2009 年 3 月 2 日 星期一 【晴】

sunday was okay.. took a rest at home.. chatted with honey for awhile.. wanted to use webcam but
Miki didnt want me using webcam when she was there. i found a bit uncomfortable aswell. then yea..
took a walk, met up with Dida. then listening to him.. then back home resting..

yesterday i was at work..
busy busy and busy.. but it was still ok.
Sophia was working as well. we chatted in the morning before she left..
it was so nice to catch up with her. it's nice to work with her. she always share her snack with me
whenever saw me at work actually. haha. then yea.. working..

in the afternoon.. i chatted with honey =) saw him on webcam.. i wanna thank him being there listening
to me.. we talked a lot... and i was working.. i was doing the payroll.. then i left 30 mins late..
then he went to bed. i miss him alot. i miss him there.

i forgot my phone at the office... i went home.. and when i alsmot got home.. i realized my phone was
still at the office.. so i took the same bus back.. took my phone and took a cap home.

last night i slept very late.. i got up ard 1 30 pm.. then.. still lying on mom's bed.. watching tv.. couldnt
really get up. very tired.. especially my back.. then... yea.. had late brunch.. humm resting... i took a
hot shower.. felt better.. then.. yea.. talking with honey for awhile.. Shan was talking to me on MSN
as well. then office got problems.. i knew i might need to go back today but didnt really wanna go back.
so i was talking with her on phone instead last night and today.. anyway.. sigh.. we lost the very
important file.. so.. i went back in the end. i didnt want, and i thought it wouldnt help much anyway..
i walked there.. hummmm very tired, still couldnt find it as expected.. then worked for awhile.. talked
with Shan about the office.. then yea.. saw James there. nothing much. working and working,... my
back was aching.. so.. i left.. i bought some bread and i just came home. i didnt care much about
Carole. she was there.. but just yea... i do my job, that's it.

i came on line again to check on him, not really checking but i mean to see if he's okay, if he's asleep.
i know he's tired.. it would be better if he could rest earlier.. he's still here. i wish he could rest well
tonight. okay.. i think i really need to lay down now..

>>March 3, 2009 at 1:00:56 PM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 28 日 星期六 【晴】

today...

i got up ard 1 40 pm.. i was like... wow. i had almost 11 hrs sleep. i must be very very tired.
i got up... washed up... then... had late breakfast and chatted with honey on line... then had late lunch..
then chatted for a short while again, then.. i took a fast walk to Tai Po Center. i met up with Dida.
haha.. he was still okay, better than i expected. then we talked for awhile at the Jap house.. i had some
grape juice.. he ate.. then we walked to Tai Po Old Market.. then i went home. we talked about Mable.
he was... worried. well i could understand. if i were him, i would be very upset, really. but.. as a guy..
i guess he should be tougher than that. maybe i have the high standard for guys? i dont know..
i just think a guy couldnt be led in that way... i mean... it's your life. you like that girl and you've tried
everything you could, then you have to move on. girl is the same actually. just like myself.. i have been
with Stephen for 2 years and half yay. haha.. but... i had so much unhappiness from our relationship.
i am trying my really best actually.. but just dont get it why im still in it. there must be something about
this guy, but i cant tell. i'm pretty sure i might be happier if i was with someone else.. but still i chose
Stephen. so... what to do. hes not that bad actually. but sometimes does break my heart. i told myself,
if it doesnt work out, then i would still have to let go and move on. i'm a weak one i think... but after so
many things happened.. i cant just keep being the weak one.

back home... resting... then had dinner... and watched tv.. so funny shows tonight..

i dont know... if the person is right.. maybe you would just keep falling for that person.. even though..
you're in love with him... sometimes... he still makes you so mad and then wanna fall out of love..
but,.... the most rediculous thing is that... you cant help to fall in back love with the same person.
this is completely helpless. because...... you might find a hundred reasons for yourself or for him,
but in the end of the day you just know there's no reasons why you could find so much reasons.
if you find someone that let you fall so hard, would you just easily let that person go? what about if
this person does break your heart once awhile? and you know that he's not gonna change? how are
you gonna cope with that? why things are so complicated? i just wanna fall in love with him. i just
want to love him. i just want to be happy, to live with him. why cant we make things easier and simple?
i dont need so romantic stuffs. i just want some little sweet and spice. but i dont want them from the
others.. i want him. i'm still young. i need to experience those kind of sweetness. but i dont want them
with others, but with Stephen. would that be too much to ask for? it shouldnt be. i havent talked with
him about that yet..

in fact.. i have asked him about the working visa.. and the school..
hummmmm... it could be the real challenge if i wanna continue my study in Canada. i'm a bit worried.
but then.... i will see what i can do.. or what i should do. i'm worried about finding the job there.. i am
worried about alot of things actually.. i know it's never easy. but... if it's what i wanna do.. then i would
need to do. i only live once. i dont wanna do anything stupid that would hurt anyone or against my
religion... so... it's really difficult for me to walk my path there. i remember someone said that before,
who you are and what you are, depends on who you like and what you like. it's like from the bible.
for me it's like... i dont like dirty stuffs, i dont like evil things, so i wont be one of them, i cant be them.
take everything as the experience, i could do that. but whatever we do, we need to pay the price.
how much can i afford that? i dont know.

most importantly... if you love that guy so much.. does that mean he can be your husband in future?
i dont think so. if that guy cant show he can be the reliable and faithful guy with you in a family, then..
there's no way you can get marry with him. i dont know if i am the exactly good marry material.. but
i think i wont be too bad. i love Stephen so much, but i think i'm gonna be 23 this year.. i cant wait for
too long anymore. i would need to see if he would be my guy.. i saw a question on Facebook last
night. it asked when i planned on getting marry. i said... whenever my guy is ready to settle down with
ME... after he'll be more into my life, not only his life. another question was.. if i could be someone else
for 1 day, who i would be. i siad... the guy i would date, means Stephen. haha.. well i thought if i were
him, then i would be able to read his mind, and i would love him even more, and i would make him to...
show more attention and care to me as well. haha. it asked.. what attracted me the most.. i siad charm.
it's true.. i dont know why. it's just charm. and he got charm. anyway.. another question was.. who
i counted on when feeling down. the first person i thought of was Stephen. but i knew sometimes i
didnt really count on him when feeling down. i guess it depends. of course he's the first person i want
to run to. but sometimes not him. it could be someone who is involved in the problems so that i could
solve the problems fast. but.. to be honest.. it's still him i wanna count on. so... after so many ques...
at the end... i know.. i'm still in love with him. and this is really strange and pathatic. haha. coz.. there
are just too many reasons for us to seperate... but... we are still in love, well at least i am.

do you think he can stand me actually? sometimes i'm quite crazy.. sometimes i'm quite silly.. sometimes
i am quite sexy.. and sometimes i'm a bit emotional.. sometimes i'm a bit boyish.. sometimes i am... just
weak.. sometimes i'm soft.. sometimes i'm sweet.. could be ambitious and cautious... just... i dont
know. it's me i guess. the bitter and sour sweetie... just like.. the chunky dark chocolate with some
almond and lots of marshmellow.

2009 年 2 月 26 日 星期四 【晴】

i'm very very tired...
kind of like exhausted.

i have been taking taxi to work.. and tonight i didnt walk.. i took a cap as well.
i'm just too tired i guess. my back is sour and also my shoulders..
i had coffee and tea but didnt help much.. i hope i dont have to work tomorrow actually.

it's kindda less stressed at work untill late afternoon. it's been quite busy actually.. but yea... this
evening was quite long. i was always hoping i could leave soon. but then i stayed 30 mins longer.
so it sucks.

i wonder how Stephen's doing actually. he doesnt seem want to talk, but he was on untill really late
there. i thought he was away or something, but i saw him went off line but he didnt reply me. so...
guys... they are just weird. is it about the trust again? maybe i should just leave him alone instead.

i'm so lonely.. i am.

i checked on line today the whole morning... i was searching info about working in Canada..
the doc i would need.. what requirements and stuffs.. i am not so qualified actually.. then... if i wanna
work there, i might need to go back to school there for at least 2 years. after grad then find a relevant
job as the program called sth experience... then... i could apply for the working visa i guess.
then i checked UBC site... i might be able to get in... but i need to take GRE for sure. but Stephen said
his friend helped me to check already.. my school might not be qualified sigh. i dont know why. but..
i still need to try.. i dont know what to do.. but.. i will try.

mom is feeling quite sick.. i'm quite worried for her.. hope she will be fine soon... she is going to have
a big check up next Friday.. dont know if she needs to stay for 1 night or 2 at the hospital...

i'm stressed.. coz... i dont know what i should do...

>>February 27, 2009 at 2:34:14 PM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 25 日 星期三 【晴】

Hi there.

i tried to have a good rest last night... it was... okay.
i made breakfast this morning. one of my fav... toast with peanut butter and honey, with tea and
coffee. i watched tv... then left...

back to work.. i wont deny i hate that thing on the desk but... she's the boss.. and i wont be defeated
like that. so i was back to work, did my job. had lunch with mom.. then back to work.
i'm very tired actually. i have sucessfully opened 2 classes this afternoon. the first class would have
ard 6 max of students, now 3 of them paid. then the second class has 2 students paid, and the other
2 would come talk with me some other time. so.. yea... then one more should be the one on one would
be confirmed pretty soon i guess. so.. the other three... i'm working on that now... would see what i
could do. maybe put more advertisment. and damn.. next week i need to make a banner for the new
baby sign course. so.. i might need to come back to work on Mon or Tue. humm i'll think about that.
then.. yea.. i was so tired... then i kept eating chocolate, cookies, and having tea.. it's like always once
a month i'm eating so much sugary food like that all of the sudden. i just crave for them, even at night.
i need to eat chocolate to calm myself before bed. it's insane.

and i still dont get it why Carole is being so nice and friendly to me now. doesnt she know she just
stepped on me before? it's so weird. i stop being as nice to her now. i think she kindda sense that?
i dont know, she must be able to do that since she can do all these things behind me. but i dont know..
it could be me misunderstanding her anyway. i dont care. all i know is what had happened is done.
so.. after this week, i would see if i need to talk to her as in.. asking her if she has some problems
with me still, coz i dont want her gossiping behind me while that could be her misunderstanding
to me. she should know these all much better than me. and there're something i dont like about her
teaching style, i wouldnt go talk to Ella unless it's REALLY necessary. coz i respect her, not coz i am
stupid or i couldnt judge. she is the most experienced teacher and the oldest person at work. so..
i'm sure she has been through alot, and i think she knows all the business or office rules or polictics
whatever ppl call it, but i just dont find it good about what she did.

i'm not gonna bitch about her, or to argue with her or play games with her. it's not necessary.
i would just do my job, but be extra careful with this woman. at the same time, i think Agnes
understands what's been going on too.

last night, James called me.. we talked abit about work.. i told her about the drama, then he told me
about his new place problem. he told me like.. he thought about going back to Aus if end up he couldnt
move into the place that he has rented. for me.. i think he should be strong enough to handel these
problems and i think.. if i were him... i wouldnt let that house problem screw my life. if he really wants
to stay in HK, he has a job, he has good salary, he's a guy, he even has a sister here.. i just dont
want him to find excuses for himself to run to another place again. if he knows what he wants, and
if he wants to find his dream in HK, then he cant just go back to Aus like that. lucky enough that his
problem is solved. i hope someday he would reconsider what i said to him. he even asked me if we
were the same, coz i'm also letting Stephen to affect my decision making. i told him that's different,
coz i'm making the decision about me and him, since the day one it has been always about me and him,
of course my every decision making is affected. but he is making his own decision about his stay in
HK and thinking about his dream and stuffs. how can he just escape like that? just coz he thinks he has
been falling for the wrong person?

for me, to be honest... if i were him, i would stay for my dream, even though i dont even know who is
right or wrong for me. or if the one i like wont be with me, i will be strong enough to stay and fight for
my dream if HK is really my dream. i wont just go back home like that. especailly if i were a guy.

he has some personal problem.. somehow... i am a bit responsible for that.. coz.. i did choose to give
the last chance to Stephen and i. he's the supper nice guy.. but i just cant... i dont know if i would
regret, but i know that i do love Stephen... so.. whether Stephen and i work out or not, James shouldnt
be involved. anyway.. James called me today and said his housing problem is solved, and he would
have a date with a lady this Friday. he is telling me this... hummm... ok.. so for me it's like.. alright. it's
good for him i guess. he's been looking for the right person. he has ended the last relationship since
1.5 year ago.. he hasnt been interested in anyone till he saw me at work the 1st day, then he liked me.
well of course someone stupid like me didnt realize anything at all untill his flowers appeared, and i still
thought it was just for my graduation. anyway... i cant be with him. and he's frustrated. coz... he thinks
he has been falling for the wrong person. so i do hope he d find his ms. right pretty soon. i just dont
want him to give up dreams coz he still hasnt met his ms. right here yet.

tomorrow.. i would need to work.. then yea.. see what would happen i guess. and the thing is...
i dont know. i'm thinking of Stephen sometimes.. it's different now.. i mean.. after so much things
happened in the past few months.. alot of changes i have found in myself actually. and i am more
confident as who i am. i would even talk back to Ella if i find things not right. i would talk back to mom.
i would speak up for myself. i am more assertive when i'm with people, i find it good for myself..
i didnt force myself to do that.. i'm being assertive only when i'm comfortable with the situation i guess.
and it's like practise? anyway.. lots of trainging since Nov i guess. at first is the project started.. and
i had to write letter to 18 schools. design my research, paper, design the questionnaire, then i had to
go to the school to conduct data.. then i had to ask different ppl for help, and got lots of rejections..
then i got to prepare for my graduation speech at the same time. i had done a few interviews on the
graduation day.. then i had done the weekly assembly at my high school.. then i got a secret admirer
at work.. then.. lots of problems came out.. blah blah... then.. got the on and off issue... i have thought
alot.. and also was going through the break ups and... patch ups... and thought about if i have done it
right... then Stephen called me.. this and that. i have been out sometimes to go to Central.. and saw
lots of lovely sides of HK that i didnt find. so i love HK as well. and.. thought about the job as well.
i went to the convention and exhitbition for promoting the new toy designs in 2009. it was an
international event.. and i was so glad that i can join and talk to different buyers from all over the world.
it was the great exp. so... i really wonder how much i have seen since Nov. it's really a busy long story
in my life journey. so... yea...

i miss Stephen. and i'm thinking... what it would be like when i am going there again. i m sure he has
alot of changes too. and im sure i might probably not be able to handel some sorts of situations. but
i might be able to, and i dont know if he really understands my situation. if he really would consider
about what i need and how i feel. i'm just a little woman anyhow. i'm bascially giving up my every
chances of all aspects here. i could have got a nice job few months ago, i could have been admited
to the Master degree intake in Sep, i could have been with the sweet guy or any other guy. i could
have started a small business with other friends. but.. i'm giving these up, just to give one more chance
to us. it worths. but... does he know though?

2009 年 2 月 24 日 星期二 【晴】

i'm angry angry and angry!
Ella is really pissing me off. i really want to resign before going to Canada.
if i dont have to save money for the trip, i would just quit right away.
it's rediculous today! and i dont like Carole being so fake as well. ahhhh!
why i'm still working here? i find it so difficult to work here.
now i really hope Shan would get a job soon enough, so we would both quit at the same time.

she's just too much tonight. it was quite intense tonight before i left. sigh. i just dont get it. is it my
problem now? boss is always right? staffs are just.. workers? i dont know. i just think this is very
disrespectful. and i cant just suck it up. i just dont get it. how these kind of beahviors could work well
at the office? maybe it's a hong kong thing. but i really hate it and i'm tired. like... i would be happy to
quit actually, but just that i cant yet.

thanks Stephen was here listening to me.. thanks Shan as well..
mom got the check up today. she's going to the hospital next Fri... i'm a bit worried for her..
that's another reason i wanna stay with her birthday this year. sigh... stress and more stress..
being adult is not easy. i think i'm qite independent already. but obviously i'm not good enough.

i cant even suck up the stress or handel the tension at work. i think i just hate the fact that someone
stepped on my back no matter she meant it or not, and i hate my boss trusted that person and came
questioning me so much. i hate the fact that my boss didnt apprecaite my effort at work, didnt know
how to balance or think about what she should do instead. it's really really really pissing me off.
she didnt even care to respect her fellow staffs, who have been always working hard for her as well,
coz now she has everything to do is to please Carole ?

it's definitely for me leaving this work place for every reasons. it's just the matter of time. untill then,
i gotta act like professional and ... just gotta do my best to handel all the drama i gotta face. coz this
is me, Cas-tor-Lau.

>>February 25, 2009 at 2:17:59 PM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 23 日 星期一 【晴】

hi.

i am just trying to relax... having good sleep...
i have made my decision to go over this year... for our relationship and for myself as well.
so... i'm gonna face lots of problems i guess.. and especailly financial problem.

humm... i am sure my parents are gonna be soooo mad at me. but... i dont know.
then my friends are gonna ask me to think twice. then i would leave the office while Shan might
resign at the same time. so.. bascially i'm resigning as well. so... i'm taking the last chance to see if
Stephen and i would work out, and see what i should do after all.

anyway... if i dont love this man so much i wont be bothered to do so much stuffs. so... see what
would happen i guess. i think i should pray. and also pray for his health.

humm tomorrow i need to get back to work. i dont really like it. but.. i still have to face it.
i dont know how to face Carole. i went to the office this afternoon. i saw her there. i said hi and
smiled. but... of course i wasnt feeling well.. then... she asked me if i'm okay. i told her yes, why?
then she didnt say much. i just carried on the conversation with Shan.

i wanna eat lots and lots of chocolate... coz that could calm me and make me feel better. but i dont
want other guys buy me anything or offer me anything. i'm so tired of all the troubles and matters.
i might miss out the good chances. but it's also what i have chosen for myself. i chose to be faithful
to myself and my relationship with Stephen. but if it doesnt work out, then i would move on.

i love my family, friends, and Stephen..

>>February 24, 2009 at 5:24:34 PM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 21 日 星期六 【晴】

today i got up very late like ard afternoon...
then i went to Central to meet up with auntie Priscilla.
then.. i went to Subway to get some cookies..

i wanna go. i wanna go to Canada.. for him and also for myself.
i'm gonna borrow money to pay for the ticket first.. if the Gov asks me to start paying first.. then i dont
know how i'm gonna pay for that or what i would need to do. but i do wanna go. so.. yes.
yea, it's dramatic enough.. but... i should go for what i want to do. the last chance for myself and him
as well.

>>February 22, 2009 at 11:32:16 AM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 20 日 星期五 【晴】

i had a really rough day at work.

i got up very late.. then... yea.. took a cap again. the thing is i dont even wanna put on make up or think
about what the where. i'm so tired. back to work.. then started being so busy.. i never got a mins break
untill 1 30 pm since 10 am.. and the thing is.. i have been on phone calls.. doing the students attendance
at the same time, then arranging new classes, talking with different difficult parents and enquries. it's
not fun at all. and it's like.. i dont have a min to chat with anyone.

i took a break at lunch.. back to work.. started being busy again.. till 4 or 5 pm actually.. then.. Ella came
talk with me. and.. you know... she's not speaking for herself. she's speaking for Carole. i'm quite
frustrated actually. now i start to understand what's been going on. Carole said lots of things behind
me. and the thing is.. she calimed that she doesnt have the autority to ask me doing work for her, so
she thinks she should talk with Ella about me not getting things done. for me, it's like what does that
mean? so she thinks she doesnt have the authority.. so she's as the same level as me.. then if so,
why doesnt she just talk with me if she finds something wrong working with me? why everytime she
goes to Ella? if we are in the same team, why doesnt she tell me in person instead? in fact.. what she
says.. is just.. some minor things like.. what is she making things such the big deal and blaming me not
doing well enough? it's not her business at all. it's my job, she's right. but i dont think she's doing this
right. i dont need to report to her now, do i? so.. i have 2 bosses to please now? is that exaclty why
she doesnt talk with me but Ella? she acts just noraml when we are alone. why so much gossip
behind?

to be honest.. there are so much stuffs that's not her business and she doesnt understand at all.
it's Agnes and i who work for the administration. and i only have 1 boss. but now my boss listens to
her, and so she comes questioning on me. well it's good that she asks instead of just giving me a
warning letter. she mentioned to me that the last time wasnt a warning letter.. but how did she know
i have used that term? i d never mentioned to her at all. Carole did. coz i only mentioned to Agnes and
Carole... Agnes would never say something back to Ella. coz she thinks the same as i do. so... ok.

i dont really wanna care about what Caroles wants me to do or not. coz.. the thing is... i have been
working here for 2 years and a half... everything happened at this company.. Ella and i knew the best.
i have ever done anything wrong to the company... in fact i have been the one helping her to fix the
problems and troubles.. i have help to open all the calsses and courses.. i'm the one helping on the
advertisement and decoration stuffs.. i'm the one handeling with the parents. why now all of the
sudden i become so wrong about the way i worked at the office while there were zero complains from
any other teachers or students at all? give me a solid reason, then i would be happy to resign.
Stephen asked me a hundred time to leave this company but i d never really done it yet. it was coz of
my school and i couldnt find another part time job as flexible.. but i could have tried harder to find one.
but i didnt. and Stephen dislikes Ella and the way she does buiness. i stay coz i feel like i have the
responsiblity to help her especailyl when she's having baby. i didnt wanna just leave her like that.
and now.. what's going on with my work? i think everyone has her own way to work. why is Carole
being so demanding and i still need to listen to her? why couldnt Ella just put herself in my shoes too?

then.. i'm asking myself.. when the SFAA ppl call me again or get back to me.. coz i need to know if i
would be able to spend the money in my account anyway. it's like... i dont know if they are gonna take
away my money in my account, or if they would ask alot if they check i have spent the money i got to
pay for my studnet loan at once. i'm worried, i really am. but i dont see Stephen on line after that time.
and he's not replying me e-mail. you know... i'm sure if he wants to reply he would definitely do it..
today cant, maybe tomorrow, tomorrow cant.. the day after.. 1 week.. 2 weeks.. someday. the later
it comes, the more you would see as in.... why not just answered it in short. then Cas... are you still
going there to see him? but then.. at the same time... i just wish him well. i just want him well.

what's behind the hazel eyes? it's the tears that you cant see coz they cant fall.
what remains the same? the love and the pain.

everyone.. has a life going on... i cant be so selfish. if i should let go, i would do it.. at least try my best
to let go.. so that.. he wont be hurt or puzzled with me anymore. then i should get on my life too. go do
whatever i should.. on my own.. alone. but it would be so painful..

Love Remains the Same


Best of me


>>February 21, 2009 at 5:55:57 PM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 19 日 星期四 【晴】

bad day.

i got tonz of work to do.. and today was so busy.. as in... i didnt really stop for awhile except in my
lunch time. too busy actually... and.. kindda felt bad about the teacher as well. sigh.

anyway.. i got stomach upset last night... i couldnt really sleep well.. then i got up very late today..
i was late to work i think.. took a taxi as well.. whatever..

i guess i do have my role at work.. and sometimes... maybe being a teacher would be way much more
easier. and i dont know... i have done lots of work today.. i'm soooooooooo tired. i am working on the
new classes stuffs... organizing new schedule.. doing the boards.. working on the advertisements..
also dealing with the crying kids.. and some teachers worksheets.. i'm very tired. and i dont like Ella
pushed me to work on stuffs, coz she doesnt understand what things are about. it's so stupid. and i
dont like Carole sometimes. i'm so busy, does she know it? and if she is not happy with me, talk to me.
why Ella is talking to me for her? it doesnt make sense. and the thing is.. it is not big deal at al.. students
are late isnt my problem. they dont show up isnt my problem. i am not responsible to keep checking if
they are coming or not. how many students come in and out everyday? i am not that bored to help you
find out who is late or not coming. if she wants to start the lesson, just go ahead. i dont care if they
are late, they cant get as much as the others. what's the matter? they are not supposed to be late
anyway, and cant get me to phone the students if it's just 2 mins late. i dont like to update the notice
board telling who would be abs today. of course i dont need to do that. you come checking on the
schedule every lesson, why would i still need to update the notice board? just coz you like and want it?
i dont understand why Ella listens to her everytime. yea she's a full time teacher now, yea she is her
baby's god mother. but i know what i'm doing. and Carole sometimes is acting too much. why would
she take away the front board to put her stuffs on without asking me? i was the one responsible for
the board design andthe decoration thing. why is she doing that? i didnt say anything coz if she wants
to do that she can do that. but look at how ugly it is. and Ella thinks that's fine. then why now asking me
to make the new one but still have to match with hers? sigh. why Ella likes that?

anyway... i keep listening to the song Love Story... it's a really nice song... it's not about romance..
it's just.. a story. or maybe it's romantic. ha.. i dont know.. and i'm thinking of Stephen. dont know if he
has got the report yet..

Love Story


Bleeding Love


keep bleeding.

>>February 20, 2009 at 5:15:03 PM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 18 日 星期三 【晴】

sigh.

i got up late.. i missed my bus by 20 sec.. then i took a cap to work. on time.
busy.. busy... did lots of work today.. humm lots or problems actually.. and opening a few new classes
and preparing for the new course as well.. made lots of phone calls.. then dealing with some doc..

got the call from SFAA.. need to submit more doc. i dont know why the Gov now is making things so
difficult on us.. it wasnt like that before.. i dont know. sigh. then.. i went to the post office at lunch time.
i sent a package to Alessja and one to Stephen. those are like for Valentines... they are supposed to be
sent a week before the Valentines. i was late.. and i'm not sorry for that. i wanted to give chocolate
to Stephen in person.. but now... who knows... so i just attached everything. i know he doesnt care
about gifts or Valentine's.. it doesnt matter now.. i just wanna send him what i wanted and have
prepared for him since ages. the thing is... i didnt really prepare for Valentine's this year... coz... there's
nothing much i can do or i should do.. but then... i dont know.. i still got something for him so.. just send
them today anyway... i still care about him so much.. i dont know what to do now actually.

then.. i didnt really had "lunch" as in.. regular meal. i just ate some sussage bun.. then back to work..
quite busy this afternoon. handeling some problems, worksheets, and updating some stuffs...

i saw Stephen on line... i didnt talk to him... but.. i do think of him. kindda wondering why he's still up so
late.. but i really dont know if i should talk to him though. so.. at the end before i left the office i just said
night to him. humm.. i miss him, but how can i be with someone who would constantly hurt me without
realizing that he should do something about it? can i compromise everytime in the rest of my life?
i dont know if he understands all these or just think i'm just... bullshit... a bitch.. or whatever.

last night..
Dida called me.. we talked for a really long time on phone.. i dont usually talk on phone in HK.. but yea..
we alked alot about Mable haha. he was kindda funny. i think Mable would give him a chance...
then he also told me something in the past at school. sigh. i didnt know i was that bad.. i was a very
serious student, i am still very serious.. but i mean at that time.. i didnt know i have hurt some ppl by
being "too serious" or hard working.. so.. one guy was screwed up by me coz i complaint that he was
too noisy in class.. teahcer wrote him very bad comment, and he got kicked out then couldnt find
another school based on that piece of comment. actually i didnt ask the teacher to do anything for me
or whatever,.. but they got a very heat argument after my complain.. so... there he talked back and
almost fight with the teacher.. as i still remember.. but if Dida didnt bring that up, i couldnt even
remember that at all.. then he also told me about Samuel..he did like me? i remember he said no in front
of everyone.. he did make lots of surprise for me at that time.. but then.. end up like... always made me
so embarassed and.. i felt like trcked more than surprised. then some friends asked him before and he
said not at all.. he was just playing.. so.. for me it's like.. duh... dont play. ppl would laugh at me. i dont
know he did like me untill recently the karaoke thing few weeks ago.. they started talking about that..
he admitted in the end but i left already so i wasnt there at all. well... i dont know.. it's like so long time
ago already. and.. he doesnt talk to me since graduated. so.. it doesnt matter now i guess.

anyway... i wish i could rest well tonight.. i wish my application for deferment would sucess...
and.... James's back at work.... why does he come back?

>>February 19, 2009 at 2:06:25 PM GMT+8