2005 年 5 月 9 日 星期一 【晴】

now is 6:10 pm on monday.

hummmmm lastnight got argue with darling,
so today morning i was not ok, i was a bit... upset...
then after lesson, i feel better.

lastnight we've talk about breaking off.
he asks me why everytime something happened then i got that way,
actually i didnt wanna talk with him about our problems last night,
that's not the right time, but he just wants me to tell him,
otherise he 's soooo pissed off by me.
i know it, so i just told him how i feel.
i think i got changed actually...
in these four days, without him.
of course he's so angry and totally pissed...
you kmnow he asked me if i know how tired he was working and
lots of stuffs... yea it's my fault again, it's me dont know his situation,
ok... then...
he asks me if there's any guys wooing me, or i like someone else.
man...... and he asks me if i want to break up so just tell him staight.
man... i didnt mean that, but just... dont think we ve good communication
at all, he said he had promised me it'll getting better,
and he just concerns on our future. and he does care about me.
he missed me he wanna talk with me... but no that chances.
but before, i ask himn if he knew what happen here with me in these days,
and if he knew what happened on sat here.
he said... no... and ask me tell him what happened make me like that.
i told him i'd a lot of fun, but i wanna tell him before i go,
but i didnt get that chances!
then he's mad at me...

he finds me like the normal friendly tone to him, and so cold suddenly.
that's not suddenly actually....
you know that.
everytime is like that... then what can i do...
he hopes me to ve faith to him just like he has it in me.
and he said he'd never asked more than that from me,
yea... he'd never asked, but i did alot.
he feels that's not fair to him if i just blame him on his busy.
and coz he'd never blame me at our time gap situation.
i didnt even know he starts his work again!
how do i know huh? and... i dont know what to say.
but i feel so hard... and he just asks me what's easy then.
he doesnt want me to marry the nothing achieved man,
he's not with that kind of thought that
business could start anytime after married.
but actually i think that's me got changed, not him.
i even dont know what happened on myself.
i felt... sooooooo frustrated about that,
i felt depressed with our relationship... coz that's not the first time already.
and i dont know if we could keep going,
but i know i dont wanna... hurt him and actually i hurt myself alot if
i say break up with him, coz we really... had goodtime and promised,
i'm not the knid of girls that lossing promises, but i feel like i'm that bad.
so, i really feel so bad with myself.
i know love... is....hum.... is something forever,
and respnsible, and i believe that love is lasting long,
not just for few months.
that's why i feel so bad. feeling like that's not me.
he asks me if there's any third parties,
"nope, not yet, but maybe later?" that's what i think... but i didnt say.
coz i dont know if our relationship keeps that worse, then who
can predict if there'll be something happening?
who knows?

that's one thing keep him going and going on his work
is about our relationship, coz i courage him alot and alot...
so... i'm the motivation for him, maybe one of it or whole of it.
i dont know and i dont want to know.
all the things happened too fast, only in four days, then i got this kind of changing.
then, what will happen? who can predict any?

my new friend told me...
dont just keep my eyes on one guy, she knows what i mean,
and... i dont think it's fair for both of us.
now... it depends on... what jesus wants me to do.
coz i'd promised for him, for something...
so...
yea i know coz i'm too young, and i'm that kind of... talkative girl,
and it's easy for me to build up good relationship with ppl...
so........... it's just too hard to focus on one lover????
nope!
but it's just coz of our old problems come again and again...
so... this time might be his last chances.
actually.... i wish him all the best...
but we just couldnt communicate well...
you know how hurt i'm feeling about???
i dont wanna break up, but i if we dont break up...
then what comes next???

ve faith in him,
am i able to do it?

how about if i go change my course?

lots of questions being here...
i ask him to give me some time,
he asks me what's that for...
is it for me to get over him?
i say no! if i wanna do that then i 've done already.
actually it's just been long time being that worse, so... if i want,
i could.

but now , i dont want, so i couldnt.
if you love someone, then that one living in your heart,
you got no spaces for other guys.
but for me... i got a "good" or "bad" one, i even dont know what!
sometimes he sounds like a stranger for me, so?

i said sorry to him, coz i... just didnt know what happened with him...
but it doesnt mean we can keep it along?
if i lose this man, i will not get a nicer than him maybe.
i might lose someone i really love.
but i feel so hard in it.
plx... if he doesnt wanna leave me, then dont put that shit on me plx...

**
i've talk with principle today,
i'm allowed to change the class.
i'll talk with my parents tonight.

>>May 10, 2005 at 1:57:42 AM GMT+8

2005 年 5 月 8 日 星期日 【晴】

now is sunday, 12:46pm

lastnight before i slept, i saw darling's on line,
but i said hi to him, he didnt reply me.
i let it being on till the morning, coz aunt'd never turned it off.
but... he didnt say anything to me.
maybe it's not him? maybe it's brother again?

in these days... i feel like... i'll forget him fast.
if he keep putting me at that way,
i dont want to keep this relationship with him le... it's too tiring.
we cannot compromise things...
we cannot sort the matters out you know?
it's been really hard for me already... what does he want?
i'm his girlfriend, but he doesnt willing... to spen a bit time for me!
even just for a few mins!
what's wrong with us actually?
re there any third parties?
can anyone be honest to me telling me what happen???
you know... i'm not that kind of girl love flirting behind my lover,
i'm not the two-timer ppl, i'm always loyal to him, i'm always honest,
but why? why i feel like he's always sooo weird or actually
i start supisous on him long time ago!
i convince myself again and again, he's not this kind of person!
but so what?!
he couldnt show me, he couldnt!
he just keeps showing me he's that kind i hate!
i could give him chances again and again,
but does he really wanna get well with me?
i dont find that.
you know.. i really feel like and i just dont want to admit that...
he's cheating on me...

i'm so sorry....
i think i really have to think about... if i should keep my promise for him along.

plx... dont use my honest, my kind, to cheat me to hurt me....
i dont want to get that......
i'm so sad....

>>May 8, 2005 at 8:00:45 PM GMT+8

2005 年 5 月 7 日 星期六 【晴】

hey!

today is sat!
and the mother day in hk!
happy motherday to mom!

and,...
today, we went to the english bay, then go to the stanley park!
then we go to ve the korean food! haha!!! sooooo nice!!!!
then,...we go to drink again!

you know,
today is really fun... haha,... we talk alot!
today, we ve... dongeon, staphine, alesja, taju and one more...opps...
i forgot her name, but she's cute =), for the parksss,
then we ve hitashi with us ving dinner and drinks!
you know, today is pretty fun and relaxing. i love today so much! :)

we ve win, korean wine, 21%...
wah... haha... my sec time on wine.
i know my face was so red..haha!
and i like the korean food, it's really nice~!
spicy and sweet haha...
and then,... we ve games, like truth or dare,
so we play then ask questions then drink again! haha...
then we go drink again, beer...haha
i just drink a bit beer. not bad, honet favoured? i dont know...
dongeon said it's sweet.

i'll do the assignments later.

hum... just now mom's calling. haha!
she knows i'm outside tonight!
she called aunt!
aunt's all out tonight for bbq!
i came back no one's here~

anyway...
i'm sooo tired already, write back soon.

>>May 8, 2005 at 7:16:44 AM GMT+8

2005 年 5 月 7 日 星期六 【晴】

hihi...

few days vent come to blog.

i'm fine in these days,everyday go to school and come back home.
ve fun at school, then keep talking with new friends...
we ve assignments everyday.
that's actually quite boring...
the classes re easy.

hummmm today, later, coz now is 9:22 am.
then i will hang out....
we will go to the stanly park, then down town, then ve drink and dinner.
we will ve alasjia, the germany girl, staphine, from taiwan,
and don un from koera, then tai from tai wan,
maybe ta ku, from japan will come =)
ta ku, he takes the same bus line with me,
so we take bus to home together everyday.
don un and ta ku teach me koeran and japanese haha!
they're all very nice guy! and alasija she teaches me germany!
just a little bit is really fun already!
we ve lunch at school together everyday.
that's cool. so we could ve a lot of chat.
anyway,......

miki always just leave me message when i 'm sleeping,
she always ask me why dont answer her...
that's silly haha...
i am sleeping, how to answer her?
and when i wake up, i saw her message, then she's off already.
then,... sometimes i wanna call to home, but dont know what to say to them?
haha...
anyway, it's fine. i miss them but not the homesick.

i wanna call to my friends too, but we dont ve home line,
if i use the cell phone, that'll be the big troubble...
cad $ 10 for 33 mins.
that's really expensive for me. coz i'm un-employed.

hummm ...
vent contacted with him for for few days already.
dont know why and how's he doing now.
i used to ve chat with him... but he doesnt come on line,
then i dont want to call.
maybe that's my wrongs... but i ve to say...
if there's any temtaptions... then the most hurt one would be me.
even the third party is from here, canada...
the most hurt one still would be me.
even there's no third parties, but i still wanna break up,
the most hurt one would be me too.
i lost my promise, i lost my everything.

>>May 7, 2005 at 4:45:36 PM GMT+8

2005 年 5 月 4 日 星期三 【晴】

hey!

hummm actually school vas started already.
it's not that excited as expected.
anyway,... it's quite boring in my english learning.
i've taken those classes in utah already i guess?
so,... especially the writting class, oh my god...
that's what exactly i learned from Grace before!
but today, the writting class instrustor is really serious and bored.
oh dear... isnt writing fun? but i dont find it in class!
oh.... can i just skip this class???? i really not interested in it!

other classes re just.... you know... it's like back to the lsc.
that's not good... coz you've taken the half of degree already,
but right now, you move back to the begining to learn skills...
i know my skills is not that good, but i dont feel like i ve to take those classes again.
actually, i wanna ask emma if i could just skip these pre-college course,
then start the managenment course now with other students.
but... i ve to take the challenging test and.... dont know how to deal with it.
i'm just a bit lost now.
i couldnt take any upper advance... coz i'm at that level already...
=(

i'd like the hosipitatlity with tourism course, but!
only 2 lessons per week !
and we ve 8 lessons per week =(
i'd like to finish the whole week course then.... try to talk to emma?
but i think coz... at first i've paid for the eng course so i cant transfer my money
to the other course.... that's really really mad about!
and if i start the managenment now, i ve to pat more or just ve to pay for the whole!
isnt it crazy?
ppl affraid that my eng is not good enough, then ask me to take eng course.
i taken the test, they say i got good result, then dont need to take the esl.
oh dear, she told me i could start the hotel course,
but now!
on monday ! i found that i still ve to take the eng course, but not the esl.
but isnt that still the same huh??? isnt that tricky?!
oh my god.....
actually... i think some of the students in hotel management course need
the eng course more than me!
but how come they're so clever that didnt take it?!

anyway...
school starts... and i m just being... so.... bad =(
i dont like my course, that's not suitable for me...
and... i start missing home and miss my friends, and my darling soooo much!
you know i just wanna call him everyday!
and if i dont call him i really feel so bad.
you know...
i like my life here, but i just love him and miss him so much...
by the way...
schoolmates in school re all vert nice to me, that's i'm so happy for.

>>May 5, 2005 at 1:03:45 AM GMT+8

2005 年 5 月 2 日 星期一 【晴】

hey!

nice day huh !

today school start, actually just for the orential day...
then i 've met a lot of new friends, boys and girls... really nice =)
i've the nice breakfast " ELT" that's from mcdonald's...
and ve fries for lunch also...
but just the samll size, so... i come back then 've taken two pieces of bread, very hungry..
actually i've lunch with a tai wanese girl.
and i've met the german , japanese friends!
haha :D!!
lots of fun!

and i've taken bus to home alone to home!
i've made some misticks...
and you know, some bridge got broken in service?
so there's the trafic jam.... ch......
yea... quite fun =)

yesterday tried to call darling,
but he didnt pick up the callssss...
what's going on? is he alright?
i'm a bit worried for him actually...

see ya!
and... being nervous and excited...!

>>May 3, 2005 at 12:45:01 AM GMT+8

2005 年 5 月 1 日 星期日 【晴】

hello,
here's 8:36 pm now.

today is sunday, actually i'm at dabbie's home now.
heehee... here's like our second home.
we come here for sleep at night, then move back to home in morning.
coz dabbie's not home, so we come take care of her home, and stay here =)
hummm...

tomorrow school starts, i'm a bit worried for the school fees...
and then keep praying and ve faith.
anyway, today, terrence brought me to take bus, try to find the way to school
aunt wont be always able drive me to school hee...
and actually my school is quite near to the down town !
me and terrence went to take bus, and we've hated alot.
on bus, we saw his schoolmates. wow...
and then they're doing something "bad",... haha,....
anyway, it's ok for me huh...
we ve the very nice dinner tonight. aunt's cooking is not bad. haha

by the way,
how's darling doing???
i quite miss him...
you know, yesterday i tried to call him for long, and i get up early today at 6am
in order to give him a call... but he's not connected for whole day !
what's wrong with him huh?
yea i did said that i wouldnt call him in these days or coming days....
but you know, i got chances to call, so i do call him.
but... i'll try to call him later.

today i've bought the student pass for bus. it could save a bit fare.
quite nice =)
and we've been to down town again. sunday... there's not very crowed...
not like cause way bay in hk. i like here better.
anyway... that's nice =)
thx for aunt and thx for terrence!
and today before lunch, i've watched the movie called..."hai nan ji fan"
from singapore! really nice and touched!
thx for uncle!
today really thx for jesus!
and,.... pray hard....

>>May 2, 2005 at 3:45:15 AM GMT+8

2005 年 4 月 30 日 星期六 【晴】

haha...

last night didnt come to blog...
hummm anyway, yesterday i go to school, taked the test, i got poass it...
so i dont need to take the english course le...
then i just plan to study a short course of hotel managenment.
anyway, schhol fees is more expensive.
hummmmm...

and then, we need to talk to school, telling them we change our mind.
anyway, i think all will be fine... blessing's always here with the faith in jesus=)

and then last night moved to aunt debie's home haha...
i've chated with darling last night, and we've talk too.
sweet huh.

anyway, missing home but still enjoy alot here.
i'd never cried lor, and dont feel like to cry haha!

i just wanna try to ve part-time job here...
coz... you know.... i cant just spend money with out any finacial help.
or let say, i need some support, the income... from working.
my aunt's helping me lor....

anyway, i'll start schooling next week, i'm a bit worried for the school fees.
but just a bit only.

by the way!
yesterday me, aunt and her mom ve been to the china town!
haha... and the down town too. nice... =)
and then today just now we went to the somewhere called.... haha i forgot!
i vent taken any pic yet... but few haha
coz it makes me look so fat ! so i dont wanna post them on... haha

darling wants me to be a real piggy, then i wont be snatched by others.
but actually i dont think i'd like to be a pig lor.
so ... i wont listen to him haha! and then i wont leave him so easy too.
just depends on him la... i ve no ideas lr... haha...

THANKS FOR SHEILA!!!
hahaha!!!
my address here is about uncle's offic,
you can post to the address i will given you, i guess.
sheila, i miss you sooooooooo much!!!!
^^

thx for jesus!
and i'm pretty well here!
thx for god! my dearest god !

>>April 30, 2005 at 11:40:32 PM GMT+8

2005 年 4 月 28 日 星期四 【晴】

hey...

last night we moved out, we went to debbie's home. haha...
last night i ve called daddy and ben already heehee~
sweet huh~
but actually, i'm a bit supprised, or too supprised.
ben asks me to marry him next year.
that's too supprised!
i's never expected that we'd get marry that fast.
he asks me if i dont like to marry him. that's not the problems on my willingness.
that's about my age and our status. you know... we're not that stable,
and we still vent knew each others well... by the way, i vent met his parents,
even my parents dont know who he's !
hummmm... haha... i'm just.... too supprised.

i dont know what happened to him lately...
but i guess, coz lately he faces too much problems, vert stressful,
so he wants someone to .... lean on? emotionally i mean.
hummmmmm....... he seems want me to stop my studies and career in the future.
but that's impossible for me. you know why.
and you know me, that's why.
and his business is not stable, he got the financial problems right...
then how could we plan marriage that fast?
i told him.... that i dont know... and the system that doesnt allow us to get marry yet.
we need lots of money when we get marry, coz i'm not the singapore citzen.
and... so, he has to use his idendity to apply the imigration to sg for me.
and that require plenty of money, and need a lot of approvenment.
i dont think one year after 'd be the nice time.
and how about my family? i couldnt just leave them after finishing the studies right?
he didnt think of that for me.
that's true that i'm so doubt and confuessed if i should ..... say yes to him.
i think he looks the problems too easy. and i dont like that.
he reacts worried for my life here, especially the love life.
he asks me if here any guys wanna date me. i say... i've just arrived for 3 days only.
haha... then he says... so how about later?
i guess... he really need me to be stable with him. that's what i wondered too.
but he didnt make that for me. he just put me at the wrong place again and again.
now, he's really changed! i could feel it!
feels like... he's worried. and try to push me... that becomes the presure for me.
actually that's real.
he's less of confidence now, not only on business but also in himself.
he's lossing... but i dont want it happens, or let say i dont like that.
what can i do?
i dont know how to encourage him...
but i'll try to.
and a little bit feels like... that's the babby cring to the mother ?
maybe i'm over reacted.
but i do feel something inside him.
i told him... if you feel alright, then it should be ok, just do it.
i hope... he'll be fine so soon.
and although i dont like this kind of man, i wont leave him that easily.
i dont want him give up himself or whatever.

and dont know how's everyone doing there?
haha
today, i ve lunch(chinese dim sum) with aunt's mom. wow...
it's really like my life in hongkong you know???
i m really hoping for the difference when my school started!
i wanna meet new friends, i wanna ... stay longer in the different culture.
and i've bought the medical insurance already. that's fp\or 3 months,
it's really expensive!
i think when my school get settled, then i'll find part-time job imediately.
otherise, i'll be really poor here. and i dont want that.
here's chinese food is alomst the same as hk. and the westurn food is really nice.

anyway, hope my darling'll be fine so soon....
i'll pray for him and everyone ;>
hee.

>>April 29, 2005 at 12:08:11 AM GMT+8

2005 年 4 月 27 日 星期三 【晴】

shit !

just now, this site didnt recoed what i typed!!!
oh dear, i 've to type again?????

i'm not gonna do it!

anyway, here's 7:01 pm already, and very nice sun shining.
i ve good days.
i've been to the libary and the biggest shopping mall here, called richmond center.
and ve the cool drinks, woman berry zone. nice and huge.
and then got the phone number already, very very expensive.
$10 cad for 33 mins only, that's really really mad, is it?
and i've bought the idd card already, then i can call ben tonight :)
anyway... i dont want to type already !

>>April 28, 2005 at 2:03:37 AM GMT+8