2009 年 6 月 29 日 星期一 【晴】

hello..

i got up ard 1 sth... i got almost 10 hrs sleep.. it was okay..
i came on line... started checking mails and looking for jobs... i saw honey.... then i washed up,
made coffee, made brunch... then eating and checking out jobs... i was stressed, like... looking at the ads,
and doing the calculation... it really sucks. sigh. but yea i will see what i can do... it's kind of depressing..
then chatted with honey as well... i asked for his advice, and talked with him a bit... then yea..

i kindda feel bad... coz... i really want to get enough money soon, and fly back soon.. but... there's nothing
much i can do. i'm trying. then.. i told honey that... i should relax myself.. i think i really need to relax.
i'm very tensed actually. it's like i know i really wanna fly back, and i'm finding ways to go back there...
but at the same time i'm worried about my family's reaction, i'm thinking about my study plan and other
stuffs. then i'm thinking about honey as well. so it's like... what can you do, Cas? anyway, i'm not giving up,
i'm trying, i just wanna go back there with him.

i stayed home till 6 pm... then got ready to go jogging.. i took Miki with me. she wants some exercise too.
it's the first time i go with Miki. and it's been so long i havent gone jogging.. then yea, it was fun to have
Miki with me. we walked down to the sports ground. Miki likes there. but it was closed... then i suggested
the jogging path near around home. so yea.. we did that... 20 mins run, 15 mins walk as warm up and after
the run. it was okay... sweat so much... and even we got up, i was still sweating for another 50 mins..
i went home, did lots of stretching then sitting around.. it feels good after exercise. i'm gonna do that again,
but i wanna run longer.. i dont know if Miki is gonna run with me, but i wanna do it for another 10 mins or
15 mins.. and also... maybe some cycling on the machine at home.

i still have a chocolate tart as dessert tonight.. i know cutting down of sugary food would help a lot..
but i really love chocolate so much.. so... hee.. and honey said it's okay. so yea it's okay. haha.

tomorrow i wanna tidy up my stuffs, exercise, and.... i might ask about Mc cafe. if they are still hiring,
i might try my luck. but the money is soooooooooo less. i wonder if i would like it.. but... i dont know.. i will see..
i worked at Pacific Coffee before.. i would love to work in Starbucks, but they are not hiring normal barista,
they are finding store managers only. anyway.. i would love to learn better skils in making coffee,
and more knowledge of coffee too. i know how to use the professional coffee machine to make expresso
with the nice coffee cream floating on the top of it. i know how to make the steam milk and the milk foam,
i know how to make latte, mocha, cappuccino. but once i got the chance doing so, i was leaving there.
it was too tiring for me to work 8 hrs in the early morning, and another 3 or 6 hrs evening class at school.

anyway... i used to think in future, when i become someone's wife and even mom, i would be
making breakfast for my husband and kids everyday. i'm gonna make the very nice coffee every morning.
i'm gonna make the best beverage, lunch, and supper for my family =)

hummm.. it's the end of June now... tomorrow would be the July 1.
the Hong Kong day... well.... my birthday month is end... and... i'm back for a month...
working in this company for almost 2 weeks... i wanna go back to honey now.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is an e-mail i got from my friend. and i have replied this friend right afterward.
it's about a big issue in HK these days. and to be honest, i'm kind of sick of the news of them.
i probably shouldnt put it here anyway.


****
To all my friends and relatives,

The Christian Zheng Sheng Colleage's issue has been reported for weeks, and I am so glad to hear that one of
their alumni got 1B 2D & 1E in A-Level exam. What a great way to show his value to all of us!

Some members in my volunteer working group has visited the school last Friday, and found that they actually
have too many students, even much more than its capicity; with the negative effects shown in its environment,
moving is actually and urgently needed for the school.

Just like what you and I needed, all they need is your acceptance; to carry out their potential and show their value.

There are so much needs in the society, do not keep your eyes shut, just a lift of your finger could bring harmony
to our society. Simply get the door open for someone on a wheelchair, of course you can do it!

****


of course everyone is gonna say, i would accept them as part of the society. sure everyone is willing to lift a
finger to bring harmony, or just hold a door for any disability. for the sake of peace, for the sake of being a gentleman,
even a kid can do that, who wouldn't? you think the people would scold them on the street or shut the door for them
when they walk in? so, what's the point? i mean what's so related to the whole issue of that school's move?

i am not saying we shouldn't accept them, but what can we do? i mean those people in the village, there is their home,
and they do have the right to choose to live with whom, their neighborhood. what do you expect? that school is
FORCING to get in the village. there wasn't hatred before, so the school shouldn't have had anything to blame. the
school needs help, definitely no one is gonna say no. but why not choosing somewhere else but has to be that
village? and i feel like they're using "acceptance" or discrimination as the weapon to threat other people to let them
living there. how selfish is that?

think about it, the world does have space for them, people do respect them. they could take other places, or work
out with some organizations to find the best solution but they didn't. they just want to get their way. is it really the
village folks' fault? of course they are gonna be freaked out. this is just not a good way to gain respect or acceptance.
in fact, what i see is they are trying to get attentions and sympathy from everyone to get their way. they have no ideas
what influences they are making to the others, they are not ready to discuss with people, they only want their way.
no wonder the government is staying out from it. it's just the reality that they know exactly some people is going to label
them, and so they are using it to get what the want. but don't forget that, no one means to label them or go against them,
if they were not forcing to get their own way at the first place.

I'm very glad that some students get the second chance of life, some of them get a whole new start, that's really
impressive. but I'm sure there are some would just go back to the drug dealers or maybe other crimes. did they
mention that too? no. i definitely think it's urgent for them to get out from the old place. but forcing to live in someone's
home, and if those people say no, then saying people are rude or not accepting them,.... that's just bullshit, selfish,
and pathetic.

>>June 30, 2009 at 6:29:11 PM GMT+8

2009 年 6 月 28 日 星期日 【晴】

hello.

i slept very late last night.. i dont know.. i'm just messing up with my sleep time these days.
maybe i should really go to bed earlier if i dont have anything to do.

i woke up by a phone call, thanks Ivy for calling. the first thing she said was... "are you sleeping?"
i was like.... humm? i'm okay, what's up? then she told me a million things about the lesson plan,
and i was still in bed.. i didnt wanna grab a pen or some paper, i was hoping she would stop talking so that
i could fall asleep again. but she kept going and going, i just kept thinking of what she said and responding,
so i just... waken up by her. sigh... i came out from my bed, and sit at the table, start writing and talking..
then she talked about other things, like the teacher and other stuffs... i was thinking like... are we friends now?
you know what, we were on phone for 1 hr 25 mins. my phone's battery died. i appreciated her call and
different things that she did for me, like covering me about my absent shift.. but... yea... i dont know.
she's kind of nice person to work with, especially we are so alone at work, and we do have a lot to do together.
i hope i dont need to work with that class teacher, or that Michelle.. the class teacher, she is lazy and would
push the cleaning jobs to me. she wasnt training me as a teacher, she was trying to train me as her assistant
that to help her finish what she doesnt want to do, which sucks and i dont it. then Michelle was the weird one
who would ask me too many personal questions and at the same time she lied to me, and showed attitude
to me, which i wont accept. so... it's just... weird. i wont mind working with them, and i dont hate them personally.
it's just work... like team-work and corporation. so.. yea... i'm fine, but just gotta be careful working with them.
dont wanna fall into the political games between them. obviously Ivy is having something with that teacher,
and Michelle is gonna pissing everyone off as well.

so... yea... i'm okay. but to be honest, how much this place is paying us? so little..
i dont mind to work extra, work hard, balh blah.. but... this pay is like... come on.. i wouldnt mind to do triple
work loads from now on, but please at least give me some more money like full time salary, then i can do
whatever i have to do, you know.. now it's just... i wanna do but look at the time i'm spending and the money
they are giving, i'm just.... unsure if it really worths it. coz i really need money. i'm not a part time housewife
wanna kill time, i'm in need with a job and money. i probably shouldnt complain so much... but i'm just impatient.
i should be patient if i know what i am doing is right. but now, who can tell me? i have to trust myself, yea?

i talked with honey about these, and what happened at the centre blah blah... he suggested me finding another
job as well. well... yea, i m trying to find another part time job now. i need to save money, then i could go back
to Van. i just wanna be with my honey. not that i dont love my family or friends or HK, just that honey is
there, and i dont wanna be apart with him. i've been back for a whole month already, and i miss him so much.
anyway, we talked today.. and i was tired sitting home and feel bad about sitting home doing nothing much.

i just wanna take a walk then burn some calories, i went to the library... returning books with Miki. then i went to
the Shakey Pizza.. Tai Po branch is not hiring actually but Sha Tin. hummm i dont know, i would call tomorrow.
i went to the library a bit earlier then last time, it was a bout to rain again. i hate it so much.. it's either melting hot
or pouring rain. i told honey about this, then he said it's time to leave HK. ha... i love hk coz i am raised here..
but if you ask me if HK is a nice place to live? hummmmmm the shitty weather, the crowd, the bad attitude of ppl,
these three things are just disgusting to me. other than that, of course i love Tai Po, i love my family and friends
and my school. yea.

sometimes i would wonder how's everything going there... i mean in Van... i'm not there, but the world doesnt
stop for me. so... life goes on here, life goes on there. i miss him so much. i'm worried when i 'll tell my parents
about i would be going over again then they might be angry at me... and i'm worried i m taking lots of risks as well.
but... i want to be with him. i love him.

i dont know.. i wanna do so much things since i have this week off... i wanna... go to the islands, hang out
with my friends, read my books, tidy up my room and stuffs, get things more organized, spend time at home...
of course wanna be on line with him.. and i dont know... i want to start learning Japanese now or... learn
something new since i have plenty of time.. okay... i should go to bed...

oh yea... i have got some new ideas for my lesson plans already..
i would need to work on them later, and also organize my work stuffs at home..

>>June 29, 2009 at 7:21:50 PM GMT+8

2009 年 6 月 27 日 星期六 【晴】

i m very sleepy. i guess after typing this, i'm going to bed.

it was a very tiring day yesterday. it's like.... coz i sleep very late these days.. usually sleep ard 4 or 5..
then... yesterday i just went to Lee sir's wedding. it was lucky that Shan called to wake me up.. otherwise...
anyway.. it was good. i got to see some of my old school buddies. we met up at the train station. and
there were soooooo many ppl waiting for the shuttle bus, and we were all going to the same wedding.
so yea, and the ceremony went very well actually. i dont know very well about the Christian style ceremony..
but it was great. we were all very happy for them. and there were some funny moments, some jokes..
then after that, we just went to a Chinese cafe... we talked alot.. joking around.. and yea... all of us were
asking each others about who's gonna be the next bride or groom. it was funny, coz only Maggie was
married.. and we were asking her about the marriage life and having babies... but then Queenie and Shan
werent there.. humm i kindda felt bad coz when i got to the train station, i didnt wait for Shan and Queenie..
i called Shan the night before to confirm the time we would meet up.. but she didnt confirm me.. so when
Tung called me after her, i just said yea, we could meet up first... so i met up with him and Maggie at the
train station.. and who knows maybe i would see Shan and Queenie there before Tung. coz anyway we
all would wait at that station for the shuttle bus. but the thing is... all my buddies were already there, and
i was late, Shan and Queenie were even more late than me.. and Tung and Samuel kept pushing me to
go with them first.. so... i just went with them and i didnt call. we didnt wait for the bus coz it was quite
close actually, when we got to the church... Queenie and Shan were there too after maybe 5 mins?
but then i sensed that Queenie might be angry at me... hummmm.... when we left, we went to separated
road, and Sang gave us a ride back to Tai Po.. so... i just called them in his car... hummmmmmmmm....
i kindda felt bad for that... beside this, everything was okay and fine.... Maggie is gonna arrange a BBQ
night in July... i would be helping her.. so yea...

but then last nigh when i got home, i was sooooo tired... then after dinner, i started preparing for my
lesson today again. i finished late... then Alessja asked me for help on her cover letter of her resume..
i know i know it's urgent.. and... fine, just had a quick look and... fine... just helped her to edit it.
coz the thing is... i saw her working hard on this, and it's like she needed it so much and urgent, so...
that's what a friend for, a best friend of hers.. so... just helped her without a second thought.
i went to bed... and... damn damn damn...

i freaking overslept this morning. i went to bed around 4 sth am? then.... i was supposed to get up ard
8 am, coz i have an early class, and the principal was gonna watch me teaching. but OMG... it was so
embarrassing. i was still sleeping when Ivy called at 10 15 am! i was like OH MY GOD! i'm SO SORRY.
but you know what... she put me on the afternoon class.... and wanted me to be there earlier... so that
she could teach me something new.. okay... so... i got up and got prepared.. had the extra strong coffee..
i was kind of pissed at myself, like WTF. how could it possibly happen? 3 alarms at 3 different times,
i freaking missed all of them. it's just terrible.. and i had a demo test today. the principal was going to
evaluate on me. i felt very terrible actually. i kept asking myself how embarrassing it is, how could it
happen? anyway... i went there, it was poring rain again. i hate it so much. i hate HK summer. it's hot,
it's melting hot! or it just pouring rain, like pouring water! what's wrong with HK? when i was small,
it wasnt like that. in Christmas it was cold, in summer it was cool. now, winter is not cold, summer sucks.
it's not as livable anymore. and i kept wasting money on the taxi ride. and i still got all wet. i hate it so much.
when i was in class, my pants were wet, and i need paper towel to help drying my pants. nice yea?

i dindt do the demo thing in the end... and the principal didnt come as well, not in the morning neither.
i was like, what? i was that lucky? and the ting is how come she didnt show up? strange.. and i was
so guilty. i kept apologizing.. and Ivy was like it was okay, nothing gone bad, just nothing. i asked her
what usually would happen? she said nothing, just missed a class and take another one. i was like... ok....
i told her like, coz it usually should be very serious. she said no it's ok. she laughed at me though like
how come i was so dead in bed couldnt hear any sounds.. humm i actually know myself couldnt get up
in my first 4 hrs sleep, but i just didnt expect it would happen like this. coz last night, i kept reminding
myself that i HAVE to get up, i have to get up. and it usually works. so.. anyway.. whatever..

after class, Ivy asked me to stay for a meeting with her, then she would teach me more.. the thing is..
the class was end at 4, so i was thinking i could leave by 5 or 5 sth... but no... i was there till 7 pm!
i was helping her to do the calculations, the ordering, listening to the meeting with the admin staffs..
the thing is... it's so messed up. i dont understand how could be that stupid. and i was like... wondering..
if i can take over some of the jobs, then probably things would be much easier and more simple.
i'm sorry. she's nice to me, and just a nice supervisor to me.. teaching me lots of teaching skills, i like
working with her too.. but sometimes ... i do wanna help but dont know if i should say something..
or how much i should say.. coz... like today, i pointed out 2 things to her... she was thinking and she
thought my idea would work better. but actually... there were so many things i was say but... i dont
know if i should say. the reason why i wanna say something is coz i want more students and improve
the classes, so that i can have more income. sigh. i was waiting in the meeting room coz Ivy was
running in and out of the room... and i was even playing with my phone, i was so bored..

when i was sitting doing nothing... it made me thinking of honey even more.. like.... i need a stable income
that could support me to get a credit card and an air ticket. i need them so much. i need my honey.
like today... when i was on this "morning" and afternoon before heading to work... i was on line...
i was so happy that he was on as well.. i didnt mean to bitch to him about how shitty i was, but i was
just glad that he was on. at that moment, i didnt want to tell any of my best friends or any other ppl...
the first person i wanna speak with was him... then my family. mom kept asking me what's going on..
and i was annoyed by myself. after talking with him, i felt much better. well he didnt say anything much,
but it just... calm me down. i heard him Dave was there with him.. i was happy too.. like... that's great.
anyway... i miss him... i wanna fly back there not coz of the difficulties i have here. it was much more
difficult before when i was so desperate looking for a job... i really wanna fly back there coz he is there..
i promised him that i would go back there, and he would see me soon. and i also promised myself that
before i would see him again, i would try to live my life happily and beautifully, i would learn a lot of
new things, i would be brave... so when he sees me again, he would see a better girlfriend, a better me.
i love my life so much.. and i really wanna share my life with him... including everything.. i want to show
him the sides that others dont see.. i wanna share my most inner things with him.. whatever in the past,
my life in HK or anywhere.... i'm a very easy going person when it's about making friends. i talk about myself.
i'm very open about my stories, but there are always a clear line in my heart that... friends are not close
friends. close friends are not him my honey. so... even though i seem like not having many secrets in my
life, i do have some and i do have some inner thing that i dont share, or i feel so special about.. and all of
these would only go with.... a very special kind of feelings.. that... would only go with... one special person,
which is him... everything with him is just... different, special.

i should stop...
hey... what if ... when i wake up tomorrow i would be able to see him again..
just like... when i got up in the morning, when i had my coffee or tea or while making breakfast in the kitchen,
i would see him and greet him.. then maybe we could watch Star Trek or news together before work,
or we could even visit the water place, chatting with the owner before lunch.. isnt it just nice and what i like?
or he would walk to my room, knock on my door to wake me up... or he would be in my room when i came
back from the bathroom? when he's leaving home to work, i d never missed one time of saying bye to him
unless i wasnt home.. oh Castor...

okay...

July's schedule finally came out.. and this coming week, i wont have any lessons coz it's the 5th week of a month.
i find it so stupid. so they lost lots of money on every 5th week in a month. and it's sooooo inefficient.
anyway, bad news is this week i have no income. good news is i have more time to look for another job now,
and i could arrange my stuffs, take time thinking for the lesson plans, take time to exercise, take time to do some
baking and making food, take time to tidy up as well. take time to think about how to go back to Van earlier.

>>June 28, 2009 at 7:30:55 PM GMT+8

2009 年 6 月 25 日 星期四 【晴】

hey...

these two days were very busy..

yesterday i woke up like in the afternoon... i was soooooo tired.
the day before, i only got 1 hr sleep. and then... last night... i slept ard 5 sth am.. got up ard 12 sth..
i'm very sleepy. the thing is... i was home doing research. i got the general ideas of what i would
want to do with the class today but... yea.. was trying to find references and samples..
then.. honey was on line =) then... we chatted for a short while. i wanted to go to the library,
but i really wanted to stay home more since we do have huge time difference... you know...
i just... miss him so much.. before i would be there, i just hope to.... have some interactions with
him so that i wont feel like he's too far from me. it really makes me wanna cry but... i want to be
strong and dont want him to think i'm too weak or worry for me. all he needs to know is i do miss
him so much and love him so much, and i would be there soon. i'm trying to save money and
planing on my next trip.

anyway... i went to the library... and stayed there for awhile.. found 5 story books that would be
suitable for the kids. then... i walked home.. and got some stickers as well. i chose Winnie The Pooh.
haha. then... yea... i was home and resting.... i was really tired. then... i got dinner and started
writing my lesson plan. i could have gone to bed first and finished up this morning, but i stayed up
till it was done. and i made the worksheet, the key-learning-point slip for the parents as well.
i was glad that i saw honey on line. then i just stayed for awhile longer.. hee.

today, i got up late around 12 sth.. then got ready to work... i had a very strong coffee. then i was reading
my lesson plan as well. i wanted to get up earlier in the morning, then went to the centre to get some
photo copies and paper cutting.. but i couldnt get up. i was so dead. i set up my alarm, and i missed them,
three of them, none of them woke me up. i got up coz i needed to go to the bathroom.
so yea.... the class started at 4 pm, i was supposed to be there by 3 30.. but i was there ard 3 20.
just busy doing the final prep. and it was pouring rain outside. i was all wet although i did have an umbrella.
i just walked down from home, like in 5 mins, i was all wet. i just stood there and waited for a taxi instead.
too bad, still all wet.

the class was okay....... i was a bit nervous. the kids dont listen sometimes.. Ivy said i was too nice or too
soft to them. i should be louder and be firmed. i thought i was okay, but i didnt know how to control the
class, coz two boys were like running around, very against each others, making none sense noises.
i tried to separate them and voice up against them. but i found them very destructive to the class. coz the
other students got distracted by them all the time. i wanna ask one of them out of the classroom. but since
Ivy spoke up for me, then situation got slightly better, but after awhile it's just bad again. it's not an chaos.
but yea... the age difference is the class is definitely a problem. the youngest one and the oldest one perform
so differently, and they shouldnt be in the same class i think... but they think it's okay. Ivy thinks i need
more class management skills, but in general i got very good ideas and the lesson plan was good. just need
more experience and speak louder... yea... and then i m thinking of the Sun morning one as well.
coz the thing is... what i use for today shouldnt be that practical for the Sun babies class. hummm i will
see.. and i need to practice the songs... ha..... then soon, i would need to do 4 more lesson plans.

i'm thinking when i would go over to Van again... hopefully this December? now it's almost July...
i need to get my full salary to save money which i dont have now. so.... yea... i've never been in Van in
winter before. and then yea.. gotta wait and see....

Michael Jackson is dead, and so did another famous lady... i feel kindda bad for that... especially for MJ.
i dont have a very good impression on him... but.... his death is definitely big to many many ppl...
and to be honest, his songs and dancing werent that bad... but only his face freaks me out and also his
scandals. hummmm too bad.. we have lost two talented artists.

tomorrow is Lee sir's wedding. we are all going. ha........ i remember my schoolmates used to joke around
like Lee sir would never get marry. some of the students were saying like oh i'm so worried for him. haha
of course they were all joking.. but when we heard the news, we were all pretty surprised, so i guess
those jokes werent just jokes, they were joked for some reasons. hahaha. but yea, so everyone is so
happy for him and the thing is he was always so funny when he was teaching. i wouldnt go if he wasnt
my class teacher for 2 years, and had been teaching me for 4 years. hahaha. anyway.. yea... i wouldnt
want to go if it's just any normal wedding. coz i would rather staying home. i'm very tired and just wanna
stay home with honey. but Lee sir invited me twice. so.. guess i should go.

hummm... i hope honey could have better rest at night. i know it's not easy, it's not so nice... but....
i do hope things would get better, and seriously i'm committed to work this relationship out with him.

>>June 26, 2009 at 6:13:27 PM GMT+8

2009 年 6 月 24 日 星期三 【晴】

hello..

last night i couldnt sleep.. i kept reading my book and the info on line..
there would be a conference in City U as well... i'm thinking if i should go actually.
i went to bed this morning ard 5 am... got up at 6 am... it's so crazy.. 1 hr sleep.
i dont like it, but.... whatever. i gotta finish my things.

i got up, got ready to work... i had 2 big cups of coffee... watched Craig Fugerson Late show on Youtube.
haha yea late show in the morning... i usually watch CNN news or local news on line in the morning, or sometimes
The Inbetweeners. i just want some sounds... that makes me feel better as in.... that's what i used to do when
i was in Van with him. and then... i dont wanna feel so lonely especially in the morning. mom, Miki, Leggy are
usually getting ready to go to school as well.. but we all have different schedule so yea..

anyway, i headed to work. i dont look as good i know. i look very tired. but it was okay. i liked the class.
Ivy actually talks a lot. and she told me today that i look pretty serious when she taught me stuffs. then i laughed.
i said yea, coz i dont wanna make mistakes. well i know actually, i am very serious at school and work usually.
so yea... she taught me lots of stuffs. we get along quite well. then she started telling me about the class teacher.
hummm i guess that's part of the office politics which i dont really like to get involved. the thing is... i am there to
work, to learn, and to get paid. i could make friends, but i dont want enemies or any hazzels in my head. and the
thing is.... come on, when you back mouth the other ppl, does that mean you're so perfect that has nothing
needed to be improved? when you're making so much complains, do you think that that person is never gonna
find out or never find the same problems against you? if this way is not gonna help the situation, why not work
something out more constructive. i dont mind to listen, coz i think in a way, she's just trying to remind me
what the right procedure is, and what i'm supposed to do and not to do. it might not be something personal
against that teacher, but i dont wanna make it sounds like i'm a new teacher here, and Ivy is trying to get me
on her team or something like that. i am always careful on such things. coz i saw it happened too many times
before when i was working with more ppl before.. so.... i dont know. i'm careful at work, just to protect myself
and my friends at work, but i would never do anything or intend to do something harmful to others. if you're
good, ppl can see it, and they know it. if you're not good, ppl know it too. that day, that strange new girl...
Ivy gave her a hard time, Ivy told me by herself. i was like oh really? why? then i heard her story. that new
girl is very bad actually. she lied to me about her education. i wasnt there to chat with her or asking her
anything, but she always tried to have conversations with me, asking me personal info and telling me about
herself. i was like... okay...... and i was working, busy. anyway, i have no ideas why she has to interupt me
with lies. it's just strange. she wasnt even employed yet. then now, i dont know... girls.... working with girls
is kind of troublesome sometimes you know...

then.. after class, i was talking with some parents and doing some prep as well. then... yea... got the ideas
of what i'm gonna do on the Sunday class. i would need to lead that afternoon class.
then.. tomorrow i would go back there to prepare for the materials.

i stayed extra long at work today, coz Ivy was telling me so much stuffs and teaching me different things.
then i just rushed back home... i had cup noodles... then my third cup of coffee... then i got changed...
then fixed my make up and hair.. then rushing to go for my interview at City U. i was in such a hurry..
i saw honey on line. he was just home... i was like only 20 or 25 mins earlier? then i just gotta go...

i took the interview.. it was pretty okay... but i dont know if she is gonna hire me. she's the prof and the
incharge person of this research project. hummm i dont know. it's a project with a University in Shang Hai.
hummm... yea... then after that, i met up with Miki. we went to the bookstore together.. and also walked
around. she's looking for some shorts. and i was just there with her. my heels were killing me.. and eventually
i just bought some beach flip flops/ sandals from ROXY. it was like 50% off. just so cheap and i need them
so much. i just quickly changed my heels. i looked weird i guess, shirt, skirt, with beach flip flops... ha...
but they are the nice one and very very cheap. then... we came home.... my feet pain... i fell asleep...
and i just came on line for awhile... i saw honey on then off... then i had dinner... and i fell asleep just now..

hummmm =( i miss him. i wish i could be there with him, or just have him beside me... you know, i'm not a
little girl anymore, though sometimes i have my childish moments... i'm okay living my life in HK with my
family and friends... i struggle lots... in the end, i just wanna be next to him. but i guess i would just take
this chance like.... the time before i would move there, i would just take all the challenges i could have in
Hong Kong. i would live well with my family and friends here. coz anyway, one day i am gonna move to
Van or Japan with him. but till then, i still wanna be a good girlfriend for him, be my best for him.

i read a notes from a friend just now... it said...
女人的吻特別寶貴。 所以你不會輕易得到。
woman's kiss is especially treasurable, and that's why you wont get it easily.

女人不輕易給人吻， 也許是因為由嘴唇傳到嘴唇的微溫很容易令人心動。
woman doesnt give kisses easily. perhaps because of the touch of lips, lips to lips,
the warm and gentleness between would easily touch ppl' heart.
就像一齣很久以前的外語片， 當妓女的女主角也不會被客人吻她，
it's like a movie from long time ago, the main character lady there was a hooker, but she d never let her
clients kiss her. "Pretty Woman"- Julia Roberts
可想而知吻對女人的重要性。
It shows how important kisses are for a woman.

i just cant agree more with this. i d never kissed anyone i dont love. i had a few ex bfs before,
but i didnt kiss every of them. Stephen is the second guy i have kissed. and he has been the first one
for many many many things i have ever done in my life before. i remember when there were guys
trying to kiss me before, i just pushed them away. sometimes kisss dont mean so much, but...
a meaningful one? hell yea... it's so important.

tomorrow... i would need to go to the centre in the morning, finish my lesson plan, and prepare for my lesson...
dont wanna submit my lesson plan and stuffs at the last min. i wanna come home in the afternoon.
i actually would need to find some more sources and also some stickers as well.
i dont like to stay out so often... then yea... i'm thinking if i should go to the conference on Fri and Sat.
i just wanna be home in his morning time and night time, just like what i used to be when i was there...

>>June 24, 2009 at 6:01:58 PM GMT+8

2009 年 6 月 22 日 星期一 【晴】

i got up ard 1 30 pm today... slept very late last night.
very tired... if i wasnt waked by a few phone calls, i wouldnt have been up that early.

i have a lot of things to do today... then... checked the e-mails... i was kindda like... stressed.
coz the thing is.. i already know i have alot to do today, then i got up late and very tired.
and i got my good friend's e-mail. she needed my help. it sounds quite urgent. but it's like...
it would take me a long time to help her fixing her file. it's hard for me to do so, coz it's stressful
for me. i dont mind to help as in... if we could talk and work together. but sending me a file and
asking me to fix it, it really affects my schedule. it's like all of the sudden, i gotta stop doing my
tasks. i know it sounds pretty bad if i'm unwilling to help, since she's my very good friend..
but... i just feel bad. coz... i have given her sources to look into, given her advice, talked with
her about how she could fix it on her own... she just made a few changes and sent back to
me and asked me to fix it for her. i'm like... i'd never done this for anyone, not even my sisters.
everytime if anyone wants me to helping with writing or assignment, i did that with them next
to me, so that i made sure they understood what i was saying, and so they would know and
need to edit on their own. i think... it's kindda like i have the very high standard of ethics on it,
i'd never done homework for others, never copied answers from others, never given answers
to others, never cheated on tests or exams or homework... so... yea... but then i still made some
changes, a few changes for her, and marked a lot of places for her to edit on her own. that's
the only thing i could do for her. and to be honest, i'd never postponed my schedule for the
others like this before... so........... hope that could help her... in fact, if she follows what i said
to her, i'm so sure she would be able to fix it on her own.

another thing is... the tutorial place called me... Ivy called me to tell me they have changed my
schedule. i was like... sigh.... well i told Ivy that's okay but i would prefer having Fri class
instead of Sun. but they have added one more class to me.. they said they wanna train me
with the different classes, for me that's an excuse. coz those students on Sun are the students
on Fri. and the thing is... there would be one extra class to do and... it just doesnt make sense
to me why they have to change me to Sun in such a short notice.

anyway.. i stayed home whole day. i was doing revision of my book and... doing research on line.
hummm... kind of boring and stressed..

Denis mesged me... he was asking if we could have lunch together sometimes... it's been long
i havent talked with him actually. but he told me he worked next store to me.. i was surprised.
he said he saw me another day. so yea.. he said we could have lunch together.. i said yea we
would see.. then he asked me again today... i said i cant tomorrow... then he just went off line..
what's the problem? i havent confirmed with him yet, why he's pissing off at me?

tomorrow i would have an early class till 11 am... then i would have an interview at 2 30 pm...
i'm a bit... nervous. but yea... after that, i would go to the book store to get some stickers and
check out the new books.

i miss honey. today when i was studying, i thought of him... and we were both on line...
we didnt talk much today but i thought of the days i was there... i've been back for almost a month.
when am i going back there? while i'm having fun at my new job, and working hard on the
interviews, have i already forgotten the bigger plan in future? no... i havent given it up yet,
i still plan to go over again, and if he's going to Japan, then i would go there as well. i'm just...
doing whatever i can do at the moment... doing what i should do..

it was so beautiful there. Van is a beautiful place, but... what attracts me more is... him..

>>June 23, 2009 at 7:40:37 PM GMT+8

2009 年 6 月 21 日 星期日 【晴】

hello.

i slept like around 3 sth last night... then i got up at 6 sth. i was super sleepy.
i was getting ready to work, making coffee and having breakfast.. watching news.. checking mails.

i worked today. it was not too bad. i really like being with the kids. this morning was the baby class.
and yea it was kind of funny. i was the first one there, now i'm a teacher, i cant let myself being late,
and i make sure myself well prepared before the class start. make sure i have done what i should do.
then Ivy was back. we talked for a short while. then the students started coming. then i help checking
their tempeture, taking record of their attendance, putting name tag on them.. then yea, class started.
i think actually the procedure could be much easier but i dont know why it seems so complicated.
anyway, coz we all need to use alcohol to clean our hands and help the kids doing it too. then i saw
the spray and the wet wipe. i was trying the spray. then Ivy freaked out. i was like what? are these
not for people? then she laughed. i took a wipe wiping my hand, then she said HAHA you're so funny,
then she looked so serious and said, go wash your hands. i think she's the one funny. haha.
but yea, it's kind of dangerous, coz the label didnt show clearly what its for. and there were some
other problems too that i think i should point out too...

anyway, there was another new girl... from the Canadian international school. i start to wonder if "The
Principal" really likes hiring ppl who are related to Canada. Ivy is from Toronto. I was studying in Van.
this girl is in the Canadian school in HK. but she seems so weird though. i dont know.
but i got a call from her this afternoon, she said she would sit in the Fri class, and i would be the class
teacher on Fri. hummmm i told honey about that too.. coz i dont find kids learning anything much, so i
really would like to add something to the class, and make some materials on my own. you know, i just
wanna make sure the kids can actually pick up something from the class. not just come playing.

after work, i stayed for another 30 mins as usual... to talk with the parents, and tidy up a bit..
then Ivy was chatting with me as well. and the new girl was waiting for her second interview. i wont say
i dont like her, but she's a bit weird. she seems nice and okay, but as a candidate, she's kindda annoying.
she was interrupting the class while watching us. then she asked lots of ques that she shouldnt ask.
then her appearance was .... weird. i dont know, but she was trying to ask me lots of personal ques,
but i dont know her at all. i was working and doing my job. i was just as usual, you know.. i'm pretty okay
with everyone, but she made me a bit uncomfortable. even Ivy winked at me twice, asked me to get rid of her.

anyway, i ran back home. i was resting. i was really tired. i love being with the kids. sometimes we
play games, and they run around, i have to catch them and hold them. i have to take care of them during
snack time. i need to assist them doing crafts. i dance and sing with them. it's just a fun job for me.
then i observe them and thinking of what they can do to improve, and thinking of what i could have done
differently if i were the class teacher. anyway... i was tired.

i went home then chatted with honey for awhile. heehee.. then i headed out for lunch with my parents.
back home chatting with honey as well. we talked alot about.... what we are gonna do, blah blah.
i wanna see him soon. i cant wait.

i got another call for another interview, but i wonder if i should go. i probably wont go but i kindda feel bad.
coz this is not what i would like to do but introduced by my aunt. so i had no ideas what this job is about
actually. then i'm very busy, coz i need to do some quick revision of two of my textbooks, then also read
my research paper again.. coz i would have the interview at City U on Wed afternoon after work.
then also... i would need to go to the library to look for some teaching resources for the Friday class.
i need to go back to the centre though, to see the file, like what theme it would be on that day, and see
what it has been done already, so that i can prepare much better. and i also would need to choose a few
songs and thinking about what crafts to do. busy busy.

i'm thinking how big chances honey is gonna going back to Japan. if he does, then i might be really going
there too. and.. i really like my nursery job right now. so... i dont know. then also, i would start learning
Japanese soon. i always wanted to learn Korean, i remember a little bit still. i always wanna pick up one
more language. i can handle that. but i never got decided wether learning Korean or some other language.
and i d never got time to do so. so... maybe now it's the right time to start, since honey is supporting me
on this =) then i also wanna go to the yoga class and dancing class. but i would do them step by step.
right now, i just wanna make sure i could have the stable income and see when i could go over to Van again.
and then... yea... just wanna lose some weight, wanna do more exercise, i wanna enjoy my days here,
wanna have fun at work. well, i actually quite like my job right now. i love to be around the kids.

anyway.... i wish i could be next to honey. i still dream of him now.. and.. when i'm sleeping at night,
i just think of him... wishing he could be sleeping next to me. then of course i miss more, like some other
things we have done together hee. humm..

i should go to bed..

>>June 22, 2009 at 6:14:49 PM GMT+8

2009 年 6 月 20 日 星期六 【晴】

Hi.

in the past few days, i was taking time to rest and relax myself.
recently, i have been quite stressed about different plans i wanna make.

i worked at that tutorial school the past week. it's kindda like training me. it was okay actually.
i quite like it, being around the kids. setting some objectives, preparing some stuffs to do with them, then just
play, sing, dance, doing crafts, talking with them.. then yea, see what they've learnt.. hummm that's my job...
but then i wonder what they have learnt. the thing is the course design has problems. i dont feel good to point
them out coz i'm new there. but yea, if i would be the class teacher, i would have done things differently.
but i'm not, so... just follow them first i guess.

so, on Friday, honey's birthday there... i had two lessons. the first one was the earliest, 9 - 11 am.
it was okay, babies class. then i got the time gap, i went home... just wanna be there with him. then =) hee.
then i ran back to the centre. i melt. it was sooooooo hot, like sooooo hot. i was sweaty. the teacher, Ivy was so
funny. she saw me, then started laughing. she asked me if i took a nap. i was like what? oh coz i usually tire up
my hair, and that day i just put my hair down. i thought she thought i was too sweaty. in fact i just rushed to the
washroom to take care of my appearance before entering the centre. i need to do the make up, look nice, and
perhaps look like a teacher at least to work there. coz i'm new and i dont wanna look like i'm still a kid or i m just
someone walking around the street.

and yea, the afternoon class was funnier. coz the class teacher was Ivy. she's nice. she's okay. we started
talking more, and i made some jokes in the class with the kids, then she laughed out loud. in a way, she's
more experienced than me, but she definitely needs some improvements on the lesson plan. but it's okay. it's
not bad to work with her. she's organized and smart.

on Sat. i had an interview at Zenith, the kindergarten. it was okay. the manager asked me questions and then
asked me to introduce myself in English. humm i met a lady there. she was very friendly and nice to me.
she was talking with me, and asking me questions, then suggesting me different things. i hope to work with
her if i ever got into Zenith. she's a nice person. after the interview, i ran back home... rested for a bit, then
i went to Elchards. Shan needed to go.. then i was sitting there, helping out a bit. Ella talked with me. hummm..
she wanted to start another business, and want me to be her partner.

today i got up around 1 sth.... i was just really tired. i love being with the kids, but it takes me so much
energy haha. then also.... have been thinking of different plans and the credit card stuffs.
i made lunch for Miki and Leggy, then cleaning up, washing... then yea... have been talking with honey, hee.
then took a walk with Miki. then came home.

these days.... have been talking with honey. i always wanna be on line... even though i need to change my
sleeping schedule, and i dont go out with friends so much, i still wanna stay on line with him. it's not like i am
addicted to the internet. i'm just addicted to him. when i was in Van, i would be on line a few hrs/ day to
do my e-mails, doing facebook, updating news with Shan and my sisters. i didnt have to stay on line if i were
busy and when he and i were out. but now in HK, i just wanna stay on line for him.

i miss him. i really do want to be with him. i'm more okay back home living here now, but... i want to be with
him. i know i would fly back there soon. i just know it'd been soon, and we are planing on it now.

i'm surprised tonight he mentioned about.... marrying me. we didnt go into it, but... now i know he wants it too.
i just want him... oh Castor... =)

>>June 21, 2009 at 7:19:52 PM GMT+8

2009 年 6 月 17 日 星期三 【晴】

today was my first day of work.
but first of all, i wish honey Happy Birthday.
i cant remember what i have wrote exactly on his birthday card. i made it my own haha..
but yea, i think i am happy for his birthday coz... it means a lot to me too.

i'm happy that he was born on the June 18, many many years ago, when i wasnt even exist.
he was already there, experiencing this world, then after so many years i was born.
but we havent known each others untill almost 3 years ago. and our birthday are like within a week,
but in many many years. and i'm so glad that he was born, and so after so many years i could meet him.
so, his birthday does mean a lot to me. although he doesnt celebrate, but i could hahaha. not anything big,
but some little gift. it's not about the gift.. it's just... a kind of happiness that i wanna share with him
about how special i think he is. and so the day he was born means a lot to me. i guess it's a girl thing.
guys probably wont care that much?

anyway, today is my first day of work.
hummmm it was okay. the kids were cute. i was in the class, like an intern. haha.. on training.
hummm it was quite busy, and i can imagine how busy it usually is. but yea, there's another girl on
training like me. hummmm.. i guess it's not toooooo difficult for me, but i dont know. its not a real school.
and the program isnt really that attractive. the class teacher wasnt good. but the second teacher, the
one who trains me now, Ivy, she's okay. then the materials in class are a bit hard for the kids this age.
i dont wanna comment on this now, coz i am only here for 2 days, so i dont know exactly the program
or how the kids progress. but we'll see. i just wanna be a good teacher, help kids learn, help them to
grow up, have the better development as in cognitive, social-psychologically, and.. maybe physically.

then yea, i got a call from Zenith, i would have an interview on this Sat. i'm happy. but i also dont know
what they are going to do with me. so... we will see. then next week, i would go to City University
for an interview as well. i hope everything would go fine.

i went home after work.. i bought lunch.. then i was resting.. i was quite tired. then i took a walk with Miki.
we had bubble tea as well. we went to the banks, then book store, and the drug store... walked home..
i came on line again... humm saw honey was still on line. i was waiting, then i fell asleep. i was sleeping
till dinner time. my sleeping hrs are strange now. got split up. i shouldnt do that, i shouldnt stay up at late night
since i need to get up early in the morning now. i guess if i do change to do full time, i would not be able to
stay up too late.

tomorrow i would have two lessons... from 9-11 am, then 4-6 pm.
Ivy wanted me to stay in the gap time, hummmm actually i wouldnt mind to. she wanted me to do the prep
with her together. actually i wouldnt mind to, but then... tomorrow i cant. coz tomorrow time would still be
honey's birthday night. i dont know for sure if he would be home, but... i dont wanna leave him alone at
home on his birthday. so.. i would come home in the gap, then go back to work.

hummmm dont know what he would do today =P
and i'm glad that he likes the gift =)

>>June 18, 2009 at 7:41:11 PM GMT+8

2009 年 6 月 16 日 星期二 【晴】

last night i was pretty angry.

i didnt sleep well. i couldnt sleep well since i'm back actually. i usually would wake up 1 or 2 times coz of
stomachache. it's weird. then i sleep again, and i would over sleep or just very tired the whole day.

i got up early today, watched new, made coffee, had breakfast, then got ready to "work".
today isnt my first day of work, but i have to be there to see and prepare for tomorrow, coz tomorrow would
be the first day of work. then i went there... i have done lots of cutting. i didnt notice anything wrong till my
thumb got numb, and now it's still numb. it's weird.

i have seen two teachers today.. hummmmm no comments. just wanna do my job, see what i need to do,
gain some experience, get my pay cheque.

this afternoon, i had lunch with my sis Miki. then i got a call from the City University. i would have an interview
next Wed afternoon. i applied a position there before. then... Mr.Hui e-mailed me as well telling me there are
a few vacancies in the companies. he has referred me to his friends there. Stephen was right, if i am patient
enough, then probably i would get more response later. and i'm so confused now. the thing is... i'm planing to
go back to Vancouver. i dont know what i should do now. this is definitely not something i am used to.
i know i shouldnt keep thinking why i'm back, but i'm really back here. aint i supposed to find a good job here
and go on with my study to become a counsellor or a psychologist? or become a flight attendant?

i know i should have stayed there instead. i know i wanna go back now too.
i know i would like to marry him .. but... i dont know.. i dont think he's ready, otherwise he would have
proposed already, or discussed with me on that. but.. we havent got any plans yet.
i dont wanna be so desperate to find a guy to get marry, coz i cant.

then also i still have lots of things i wanna do, i still have plans. and i always think it has to be with the right
person at the right time for us to get marry. i always think if the guy isnt ready, it's impossible for me to marry
him as well. coz that could be just the most ridiculous mistake in life. i'm ready for the right guy to be in my life,
i'm more than ready to get close with the guy i love. i'm ready to love and be loved. i even fly thousand miles
away just to make this work. i keep going back there. we try different plans. i really stretch out my boundaries.

but now, what i concern is... where are we going.. i know i wanna be with him in the future.. i know i would
want to have his baby. i know all these.. but... if he's ready, he would have proposed already or discussed with
me on that. we dont have plans yet. i guess when the "he" is ready, i would be much more than willing to
give up so much things that i have and just to start the new life with this guy. i'm willing to settle down.. but...
is now the right time?

should i give up my new job and other possible opportunities to go there living with a guy who might not end
up marrying me? you know the most difficult part is... i dont want to pressure him, coz i'm sure he has enough
to think about as well. i dont wanna say like i'm giving up everything for him. like he said, i might have better
chances there. but i really dont know. i do wanna go back there with him.

well but now he's angry at me, isnt he. i'm so tired.
i miss him.

>>June 17, 2009 at 7:08:27 PM GMT+8