"What concerns everyone can only be resolved by everyone."
Friedrich Dürrenmatt
Gemini
May 20 - June 20
Some news you receive today could have you feeling slightly off-balance today,
dear Gemini. Take it in stride. Do not act on the information right away.
Rather, allow a few days for it to sink into your psyche. It could be that once you've
assimilated this bit of news, you make dramatic changes in your life, either personally or
professionally. Interesting times are ahead, dear Gemini!
***
i've finished that korean series le! sooooo beautiful story.
hummm it's not upset, but happy =)
today i got 3 posts.
one is the card from mcdonald's, for ben... the birthday reminder card.
didnt i tell them dont post the card to my home? maybe i'll send this to singapore,.. this belongs him.
the sec one is the confirm ticket from singapore, last time i post him the card and letter.
the third one is the letter and photo from angeline!!!! haha!!! so thankful !!!
that's really great and touched to recieve her letter and photo!!! i like them sooo much !
that's the lucky bird picture she's taken in newzealand.... oh yea... she's been there before =)
and me too! haha... yea... that day we've chated... then she said that... i almost forgot it by the way.
ben's there too... oh...
she... cheers me up =) thankyou angeline~
last night i've left her message..... i told her, we're breaking up.
this news... my dearest friends know that, but not all.
i didnt tell much people... it's not the time yet.
hummm
anyway,
today i ve mcdonald's lunch with mom =)
then we go to sha tin, i've brought alot of things... hee.
then i get back.... then i got those posts =) haha. so happy.
last night i didnt sleep well.... these days vent nice sleeps......
my eyes re so pain some times....
=s
sigh.... my family dont know what happened on me... so...
sometimes.. i'm faking, i'm so happy today, but actually i'm not.
to my friends... sometimes, ah~ i'm so beautiful today, i ve a great day...hahaha...
but actually i'm not really that smile girl. anyway... all'll be gone.
ben doesnt call me finally. but eventually? nah... i'm not sure what will happen.
i'm not quite sure what does he want... maybe he's struggling himself too.
maybe he s no feelings in our relationship or he got lost already... i dont know.
and so do i... i dont wanna let him know how days i'm doing now.
maybe he wouldnt contact me anymore, or even changing his phone number... i dont know...
give me some time... and i think he's recovering himself too.
i feel so upset about our..... relationship... actually i'm worse.... but what can i do huh?
i dont know...
but all will be fne. at least i know my friends all supporting me lots and lots...
and jesus is watching . haha... i still can laugh...
i still remember the lyrics i send him and her...
i find myself today, oh i find myself and ran away, but something pulled me back,
and i've forgot the reasons i had...
all i know is you're not here to say, what you always used to say, but it's written in the sky tonight.
so i wont give up, no i wont break down, sooner that i t seems life turns around,
and i'll be strong, even if it all goes wrong, when i'm standing in te dark i'll still believe,...
that's someone's watching over me ...
i've seen the bright light, and it's shining on my destinly,... shining all the time, and i wont be affraid...
to follow everwhere it's taking me..
all i know is yesterday is gone, and right now i belong, to this moment to my dreams..
it doesnt matter whatr ppl say, and it doesnt matter how long it take,
believe in yourself, and you'll fly high...
and it only matters how true you're, and be true to yourslef, and follow your heart..
yea...
i really miss him sooooooooooo much,
coz i fine that i really love him...
although at first i was so doubt, i always being doubt... but i done, is all for him, everymin , anysec,
wherever , wateven, whenever.
but all got no use. i dont know why and what...
the chances re given, but he didnt know how to catch those or
actually he doesnt feel comfortable with me, he's not willing to get along with me anymore.
maybe he doesnt contact me, coz he feels so hard to face me again.
maybe he doesnt understand what he wants or he knows it but he also knows what the fact is...
he doesnt wanna hurt me even more and more. he couldnt admit that he's hurting the one he loved?
it doesnt matter....
i'll contact him, later... really later.
i'll let it end, if he doesnt know what to do.
i treasure our relationship really much and much... i know he does too unless he's just playing on me..
but i do trust him, or it doesnt mean anything to me already, all is gone. i dont care anymore.
at least...we had good time.
if we just let it end, that must be really... upset for, very sorry... but what else?
maybe i just do something for this relationship, which he doesnt willing to take action for?
i'll help him... let me do it.
to set him free. i really missing him muchhhhhhhhhh...
i really love this guy lots and lots.... but i'll let him go.
is it called given up? if we ve that heart for each others, if we're willing to wait,
i'm sure that we wont face the situation such today !?
now, i'm really upset, and ... i just pray... i ask for the blessing for him, for me.
if we really choose each others for life, we wont break up. or somedays, we'll be together again.
i really love him. and i've worked really hard for him for us,
but i dont see, i dont understand ben's part, so....
let jesus do the decison for each others please?
i really love him... * tearing.
i really cried,... i cried everyday... but can anyone tell me what to do?
i'm staying so strong right?
>>April 15, 2005 at 12:10:42 PM GMT+8
2005 年 4 月 13 日 星期三 【晴】
"We are not free, separate, and independent entities, but like links in a chain, and we could not by any
means be what we are without those who went before us and showed us the way."
Thomas Mann
"It is better not to express what one means than to express what one does not mean."
Karl Kraus
i ve nice sleep last night... thx for god.
last night i've watched vcd.. haha.
today, i wake up, then ve tea and dim sum with parents.
then go market with mom.
i've searched the songs for long, finally i got them... nice sad songs.
me, shan and queenie hang out tonight.
sitting for long... i like the mealssss .
thx for my lovely friends.
=)
Gemini
May 20 - June 20
Your easygoing attitude may be tested today, dear Gemini, as your mind is suddenly being challenged
by a subtle, yet strong force that is trying to put a monkey wrench into the works. The difficulty you
encounter will probably have to do with trying to decide what pieces of the puzzle are real, and what
pieces are not. Try not to take anyone or anything too seriously at this time.
last night i couldnt sleep...
then i watched vcd, the korean tv series... very very nice.
but why i couldnt sleep that i know you should understand my situation.
i 'm not complaining...... i'm just affraid.
that day queenie said...
能解決的事不用擔心, 不能解決的事擔心不了.
yea, she's right.
i 'm just... a bit sad, and dont know what to do.
i've pray for him eveyday.
last night i chated with aug.
he knew ben's back already. i didnt tell him about how worse the business problems.
i just let him know the situation that there're some big problems.
the point is he knows i'm worried.
my aunt also knows that. she's my friend... but she said... nothing i could do.
yea. maybe that's wht he doesnt appear these days.
actually my friend is right, he'll call me, find me at the right time.... means... if he wants, he would.
let him space right?
hummm
i've no ideas at all...
but i think all will be fine.
is it called "faith" in heart?
but i do believe that huh.
i've studied a bit korean language... that's quite fun. haha
maybe later, i'll go out with my teamates =)
write back soon...
>>April 12, 2005 at 9:13:16 AM GMT+8
2005 年 4 月 10 日 星期日 【晴】
mom's birthday today =)
hummm,... ok la.
dont know how's darling today...
>>April 11, 2005 at 12:14:56 PM GMT+8
2005 年 4 月 9 日 星期六 【晴】
hummmmm,,.....
last night i got nightmare again... aiya.... terrible...
today i went out with queenie, woo... nice huh~~
;>
by the way,... i ve back to mcondlad's today. i ve chated with them! haha...
maybe we'd meet out on 23 rd. =) thankyou~~
last night i slept late...
i've pray for long... and i've cried.
i dont know how to express my feelings to jesus, i just can cry..
i cried for long... my heart is soooooo pain...
blessing 'd never left me.
but... just want to share the blessing to him.
i dont want to ve the blessing without someone.
you know, my heart is like broken....
hummm today i waked up late, then went out to meet my aunt.
cause way bay... wah.... so far... and so crowed.
so i almost got everyting ok, well preprared.
i read the book on way, use every mins... hummm,... studied hard for him...
just try to find some way, to learn the speaking skill...
i think yesterday i let him down maybe. i couldnt help him, and make him feel un-comfortable...
=`<
hummm on the way home, i called him, but he didnt pick up my call...
actually i sms him lunch... i just wanna give him support.
i dont know what i can do for him... and i dont wanna bother him,
he need space and time.
but i do trust all the thing will be fine till the last min.
i trust in god, so i know that'll be fine.
these days is like the war....
last night i've asked all my friends... and now i'm waiting for the result back...
i chated with angeline. she's better now =) i'm so glad with that.
and she got my letter already... thx for god.
i hope my friend, andy wont get jealous from me and ben.
coz i couldnt leave him, i do care him so much...
plx pray hard for everyone.
thankyou sooooooo much...
>>April 9, 2005 at 1:57:05 PM GMT+8
2005 年 4 月 7 日 星期四 【晴】
Darling's back.
hummmm i'm so glad to hear from him again, but he got some problems.
i ve no mood to think ... about if he's a liar or not.
he lost 6 kg ... erhhh..... and big problems are.... about the business.
i just wanna help him. but seems like ohhhh... i couldnt help.
but actually i've contacted lots of ppl already.
in sg or in hk, i all asked around...
if someone or one's friends ve business there and might be able to give me a hand.
hummmm i couldnt help for the most difficult problems in front of us...
but perhaps could bring him some new business oppotunities?
hummm he's in the "darkest soulssss" dear i just wanna help him....
i waked at 6:45 am today suddenly. then i cant sleep anymore, then i watch vcd,...
then i meet my sister for lunch, she's school lunch time.
then after that i went to libary... hee, i borrowed lots of books!
hummm the koeran books. and some psy books. some chapters re very actractive.
by the way,... i ve lots of fun today, and very full.
when i come on line, i see darling's here! and he changed his nick name!!!
i found something wrong ! then i dont know i should reply or not...
i was... shaking and feel shocked......... i was dazzling... i'm serious.
then many people talk to me, but i'd never replied, coz i was so sick suddenly, and i was
very busy in the conversation with darling.
i asked him alot of things about what happened... and i'm not in mood anymore to ask him others.
i just trust him, and all the time just putting on thinking...
wanna try to help. actually i wanna give him money.
but, i just couldnt. and you know... if he asks me i 'll think about it, and at least i'll try..
but he aslo told me he doesnt think i can help up too, coz i need to preprare up.
yea.. he's right, otherwise, i might be able to help.
i was shocked... and dont know how to reply him...
is it called supprised? hummm a bit. but you know i'm quite in hurry with his problems.
he does too...
anyway, i just wanna support him... although i couldnt help what.
whatever i said... that becoming the -ve ways for him.
he bangs all my ideas... coz he's thought through all already.
now, he's tring to borrow... but actually only few people could help.
even though he sold out all the materials, still not enough to cover it...
hummm if sold all now, it's the lagre amount of lossing. then what's the best way?
he tried to let me understand that there're really hard for him... and
i just tried to ... tell him yea, difficult and still need to do something... more than just...
hummm that's great if he could talk, coz let the emotion comes out....
this time... that's the problem really related to the future.
nope, it's not his future, also our future, parent's future.
i couldnt help... he ask me dont worry that's what i ask him to also.
actually i think he's got his way already...
just depends on achieved or not.
and i know that he'd make it.
i'm confident in him.
thx for god.
and plx everyone here pray for him... and lots of ppl who need us.
>>April 8, 2005 at 2:19:51 PM GMT+8
2005 年 4 月 6 日 星期三 【晴】
hummmmm,
i dont know what to say.
last night, i got nightmare again.
***
April 7, 2005
Are You Struggling?
Read:
Hebrews 12:1-7
Consider Him who endured such hostility . . . ,
lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. —Hebrews 12:3
I was in my second year of widowhood and I was struggling.
Morning after morning my prayer-life consisted of one daily sigh:
"Lord, I shouldn't be struggling like this!" "And why not?" His still,
small voice asked me from within one morning.
Then the answer came—unrecognized pride! Somehow I had thought that
a person of my spiritual maturity should be beyond such struggle.
What a ridiculous thought! I had never been a widow before and
needed the freedom to be a true learner—even a struggling learner.
At the same time, I was reminded of the story of a man who took home a cocoon
so he could watch the emperor moth emerge. As the moth struggled to get through the tiny opening,
the man enlarged it with a snip of his scissors. The moth emerged easily—but its wings were
shriveled. The struggle through the narrow opening is God's way to force fluid from its body into its
wings. The "merciful" snip, in reality, was cruel.
Hebrews 12 describes the Christian life as a race that involves endurance, discipline,
and correction. We never get beyond the need of a holy striving against self and sin.
Sometimes the struggle is exactly what we need to become what God intends us to be.
—Joanie Yoder
When God allows His chastening hand
To give us little rest,
His only purpose is our good—
He wants for us His best. —D. De Haan
We experience God's strength in the strain of our struggle.
***
i still vent long time, then i 'll leave.
i've thought through last night...
this man i chose by myself, then i should be responsible to him and myself.
even though he might be a liar, i'm not really sure on it, or what if he 's always cheating on me,
or he's a jerk.... he's still the only one i picked up from those.
i dont know am i too foolish to be cheatd like that, i dont know if i'm so confident to him,
i dont know am i that stupid and kind to let him keep lying on me, i dont know...
but i do know, if he does anyting bad, that's jesus know about,
and i'm not the judjust but God is. That i shouldnt be too worried or sad about he treats me like that.
if he keep letting me depressed, i'd talk with him again, then i'll consider again if we should be
responsible to each others along.
he's still the man i chose.
That's the trust from jesus, faith in him.
maybe we couldnt keep this relationship, but i do treasure it and appricate it alot.
i'll be really really sad, but i also ve to understand that something should be that clear and hurt.
then i'll still enjoy my life.
no matter how, i'll still treasure our relationship and 'd enjoy my life alot.
i miss him alot, and hope he'd get well soooo soon.
i really hope to hear from him soon.
coz that means he's alright already.
Here used to be called Shmoo Sassy Rowdyruff's page. It was a random name i got from The Powerpuff Girls' site. however, i am not that little girl anymore. i'm learning how to live a life now. haha! and this is the pic of my 22nd year in my life, taken in the summer of 2008.
here is like my reference, my history, my story, and the little pieces of memorries in my life. someday when i get old, maybe i would just review my life again. or i can share with my close ones... would they miss me someday? i dont know. i just wanna live my life fully and happily =) with the ppl i love on this planet.
last night i slept late...
Someone who know