2006 年 1 月 2 日 星期一 【晴】

a bad long day...

i have a very long entry of today, (not here)
and kindda boring... then i'm not posting at here.

real friends know me well, they know where i'll post my entry.
darling doesnt know, he might know, i m not sure...
but i'm NOT telling him every little things in detials...
coz it's just not necessary, right =)

oh... but i miss him... i really miss him...
at the end of the day, i found that i really miss him.

then of course, when i was sitting in class, staring out of the window...
theat recalls lots of memorries from canada, from my vpc, from my lovely dearest friends...
yea, how re they doing now? i miss them, really.

i had a bad long day...
i feel sick, i got pissed, i got anger, i got thinking, then i got learnt something,
and i've found so much things...

then i'm gonna work hard, stay strong, be brave, stay happy working, stay happy life,
try to understand more more and more...
respect and appricate life =) hee

I LOVE YOU DARLING!!! give me hug hug...
opps,... he's not here =)

***
by the way, my heart beats faster, and i feel pain when i got stressed up after drinking coffe.
my heart is beating faster, and i feel pain...
right now.

***

>>January 3, 2006 at 3:09:29 PM GMT+8

2006 年 1 月 1 日 星期日 【晴】

Happy New Year Castor and all of my dearest friendssss and also my faily and darling of course!
hahaha =D ^^
in this 2006, i wanna say onething.... that castor, me, i love the all of you ^^.
and hope Jesus's love is always there with all of you.

i got a nightmare lastinght... it was very very sad and scared.
i dreamt that my best friend dead, and... LSC got attacked by gangs.
then a guy who's like Andy Lau became my boyfriend. He first behaves so sweet, so strong,
protect me from the gangs then take me out of the lab ( the place was controled by the gangs).
then when i knew my best frined's dead... then he didnt really care for me,
i was upset and heart broken.
THIS DREAM IS REALLY REAL LIKE, MAKE MY SCARED, i didnt realize it was a dream.
when i wake up, i still feel upset and scared. it was CRAZY.... but so real... i was sad.

ahhhh, i'm * HEADACHE ...
i didnt come to here or friendster's blog to blog...
i feel so tired and stressed... how to say...

i did one thing very wrong in the last class actually.
hummm...
yea, then on 5th, i will have my first mid-term. i feel so worried... and stressed.
i got a few chapters to read and i feel so stressed...
coz i still ve to do other stuffs... and my.. okay i stop.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hummm go back to the 2005,
the last day, i was in Causeway Bay with Hong,
coz he accompany me to the libray. then we hang around Causeway Bay.
Thanks Hong, coz he helps me to find some useful books for the research.
then we took ferry to Tsim Sha Tsui, yup =P i went to Star House to visit my friends at McDonald's.
wow, i miss them so much! when i saw them, i feel sooooo happy... youk now...
i was so excited to see them... yea, i love my friends from Star Team.... but Sankie was sent to
025, Peaking Road. ahhhhh Sankie asked me to go there to help her.
she can offer me $ 21/hr.... of course i'm so happy... coz no more $ 17.3 haha
but you know... it's still a very low price.... but... i can learn more... and i will be happy to work
with her... though no more the Star House 056....(Star||)
we all used to work at Star||, so i really miss the days in Star||... i dont know...
coz i dont really want to work, too. i'm tired from my studies easily.... so bad, right?
yea castor... is very bad...

oh yea, kidda good news from my aunt =)
she 's also my friend, actually all of my aunts re very very friendly and nice to me =)
so we all got good realtionships whether they're married or yet. (ONLY for my mom's side)
i m not close with my aunts or uncles with dad's side. dont ask me why =)
then, Aunt Ching, gossiped with me (chatting with me ahah^^) that almost all of my cousins
re dating now,... wah hai... what does she try to imply hahaha? hahaha... yea i know i know.
yea, they, are all around my age huh, re all dating, even my cousins re good looking or not.
good for them la... i didnt tell aunt about my date and any other stuffs about realtionship.
only Aunt Pricilla, the one i lived with in Canada, knows about Benny. hee =)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know what, i'm so happy that lately i ve talk with darling =)
by the way... dont know if it'll be possible to recieve the things from darling.
if i say it's my heart looking forward to recieving things from him,
let's say i better dont have any hope at first. haha... when i know it'll be a chance to recieve
whatever he wanna give me, i was pretty =). haha...
whatever it would be, still would be able to cheer me up and supprise me.

and dont know how're my friends doing there?
re they still enjoying happy holidays? i really miss them...
yea Ade' right, we're less in contact now. i really miss them alot alot...
and my teachers, other friends there.... i really miss them alot alot.
and Hak Gon, he went to army service today.
yesterday i saw him on line.. then i've chated with him for a while.. wish him luck ;>

Lim, a friend from darling... she invites me to her home in the coming christmas.
haha let's have some ham and drink in the warm christmas haha...
if i can come, i would go over her home ^^ heehee.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sharing ----
just now i read a long article on net, about the guys's thinking.
hummm i found there're lots of differences between guys and women.
guys dont like women talk to much, but women do like to talk.
guys tend to know the "breif" version. it doesnt mean they dont care what women thinks,
or what women have to say, but just dont want everything in detials.
oh, there're still lots of funy foundings,... hummm but i dont want to write down a report
for that article now =)

hummm through this article and the conversations with darling,
i found that... actually i understand more the differences between men and women,
and i'm happy that help me quite much to communicate with darling, and understand him more.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


i feel stressed and headache now...
sigh.... *STRESSED *HEADACHE !!!!

but i'm happy with all the challenges in life and coz of it,
i could explore more and learn more.
my life is valued by myself, and God, not by others.

i miss my friends, i miss him, i miss my memorries with them.

* HEADACHE... !!!
i'm so affraid of my mid term and paper.... sigh... and one more pop up qiz and the reports..
>< !!!! i'm so worried and stress...... !!

***

>>January 2, 2006 at 10:43:08 AM GMT+8

2005 年 12 月 29 日 星期四 【晴】

I'm a Red Girl =P
What's Your True Color?
Castor, your true color is Red!

Your color is red, the color of racy sportscars, blushing cheeks, and luscious roses.
Red symbolizes passion, romance, and love. So, since you're ruled by red,
you probably trust your feelings more than your brain and tend to act spontaneously.

If you see something you want, you go for it without thinking twice —
impulsive is your middle name. You don't wait around for people to make decisions,
either; you dive right in. Quite the romantic, you pay close attention to your emotions.
In fact, if your heart isn't in what you're doing, you won't be satisfied.

Of course, even when you do pour all your energy into the projects you tackle,
your impetuous nature means your passions can shift as frequently as the wind.
That's why some reds have trouble with commitment.

Our advice? Next time you're feeling fickle, think before you act, if possible.
You might be surprised at the results. Overall, though, it's great to be red.
No one lives life more completely than you do.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

well, after class, and the disscussion with group,
then back to tai po,
and guess what =P ?
finally i went to the resturant to meet my old buddies !!!! LSC 5D!!!!
and i saw Miss Mei Yi also ^^ hee
then i was supprised by Tung lor, then in side the room, i saw Miss Mei Yi,
then i saw Hong ! yea ! finally i will watch Harry Potter with Hong ! =P
perhaps he would walk his promise ... otherwise i'll beat him up !
then yea... Tung is very sick today... sigh... shoud drink too much la him =P
hahaha... Tung came in the room with me, coz he saw me ...
then my buddies said we're together again... what...
they used to say we're couples... from F. 2 to F. 5, never stopped.
then now, also saying we're couples, hahaha... funny !
then yea, he left early, and i ve to go home, too.
so we left together, hahaha...
then he sent me back to home first. great, coz he told me lots of things...
sigh... perhaps he'll feel better soon !
anyway, Hong and Tung re both nice guys, and i'm a nice girl, they both treat me so well,
so we 're always be suspected as the couples, i mean me and Tung and somehow,
ppl said me and Hong were couples...
but... i dont know why... we three re just good friends... no more than that...
yea, if any of them fell with me, i would be very happy though... haha...
well, kidda true and kidda kidding. coz... you know... the situation is diff from high school now.
in lsc.... there were some guys ve been mentioned with me... but... no one was real.
and i dont now why we just didnt really had the relationship haha.
maybe coz we're still young. so it's really pure friendship ! =P
anyway, i'm so gad... hat... even all the nice guys dead, no one for me,
i still ve those two lovely guys would give me a friendly hug, which mean the total support from
my real friend. yea... Hong did that... and Tung also ...

yea, why havent any news from Hak Gon huh?
he's in army already? hahaha... i dont know, maybe he drinks too much w/ friends lately...
haha... wish him well, my dearest baby son. ^^ !

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

lately, my aunt wants to seperate with my uncle...
i know she's pretty upset for 7 years, but... now she gives their marrage another chance.
see.... what would happen... i hope they'll be fine...

well, i'm still with my darling, now... though i dont know when i would not be able to stand again.
hummmmmmm but now, i'm.... yup... wiating...

i love him, but...... you know relationship is really strange...
i do want to respect him and our realtionship,
so i really wanna quit telling friends about our affairs, and i'm doing fine with it =)
in the certain degrees... i stopped telling, and i fell better, i guess he feels better , too.
so... i'm really happy for what i've changed for him, and also really good for myself.

the real thing is.... i cant deny that i'm really red.
i'm a red girl,... i love purple, blue, white and black, but i'm red.
hummm yea... i feel very interesting about my color.
i think it's nurture. i mean only nurture could explain why i still keep my commitment...
Jesus teach me =) and darling is training me haha... so i really give thanks to my darling, too.
oh well, i'm young, very kiddish for him... yup...
then ... yea... there're many feelings in my heart now.
i really miss him, and i do know the relationship without the intamacy would probaly....
couldnt work out, malfunction,... coz it's instinct.
but i also know... i'm living with the faith not the seek, with Jesus.
i feel pain, but it's telling me i'm growing, i'm learning.... from... different hard situations.
i dont know what would happen, coz i cant take the control, but i do trust that... Jesus is w/ me,
and i choose to be with my faith and... my own rule and our promise with Him and him.
ahhh i mean... i cant predict what 'd happen and i ve no rights to determine that,
but i can choose to end up or stay...
i choose to stay... for no specific reasons, stupid enough, but it's really true that my decision
is supporting him, my darling to ... do what he wants... and... it's valued.
maybe that's called the love. i just want him happy....
yup, castor has the need to be loved and concerned, cherished ... (not just promise)
i dontk now when i will collapes... but right now i'm fine =)
so... i will stay till the last min.... hope he would take his time and understand that i'm supporting,
and waiting for him...
but if someday i cant stand anymore, there'll be no more tolerance with him.
it's also true ... yup... so... realll hope he would take his time and... he would be happy.

sounds like, i always pull out his shortcoming, but mentioned so less about his good.
hummmmm... i know i'm wrong... and i apporigize to him in the public here.
and yup, i'm adjusting well to.... tell less and less about our affairs.... okay...
my limit re there, not so far from where we are standing now.
the point is.... i hope he would take his time =) coz i really love him but i cant accept even more.

finish.

***

>>December 30, 2005 at 3:51:35 PM GMT+8

2005 年 12 月 28 日 星期三 【晴】

^^

hummm i'm soooo happy today!
i got Angeline's christmas card yesterday. haha...
i finally got Hak Gon's letter ^^ just now wow~
hahaha, although it's a bit late, it's still very very very glad to recieve his letter!
he draws some cute pictures in the letter hahaha ^^ so nice !
he draws me my neo pet's picture, which i put on msn info !!! hahaha!!!
it's been so long time ago i ve put that cute picture on net... haha...
yea, i didnt removed that neo pet, coz it's already dead in net,.....
but i still loved my neo pet alot...
hummm i'm not a good pet keeper, that's also why i dont keep pet. it's dead for so long already.
i didnt know how to play games with it on line, i'm so sucks in games....
then i feed it on line, but i was too busy, and i didnt know how to play with it...
so... it dead.... then i still keep it's picture on my msn info.
anyway, i'm really supprised that Hak Gon found my info in msn ! haha...
coz... i used to heard that ppl dont read msn info nowadays... so... yea...
but it's my neo pet, though it's dead already, i still keep it in my mind.

Hak Gon uses the very cute paper to write me! it's like there're lots of stickers! haha ^^
so lovely, it's been sooooooooooo long time, since junming stops writting me letter,
then i'd never got this kind of nice looking paper ^^ i'm really happy !
he picks up a really nice christmas card that make me guilty... haha...
coz i didnt really choose a nice one for him... i just didnt know which kind of card he likes...
his card is very special =) this card is the one i love most this year ^^
i got... hummm Queenie(one of my best friend), Sheila(my cousin), Alesja(my close frined from Germeny),
Angeline (my best friend in Singapore) and Hak Gon's card !
wow! i'm pretty happy ^^ !! heehee~~~

Alesja, i just miss you so much! Mi Hyeon you too!!! ahhh i keep Alesja and Mi Hyeon's bears on
my bed with me every nights,... so every nights before i fall asleep, i look at them,
they're the good bears, they dont cry, they just smile to me, they're so quiet ^^
sounds like... saying... " Castor, sleep sleep sleep zzzzz "
hahaha, yea, everytime i see them, i miss those two lovely friends there...

Hak Gon is going to army camp, actually i know i will miss him so much... ><
but i know... someday we will meet again... at least on net...
then i'll walk my promise =) i'll send him the nicest chocolate from HK !
hummm yes...
He said, he'd never known my drawing is nice, hahaha... actually my drawing is not nice...
hahaha... thanks for him !!!! haha... then...... he's really funny haha. he jokes with me.
>< !!! it will make me miss him alot...

yes, my neo pet is a girl... hahaha... She's a girl, not a him.
although she's not good looking, she's fat, she's big size, she's lazy and weak...
she's my only neo pet =) yea... she's dead already... but still'd be my only neo pet,
coz i dont keep any pets anymore.
Anyway, really thanks for his letter and sharing... it's really supportive and lovely ^^
from his busy life, he's willing to ve a plan on my letter, i really wanna thanks him =)
i wish him a good trip later on, and ve a wonderful year ahead !
"be a real man" hahaha... that's what some guy said.. haha...

Here's our picture:


Hak Gon and me


Alesja with me


Mi Hyeon and me

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wow, last night i've found something that i'm appricated by him.
i do trust if there's +ve things more that -ve things, the world would be better,
more beautiful... and the inner beauti is always more attractive than the appearance.
=) hee. Thank Ya....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back to School...
Organizational Behavior Class: here we go..

Today, we read one half Chapter... so tired...
just now after class, i chated with Yedda about the research paper, then back to Tai Po,
but some salad for lunch... not really desire to eat...
morning, i had hot soy milk, and an egg for breakfast. i made myself breafast hee.
then i went to school, and buy a morning coffe... then have class.
i've chated with teacher today. haha he saw me on last thursday afterschool.
he said i was walking to jordon, yea i was... coz i was going to buy my book.
haha then... i asked him if he saw me walking very fast... hahahaha !!
yea he saw me walking very very very fast. hahaha!
yea... he said so suddenly lost me in sight. haha... then i asked him if he had a nice christmas.

yup,... i stayed at home for 5 days... you can see actualyl how worse my social life huh?
hahaha... that's me... it's really different from the me in canada.
feel like hk social life 's sucks for me. hummm i did meet my best friends for a dinner,
then we exchange gifts. hee. yea, i did go back to LSC to join the super big party,
coz LSC is my old school, and i miss my teachers from there and my school.
but,... i could see the differences... i really love canada, and my friends i've met from there.

teacher told me he's not good in social life, too.
he likes to stay at home do some reading and sleeping... he did hang out with friends or do some
window shopping... good for him. i told him, i really understand.
yea, actually i'm same as him... i rather staying at home resting and be with my family.
actually,.... dont really feel interested to hang out too much now...
but depends on the "thing". if meeting friends for nothing, just hanging.. i might / might not go.
but it's a good time to be with, i absolutely go. i dont focus on the amount, but quality.
good meeting, once or twice are enough, dont need too much. i'm not demanding =)
good huh...

here we go, let's enjoy your days and life,
and like my dearest Hak Gon said, the past is also important, so need to count on days. haha.
no matter what happened, you'll be always able to ve a nice new start on tomorrow.
so,... i think we should give thanks to this beautiful creature, we have days and nights,
and we have life.

Thanks for jesus ;>
Thanks for Hak Gon !
Thanks Ya !

***

>>December 29, 2005 at 8:29:27 AM GMT+8

2005 年 12 月 27 日 星期二 【晴】

Nice huh?

Dont wanna talk about happy or unhappy stuffs =)
i just wanna share some nice photos with you all.

2005 年 12 月 26 日 星期一 【晴】

Last night was our boxing day...
then i didnt go out again... wah... including today, it's been 4 days havent been out.

i just dont wanan go out...
erhmmm,,, i got 3 gifts ^^ hee.
yea... then last night we had bbq at home, just for our family.

i'm very very tired now...
i just spent a really long time on research and reading notes and this and that.
there're lots of theories that i'd never heard of, then i gotta find out all the materials about
our topic. i'm interested in motivation and human behavior...
so,... i'm doing some research on motivation.

seeing darling on line, nice... we're both busy now, dont really talk.
but i did chat for a few mins with my friends, haha... funny huh? yea... it's true.
it's normal.... just cant catch up.

yea, after reading the friendster and my frined's blog just now during my little break time,
i ve the feelings that motivate me to come here...
well, i dont know what's that motivation for, or i dont know why i come actually.
i dont ve much to talk about... and then i dont know what's my feelings =)
oh but yea! i remember now !!
yea yea yea... i feel so happy for that girl, whom though i dont really know.
anyway! i saw her friendster's new testimonial hummmm heehee...
her boyfriend just left her a very sweet message there.
when two ppl re attracted to each others, then they're willing to give the love to each others.
so nice and so warm right =). the commitment comes along, how wonderful it is =)
congraudations to them really from the bottom of my heart!
and then for my friend... i know she's attracted again now =) so, i really wish her luck,
and she would have someone to love her, take care of her.
She deserves someone very nice and sincere to her. Good luck huh ;>

see, life is changing alot, castor.
there's not a really continoues status which lead to forver last.
this minute would start to fade out since the next min 's coming to you.
every sec comes but goes.
you cant catch on every sec in your life, even you catch, you cant keep.
you must let it go, coz the other sec is greeting you already.
it's like the star rain. short and fast.


Really give my blessing to that girl and for my friend =)
and keep praying, giving thanks for Jesus... coz of Him, i 'm happy with my life.
Thanks Him that giving me a wonderful family and a full of blessings life!
pray for his dady, too.

***

>>December 27, 2005 at 10:41:06 AM GMT+8

2005 年 12 月 24 日 星期六 【晴】

wow! i'm really smiling now ^^

i mean i'm happy =)

Happy Birthday Jesus !!! ^^
Thankyou Jesus, if there's no you, there'll not be so peaceful today, in the earth.
we're all dead already.
i know we still ve lots of conflitc everywhere in the world, and we have lots of bad things
happening everyday... but we do know the love is here from you.
the blessings from you would be always with your people.

hee,
you know what... last night actually nothing special happened,
but i watched a movie on tv with my family~~~ nice and warm.
that's a super funny yea touchingmovie, called " Home Alone"
the little naughty boy be left in home for a few days.
his family's all gone before the christmas eve. hahaha damn funny.
we all laugh a lot... very touching, too.
coz the end of the movie is... his mom's back, then he wishes what he said re never came
true again. though his family sucks, all the kids bully him alot...
he does wish he can have christmas with his family, not too lonely facing two theifs.
hahaha... the two stupid theifs re just so poor be joked by that little Kalvien.
haha...

i still vent baked my cake yet =P
hmmm waiting the for the kicten ready. mom is cleaning up.

before i left, i put the gifts i prepared for my two sisters and the ony two gifts i got
in to the pocket. not a pocket, is a bag =)
just haning on the door =P
then tomorrow, during bbq, then we can open up all the gifts! ^^ heehee

hummm happy that i sms to ade and kiana today morning, not really morning , but noon.
yup, ade would enjoy her christmas on own, then kiana might be in china now =P
i miss all of them... then...
i come on line, i got a testimonial from ade.
thanks ade ! thanks for the message there =)

after lunch, i come back to the com, i saw him on line. hee..
=)

i'm happy ^^
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jesus Love

Thankyou Jesus =)
I'm Happy.
* Smile =)

2005 年 12 月 23 日 星期五 【晴】

"The great proof of madness is the disproportion of one's designs to one's means."
Napoleon I

2005 年 12 月 21 日 星期三 【晴】

yesterday was a long day, but happy =)
today is a very tired day but fine.

2005 年 12 月 19 日 星期一 【晴】

" We may say that people need to show themselves worthy of respect before
we can respect them. But respeceting another is much more about who
we are than about who the other person is. "



well... perhaps all has been gone already.
i really hope there would be a fair deal to those farmers.
have you ever thought that how tough the life is being a farmer ?
no farmers, no rice in your mouth.

though, i dont mean to support what they did at the last two day.
they fight the HK police.... i cant appricate them even more.
before that day, they were very frinedly, nice to us, our place.
so suddenly, being really violent. HK police didnt fight them back.
till our bottom line, there have been so much tolerance.
hummm my frined told me that his friend's dad is still in hk, but lost in ocntact.
i guess he's still in the police station.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

anyway...
today have two classes.
evaluating behavior research and substance abuse.
fine, we hang in the topic, then i know we'll find out the better hypothesis
later. then,... yup, thanks for mr.chan.
then substance abuse,... i presented the topic, about "family"

"what is family" wahhhh so complexed ... haha... i was so nervous.
i think my face was red, blush.
what funtional means is not really a defin. for "funtional"...
sigh...
fact is always complicated.
but the more you know, then more you'll understand, and the
head is larger, hahaha... the brain is getting large.

there're lots of things in our life.
when will we know enough? that's never enough.
today, the professor said... psychology is for those, who love rading.
coz it's never enough to read. it's like you're in love with them, you
would sleep with them. well...

life is short, our brain's life is short. contributes more to the earth then.
coz it's our mother land. but what we're doing everyday is producing the
side affect for our mother land. the affect, i mean feelings.
if i could do whatever possible as i like, i would wish our earth never die.
i would wish ppl know how to love the ppl around.
but i'm not the god, and i'm only human... a very ... kiddish girl.
i even cant tell i'm sure my boyfriend is in love with me...
(logically, i cant find any associations with my relationship.
there's only trust, but where trust's from?)
what a shame joke... but i'm proud of myself.
i love myself. for lots of stupid ppl, they dont know why they're alive.
i'm not talking specificly any person. i just hope... and i wish...
the world can go for the way it wants so that ppl would be much more free.
simple, and easy.

i cant explain the situation why, when ppl come close to me, i'd rather protect
myself, avoiding the person. i cant explain when i want to know something i'd
do whatever in mind that strive till the end. i cant understand lots of things.
but i know i'm growing.... figure out everything... is my... charater.
i hate it since i love it. haha...
simple and complex, which one is real to me...
there's no answers. i do things directly coz i want.
but what cause my motivation, what motivates me that's the long story.

but i think everything at the begining is just simple and easy.
and that's what i like, and i do.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

we respect ppl, coz we respect ourselves.
even though that person doesnt show his respect to me,
i still do respect the person, coz it reflects my respect to myself.

i'm looking for the christmas tradeoff.
it's the happy deal with myself, not with others.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
=) THANKS for Vic 's call heehee
and then last night i ve a snap before dinner, and i slept early, nice.

hummm... miss ya...
have you got my message? if you do, then ?
***

>>December 20, 2005 at 3:04:21 PM GMT+8