hummm,
today i waked up late...
coz last night i got the stormache..... so pain >.<
then,... i waked and went to ma on shan wih parents =)
have lunch (dim sum) with grandpa heehee
after that, mom and me went to sha tin to change the t-shirt.
but when we got there, i tried the medium size...
then finally :) heehee dont need to change lor~ hahaha
i can keep the small size ^^ v ~yeah
and then,
just now i was chating with ade,
then,.... hahahaha..... she said the orange ashlee as my msn dis play pic
looks like me. then she asked if she was me hahahaha
i'm not her ^^ but i'm happy, coz she's so pretty, rock but sessy, too.
just a very stylish girl in my mind *.*
although she's not like hilary that sweet =)
SHARING MY MEMORRY
anyway,
last night, sudenly, i thought of robson street, metro town, and then the downtown libary.
hummm i really miss them alot, all the lovely places...
like when i got off the bus 98, at granvil station, then... i would walk to the libary,
or to london drugs to meet my friends, my buddies, arrhhhh~~~~ ><
and then... i will go to robson to ve bubble tea... or just hang around.
then one time alesja and me went to north van, hummm taking sea bus,
go to market, very nice memorry...
then i also remember i lived with aunt, then when i go to school,
i'd take 403 or 402, or just 98 . then i'd listen to my favourite songs, korean songs...
yea then every day i take the bus, and see the same ppl on bus.
and then... from the bridge to van, to boardway to downtown....
schooldays re very busy, but nice...
i'd like to ve tim horton's donuts, timbits or cookies...
then sometimes i'd buy hot dark chocolate from blenz coffe.
and then i'll buy coffe sometimes, or mcdonald's...
and then... i was like quite stylish at school, although yui is very stylish hahaha
hummm then we all had great time.
i remember the class, with lisa.
hummm that all re great. the school trips, the activities, all the stuffs... parties, drinking...
dinner, birthday, all the stuffs, fire work, everything...
i just miss all of them so much...
then...
i remember at the last few weeks, i met vic, then last 2 weeks, i met ade and cyn.
then i remember how nice they treat me hahaha...
and also the nights we four were together.
i remember... we slept together and bully ade hahaha,..
and i knew i was crying very hard at night... then... it's scared to vic.
and then,...... i remember what they do with me, and then we also play together, cook...
and then ade and me went to save way at night... then... also... remember
one night we had dinner at somekindda pasta, and then...
one time i go over to ade cyn's home... then we played and played and we watched vcd...
then ade cooked hahaha, then... the last two day, i went to ade's home again.
then at night she sent me to the bus stop... the road was very beautiful and romantic.
and then i also remember vic and ade came over aunt's home,
they packed up my luggage for me. if i dont ve them, i wont know what to do..
also at the airport... my lugguage has to be devieded into 2 pieces.
then ade and vi did that for me.
coz i totally didnt know how to make it.
and then lots lots lots of things...
the song, i'll never forget.
everytime i listen to it, it feels like i'm still there,
riding from richmond to van or from van to richmond...
i'm always there.
all of the sudden, i just wanna say...
i really miss them,ppl or places or stuffs, very much.
that's my memorry.
thanks to god.
i really want to give the *Huggsss* to my my dearest friends and all the ppl i know there.
Thanks to everyone who i've seen at there. it's you guys complete my dream.
and then, mostly thanks to god. coz,... "no Him, no me."
sometimes, i ve lots of things in my mind, but i'd never able to tell.
i want to do lots of things, but i cant tell.
i'm thinking of something, someone, but i couldnt tell.
i'll never gonna miss the chance for saying...
coz ... i just couldnt tell.
it's quite different from my past, coz i used to talk alot.
i was very worried for not telling by the moment i want.
but now, i feel like, sometimes, if i dont tell... it'll be better.
opps..
i wrote alot today =)
***
last night i watched "Nip Tuk"
then the doctor, christian said... he felt like deadly inside.
he lost his son, which is not bloodly related to him.
but he felt like deadly inside, coz it's alost for him.
i wonder why this kind of man, as in the damn buster, would feel that pain for losing "a son"
he hang around girls. have sex with women, then... the woman got pregant, then...
she said the baby was his, then, he was super happy. then finally comes out
the baby was blck. he and that woman re white. whatever... he was the super great dad.
go around then back, the real father appears and take away the son from him,
then he felt dead... i remember since the baby born, he was shocked the son is not his,
but he said...
[before "the baby" borned, he's already protecting him till he's borned, so the baby is his]
and now...
[the baby is taken away from his hand by a stranger. he was giving his son to a stranger]
look....
he still has the human instincts. he still can feel hurt from his true heart.
i was very touched by his words.
wish me have good sleep tonight.
***
>>November 16, 2005 at 12:25:46 PM GMT+8
2005 年 11 月 14 日 星期一 【晴】
How Sexy Is Your Style?
See More Quizzes
Email this pageThe Ultimate Hair
Dare Quiz [quiz]
Does Your Morning
Routine Need a... [quiz]
You are one sexy siren!
Look out, Angelina Jolie -- there's a new foxy lady in town! Your style says,
"I am woman, hear me purrrrrr," but you know just where to draw the line so you don't
cross over into trashy. Black is your best friend, but you love red too because
it brings out the devil in you. Your favorite designers tend to be
Dolce and Gabbana and Jimmy Choo, but you have a knack for making even
a simple Banana Republic skirt look oh so naughty.
Angelina Jolie:
With her gorgeous eyes and sensuous mouth, Oscar winner Angelina Jolie
may have been voted sexiest woman alive, but we love her because
she changes her look, she takes risks, she's a single mom and she has tattoos.
Here, some of Angelina's looks -- and risks -- follow.
funny article from a site hahaha..
********
hummmm
anyway, i just ve one thing to say for today:
that is i decide to be brave facing to my relationship.
if i know i still love the person, i wont give up so easlily.
like now.
i think this is the lesson i learnt from the past one year++.
thanks for jesus, i know what to do now =)
no matter how it turns to be, i'll be smile with no regret.
friends, dont need to ask me what's my answer.
coz the most ppl need to know my ans is myself and the person involved.
if i want to tell, then i'll come talk to you =) but not here.
the way is not lonely although it's hard.
coz i know i'm not alone.
jesus is with me.
>>November 15, 2005 at 6:54:39 AM GMT+8
2005 年 11 月 13 日 星期日 【晴】
Dont Talk, Just Watch =)
wah.... ashlee is soooo pretty.
and then now, she dye her hair again... no more black.
i think she 's better hold black color =P
actually i like her voice more than hilary duff.
although hilary is very sweet, but her rock style is just not better than ashlee.
dont know how to say... i like hilary, she's very very sweet, and her song is ok.
but i think ashlee's voice is better than hilary.
ashlee~~~~ ! hummm both of them release the new album...
i guess i will buy ashlee's one...
i heard the songs from hilary's site, not so good but fine.
but ashlee's is better.
***
come back to my life...
i might go out later.
i'm not sure yet.
yesterday i bought my t shirts all in small size.
i didnt know she gave me all in small size.
hummmm i'm thinking that if i should change to medium.
i like them tight, but... it's like... the style is not suppose to be that tight ?
but i like small more than medium...
si i dont know =(
hummm mom said the size is too small.
but i think it's good looking.
anyway, i'll exercise.
coz long time havent exercise.
i'll go jogging later =)
hope to .... burn off a bit.
then... yea... coz every hk girl is that slim, then i'm fat.
dad's back last night.
then he said... uncle asked me to control my weight, otherwise my shape would become
"like a bomb".
wahhhhh ! sooooo mean ar~~@@
but i know i'm not a "bomb".
chay~ i know my cousin is slim, but her figure doesnt look really good what.
although i'm fat, i still look better than her.
i shouldnt be that mean too =P coz actually she's quite skinny, otherwise...
it's like i'm jealous or envy her very skinny firgure.
i'm not what. i think girl shouldnt be too skinny =)
let's wait and see.
next time when they see me, they'll see a pretty giel in front of them =)
ho ho ho~
last night, chated with ade, there were some misunderstanding...
now, it's okay. anyway, wish her well =)
and then, cyn also.... hummm i just think.... actually temptation is all around.
wish you guys all the best ! ;>
go clear everything...
it's better. ... much better.
okay,
then i think i should tidy up my room, too =)
i think "exercise" and "tidy up" re my two main goals in the coming weeks.
i ve to make my room done before..... leggy's birthday =P
her birthday's coming soon, 26th Nov.
after lunch at home,
then i went to sha tin with miki.
i'm so tired now.... and then i'm quite sad and shocked with my friend's life.
hummm by the way,
today, i ve bought 3 t-shirts at "weekendworkshop".
hummm nice... coz... we buy 4 items, then we got 50% off.
miki bought one, coz of her pinic on the monday after next week.
yea... i was supposed to accompany her shopping... i dont feel like to shop actually.
but coz she has to buy the t-shirt quite expensive for her, then... yea i buy 3.
so, totally... we pay $300 hkd for 4 items, quite reasonable now hahaha...
coz... 50% off. otherwise it'll be quite expensive.
i used to or actually i like to buy clothes at there, so actually i wanna apply for the vip card.
but... it's not very necc also.
coz they always ve disscount, and then everytime i buy 3 or 4 items, i dont even need
the vip disscount, right =)
hee.
miki said i'm different... ...hummm i talk less than the past.
then my food choice is different and etc.... yea... that's the big difference i found on myself, too.
i just dont like to talk that much, and i dont like to express my feelings.
i know i used to tell everything, the emotions, confusion and thinking.
and i wish you guys ( who's here reading my diary) to understand that....
acually, i would want more privacy, and i just need it.
i just dont want to write eveything, or something happening around me.
like my relationship, or some other stuffs.
that's why... i dont really contact ppl since i'm back or... i didnt write diary for 2 weeks after back.
hummm yea, i try the ice tea from "defrance" today... hummm it's fine...
and then i've bought the sweet, pencil and chocolate for ade.
i've recieved her package yesterday. i was so happy =)
thanyou ade ~
and then... hummmm i'm not very happy today by the moment... just now.
coz i've known something happening with my friend.
i dont want to tell my friend's name here...
my friend loves me so much and i do that too... okay....
* (let's say that's " the concern"
* dont ask me as friendship or not, you dont need to know, and i dont want to tell )
but what she's doing now or what she's gonna do is just..... hard to accept.
it's kind of painful thing to know about.
well, wish you well my friend.
hummmm... i shouldnot be that " talkative" at public.
it's always welcome for any comments or concern from any of you guys.
but plx respect my limit and respect my role being.
goodnight everyone, have a nice sleep.
i'm tired now ~~ yawn~~~
=)
***
i'm sorry to being rude or cold to my friends.
since something is changed naturaly, i'd like to strive for it....
i think it's the normal change by different stages of life.
>>November 13, 2005 at 12:37:20 PM GMT+8
2005 年 11 月 11 日 星期五 【晴】
today, very very early in the morning,
then got the called from aunt ping.
i've known the bad news from grandpa.
i wish him all the best here.
daddy is there now i think... then also other aunts or uncles re there.
hummm i'm a bit worried for them, and then for benny's dad.
sigh whatever.
today i might go out later, i m not sure.
tomorrow i will go sha tin with miki.
yesterday, ince talk with me again,
i felt like.... i dont know what to do.
but finally i rejected him.
i dont want to wate his time anymore.
i dont even know how to handle my own stuffs.
whatever he does now, is just nothing for me honestly.
he has such much girls around him, then he doesnt need to waste his time on me.
i had rejected not for one time... and one more time then one more,
what's the meaning of it ?
aiya, dont want to talk about that.
it just distance me from my real life.
see what's happening here with me now?
sigh... castor...
do you really belong to hk huh?
you're not attractive at your home town what.
then you got .... sigh.... stop. enough.
by the way, say hi to Hak Gon and Ade =)
"Hello"
>>November 12, 2005 at 6:41:42 AM GMT+8
2005 年 11 月 10 日 星期四 【晴】
yesterday, i was chating on line with ade and cyn.
then,... i got the call from tung, then i went to the bus stop, the one for E41 at tai po tau.
well... tung told me that yesterday was the sport day of LSC.
there were two days of the sport day event... then yesterday was the last day.
actually i know...
coz on my interview day, just the day before yesterday,
i was at the same bus stop at the morning , just outside there,
then... i saw lots of lsc students were there ^^
but i ve to catch on the bus, E41, so i couldnt go in.
yea... then... i saw them, i felt so happy, and then...
i've heard about... the student's result re fine... then i feel very glad about that.
coz some of the students now re F.6.... then, when i was in school,
i was the prefect hummm,.... i knew lots of them re very good...
and then now, they get into F.6 or much better development, i 'm sooo happy for them!
^^
i've talk with my teachers, and some of my old friends...
i've seen pky, water, billy, tung and one guy i dont know his name... haha
tung, billy and the guy joint the 4x 100. hahahaha...
they win every years !!! yeah ~~~!
i remember about 4D and 5D.... our memory was so nice =)
i miss my school life , hee.
anyway,
i've just changed the background, title... or actually is everything in my place now,
i feel more peaceful, and comfortable.
you know,....
nothing.
okay...
=)
by the way, ade said that ve to put all pieces of the entry in differen catagories.
hahaha
i guess... it's nice =)
so i might do that, too hee.
hummm...
ok...
hope to ve a nice day.
>>November 11, 2005 at 4:24:19 AM GMT+8
2005 年 11 月 9 日 星期三 【晴】
>>November 10, 2005 at 12:28:40 PM GMT+8
2005 年 11 月 7 日 星期一 【晴】
hello castor.
castor feets are hurt, because of her shoses.
and her skin are so dry, just worse since she's back.
Castor told me,...... her last night at vancouver was so great and then quite romantic.
she was supprised and touched by her friends.
the last day was sad.
because she cried.
she had problems when she arrived the airport.
Finally, lucky that her friends were there for help by that moment.
They huged, and then she left.
She told me that, on the flight she was very lonely, and then very empty......
but she was too tired from life, she need to sleep.
when she was in in cheon airport, soeul, she walked around.
at that time, she was like already left the place, the people she missed.
She was ready to be home again, although she was still living at that place.
So strange that, Castor feels so warm to be home, however she is empty.
After back, She looked for the life which belongs to the past in vancouver.
she find nothing.
Lately, she told me she worked hard on her resume,
and then she has already failed in one interview.
She would have another one on tomorrow, wish her luck.
when i asked about her relationship, she just asked me to not to ask.
i wondered what is happening or if their relationship end up.
She's strange, it's like she is changed.
She doesnt like to talk too much, and she sounds doesnt like her friends to contact her.
she was loud, talked alot, laughed alot. Now, she is not.
I asked her if she was sad, she said no.
who can help her?
no one except herself.
but the clue is ...... i think i couldnot and should'nt tell.
>>November 8, 2005 at 10:55:36 AM GMT+8
2005 年 10 月 21 日 星期五 【晴】
the night time of today is my arrival day.
last night, yesterday i was with my friends, ade, cyn and vic.
i went to ubc, sit in ade's class. nice =)
then we went back home and ve mcdonald's.
then we went to main street, but the science center is closed already.
we went to gas town... so beautiful night...
and then we went to art mum.
hummmm nice nice....
then we went to ve dinner with cyn and vic at a e.s. restuarent, called trotica.
then........ we hang out together...
then.... we went back home.
ade helped me to pack up all the stuffs....
we slept all together... vic me and ade.
i waked already....
damn tired...
SIGH.....
i'm leaving after a few hrs...
cant believe that really happen on me now...
i'll miss them sooooo much...
SIGH...
he'snt connected yet.
i guess we're over already ?...
>>October 21, 2005 at 4:42:04 PM GMT+8
2005 年 10 月 19 日 星期三 【暴雨】
today i m really tired...
finally got back my lugguage.
fine... i was packing up my stuffs.
hummmm today i woke up so late,
then i run to richmond center to take the 430 to metro town.
then i take sky train to vic's home... then pack up all my leftover, haha...
i miss her, and i miss her home, i miss her concerns, i miss her cooking,
i miss the days and nights with her,
i miss the nights we four were together.
we were so happy and also so sad together.
They helped me alot..... to get over something sad and then tell me i'm the person they like.
thanks for jesus.
although i'm the youngest one in four.
i dont feel like they're my big sisters. but good friend =)
i really miss them alot....
i didnt leave yet, but i start missing them already...
it's like... i know them for long already... feel so warm.
when i was crying deadly... when i was so confused,
then they were here with me...
it's the blessing from jesus =)
thanks jesus.
and then...
today then after the later lunch at vic's home...
then we went to metro town,
then after that... i went back to vic's home to pick up my stuffssss...
then i went to ade and cyn's home.
=) i went there by myself.
how to say...
so romantic trip.
the lights re so nice, and then.... although outside is raining, i feel so nice.
i was soooo tired... but i enjoy alot...
and then actually... i really miss ade and cyn.
and then i mi ss their house, too.
then...i just go over lor... coz really not much time for me already, right?
i really miss them alot and alot...
sigh.... i know i'm gonna miss them alot...
after a few years, vic and cyn would be back to sg,
but ade'll stay here for long long long...
then i got no chances to meet ade in sg ='(
feel so sad about that...
coz i 'll miss her so much.
vic will always come to hk, so... it's easy for us to meet up...
cyn is still a bit far from me, but i 'll miss her sooooo much...
but still ok... coz i will always go to sg? hummm i quite love sg, this place...
even though we'll break up, i still will go over there.
someday i might live at there, too.
anyway,
i vent contacted him for such days already...
dont know how he is now.
but... last night i cried quite hard.....
i've the worst preparation for breaking up, although he says he's not looking forward it.
for me,... if we really break up... i would know i'm not as good as he wants,
i know it actually... i feel like he need someone more mature than me.
someone could have that kind of patient, but not me...
i'll try to learn from this time... then i'm not gonna change myself into his way again.
sounds like suddenly ... i lost something very important in my life...
i lost the one i love the most in the world...
but as my friends say........ i'm not the loser but he.
i just loose someone doesnt like me, but he loose the one loves him so much.
actually, i dont think love is measurable.
no matter what.... i still lost him.
but fine..... i think... if i continoue,.......i guess things wouldnt change to be better.
maybe benny would blame on me like why why why...
or you shouldnt ... you should... balh blah blah?
yea... i'm not faithful enough, i'm so naive, i'm very demanding also.
i'm so troublesome, i dont respect him, i just keep bothering him, i 'm not confident enough,
i'm so stupid, so stubborn, i 'm not understanding, i'm not thoughtful,
i keep doing things he doesnt like, i hang out with guys, i cook at guys' home,
i dont treasure his concerns, i dont treasure the time we could communicate but bull shit alot.
i asked too much, i know too much, i keep knowing something he doesnt want me to know,
i'm too curious, i'm too smart, i 'm not there with him, i dont get his signals,
i just dont deserve his love.
that's why... he choose to aviod me....
i mean... he doesnt want to share his life with me now.
he doesnt take my calls, he doesnt contact me, he doesnt tell me about his life,....
so... i'm not the girl he would like anymore.
then he should have someone better than me.
i'm so sorry for this....
i was just.... wasting his time.
i hope that he would realize that if he wants to break up with me, then i'll be ok.
my friend, ade, was very angry at his behaviours,.....
i was very upset about them also.... but now.... i think....
i should let him go.... let him do whatever he wants...
accept that we couldnt be together along.
i'm not the future mrs. chew for him now and forever will be.
i know i'm still very young.... i might regret for the decision i make today...
but i just want a happier life...
i am very very lucky with him in the past year...
i love him much more than i know i see.
but the fact is...... he choose his own way already.
he shows me very clear that..... he feels so right for himself.....
and then... i'll be the one keep struggling in.
but who knows someday there'll be a better girl for him at there?
by that moment... all the feelings would have faded out already.... then what should he do?
i dont want to make things worse... if now, he already has another girl, fine...
and then if now, he doesnt has, but.... it doesnt mean i'm the one he'd like.
now, the problem is we couldnt communicate along.
if we take the long break now...
then we would know actually no matter how great love we have.........
we couldnt make it work....
and then someday, we would ve some ppl more suitable for us.
the ppl cant replace him in my heart,
but it doesnt mean we couldnt move on , develope another relationship with others.
i think he can...
he told me... i'm the one to make him step out from his past.
if we decided to break up, then he would have moved back to his darkness.
i loved him sooo much, much more than i know about..........
when i heard what he said... i was shocked...
but,... now........ i think he's already recovered..... then.... he doesnt need me anymore.
or actually i mean nothing to him from the begining till the end.
i just need someone who can communicate with me, who appricate me truely,
who can make the sharing with me.
all is based on love.
he loves me and he knows what i want, but he just refuses to make it work.
my friends dont like him coz of me...
i dont mean to insult him by other ppl's mouth...
and i dont want ppl do it for me again...
our problems re our own... but if there're no my friends,
i couldnt get over him that fast.... and i couldnt.... just couldnt be that "hard" heart.
well, then benny would blame on my friends ?
i dont know and i dont want to know.
if he didnt do such of things, what i can tell about him to my friends....
i didnt say like i'm so unhappy coz of him.
i just tell my friends what happened when they noticed i'm so upset and confused.
i dont mean to let everyone knows or let other parties know about our relationship,
but when ppl asked, i couldnt hide up my sadness and worries.
i did tell my friends about benny's good and sweet things...
and i was not complaining that he's so mean to me...
i was telling the things happening around me with him everyday .
maybe i hurted him, dissappionted him too much already...
that's why we couldnt keep the spurt burning.
i love him, i still do... i really love him so much...
but i couldnt see any ways we can walk along since he choose his own way to go.
by that moment, i know... we have no ways to go anymore.
i'm so sad...
but i dont think this time he woud want to start over again.
then... i should let him go,
also give myself a break time...
i'm really tired...
and i dont want to bring the sadness back to hk.
i'm leaving on the day after tomorrow.
i'll pray...
he knows what he wants, i think he would make the right decision for himself...
then i respect his decision.
if there'll be no reply before i go,
then i think we're over.
Here used to be called Shmoo Sassy Rowdyruff's page. It was a random name i got from The Powerpuff Girls' site. however, i am not that little girl anymore. i'm learning how to live a life now. haha! and this is the pic of my 22nd year in my life, taken in the summer of 2008.
here is like my reference, my history, my story, and the little pieces of memorries in my life. someday when i get old, maybe i would just review my life again. or i can share with my close ones... would they miss me someday? i dont know. i just wanna live my life fully and happily =) with the ppl i love on this planet.
Today,
How Sexy Is Your Style?
yesterday, i was chating on line with ade and cyn.
today i m really tired...
Someone who know