2009 年 3 月 28 日 星期六 【晴】

情與義,那像似黑白事情
while we are talking about human and feelings, is there only black and white?
if there's no black and white, why we have to follow what we think it's right to do?
isnt that we are just following our heart all the time?
let our senses to make the toughest decision all the time?

today is my last day of the Sat shift..
i dressed up with my blue dress, then put on make up and hair tied up neatly...
just wanna make sure i look neat and nice today. i was very tired actually.. then.. i worked. it was so
busy today. when i just got back to the office, i saw 5 or 6 ppl waiting for me. they were waiting to register
courses and paying. i was like so busy handling them.. then... my fav student came.. and the parent too.
i talked with her.. and told her that would be the last Sat they would see me. i gave her some easter egg.
she's just a cute little sweetie pie. hahaha.. anyway.. we took pics too.. and... she gave me her phone no.
she said she would like to have dinner together next Wed. i said cool, yea we could do that. i just didnt
expect that. she's so sweet. and i saw some of the parents today.. it's like i have been watching their kids
grow up.. and seeing these parents for 2 years and half.. it's so interesting. they are like.... teaching me so
much stuffs.. i always listen to them, discuss with them.. and i just see so much from them. some of them
are nice grannies... so..... i am gonna miss them so much for sure. and i didnt tell the whole world that
i am leaving.. so.. i dont know. they might find it a bit weird though.

Ella said she couldnt believe that today is my last day. but... to be honest..... what does she expect? and
what can i expect? she's the first person i have met at work.. she hired me through a phone interview.
that's how we started. at the old shop, there was just a little shop with easy and ugly equipment... it was
so unprofessional.. and.. it was nothing much there.. and... we build it up together... we created stuffs..
i helped her to finish 8 big poster design.. we set up Christmas program.. then more and more students
enrolled.. i helped her to get through the new shop rent.. i helped her to take care of everyday work while
she's teaching inside. i was tehre when she tried with different teachers. from the begining she trusted
the indian teacher, till we got lots of unstable teachers, we have been there... and i needed to go to
Canada.. then i came back having problems and going back to school... we cleanned the shop together..
we moved... we had teachers problems again... 3 years of summer program.. helped her to take care of
the cooking stuffs and art stuff.. it was tough but when i think of them now we would laugh.
then lately.. we have gone through more problems.. and now i'm leaving... i dont see her particularly find
anything special today. maybe coz today is not my last day? but... it's definitely my last Sat shift..
i didnt expect anything much.. but... i do feel... sad... coz... it's my last Sat shift. it is always busy and
full of care from the parents and fun with kids. it's always the special day in a week. but yea...
there's no black and white about feelings and friendship at all. Ella and i are friends coz we were boss
and staff relationship. but still... she's my friend. and it's hard for me to leave actually. it's just hard.
i dont care much about Carole.. and i know Shan is still my best friend anyway.. but Ella... and her life..
it would be the time for me to just... leave it.. dont have to think for her.. dont have to worry for her..
dont have to help her to finish work or clean the mess... the day that i wont need to worry about the
office.. what would it be like? i dont know... i just know there's no black and white.

i dont think there's absolute right or wrong. even though it seems wrong of me to turn James down again,
who can tell if i am not doing a good thing for all of us? he asked me why not going out having dinner
with him last night, and he said i looked upset today. i said.. i went home watching tv. i really like that tv show.
he smiled embarrassedly then said... i was so rude, it's such an insult. i could have toldl him directly that i wont
go out with him alone coz i didnt feel comfortable to, but the thing is... what's the point for telling him this?
he is gonna think too much afterward. his gf didnt know that much about... me.. as in how much he liked me,
and he didnt really wanna tell her. but at the same time, he is trying to ask me out for dinner. even if it's just
friend, i dont think i would be comfortable to be there. i would rather just leave it, shall we? at least for awhile.
i m leaving, i'm not gonna be his best friend at all. just let me go. i dont know how to tell him that i cant be his best
friend, at least not now. i dont know how to tell him that just forget me. i told him today like.... when he said he
would miss me, i told him but you would forget me anyway. he said well maybe after a few years possibly.
i said yes you would. when he said he missed me, i dont know if he said that as a friend or what. i cant be sure.
i told him he would get to know more friends, and he does now too. he said but it would never be the same.
i dont wanna keep a friend like that. if he cant let go of "that" then i am not gonna be able to be friend with him.
it seems so wrong of me to not being friend or hang out with him alone... but think about it... "friend" this
word isnt for us at the moment, is it? i dont think so. wait till everything more stabilized then maybe...

i dont know... i dont know why all the things are so complicated. i'm just being nice to ppl and dont
wanna get hurt. i dont wanna hurt others and so i try to protect ppl too. i might be stupid by doing
stupid things.. but tell me what can i do? something i can do but not hurtful to anyone? there's no such
perfect thing in the world. no black and white. and i feel like there's no one really understand me
on this.

i'm so sleepy.. but i think i should get my resume done. humm it's actually done but... no... i need to delete 3 pages.

i miss my honey... i will be there soon..

>>March 28, 2009 at 6:00:08 PM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 26 日 星期四 【晴】

i'm so tired today... yawning...

packed breakfast.. work... then... yea working on my resume. it's done. =)
and then i went out for lunch by myself.. i have been very lonely... always having lunch by myself...
i dont have any company. it's pretty free but sometimes it's so boring too. i'm like... so alone..
like the dried vegetables. but i'm a young pretty girl hahaha.. how can i be the dried out vege?
hummm.. tomorrow would be my last day of the Sat shift.. Sat used to be a funnies day in a week.
coz it's busy, but at the same time the parents are usually very nice to me. they would talk to me,
bring me goodies sometimes. some of them told me where to look for jobs, encouraged me to leave.
haha... so.. i bought lots of chocolate and candies just now.. i am gonna bring the kids some goodies.
i wanna take some pics with the kids too. i'm gonna miss them. the thing is... i watch them growing.

anyway.. yea.. work... also talking with honey sometimes. it's okay =)

humm actually... James e-mailed me... then i sms him that i wouldnt have dinner with him. he called. well..
i dont know... as a friend, i think we could still see each others at work as usual. we could still
hang out with a whole bunch of ppl.. but only me and him... i dont think so. i dont wanna force myself
to be his good friend. i might be selfish, i just dont think now it's the right time to keep friendship with
him. i dont feel comfortable doing so. i am leaving to Canada within 3 weeks. i have too much to
care about... all i want is to get together with my real old friends and my family time. so... i'm sorry..
and actually.. i have my rules... you could say i'm selfish or jealous whatever, i just know that the best
way to handel these is to leave it for awhile. especially he has a gf now, i m not gonna see him alone.
if it's with a bunch of ppl or at work, that's okay. not alone. that's my rule. i just wanna protect myself
and the others. i'm not jealous or not letting go of him. i just think i'm not his best friend. if he has that
fantasy, then he has to deal with it. i was his best friend only coz he liked me so much but i wouldnt
be with him. it's kind of projection and countertransference. i might be important to him. but he should
save the time and efforts to develop with his girlfriend now. not me anymore. everything is changed,
i dont think i would want to keep myself trying to be there for him. he helped me alot and he was so
nice and sweet. but i kindda found out that all he did wasnt from a friend perspective. it's only coz he
liked me. everything is changed already. it's expected. face the fact.
ppl can say whatever they want. i'm doing this only for everyone's good. no drama.

anyway, i like the tv show tonight =) it's the finale.. hummmmmm.. haha.
and i should really go to bed ... tomorrow i would still need to write the request letter for my references
and i need to check on my resume. hard work. i'm running out of time.. so.. yea..

i hope honey can rest well. i wish him having a good day at work too.
i wanna spend time with my family and my close friends.. humm see what i can do..

>>March 27, 2009 at 6:01:25 PM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 25 日 星期三 【晴】

i was very busy today... very tired..

i was working.. Mendy came over talking with me.. it was nice to chat with her.
then... worked.. nothing much... i was also looking for information about the reference letter..
humm i should send my request to the proffessors tomorrow night after fixing my resume.
i am 90% done =) yay..

in the afternoon... i head out for lunch alone.. boring... but yea..
then came back to the office.. preparing for the meeting.. then had a meeting...
we talked about summer course. Ella brought some ideas.. we discussed on that with Carole, Shan..
hummmm i wasnt really there last year, i mean.. i wasnt in the office during the summer course prep
in May and June.. i was back to work in July, right before the summer course, then i left before it
end. but then i knew so much about the summer course.. so.. i just reported what happened last year,
and the year before.. gave my opinion during discussions.. it was okay... i think Ella needs help, she
would need help. i know this year is gonna be rushed like last year. so... if she doesnt wanna be
screwed, she better works hard from now on.. especially i would be leaving again, and Shan might be
leaving soon too.. and then.. i dont know... MPF got problems again. i hate this so much.. it's so messy
that i just dont understand. she wants me to help her to figure out what happened in the past months.
i was like... it's all written down on different letters the bank and the company has sent us. she asked
me to call the angent. i was like... speechless. i told her, it's all written down there. this letter, that
statement, blah blah.. we owed this ammount.. blah blah.. we have problems with these two cheques.
i just dont get it why we have so much problems with the MPF.

anyway.. i dont know.. i made a few worksheets.. then i worked on the meeting record.. i saw last
year that one... i hope we can have a nicer one.. so i just made one. it's a good start for this summer
course. at least we could be more organized. i wanna push Ella to do her own job.. coz i'm leaving so
soon, Shan is gonna leave soon too.. i m just trying to protect her, give the responsiblities back to her
slowly.. so when the new person came one day she would know what to do with that person, and
what to expect from a new person and herself.

i saw James at work today. i didnt have the choice. well.. he came having lessons.. it's work.
but i hate that kind of akward situation. we werent in a relationship or anything.. but still some students
and teachers knew what happened.. some students were still laughing at me or at him. i can
understand they are not serious, it's just a kiddish thing like a game for them.. but still... it's a work
place. i guess now i understand why Stephen said it's so improfessional. it really isnt something nice
at all. and the thing is.... i dont like him bringing his new girlfriend to work. i know ppl would think i am
jealous. i dont know that girl, why would i be jealous at her?

it's really nothing much, it's good for him to have found a girlfriend that soon. it's good that he moves on
really so quick. then.. i dont understand why he still told the students that he likes likes me. i dont like
that. if he is seeing someone else, that's fine. good for him. then why telling the students that he likes
me so much? he told me he likes me so much but i'm like his best friends. from that day, i avoid any
contact with him, coz i know it's a trouble. i dont mind to remain "friends" as in... we would still need to
see each others at work untill i'll be fully gone. he resigned and came back. i hate this. he should just
go work else where, coz that's what i expected and what i have told Stephen about. so.. i dont know..
i just dont understand why he dated other girls but at the same time said ... he likes me so much, while
i have made myself very clear that i love Stephen, and... i am going to Canada.

Alesja said.. if i didnt like James, then i had to be fair to him. he has been always there for me if i
needed him. and i made my choice to be with Stephen. yea she is right. but i wasnt unfair to him, was
i? i told him no. i rejected him. and i didnt need him. i am happy for him to find a girlfriend.

what i hate is... not about he is having a girlfriend.. what i hate is that he didnt tell me as a friend would
do.. and the thing is.. he was still telling the whole world that he likes me so much though i have a
boyfriend. it does embarass me.. coz the students are still laughing... and he actually have a girlfriend
too. and i have a boyfriend. why he still tells the whole world that he likes me? i just dont like it.

AND I REALLY HATE PPL THINK THAT I'M JEALOUS, COZ I AM NOT JEALOUS AT HER AT ALL.
i just want him cut off all the BS at work, and the ppl would stop teasing me soon.
do i have to really be his very good friend to prove that i'm not jealous?

>>March 26, 2009 at 6:07:37 PM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 24 日 星期二 【晴】

Jackie is back to Taiwan.. i miss her!
she called me this afternoon before boarding =)
i really wanna see her soon again...

by the way, the happy thing is that i'm so lucky today i got my ring back.
not exactly my ring, but the stone on the ring fell when i was going to work..
i was on the way to work... and... when i got off the bus, i found it not there. i was shocked.. then i walked
back to the bus stop where i got off from the bus.. then... i was searching for awhile.. no.. i didnt see it..
then i just walked back to the office... sad.. i was thinking how to tell Honey about it. coz this is like the
second time it fell off.. and that time was lucky.. coz... i found the stone on the carpet then i was wondering
why something there's a stone so shinny on the carpet in his room.. then i looked at my ring and i knew it
was from my ring. i looked at him and told him that it fell off. i remember i asked him to give me his palm, i put
the ring in his palm. i was a bit sad. then i said it's a bad sign..
then he said he would fix it. then i left it with him, then i went out with my friends.. then went home at night,
he got it fixed and gave it back to me. he told me it's not bad sign, coz i was lucky it didnt fell on the plane but
his place. so i smiled. and from that day, i kept checking my ring to see if it fell off again. coz i dont wanna
lost it again. and today i lost it.. and i was like... okay... maybe it's time for him to get me another ring...
but i dont feel good about it. coz the thing is... i would like to keep this ring safe. it's so important to me.
when he is not around me, there's only this ring with me. when i am doubting on him, and doubting if he is
doing something bad behind me, i would think about the day when he gave me this ring. we broke up like..
6 times, and there's no single one day i didnt wear this ring. it's been with me for the whole 2 years sth.
it does mean so much to me.

then i told him about it.. he told me not to worry.. i wasnt worried alot.. i was upset for sure. he said it's not
a big deal. it's just a thing, it doesnt matter. then i told him it's the first thing and the only thing he has given
me. then he said not to be childish. i stopped talking to him. he might be annoyed or not. i just know if it is
not important, he wouldnt have given it to me. if it meant nothing, then he wouldnt ask me to mail him back
when we broke up. and the thing is... why wouldnt i care... it might be projection.. but it is really the only
thing from him. well... he's still alive, we are still together.. he might buy me something else other time..
there are so much more meaningful things we have done together too... but this ring has its meaning that
i dont wanna lose it right... and it's gone from my hand. so.. i'm upset.

anyway... dramatic things happen on me. mom went to market this early afternoon.. she took the bus to
there and back home by bus too.. and she didnt see it... so i was like okay.... then.... i was just working.
then late afternoon dad went out.. mom went out with him too.. mom came picking up Leggy.. then..
dad saw it in the bus stop.. at the side walk near to the stand. i was like WHAT?!! you found it?!!! i was
very surprised! and after a whole morning and afternoon, no one saw that shinny stone but dad saw it.
isnt it strange? thanks God =)

i dont know what to say.. coz it's pretty dramatic and quite weird. but yea... =) sometimes things just
happen like that.. and i really have nothing to say. maybe it's not the time for Stephen to get me another
ring yet. but i dont know. he might know it better than i do. well... i'm not waiting for someone to buy
me a ring. if i want, i could buy as much as i want for myself. and he would never understand how it
feels like, when someone care so much about some thing from him. he wont get it why. or maybe he
does but didnt want me to get upset about the ring. i dont know, he didnt tell me. he just said no big deal.
i dont like guys always say no big deal, just like guys dont like girls making everything a big deal.

i wasnt too busy at work today.. humm it was okay.. i was preparing stuffs for tomorrow's meeting.
we need to start preparing for the summer course. i wont be here by then, but still.. i m not quitting
tomorrow, so it's still part of my job, and i wish i could help till the day i would be leaving.

it's getting close to the end of this month.. that means it's time for me to get my resume and portfolio
done. i have problems transferring my credits to UIU. i'm a bit worried.. hopefully everything would be
fine soon. i need my certificate and stuffs. and then at the same time, i would need to do the job
searching again. i have done twice already. i have saved some adv. but... i need to try more different
sources. and then yea... hopefully would get the reply and interview at least. i really wanna be employed,
then i would be able to stay there with him. i am worried but.... i cant just say i'm worried. i need to do
something. i have to figure out something.

new mv... from Ciara ft. Justin.
hummm i think... Justin Timberlake that one is better than with Ciara this one..
but still.. it's sexy.


>>March 25, 2009 at 4:47:29 PM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 23 日 星期一 【晴】

hi hi..

i had a long sleep last night.. but i got stomachache and back pain when i got up...
humm yesterday i got up... got ready to go.. went to Karen's home. hee.
but... before i go.. i came on line.. hee.. i saw honey on line. we started using webcam.
nice. hee.

then i went to Parknshop to get some jelly for making fruit tea.. then i went to get some cakes as well..
then i took train and shuttle bus to Karen's place. it's nice there. then she made chicken and pasta..
then we ate.. and chatted.. watched tv.... then we walked around.. it's nice and relaxing there.
it's like a small community there actually. it's a private community but have everything.
i went home... i just fell asleep right after... i didnt feel like to have dinner at all but still... watched tv and
had dinner.. then.. rested... sleep.

i got up.. then rested... then headed out to buy food and had tea set... it was okay..
came home.. saw honey.. humm hope he would rest well tonight. he seems really tired..




you know..

i'm really gonna miss my family and my friends in HK.
becasue... they are part of my life. but now... coz of chasing dream and wanna be with the guy i love,
i am going so far away from home, trying to get a new life... i might not be accepted there, i might be
losing so much i can easily have in HK, to start over there. i'm actually afraid. i'm afraid that i would lose
myself, i might be fail, when if these all happened, i would also lose the time i could ever have in HK
with my family and friends. and then i would question myself if i have ever regreted what i have done.
but i cant let these happen. i cant let myself regret, and i know i'm taking risks... but if i dont, i would
regret in future for sure. so.. i tell myself i have to go. and i do that for myself and of course for
Stephen and i. i dont know if Stephen would be stressed if he realized how much i am doing for us,
or he would think i'm doing that only for myself. he just need to know if i didnt trust him enough, and
if i didnt love him that much, i would never be that brave and satcrified so much for us. i just want him
to know that... i do love him and willing to be there for him. i have to deal with lots of problems, stress,
but i would still always try my really best just to be there with him. i'm probably doing too much actually.
so... if he doesnt understand or take me for granted, i would just stop. coz i wont be able to accept
the pain that i have given out all of myself but i would be doing that for nothing.

Jackie is leaving tomorrow ard 5 pm... it's always too short time for us to hang out.. then Karen, i wish
her a nice day today...

i'm excited to go... and i feel like i have alot of responsiblities on my shoulders now. but i cant let ppl to
worry for me.

>>March 24, 2009 at 5:19:29 PM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 21 日 星期六 【晴】

i am very tired..

i got up ard 10am.. coz i was planing to leave home by 11. coz i was supposed to meet up with Jackie.
ohhh she's leaving on Wed... i'm gonna miss her..
well i knew she's gonna be late. so... i was 15 mins late. but then she was like 2 hrs late.
omg. i was waiting at Starbucks, had my coffee, then had my doughnut, then had my another tea.
i was kind of frustrated, so... i just left.. i went to HMV. she gave me a few calls.. but telling me she's
late. humm whatever, if she's not gonna leave on Wed, i'm gonna be mad at her. the thing is.. i know
her too well.. she's been my best friend for a very long time already.. i'm not actually mad at her.

i dont feel good about going out the whole day.. i enjoyed myself and the time with Jackie..
we ate.. we talked about everything.. but then i'm so tired too and.. the thing is.. i really miss my honey
alot. he's probably enjoying the quiet night, like without me annoying him haha.. i dont know..
or he might hang out with his guy friends? i miss him. i went home after seeing Jackie. i didnt have
dinner with her. she got to see other friends, and i needed to rest. i came home... wanted to come
on line to chat with my honey coz i was out the whole day. but i couldnt. Leggy is such a little bitch.

i dont understand why she's such a bitch. although i'm her sis, hands down she's a bitch. she's not
a girly bitch. she's a bitch. i wish i could just call her bitch. haha i'm so mean. she's a nice person,
but when she thinks that she is right everytime when she's not, and her voice and her attitude just
makes me really wanna slap her. i hate mom keeps standing on her side. i hate her stupid attitude
telling me what is right or wrong to do so. i'm her fucking sister, and i dont even see her points sometimes.
i know shes a teen, that's probably why. but it just annoys me.

anyway... i'm so tired. and when we are having dinner. mom just poped up the question, like if
i have issued my ticket already. i said yea. and she asked why i didnt tell them but she heard it from
someone else. i was like what? i think like it's so obvious that i m going in April. i told her i just got the
confirmation yesterday. in fact i am kind of angry why my aunt just issued my ticket THAT LATE.
i gave her my information and date like at least a few weeks ago. she just confirmed my seat on
Sat or Fri. that's what i see on my ticket. it's so late. hasnt she already confirmed my seat? that's so
insane. she kept calling me like EVERYDAY, a FEW CALLS AT LEAST in ONE DAY. just to ask me
how's my parents if they are mad at me.. then talking with me about her boyfriend, asking me to
help checking spelling for her, blah blah. i dont mind to hang out with her sometimes on the weekend.
i dont mind to listen to her sometimes. but sometimes she's really too much by doing such things.
why would she call and tell my parents about my ticket? i freaking tell her about the date and stuffs,
and she said she would keep quiet about that. she said she would. i told her already my parents are
fine. they are FINE with me now. i told her i would tell my parents myself, and i did. they were upset
but they are fine now. i havent told them the date coz i havent printed it out yet. why the hell she
called me dad and telling him about my ticket? why would she tell my parents coz my dad doesnt
answer her calls then she sells my news to gain attention? why is that?! she's not doing it in a
professional way. she is not supposed to do that in the business wise, she is not supposed to do
that if we are friends. she is not supposed to do that even though she's my dad's friend, coz i have
already told her specific that i would tell my parents myself, and they were fine. what the hell?

i dont know if dad asked her or mom asked her, i just know she should fucking let me know if she
has talked with my parents about that. at least to let me know about it. i hate her doing that.

tomorrow i am going to visit Karen. i'm so tired. i really wanna visit her, but i'm really tired.. and..
i miss my honey too. i am going to visit her anyway.. and it should be okay. we are gonna make
lunch together. i would bring her some cake i think.. or juice... then we would play with the make up.
hummmmmm... i wanna enjoy my girl day. hee. but... what to do when i'm missing my honey at
the same time? i hope he's doing fine. coz.. i dont wanna like... i go out having fun with friends,
then he's alone being bored. i wouldnt want to do that...

>>March 22, 2009 at 5:10:31 PM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 20 日 星期五 【晴】

hi.

today was a bit... crazy.
i got up 30 mins late... dressed up made up.. just got to the office right on time. taxi saved my butt.
well.. since i got there.. i got 1 hr listening to a parent. she is really nice and friendly.. she told me
so many things about her daughter and herself. i feel like we are friends. it's nice to speak with her,
really.. i enjoyed that. but the thing is.... it's my working hr.. and i'm obligated to chat with parents..
it sounds a bit funny though. ahaha.. a whole hour. ahhhh. i didnt even have time to reply my mesgs
on MSN with honey. it's part of my job to listen and talk with parents. somehow i find it interesting.
it does train my listening skills... the active listening? haha.. no.. i do like speaking with parents.
it's interesting to see different ppl life, how they grow up, how they build up their life. how they
carry their kids.. how their kids are exactly like them.. and then i will see yea, they are a family.
they all have something in common, but yet they are all specail individuals. i kindda admire this mom,
coz she divorced and carried her kid alone. it's not easy and she has a lovely daughter =) i like them.
there are many nice parents actually. they would bring me goodies sometimes. they would talk with
me.. they would teach me stuffs.. one of my job at work is really to talk with them, and see what the
kids and parents want. it's the interesting part in my boring day. and the kids are just... cute. tehy dont
lie about their mind or feelings. everything is shown on face. their paretns love them no matter how
bad ppl they are behind them. that's all i am seeing everyday at work. and some ppl are just nice ppl,
trying to make a life, trying to do everything the best they can for their kids. it seems like life doesnt
belong to themselves one person. but every time when i speak with them.. they showed me... they
are willing to do so, not like they are forced to do so. it just shows. i wonder one day i would be a
happy mom, taking care of my kids and my husband =)

after sending that kid and parent leaving.. then a kid was forced to stay at the office with me, coz her
maid forgot to come pick her up. so... i was playing with her... chatting with her.. gave her some chocolate.
haha.. yea that's what i do... sometimes...

after she's gone, then i got busy with the worksheets and schedule.. i got busy with other work.. till.. almost
2 pm.. then i headed to Starbucks to get my Sat coffee.. then i walked around... i bought a bun too.. then..
i bought a pair of pretty ear rings. i seldom got this kind of style of earrings. but yea... just try. it's cheaper
than i thought. it's good price anyway.. hee. but i probably should buy anything anymore. coz i dont really
have much money left.

back to work.. it was so messy on my desk.. like... SO MESSY. the handbooks are everywhere.. lots of
receipts were waiting for me to write... lots of stamps to do... then yea.. parents were waiting and students
were waiting. then after fixing everything.. i was busy with some other work.. then i also went to Wellcome
to get water, tissue, wet tissue.. blah blah.. busy!

heehee... the good part is... at least i got a company on line.. my honey was on line. hummm sometimes it'
hard to talk or do something at work. coz it's work place.. and it's not like in a private room. cant really talk
or do anything at all. i miss him. i wish i could do more.

and then i have been reviewing KAty PErry's mtv on youtube. haha. it's so cute. she is just..... a bit kinky.
well.. i dont know. i find her cute and sexy. she is hot sometimes though she's a bit weird.
i like her songs.. and i like how she dresses and how she dances. i like that kind of 40s and 50s style.
i wish i have bigger boobs sometimes, and i wish i am a bit skinnier than now. but then i know... hummm...
it doesnt matter so much, since... i'm not only about my outlook. i am sure i'm still sexy and beautiful although
i am not perfect. it's hard to keep myself looking the best everyday especially i'm very tired these days..
i'm just a normal person. i wanna excuse myself sometimes to be lazy. haha. but yea.. i'm confident that
i would still be one of the best among soooooooo many many many many many hot girls. so... yea.. haha!
just kidding. i dont know if i am one of the best, i just know i'm fine. dont even try to compare me with
them. coz i hate that.

i do wanna shed some pounds, that's for sure though. hummm.. i wanna do it in a healthy way.. like...
dancing.. exercise.. healthy diet.. instead of just cutting on food or going to the machine.

alright. i should go to bed. tomorrow... i would meet up with Jackie. yea she's back! again!
haha.. coz of her sis's wedding.. then on Mon, i would go visit Karen. hee. anyway.. i should probably sleep.
i wanna sleep naked. it's been hot these few days. i miss my honey.... hummm..

>>March 21, 2009 at 5:52:10 PM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 19 日 星期四 【晴】

=(

i'm sooooo tired..

i worked... this morning yea.. working and playing with my pet on Facebook.
i had McDonald's again.. really dont knwo what to eat... i was exhausted.
anyway yea.. back to work.. busy busy. kids were running around.
Ella asked me to help her to get a hair tie, she lost all of hers. she was wearing a hair clip.
i told honey about it. he asked me if i'm her "bitch" or employee.. i felt bad, coz i dont think i'm.
but then he said i'm more like her slave. i know i wouldnt do it to my staffs, unless she is my personal
assistant. but the thing is... a person like me wouldnt even bother personal assistant to help me getting
a hair tie or hair band. i would choose it myself. haha. well but i mean... if it's that not her job, i wont
ask her to do so... if she's my secretary, or personal assistant, i would only ask her to do office work,
plus a little bit personal job... maybe driving my car if i have one.. maybe helping me to get lunch in case
i dont wanna eat out.. maybe accompany me only.. i like to do things myself, especailly personal things.
if it's work stuffs... i dont know how much i would ask her to do though... i dont know.. i dont have a
personal assistant.

humm Lawranne came this evening again.. chatting with her for awhile.. she's very friendly actually.
i like chatting with her. we talk about boys. hahaha.. prefumme... fashion.. just girl talk. she's so funny.
anyway, tmr i would wear the Raffle Lauren perfum to surprise her. i told her i had one too. i havent
used it for a really long time though. i have so many different ones.. but i always stick with one only..
the Vera Wang Princess. that's my signature perfume.. not coz i wanna be a princess.. just that...
that one is like vanilla, but with spice, and some other flowers.. it's special. Raffle Lauren is speical
too.. the light blue one was my fav too.. anyway.. it's been a few years already.. maybe itl is changed
already? i mean it might have gone bad already.

i chatted with honey for awhile... after his pizza s done. haha..
i asked him about the resume stuffs.. i think i really need help on that.
the first time i have started writing resume was back to 2005, when i was in VPC. i didnt have much
workign exp, McDonalds was the only one. but then, i was still undergraduated.. so it doesnt matter..
and i was still going back to school anyway. then today.. i'm college grad, so it's different, and i have
been working for different companies, trying different positions too. so.. it's hard for me to choose
what to write, what not to write about. i hope ppl have the lower standard for the resumes from fresh
grad. otherwise what do you expect to see from our resume? not everyone would have internship,
not everyone would have a long term or stable part time job, what about summer job? if it's not
counted, then what is? and the thing is... the experience is not about the duration you stay in a company.
it's more like how much you have contributed, what kind of position you were, what you have learnt,
coz i'm not talking about i have 10 years professional working exp. i'm just graduated. if you want me
to tell you what i have done in my different part time jobs, i could do that in brief and in details. but if i
dont even write that down, how would you even know what kind of jobs i have done? even a small
position has its value in a company. but i know honey has a really good point. so.. i'm thinking there are
something i have to adjust and change on my resume. well, the human resourse ppl or managers are
smart enough to see ppl from their resume and in the interviews, i guess... so yea.. i would see what
i should do.

tomorrow i would need to work. omg i'm so tired. i wish i dont have to work.

Broken Strings


Goodies


Love Sex Magic






>>March 20, 2009 at 5:14:43 PM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 18 日 星期三 【晴】

hi there.

i am so tired.

i worked on my resume the whole morning..
i have added a lot there... i think they could be the real portfolio pages... and then i would need to write something
else for that.. then i would re-write my resume.. the one i have now is a bit too long i think. it should be ard 2 pages.
i have 6 pages now. so.... yea.. i would work on that.

aiya.. i was a bit worried for honey.. but it's good to hear from him afterward...

i'm so tired.. i worked on doc a bit before i went to lunch.. i checked the students record.. then found some problems,
i made a new form... updating some stuffs... i got bubble tea and fried noodles... then.. just worked.. busy busy..

i wanted cookies.. but... no.. i went out to get some but they didnt have.. i think i'm gonna start exercising again.
i really need some exercise. not only for the good shape. i do feel like i need some exercise. and i want my healthy
diet started. it's Spring now. it's hot already. it's like 23 out there. i dont feel like to wear pants to sleep now. it's hot.

anyway.. i need to start reviewing the recipes.. i wanna stop myself craving for junk food. i had too much chocolate
and cookies these days. but i dont know why i just dont get sick of them. ha..

at the same time.. i wanna relax myself.. i wanna go out have fun. but... i dont know... i am not a party person...
but then sometimes i do feel like to go out. sometimes i just wanna come home resting and watching tv.
you know... sometimes when i'm in bed, i would think what if one day i leave this house... what would i be like?
would i ever be that comfortable as in... i could just do whatever i want? that seems ridiculous to ask..
if i move out, of course i'm gonna be independent enough to take care of myself.. then.. i wouldnt be able to see
mom, dad, Miki, and Leggy that often like everyday anymore. it would suck.. well in a way, it sucks.. coz.. they are
my family. i have been with them forever long since i was born... but i'm not a kid anymore.. i should be okay.
maybe sometimes i would be like a kid.. but i dont know.. i guess this is me. i would still be interested to play tricks
sometimes.. i would be calling mom for saying nothing important.. i would be doing all the silly things like i would
do at home. i would be just missing home so much. and also miss my old habit when i'm home... home with my
family. and then i'm gonna miss my friends so much... i'm a person like this... would i survive?
at the same time.. i'm gonna have so much more freedom and choices in my life. coz i would be in a total different
environment. after settling down, i would be opening a new page in my life. for me, everything is just fresh and
new. exciting and... adventurous... Cas you know what, you gotta trust your guy there. he is not gonna screw on
you. and you wont be alone there. he better keeps his words. it's not that i dont trust him. it's just... i have never
been like this before. i'm afraid. and... over there... is not my home town.. my family isnt there.. the ppl i see
everyday are not there... so Stephen is like my closest person except a few of my close friends there.
i trust him, and i trust Him too.

hummm.. in 3 weeks.

>>March 19, 2009 at 5:17:07 PM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 17 日 星期二 【晴】

i got up, washed up, dressed up, made up... then got ready to work..
but i got up a bit earlier today... i had breakfast at home.. and also i could say Happy St. Patrick's Day
to honey =)

back to work... busy. i got 2 walk-in appointments. hummmm then i was making some worksheets..
then.. yea.. just went out for lunch.. i had fries and ice tea at McDonald's... then reading my book and
having my afternoon coffee.. humm then i walked back to the office. today wasnt too stressful..
i was also looking for information about writing portfolio. i'm doing it now.. i was just going to update
my resume. i have thought about to re-write it actually. then.. i just thought about making a portfolio.
coz i do have so much stuffs i wanna put into my resume, and some of the like the projects and paper
i have done in schools before, some documents, awards, certificates, pictures, and my senior project
might be useful... no matter it's for job interview or school interview in future. so.. i wanna include them
all in my portfolio.. i have no ideas how to write it and organize them.. so ... yea... did lots of research..

i came home after work.. start finidng everything i have, then... now... it's so messy again..
i am updating the resume.. trying to take away some parts and adding new things.. or maybe just
write down everything first, then decide which parts would be inculded in the portfolio, and which
parts should stay in the resume. it's a huge thing for me to do, coz i do have tonz of materials i'm
considering right now. it's a headache. and i have less than a month before going to Canada.
i also need to contact my professors and teachers... to see if they are willing to be my references.
and i got my official transcript from CEU already =) UIU should have got that already! =) yay!
my official transcript and diploma should be coming home sooooooo soon! =)

so yea... i'm a bit stressed doing my portfolio thing and job searching..
i was also searching for jobs on line.. i'm wondering i might not be able to find internship, but maybe
trying some adminitration work at some heal care place.. or..... just a clerk job. i dont know.
i have been reading lots of ads on line nowaday.. i find it stressful actually.. but... Cas.. you really gotta
try, and try hard. and be smart. coz... you know.. this is what you wanna do and what you should do..
just go for it. and another very important reason is that... you know Stephen is there..

anyway.. i should go to sleep.. it's 2 32 am already.

it's a bit weird today... is Stephen okay?

>>March 18, 2009 at 6:35:23 PM GMT+8