2006 年 4 月 28 日 星期五 【晴】

Tuesday would have the Group Dynamics Final in the morning... hee..

Today i have the morning class, from 10 - 1 pm.
hummm after class, me and Yedda went to Festival Walk, have lunch.
we ate chicken at KFC... hummm okay! and i do enjoy watching ppl ice skiing, so nice..
and i got the sweet call =) *Thanks. hummmm so long havent heard the voice =)
we were at the sec floor, patio side, so... could look down very clearly. haha..
i dont really care about those teens skiing, but those little kids are soooooooo cute !!! ^^
they were having class... then... ahhhhh i hope i could be them... skiining so well,
very beautiful..... ^^

alright, the last class is done.. how to say...
this course is tooo short...sigh... i think if we have longer time, the course would be much nicer.
alright... have a movie time, that's quite funny actually.. hummm forgot the name already.
but i do enjoy alot. Thanks Dr. Greene, coz you've given us a very nice class.
hummm he's a very difficult marker, but coz of that, i learn alot from him =) great.
i still remember the first time i took his class, Substance Abuse.... that time i was so pissed..
coz... he marked my group report as the very low performance... butthen i understood
there were some misunderstanding... then the sec report, he adjust a bit... and we got much
higher scores... and finally i got an A in that course =)
okay... nice..

hummm just now, i was talking with Vicvic on audio msn. hahaha... we talk for 3 hrs ?
soooo long... hahaha... but we both enjoy alot. wow, thanks Vicvic... haha..
she's coming to hk in June also, wow great =) i have two vip coming here ard June =)
take it easy, Cas, Vicvic... sometimes we have no control...
we could still enjoy alot, right? life is like this... we should enjoy everyday, even though
the world might not be like what we expect =)

hummmmmmmm got the e-mail from him, my " dear someone" .
Thanks =) hummmmm i think...as my position, i shouldnt say too much.

i'm lonely, i need someone, but it doesnt mean i cant live without whom or who.
and i dont want just coz of my lonelyness then i do something bad to others... that's not me.
i m selfish... so... i rather preventing the more serious hurt in the future..
i choose to hold on to myself and not blaming anyone.
i let others to choose for me.

i thank to you, my dear, coz of you, i learn to... face my own feelings.
i learn to listen to myself.... i ve learnt how to enjoy being loved and enjoying in love.
that's the most important gift that you've already given me. you'd never owe me anything.
no matter what happen in the future, i would still be happy to know you.
i dont know what you should do, i also dont know what i should do.
i dont want to make you suffer more, just tell me what can i do for you to reduce your pain?
i just want you to stay strong, be happy, do what you should do.
remember never regret for what you did, and dont do what you would regret.
do something great for yourself, make yourself proud.
listen to yourself, do what you should do.

hummmm...
i was supposed to go church tonight...
but then... i was chating with Vicvic on msn.. hahaha... then didnt go... miss the gathering...
anyway, Thanks Jesus. I know You're with me. Everything that you're watching over..
You know what i would do, you know everything, coz i'm the one in your hand, in your book.
i cant lie to you, just like i cant lie to myself.
you see all my sins and you know i'm pain.
you know i'm sad, you also know my smile.
God, W.W.J.D ? what will Jesus do ?

***

i was soooo boring at home... just resting...
then i took some pictures...

2006 年 4 月 27 日 星期四 【晴】

My frined asks me just now...
"sometimes iwonder if there's anyone reading your diary now..."
well, my answer is " i dont know =) "
really dont know... coz... the 人氣 keeps rising up...
ppl come might not read lor, but still come in lor, ok? hahaha... how i know...

anyway,
today have a very nice class. Gender Roles.
hummmmmmmm i think i m assertive... not too passive or too aggressive.
hummm how to say... yea Mr. chan is right... everyone have diff roles in diff situations.
okay...

hummm today morning, got some sms, sweet huh =)
thanks.... and i do appreciate those lovely things.

i was soooo boring at home... just resting...
then i took some pictures...

2006 年 4 月 26 日 星期三 【晴】

shan 說...
我一直太習慣去這樣處理問題,
所以我一直都不開心. 事情會來的, 問題會來的.
如果我還搞不清楚, 不去狠心了結的話, 只會愈來愈不開心.
她說她沒有見過我開心的一天. 沒見我開心很久了.
也許會見到我笑得很開心, 可是當要回到現實時, 我還是那個不開心的我.

我在想... 該在那裡找我的位置.
很久沒有打中文字了.... hee..

美好的感情中找不到快樂, 那怎算是美好, 如何享受過程?
當我感到無限彼倦的時候, 我卻總說不出口.
不應該的感情又卻偏偏發生.
可是誰人又會了解那個無知的女孩將要承受的痛楚.
她這麼好, 雖然我和她素未謀面, 可我怎麼可以這樣傷害她.
誰被背叛了誰? 永遠都找不到真正的答案.
我什麼人都不怪, 可是... 這樣的困局還要持續多久啦?
我不可以傷害他, 他 和 她.
那我還可以做什麼.... 我願意去扛這個苦, 可是請告訴我怎麼辦才不會傷害到他們.

You have a bad day
Daniel Powter
this song is really great... i always hear this song in Vancouver... and he is from Van also =)
this mtv is so... familia... i saw the sky trin and the buildngs are like in downtown

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day ohhh
You had a bad day

***

nice huh?
hummmm today... Group Dynamic class was quite fun...
we do the brain storming all together in class...
so funny... Dr. Greene asked... why a man come to Heaven, then at first already know
that man is Adam... then my turn i said... coz EVERYONE 'S CALLED ADAM THERE =p.
hahaha then Dr. Greene said NO WAY CASTOR ! hahaha... then Rami told him...
NO... YOU COULDNT BANG ANYONE'S IDEAS hahahahaha... then all of us laugh !
yea ... coz that's thr rule what hahahaha... i laugh very loud ... haha..
then we also discuss... how to solve the problem, as in... no paper in the toliet.
Dr. Greene asked me how to fix.. then i said... erhhh... doesnt matter.
Huh??? doesnt matter??? yea... coz i wont use. then classmates laugh again... hahaha...
hummm then finally after a while i come up another reason... i said...
cozi wont wanna see tha paper at that toliet ! it's so dirty !!!

yea... funny class today... and finally we hand in the report.
and the self assignment paper is returned... shit... i m lower the average.
average is 24.2, i got 23.5 total score is 30...Dr. Greene said my example is not concrete enough.
he said he could predict my good points, but yet i havent really written down.
that means... i write too much in detials, but not pointing straight to the point.
okay, i really appreciate the comments. man..... yea.. i always have this problem on my writing.
i think i've improved alot already... but still serious though... cccccc.....

alright...
i shut up now. talking too much =)
***

>>April 27, 2006 at 12:52:24 PM GMT+8

2006 年 4 月 25 日 星期二 【晴】

hello...

today i stayed at home, read some articles... searching for information... for Gender Role report.
then also forward the e-mails out... coz wanan share with you guys =)
hummmm some interesting articles abt relationship stuffs.
mostly abt men thinking.
then later i'm goona study for my final exam for Group Dynamics.
hummmmmmmmm i know the "report" due to tomorrow, but ... i havent really "done" anything
about the report. i wonder what i should do now.. strange.... just hang in that paper would be enough?
i'm not so sure..

last night, i slept early, around 1 am. well... i couldnt really sleep..
sleep then wake, sllep then wake... coughing seriously..
then finally woke up... drink some water then rest... watching tv- the movie from cable tv...
then sleep again... i really woke up late... coz too tired and sick..
then... i guess i got someone's the second sms then i woke up...
i didnt really mean to get up, but woke already.
then still lay in bed... lazy to get up... tired... i got his sms, hahaha...
then.. i replied and replied... then finally woke up lor.... i guess we sms too much...
so funny... thanks for someone huh~ give me a sweet start of today.

hummm in the evening, i hang out..
i met Shan(Agnes), one of my best friend, at a taiwanese tea house.
we chated for... almost 3 hrs i guess? i forgot... didnt really count.
hummm i also took an informal interview... for my Gender Role class, that report.
hummmmmm how to say... now, she's the only one who completely know what's happening.
of course i also know... but yea.. i mean in friend groups... she's the only one knows.
we chat for quite long... we talk abt everything... her life, my life..
yea... ahhhh i really wanna tell every-close friends when i settle down all the affairs.
especially my another best friend, Jackie... we know each otehrs re on line...
but we dont talk to each others =P pretty funny yeh! yea we're like that.
but... we both know each others very well... we dont contact doesnt mean we forget @other,
but means... we know @others is fine ;) hahahaha... same... we talk abt everything.
also Ade, Cyn and Vicvic...

hummmmm here i have some big challenges...
somehow i'm not confident to break through them.

ahhh let you know one more thing..
the Raffle Campus ( not SG one), the HK one is coming soon!!!
that means... we would be able to take the courses at a new nicer campus soon.
ahhhhhh which also means... i dont need to go to SG to complete my degree.
that's kindda good news... yea, that's the e-mail telling about from the U.S. campus.

okay...
trying to solve problems everyday...
plz stay strong cas... you should stay strong..
coz you're castor lau.
hummm kindda like putting god aside...
at this moment, i dont know how to face my god, how to face the relationship,
but i do know god is with me.. he knows everything...
well, i really dontk now how to... ... you know... it's really hard...

anyway, thanks you guys're here reading this entry... do you enjoy it?
hahaha... i dont know... you tell me... you should let me know =) nah... just kidding..
you dont have to do that... but i do appreciate you're here, really =) THANKS*
Thanks for Shan(Agnes), thanks for God, and everyone.

i'm pretty stressed, tired...
***

>>April 26, 2006 at 3:33:46 PM GMT+8

2006 年 4 月 24 日 星期一 【晴】

wanna share something here...
anyone is welcome to here sit and listen...
what's cas like in your eyes?

lately have been busy and struggling in diff situations.
dealing with lots of ppl, copping with diff stuffs... hummm finally getting sick.
how long cas hasnt really "cough" ? pretty long i guess... like ard 2 years.
yea, cough... dont feel like to eat, cant rest well.
and finally i'm slimming down abit... ahhh... today i put on my jeans then i found that...
i should buy the 36 instead of 38 (Esprit edc size), not really 38".
huuummmmm.... but ok la... maybe next time i buy the smaller size.

Ade, re you here? hahaha i slim down le hahaha!!! remember i've told you that i wanna slim down?
coz when i back, everyone said i 'm fat fat.. then now i slim down =P hee finally.
i guess... coz of my bad eating habits, and the job really tiring me... no mood to eat..
and school stuffs, relationship, other things... totally no mood to eat.
then lately... finally yeaterday or few days ago, i fall sick.

really got alot of stuffs is on my mind now, haha...
that day i went to church to meet SOMA. hahaha... yea, so long time havent seen them..
i guess before i left, i didnt say bye to them.
then that day, E-man asked me..she didnt know i've left. hahah she stared at me and laughing!!
hahaha... PKY also said that... "huh? castor left already?"
yea... i'm so soooooryyyy guys... hahaha... i didnt contact much ppl, when i left.
coz... i dont wanna feel upset mah... at that time, i havent decided how long i would stay.
i was supposed to stay much longer than 6 months.
then actually when i was in Van, i did call back to HK, call yo guys la... but no one answer my call!
hahahaha... so funny... i really love these guys lor... they're my nice nice dudes~
always take care of me, stay in school, study together la ~
but that day, not everyone coming ot church, so... i really wish to see them again!
E-man said... they always hang around "After5"... oh my god... i was there on my 18th bdae.
with Shan(Agnes) that time. only two of us, hahaha... so funny..
that was my 1st time to go pub. then after that, we went to Water's home... to have party la!
that was my very un forgettable birthday ! they're so crazy... throwing the cake everywhere!
oh my god... hahahaha... i still remember that Danis was the most crazy one.

last time... Cman called me.. said... Christy and other ppl would organize the BBQ...
then finally no response hahaha!!! aiya~~~ then now they said go KTV lor.
i dont know la... call me anytime... anythign you guys like la... i ve no comments.
i will come anyway! hahah.... yea... Tai Po got a new Neway now. so... go check it out!
i seldom go KTV ... i think... around 4 or 5 times in 2 or 3 years ?
i seldom go watching movie also... but in Vancouver, i always go with my schoolmates.
hahaha@@ school activities !!! walking down boardway to 5th Ave ? is it?
somewhere near to the Granvile Island. and sometimes we go downtown or Stadium lor.
sigh... really missing those lovely days.

today,
i woke up late... feel sick..
then... iddnt eat anything le... then have class from 12 30 - 3 30.
meeting aunt after school. we went to Esprit... i know i will spend some money at that store again.
sigh....... so bad Cas !!! YOU SHOULDNT BUY ANYMORE~~~
but the tub and tan are just soooooo nice!!! ><
hummm =( then... yea... we sit down eatting something..
today i didnt really eat.

Gender Roles Class:
Definition of Extramarital Affairs:
1) LYING -- it's just the begining, but usually processing to the cheating.
2) EMOTION or SEXUAL INVOLVEMENT -- non-sexual thinking, but related to emotion also counted.

Types of Extramarital Affairs:
1) COMPENSATIONAL (the most common one)-- you're not satisfied
2) PROTECTIVE (also very common)-- men, dont look at women as that weak, we dont need your
pity or help. Women... dont act so weak, can ? Hell NO. Otherwise where got so many cases?
3) OLD LOVE (oh my god..it kills)-- WHO IS YOUR EX? DONT KEEP CONTACT WITH HER/HIM !!!
4) PLAYBOY TYPE(i hate this)-- if the girl really meet this type of guy, plx and hope you be rational.
5) CHINESE TRADITIONAL TYPE (huh...now also have?)-- hummm kindda crazy..

Yedda was sitting beside me, she said... cas, it's like your case.
i wonder how much she knows.
i think... no one really know the 100% from me. i didnt really tell what's going on.
even my diary here or blog at friendster, i dont write the whole story or any detials.
i didnt tell my best friends, close friends. but Yedda's right... this is exactly my case.
Extramarital Affairs. i'm inside... "i'm the third party."
dont be shock... i also dont really understand, and i 'm stucking in..
the feeling is... i dont hate myself. i was like ... i really dont like "third party" or that rubbish
guy or rubbish girl... but then now... i seem understand what the ppl think. i dont hate myself.
i dont hate that guy. and Mr.Chan is right... when you really fall in love, you would not be
that moral, couldnt be. for me... i dont wanna hurt anyone.. so... i rather stepping out.
i was upset when i know i m the third party... even though i know he wouldnt like me to say i am.
i dont wanna comment for anymore. if you really concern on me... hang out with me =)
keep me away from this cave. here, i dont wanna say so much.
you might ask abt... Benny or who is this guy..
i just wanna say... that's not the affiar you should know too much.
i also dont know what to tell you. i just tell you... this is very complicated. thanks for the concerns =)
sigh.... religion, or psychology ?
help me...

today, i finally fax the letter to Singapore Postal Office.
Uncle Simon kept the parcel for me now... Really Thanks him so much!
but i dont know what to do with the parcel... hummmm.... sigh..
i didnt contact Benny. i dont know how to face the diff ppl now... so bad..
Benny, someone, the girl... sigh...

come back later..
***

>>April 25, 2006 at 1:42:27 PM GMT+8

2006 年 4 月 23 日 星期日 【晴】

today is very sick..
sigh... never been free.

kindda supprised got an e-mail from uncle Simon.
He's willign to help me to take the parcel ... :'(
he e-mial me telling me the situation from the postal office... so nice...
then i have to write the fax to sg postal office... hummm hope simon has forgiven me..

hummm today morning, busy doing research about hotels in hk.
coz someone's coming over.. so i do the research and comparasion for him.
hummm till quite late, around 2 50 pm then i left home...
i was a bit late to class again... sigh... i know Dr. Greene was not happy about that.
we hd some group activities and group discussion for the project.
very nice, soon to get done. i wonder what i should do in the report. gotta talk with Rami.

then back home, and busy sitting in front of the com...
i think i'm slow... that's why it takes quite long to finish the hotel report...
in the morning i used almost 2 hrs, and back home.... i used ard 3 hrs- 4 hrs to complete
one booksheet(Excel) and one page of word doc. i really dont remember...
hummmm i was doing diff things at time actually... school stuffs, working stuffs...other affairs..
so i was very... stress, and everyone on line keep talking to me... very busy...
but okay. get things done already.
i will be very busy from tomorrow till the middle May.
good luck.

i'm sick... finally i'm sick...
but not fever that kind of serious illness..
recently, i don feel like to eat, i cant sleep well.. i just sleep so short, like 6 or 7 hrs..
but everyday very busy, going out in the morning or early morning, then coming home at night,
but still have to stay in front of the com, doing paper work or research, net stuffs...
then at night, someone call me, i was not very good in mood... very tired and stress..
my someone usually cheer me up... but since we know more abt the relationship,
the more problems coming..
sigh... dont know what to say...
i was telling him... the truth... i wanna seperate things clear to him.... coz....
things cant be that blur... the more blur happening...ppl suffer more... he might not feel this way yet.
sooner or latter he would ? i'm not sure.
he would feel like... my words is very sharp to him, then hurt him...
but what i'm supposed to say or do than... yea... might not happy... then ppl better think twice.

i'm too straight forward huh? i dont know, but i would take care of it.

just now saw op bba, Jason on line... hahaha... nice pictures!!!
i think i look quite fat in those pics... aaacccccc...... haha.. but really missing those days in Van.
anyway, i always think of him and other frineds ...
pray for Jason(Jong Hoon)!!!! coz he's gonna take the result from SamSung Electronic Compnay!
perhaps i didnt spell wrong. anyway, good luck op bba !!! haha

hummmm... thanks for him, the someone coming over... i dont know what i should do...
coz... i dont wanna... i dont wanna do this and that.

may god bless everyone.
wishing you have nice sleep cas.
***

>>April 24, 2006 at 5:02:03 PM GMT+8

2006 年 4 月 22 日 星期六 【晴】

last night, aunt Priscilla came over home...
then we ate out together. dad and aunt talking talking talking... hahaha..
yea, she's my dad very very close friend.

hummmmm...
sharing some thinking of mine with you guys here..

recently, too much things coming together, from school, from family, from benny, from other friends
and ppl, working, diff ways were coming to me. i was very stress, very high in emotion.
everyday the brain turing on, everyday think of all diff things.
so... days by days... i dont even know what 's the date of today.
seems like passing through so long already.
i think this is life.
from the early morning, wake up then have breakfast, go out till night coming home.
do some rest, talking with family, eatting dinner, resting then sleep.

i dont really feel like to socialize with ppl, coz... in the day time, we'd never stop socializing.
isnt that true? in school or at work... every min is socializing.
so, coming home... i'm very tired... and i just want to rest, do something not really dealing with
lots of ppl or stuffs from school. but i have a talkative family. so, guess what?
hahaha... i keep myself away from them. it's not good, coz i love family life.
but i'm really tired from outside.

family is family, school is school, work is work..
relationship is relationship, friendship is friendship... everything sould be seperated.
but my brian is not so smart. hahaha..

anyway, talk about other things.
really missing Shan(Agnes), she's really really busy... wishing to hang out with her.
when she will call me? she's a real busy person. she could be a very strong business woman.
me? hummm i could be, i think i would be a good time management business woman hahah..
but me, i'm that more concern on resting, health than business. not very good business type =P

hummmm...
relationship...
how to say ... . . . . . . .

hey, got a call from ManYing, =) so long havent seen SOMA since i'm back!!!
i'm gonna go church seeing them now .
i'm a bit affraid... coz.... long time no see.. but really wanna see them.
join them o worship god.
but so bad, coz i'm not ready yet.
***

>>April 23, 2006 at 9:03:15 AM GMT+8

2006 年 4 月 21 日 星期五 【晴】

Last night, something happened.
i started to think if i am really that "bad"... going to be the third party.
i claim that i didnt know anything about it, before.
ppl might ask, what happened, cas?
castor didnt tell what happened beside school life, lately.

coz... even if you know, you cant help me.
i've been talking too much in the past 1.5 year. why should i still remember the sad memorry
or repeating to every friends what had happened, how bad i felt, how worse he felt.
it's not the point of sharing... it's kind of harmful.
happy things should be shared... sad things... not all should be shared.
problems... should be fixing by my own... coz... i find that... when anyone's involved,
the problems usually become larger.

the more ppl is involved... the more problems come...
the more problems come, i would feel more stress and puzzled..
and ppl ard me would ask more, wanna know more,... it's the cycle.

i've read a story from internet.
if you really love your mate, stay with her, dont turn back, dont turn around.
you should be concentrated on her only. if you find you like other girl else,
you should ask yourself, why it happened and what to do.
never ever think of... having two girlfriends. it'd never worked.
if i were the one of them, i would rather been stepping out.
ppl... are supposed to be comitted to be each others... if it's boken...
could it be fixed or how to maintian?
no passion, no love. you dont even have the feelings... that kind of crazy for her feelings.
no intimacy no love... you guys're not close to each others... not talking about physically,
that's more inner... the sharing, depth connection and supports.
how about the supports? getting along, giving feedback, respect each other's life, stuffs like
that. did you do that? are you guys doing that?

i dontk now... i'm so confused...
i mean... if i were one of the parties, i would be pretty upset...
coz... i would feel like suddenly i got the angel, but then suddenly, i gotta face more questions.
he would leave me anytime... or since that girl found out, it must be the time for me to leave...
not that... free rights for love.. it's about... the guilt and ... ... uncertian feelings.
not saying that if now i do this, then next time i would do the same...
but the point is... more or less you know you're not that "committed" to a relationship.

if it'd never meant to be mine, then why come to me...
i dont need any pity from God or from anyone.
i wanna ask... if that's just for a period... when it would stop... could it last? could it last ?
or i should pray, plx let it last ?
the answer is what ?
i feel damn bad ... ... if i were that girl, i would be very confused.
yea, thanks for the angel coming to life that's for sure... but why... why it's so short.
especially,... when you dont wanna hurt ppl.. the more you would suffer.
if you just dont care abt ppl, you might not need to suffe that much.
you could just steal the guy away, and live happliy with him, that could be possible.
you be kind for what... that girl is very stupid. she shouldnt care about too much.
till now, she's still being stupid, to be kind to ppl... when i read this story, i feel very bad for her.
guys, if you know me well, you should know abt where the story from, and who im talking to.

***

i have the early class today, from 10am - 1 pm, Group Dynamics.
we do some quizs and class activities, and lastly we have group discussion for project.
then... last night... i slept at 5 am. why? hummmmm shouldnt ask me le.. haha..
then i waked by a call, ard..... 7 am... then finally i slept again..
and then... hummmmmmm i over slept...
dont ask me le..

***

>>April 22, 2006 at 12:09:44 PM GMT+8

2006 年 4 月 20 日 星期四 【晴】

i could have lots to share with you guys here,
but the point is... when i sit down here, i couldnt get the information from my messy mind.

today had class, Gender Role.
hahaha we watche the movie, the really real stories of diff kinds of ppl...
they're talking about sex and intimate relationship.
in class, we're not talking about morality and religion. we're just talking about psychology.
so... we say this and that 's good for psychological growth, but actually, they're all not allowed
in certain religions. really big conflicts....

today, before class, i woke up quite abit earlier, got a phone call haha..
then... i look at my phone... i found out something. hummm hahaha...
then i go wash up, dress up and make my own breakfast.
and then... got a call from aunt Ketty. and yea chating with her for a while..
then i go to school. having fun in group also, Yedday, me, Boey, Candy and Season.
nice girls !!! hummm okay.

after class, met Aunt Pricilla.... at Sha Tin...
i waited for her ard an hr... she's soooo late...
then we ate something and walk around... then i back home.

hummm uncle Simon told me the bad news..
hummm he got the card from benny's mom old office.
that means benny really didnt get that card. and that post is gonna coming back to me.
it's really awful... i dont even want to see it...
yea, that, the post, is my love for him, and how could i reject my love coming back to me?
like the mom reject giving hug to her crying baby... sick..
so... ppl, any ideas? should i collect both two posts? or i should throw them away?
the first one is still on my desk. everytime i look at it i'm angry and pretty upset.
and i know somone had touched it. i didnt ask my family who've ever touched the post..
i dont dare to ask, coz i 'm affraid that my family would ask me back...
like what's inside??? he posts to you??? how's he now ???
i dontk now what i should say..
uncle Simon is angry at me, coz he thinks... i'd never trusted him...
he told me the address was not accurated, but i still send over... Simon thinks i choose to believe
benny even though he did warn me. i asked if simon willing to pick up the post for me first.
simon refused... then i might could ask benny to contact simon... but simon also refused.
sigh................................. so bad... so terrible..
i'm so sorry for simon... but i gotta send to that address.
coz that's what benny told me to do. he said that would be fine. he's my boyfriend, i'm
supposed to trust him... yea i was angry when i heard him saying the address is fine.
well, i thought he tried to let me post the stuff to him and he would at least went back that
building to pick up the card, and go to postoffice to take my post.
but the hell no... he 'd never done that. actually i ve told him to take the card, a few days ago..
but now you see... he didnt do that...not that he should do whatever i ask him to.
but that's what he promised me, but why? it's just so little thing... i think it's the last thing he
could try to do at least ? but he didnt do anything? or he did but i dont know !? sigh...
i think he must have his own reasons..... but i dont care..

***

>>April 21, 2006 at 2:48:16 PM GMT+8

2006 年 4 月 19 日 星期三 【晴】

today...

i was a bit over slept... but then still caught on the same train =P
then started work at 8 30 till 2 pm.
why? coz today is damn busy, and i really hate doing this job...
i kept checking my phone(in the store room), coz... yea for some reasons.
then dad called me, heehee.. i called back and he said aunt would have lunch with us.
then i asked my manager, if i could leave at 2 pm instead..
yea, i was leaving for dim sum. so happy... and then... i was late to class also..
class started at 3 45, but i was 30 mins late. oh you guess what... Tom is later than me.
anyway, good class... doing fine on the project. i think it's lucky to work with Rami..
coz... his ideas are really great.

i think... when i work at PCC, i really found some uncomfortable feelings.
like... how could my manager same age as me, but less knowledgeable than me.
yea, she and he are skilled, can run the business fine... but they cant make big profits.
i wonder why. and then... the management, the customer service... i dont think they do well.
oh my gosh... buti gotta listen to what they say, follow every single words from them,
just coz ... his and her position are higher than me.
and i'm still the damn fresh person, keep doing washing and cleaning all the time.
before i joint this "TEAM", the dis.manager told me this job required team work.
i dont find myself in the effective group. it's pretty much like the pseudogroup.
this job doesnt require any team work bascily, they just want me to listen and follow what they
ask me to do. and i feel totally frustrated... coz... i wish to do the team work, fair work..
bu the fact is nope. you could say i'm not patient enough... but it's also the fact that...
there're some communication problems or systematic problems in this company.
i think even Mc Donald's is better than this PCC, even though MC.D pays much less.

however, after class, i've taken a sec interview + brefing for my new part-time job.
great. i'm gonna work in a "bo xi xue siao". i'm not gonna teach, but do backup work.
mostly diff kinds of paper work. great... i think i would be happier.

anyway, hummmmm...
i was thinking very seriously, i have been thinking of diff parts, which i'm referring to
sth that i dont really wanan tell right here... hummm...
the point is... i got accept what had happened, i gotta aceept about my feelings...
to respect the real situation with the feelings or thinking...
conflicts, ... but i should make the decision... hummm... today, the class is talking about
decision making. there're 7 methods... but which one could be applyed ?
no one. hummmmmmmmmmm..... i should wait, not wait for anyone... but wait for the situation.

i ve more to write i guess? but i forget what i should write already...
a very long day today.... sigh....

by the way,
thanks for Henry..... he would know what i mean =)
***

>>April 20, 2006 at 2:59:36 PM GMT+8