2005 年 7 月 16 日 星期六 【晴】

heehee

last night, finally i've contacted darling...
we didnt talk much, but... i appologized to him at first.
then... he asked me what's it for... i said sorry i shouldnt hang up so fast.
then he asked me if i were angry at him, i said nope, i didnt.
just coz he was too busy. and he said he was really really busy.
i just missed him so much.... then i said i love him.

anyway,
today i heard simon, my friend in singapore,... that..... his brother's wife
dead..... coz of dengue... the sec time of dengue.
i know the first time'd be okay... but sec time would be very serious,
yea i heard that before, that's why i was so worried for darling....
and now i'm much worrier........... coz noting can really prevent that.
sg is a summer country, and quite much mosqitos..... i dont know what to say.
but simon's bro wife is just very unlucky,...
she's only 45 only.
i 'm so sorry to hear about that... really.
she was in hospital around 25 days, then dead... i'm so sorry... it's just so sad...
and i'm so worried for darling and andy also,
coz both of them got dengue before.... hope nothing would happen.

hummmm
last night, aunt didnt come home,
then today i was so free, coz only me at home~ yeah~
then i make tosts with straberry jam for breakfast.
2 pieces of home made cookies( chocolate churnch) + 1 banana for lunch.
5 timbits ( small different favourite donuts) + diet coke for tea
(down town, burrard st timhorton) i hang out by myself, so free.
i went to downtown, just buy the pre-paid voucher, walk around... then sit down
at the timhorton, at burrard.
hummm so sunny today.
when i come home, no one's home , great.
why i can get in?
coz i am so smart? haha nope.... i asked them today morning i wanna go out today.
but cant match their time.
then... aunt and terrence go to wedding party for the whole day...
uncle would drive them go and back,
ok i can have the key for today~! yeah me~~

when i come home, i watched vcd movie, the mummy. i love this movie.
then... i boiled 10 dumplings ( aunt made with me together before)
then i finished the rest of the timbits, (5 only) after i washed the dishes,
bath, a bit clean up , during my research for my final presentation.
wowowowow.... tired now... *yawning....

i sent darling, miki the same e-mails again.
this time, i really let miki know he's my boyfriend.
i told her in e-mail,
dont ask me why there's always someone called darling in my diary,
coz he's really my boyfriend, in singapore now.
i said... if she feel hard to accept or wanna let mom knows,
that's ok, but just let me know before she's going to sat out.
and i ask her to respect me and him, dont say anything before she makes sure
she understands ..... dont mislead others lor.
maybe i'm too serious, but i just want to protect her actually.
she's just too young to accept me and him,
but i got to let her knows, coz... she reads my diary, sooner or later she would know,
she's my sister, i think it'd be better if i tell her by myself directly,
just dont want her to think too much or....... what.
if she has hard feelings or questions, she could ask me directly.
i just dont want to influence her too much.... coz she's just very very young.

relaxing day today...
tomorrow i would continous on my writtings and reading.
best test again on Tue.

give blessing to everyone here....
and i wanna preay for darling , andy, everyone who had dengue before.

>>July 17, 2005 at 4:40:24 AM GMT+8

2005 年 7 月 15 日 星期五 【暴雨】

I FELT SO BAD TODAY!

today, frieday, workshop, i was quite happy....
coz we were going cycling with 16 new korean and japanese students.
they're all very nice...
yea, i cant ride...
so...
i was with teacher. haha, so funny experience at stanly park, so nice...
i saw alot of things... so nice...
and then me, staphine and alesja went to dong eon's birthday party.
good! not bad, we eat alot... korean restaurant.

then when i go home, bad things keep happening...
i came back home, i didnt have a key(my aunt never gave me one)
then..... i ve to call her, to come down stairs, but she didnt turn on the phone.
then i called her son. her son didnt recieve my call.
i called to uncle. uncle's number is wrong.
theni wait for 30 mins.... then finally my aunt called back.
then... she said uncle 's home, ask me to call him.... then i call the right number...
but when i get home....
everyone passed by, got a key to go hoime, but they didnt let me in.
my phone, i dont want to use it, because it's so expensive... it's pre-paid card.
when i come back, alesja called me on cell phone, then aunt call to home.
i cannot take 2 calls at the same time. so stupid !
aunt wanted me to stop talking, and help her to send the pictures to her friend,
i helped her so many times already.
i dont know why she'd never be able to send out!
she's just wasting my time and money on phone...
then she gave me the wrong e-mail @.
and she called again, she asked uncle to help her.
but why doesnt she just call uncle then???
she's using my phone to talk with uncle!
and she ask me to replace the phone so that when her stupid son comes home,
make sure he can call to our home!
i dont have key, ok i accept that. but plx make sure when i'm home
then someone would be able to open the door for me.
she called me, she doesnt need to pay, but if i take the call,
then i should pay. and sometimes,... even she called me i couldnt help her.
but i have to take her calls, i feel so bad...
i was on phone with alesja, but i couldnt tell her about what happebned...
coz i dont want my uncle hear what i say to alesja.
and i had to hang up with her.
so bad, so terrible...
i was almost cring on street, i's just at downstair, outside the lobby,
just couldnt get itto the building!
those ppl wouldnt let me go in with them, coz i dont have the key pass!
oh my god...

my aunt asked me doing lots of stupid thibngs,...
why she put on so much hard things on me?
does she think of my feelings huh?
i just want to make sure when i get home, i can be able to get in.
why that's so hard?

last night, i called darling so many times... he'd never picked any calls from me.
i thought he didnt bring his phone to work...
but the last time, he picked up at the last min...
then... i heard his vioce was so bad...
and he said... he was very busy, couldnt talk to me yesterday,
he was still talking but i hang up imediately after saying just one word, bye.
i know i was so mean to him, but i didnt call again, coz i dont want to bother him.
i think i should let him finish his words,
at least to let him take a breath from his situtation.
but i was so mean.... i was really really sorry.
i couldnt sleep well last night after that call.
but i really really want to call him when i waked up.
but, darling would be really really tired too, i want him to rest after work,
so... finally i didnt call him at home or on cell phone.and i think of my aunt and her family,
no one waked yet, when i wake up to school.
i dont want to bother their sleeping..........
so... i couldnt call at home... so stupid thing...

but i really really wanna say sorry to him...
but now i couldnt do that, you know how bad i feel now???
i cant use the phone, coz stupid terrence's not home yet!
what the fuck?
i have to keep the line for him. that's totally ..... shit.
i'm pissed off by those fucking shit.


i feel so helpless you know?
i always feel so pissed off i always feel so helpless,
i always feeling like... ........ i dont belong to here,
and i wanna go home.
i love vancouver, i love being with my friends,
but i cant stand for the stay here, especially everytime after i go out,
i ve to worry for if i can get into home, if i can contact them,
if they could just stop giving me shitsssss!
i wanna tell my parents, tell my darling, tell my close friends about what's going on,
but i'd never be able to do this...
i cannot speak out in home, i cannot even talk secertly with my parents or darling.
i ve to speak to them when everyone's out for secert.
sometimes when i speak to my mom, aunt comes and listen what i say,
i feel so bad about that, but i cannot do anything.

what can i do huh?
i really wanna go home =':::<

>>July 16, 2005 at 6:49:47 AM GMT+8

2005 年 7 月 13 日 星期三 【晴】

***
this is the sec time i write diary today.
just now i was on phone for a few mins with darling.
***

darling was watching tv in the living room...
when last night i called again and again during the tv show here...
yup, last night i called almost till 4 am.( the time to bed last night)
i was watchin tv , too!

heehee,
just now i've chated with him for a few mins more...
after that chating on 2+++ hr before
he's so busy that i just asked him if he s taken lunch,
and i'm going to sleep, cant wait for his lunch time,
(coz at the first conversation, i asked when he'd be free, and i wanna talk with him)
well well well,... after 1 to 2++ hrs, still being busy... poor darling...
at 2 45 pm there, he hasnt eaten yet... i mean lunch.

someone asked me to sleep earlier, dont stay up too late.
and... someone said...
i look elder, much elder than my age now, especially after i came vancouver.
i look like 20+++++ or almost 30+
actually i'm just 19, my 19th just start from last month, 12th June.
who's that someone? my darling.... =S
then i asked him if he's very disappionted by my latest pictures.... =< !!
he said... nope.... it's like an elder woman, which is his type.
hahahaha!! =D
oh no.... i'm so young!!!

actually, i was really really tired in those activities pictures... anyone see that?
especially at the joy's party with all the schoolates, and the national day.
i was sick in the party, before drinking also feeling not well and moody.
the national day s an up-set day, it was raining and quite cold.
i didnt really like hanging out under that kind of weather.
especially ask me to stay under raining.... and take the =) pictures?
oh....no way.....man........

by the way...
darling say i look elder and elder.
then someday i would look elder than him.
=S
.....
.........
..


hummm.... okay....
i'm very tired and busy with the accident claim now,
so,... i dont always exercise as usual, and getting upset face and feeling not well.
the period comes again, maybe i'm getting fat coz by the hormons.
i know i need to rest more,
but i want stop myself being lazy.
and i need my darling...
i'm just very very tired....

nightnight,
12 24 am.

>>July 14, 2005 at 7:24:37 AM GMT+8

2005 年 7 月 13 日 星期三 【晴】

hum....
lately i'm not very happy...
i always skip classes, stay at home to follow up the accident.

today is 13/7 wed,
8:25 pm

i didnt attend to the morning class today.
and i had the mcdona'ds for lunch before school.

i talk to icbc again today morning,
and then she said, she would post me the form,
then i have to fill it and post back, then i can claim for money.
suddenly, one skiter boy comes up, then the bus had to stop.
that's what made the accident happen.
today, staphine chated with me...
then she thinks i shouldnt struggle in this accident.
hummm alisja said i should...
and.... sigh.... it's so tiring man....

anyway,
it'd be fine...

i'm worried for my sister, leggy.
i know her sec. school would be a chinese school, but she deserves much better.
i feel so sorry for her.
hummm.

i'm so tired....
i'm so sleepy...

i miss my darling very very much.
i wanna tell him i really want to hug him and kiss him.
but i got no chances..... =S
so long to wait for his day off.
i wanna talk with him a bit more, but it's just..... so hard.
it's been 3 weeks i couldnt really talk with him.
actually he couldnt talk with me...... because ..... ... ......
he choose to sleep and ve lunch, or to stay busy with his own stuffs.

staphine said...
tell him how i feel, just be directly.
it's not me dont want to be direct speaking, but i cant do it.
i just cannot to speak out.
darling wants me to tell him directly too... but it's just too hard for me.
i dont know how to be directly speaking...

i just want to tell him i really love him,
and i want to talk with him.

>>July 14, 2005 at 3:38:26 AM GMT+8

2005 年 7 月 10 日 星期日 【晴】

heehee

today is sunday.
12:36 pm.

happy birthday to aunt priscilla.

anyway,
yesterday morning,( night time at sg)
i chated with darling.
coz he came on line... wow...hummmm not really good.
then we ve argue again... about.... hahaha... my photos and the mails.
but finally it's fine.
then...

i called him after his lunch time, ( last night here)
we're ..... heehee... so sweet.
he's kidding to me. haha... he's so cute. heehee ^^

then, i've chated with my sister too.
miki is so cute haha... anyway, it's fine.

angeline re really sad... but now she's getting better.
hope she'll be fine as soon as possible.
just hope she's alright...

today 's aunt's birthday...
so, later, we will go downtown to have sushi....
which japanese restaurant is my friends and me favourite.
hummmmmmm that would be my treat...

but she asked me if terrance wanna join then how.
for me, actually i dont really want him to join.
coz i dont ....... like him............ as a friend.
i just treat him like..... a roomate.
but sometimes, i also need to.... take care of what he did at home.
i just dont like helping him to finish his dishes.
i know it's not good.
we ve to... treat our neighbour as ourselves....
but i'm really sorry. i dont know how to get along with him.
he's too much man....... he'd so stupid and stubbon.
i dont know how to..... you know...i just cannot accept.
he has too much bad living habbits
which cant really harm me but so.... disgusting...!
but.... if he wanna join, i would let him join...
today is aunt's birthday... so... i should listen to her.
if she wants him to join, ok... fine... but if she doesnt ask...
i might not invite him.................

anyway... let's see what will happen.
actually........ no matter how my aunt decides... i would accept.
she's my aunt and friend, but he isnt.
but if my aunt wants, i would accept.

darling said, he's very very busy... in this week...
and his workmates leave him lots of paper work to follow...
hahaha... darling~~~~ so poor darling...

i'd called sankie before.
asking her how's start|| now... then i know some problems in her and
our new star co, fanny. welll i like me more than fanny anyway.
hummmm she's so angry...
and... i think steven is not working there already, and also... rachel.
then... kenny has another part-time also. charels doesnt really work too...
so only sankie, wyane and... sherlin work at star team now.
so poor.... many stuffs to do man....
no new crews, no new helpers... oh.... too bad hahaha
but i'm thinking that after i come back if i still want to stay at star|| for help
or i wanna keep studying and look for other part-time job,
or i just want to work full time as other postition.
i'm not sure yet...
but sankie really wants me to come and help her.
i know she wants to propose to a star co. and she wants me be a star co. too.
but it's really hard, and... fanny wouldnt let her propose so easily actually.
so... i dont know... let's wait and see how it works...

hummmm

missing all of my friends and my family.
but after i come back, i would miss my friends here too.
sigh.....
so complicated.

i really really miss my darling. heehee

>>July 10, 2005 at 8:03:01 PM GMT+8

2005 年 7 月 8 日 星期五 【晴】

today is friday!
and we have a workshop at downtown,...
i mean... the vancouver public libary!

that's so great! and i learn alot today!!!
although today is raining, i still have lots of fun today.

i've been so early to there, so... i take a cup of tea, then...
join them, my class and carrie, my writting instructor.
actually, beside class, she's a quite nice person.

after the workshop,
no one comes to join our lunch,
so, carry and me went to have " fliet'o fish without chese" for lunch! haha!!
yea, we've talk for long too.
she's a quite nice person actually =) heehee... so glad to ve lunch with her!

then i went to robson, with her.
then she went to the cd shop, virgin.
then i went to american egle, a ........... fashoin shop =P hee
i wanna buy a t-shirt, but after i tried it on, it doesnt really fit me,
so i tried another style on,
that fits! haha! so i buy one!
and actually i'm looking for shoses...., i mean sandles.
everyone knows i dont wear this kind of shoses...
but i'd like to tty =)
hee

by the way...
just now, i called darling.
he's chasing the mrt or bus...
then we chated for a coupple of mins.
then... we hang up, and after a few mins, i called again.
well well well...
hummmmmmmmmmmmm he didnt know that i mind of what he said haha...
but actually i was a bit angry but mostly re just kidding with him.
yea, i guess, coz i 'm jealous about what he said.
if there're so many pretty girls, all over singapore,
then... base on that, i know why he eats his lunch so happy with his friendsss.
i said, there're so many pretty girls, when you're chasing the bus or mrt,
then you couldnt pay attention on them, oh... you're wasting the chances.
but he told me... only me would be enough.
oh man.... really? hahaha...
then i said.... oh... but you're losing the chance...
now i understand why you ving lunch with friends so happy,
and i'm not going to bother you, i dont want to bother you...
then... he said... oh... you're talking about that?!

(yea, i mean the day before... someone told me... there're lots of pretty girls around
and... why he said that, coz i was asking him about that !
and he's so busy with his friends eating lunch, right that moment, even i guess...
he couldnt be bothered, and ....... wanted me to hang up at the same time.)

well, i guess he means i misunderstood him.
and he doesnt feel good about my ... misunderstanding.
but, either do i.

i guess that's jealous.
and... fine... what can i say if my boyfriend saying that to me huh?
i preffer saying nothing, and shut my mouth off.
yea, i'm showing him i .... get jealous of every girls around him.
if i'm not pretty enough for him, fine.
i know i'm not that pretty as well, but i guess, there'd be some ppl think i'm pretty.
or i dont even need other ppl to agree on my apperaence...
i do appricate myself.

he says he'd call me later.... coz there were too many ppl arounding him now.
alright.
if he doesnt call....
i should call or not?

just now, i've called to hk , my friends.
then.....
heehee... good.
i called to ting ting, water, and agnes...
later i'd call 5d! they'd have dinner tonight!
and i will call.... jackie and queenie, also sankie =P
hee

>>July 9, 2005 at 4:20:07 AM GMT+8

2005 年 7 月 7 日 星期四 【晴】

in these two days i didnt go to school.

yesterday i went to have the body check,
lastnight, i got a cold... so today heheheeee...

lastnight, chating with darling...
good or bad...

i think my parents sooner or later would know.... what happened,
i mean our relationship.
my sister, miki seems knowing something...
she sometimes come to read my diary.
it's so welcome for her to come, but i'm not sure if it's the good time to let her know.

i planed to let my parents know at least when i'm 20 or 21.
and...i hope at that time, benny would be in hk with me, too.
i dont want..... to.... let them know by myself. i want to bring him to home.
hummmm.... for me, that's a big question.
i'm very affraid.
i cannot..... imagine ow my parents think........ and i hope they would accept him,
but....... my daddy, he's a very smart man,
and my mom, she's very ........... protective.
and my two sisters re just soooo young that they wouldnt understand....
and me too. i'm very young, right?
jesus,....... i'm very affraid.

benny doesnt understand my worries.
for him, i'm always welcome o sinagpore, and to meet his paretns.
coz they've already known i'm his girlfriend. and nothing very surprising for his age.
but i'm just 19...
if i ve a daughter at 19, i wouldnt be that permisive that let her fooling around.
of course i'm not fooling around now, but... i'll not let my daughter.... you know...
it's not a funny thing right?
long distance relathionship....... and where you guys meet? when? how?
how do you know he's not a liar? and, huh...? what?! how come...
then you go to singapore? how about your studies? job???
you're moving? how about us?..... blah...blah....blah.
oh my god... i dont know how to let them know.
and.... coz i dont know too, " dont ask me plx? "
but i know i cannot ans them like that.
but what can i do...
i told benny i'm affraid. but that doesnt make sense for him.
he just want to let them know too...
but he said he doesnt know how would they ask, so he cant help me.
sigh... stupid.
he's my boyfriend. if he doesnt know, then that means... " WHAT?!"
i think.... he should do that for me....
then he said i come over there, let me to talk to his parents,
then he 'd talk to my parents. isnt that funny? is he just joking?
sigh...

lately, not only lately... he's always busy.
i call him everyday at his lunch time.... sometimes i just cant match up his time.
then....last night i was chating with him for a few mins.
that make me sick.
is he kidding? i dont want to talk to him.. chay...

>>July 7, 2005 at 8:19:50 PM GMT+8

2005 年 7 月 5 日 星期二 【乍寒還暖】

now is 7 42 pm.

today was okay...
sometimes outsuide is rainging very hard.

i saw alisja at mcdonald!
she ewas waiting for me =)
then i had breakfast with her today.
then staphine comes too!
=) nice breakfast !

i had 2 classes today, fine...
we had a supprise quiz for reading class. hummmm i just got a pass.
i missed 2 classes before, then... i didnt study for that.
just coz of that 15 mins, then.... i got a pass. hummm i dont feel nice.
today i was busy for editing the writting.
at lunch time, i didnt take my lunch, just waiting for teacher.
the writting 's a bit run of topic?
i dont think so... but might be carry, my writting instructor wants me to ...
classify better then better.
i could understand.
coz i think this topic .... is a bit hard for us?
some classmates got problems on.
so... just work hard.

tomorrow i will have a check up again.
then, i have to take a sick leave.

hummm
tomorrow got 2 quizs.

anyway...
i didnt get darling's sms, although he siad he would sms me....
i dont want to guess if he'd sms me or not.
ok...

today i dont know why i cant sign in the window messanger.
hope tomorrow would be fine.
coz tomorrow darling's day off. i want to chat with him on line.
=(

>>July 6, 2005 at 2:45:54 AM GMT+8

2005 年 7 月 4 日 星期一 【晴】

This is the sec diary of today.
now is 10:44 pm , after the chating with darling laogong.

finally i didnt eat my dinner. no one cook...
and i was late to home too, so i guess terrence and uncle had dinner already.
Fine. coz... i dont even want to cook for myself too.

the most motivation for me to come again now is...
just now... i called darling again.
he was busy, so busy...
then he asked me to call him after 10 mins.
i thought he was so busy, and i want him to have a nice lunch time.
so i called after 25 mins.
then he finished his lunch time already.

but,... actually i just wanna tell him i really had a bad day...
and i did wish to surprise him by the call at his morning today....
i think that'd be so lovely..... but...
i'm so sorry that doesnt work... and even make me feel worse.

the most surprising is... he ask me about if i feel better now.
he was referring my accident... WOW...
that's thoughtfull right?
i didnt expect he'd ask me anyway....
but i was feeling so bad...
so i didnt give him any good sound... you know...
but i do appricate his care actually,
and i love that kind of words especially from his mouth.
i do care about thouse coz.... i care for him and care about if he cares me too.

but i really feel bad about my callings
that makes me feel so bad...
just now i got the same problems again and again!!!!
that's totally pissed me off!!!!
=(

so, when he said " hey, i cannot answer your call in front of my captin you know?"
then... i say... no, i mean the time, you're supposed to leave home.
then... he told me " at that time, i didnt turn on my phone yet."
okay... i see.
bad connection conducted by that fucking company, so we couldnt really talk.
stupid nasty company.

i do wish to tell him i really love him so much...
and i do hope to hear from him but not by pushing around..... by natural, can?
by his willingness, can?
not by me to keep asking and also be pissed off again and again?
can he calls me?
i'm so tired to dail those bunch of #s , but not going to work.
i feel sooooo bad on phone calling now =(
i hope him understand i do wish to talk with him and i try really hard, do you see that?
do you see that everyday i call and call? but.... it's like i 'm quite troublsome?
hummmm i think men dont like their girlfriends bother them too much.
but i do bother him lots a day..... i'm so sorry... but i do wish he understabnds
and be pleased to talk with me too =::<
i feel sooooo bad....
i love him .

>>July 5, 2005 at 6:11:53 AM GMT+8

2005 年 7 月 4 日 星期一 【晴】

a bit tired and angry today.

you know, this morning, i was so rushed in time...
i set the alrm clock at 7 am.
but i couldnt wake up... i wake after 5 mins.
then... aunt rushed into washroom. she said she need it.
then... i go pick up my stuffs first.
and... i wiated till 7:20 ++ then i could use the bathroom.
so i guess today i would miss the bus.
but holly jesus....
she hurrt me! when i just finished my bath.
i didnt wash up yet, i even didnt put on any clothes!
she said she need to go out right now!
shit! "you can leave !" that's what i thought!
but i dont undertsand why she 'd never told me she need to go out that early.
and if she told me before, then i could wake earlier!
she kept hurry me!
then i said i was waering on my clothes!
"what the fuck?!" i know that's rude but it's true for my thought.
then...
finally... i had to get out of the house at 7:40 am!
fucker!
i used to leave after 9:45 am!
what else can i do???
i just washed my hair, didnt dress well yet, didnt brush my teeth,
just wash my face then i had to carry the messy stuffs and even dont ve a min
to drink water or take a pieve of bread or cookies which i brought yesterday!!!!
why?!
holly shit! dont ask me.
this's never happened in my life before!
sounds like....
a whole bunch of shit pouring on me at the begining of the new day morning!
what else is worse than that huh?
i hate being in hurry like this suddenly without any reasons.
that's not my fault right?
and she does know i always need the washroom at that moment
which she choose to rush in the washroom faster than me!
is that acceptable to you guys?
I DONT THINK SO !
and thanks for the stupid uncle too,
he'd never out that early before, except with his super lovely son, terrence.
so.... i was the stupidest girl
who's walking on the street with messy clothes, messy stuffs and like un-waked yet!
what else more i can do?!!!!!

then when i got off the bus.
i went to mcdonald's to have my breakfast and buy my lunch at there again!
what else i can do more huh?!!!
dont ask me to prepare food for myslef!
dont ask me to buy some food at home for my own self!
it does doesnot work!!!!!
never and wont !

so that's why i felt sooooooooo bad today morning.
but anyway, i dont want to bring my emotions to school
so, when i just finish my breakfast,
i go to school normally.
i did share my feelings with my friend, but it was fine.
then i had a nice school day at school.
and today we have 15 more korean new school mates.
anyway, they come for summer camp only.

and... wellcome them! =)
hummm i was talking to pil about that before i left vancouver,
i want to learn some korean language ...
so i invites him to be my teacher. then i might give him some tution fees.

and...
after schoiol, i stay at computer lab to do my writting.
then i left with alisja, and we walk around.
i try to spen my time untill 6 30 pm.
coz i know that stupid unlce would be back after 6:15 pm.
i was so smart, i asked aunt,
if she'd be home, before i get back.
she said NOPE. how lucky that i did ask her huh?!!!!!!
ok, fine. so i stayed at broadway with alisja for long.
thankyou alisja!!
actually i would like to stay till 5:30 pm only.
but i want to call darling at 6 30pm ( there ..... 9: 30 am)
that's his time to leave home to go work.
so... i can talk with him for 2 more mins.
i want to call at public phone, coz that's much better and better to call on cell phone!
i stayed.... sent alisja to bus stop, then pass through the blenz coffe, saw taku,
went in to chat with him till the right time, 6:30pm here, then i give him a call.
BUT..... YOU KNOW....even i tried to match his time.
he didnt take my call too.
WHAT else can I DO ?
i know he was soooooo busy yesterday, so i didnt bother him again and again.
i just give him one call as usuall, when it's a bit later than he 's supposed to be free.
that's around "late lunch time"... but he was still very busy talking with customer.
yup i heard what he said with the customer too... he even cant be bothered for a "hi".
like.... nope. it does me me.... interrupping him with his customer.
yea i could understand,
so i called him after 1 hr. i thought he would be having lunch.
but he said not yet... he was so tired too.
then i hang up again... i just dont want to bother him.
but YOU KNOW! he couldnt sms me or phone to me.
that's why i called him everyday and tried really hard to match him up!
but the fact is ... it SUCKS.... it doesnt w-o-r-k.
then... i siad... ok, when you have lunch, just called me.
and i wait and wait...
no one calling me then i slept... too tired.
alright!
today, i waked then i found no missing calls.
ok, i accept.
i think he's too rired.
alruight ...
then today i didnt wake him at 5:30 pm( 8 30 there)
the best time for him to get up.
alright... i didnt send him a wake up call. coz i know and i want him to sleep more.
but... almost 6: 40 pm( there's 9:45) i called. that's the time for him to left ALREADY.
but he didnt take my call.
i dont know if he's still sleeping or not.
but i tell you what,
it's not easy to find a public phone.
and everytime since the call has been connected to the pre-paid idd card.
it chatges me $ 25 cents already, even i dial the idd call or not.
so... i was reallly really really really frustrated about that !!!
like my cell phone, same idea!
the fuckking pre-paid card borad doesnt work propoly, that means....
it's connected but the operator woiuld ask me to call later coz there's too busy!
what the fuck! the local call fees still be charged to my account!
it takes $ 15 cents each min.
you can imagin how bad i feel that almost everytime when i have to
dial to that fucking company 3 time or above to switch to idd service properly,
but i'd just only be able to reach his voice message box !
so, almost everytime i called out by my own fucking cell phone,
i ve to pay for..... upper $ 2 dollars to begin to reach his voice mail box.
and sometime i did call 2 times or sometimes 3 times
for.... getting his attention for my calling , as the important things to let him know.
you know how bad i feel?!
$ 30 dollars pre-paid voucher..... is just the hell !
and...
i tell you what...
i really really feel so bad to call him now.
i know sometimes it's not his fault.
but like what i say again and again.
he did have the responsiblities for me.
i'm not asking him to take my call everytime i call him or speak to me for long a day.
nope, i'm not asking that... and i know he's improving himself too.
at least he let me be able to find him( well, not that easy though)
i'm just.... thinking that...
he has the partly responsiblities to let mt know him and care for me,
espcially when i 'm SICK or in ACCIDENT. ( but... he'd never asked)
not me only to keep asking asking asking till i feel myself is too dump or DULL.
not me to complain all the time
( well i dont really complain, you know me... but i did one for my accident already)
i asked him why " you'd never asked me about my sickness of my accident, but just
telling me you're fine, getting well on your flu? " --- WHY ?
and i 've forgiven him of course.
i know he was too busy... well *** GIRLS do say " busy is NOT the EXCUESE."
but i'm NOT PERMITTED to say that. I DO KNOW.

why i'm so angry?
oh dear...
i love this man, but i cannot stand for this kind of..... feelings.
=(

man....
i have to accept all till the day he'd learn how worse he 's making for me now.
or let's say... " that's again then again, and never be end. "

>>July 5, 2005 at 3:26:07 AM GMT+8