2005 年 9 月 18 日 星期日 【晴】

hummm,....

last night slept earlier....
but still very tired.
actuallly last night, we had pork chop(bbq/bake) styleand lots of bread for dinner.
we did that by ourselves, heeeheeeeeee.

then today morning, i ve banana and bread for breakfast, then...
we made pan cake... but not very good.

by the way,...
i'm reallly sleepy now.

last night, finally my my family could see me on line !
so nice!
i really like to see them !!
you know,.... nope, you dont know.
we talk on web, hummmm web cam and mic. heehee ^^
and then,..... i saw darling on line.
he's very busy.

ahhhh..... so sleepy now =.=

happy mid autum.

***








>>September 19, 2005 at 4:57:29 AM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 17 日 星期六 【晴】

today is sat,

last night i was in victoria's home,
coz i went to her church.
nice.....
then actually i have the late lunch, around 3 pm
then had the very later dinner, around 10:30pm...
i was quite hungry.

anyway,
last night we were chating... coz we're both quite talkative.
and then coz at her home, so i can use the web cam with darling...
although he's busy, but not too bad i guess?
i was sooo tired, so sleepy, but stilling using it.... haha...
i hope he's fine with that tired me.
he's very busy... so .... .. .. we dont really talk, and he was working.
hummm dont now how he thinks but fine.

i'm hungry now, hope to go out for lunch first =P

>>September 17, 2005 at 8:03:20 PM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 15 日 星期四 【晴】

today morning, i was very very angry.

i wake up earlier, then...
i called to ICBC and the ITC.
the =.= ... insurance companies !
sigh... big troubles...
i was really angry !!!!!

then... i eat the late breakfast, i was very busy and hungry.
then i skip my lunch.
i went out to meet victoria. thanks for her help...
then i ve juice, rapsberry juice...
then... we talk at the food court, nice =)

then we went to davie street to have sushi.... very full.
then we go home.

tomorrow i will join her church...
then i'm going to stay over night at her home.

=) heehee

i miss my darling sooooo much~
last night... i've chated with him, hee.
and then... actually, tomorrow or the day after, i can use web cam at victoria's home ^^
then my family and me finally would see each other on line !
and then...... of course i hope to see darling =) and he could see me too ~^^~
last night, we chated... then ^^ hee

nightnight.

>>September 16, 2005 at 4:45:34 AM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 14 日 星期三 【晴】

Last night i went home quite late... around 10 45pm.

yesterday i went to libary with victoria, then we go to robson street.
she 's looking for the jeans.
then we sit down at the desert cafe " Illy", kindda japanese style, but a itallian cafe.
erhmmm,... the ice cream doesnt have strong milk taste, so i tried that =P
very nice...
there three favourite, small size in a cup with red bean source and three tiny rice ball.
i like the rapsberry sorbor, then the maple wanut and the "someting chocolate"
i forgot the name... re very nice =)
we sit for so long...... we talk alot. coz we're both talkative i guess =P

then,... we walk back, and keep looking for "the jeans",
then we ve dinner together, the japanese food.
i think she like japanese food alot? maybe.
anyway, i might go to her home on fri and sat night =)
she'll teach me making egg tart, and i will teach her angel cake and...
she invites me to her church, that's why i go there...
and then she wants to knwo how to do better make up.. erh.... i'm not good at it also.
=) but girls like to talk about this i think ^^ hee

last night darling's on line, i found that when i's home...
but i couldnt disturb my aunt's working... so...
after bath,... i called him.
yup, we had talked.
=) nice.
hummm i love him very much, i really do.

***
just now i was seriously stormach.... really tough...
>.<
i dont know what i ate wrong.
today morning, i have an egg, and vesetable for breakfast+lunch.
then later, aunt cooked some vegetable and chicken balls. i just ve very very few...
then i ate some moon cake =P, and tea...
then... i feel so... >.<
but now i feel better, much better.
if i keep painic, i wll take pill later.

I MISS MY LAOGONG !~~~~
i'm ms Mei Kwan Lau Chew heehee
^^

>>September 14, 2005 at 11:02:30 PM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 13 日 星期二 【晴】

You Know What ?!
I Dont Know.

i'll meet victoria again, today, later.. we will go libary together.
i think it would be fun.
she's just a nice girl.

if everyone totally be dissapointed by the opposite sex mate,
then what would the world be like?
maybe...... hummm.... you guys know what i mean.
well... not "you guys" but i do know what i mean, enough.
haha

ah...humm... jackie safty landed on tai wan already ~ yay~~~
and then.... i really want to talk to her now...
i miss all my freidns in hk,
and i also miss my friends in here... so long time havent seen them.

dont care about what i say here... it doesnt worth anything.

you know what?
i dont know.

you know?
no... i dont.

so?
hummm... well,....
(silence)

that could be the end of one's story.

>>September 13, 2005 at 8:03:23 PM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 12 日 星期一 【晴】

today...

i had lunch and tea with victoria =) nice !
and i got the e-mail from miki and alesja ~~~^^

i m really glad to meet victoria today!
she's really really nice !
i'd never thought she's that nice and freindly ^^ hee

by the way,
i called darling last nightm, but he didnt pick up my call.
i've e-mailed him last night.. erhhhh...
ok =)

maybe tomorrow i will go to libary =P
hummmm yea...
then friday, kiana will come to richmond ~
hoho~

anyway, i miss him so much..

>>September 13, 2005 at 2:33:33 AM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 11 日 星期日 【晴】

為了他, 我知道應該怎麼辦
Alright, i'm sorry... i really know i was really wrong.
i really want to say sorry.

There re two articals i 'v found on net,
why?
coz i want to learn how to communicate better with the man i love.

and i 've found that i was wrong.
the first thing i was really wrong is the respect:
i didnt respect him enough.
i really shouldnt talk about him in my diary since he feels so uncomfortable about that.
for me, he comes and read is ok, coz he also knows what's happening here with me,
and he'd know all the truth i'm thinking about. but.... now, i really understand he would feel
very uncomfortable, and that's not what i want actually, eventually.
and he still let me write although he doesnt feel well... so i feel so sorry to him.
the second thing is patient.
i was not paitient enough. i was a bit selfish.
the third is i have too much ppl runing around me.
although i cant control it, i need to pay attention on it.



The First Article:
----------------------

"I don't know what he's thinking because he never tells me what is going on."

Sound familiar? In a recent poll, 42 percent of iVillage visitors say that
they have a hard time getting their partner to share his feelings.
When that happens, she feels shut out and he feels misunderstood.
But in my years as a therapist and author, I've discovered something
that many women don't realize. Men want to talk. Under the right conditions,
they'll talk all night long. Most men desperately need to unburden themselves.
So what's the secret to getting your guy to share?
Read on -- and get ready to receive an earful.

Secret 1:
Real Men Fear Rejection -- Really!

It's true. Most men feel that women are very critical of them,
and they worry that if they do open up, someone's going to laugh at them,
leaving them rejected and humiliated. It's important for women to realize
that a man's ego and sense of identity are generally more fragile than hers and
more easily threatened. That is especially so when he's in an intimate relationship:
He craves acknowledgment, feedback and knowing that he's pleased you.
So if a man feels that you are going to judge him,
or look at him differently as a result of what he says,
you can be sure that he won't talk.

Not judging your partner means allowing him to say what is on his mind,
and simply being willing to hear it. This does not mean that
you don't have an opinion or that you can't offer it at some point.
In order for him open up to you, he has to feel truly accepted for who he is,
not for who you may want him to be. Be patient with him.
If you respond to his thoughts by immediately offering your
point of view with something like "Well, that's wrong. I don't agree" or,
"Where did you get a crazy idea like that?" any man is going to clam right up.
They're afraid if they say something too personal,
it may not fit into the image you have of them, or the image they force themselves to project.

A man is many different things at different points in his life --
even at different points in the week or day.
Don't be afraid to allow him to show you all different parts of himself.
If you can let go of your expectations and really just try to find out who he is,
he will immediately sense it, feel greatly at ease and enjoy talking to you.

Secret 2: Reveal Yourself As Well

There must be mutual disclosure between partners. Everybody has problems,
fears and skeletons in the closet. Many guys think, "If I share this, she'll leave me.
" You have to show that this is not the case by revealing something about yourself that
shows you have as much trust in him as he has in you.

When he starts to open up, listen to what he is saying,
then take a step beyond and offer something positive in return.
After he tells you something personal, say something like, "Well, that's not so bad.
I've done worse." Or, "I really admire this about what happened"
and pick something in the story you really do admire.
(Don't make this up, though. It will fall flat and turn into manipulation.
People always know when they are being manipulated on some level
and it never works out.) Let him know you're on his team,
that he is not alone with his experience.

Make sure as you give him feedback, that you take his side.
Many women listen to the stories that men tell only to respond
by telling him how he's been looking at it wrong. They take the side of someone else.
In a story about work, for example, it's the coworker he's been having a hard time with.
It is important, however, that you look at the situation from his point of view.
This is not a time to teach or train him, it's a time to "make friends.
" When two people are making friends, they share their common experiences mutually
and, because of that, experience closeness and comfort.
Here, you're creating rapport,
the feeling that the two of you occupy the same planet and live in a similar world.

It's amazing how many men feel tremendously alone.
Not only have they been trained for silence, taught that it is unmanly to express
what they are going through, they usually don't get feedback from the guys in their world.
Your honest and positive feedback is vital. If you bond in this way,
your partner will feel there is someone there
who understands them and open up even more.

Secret 3: Let Go of the Past

Have you ever had a "discussion" with your partner that
ended up turning into a litany of past grievances, the things he did wrong,
the ways he hurt you, and what he owes you now?
It happens at some point in nearly every relationship, but the fact remains;
men cringe when they feel this coming.

When a man fears that his words will later be distorted,
misunderstood, told to others or thrown back at him,
it is impossible for him to open up. And the only way to move beyond
this communication trap is to realize that whatever happened in the past,
whatever he did or said, you were involved as well.
All relationships are dances. No one is entirely good and no one entirely bad.
In fact, rather than seeing anyone as good or bad,
it is more useful to notice the roles being played in the relationship
and the ways in which all of us become stuck in patterns that
we don't know how to get out of.

For example, some women love playing the victim or martyr.
They need the blame of the relationship in order to
validate their own feelings and feel powerful over their partner.
In fact, they may hold a man to them in this way for a while.
But it's a sure sign that the communication has completely closed
down and the relationship is on the rocks.

If you want to avoid or change this sorry state of affairs
and help him speak to you openly, try this.
Take responsibility for your part in the situation and see the ways
in which you might have contributed to what happened.
This does not mean blaming yourself, either. Just to look at the situation
with a large eye. Focus on all the things he did "right," not "wrong."
If you need more direction here, take out your journal and make lists of
what you've received from the relationship and what you've given in return.
Notice times when you were also less than perfect,
and notice the ways in which both of you have grown and changed.

The ability to forgive may be just as simple as realizing that
what was true a year ago about him (and about yourself as well)
may not be true now. Stay focused in the present.
True communication requires the ability to remain in the present and to
let the past be over when it's done.

Secret 4: Become a Solid -- and Secure -- Listener

Is it even possible to have honest relationships?
The assumption is that everybody's going to be honest.
The truth is, few people are.
And the main reason that people are dishonest is that the consequences are too big.
Many men feel that women want and need to be lied to
because they can't take the honest truth.
Some of my clients have said that they fear telling their partner
what is really going on in their lives, or how they truly feel because it will upset her.
In fact, many women use their emotions to control men -- and control the relationship.
They demand certain responses from men, and feel devastated if they don't get them.
Then they're surprised when he shuts down and doesn't talk.

Unfortunately, many women also have strong images of how a man
is "supposed" to feel, and think. That kind of fantasy makes the truth devastating,
so they let the man know in many subtle ways that they do not want it. Sound familiar?
We're all guilty of this from time to time, but being willing to listen to
what he has to say is the beginning of a truly mature relationship.
It gives the man the feeling that he has a solid partner who will be there
with him through thick and thin.

If you're ready to break out of this unrealistic rut, it's time to ask yourself three things.
How much of the truth you can tolerate? How much do you really want?
Do you want your man to be a fantasy figure for you,
or are you willing to allow him to become real?
These are huge questions. Perhaps you cannot take all of the truth at once right now,
but you can certainly build up your tolerance muscles and move in that direction.

Oddly enough, we all think that fantasy makes us feel wonderful,
but in fact, the more reality we can take, the stronger we grow.
The ability to accept honesty from others increases
as we realize that true security comes not from the approval of others
but from being true to ourselves.

Secret 5: Be True to Yourself -- Be Aware

It's an old question but a good one. How can we be true to another
if we aren't true to ourselves?
The best way to help a man open up is simply to be open yourself,
be natural, be real and exude an atmosphere of warmth and acceptance.
Those who we encounter in life are mirrors of different parts of ourselves
and we attract certain people who each help us love another part of ourselves.

This is why it's important to apply the five topics covered here
not only to the men in our lives but also to ourselves.
For example, are you able to let go of judging yourself?
Do you dismiss past grievances about the things you've done wrong?
Or are you always dwelling on mistakes you've made,
ways in which you've fallen short? When you treat yourself this way,
it is only natural to do the same thing to your partner.
If when young you were always scolded or made to feel inadequate in some way,
you are likely to act the same way toward your man.

Awareness is crucial here.
If you want to create a more open dynamic between your partner and yourself,
take a strong inventory of the way you treat and regard yourself
and the way you were treated by the significant others of your past.
If you were hurt, this is your chance to make a decision to
not live your life on automatic-pilot-of-the-past anymore.
Turn it around. Decide to be kind and accepting,
both of yourself and to the one you're with.

Sometimes we give in to another in the expectation of receiving the same in return.
When that doesn't happen, silent fury starts to build.
That is behaving with an agenda,
giving mixed messages and not being true to another or yourself.
In order to give of yourself truly,
you have to realize that you "get" as much out of giving as out of receiving.
When you give the other unconditional respect and regard,
you are giving that to yourself as well. You are behaving in the best way possible,
and the fine effects always reverberate back.
When you treat others in a way you respect,
you are building a sense of value and worth.
If your partner doesn't reciprocate, you won't have to feel like it's your failing or loss.
Instead you will easily move on to someone who is more like you.

The bottom line: Be true to yourself and you will find that it is contagious.
The men (and women) you are with will start to behave the same way.
They will communicate openly and naturally, not with a fixed agenda,
not to manipulate or control. If they don't behave this way,
they will naturally move out of your life -- to a place that is more appropriate for them.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Second Article
***********************

Ever wonder what guys talk about when we're not around?
Here's your chance to eavesdrop. iVillage and AskMen.com have joined forces to
reveal what's really on guys' minds ‑- and just how bluntly they discuss it.
Welcome inside the men's locker room.


I must admit that playing the field is a whole lot of fun,
but so is being in a serious relationship ‑- provided that it's with the right woman.
But how do you know if she really is the right woman for you?
If she possesses the following 10 traits, you better hold on to her for dear life or,
before you know it, a guy who already knows
where it's at will get his hands on your "goods."

10. She's independent

No one wants a girlfriend they have to baby-sit. Once in a while,
like if she's had a rough day at work, it's great to be her shoulder to cry on,
but if she can't seem to function without you and is constantly after you,
she will eventually make you feel like you're suffocating,
which is a surefire way to get you running out the nearest exit.

On the other hand, if she has her very own personality and opinions,
can stand on her own two feet, both financially and emotionally,
and is able to enjoy time away from you ‑- while still missing you,
of course ‑- then she must be a great girlfriend.

9. She's intelligent

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the bimbo routine gets real old, real fast.
Instead of being the one in total control, you'll find yourself trying to
figure out what she's really thinking behind those glazed eyes of hers ‑-
or if she's actually thinking at all.

An intelligent woman will constantly surprise you and keep you on your toes.
She won't let you get bored of her. Besides, it's nice to have something to talk
about between all that chandelier-hanging sex.

8. She's sexual

While we're on the topic, a great girlfriend has to be sexually compatible with you.
For instance, if you're into S&M and she's more the "fluffy lingerie" type,
that's a problem. The two of you have to be on the same page ‑- or, at least,
she has to be willing to wear leather and use a whip from time to time.
Of course, this doesn't imply that she has to know all the right moves straight away;
it simply means that you and she have an undeniable attraction toward each other,
and are able to communicate your desires verbally (or with physical cues).
It is important that you please each other in the bedroom, or on top of the dryer ‑-
whatever the case may be.

7. She's beautiful

I know, this one is kind of obvious, but important nonetheless.
A great girlfriend will not only want to look good for you, but also for herself.
She should always look her best and be well put together ‑-
matching lingerie is a definite plus.

You have to be proud to have her on your arm and enjoy the sight of her in any light.
And this doesn't mean that she has to be a Heidi Klum clone.
Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
so if you think her full bottom or uncontrollable curls are beautiful, you're allowed.

6. She respects you

This is a biggie. Your woman must respect you.
This means that she listens to you, even if she doesn't necessarily agree with
what you're saying. And, of course, she never tries to demean or
belittle you in any way, shape or form.

A great girlfriend won't ever cause scenes in public or in front of
your friends and family, and will always wait to discuss matters with you in private.
If she respects you, chances are that she will behave in a tactful and
diplomatic manner in most situations, which is definitely a good thing.

5. She lets you be a man

Do not ‑- I repeat ‑- do not get involved with a woman who tries to get you to
eat cottage cheese and fruit for breakfast and insists that you give up poker
night with the guys. You will end up resenting her more than you can imagine.
A good girlfriend lets you be a guy in all your glory, poker night and all.
If she's a great girlfriend, she'll even bring you and your buddies a couple of beers
and make you some of her famous sandwiches.

She has to understand that men and women are different and should allow you
to be yourself. Just like you wouldn't deprive her of going shopping
with her best girlfriend, she shouldn't expect you to give up the guys for her.

4. She's nagless

There is nothing worse than a nag! A great girlfriend knows this
and chooses her battles wisely. She knows when to speak up and when to let it slide.
You don't want a girlfriend who will give you hell for leaving a couple of
dishes in the sink occasionally.

However, if you live together and you stay out all night without calling her,
and she lets you have it, then you're setting yourself up for disaster.
This is a situation that nobody would let slide ‑- not even a great girlfriend.

3. She gets along with friends and family

A great girlfriend will not only help your mom in the kitchen,
listen to your dad's stories and hang out with your friends, but she will enjoy it.
She'll make a real effort to get to know and love the most important people in your life.
And she won't try to get you to ditch your best buds.

She'll actually empathize with your brother's getting dumped and suggest that
you guys take him out to cheer him up. Not only that, but your friends won't
roll their eyes and moan when you mention that she'll be joining you guys
when she gets off work (yes, women like this do exist).

2. She loves you

If you have found a woman who loves you for who you really are and
not who you pretend or try to be sometimes, you should definitely hang on to her.
A woman who doesn't try to change you is hard to find. Of course,
all women have their slightly annoying habits that their mate has to contend with,
but if she really loves you, she will be able to cope with these.

Another way to know if she really loves you is by observing the way
she looks at you and treats you on an everyday basis.
If the sight of you doesn't seem to faze her either way,
and she doesn't really seem to care about what you have to say,
she's either playing very hard to get, or sees you as just some guy.
But if a surprise visit or phone call from you makes her light up,
there's no denying that she loves you.

1. She makes you want to be a better man

Stop making that face... any man who has a great girlfriend or
wife will tell you that she makes him want to be a better man.
She doesn't have to say or do anything; it just is that way.
If you suddenly feel bad about how you treated your sister or find yourself trying
to get your finances in order, you might want to think about your motivation for doing so.
It could be love.

Do you already have her?

So, if this list seems to describe your current flame, you, my friend,
are styling. In fact, you are probably the envy of all of your friends,
even if they tease you for losing your status as "king player."

However, if the woman you are dating is more like the polar opposite,
then I don't think that getting serious with her would be in your best interest ‑-
but you knew that already, didn't you?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

now i know how to be a good girlfriend.
it's really hard...
but i think...

I love is that simple, all the things wuld be simple, too.
"愛很簡單", 可是相處不是那麼簡單的.
你愛一個人, 可是還是需要學習怎樣相處.

would i have a chance?

>>September 11, 2005 at 9:36:15 PM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 10 日 星期六 【晴】

today i was out with kiana =P great!
long time no see...
actually i was so silly... and now i think we're friend.
heheeee~~~!! i think actually i've forgotten the past unhappy things already~
=P

and then... i will meet victoria, simon's friend, on monday at parker place for lunch,
then friday kiana will come to richmond to find me =P
you know... kianna is kindda my good friend... i mean except alesja .
alesja is my closest friend... but kiana is my good friend also...
so i'm so happy that i can see her again~!!

by the way...
i dont ve much time to write the diary now.... coz aunt cleans up the closet =S
then i ve to do that also... but what's the time now? 10 04pm...
i dont understand why she does that at night... and i dont want to do that now.
but if i dont clean up... then i think i cant sleep.

anyway...
someone has been on line today.... erhhhh actually i forgot his name already.
really... ut i do remmber him, and i know i have his number in my phone.
he comes and say he still love me....
then i feel.... soo.... "wu nai"
i mean... why?
he had gfs right? i mean he 's given me up already... then he had another girlfriendsss.
then... not after 2 years, he said he still love me. he miss me alot...
it doesnt work anymore.
i told him i ve benny for 1 year already...
and i dont think he really miss me.
then i was away, coz aunt need to use the pc.
(that's why i always say i will buy a lap top as soon as possible! )
then when i come back... he's left already... and he said alot of thingss.
he wants me to go to aukland( new zealand) to find him...
he wants to see my beautiful eyes ... well that's what he said....
he wants me. ... ... .... but i dont want.
anway... i feel like i hurt him somehow...
but i guess he'd be fine.
and i dont want him to wait for me any longer... that's just impossible.
and then i dont want long distance anymore, really...
i'm just waiting my darling...
if he doesnt love me anymore, i wont get a long distance relationship anymore.

i'vent contacted darling for 2 days.
i think he's very busy in the weekends... so i didnt call.
and then i want to leave him space to work and find out the answer for me.

>>September 11, 2005 at 5:09:45 AM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 9 日 星期五 【晴】

today was so relax...

i didnt do anything great, except resting.
i eat, then watching tv, hahahaha...
then i watched the movie, is.... "Frady vs Jason" what a funny scary movie.
then we went out, me and aunt i mean.
aunt dabbie drive us to richmond centre.
well... we walked, maybe the fashion here is different from hk, especially the esprit.
not bad, huh... but i think... hk is more fashionable,
but ca's is more cultural feeling. they use lots of colorful color, very nice.
hk's more stylish feeling... modern.
alright, then we go home... on the way,...... drive thru .... ^^ heehee
Filet O'Fish w/o cheese HEEHEEE!!!
then i was watching the "Tory" again! really great movie !
i was watching and eating~~~ hahaha
then when it's finished... then aunt wanna watched movie,
then we watched the other great movie... but i forgot the name already oppss~
but it was really great man ;>
then i go cook the dinner.
we ve "laksa- instance noodel" =P with vegetable and fish heehee
great.

anyway, fine.

tomorrow i will go out with kiana =) yeah~~~ she's back!
how's alesja ??? i miss her... she didnt e-mail me... is she ok?
i'm a bit worried for her.

last night... i called darling for long...
finally he took my call.


***
i've already deleted part of my diary of yesterday,
for some special personal reason.

hummmm actually... simple thing is....
i've changed my mind, and then i want to keep this secert.
maybe there're some ppl already know what happened,...i mean what i've wrote here.
but i think that's enough =)
easy: the stuffs mean much more than just the stuffs itself.
if there's no way to fix the problems or find out the truth at least...
i dont think i could accept that ever happen again.
coz obviously, there re "something" really happened.

(10 Sep. 10:19am)

>>September 10, 2005 at 5:13:34 PM GMT+8

2005 年 9 月 8 日 星期四 【晴】

나는 피마자 이다 -
나는 진실을 원한다 , 진실을 좋아한다 !!

나는 아주 슬프게 혼동하 느낀다. 나의 친구 나 자신은 이다.
일어난 것이 그 측에 나는 모른다.
나는 그를 위해 고민한다.
걱정... 걱정 !
나는 또한 진실을 알 싶는다...

the korean is not perfect here,
it's just from the translator's work. so... cant be translated back to the original english.
why i know that, coz i 've tried before.

>>September 8, 2005 at 5:56:35 PM GMT+8