2005 年 9 月 7 日 星期三 【晴】

today, i found out someting, very important.
i 'm wondering if i should write it down here.
it's the story about my friend, and she always doesnt mind i'm writing about her in my diary.

my friend told me,
she is really sad and confused.
i want to know why, and i really dont understand what happened.
she doesnt want to tell me why, coz she thinks it's her personal problem with someone.
and the someone probably doesnt want her to tell others.
i ask her why. she said it's their own problems, should be only solved by themselves.

i feel so interesting... then i keep asking.
"why"
my friend used to tell me everything,
so... whenever she is happy or sad.. she shared with me.
i dont feel like to teach her what to do, or anything, i just want to be a listener...
at least let her feel better... and cheer her up.
she's a very honest person, i'd never ever supested on her.
so, we're very good friend, and she keeps living in my heart.
i know, she would have her own ideas, and she knows what to do for her best.
this is our friendship.

and then,
today... i knew something happened,
but she doesnt want to tell me what.
i'm worried for her.
it sounds like... she's no longer be able to use her way to release her emotion.
i encourage her to tell me what happened.
she refused.
but she said... she found out something.

then... i guess.... she has her reason.
as i know her for long,... i guess she's tring to protect someone behind,
or escaping something.
Something's happened, and she has sadness on her face.

i feel so sorry for her.
coz.... i cant help her, but i can feel her sadness confused.
the important thing i found is... sorry, i cant tell you here.

>>September 8, 2005 at 3:43:00 AM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 6 日 星期二 【晴】

today i go to the libary, and then the robson street,
and then i go home.
i found the dictionary in many other language. they're so funny.
and then i also find a book about the language in eygept long time ago.

that stranger, brian( if i didnt forget his name) called me,
buti rejected... said i m busy something like that.
and of course i didnt go to find that guy at chapter.
actually i did listen to my laogong. heehee
but of course i didnt complete my promise to that stranger.
i'm sorry, but i should listen to laogong.
and i think, for me i did trust him and gave him the money i can give,
i do that not for his conert ticket.
and i think i dont want to keep contact with him anymore so i didnt go there.
i was walking to robson street, passing by the chapter, but didnt walk in.

i'm sorry that bring worries to my darling and queenie.
but what i did is good, not bad =) right?

in my heart... truely...
although i m so weird,( from what queenie said)
i trust ppl too easily, i dont want to bring the worries to the ppl i love,
especially my darling.
and i should pay more attention on what i write here.
this is the secert for what happened on us today =)
and i will put it in my heart ^^.

the last thing i wanna say is...
please dont come and view my diary hahahaha...
few years ago... here's the sad place for me to write my bad days in sadness.
but it's changin everyday... by the love of god.
and now here is the great place for me =)
i dont mind to share with you, any of you.
coz it's really really the great place for me, in my life.
but please ,when you start reading it,
leave me some privacy, and then follow my rules :)
heeheee

1) be happy
2) respect me and the things happening with me
3) love my place
4) Dont judge on anything or anyone i've mentioned about.
5) feel the jesus love ^^ heehee

ok!
the last thing is....
thankyou, and You Do Make me better off =)

I Love my darling~~~
and i appricate him lots and lots~~~
thanks darling~~~~~ !!!! he's so thoughtfull heehee
i think i really choose the right man, the best one =)
thanks for god !!!
i've learn alot from Him and him.

>>September 7, 2005 at 5:33:38 AM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 5 日 星期一 【晴】

heeheee heee

just now watched a great movie!
"泡製女朋友"
my favourite actress, Vicky Chew. heehee

real love...
hahahaha

anyway, last night i slept around.... 4 30 am
then waked around 6 40 am.
then darling has left, i mean off line already.
just 5 mins before iwaked.
hahaha

write back soon.
waiting for aunt's back.

***
2nd part-

now is already 11 53 pm
wah...
today, i was chating with darling on line.
wah wah wah... we've talk about marriage again.
sigh.... long story with long answer.
actually... i dont know why i'm this kind of person.
why i always ask questions? why i like asking and asking?
by the way....
i've talk with queenie. thanks for her advice... haha good.
i'm who i am.... sigh...
i always think he should understand me more... but how much i understand him?
am i really faitful in him? i mean... if i really trust him all?
hummmmm i should, but i'm sorry that i didnt.

he reminded me lots of things actually... everytime i tell him about my stuffs here or hk,
then he adviced me lots... but i just ignored him hahaha...
or... i take his advice sometimes.
hummm i also dont know why i didnt give all the trust at all.
i always feel quite hard to communicate with him, not the problems by age or what...
but just .. dont know what's that.
but day by day... i think it's getting better now.
and then...

he's quite " xong" today...
he asked me ... " can you stop worrying?" something like that and then blah blah blah...
i worried too much?
i want something more positive, like the encourage , or supporting things
more than this kind of negative things... =(

i wanna talk to him, coz i want to let him know i ve problems with my plan...
i ask him when he will marry me, coz i really need to know actually...
coz i'm going to plan for the coming year's goal.
he's my darling, of course he's part of my life, and i would listen to his advice or whatever.
you know... if i dont plan before i do something, that should be some great creating job!
but i dont want my coming years being my own personal great creation...
the coming yers would be my most important path about my dreams.
after these years... i might probably getting stable in singapore with my husban.
i'm not asking for earning lots of money... but just to achieve my dream.
after that... i dont know, but now... mostly important ting is to back and...
do my stuffs in these 3 years. then i will take the interview... and see what will happen.
if i just need to be "mentaly ready" to marry to him, it's much easlier for me.
but if i also need to support my future home at singaore,
i really dont know what to do with that.
it'snt that i dont want, but i really dont ve any ideas what i can do over there.
of course i can do something great, but just cant see anything right now.

actually everything would be fine only if i can stay with him.
he's right, and he knows why we'd like to get marry to each others.
it's our secert for me.
i ve the same thought as he has.
i think this is the most important thing...

anyway,
i ve told queenie, too...
aout.... my feeling on my relationship with darling...
i think... there 's only few degrees between a guy friend and boyfriend.
i can have lots of choices, or someone i really feel happy, funny to be with,
bt i'd never be able to get the same feelings,
as with my darling, when i get along with any of them.
i love the one i love, and 'd never changed.

actually i really appricate him, and i admire him a lot too =P
that's what i found very very hard on him... and all of them comes up with time.
i love him, and increasing more and more by time ^^ heehee
i'm so lucky =)
thankyou jesus. ^^
thankyou darling....
for him, i wont go to meet that friends (from chapters)
but tomorrow i would go to the libary, and then maybe will go to chapters, too.
at least... i walk my promise.

anyway,
just now i watched tv, i know hk disney land would be grand opening sooooo sooon!!!
congraudation !!!!! ^^ hahaha!
and then i really hope to pay for my family to go there together!
i promise that i would pay for them =)
maybe after i got my job, then i ve to save up money, right?
yea~

for the job within one year...
my first thing to do is to consumer a lap top.
and then sec, is to go to singapore......
and then the third this is go to disney land with my family =) heehee
we've been sooooo long vent go travel together! and i really hope to invite my parents
to go with me, and of course m two cute sisters!
i ve to finish those within 2 years, coz... you know why.
and i hope to bring them to disney land within these two years.

within these coming 3 years,
i ve to finish my bechlor degree, and then take that in flight course.
i ve to complete my korean language studies as well.
and of course... i will work.
but you know the problem is... the bechlor, since i start, i cant stop.
and then the diplorma for the in flight course... same...
and then just be avaliable at oct and feb.
they re both the full time course... so....
so... this is my problem here.
i want to get marry within 5 years. so....
plx pray for me =) haha
coz sounds like doing something really hard... but nothing is hard in jesus.
i dont know... but i 'll try my best =)

nightnight.

>>September 6, 2005 at 7:28:49 AM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 4 日 星期日 【晴】

愛很簡單

忘了是怎麼開始
也許就是對你一種感覺
忽然間發現自己
以深深愛上你 真的很簡單
愛的地暗天黑都已無所謂
是是非非無法決擇
沒有後悔 為愛日也去跟隨
那個瘋狂的人是我 喔

I LOVE YOU 無法不愛你 BABY 說你也愛我
I LOVE YOU 永遠不願意 BABY 失去你

不可能更快樂 只要能在一起 做什麼都可以
雖然世界變個不停 用最真誠的心 讓愛變得簡單

I LOVE YOU 我一直在這裡 一直在愛你
I LOVE YOU ( YES I DO )
永遠都不放棄 這愛的權利
如果你還有一些困惑 OH NO 請貼¨我的心傾聽
聽我說¨愛你 ( YES I DO) 我愛你

>>September 5, 2005 at 8:38:14 AM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 4 日 星期日 【晴】

well well well...

quite boring,
but free, so free today.
coz aunt's not here.

today...
i stayed at home in the morning,
ive soy milk with toast for breakfast... i waked too early today =S
and then i boiled lots of vegetable for myself, for lunch...
and then heehee...
i ve 1/4 BLT ( bagle with bacon and vegetable, mcdona'ds breakfast)
yeah~~ =P

then after that...
i go out by myself~~~ yeah~ finally i got a key today, for one day only...
but still muich better than nothing.

i went to granvil station, then... to the book store,
my favourite book store-- chapters.
you know what..... i noticed that today libary is off,
coz today is the labour day of canada.
so i go to the book store... and i 've checked out some new books,
so funny, i ws reading something about horoscope and a lot of funny books !
of course i cant finish them... i just glanzed on a few chapters,
actually i planed to ve a coffe ...( just alone)
coz... what the bad weather lately... cloudy, raining... so...
i really wanna ve a coffe, especially today is like a day off for me
;>

and then... strange things happened.
firstly... there was a man walking towards me... i didnt notice that,
coz the book store is huge and i dont really care who walks near to me.
then he started talking to me... haha... i think he's quie friendly, so i didnt... you know..
he knows i was reading a horoscope book, he said good luck to me, very friendly.
then i say thanks and smile... very normal, right?
(especially for me... always big smile, right?)
but i move a bit... coz i dont feel comfortable at all, (chinese style)
then... i moved to another shelfs... i continous my rading on other books, funny books.
and then he comes and talk again... ask me few questions,
oh... i dont really remember what he asks
coz... i'd never paid attention at all...... i just think he's the typical canadian, very friendly...
too friendly maybe... ? not really, he's fine.
then i reply shortly...
then... i moved again, coz i really dont wanna start the conversation...
you know, i was alone, not with alesja anymore.
then... i went into the vcd part... i thought it's over.
he comes! i dont know why~!
then he really ask me if i want to ve a coffe or go somewhere..
well.... maybe... i was rejecting him... but sounds so weird...
coz here's culture is very friendly... but just i dont feel so good with a too active man.
then... he started asking more... like what kind of movie i like,
where am i from... want to go somewhere with me... "eee?....erh....?"
that's what in my mind floating up.... (question marksss)
then... i tried to reply shortly and moved again... but he 's quite talkative.
hahaha... then finally ok... let's talk then.
we chat for a few mins, then... he ask for my number, i gave him,
then maybe someday he'd call me, i'm not sure.
but absulotely he's not my type... he's a bit old, really... maybe around 35 - 40?
oh gosh... he's really too friendly, and scared me.
then... again..... i 'm not looking for other man =)

then i fast finished this conversation, i moved to the third floor.
then... when i was looking for fun book, an other man comes.
why today castor got so many problems with stranger huh?
then... this time i was not very scared...
hummmm he's a musican, staying here for jobs, playing piano for the operas.
for me... i dont care if he's cheating... coz just another normal chating .
but... he suggests to ve a coffe or somewhere this time... ok.. .fine...
coz i really wanna know what he's talking about with his logic.
you know guys, i'm the super curious person =.=...
but we didnt go coffe, just go to the english bay.
walking from robson to english bay.
hummmmmmmm..... i think he's weird, too...
maybe coz he's an art performance telanted?
Or actually, he's an Alien.
but fine... he said he would give me his performance ticket.
actually i was like.... " no big deal".
sounds like he's playing the "telling game" with me.
he doesnt need to tell the truth , something like that.
but i dont care... coz maybe he's true and i dont think he would harm me.
or let say... " be able to harm me"
well... when we were sitting at english bay, i didnt reall are what he says to me.
then... he asked if i could borrow him some money for food,
coz his card got stucked by the machine.
Okay, what do you think now?
3
2
1
yes, i gave him.
but only $ 5 dollars.
actually $ 5, for me it's not a cheap deal... coz i an have a fleit o fish combo.
or bubble tea with friend, coffe with friend, or if i pay 2 or3 more bucks,
i could ve sushi for dinner or lunch.
but... i think... if he's a cheater, why he need to cheat on me?
i think he really need money... and i'm not the judge... so i cant say he's guilty or not.
i just hope he wouldnt do that anymore.
for me... eat less then can help others... it's fine, really fine for me.
so i just gave him.

by the way,
today morning, i chated with darling on line, hohohoho.
then come back, he's here again heeheeeheeeee.
darling doesnt allow me to do this kind of things again.
he doesnt allow me to talk with strangers, and i cant go to meet those two guys.
or take the concert ticket or take back my money.
anywya... of course i listen to my darling =)
heehee

he's on line now... very busy...
aiyo~~~
and then i'm also chating with him.
sweet... but hope he'd be fine...
i love him.

at night, i ve vegetable, an egg, boiled by myself...and
a very very very bit rice ( from few days ago),
one small cookie( coz i was too hungry during cooking)
and then,..... after bath, i was watching harry potter!!! hahaha~~~~ i had snacks heehee
(ast night i had left the ittle sweet soup, and some good biscults)

just now, mom called...
haha... actually i will ty to make the flight earlier.
=)

write back later...

>>September 5, 2005 at 7:39:46 AM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 3 日 星期六 【晴】

just waked up...

yesterday was fine... we went to crescent beach, what a great place,
and theni had fish&chips for lunch... good.(2.5, 2.5)
i had bread with soymilk (light servings : 1, 1)
and then, ve a bit bagle and one banana (1,2)
then at late night, i had rice and water melon (2, .5)
total is too much !

dont ask me what happened yesterday...
i dont want to talk about that... coz that is terrible actually.
but our " pinic" was really great... thanks for them!
i really ve a new friend now, he is chyeon.

anyway,
yesterday srling was on line...
we talk for a few mins.
good... not bad.....

>>September 3, 2005 at 4:57:38 PM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 1 日 星期四 【晴】

last night.... very very late to sleep... maybe around 4 am,
then i waked at 9 30 am.
fine...

today i was busy on searching information for my further studies...
i'm thinking of the bechlor degree, the korean language class,
the in flight cours deplorma.
and then i wanna work... maybe part time or full time.
you know what... i hate sitting at the office for paper work.... sigh....
i dont know what to do now.......

just now, i checked on the internet.
cathay pacific will ve the walk in interview on 4th sep.
i should back home earlier !!!!
you know... all the course start on sep or oct. i just miss all the chances.
like the in flight course start on oct. sigh.....
korean class start on sep, bechlor... should be on sep.
why castor go home so late?
or... jesus wants me to go home later?
i dont know....
and then... ... ... ...
i really ve to pray hard, coz i'm really lost in my future... aiya~~~~
so confusing...

i ve to be patient, right? i'm still young, right?
sigh~~~ so confusing life isnt it? hahahaha!!!
=.=

hummmmm
i'm still planing what to do...

last night was the 1st sep in hk/ sg,
but darling was too busy... we didnt talk ? haha... just for 1 or 2 mins,
well better than nothing~

god bless~~~
and then...
jesus, plx tell me what to do next...plx plx plx...
and i'm also tring to make my flight earlier.

>>September 1, 2005 at 9:37:29 PM GMT+8

2005 年 8 月 31 日 星期三 【晴】

today is very tired...
nothing special... ...
but tonight i made chicken wings =) hee so nice !!!!!
and today morning, ive chated with alesja on line.
last night, i've talk with darling ^^ hee
i really hope he would be fine...

everything is fine.
and today is 1st Sep in hk, and sg.

today of the last year.... i was in star room, mcdonald's.
heehee... school started soon, but i was working.
that morning, only me was on duty, hahaha...
then darling called me,.... ... coz i said he's not sincere enough just by sms
to ask me if i would be his girlfriend.
haha i ve asked to him think twice if he wants me... haha...
then he called me... and we had the great and funny conversation hahaha...
and then... i say " i do " =)
haha ^^

one year la~~
^^
thanks for god actually....
long time, long blessing, love is long lasting from jesus...
jesus teach me what's love and how to love... of course i'm still learning now...
but really ve to give thanks to jesus,
otherwise... nothing would be fine without the blessing from jesus.

secondly... deeply thanks darling... to love me.
and thanks for all friends ;>
thanks for my family... didnt object us yes hahaha...

thanks~
and lastly...
I LOVE YOU LAOGONG !
=) my benny.


**
yesterday...
i went to meet up susumu and mi hyeon,
then mi hyeon bring her friends come...
we went to stadium station, to watch moive... actually a bit boring...
and then we went back to granvil... we had coffe at blenz coffe.
well well well... we had great time =)
coz i met new korean friend again~~ he's nice.
hummmm then we ve lots of disscussion..... hahaha! so funny !!!
we seat forso long... 3 hrs... too much...
maybe friday we would go beach all together... but if it's raining, susumu and me wont go =P
susumu will move out tomorrow( 1 st Sep here)
hummm!!! congraduation!
haha... anyway, yesterday was fine =) but i drink coffe... so i couldnt sleep last night...
tonight aunt's out again, she'll be back around 3 am +++
so.... i'm soooo free now haha
but i cant talk on phone with darling =(
just now i've called him before my aunt's out...
but call for more than 6-7 mins for connecting the server, "Ah C...." ( korean slang)
and then... he was too busy... i guess, coz there were the lunch time,
must be very very busy !
i really reallu miss him so much !!!
and i 've posted him the double registered mail long time ago...
really dont know if he got that or not !!!! (shit)
so i've e-mailed him the e-card =)
i know he's so busy... last night, i talk with him on phone, so sweet...
and i know he doesnt remember our anniversary date... i was not dissapionted...
coz i've already known he'd forgot that.
i just wish him well... coz he got headache now. =(
and then....... he's always late to home for ot, and many stuffs re surounding him...
oh... my pooor darling...
anyway, i miss him soooo much~

>>September 1, 2005 at 6:34:28 AM GMT+8

2005 年 8 月 30 日 星期二 【晴】

last night can sleep :S
the mosquito..... sigh....

actually...

few days before, i went to pil's home,
for korean class and learn how to cook ddok pop kae.
haha..

then yesterday i was angry, so i didnt go anywhere, just follow my aunt,
she went to richmond center, then i go ther too, coz i post chris a card.
and then,... we walk for 2.5 hrs... like exercise.
then, we went to buy fried chicken, in churches. i forgot the name spelling..
and then back to home, watched "the day after tomorrow" and eat fried chicken
then, tidy up the vcdsss, and then watch tv,
they eat dinner, i didnt eat... coz i was still full.
i go to bath, then... me and aunt went to super store.. hee
and then come back...

i've called angeline, coz i 'm worried for her... so long havent contacted her...
then augustus, haha... his voices is so young. he might have the project next year,
maybe... will stay in viatnam for a quite long time.
and then of course i've called queenie, coz i really wanna give her a call.
we chat, kidding... haha funny.
when i go back, then... "去星巴克釣魚" i mean, she and me...
then actually i want to call jackie and shan... sigh... cant call...
aunt's in need (with the phone)
and then... i dont want to be angry at him my man,... so...
the last call, i gave to darling.

funny that, the first time, he asked me to hold on in stead of hang up.
woooooo.... then i listened what his customer said... hahaha... so funny.
and then again, opppsss... ok... the connection was blocked.
then i called again,
and then he picked up so fast?
coz sometimes he doesnt take it, or... if i called twice, he would.
anyway, i told him i'm angry at him, and then everything...
i was angry so i think i s not very poliet. then i suggest him the pre paid card, so...
he can use the local air time, right? heehee
then he's suprised... ^^ hahaha
and then this idea actually is from him, but he forgot already... haha
anyway... he's cute.
and i'm not angry now =)

i remember wha i told queenie,
that was my real feelings, too.
but, very strange that... my heart is still towards him.
maybe.... coz it's my consious to make everything's still going on...
i dont know how to say... but since i'm happy, he's happy... then... i 'd let it be the lesson,
just move on, and stay with him.

anyway,
later, i will go downtown with susumu and mi hyeon!
=P

nice day.

>>August 30, 2005 at 7:12:58 PM GMT+8

2005 年 8 月 29 日 星期一 【晴】

如果有人明白發生了什麼事咁就好.

我....... 好無奈.

>>August 29, 2005 at 11:33:28 PM GMT+8