2006 年 8 月 24 日 星期四 【晴】

Castor is back...

hummm i remember the songs we sang together on the way home on bus or at the Broadway station
of 98 B Line. The song... Bad Day, My Love, and more and more...
i remember the laughs the happiness around the Chapters at Granvil.
and i remember the cute guys at Chapters or on Sky Train hahahaha...
i remember the ice skeating, the bowling with Cyn hahaha.. i remember the dinner prep- time..
i remember every little things that at their lovely house or Kitchen time.
the morning, the ways i woke them up.. the night time Cyn and me chatting over night..
the pissed-off-time blah blah blah... but we're close friends no matter what.
i miss them.

hummm
the last night we had korean dinner right?
i ve bought a ring formyself. that's my last gift to myself in Van.
( no one buys me ring, so i decide to buy myself one. )
then i buy some chocolate for Cap, Cyn, Ade and Michi =)
the chocolate flower... nice... hee...
then i also buy two small boxes of chocolate for Cap and Cyn.
Thanks Cap always being with us, driving us to lots of places, and letting us to stay at her house.
she's very patient lor hahaha..
then Thanks Cyn that sleep with me everynight, spending every night chats with me.
she's so nice, just so nice !

then.... at the morning, i was packing stuffs.. then... i got dress up after the last shower..
didnt put on so much make up, just as simple as the eyeliner and for lash...
then came on line to blog... then... packing stuffs and called Aug..
then kept packing... very messy... hee...

got the last hug with Cyn when i was dressing up in bathroom.. haha..
really missing Cyn.... she left to school... then i went back to prepare..

Ade was with Cap chatting or dont know what they're doing la haha...
then... around the time i have to go.... Cap and me hug... she's so small.. haha and she's so cute.
i love her, coz she's so friendly so nice and cute.
then Ade and me hug... and i cried..
coz.. there were quite some fights between me and Ade. then everytime we talk over..
and then our friendship is always there.. hummm everytime we're so angry at each others..
and we fight not for me, that's all for her with her frineds.
i just wish her well.
i got back the "student hand book" from her and Cap.. i didnt read.
she passed me my gift from her, which is a cd, recorded lots of her fav. songs, and that's also
ordered by me hahaha.. i forced her to record me a cd as the gift. haha..

Aunt Dabbie drove me.. but i was so late to go down..
coz... we just did so many huggies.. i also hug Michi..

then Dabbie drive me to Safeway to buy some stuffs for Aunt Pricilla ..
then i also get two Kitkats for Ade and Cap.
coz Cap drives Ade to the airport..
They both come... at the airport, we ate some little things. i had my last calafornia rolls, the sushi,
then... buy some stuffs and leave.

we hug again..
my tears come down again..

Ade said... 10 months ago, we were at the same place, saying the same things..
and didnt know when i would be there again.. who knows.. i were there again.
we missed the first few days. it's okay.. i really dont mind.
i really understand.
i just hope that she'll be fine, she will find someone and be able to espress the feelings.

anyway, at the airport, i cried again..
Ade gave me some napkin... she side i might need that on plane..
i cried, i really cried on plane, but i didnt use the napkin..
it's like... i was already too tired... when i just sit down then i fell asleep imediately..
i was crying and falling asleep..
then.... yea... i couldnt sleep so well on plane.. but i got no jaglet at all..
i really miss the days in Van.
coz.. at there i am so real about myself.
sounds like .. i love to be there more than in HK.

my name was...
" Cas's coming back so soon !!!!! Leaving in 1 HR "
or " Cas's coming back so soon!!!! Leaving in 2 HRS"
or " Where're you castor? in Van =) "

now is.... *Blink, Blank.. RockyR.Cho's back. Cas is in HK.

anyway, i'm back..

i miss the malways, they're my closest friends, and i love them..
and i love Benny. love my family.

i'm trying to adjust my life back to HK.

>>August 25, 2006 at 4:32:43 AM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 23 日 星期三 【晴】

i cam here to blog a bit...
now is Van time 9:27am,
aunt Dabbie is coming to pick me up ard 10 am.
my flight would be taking off at 2 pm.
i'll arrive in HK on 24th, at 6 30 pm.
it would be like 13 hrs flight.

i am.... not.... happy to leave.. coz i m gonna miss Cyn, Ade, and Cap lots and much..
i mean... Cyn was with me all nightsss, then Ade was with me in day time..
yup we did fight, but friendship remains, hahaha..
we did so many things together though..
my first time to walk through the Granvil Bridge from Brodway to Davie. CRAZY..
damn tired... but the view was just wonderful.. thanks Ade..
then, last night i just had the most wonderful Korean dinner.
then i found my name print on the wooden wall.
i miss those little things we (my old VPC friends) did... so silly but so lovely..
then i found Alesja's one!!! then i found my another one !!!
oh my god... i write more this time..
then i guess next time i will be back to check on it !
you know what, kindda lucky that i can go back to that resturant..
coz it used to be closed for a few days already..

anyway...
i really had good time here, and i will Vancouver more and more..
and i will miss my friends here..
the feelings is changing, like... not like the past anymore,
but i know the friendship is still here forever.

i dont know what to say... my feelings is quite complicated..
dont know how to say what to say.. maybe just too much to say..

i will try to write more and more after back to HK.

i've called to office last night..
then... yea those kids miss my candies haha.. only candies..

then i've tried my best to reach to Benny..
but then... Heaven Knows..
i cried.
i mean i dont know... then... i got a chat with Ade..
i think i'm just too crazy about him or anything of him..
then... i just scare him away from me already.
no matter what.. what i've done have been done.
ii couldnt chase back time or make up for anything.
the future is... what i'm doing right now..
so... yea.... God Bless.
i miss him so much, but i think he would never talk to me anymore.
sad huh... i wish that's not true but i think i gotta believe it..
i do love him still, but since he.... is so against me, then.... i think i could only let go..
sounds like he already ran away...
ppl, i need the hug, coz... now is my weakest time again..
cas, are you gonna make it nice? i mena like... you should be strong.

alright, i'm gonna miss them so much...
and i'm going back to pack my stuffs... aunt is coming in less then 20 mins..
then... yea...
dont know how i will feel when i sit at my home reading this entry, in hk.

see you tehre, safe trip castor.

by the way,
thanks for Aug and Nel.
and thanks Simon, thanks Capella, thanks Michi, Taku, Lisa, Joy, Yue, Pil, etc.....

>>August 23, 2006 at 4:41:14 PM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 20 日 星期日 【晴】

hey!

in the past two days...
we went to Richmond, had Singaporean food, then went ice-skeating and bowling
and playing games in the game center. then we had Taiwanese food..
then we go for "SING K", haha we sang till 4 am.
i cried when i sang... i just miss Benny so much i think...
Capella, Adeline and Cynthia sang k with me, i feel so nice that night..
coz we sang and sang..
bascially i'd never stoped singing.. coz almost every songs i know how to sing..

then we went to Capella's house... we stayed at home for one night...
then the next day, Capella drive us back home, we took shower and wash up..
then we went out... had Japanese food for late lunch..
then Capella drive us to the Capinlano Bridge.
it's the advanture at North Vancouver.
it's nature in a forrest. we went there in stead of go hiking.
it's really nice, i also saw the falls and walked on the long long bridge..
it's really a nice day.. i wish i could go there with Benny someday..

then after that... we went back to down town..
we had Singaporean food at a Singaporean Cusine. bad...really bad....
then... we walked around and Capella drive us back home..
after then, i did some chatting with Ade...

yup, at night, i used to chat with either Cyn or Ade at their rooms.
then chated for a few hrs, then we all sleep...
damn tired i guess...

ice-skeating... i was quite happy at that day... i fell one time.
yea... just do so m,any things that i dont do in HK..
maybe coz... no one do with me or go with me.. or just dont feel nice to do so..

they're my close friends, i feel comfortable with them....
and at this moment i know i'm leaving soon..
then, i m gonna miss them so much...
even though the friendship between me and Ade has a bit changed..
we're still close friends... so i know i will miss them so much...
Cyn and me had lots of good time together...
then i'm leaving on Wed morning.. flying back in afternoon..

hummmm...
i miss Benny so much...
like i've left HK for alomst 10 days? yup should be...
then my trip was like about 14 days, two weeks..
then.. i m still wiating for his reply..

in these days, i'd never stopped thinking of him..
sometimes i saw him on line, but he doesnt reply me.
i did e-mail him.... but just like the same, he didnt reply me..
i still miss him anyway. and he might need more time.. and i'm still waiting for him.
i really wish that we would have a chance...
if he couldnt forgive me or accept me, then...... i dont know..
i should move on more and more.
i'm moving on like... i'm wiating for him but at the same time i'm moving on my life..
i go have my busy day at work or at school? then like i still enjoying my days with friends or
family.. but just ... in my heart, there's always a question that if he would still want me back...
i want him, not other guys. i just want him.

>>August 20, 2006 at 8:02:33 PM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 18 日 星期五 【晴】

last night, i went to Lisa's home for dinnner.
we have six ppl: Yui, Momo, Yui's mom, Lisa ,and her husband Dennis.
Lisa made Jumbolia, hahaha so nice ! not too hot, but quite spicy haha..
i ate so much so much... coz it was really great !

anyway, Ade and me went to Granvil Island... hummm
Ade and me got some conversation... and hummmmmmm i dont feel nice to blog here.
we also played at the playground... wah...... i got drop off from the (oh gosh i forgot the name)...
that's the " yui yui ban". haha.. it was hurt... but okay lor...
Ade is not so gentelment lor hahahaha... she's gonna mad at me again.. ???
i guess in her eyes, i'm like the sassy girl, very unpatient also...
but it's also NOT TRUE !! heehee..

alright... time is running out... i couldnt stay with them for long..
Cyn is just always nice heehee... she's really nice..

today we might go to Richmond, to buy cookies and ice skeating...
then go night market? hummm dont know...
we would meet up Capella later... and then...

yea, maybe.. on Sun, i will go over Lisa's home for dinner again =P
I LOVE LISA !!!!!

Yui left today, with her mom.. good luck on her ride..
it's been too much unlucky stuffs happened on her already..
i really wish her best... wish her a happy trip back home. then come back soon ! !!

finally i didnt reach to Dong Eon, didnt see Pil, Kianna, Tai and Eva...
hummm i would see how things go... coz i really miss them actually..

and how's Benny now?
i'm thinking of him everyday..
but this is kindda different from the past..
it's like.... now, when i think of him.... i wont get intense..
i try to understand our situation.

hummm few days ago... i've told Ade that... you know...
i was not happy in the relationship... then i always wondered why i had to keep the relationship..
i was not able to break it, coz i loved him so much...then after a big fight... i really broke it..
but i regret so much... especially after i ve been starting to understand, to feel how was his situation..
and the more things happened that make me .... really upset about losing him..
coz i know ... he is really important in my life...
i would never wanna lose him..
so now... when i think of him... my feelins is happy..
i'm so glad that i love him, i feel so nice to love him... even though he might really dislike me or hate me
now... but... i still love him...
and gosh.... i couldnt accept otehr ppl... i just dont feel like to .. you know...
coz my heart got no place left,
which is quite .... "not healthy", as if he will not give me any chances anymore..
i love him... so... who cares? only if he cares then i care..
i guess he would not come here to read... so... i guess he wouldnt know about my love to him now.
should i let him know? i dont know... i ve e-mail him though...

>>August 18, 2006 at 7:46:15 PM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 17 日 星期四 【晴】

hahaha... yesterday was okay, quite fun in downtown..

we were in china town... then got back to downtown..
have ice cream, then back home.
we were waiting for the bus coming, then we watched ppl dancing, and we danced.
funny...

i got a chat time with Ade last night.. hummm i just wish her fine and well.
tonight i will go for a party-gathering in my teacher's house. HAVE FUN!

have been sick...
sneezing nose... sigh....

anyway, really love the days here, very nice.... hee
i love the weather the sky, the water, the env. everything... nice..

>>August 17, 2006 at 8:25:17 PM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 16 日 星期三 【晴】

hummmm life is good here, really love to stay in Van.

alright.... something happen badly, about my friends..
actuallly today is.... alright now is 1 08pm, 16th Wed..

hummm 2 days havent come? i dont know...
well well well...
i change my flight, i will be back to HK again on 24th night (HK Time).
hummmmmmmmmm dont wanna come back yet hee.

okay la, have so nice cookies, have donuts, have downtown hahaa... the apple pie,
the pasta, the air and water, the clothes, notion, make up, accessary,
blah blah blah...
then have more time with Cyn actually... Ade is not available to be bother..
always staying around downtown actually... have dessert with Ade..

hummm seeing Capella also, have lots of bubble tea time..
went to UBC also.... nice....
then... i like shopping by myself, coz i could see whatever i want, stay at one shop as long as i want..

got the call from Nelson hahah... funny..
then call mom everynight... and have called Augustus..
then yup, i've contaced Ali... we havent met up still... see how lor..
hummmmlast night, i cooked black peper with coke sause chicken wings, sweet soya sause chicken
drumps, and the oyster sause mushrom, hummmm the vegetable rice.
the rice was not good, coz putting too less water, then have to re-cook it, then... it wasnt so nice..
but all the dishes are pretty nice !
then....... i was so happy after dinner, feeling so light, then start to dance "bally"..
then Cyn asked me.." wah ~ after dinner, you feel so light ar?"
hahahahahha

anyway, i m adjusting some changes in the friendship.

hummmmmm
by the way, i'm getting sick... after coming here, have been feeling not well,
then my throat just... not that pain but feeling reallyl unwell...
okay lor.

i m so tired everyday.. but then dont wanna sleep too much haha..
coz sonds like time here is really rare and i wanna make my stay here more fun and happy.
gotta thanks for my friends...

okay, i think i'm about to go soon..
today really wish to go China Town..
the day before yesterday, we went to Richmond already, but yet got what i want to buy..
another kind of cookies.. hee..

ok...
see ya..
be back soon.

>>August 16, 2006 at 8:22:47 PM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 13 日 星期日 【晴】

hummmmmmm

so great.......
i had a wonder morning computer time ...
then walked around, and went to UBC, then had bubble tea and chatting wiht Ade heeee..
then we took bus back around home.. then i found the vry cute shoses from the local outfitter,
and the shoses are from Roxy hee, i wanna buy it... it's $40 CAD, puls TAX.
hummm thinking of it..

then i had McDonald's apple pie again =P so yummy!!!!
then we went to down town, walked around, then i had dinner with Joy, her husband,
Taku, and a man and a couple ! hahaha... nice to see them !!

then... hee...
Lisa is living next door from Joy, and so does Yui.. then i just supprised them!!!!
WE HUGGED AND LISA KISSED ME !!! hahahaha ^^ so sweet!
i couldnt forget the moment i saw them again!
we had the wonderful night !!!!!!
i just love them

then got msn with Vicvic.. she's really busy nowadays haha..
then she has already contacted Benny... =) he's willing to recieve my chocolate heehee
so sweet hee.... i know he might still being angry at me... but yea.... i dont know...
i just try to do whatever i could to cheer him up or make him feel better..
coz i love him i dont want him being sad of his work or busy life or family..
i just want him happy..

anyway, we all had good time !!!
and i ve met so many nice old FRIENDS ! all is ny dearest frineds!
love them so much.....

>>August 14, 2006 at 8:18:32 AM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 12 日 星期六 【晴】

hello..

i am in Vanciuver again...
how do i feel? it's like everything normal =)
coz... here's like my another home. i dont have any special feelings?
i mean... lots of things happened here right?
then this tine i come back, i saw Ade, Cyn and Aunt Dabbie...
i am ok lor... lots of good friends just left Van already..
so .... the meaning is different from the past when i was with all of them.
i guess i miss them more than miss the place.

anyway, my trip in Toronto was fine.
just wish that i could have more time there. haha... i need a few hrs more...
hummm i was around the downtown... it was quite nice..
at night, it was quite clumsy... i mean me...
i had to carry two huge bagage walking to the hotel..
and then i had to buy my dinnerard 12 am in downtown... was lost...
and i watched tv till 3 or 4 am then fell asleep..
i cry...

i dont feel especially happy, coz something is changed.
i am kindda stuck in the relationship problem.
maybe it's nothing changed, i have been always stuck in.
now, here's a little bit different... that we finally broke it and ...
it was all by my fault and i still do love him.
i couldnt just lie to myself and forget it. it's my fault.

later i will go to downtown..
by the way, what would it be like when i go back to hk to read this entry?
i would cry i guess haha..

Benny , everything i think about him would just make me cry..
is it just our ending?

>>August 13, 2006 at 4:23:43 PM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 9 日 星期三 【晴】

today i woke up so early, then...

i went to dad's office..
to make copies and fax to the SFFA.

then wait for the guests, have lunch with them ....
then... attend a brefing at Central Hall.
then i got back to my wrk place, hand over some stuffs, did some simple chat with Nelson,
then i left..
i walked around and shop around... why? i shop all for my friends !
i buy lots of food and some accessaries for my friends =)

then wait for dad and my family and those guests..
we had dinner together again ~
today just ate too much "expensive food"... and i dont really like it..
coz the meal is just you know... "so political"....
however, the girl is quite nice =) nice to meet her anyway. and i have to take care of her in the trip.

after dinner, we went to Habour City again...
we looked for Vincent, a new friend of mine.. then haha.. guess what...
i saw his mom today.. and he saw my whole family today..
then those guests and my mom were talking about me, my appearance my studies or whatever,
and i felt quite embarassed...
anyway, vincent's mom is quite pretty~ her smile is so sweet ~

okay...
i ve shopped so much stuffs... and all for my frined..
i wonder when i leave, my baggage would be much light hahaha..

hummmm thanks my frineds so much and i love them so much..
i miss them ! and i'm coming ! FINALLY!! =P
but i wonder why i'm not excited as before?

i dont know...
this time is weird..
i dont know who i will meet, where i will go or stay..
what i will do..
all is just like non-confirmed.. cant be firmed.. and...
like... all is like the unknown...

yea, i'm gonna stay with my friends, Cyn and Ade...
but i m not sure if they'll be there when i arrive.. they might just be delayed on their trip..
and they still dont know about my flight or my cell phone no there.
hummm Aunt Dabbie would come to pick me up only if i call her when i arrive..
so probably it's all the unknown..
what Jesus want me to do, to think... i give in all..
since i have lost the one i love the most..
there's nothing really matters now..

coz... all is gone and all is new..
the sadness remains, the happiness is unknown... all is like undisscovered..
and who knows what will hapopen..
you know what..

today, some flights in the UK got deleted... why?
coz of the "terroist"... i wish the girl luck, not myself..
ohhh.... touch wood that if there will be someting bad happend... and....
if there's only one chance to get alive, i will let her first.
sounds like that's my responsibility and.. also my kind-ness of my last.

if that's true... the only thing i care most, or i owe myself is.. the acceptance of Benny..
and i owe all the things that for my family and friends.. like the happiness, the bliss, the love...

however, today i listened to the radio, and the ppl say...
if you dont know how to make the good communication work out, you should shut up..
i'd never understood how to do it.. coz i'm too selfish i guess..
i ust always wanna give give and give.. but i dont care if the ppl like it or not..
i think that's my problems.. well.. Benny doesnt see my changes on it anyway..
i learn to shut up.. but the price is just too high..
i'm a selfish person.. i am...
and i am so sorry for all the ppl whoever have hurted by me.

some ppl find me nice... idont know if somedays, you would just feel cas... actually you're the nuts.
ha.. i dont know..

i'm leaving tomorrow..

Aug 11, Friday :
Air Canada, AC 16
Depart: HKG- Hong Kong Intl 3:25pm,
Arrive: YYZ- Lester B Pearson Intl, Toronto.

Aung 12, Saturday:
Air Canada, AC 147
Depart: YYZ- Lester B Pearson Intl, Toronto 3:00pm,
Arrive YVR- Vancouver Intl Arpt, Vancouver.


i miss Benny, but i cant do anything. i've tried my best already..
see you there =)
byebye cas... no matter waht... i'm still myself, i love myself..
coz he doesnt love me anymore, so... i ve to love myself..

>>August 10, 2006 at 3:38:58 PM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 8 日 星期二 【晴】



Today i just couldnt wake up...
sleep like deadly...
you know what... i slept like deadly... i can hear mom talk to me, i wanna reply but just couldnt.
i was so sick... i mean i feel not well..

here is the private part: please dont read it if you're not my close friends.
today.....
i've chatted with Ali, i used to say he's Alex.
whatever it is.. hummm he asked me again if i would be his girlfriend.
i told him i am not ready for a relationship now.
he asked me if i still think of Benny. and i asked back if he has ever loved someone really much.
he did. so, now he understands how i feel and think.
you know,.... Alex is a nice guy, even though there're something i dont like.
i didnt come clean on time... just everytime when i saw him so happy thinking that i will be his girlfriend.
i should stop him.
and now, i hurted him... and he thinks i just play on him.
i still wanna meet him in person. i mean why not?
yea my mind is so messy coz i miss Benny so much, and i do think that i still love him.
then i wonder why cant i meet Alex? okay, i know him in life, alright, i dont always go to Vancouver.
alright, then why not just go for the coffee? coz i cant forget about Benny, then i cant be his gf,
and then that's why he doesnt wanna meet me up. COZ HE FEELS HURT BY ME !
i feel like i'm the devil sin.
whateveri feel damn bad about that coz i know i do hurt him already.
and he doesnt wanna be my friend anymore.