2006 年 2 月 17 日 星期五 【晴】

hahahaha...
what a relax day =P

i woke up a bit earlier than used to be... hummm around 11am...
then i watched tv, the mtv show at Peral.
hummmmmm i couldnt find the song i want at there... i just know the melody but dont know
who sang that... i found that song very nice at Espirit long time ago...
but that song... sounds like i've heard that before.. whatever.

then i went out with Miki, coz we join daddy mommy and Leggy to ve lunch.
yummy black pepper chicken spegettie hee
then... we sent Leggy back to school and we went to Sha Tin.
coz i need the black pants.... for my job... hummmm.... mommy bought me that.. hee
at U2Women.... it's on sale,... so not too expensive... around HKD$ 200 i think...
thaks mom lots and lots... coz she doesnt really buy clothes for hrself but she buys me
the pants for my job, just the part-time job. what a nice and sweet mom...
no wonder daddy loves her so much...hahaha... that's what i think...
coz... my mom and dad 're the good couple..

i'm so happy with my family, although sometimes they're very loud and quite strict...
but they're funny and never be bored with... just very talkative.... haha..
=)

hummmm back from Sha Tin, then pick up Leggy...
and we bought egg tarts to home =P yummy egg tarts~
my sisters love that Japanese Cartoon "Detective Conan" we just watched that...
quite nice..

thanks for Jesus, coz i have a very nice family.
thanks for the love from Jesus...

and for my friend's entry lately,
hummm i hope.... she would find her meaning of love.
what kind of love what type of love... i hope it doesnt matter too much..
just from your heart, start from your heart, look at it, what is important what is not.
think about it... when the street at night without light, what would happen...
suddenly someone hold a fire and walk toward you, who's that ?
is that person important for you? hummmm i'm not sure what would happen in your scene,
but you know... someone would just keep showing up.

i'm a bit worried for my studies now, especially for the Human Growth.
coz... a lot of readings to do... but i'm just quite lazy on book...
then i'm worried that my quizs would be just.... not as nice as i want...
i want an A, i dont want C or D ... hummmmm so i'm a bit worried.
castor you know, if you're worried, then you should do something to pretend that happen.


***

>>February 18, 2006 at 12:25:39 PM GMT+8

2006 年 2 月 16 日 星期四 【晴】

Three Classes Today,
One Quiz, One coffe, One Slice of Toast + One Steam Egg for Lunch.
Some discussions at Classes, then Some Discovery of Life-- Self Auctualzation
Give thanks to God and the ppl i love.

The morning class is... the Human Growth...
we're still in the INFANCY.... ahhhh..... tough....
coz so many minor stuffs to remember actually.... but you know i'm super lazy...and...
easy to throw out things from mind... so... the information is quite messy in mind...
we do talk about lots of baby stuffs and mommy love..
so i guess who've ever studied in this subject would be quite full knowledgable in childern
nurturing, nursing, whatever.

then i run to the second class, the Research Method...
hummm we discussed lots of papers from others... we most disagree with the hk resarchers.
coz youk now... dont know why we found that hk ppl do researhc w/o the article support.
those re all very weak in background, history or lieture(i'm sorry i forgot how to spell)
then today we got a nice paper from Victoria of Aus.
hummm that's the paper from a BA. student. that's nicve research.
okay... in this term, we, all of us would do the "Gambling Topic"
then i'm in the "Gambler Habits".... so... anyone who got an ideas, plx let mek now =) hee
yea...

Share a bit of that research...
[Problem Gambling: An Exploration of the Role of Global Personal Hopefulness-Term Gambling
Hope, and Illusion of Control Beliefs] Spiro Ginakis& Keis Ohsuka
I focus on the Introduction.... youk now, when i read,... i m convenced by his organalzation
of this research.
" Hope" ... we discuss on " Hope"... and the second variable is... "addiction".
ppl tend to addict to something based of "escapiing"(that's my word only), and why..
1) the indi suffers of a chronic irregular, or abnormal, physiological arousal state--
either "Hypertensive or hypotensive".
2) a sufficiently traumatic childhood event manifests as a deep sense of personal inadequacy,
feelings of guilt, shame, and rejection.
the defin. for addiction actually could be simple, and i put it this way:
to relieve from a chronic stress state.
And that we have Possitive( +ve) Hope and False Hope.
+ve Hope : genuine and realistic
Fasle Hope: based on the denial of reality

The discussion here....
think of it, have you ever ve the false hope? or the possitive hope?
i dont wanna...... take away ppl's hope...
especially when i become someone's hope(hopefully he's not lying)
my love to that one is not another false hope issue to myself...
my love to that one is from my heart, not just empathy's.... coz i want to protect him,
i want him to aviod hurtness or unhappiness, or he could have someone supporting him.
pretty like a friend or mom's job... but... that's different.... much different...
i want him to be happy, to be happy in life, i want him to have possitive life with smile.
yea... i 'm not always proud of my lover, coz i usually suffer in the situation.
what i need might not be satisfied, or couldnt be satisfied in this situation...
i ask myself after the class of today... do i want someone always try his best for me,
or i want somone doesnt need to try his best for me then i could be satisfied with that ppl.
( based on no lies at all)
he's fail, but he still would try, yea... fails again, but willing to try...
how many guys is like that... i dont know... but me, i m just a young lady, human being...
i really suffer in it, as you know me well.
i know pretty well that... i 've made the decision already... and i'm growing up.
i dont know if i'm right or wrong, but i'm already wrong in many ppl's eyes.
i care what ppl look at me(typical hk ppl perspective)... but... sometimes i just need to stay
for what i think right( at least by this moment). i become the very minority group in the... society.
coz i choose to have the "unstable" long distance relationship.

cultural differences, age differences, background differences... and the community differences,
communication style diff, lots and lots.... castor, how you guys gonna fix all?
well i really dont know. but i think coz i ve the heart, and i ve Jesus, i shouldnt be fear of anything.
you know, far from the begining till now, i've grown... why? actually i need to thank God
and him. so... yea we still to work very hard if we want to keep going.....
but if doesnt work out, i will just break it.... seriously.

the third class is all talking about the Racism and some Rules or Reasons of some topics.
that was the pretty nice class... Rami, my new groupmate, he just provided excellent information
and the good ideas in class. i really enjoy alot.

coming home...
very tired now...
just now have the little talk with darling... hee..
then... later i gotta read the book i think, coz... i didnt do well on my first two quizs of Human
Growth class... erhhh.... coz i was quite lazy and i didnt prepare well before class.
then i got the call from school, i might be able to work for a few days in the coming samilars
in HKCEC. hee ^^ but i gotta.... change the schedlue... so let see how the time table printed.
then i need to do some research for the group research paper.

God Bless,
Thanks alot to God... that's the pride for God...
and i need to thank my darling... and i do hope we would work out...

***

>>February 17, 2006 at 12:51:33 PM GMT+8

2006 年 2 月 15 日 星期三 【晴】

Today.... wake up then went to Ma On Shan with mom.
then... we went to grandpa's home( my gong gong's home)
hummm sit for awhile, then walk to the mall.
we had lunch together, thenr we planed to do some stuffs in bank.
but there're too much ppl... then we come home.

i come then rest a bit... really sleepy...
i came on line, waited till.... around 5pm ++ ? i forgot...
then i finally need a snap, just wake up at.... 9pm i guess.
yea,... came and waited, then came again =)

i got the call from Pacific Coffee... i will start my work next week on Wed and Thur.
then after that week. my schedule would be fixed on every Mon, Wed and Thur.
nice =) but tired =(
coz i ve classes on Tue and Fri... so that means...
every school days i ve 9 hrs classes (non stop- type)
then every work days i ve 9 hrs work.
i only have Sat and Sun for free of work... but you know, i need time to.... read and do my
assignment. i'm a bit worried for that would be the problem.
hummm look at the good side that is... i would be pretty busy, and the life would be very full.
then i got experience, new funny knowledge, new friends(might be), and new approaches
to hong kong. hummmm it's like the praticuam(sorry forgot how to spell), but then i still ve
nice income (not very nice but still happy =) ) yea, i could save up, then i will go to Singapore
after grad on Feb 07. hummmmm hee =)

tomorrow i got a quiz, i've never prepared for it...
i'm lazy... but i'm gonna study hard tonight =) hee

god would always be with me whaich i should be proud of =)
that's the peace and the joy for me.
i hope everyone can feel the love from Jesus...
we love, coz He loves first... so... yea...
and then i really wanna pray for so many ppl....
if you're in need, let Jesus know. He's the only God could help and would help whoever you're.

thanks God and i love my darling.
***

>>February 16, 2006 at 1:46:35 PM GMT+8

2006 年 2 月 14 日 星期二 【晴】

Just now i got a call from Shan,
then i went out to meet her... sorry to be late, coz i got something important to do on line.
so long havent seen her le.... but last time at the night market of CNY, i saw her....
ahahah she was very excited ! she grab my arms then keep jumping hahaha...
i think she must be too happy to see me.
we havent reall meet since christmas... the 23rd Dec... hummm our Lady Night.

i saw her on line yesterday erhhh... she told me about her stuffs...
then i knew something happened... then... for some reasons of my problems,...
i also wanna get some support from her... then just meet out lor.

i was chating on line with darling before i went out.
hummmmm i wont tell what did we chat for......
i just hope i 've made the right decision.

i ve a nice sentence beside the one from professor Morgant...hee...
"since you start down the road, it's hard to stop", but you could always walk away.
no one ask you to stop walking, but just turn around, to another direction.

btw,
hummm today i have the second interview at Wan Chai...
hee... they take me =)
then i need to buy the black shoses(i'm considering the All Star)
and also need the black pants. yea.... then on Monday, i would go to the head office to get the
T-shirt(uniform)...hummmmm then i will start on the coming week. hee =)
i know it would be tough for me... coz it's been a year i vent taken any job...
then i already get used to rest... so suddenly my schedule would be so tight, then...
it might be hard for me... but take it easy man =) coz i'm castor.
i would manage my study and work very well. much better than the past.

today i saw Tung at Tai Po.. hahaha... he scared me... well... he looks great.
i mean he looks happy... though i dont really know if he's happy or not.
just give me a call, as usual, if you wanna talk to someone ;>

Queenie, i miss Queenie.... hummm today i got a call from her.
she invites me to watch a show with her... but i'm so sorry... hee coz it's too expensive,..
and i rather to go for opera than a talk =) hee.
let's catch up someday, especially when i start my job...
coz i found that... there're some bars and some cafes surrounding our store.
wow, i think there must be quite nice at night huh... haha... come to look for me if you're free =)

Ade, and Vic vic...
i miss them alot... today chatting with Ade and Vic vic, a little chat.
hummmm thanks for Ade and Vic... really...
especially Ade, this sounds the first time you give me another kind of advice... it's nice...
i love it, thanks alot. and i hope you still rmember my question...
"have you tried the strawberry kitkat? " then next time just leave me a message anywhere.
that's made with strawberry favour chocolate... i dont like this but i think you might like.
sorry i really gotta go w/o "bye.." i think you would understand la =D


you know what...
there's only Jesus is realiable..
i dont think i'm realiable... but only Jesus.
you would see why i say so.
***

>>February 15, 2006 at 1:32:34 PM GMT+8

2006 年 2 月 13 日 星期一 【晴】

morning class at Mong Kwok,
afternoon class at Yau Ma Tei,
evening class at Yau Ma Tei,

no time for lunch, not really taken a meal.

i got back my result of Organizational Behavior... hee i got an A..
and then i hope the Research Method wont be too bad...
coz i was thinking we should be fail on our final research..

today, got a call from Tung, hahaha... thanks.
then i called Jackie during the break in the first class. i've chated with her... nice...
coz she's my best friend and i know tonight she wont have a min for me =) why?
coz she has someone called Martin. aiya... okay la.... Martin would be her husband anyway.
i dont get jealous from my best friend.
then i'vent called Shan, my another best friend.coz i know she'd be super busy today =P why?
coz someone called Choi and she is just the busy person !!! haha... but she still speard me time
when i need her. how sweet she is.
i ve called Queenie, another close friend thought not closest. hummmm.... miss her,
so called her.... was wondering meet her after school, but i'm just too tired.
then i've got a call from Rachel... i wish she's fine... i'll call her tonight later.
i wanted to call lots of ppl, which i've never done before.
as you know well, i dont like talking on phone... but since i really miss my friends, and i need
love from my friends so i really talk on phone for long today..
you see... ppl is selfish. coz always like i need someoen then i would call.
hummm that's not 100% real but how much? hummm think about it yourself, i mean apply
on your ownself before accounting for me. hee
it's always welcome when my friends need me, just give me a call, no matter what.
but when i'm in need, i dont really like to call ppl... i always deal with myself.
yesterday i've cahted with ade on line =) so nice to see her on line!
but she was so busy and sleepy... so we didnt talk for long... plx take care, my dearest friend.

anyway,
i got 4 little chocolate/ candies...
i've given some chocolate to my classmates. hee...
coz no one really celebrate with me, then i better do some little thing to cheer myself up.
i did say i dont want to stay outside tonight, coz the feelings is not good... but....
i dont want to be like an old woman sitting at home with black cats. so... better cheer up abit...
i planed to join Tung after school or meet Queenie or Rachel... but i just... dont feel nice.

here we ve a nice sentence taught by professor today hahaha...
if you dont have someone to love, go love the ppl with you.

fine... the little girl is not that poor yet...
happy valentines' to you all =)* smile.

Thanks for Jesus.
you let me know that i'm not happy... i'm not dead...
whatever it would be, i believe in you, my only God.

>>February 14, 2006 at 12:15:01 PM GMT+8

2006 年 2 月 12 日 星期日 【晴】

Today....

i woek up late,
then eat something, then went out...
i took KCR and MTR (haha i typed MRT, the SG Train) to Admiralty...
i need to take my octopus, ahhhhh so late to get that... then i got changed.

hummm take MTR to Wan Chai, oh my god... the Jolibee closed already... =(
i wanna try Jolibee =( i'd never thought that'd be closed already leh.....
so bad..

then i walked to take ferry... hummm i took a job interview at Pacific Coffe.. hee
then i will have the sec. in. on Wed... i hope i would get this job...
i was ... talking to myself ... i know Jesus would pick the best choice for me, always.
and that's os true. so i trust Jesus everytime =) Thanks...
i dontk now if they would take me, but i hope...
if they dont, that means i would have the better choice ahead waiting for me =)

i take KCR to Tai Po,
buy some files... then.... buy chickenwings from McDonald's to home.

tomorrow is the Valentines...
sigh...
***

>>February 13, 2006 at 11:36:24 AM GMT+8

2006 年 2 月 11 日 星期六 【晴】

i got neck pain for 2 days already....
does that ceom from last time? the bus crash in Vancouver
or just coz of my bad sleep?

i got a long sleep last night, coz my neck is so pain.. cant really move round.

today, didnt go out...
just chatting on line, reading book, and tidy up my stuffs, my books and notes...
then... yea got lots of nice songs from HakGon,
chatting with Alesja and ChongJie....
hummmm Alesja got some questions...

i was tidying up my stuffs... then i got the very strong feelings, like the calling...
i seem heard the sound... so i come on line again...
weird... dont know where's it come from... sounds like someone need me...

is that him?

>>February 12, 2006 at 11:46:16 AM GMT+8

2006 年 2 月 10 日 星期五 【晴】

i waked up at 1++ pm...
hahaha what a long sleep...

hummm then i came on line and went out with family.
we had lunch outside, then i'm back home...
i didn do much things...

i knew Sankie had quit the job already... so... i think i might not go back to McDonald's anymore.
then Rachel's store has enough ppl, so i wont work at there.
i ve to find another job by myself instead. hummmm...

i've chated with Alesja and HakGon just now.... haha... funny them...
hummmmm i miss them so much... heehee.... in VPC... heehee
anyway.... we chated for so much things... an then... i dont think hakgon is that bad.
i understand.... his thinking.....
hummm you know... the more you know about yourself, the more mature you are,
in terms of how you treat ppl and the control you've taken for yourself... i know someday he
would find a girl from his heaven =) and Alesja would meet her Mr.Right, too =) heehee
you will !! and all of us would meet at Vancouver again ;>
hey! i'm happy that HakGon got my post already =P nice !
i thought it would take a week, but not... it takes 6 days. hee... love the chocolate huh?! ^^
dont know if darling got my post already.
i saw him on line..

i searched for the information for my futher study...
hummm i try to find the diploma program in singapore... coz i wanna stay at there.
humm....... i find it's hard to complete the programes... haha...
the price is not cheap, but still okay i think... but i think i ve to consider when to start the diploma
or i should do the second degree in hk.
hummmmmmmmm i really dont know...
coz..... i dont want to get marry just after grad, especially.... when i'm not 21 yet.
and then who can tell me if i should actually get marry with darling?
logically, i'm not happy, and the fact of my feelings .... is.... i'm not happy....
coz he's not constantly connected with me everyday, but a stable relationship should be...
like that... connected. then... i dont think we should get marry in this situation.
relationship should be stable first before marry..

i need a man who can communicate with me, not just treat me as a doll.
a doll means when you want her, she would be there for you,
but she coudnt ask you for anymore, and you would not ask her what she wants.
yea, you love the doll, so you wont leave her. but you would always forget her and you dont
really care about her, coz you'd never really communicate with her. she's just a doll.

if we keep like this... we couldnt get marry... no matter how much we love each others..
we're just not there yet...... he doesnt really get along with me, i m not happy with that.
why we should get marry.

that's just what i think... i dont know how he thinks... coz he doesnt tell me.
i dont know if all the things would be changed nicer after marry.
and i wanna say no girls would take this as an advantage in marriage.
if he loves me, and wanna get marry with me, he should think about that.
how we maintian a healthy relationship.

i'm sorry i bring this topic up to here,
it shouldnt be posted in the public. but for all of my dearest friends, you guys here,
i want you to know while oneday you think of me, you might think castor looks sad always...
the fact is... i'm quite quiet now, it becomes part of my charaters... which i'm happy with.
i'm not happy with my relationship, no one could help except us.
i do listen to you all, and i'm happy for all of the concerns...
hummmm when someday you think of your mates, also consider what i say above =) ok?
keep communicating with your mate.... make sure you guys re growing together.

if darling you're reading, i'm sorry but that's the fact.
we should consider about the reality above.
i dont want to break up and i love you that's why i'm sill waiting for you....
i trust you, i believe in you that you're trying or you will make things better, at least i still can
talk with you sometimes on line right? =)
plx make me proud.

thanks for jesus in my life... He always brighten my days...
***

>>February 11, 2006 at 1:53:13 PM GMT+8

2006 年 2 月 9 日 星期四 【晴】

The bus was late...
anyway, on the bus to school, i met a very cute little boy.
the bus was stop coz of the red sign.
then another bus also stop, haha... i saw the little boy smiling to me =)
then i greet him ^^ smily face... he waved his hands... hahaha... he's so small...
so cute... then in these few mins, we was smiling to each other, and waving hands
drawing picture on our each window. hahaha.... his mom was smiling too =)

hummm still can catch up class of course, and i still had time to get my morning coffe.
then.... take the quiz in class, hummm Human Growth, i think i will get a great score...
hummm i got back the result of my second report from Substance Abuse, we got 18/20.
hee... then the finaly result of this course is A. i was quite supprised...
coz since the first report is that bad, actually couldnt get an A already... maybe the final
exam help me lots... then yea... Iris and Wesley got B.
i'm happy about my new group... coz you know what i will have a new groupmate =)
and he's not chinese, so... i was really looking forward to..... working with this group.
i wanna know why pple would come to our school....
he's an indian i guess... hummm his accent is pretty american.

i forgot to bring my lunch today, then i run back home to take my bread.
hummmm today lunch is the bread, blue berry bread from a nice bakery...
then... i take the sec class, hummmm new group has been formed,
i think we would do better this time.
anyway, Wesley is not that bad.... we still could chat in class, besides working together.
i guess just coz we 're so diff in group work perspective.

then las class is the Diverse Cultures in America.
hahaha.... pretty fun class.... teacher talk alot of Culture stuffs... my favourite !
hummm nice..... i had a long tire day today... but still had lots of fun...
i mean the knowledge is nice, not that kind of joking around in terms of fun.
in class, i'm serious... i'm a serious student... so i might be a bit cold...
but after class or before class, i'm okay...
and i do enjoy chating with the professors, coz they're really great !
i could learn alot from them.

hummm
today i got some bad luck stuffs made me a bit angry...
but it's just minor things...
i tried to get into the train( way to home)...
those ppl were pushing me behind... they were very loud talking actually...
whatever words could be said in the public huh??? "shut up bitches" that what i was thinking.
hummm then i stepped into the train... those ppl pushing behind.
the train is quite crowed already... lucky that still could get in.
i yell out " EXCUESE ME, DONT PUSH PLEASE !" no one was saying except me...
hummm questions? yup i was saying in eng, but that was .... just not under controled.
today in class, we talk about... the majority group.... i'm not in this group obviously.
coz... i dont belong to hk culture much. well i'm raised in hk of course, but from what you see...
do you think i m like a hk girl? i dont know how do you think of me... I DONT CARE.
*Fuck... i hate this kind of feelings, but i ve no choices.
Yea! i dont ve a choice on many situations or things... whatever..
i dont give a shit.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


castor should stay strong, and refusing the sadness.
***

>>February 10, 2006 at 12:53:39 PM GMT+8

2006 年 2 月 8 日 星期三 【晴】

Today, waked at 11+++ am, i slept at 12 last night.

still ve sleepy... dont wanna get up, but i ve an appointment hahaha... with Jackie!!!
Ms. Jackie~~~~ my dearest Jackie...

then we went to LSC, my old school to visit our teachers...
we had lunch at the canteen... so long time havent seat at there for lunch hahaha...
then we had a good meal there... we ate what we used to eat... haha!! great !
then we seat at the staff room... we chated with some teachers hee
there're lots of questions hahaha... during the chat i mean.
hummmmmmmmm Jackie and Tse sir would know what we've chated about today...
and... for me that's.... hummm like a big..... hit on my face...
and then vic vic and hak gon would understand why i say that.

hummm after that jackie and me walked around...
then... we went home =)
i will miss her alot.... coz she's my best friend !!!
always got her support...

thaks for jesus...
pl tell me what to do... i dont want to regret.

***

>>February 9, 2006 at 1:49:55 PM GMT+8