴侶
what kind of person you have been taking me as? what kind of partner are you?

前夜一起睡 你卻沒廉恥 竟講出口你怕受罪
we have been sleeping together. but how dare you said you feel nothing and it's such the penalty to be with me
完全忘記往日為何 凌晨迎潮浪戲水
guess you have forgot why we were playing and hanging around day and night

難道愛愛愛愛愛對愛情已死心
maybe love has been dead
貪高興好心敷衍一下卻逼真的親吻
you just want to play, but gave the real kiss
我們這結局太不堪 分不出真假的愛恨
this ending is really bad, cant even tell what is real what is fake, what love and hate is like.
無謂愛愛愛愛愛太過動魄驚心 我估錯這個世界得到教訓
dont take love too seriously these days. i guess we all have got a lesson.
怎相信人 命中怎麼愛著你為人
how to believe that i have been loving someone like you in my life?

立甚麼心腸 我對你極善良 如若你肯想想我這樣受傷
what are you thinking? i have been so nice to you. if you have ever thought about my feelings,
你會知愛情毒於砒霜 你怎安心可不改漂亮
you would know your love is as toxic, how could you not change your way?
怎想像 共你已同享多少很真確晚上 一轉頭 纏綿後要罰離場
it's hard to imagine how many nights we have spent together in real. but all of the sudden you shut me out.

仿似幻像你給我的愛是玩具磨爛後變絕情
it's like so unreal, like the toy, then get ruined and lost.
難為這洗劫永沒罪證 道別並無罪也沒權問你內情
if i cant get the evidence of what you did, i cant even ask for the truth when we split up.

(我都唔知點解你忽然對我無晒感覺
i dont know why you lost your interests in me so suddenly
以前嗰種快樂就好似成為一種罪惡
all the happiness became some guilt
連我失眠 你都唔多覺
you dont even notice i m losing sleep
或者其實所謂愛情都只係互相搵個寄托
maybe love is for a companion feeling
或者係一場即興嘅幻覺
or maybe it's just fantasy
連自己都唔知道 乜野係喜 乜野係樂
i dont know what is happiness
幾時有感覺 又幾時無晒知覺
cant predict or notice when i would be interested, what i could feel
就算你無突然失去下落 我地之間都可能已經落幕)
maybe we are over already, no matter if you are still here.

(把失敗換教訓 不死總算幸運
learn a lesson, it's lucky to be alive
看 全沒罪案發生 為著聚散不需責任
no one needs to be responsible for this relationship, no crime, no harm.
一起若像軟禁 無疑離開先更合襯)
if we are just forced to be together, then yes, break up should be the best thing could happen to us.

>>September 20, 2009 at 5:04:46 PM GMT+8

2009 年 9 月 17 日 星期四 【晴】

hi..

i slept very late last night.. then i got up ard 7 sth this morning..
finally watched a bit of the Craig show.. then had some breakfast, no coffee.. chatted a bit with honey,
then i went to CityU.

hummm i was inputting data today.. bleh.... got 200 sth questionnaires, i have done 57 only..
sigh. i was in a big room today.... then i also got 2 hrs lunch break.. all by myself. no one talking to me since
i left home. no.. i met up with Dr.Li first before started working.. yea, so... no one's talking to me since 10 am.
then... i had salad at McDonalds, then also a piece of brownie from McCafe. hummm... i finished work ard 6 sth pm..
i took a coffee during break time. i just need it, i dont care. then i stay alert the whole afternoon and this evening.
i'm worried that i wont be able to sleep tonight. coz my coffee came at 4 sth pm. i'm not supposed to have coffee
that late. anyway.. when i was on the way home, i was thinking a lot about the students tomorrow and also
the next week. i'm preparing for the lessons. a lot of work to do. i found some good materials, and i have some
ideas on my mind already.. so yea... just need some time to get things organized and get them done.

i'm thinking to seek a doctor again tomorrow or on Sunday... i'm so glad that i dont have to see Rosh this Sunday.
coz i need to work on Saturday, so... i just tell them i wont come on Sunday. the thing is... if i dont come to the
Sunday class, its gonna be really bad. whatever. not my problem. they want me to come on Sun, but noooo...
no way. i wanted my day off instead, i told them that.

then yea.. i have also told Dr.Li about the contract and i'm leaving.. then she said she would think about it..
there should be no problem for me to end the contract with them, and she's considering if she still wants me
to work long distance for her till she finds someone else to replace me. i'm glad that she will take the consideration.

i took some crazy pics today, haha. guess i was too bored at work.. hummm i wanna share some of them
with honey =) hee.

Henry is kind of crazy, isnt he? i guess hes back to SG or Aus already... that night, he mesged me telling me
he's eating supper. i ignored him. then i thought it's his last day in HK, isnt it? but i just dont understand him why he
would mesg me telling me he misses me since we never met up in the end. and he told me not to tell anyone?
is he.... drunk?

>>September 18, 2009 at 5:13:32 PM GMT+8

2009 年 9 月 16 日 星期三 【晴】

hi..

i'm still coughing. i m very tired..

yesterday... i got work in the morning.. one class then stayed for prep after class.. so 2 hrs class and 2 hrs prep.
i was so sick staying there actually. i dont know why i'm so exhausted these days.. then... i got some sushi to go..
came home resting for a while.. then i took an hr nap... then i got changing and got ready to go to Nam Tin.
yes, i had another 3 classes at night in Nam Tin. i was a bit grumpy coz i was really tired. and i hate it coz i dont
have any coffee.. and in the morning, i got up later these days, not 6 30 anymore. then i'm always in a rush..
and i hate it when my morning gives me stress. it's like... i cant have my coffee, and also i dont have time to
watch my fav show Craig Ferguson.

i had my 4 hrs in Nam Tin... it was okay.. their Eng is really weak.. some of them are okay, but some of them just
need one on one actually. so it was a bit hard to help them, especially the material sucks, and the methods
of teaching were all wrong. why i say so is coz... those students dont know what they were doing.
they were forced to sit there and they pretended they were trying to finish the worksheets, which they dont
understand actually. then either they didnt fill in anything or they were just waiting for the answers.
and when the answers came, they didnt really listen well. they copy from the board without thinking.
then when i checked their work and handbook, they dont seem to realize what they wrote. so, for me, it's just
hummmm i think the reason why they dont have much improvement, that's coz their learning attitude was not
strengthen by the teachers, what i mean it... the teachers were not doing their job right or not enough for the
students. i kindda feel bad, coz what i can do is quite limited and i wont stay there long anyway.
in one class, there are 2 teachers, with a few pages of worksheets for 1.5 hr.

while they were doing the "quiz", they were actually just slacking around, chit chatting and waiting for the
answer. they dont know the answers coz they were really too weak. then okay, so the other teacher
she just "tried" to explain the answers but she was not doing right. i dont see the students getting the key
of the question or the key answers. she BS too much, and her attitude is a problem too. and it's just like
the culture there, every teachers carry the same tone of voice and their attitude were all the same.
they are like the robots well trained by the company, carrying the same rude tone. they scold the students
loudly, and they dont respect the students. they think they are lazy and that's their fault. yes, right. but,
they dont know what the students actually need, and they dont know why the students are they way
they are. they are just like the local typical Chinese parents scolding kids. it's not helping at all.
and you know the funny part is, my Eng is not that great, but theirs are worse. anyway.. yea... poor kids there.

i am trying to help them, in fact, i brought in a lot of new elements to the classes i was involved.
they were less bored, more interested in the small activities. they still dont really want to do work, but i
encourage them, psuhed them to do little by little instead of giving them an idea that they would need to do
a lot. then i joked with them, in stead of scolding and scolding. i played with them a little bit, and i do respect
them. i dont like giving them hard time, but i do talk with them and let them speak up. when they have questions,
i answer and analyze with them, and i show them that i appreciate they asked. i wish the class could be more
lively and have more positive interaction with the students.

then i came home, and it was already 11 sth pm.. i was so exhausted, then i had my dinner, finished ard 12..
then rested and showered.. it was already 1 am.. then i slept ard 2 sth.. but i couldnt really sleep.

you know how i felt when i was finishing work at 10 pm? i felt lonely on the way home by myself, especially
when i saw the young couples on the train. some of them are very casual. i just wondered why they are
so free or... it's already kind of late, why are they still outside? dont they need to work the next morning?
it's like... i was the only one or two single girls on the train. then the other single ppl are all guys. i guess
these days, guys are still more hard working than girls as in the labour market, or just the job nature that usually
has more guys staying at work later at night than girls do.

i got up ard 7 am this morning... i couldnt really get up but i had to.
then same same... got ready to work. i still have a lot to do at home actually, but i'm tired and getting a bit lazy.
especially at the playland.. humm lucky that i dont have much to do at CityU this week.
i took 2 classes today. it was soooooo funny. i really like one of the students there called Manfred. he's soooo
cute and smart. omg. he's so funny and lovely. he has a really big smile, and then he's so smart as well.
he likes playing with me. he would run all the way to hug me. then the other kids would do the same.
it was pretty fun... the queen's daughter, the princess, she likes me. she always runs to me. i was like
so busy sometimes when Ivy was teaching. coz they come playing with me, but i still need to look after the
other kids who were running around. i need to keep them sitting in the circle. then Ivy sometimes got pissed
at me a little coz i was playing with the kids and that's kind of distracting to her. hahaha..

then yea, the second class was soooo funny today.. coz the maids were like coming to the class for the
gathering. they chatted and gossiped about the kids and the masters. then Ivy and i were chatting with them
and playing with the babies. some of them got really improved, i mean most of the kids there. so.. i'm very
impressed and very happy.

after class, i stayed for the prep again.. 2 more hrs... then got some briefing with miss Ip and miss Heung.
it was quite funny though. coz they know Ivy and i were not gonna say yes for every requests. they were
like joking with us, saying how naughty we were. i was laughing, just laughing.
Ivy wanted to have lunch with me, but it was already 3 pm. i was so exhausted. so i just went to the
supermarket, wanted to get some lunch... i was waiting and waiting... no staffs at that area... then i just left.
there was a guy, a white guy walking around waiting for the staff like me. but i dont know, i dont like the
way he looks at me, like checking out on me. so i just walked away. i came home... rested then ate some
instant noodles.. then i just took a nap. 5 hrs nap. long nap.

but still i'm pretty tired..

tomorrow i would go to City U.. i dont know how long i would need to stay, but i am going to talk with Dr. Li
about going to Canada in the end of Oct. so... yea........ i hope that i can keep the contact with them till
i finish all my jobs. so i really need to talk with her about that tomorrow. otherwise i would need to resign.
i'm gonna give them 1 month notice. it seems a bit weird coz i should notice them earlier. but i still havent
got my ticket and it has been quite messy with my resignation at the playland. so yea..

i think tomorrow i would need to do lots of data input at the psychology lab.

anyway, last time, i jumped into some old schoolmate. i didnt notice him. i was just walking by him..
then he stopped me. i was like Hi ? then he asked me if i recognized him.. i looked and yea... he said i looked
so different now, i told him yes, he's too. then he asked if i still remembered his name... honestly, i dont..
i was thinking we were never in the same class. then he could tell my full Chinese name, not only my
nick name. he remembered which class i was in. and he told me i was with Samuel, i was like NOOOOO!!
i was in the same class with him only. haha.. then he told me he's studying at another university now..
he asked for my number.. i thought he would just ask for my facebook. coz that's what i do. i dont give ppl
my msn or phone number these days unless it's necessary. i just give facebook or email to stay in contact.
but, yea.. he has already taken his phone out.. so okay.

i chatted with honey... we talked about the work i would be doing in Van.. hummm.. it concerns me a little bit,
but i guess i would take this chance to try something new. then i dont know, i still want to work for psychology
or more in early child education. so.......... i dont know... will see.. and the more important thing right now is..
to go over there, and get our plans started first.

i'm gonna miss home so much... we have got some moon cakes home already. haha, so yummy.

almost 3 now... should go to bed..

>>September 17, 2009 at 6:49:25 PM GMT+8

2009 年 9 月 14 日 星期一 【晴】

i didnt sleep well last night..

last night got typhoon, then... this morning same same. mom told me it's still typhoon no. 3, then the gov said school
canceled today. once i heard that, i just kept sleeping. then someone mesged me.. i could barely open 1 eye reading
that.. it was Ivy.. she said no classes today blah blah.. i didnt finished reading i just closed it then kept sleeping.

i got up late... but then i got back pain.. i went to bed ard 2 last night, but i was just tossing and turning till ard 4...
so yea.. got up... got ready, then went out for lunch with my family.. we had dim sum.. then dad gave me a ride
to the train station.. then i went to Nam Tin.. to work.

hummm it was okay... the students like me... especially the last class..

i dont really understand Henry. he called, he messaged me this afternoon. he asked me a lot of things then he
wanted to meet up tonight or before work. i told him no.. i would be finishing work late. he should have let me
know earlier. then he kept messaging me once awhile, telling me where he is, asking me where i am..
i was trying to be friendly, so just.. rejecting him very politely. but then.. i dont know.. he messaged again..
and last night or a few days ago he called ard 1 sth am? and i just got his message just now ard 1 20 am..
he told me he's eating supper. why would i need to know about that? maybe he's just being friendly.. but..
i'm not his best friend, i'm not his buddy, i'm not his family, i am not so close with him at all.. he mesged me
that he was in Causeway Bay asking me where i were. i told him i just finished work and on the way home.
i thought he knew i was going home so didnt want to meet up. then he asked if i were nearby him, and he
wanted to meet up. i told him NO. it's too late already. i was on the way to Kowloon Tong. he asked if was it near
to him. well... of course it was but it's too late already, it's already 10 30.. he told me this afternoon he's free tonight.
but then for me, it's like what the hell? i dont care if you are free tonight. if you wanna meet up, you need to
know if i am free or if i want to meet up or not. yes, you're the visitor, but i live here and so i have my world
going on too. and the thing is, i hate ppl doing this when they think that they're the visitor, it's so rare for them
to be around HK, and so they need to arrange my schedule for them. it's like...
why would you need my schedule? it's MY schedule, and we are not that close. i wanna be nice to my friends,
especially those who visited HK.. but somehow it's hard to make time to meet up, especially coz we are not
very close at all. so it's like... NO.

after rejecting him again and again, i kindda feel bad.. but at the same time... i feel good as in... i'm just doing
something to protect myself you know.. as in... just saying no when necessary. obviously, he could have
let me know about meeting up, like asking me about time and stuffs earlier, but he didnt. he already expected
that i would be meeting him according to his play time schedule here. so... whatever, i wether not meeting up.
maybe i just didnt expect myself meeting up with him too, coz i really dont like ppl jamming in my schedule like
that you know.. meeting up at 11 pm? asking me to wait for you or if i was near to your hotel? i'm a girl, ok?
i'm not a call girl or anyone that you wanna meet up anytime anywhere you want.

i talked with honey about that.. yea, he supported me. he asked me to tell him to stop too. then i have also told
him about the evening schedule now... humm.. i'm looking forward to seeing him soon. i miss him sooo much =(
humm i have been thinking of him a lot.. then i think about myself.. there are really lots of differences between us.
somehow i couldnt explain why i'm so attracted to him.. and there are lots of similarities between us too.
i dont always get along with ppl who has very strong personality very well, especially with guys. but then..
i dont know... i have accepted honey as who he is already, and i kind of appreciate and love all his craziness.
haha.. not all of them are crazy, but even if they are, they do attract me. that's really strange but true. and i love
it so much when i could get to know him, the real him, the inside.. he does have amazing stories and they have
made him a tough and amazing person. i dont know.. it's just hard to explain.. when he's being nice, he's just
the nicest person i see and that really makes me smile.

i have really thought about what kind of guys could get my attention.. humm.. i guess besides "nice" and "caring",
and "being rea to mel", "intelligence" is probably the most important thing.. coz.. i was always compared with guys
at my age.. and i find it kindda like.. i want someone that i could rely on, i could trust, i could discuss and listen to..
and so, i dont like being with the guys who are lazy or who just pretend to be a big person when he's not in real.

okay.. i should go to bed..

>>September 15, 2009 at 6:35:20 PM GMT+8

2009 年 9 月 13 日 星期日 【晴】

working today..

tired... boring... back home with a hot dog take away, some more honey cake, and some chocolate chips cookies..
rainy rainy day... i stayed home, swallowed the hot dog and a piece of honey cake.. then i just rested..
watching tv... then had a cookie, i just went to bed to take a nap..

i dont know why i was just craving for food.. then i got really tired as well..

typhoon again.. but so lucky i got home without it raising up yet.. so yea.. but then this afternoon and right now,
it's pouring rain, super windy.

i took a nap.. but i got back pain... still coughing.. i dont know what's wrong with me..
i got a call while i just fell asleep... then it woke me up... then i slept again... then i got a mesg again..

but i just.. wanted to sleep. so yea.. hummm it's like.. everyone knows it's typhoon signal no.8 now..
no working, everyone's off and staying home.. why would Henry mesg and asked if i'm working busy..
i knew he's in HK, and he wanted to meet up with me.. i dont know if he's just being friendly or what he wanted.
i wouldnt ask someone if he's working busy on a typhoon day. maybe that's my problem.. coz...
once the trust has been broken, it's just hard to... build it up again.. especially to be honest, i couldnt find any reason
why i have to build up a strong "friendship" with him again. it just doesnt feel right for me with him.

maybe i have changed.. i dont know.. coz... i used to be.... really nice to everyone even for those who have hurt me.
i used to be very patient with those ppl, coz i used to be like... believe that they are the nice ppl too, you know..
these days.. somehow i find things could be very different, as in... ppl are very complicated, especially at work..
ppl could be very selfish.. and i dont like that. i want to be nice to ppl who work with me, be nice to the company
i'm working for.. but then after i found out how ugly the company and the ppl are.. i m just scared and wanted
to protect myself. but then i dont wanna be one of them using different ways to slack around or lie or do
anything i wont like myself doing.

and then looking at the guys who those said they liked me before, not all of them but half of them, they are
just not what i saw anymore. and then what i see is... the selfish side of ppl. even when they are being nice
to me, they do have intention. maybe that's normal.. i try to explain it to myself.. like.. once i am nice to someone,
that's true.. but then one day if i dislike him or her or found that i couldnt be as nice, then i would just stop
being nice too... but then when i'm being nice to someone, do i have some sorts of intention? no i guess.
anyway, it's just hard to explain. or maybe i just shouldnt be so sensitive.

maybe that's why.... it's always nice to be with my family or some close friends.. coz i trust them, and i love
them.. and i know they love me and wont harm me.. i guess now, i start to realize and understand more why
honey used to say... trust should be the most important thing in a relationship. i used to think love is the most
important part.. yes, i still do... but without trust, everything would be totally different.

somehow i have done something i never thought i would have done in my life... so... i sort of understand
sometimes what we're doing just cant tell what kind of ppl we actually are. but i also believe that if you dont want
to be part of them, do act like them. if you let yourself doing that, maybe one day you might become part of them.

it's a bit confusing.. but i guess i still know what i'm doing. doing the same thing in playful way, it's like just
testing, doing some experiment, playing around, it's kindda like playing with fire too. but once it starts to be
serious, in long term, it would be just like... living in a very unreal world.

>>September 14, 2009 at 5:53:48 PM GMT+8

2009 年 9 月 12 日 星期六 【晴】

mom knows that i would be going to Van in Oct. she told dad in fornt of me as well.
they didnt react very strongly. i should say i didnt see or hear any reaction yet.
scary.


i got ard 6 hrs sleep... i woke up and got very tired.. i even typed on my Facebook that... Hates working on Sun.
it's really true. i really hates working on Sun... mostly coz of Rosh, then coz it's a freaking Sunday... it's like..
on one hand, i know i shouldnt complain, but then on the other hand, i think i would prefer less hrs working like
5 days work only.. but then coz the pay is really low.. that's why when ppl asked me oh you're so busy,
you must be making good money. i said no. Priscilla asked me today again, she said i must be making good money..
i said no. she asked how come? well.. coz the pay is crappy, but long hrs work.

i did some calculation yesterday.. how much i have made in June, how much i have made in July, how much
i have made in Aug..

it's kind of private, but... i guess that's okay..

in June, it was kind of funny, coz i got my first interview at the playland on my birthday, then the call for the
second in after a few hrs of the first in.. then got employed ard the 15th? then.. that month, in June i made HKD 700.
then i got into the City U as well but started working in the middle of July.. so i got my salary HKD 700 in the middle of July.

in July... at the playland, i made ard HKD 2200... then started working in City U since the middle of July, and so in total
i made ard HKD 4800. and i got these money in the middle of Aug...

in Aug, at the playland i have a more stable schedule, which i only made HKD 3900.. then at the CityU was HKD 4200,
then i have also handed in my resignation at the Playland, and they started cut down on my hrs immediately.
and till now... i still havent got my paycheques from these two places yet...

beside my regular expenses, for the transportation, food, phone bill, some shopping for personal things, i got some savings..
but still couldnt pay for the ticket, especially i 'm risking that i might not be able to get my $4200 this month coz i have
messed up with my time sheet. soooo stupid.

i feel really bad, coz... i have been making very little money in my past few months.. then now it's getting more
regular as in... actually i dont know why the playland added me hrs all of the sudden again, and the queen
kept asking me to stay, and said would give me a big raise and a big promotion blah blah.. but then i am really
leaving to Van next month, seriously.

today... Rosh was as late, and it was pissing me off already.. coz i thought Ivy had made it very clear to her
that she CANT BE LATE anymore. i was thinking i should have just gone home. she showed up.. i was doing
my job, i just didnt care about her like..... i just wished she could do her job and i didnt want to talk with her
at all. so i was doing my part only. i was wearing a mask, and i was coughing sometimes too. the thing is..
the students came in already, and i was busy settling the tuition fee invoice, then also checking on the attendance,
then changing table clothes, checking on the water, the biscuits, the cleaning gel, the tissue.. someone locked
the new storage for some reasons and i couldnt open it, and so many stuffs were stuck there, and i needed
some of them. Rosh wasnt there yet, i havent tided up my hair yet, i havent put on that yellow uniform yet..
students started to walk in, then i needed to set the music and the toy boxes, i was like... hurrying in a mess on my own.

where the hell was she? the class started at 10, and she showed up at 9 50. then i was there busy by myself
since 9 30. i promised myself i would not let her leave before me anymore. but then no one was at the front today.
so... no matter what went wrong, no one was gonna help me. i was kind of depressed. coz it keeps happening
every damn weeks. then.. i just let her led the class and i was sick.. then i just expected her wouldnt clean the
dishes, so while she was doing the story time, i went out washing the dishes quickly. i kindda find my position
is very different from her, and it's getting more obvious apparently. then my job is to deal with the admin part,
dealing with the parents, and the students behavior problems in class and communicating with the parents
about problems or potential problems at home and school in future. then before class, preparing and setting up
stuffs for the class, after class then cleaning dishes and do some phone calls. what she does was only to
show up, asked a few ques about the topic of the day, she didnt even need to do the prep or lesson plan..
then she "taught" and she's gone. it's so unfair.

i walked home after class. had lunch... then resting... then i took a walk with my parents..
i went out to get food for dinner, then... mom just told dad that i might be going to Van in Oct.
dad didnt say anything. we were in silence. then... they talked about the other things.. it's like totally no
response for me.. i was like............... o..kay.......

then we shopped for food.. i like hanging around supermarket. yea we walked around... then it was raining
too hard... we just took a taxi..


i talked with honey for awhile before... he got my post already.. i'm glad that he likes it =) hee
i hope it's not too cold to wear that... and then... i dont know for sure if he likes moon cake, then i just got him
a small one to try... to be honest, i think the bakery i chose is the best in HK for moon cake.. my family bought
moon cake from a few different bakeries every years... we all like Maxim, but then... Kee Wah is really the
best for moon cake, we think... i'm looking forward to the snowy moon cake as well haha..
this mid autumn festival would be in Oct... hummm last year was a bit boring.. but i hope this year would be fine.
usually i have my every festivals with my family... i'm very family orientated.. beside hanging out with friends,
i do spend time and at least a day with them on those special occasions. i dont know if that's coz i wasnt
home in my early childhood, so i'm more attached to my family... but then for sure in future, i cant be sure if
honey is gonna be... you know... care about all these stuffs, coz he doesnt do that. he just doesnt.
i just hope i wont miss home too much on those days... it would be really sad. and i hope i wont be too sad...

i kindda like this song...
look at the lyrics, it just makes me smile.. i find it kind of funny.. it's just HAHA. the mv is weird but... hummm... haha.



>>September 13, 2009 at 5:21:54 PM GMT+8

2009 年 9 月 10 日 星期四 【晴】

i got up late today, but got on time to arrive CityU.

i met up with Dr.Li... then went to the psychology lab... it's a single room...
only me again... and i was like with no computer today... and i couldnt use internet there. sooooooooooooo lonely..
i was doing questionnaire screening today.. humm i was tired and trying to stay awake..
then i just couldnt stand that... i took a break.. i bought a coffee, i know i'm still sick and have been clean for ard 10
days already, but today i really needed a coffee.. then i came online checking mails and did some searching on line
around the coffee conner.. back to work... finished a bit earlier today.. then i went to the Festival Walk..
i went to the book store Page One. i really like there.. really wanna buy a few books.. but no money and no time to
read.. then... i went to H&M.. i wanted to buy a red jacket, but too hot for that and no money for that.. but then i really
love a hat there.. it was really lovely and it's really cheap.. i just bought it. i would rather having less food.. hee.
coz it's really cheap and really lovely. i cant keep my eyes off it. ha.. you know.. i have been in such a bad mood
for a quite awhile already... but after i was relaxing myself today... i felt a bit better now.. i came back to Tai Po..

got some hot soya milk from a chinese cafe... i seat there... and i just thought of lots of things..
i just want to be happy. i have been always trying to fulfill others' expectation or to do whatever i can to make them
happy.. putting others before myself, but in the end, i always forget about myself. then i would get upset and
feel like being taken for granted.. but i'd never really tried to protect myself or say... do some fav for myself..
i'm supposed to be a happy person.. even though this is a reality world... and i'm 23 already... i wont be able
to stay as young as i used to be... i dont wanna stay stressed or unhappy all the time you know... i wanna take time
to enjoy my youth while i still could.. i want to appreciate what i could have.

then yea...

i took that lesson with Ivy.. i miss those kids soooo much. Kelly, Hugo, Joshua, Eddy, Natalie, and Eunice.
then yea... then Ivy and i stayed for another hour doing some work.. opening a new class, switching schedule.
then Ivy is gonna be on leave again, so... fixing the schedule with her.. i would need to work more hrs, which is
good for me actually. but i would be really tired and really busy. like, really full schedule for 2 weeks.
then i would have a whole week off at the playland morning section, but evening section would be normal.
CityU's work is not very heavy this week, but dont know for the next 2 weeks. well.. i just need more money
before i leave..

everything is confirmed... so i m going to confirm with mom this weekend of on next Mon.. then also giving the
resignation to Dr. Li next week. it should be okay. i would talk with her like... still working for her on the
internet through e-mails, in case she cant find someone to take over.

i e-mailed honey just now... humm.. yea i know my problem.. sigh.. anyway.. i do appreciate his help.
actually... i m not very used to ask ppl for help.. coz i dont like it... and that's why i havent asked my family
for any money or anything since i was 17.. except the time when i was in Van studying. that 6 months..
i was spending my savings, plus my dad was supporting me. and so i came back to HK. coz.. i dont want
my family to suffer for me. if dad was going to support me for 2 years sth, my family would have been
suffering a lot. and i dont want that. so.. even when i was continuing my degree at UIU, i was on student loans,
and taking "a part time'' job at the same time.

anyway.. i wanna thank honey for that.. i hope everything would be fine, and i'm looking forward to seeing
him soon.. i'm so lonely and i dont know.. i just hope everything would be fine soon.





>>September 11, 2009 at 3:46:36 PM GMT+8