2007 年 2 月 25 日 星期日 【晴】

hi.

i am very sick. i cough so much, and i couldnt sleep.
i felt asleep ard 5 am.

i have got the e-mail from Stephen. i was happy.
yesterday, i had class with my cousin, Ricky. i really wanted not to tutor him.
but now is not the right time yet. i need to finish the whole revision with him first.
and see if he wants to continoue with me. i think the kid is innocent, and i shouldnt just leave coz of
my aunt's attitude.
i checked the e-mails at his home. i said i was happy coz finally he sent me.
i was happy at that moment, but... i am still unhappy. isnt it just too late ?
i told myself that at least he has really wrote it and sent, right ? it's okay.

my dad still doesnt really talk to me. i dont know. i guess he's just very dissappointed.
i left the letter on the table today morning.
i hope they would read it very soon, so the tension could be released.

it's been a very high pressure thing for me. i realy hope that i could have a nice trip.
as Stephen said, we might work out we might not work out.
i have given my heart already, and he did too.
i dont have many questions in my mind, coz i dont know. i dont know much about my future.
i couldnt even plan it. i am kindda afraid.
it's like confusion. i dont know what i should do when i am back.
i want to go back to school, but it would be hard. if i work, what kind of job i should try?
so many posibilities. and i would worry for our future.

i met Jackie and MeiPo, good.
we hang around Mong Kok. too many ppl there, i really dislike that.
but fine, coz Jackie is leaving too soon... so yea...
once i got free time, wherever she wants to go, i go with her.

>>February 26, 2007 at 3:27:49 AM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 23 日 星期五 【晴】

i wrote myself an e-mail this evening in office.
i was sad this whole day.
coz i was very dissapointed.
i couldnt tell what was in my e-mail.
Ella was trying to make me feel better.
Ella tries to say something for him, and tells me what she thinks. this and that, she's really great.
thanks. i will miss her so much once i leave Elchards.

tonight, my family is not home.
i bought sushi to home, and watching movie.
i cried out loud for an hour. an hour.
i calm down already. i just need some sleep now.

hummm tomorrow i will meet Jackie and MeiPo again.
perhaps ice skating or.. just walk around doesnt matter. Jackie is leaving on Wed.
i will miss her a whole year by then.

hummm
mom just told me that... they've told my aunts and granpa about Stephen and i.
they even told them i'm flying over to see him.
mom asked me where to stay at there, and asked me dont do the inporporiate thing there.
i guess... they would be okay. i m kindda afraid stll.

but i'm still very dissapointed.
it's not about my parents, it's about him.
of course i dont feel it as much presure as it used to be.
Thanks God. i really gotta thank Him.
i prayed.. i cried.. and now.. i just pray again.
i'm disapointed.

i really love my family, and i really love Stephen.
but i think.. i'm just very dissapointed.

>>February 24, 2007 at 5:19:05 PM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 23 日 星期五 【晴】

hummmm

should i keep quiet ? or should i say something here?

hummm my parents know that i would go, i have decided already.
so... the war is going to begin.

you know, sometimes.. there's only yourself would understand how difficult the situation is.
coz you probably dont wanna tell everyone what's going on, even you know they just concern on you.
maybe simply you just cant tell or dont know how to tell.
you probably find it no one can help, no choices at all. and all you know is... YOU, yourself have
to fix all the things.
coz after so long, you've chosen the road, and you want to stick with your plan.

today is busy.. working on lots of stuffs.
hummm i think i would be busy till i help her done with all the things.

hummmm i dont know...
relax Cas...
i dont wanna bring honey preasure, i dont want him panic.
but i need his support, i need him to do something for me.

i m coughing so bad now..
hummmm..

>>February 23, 2007 at 5:17:39 PM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 21 日 星期三 【晴】

suddenly, i really miss my honey.

humm
i have been very sick, really.
taking 4 pills, one of them is just very huge. everytime i need to drink lots of water.. eeeee >.<
then.. after taking pills, feels like i have taken too much coffee. strange.
but i m getting better now. not as pain as before but coughing more often..

Thanks one of my guy friends. he has been asking me lots of questions regarding my health.
i just think he shouldnt concern on me too much.

today was quite busy at work.
hummm i took half day leave in the morning time, coz i was very unwell about my medicine.
back to the office, need to make lots of phone calls, and then need to tidy up places a bit..
then.. working on some data stuffs. actually i should renew some files.
and then i arrange interviews on Fri, and contacted those ppl, calling and e-mails...
humm blah blah.. then doing some computer stuffs for 4 hrs...
then resting and leave the office. i didnt take my lunch break today.

not much time catching up with honey.
miss him still.
hummm we're fine again.
i dont know.. i am going over in 4 weeks.
i'm excited, but i am not expecting too much. i just want things being natural for us.
heehee.. i think it would be nice.

i told mom that i want to go to Vancouver. she said.. no... dont go... wasting money.
i didnt say anything, coz i know them very well. they would always find the reasons to stop you,
if they want to. they only believe in what they want to.
i think ppl are always like this. for myself.. humm i would say me too.
however, not exactly the same.
i do listen to ppl actually. if you know me very well then you know i always hesitate things.
i think every good friends would find that so easily. especially, when i'm deciding to buy something.
i do think of the bad sides, bad things might happen, or i'm just too crazy to go over..
but so ? i just think i should go, coz if i dont go i would regret.
i wont make myself regret anymore.
if i really feel like to do something, i would just go do it, with a plan.
things dont always go well under the plans, but the thing is... i would walk it, work it out.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm missing Elchards Education.
i have been... wanting to quit coz i'm very tired... and bored..
but then now starting to be busy. you know what... yesterday Ella told me to post a notice
and adv on net that we're hiring new receptionist. at that time i was... sad. feeling very strange.
coz it's like... weird...
i was so lucky to get this job. it was amazing. coz i was fired by Edgar, so i could work for Ella.
at the same day i lost my job and gain a new one. Ella took me in stead of another girl on her list.
i still rmemeber the first day i worked. i have so much memorries in these 6 months.
i made new friends, i found my new ways, i spent time with my love in the office..
honey and i started right after i joining this company.
i rested and i had been through lots of things in this office. Ella and i become good friend.
we spent time at the office, we worked together, we hang out together.
i'm just a receptionist in this small company. this company is a dream of Ella and Richard.
but i felt like i was joining this big family. we go out, we had meals together... so lovely..
i had been in their christmas camp, and lots of classes with the kids. i love the kids so much.
i love the time with them... i would miss them so much.
and now, i'm going to make a notice, just like what Ella did for me, to find me and hire me.
and now i'm going ot find someone to replace myself.
i'm no longer belongs to Elchards Education. you know what, i did help tidying, i did help on decorating,
i did help on... some new ideas in this company and the office. i have my own working style here,
i have my own shelf... and i'm used to listen to the paretns coming chatting with me..
i love this place and i just find that i love my job. i want to be... great, a great receptionist, at least,
before i quit.

i promised honey i wouldnt be back to work for Elchards Education. but, i really love this place alot.
i would miss them so badly. i really miss my students, i really do. i miss the kids, i miss them..
i miss the desk and the chair. i wonder, once i left, i wouldnt get another work place which would
allow me working in my own way, like Elchards does.

in the coming days, i wanna help her finishing the summer plan,
opening new center, helping on the liscen, finishing new flyers design, maybe posters as well,
new hand book design, and some data updates and other things.. all before i leave.

everytime when i think about... leaving soon, i feel very sad. and i feel like to cry.
Ella wants me to stay, i miss them but i dont think i can make it.
they would have someone bette than me, and i would need to move on to the next stage, or backward.
i would need to go back to school to carry on my studies, and get another part-time job.

i really need to renew my 5 year- plan and 10 year- plan.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i am going ot tell my parents that i'm going by tomorrow.
things are on going actually, step by step.
today and before CNY i said i still want to go over in March.
tomorrow i would say i have decided to go for 3 weeks, living with my frined.
after back then go back to school. i have considered for long and i can handle it.

>>February 22, 2007 at 5:15:56 PM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 20 日 星期二 【晴】

i'm back to work.
i couldnt really sleep last night. i was feeling very sick, very pain.
i slept for a few hrs, then i awake, then sleep again and awake.
i didnt fee like i was sleeping.

this CNY is soso.
ahhhhh.....
the last night, the luarn 30th i mean, i went out with Jackie and Meipo.
then got home i felt sick.
the luarn 1st day, went to dad side grand parents' home. i was a bit sick.
then... stayed there for nothing much, same thing every year. this year is weird, coz it's warm.
the luarn 2nd day, i felt worse, but we went to mom side grandpa's home.
i was okay... happy to see my cousins, but i was sick, so.. yea..
then yesterday wanted to meet JAckie and Meipo.
but Jackie is even worse than me, and Meipo was busy.
i go out by myself after lunch. i went to New Town Plaza, Sha Tin.
lotsssss of ppl there... so crazy. i went to Roxy, they're doing big sales.
i bought.... a demi mini skirt, so nice. then i bought another top tang. they're both very nice.

hummm my throat is very pain, and then my ears as well. i cough alot.
i dont have fever, but... i dont know... it's very weird. i need to seek a doctor.

honey was sweet to me, but i was pissed off coz of some misunderstanding. he was very angry.
it was very silly.... then that brought us a very big question as in like.. something big and important.
after calm down, i found that was so silly. i want him to forgive me.
i think there're some problems with us. i think it's not only about myself now...
yea, i do.. accept things... but... when it comes to misunderstandings, we're both very angry.
and then we would fight, and i feel so terrible.
straight to the point about this time, he should know i could accept that, but at that moment, i misundestood.
i appreciate that in a way he worries for our future, but he doubts on me, coz of that small thing then
being so angry at me.

i dont know. i try my best to accept everything, but it turns out like...
i dont like his attitude. it makes me feeling damn bad.

i'm flying over within 4 weeks. i havent told my parents yet,
and then i dont know.

>>February 21, 2007 at 3:20:16 AM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 18 日 星期日 【晴】

just a song sharing.
i really like this song =)
anyway, today is the sec day huh~
we will go to grandpa's home... hummmm might be another boring day.




重複犯錯
歌手：古巨基 | 作曲：陳輝陽@好好笑
填詞：林夕 | 編曲：陳輝陽@好好笑


不知你　難過寂寞
i didnt know, you were sad and lonely.
聽到你說　毫不快樂
i heard you said you'd never been happy
令我想　我這一生
that let me understand in my life
往後娛樂　亦難快樂
i wont be happy anymore, even i would entertain myself.

如若我還尊重愛情
if i still respect the love relationship,
無謂問那次飛關島暢泳
i shouldnt ask about that time the swimming in Kwan Dao.
其實你　找不到任何的高興
actually you couldnt find any happiness

也許跟我吃喝進睡
you might eat with me, sleep with me,
會一生都使你有陰影　但求要逃命
but you would be sad, and you would want to escape from life.
彷彿以往接吻過程無異於吻過路人
it's like the kiss we had is just nothing special,
所以細雪無聲
so, there was silent.

＊突然之間很喜歡你恨我
suddenly i really like you hating me
　我從未愛到　要生生死死那麼多
i'd never loved that much to wanna scrafy for you.
　結束感情最悲壯結果
to finish the relationship is horrible
　原來似　以掌心撲火
just like only using the palm to fight with fire.

　未算得到　偏得到你是哪位錯
i couldnt get you, but i get what you mean i'm wrong.
　難道你我以相戀失戀去切磋
is that we need to break up to see if who is wrong?
　會令情侶受苦已是愛
why you fel sad that coz of the love
　但我答應我永不要重複犯錯＊
but i promise you i would never make this fool again.

最慘戀愛會有過程
the most terrible thing of love is the process in life.
到沙灘多一次看星星　亦難以償命
i think it would be harder than to die if we would go watching stars again in the beach together.
當初與你有過愛情
at the begining, we really love each others.
同樣一吻有任何反應　已結成冰
we kiss again, that's cold like the ice.

如若我還尊重愛情
if i still respect the love relationship,
我會放棄了呼吸般鎮定
i would give up, and breath calmly.
唯望你　吻別時做回些反應
only hope when we kiss goodbye that you could have some reaction
沒有感情不怨命
no feelings, but dont complain.

回味過去每一吻
think about every kisses in the past,
真切得　於嘴邊掠過
they're real like just gone on my lips.
你的內心竟在避我
but yor heart was actually refusing me, escaping from me.

>>February 19, 2007 at 4:19:57 AM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 17 日 星期六 【晴】

hummmm

yesterday i went out with Jackie and MeiPo again..
wow... thanks MeiPo... she safes me on the embarassing day.
i bought a new blouse, that's it.
they did lots of shopping... hat's a bit crazy for me haha.
i was very tired... then i went home having dinner with my family.
it was just... noting special. i dont feel excited about the CNY anyway.
it's warm here. it's pretty strange. the CNY used to be cold. sooooo weird...

anyway... today we went to grandma's home. just another not special thing to do.
it's quite boring... you know, i dont really like CNY. coz... it's very boring.
everywhere is closed. ppl need to dress up, and go visiting relatives.
well.... i appreciate the custume though... coz... it's us, it's our culture and live right?
we learn lots from them and we're proud of that.. but.... the point is...
i dont really enjoy the CNY anymore.
it used to be great when we're all young like the kids, coz.. it was fun to see the cousins,
see aunts and uncles and then play all day long with them.. had lots of fun.
but nowaday.... we're not as close as before, we're just like... "acting" or something ?
i dont feel excited, i dont feel good to have those gatherings. everyting is just... normal... a bit dull.

okay.
i hope ppl enjoy this CNY, coz it's holiday anyway.
and coz of this holiday, i could see my best friend Jackie.and then CNY does benefits lots of ppl.
i should be happy though. one new start in our chinese year. well... good luck to everyone,
stay happy ~

>>February 18, 2007 at 10:26:08 AM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 16 日 星期五 【晴】

hihi ~~

wow... such a long time havent come huh?
yea..

my Valentine's day was great.
honey and i had webcam time, and then he stayed up very late for me..
yea.. i was touched. and then.. i met Meipo and Jackie at Tai Po center !
hahahaha we were so silly. we took lots of pics,.. i have uploaded them on yahoo already.
hummmm for you to know, i have been using a new acc at yahoo. ok ? hee.
hahaha.. we were walking ard, then had "chit chat" time at the Taiwanese Tea house.
the one we ususlly go. hummm chill out chill out... then... we stayed like 11 sth pm.
then, we went to McDonald's. we were chating, joking, taking about some serious stuffs...
studies, relationships, work, and then updating other friends' news..
and then we decided to have dessert at the Rainbow, our fav chinese dessert cafe.
then... Tung and his friend Billy came. so funny... we joked soooooooo much.... haha...
we actually wanted stay longer.... but it was like almost 2 30 am already.. haha...

the day after, i worked... hummm same same..
but then still chatting with my honey heeheehee..
hummmm... had class wih Billy and Fiona. Alex didnt come.
nice class.. i know i'm gonna miss them so much when i leave.

hummmmm these two days were quite busy in the afternoon.
in the morning is free... hummmmm same same... going on line, watching movies...
i have finally finished "Miami Vice". i really love this movie. fast, exciting, and good actors.
heehee and i know this is honey's fav movie too =)

hummm ok la...
missing my frineds and honey..
so i will go meeting Jackie and Meipo again heehee.
we planed to go ice skating.... but now.. we changed.. coz they wanna do shopping..
sigh... everywhere is on sale.. crazy sale... but i'm not planing to buy anything... unless i really
fall in love with them hahahahah...
as i said... i ve bought so many things already. i spent so much. so.. dont wanna waste money..
rather saving the money for later.

today during lunch, parents ask about the ticket.
i still didnt tell them i've bought that. i just said i didnt say i 'm not going.
actually i've taken the ticket this morning before work.
i'm going.
there're some problems i'm facing now. it's something big..
so i'm under very high presure now.. but sometimes it's like... i have to face them and fix things by myself.
i can share with honey or frineds, but... in the end, there only should be me to .... cope with the things.
so,.... yea... good luck...

anyway...
some firneds wanna catch up with me... but i ve been refusing... coz i'm pretty tired...
i just dont have much time to rest.

i've talk with honey about my stress that make me tension. that even affecting us in the relationship.
then... he understands me and then wanted me to relax... find a way to relax..
then, he just spent more time with me.. even when he's very tired, he would be on line for me..
he is mroe patient and ... i dont know how to describe.. i feel like he wants to be... here for me
all the time... which is very very sweet.
then of course, i'm always on line coz of him. i wanna spend more time with him, be there with him.
dont want him to feel lonely. just dont wanna leave him alone at his night.
i stayed up late coz want to say good morning to him, especially when he woke up too early.
and then coz of that.. i relax more.. and i feel better now, easlier now..
so i really wanna thanks him. and i did say that to him.. coz i really appreciate the things he does
for me, even if they're just very small tings.. these are all i love and appreciate.

CNY is coming soon..
hee.

>>February 16, 2007 at 4:59:58 PM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 12 日 星期一 【晴】

hi.

hummmmm
actually now is already the Valentine's day haha.
this year, i didnt prepare much...
but, i did buy some chocolate for honey Stephen and my best friend Jackie.
i sent honey something before, too. hee.
tomorrow i will be working and then meeting Jackie i guess...
so, two girls spending a valentine's night. haha. never mind, she's my best friend.
her boyfriend is not in town, so.. yea... my honey is not here, same.
hope we both will enjoy our girl's night out.

** Shan, Queenie, dont be mad at me, coz... you know.. you girls have the companies already =)
dont need my chocolate or time la hee.

last night, i wrote honey e-mail. then i got his reply.
it was okay... nice... and i'm coping with my stress better now.
\hummmm my biggest problem is not my hormones, is my trip to Van in March.
my family plan to go for a 2 days trip. but then... i wondered after telling them about my trip,
if they would still be okay with me, so... going for a 2 days trip might would be like heatting up the war ?
i mean it's like... during that 2 days, they might vent their anger on me or totally disrespect me, or
treat me very bad attitude. i would be crying so badly.. you know..
i'm scared, i'm very worried for that.
i wanna tell them in these 2 days, coz i think i should let them know 1 month before i go.
i didnt want to tell them coz i dont want to tell too early. now is the time... but i'm afraid of the
CNY. i dont want them being angry or hate me during the CNY.
for Chinese, CNY is the most important time in a year. everyone sould be happy with the family.
it's our tradition, our culture... so................ i'm scared.......

anyway... i will be telling mom in these few days..
pretty scared and stressed.

>>February 13, 2007 at 5:02:24 PM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 11 日 星期日 【晴】

Sat, i took a sick leave, coz i really couldnt get up to work. it's like my body just cant wake up.
then slept for long, then i go out with Miki, my sister.
we went to TST, hummm The Skin Food, i bought the gel, something like pre-make up protection.
and then... went to Habour City, heee... i was looking for new make up stuffs at M.A.C.
i bought 4 eye shadows, and then 1 blush, and then the eye base stick, and then the lip gloss.
they're all FABULIOUS ! but i spent alot on those. youk now, make up stuffs are always expensive.

and then actually, on Fri night, i was shopping in Body Shop.
i got $200 voucher, so.. i just got the brush, 1 lip gloss, and the peal something pre-make up foundation,
and i gave donation, so i got another perfume (Rough Berry) at a very cheap price + 15%off on my
most expensive item. quite nice. and then i got anotehr 2 stamps =P i need 2 more stamps, then i could
have a $100 discount.

then yesterday, i go out with Jackie ! YAY! SHE'S BACK =)
i miss her sooo much... she's more beautiful now. so nice ~~~ we're still as close as before.
we talk of whatever in our mind. it was so great. i was helping her to shop for her boyfriend.
and then i was wondering to get Stephen something.. but i remember he doesnt really want me to
buy him stuffs. and then.... yea... at the end, i bought a bag for going back to school.
it was on sale, 20% off at a.n.s. in SOGO TST. it is nice. Jackie and another guy friend said it looks nice.
heeee...

i had coffee at Starbucks in these few days out.
the first time i actually order soay milk instead of skim milk.
actually long time ago, i used to take Ice-mocha.
but recently ifi was there, i would have changed to have tea or apple juice.
but these 2 days, i took ice mocha but with soya milk.
i couldnt finish the Tall size. i dont understand why. but i dont feel sick after that.
i used to finish the whole drink but feel sick about the milk after all.
these days, i change to soya, no sickness but i really cant finish it. interesting.

hummm

yesterday i was mad at him.
it wasnt his fault though. i am quite moody lately, and i couldnt really control it.
it's not very serious, maybe coz of my job, or something else, the stress.
so, i'm very sensitive.

yesterday was my only day free, and my family was not home.
i thought honey and i could have some private time. and i was going ot meet Jackie..
then i postponded the time... then.. i was preparing to go. i got ready, and wanna chat with him
in line. then he refused coz he was going out for a birthday. i was mad..
coz.. it was the rare time i could spend with him alone at home.
i was mad, i asked him what he's going to wear.. then i said i would wear nothing and i went off.
after that, i threw my blanket and clothes all over my room. and then i felt like shit on the way to
meet Jackie.

today, i tried to talk over with him..
i aoilogized and toldh im about that. and then... i dontk now....
he DIDNT know i was in Van for 6 motnhs before ? that's impossible.
and some other small things.. he really totally forgot things.
and i really hate ppl ans me like just the actual way i ans ppl.
you know.... i really ans shortly or dont ans at all when i dont want to talk to the ppl.
i found ppl irretating easily if the person is not my friend or when i'm busy.

i was mad again. what the hell...
i feel so bad... how come....

maybe that's my problem. perhaps he could be sweet to me, so i could get over my temper much easlier.
i dont know. he has no responsibilities to always take care of my emotion or anyting about my life.
since i really dont want ppl feel tired of me.. i think... i should just watch myself.

i feel so sorry..
is it coz of the hormones? i dont know.

sometimes, i feel like trapped.
i really desire sleeping and resting.
i wanna watch vcd at home quietly.
i wanna spend time with myself and for myself. i mean i wanna be alone at home or go for a walk.
i need my personal space which i couldnt find now.
i just cant do what i want to do. coz there's no chances, but what i'm doing dialy is just something
boring or meaninless. it's work. spending time iwth kids are very happy, doing revision with them
re nice and fun. but i'm very tired of being the receptionist, doing something i dont like.
i have my best friend back to HK but i have no time for her. i want to do so much things but i have
no time to do but sitting doing some boring thing i dont like.

i'm sorry for my grumpy attitude, but i did try to be sweet coz i want to be sweet to him.
i was sullen.
i should be fine....

>>February 12, 2007 at 4:36:56 PM GMT+8