2007 年 2 月 8 日 星期四 【晴】

hummm
i'm feeling better today.
last night, i waited ... to talk with my honey.
before talking with him, i was actually sitting here for almost an hr to... calm down and clear my mind.
after talking with him... i feel better..
then i went to bed. i cried, i still cried.. and then finally felt asleep.

when i got up, i felt moody. i still feel bad.
it's not about myself, it's about my cousin. i dont want him being bad.
but i cant do much.

anyway.. i tried my best not being late but i was still late.
then... at office, i was busy working, and had lunch..
back and chated with honey for awhile. we talk about the phone, about business, my cousin,
alot alot.. my honey is very great. but i know i wont be spoiled by him ha.

then i was busy working again.. then i said good night to honey and send him a kiss.
then, he went off sleeping. i hope he could sleep well and sweet.
i feel like he's really listening to me when i asked him it's time to sleep.
and then i wondered why he's so tired everyday but still stayed on line.
sometimes he couldnt sleep, but sometimes ... i think it might coz of me.
coz i m on line ? =) why i'm still on so late at 1 or 2 or 3 am in the morning, that
coz i know he would just wake up at that time. i'm waiting to say good morning to him.
(it's a secert, heehee) i dont want him to feel lonely in the morning time when he just wakes up.
once, he said to me like... we usually talk when i'm in office... yea.. true..
and then.. when i'm in office, we cant really use webcam or anything. especially in the afternoon,
when Ella's back. and i'm not supposed to go on line. i still stayed on line, coz i wanna accompany him
at his night time.

when my honey is a baby crying to sleep or eat, then i would be his mom.
when my honey is a busy man, then i would be his personal assistance, helping him on everything.
when my honey is a house-man taking care of the house, i would be his good wife to take care of him.
when my honey is the sweet daddy, i would be his sweet honey.
when my honey is the hottest guy on the street, i would be his hottest girl ard him.
when my honey is the hero, i would be the angel to look after him.

actually, i still feel sad... about my cousin..
but i thikm i really need to clear up my mind, and think about the coming classes at work.
what i should do before i leave and what i can do for my students.
i would stop tutoring my cousin, though still go over sometimes to see him, accompany him.
i really love my students. i told honey.. i would miss my students so much..
coz i really love them so much. they're so cute, so naughty, so lovely.
when i think about i will leave them, tears down.
ha...

the new teacher replaces Pav. he's Lanerd. he's quite nice and friendly. haha.. he lives in TP too.
we talk about music, teaching, places, work... he's quite talkative. nice.
nice to meet him. hope he would have the good time here teaching and have fun with the kids.
he and May seem like my song, actualy the song is from honey heehee..
"Always on your side". very nice song. and then i always listen to it when i'm at office.

then, now i'm listening to "How did i fall in love with you". well..
it was very fast to fall for my honey Stephen. i cant belive that we only met for... less than a week,
then we fell in love. i fell so hard so fast. and he does too. hee..
i really dont know how did i fall in love with him. it was just clicked on, very naturally.
we broke up a few times in 2 months.. and gosh cant believe that we're together almost 6 months now =)
and it is so wonderful. yup, we had some hard time. and then we argued quite much. we broke up like
a few times already. but then... we're engaged coz we just love each others. then..
after that we're much more stable, and we still argued and i learnt so much from those from him.
and then we're getting better now. and i wanna say i really love him so much.
he doesnt do much, but i'm comfortable with him... i like the way he is.
and he totally let me be my true self to him, and then he's like my angel. he cares and protects me aot.
"how did i fall in love with you?"

Thanks God.


i am having problems with my sleep.
i feel like having the sleeping debt. i need to sleep 8 or mroe than 8 hrs/ day.
but coz i slept at 3 and wake at 9 sth.. i only got 6 hrs.
and that's also why my body is so sick and tired easily. and i'm always late to work.
i really wish i could have more rest. and...

i hope we can be together till the end.

>>February 9, 2007 at 5:16:56 PM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 7 日 星期三 【晴】

You are near to perfect and nice at heart.The examples of your kindness are always circulated in
groups of people.You, too, love peace. You wouldn't like to retaliate even to a person who is in the
wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish to talk behind one's back. People love the way you
always treat them. You can give, give and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it
back in return.You are generous enough.Seeing things in a practical light is what remains the best trait
of you guys.
(Cas: i think this is very true. almost 99% true)


You are friendly, humorous and full of energy. You are open-minded and do not care for minor details.
Your weak point is your hot temper.
Your Love
You are willing to start off in one-sided love affairs because you strongly believe that you will
eventually win his/her heart. On the other hand, once you are together, you always want to do things
your way, which is often the fire starter. You usually run in and out of love quickly.

(Cas: it's only 70% true. my weakest point is not the hot temper. i am soft hearted. i m full of energy,
but i'm easy tired.)

You are hardhearted and selfish most of the time. You always tend to have lots of problems within
your family in the early stages but you will be able to cope with everything. You seem to have your
way in everything. And from birth you would always have to work hard to achieve anything you
want. You always make a point to set examples on others, especially the younger ones. Generally
you are not a cool person. It's not easy dealing with you. A tough player you are! But once you are
comfortable with someone, it will be a lasting friendship. You always earn respect from others. Your
Ilk seems to have lots of worries and problems but they won't be for long. You will have brilliant kids!
You love money a bit too much so temptation will push you to try endlessly. You will look after your
family and help friends, so you will spend a life time just being generous and kind (except for men
born on the 21st). You love your freedom, creative and ambitious, a person who brings beauty, hope
& joy to this world!!! Your best match 6 and 9. Good match 1, 3, and 5

(Cas: it's only 60% true. i'm soft hearted, but i still could be very hard hearted one, be careful. and then
i dont think i'm selfish. coz most of the time i think of others first, unless i've missed something. if i do
miss something and have neglected ppl, then yea you could say i'm selfish, never mind but i would
get hurt. coz i'm really being sincere and nice to ppl. i used to be a "not cool" ppl, it's hard to get along
with me if you dont know me well. now, you still could find the same problems in my old social circle.
coz, i think we're just different, and i usually just give my respect then stand for myself. i like money,
but i dont "love" money too much. i care something much more than money.)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


i just got a call, and i cant sleep.
after this call, i've waited, then i called somebody. he cried over the phone.
i start to wonder... i doubt.. i really doubt on... something..

i waited coz i dont know what to say.
i dont know what i should say over the call.
i'm kindda lost.
i know what he needs, i know why she's so angry and sad.
i know there're lots of problems. but there's nothing much i can do.
when everyone's giving up, i'm the one standing up and say there's hopes.
coz i believe that... there's hope.

i really wonder, if i am doing the right thing.
i feel like being insulted, i feel like i'm doing very bad.
i dont know if i should carry on or i need to do something else.
i just cried, coz... i really doubt on myself, if i... have been... just wasting ppl time.
if i was just a waste.

before i do it, i doubted on myself if i could do it. i used to so against this..
but after back from Van, i thought i could do it, coz my way would be accepted, and should be good.
but now, i really doubt if i could actually be good.

and the thing is... i'm really worried.. not about the reward, but... the life..
should i stop it? should i change...?
if the love is just not enough, or my efforts re not enough, what more i should do?
i really blame myself.. and ppl blame on me.
it's not easy.. it's really hard.
i shouldnt compare, but why other ppl can but not me?
i dont know.. i really doubt and i cry.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Always On Your Side - Sheryl Crow

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be
Too afraid to hear the words I'd always feared
Leavin' you with so many questions all these years

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No, it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
Is this how its really meant to be?
no, this isn't how its really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away,
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wandering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side?

>>February 8, 2007 at 6:44:21 PM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 6 日 星期二 【晴】

heeheeheeeeeeee~~~~
i love my honey !!! ^^

good good good... recently, we 're good haha.

hummm..heehee.

okay,
last night, 5D, my high school classmates had a gathering dinner.
12 ppl including me were there. we had hot pot outside..
wah.... some guys are just so bad haha. so disgusting.
i think they'd never changed haha. i was quite angry at the time.
coz it's very rude and insulting for them to speak like that. but forget it, they're always like that.
anyway, nevermind, as long as not like seeing them at school 5 days/ week. hhaha
we 're ALL GRAD !
it was happy though, seeing some friends, and seeing us changing.
still remember some senarios(i forgot the spelling) at school. it was so fun.
they talk about the teachers, and the tme we were at school like 4 years ago. hahahaha.. so lovely.
we're all getting old huh? so... cant chase back the time.... i really love my old classmates there.
dont know when will be able to see them again. maybe on someone's wedding? haha.

okay..
few days ago, honey and i talk about some serious thigns in the future.
we plan to get marry and plan to have children in the future.
hummmm... and then.... we talk things over... and then...
we would be fine. yea.. i am quite happy... coz... we're getting more stable and i see we'll have
a happy life ahead. coz actually, we're compatible.. the longer i know him, the longer i see us..
it's hard to understand, but i do feel good and comfortable with him. so strange but real =)

we talk about Valentine's before. i dont think i will get him any big or special thing..
coz... i dont know.. it's a very sweet day, but... i'm happy with him everyday, so Valentine's...
is not like the most romantice day for us i think.
i always give him small gifts and cards, and he does feel my love for him, so.. yea haha..
for myself, of course girl likes to recieve gifts or whatever.. but... i have the greatest thing
from him already. and i am happy in love with him everyday.. so.. it doesnt really matter lots.
he says like.. if he wants to buy me anything he would do that. Valentine's shouldnt be the only
day to show love. heeheehee.

i miss him...

he's the man... who can take care me.. he's the one who will argue with me for my good,
he's the one who is willing to be a better person for me.
he is cute and lovely. he's aggressive sometimes, and quiet sometimes.
he's romantic, but still realistic. i appreciate him, coz he's a very very honest person.
he would like to tell me everything in stead of hiding from me or lying to me.
even some very personal things he would tell me.
he protects me and teaches me lots of things.
even when he feels bad, he's trying his best. i can see, he's just being a better person for me.
i really love him so much.
he would be a very good, protective, sweet, and fun husband, and a very great dad for our children.
the conditioning like the SES is important, but not the most important thing.
he's okay though. i trust him. i believe that he could give a very nice family for me and the children.
he s well experienced, he's very matured, he's a very good citizen, he knows exactly how to take care
kids and teach them, really. he's well educated. ohhh what a lovely husband he would be ^^

because of him, i become stronger and better. he really complete me.
i always make him worried, he's pissed off by me. i always think i have my points when we argue.
but usually, after awhile, i would just find out his points. i think our age difference is quite big.
but he says.. he's happy that he could take better care of me.
coz of him, i learn how to give love and respect more. i thought i wouldnt know, but suprisingly,
i feel comfortable with him. there's some hard time, but thanks God.
it's very amazing. really. i think he's the real one... i hope we... would be together till the end.

>>February 7, 2007 at 5:11:55 AM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 4 日 星期日 【晴】

i am at office now.

yesterday i had class with Ricky, my cousin, then i met my family.
Miki and i went to TST. she was looking for the eyeliner. we went to "The Skin Food".
quite nice. i'm going to buy the pre-make up gel. it's very mouistrunizing. i need to put on cream,
and that gel before the loose powder, otehrwise my skin looks very dry.
then.. we walked ard Habour City. didnt buy anything. we bought the drink at Hui Lau Shan,
the Taiwanese/Catonese tea house. then... walked around and back to TP.
i think i will go do some sopping next week. i didnt so shopping for 1 whole month !
coz i sticked with my saving plan. sucks.... without spending money on clothese or anything extra
things. i still spend ard HKD 2500/ month. i didnt really count it. but i guess so.
i think my transits is really expensive. i took taxi all the time. coz i couldnt wake up.
and then i visited doctors 2 times... quite expensive. then i went ice skating twice.. and then..
i treats mom lunches sometimes, and once my family. so yea..
but my lunch expenses is getting smaller. i dont know... i treat my cousin breakfast too.. so.. yea..

anyway, i fianlly got my pay cheques. they were all late !!!
and i.... could only wait till tomorrow for money. man... it's 5th today ! =(

honey and i are good. good good good =)
i love him heehee.

Ella goes on holiday till Fri. she left me a big mess to clear.
i dont mean some cleaning stuffs. coz i dont helpher washing anymore now.
there're 10 things on the memo tag that i think i have to do.
mostly are the classes arrangements. i dont like that.
she was on sick leaves for 2 days half, and then the classes are changed.
Pav took her classes. and then i needed to explain to the parents and students.
then this week, she's on holiday, i wonder the parents wont trust us.
yea, we're taking control of everything, but we're losing as well.

or let say... Pav is not as good as Ella. i m not racisum, but i am sure the parents dont really like Pav.
so.... sigh... i dont know...
i dont want her lose classes, but the point is... "one on one classes' teacher"
and some other classes shouldnt be replaced, as if for the personal leaves.
then many students take leave. i have to re-arrange the MU classes.

what the hell, where got time to MU for them? our schedule is basically full, especially Ella goes on
holiday! May is busy, Pav is busy. where we can find time and teachers to make up classes??
and then changing teachers all the time that s WHAT the parents HATE the MOST from other centers.
the parents come to us coz we dont always change teachers, and the stuedents like Ella, right?
schedule and teacheres are not stable... if it's all changing..... it would reuin the WHOLE business.
that's why i'm so busy to fix the schedule ! and i need to explain a lot to ppl.
i need to fix the thigns, and report to Ella...

i feel like doing something i really disaggree. but it's business. so i have to follow it.
i screw it, i really screw it. do i need to learn to accept it?
what i am doing now should be for some accidential reasons, such as sickness.
if it's peronal leaves, then why not planing better or stop the classes?
we should inform the parents in a properiate way first, then let them to choose if they want the
teacher being replaced, then we arrange for them. ahhhhh i feel like... i should do better, and i could
do much better. but now i screw it. and Ella doesnt sense there could be problems !
i feel like it's quite irresponsible, as in what a learning center doing.

anywya... i discuss with Ella on Sat that she needs to do something for the CNY promotion,
if she still plan to do it. she just said... oh... yea.. give them a free lesson for trying new courses.
but please... we need to discusse on it first before i do all by myself ! i wonder if you would like
the product after i have done. and then i told her, i am leaving in middle March.
i would help her till Sat, then i fly on Mon. and i hope to help her get things done before i quit.
she's gonna have a new center, and i would like to help her, as a friend.
i wanna help her on doc, i wanna help her on anything she might need me, especially when something
is involved with chinese language. i would go abck to school in April. but i still wish to help her.
so.... i really dont know.... i hope she sucess. but she need to be careful.

>>February 5, 2007 at 4:24:01 AM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 2 日 星期五 【晴】

i'm drinking a hot madarin drink now.
i ust took a very relaxing shower. i wanna wash the tireness of my past week.

last night was so sad. coz honey and i argued. i really dissapointed him again, or.. i made him worried
and angry at me. i felt really bad. i couldnt just let it be and went to sleep.
i made my promise, and here you go... listen... Castor does listen to her honey Stephen.
Cas is not going to meet Matthew, whom i met from Cavern, LKF. and i didnt meet Rami as well.
i wanna meet Rami, coz he's my friend. yea, but... i dont know... i'm sick , so i dont wanna go out
anyway. and i have promised that i wont go to the clubbing place anymore. coz i dont want to make
him worried for me. i felt really bad but yea, i think about him, so.... i really listen to him.

hummmm.... today, that strange man came. i was so scared. he's the one who left me a photo and no.
of him. he came singing a song to me. then ask me to call him. it's so crazy.
May and Ella were in teaching, they came out imediately. i was so scared. i turned back looking at
them, and i said in no sound that "Fuck !" coz i was very shocked ! i didnt know what to do...
they kept laughing... i was tinking what the hell, then i said dont laugh.
actually i dont find funny at all. i have no protection for myself, especailly when i'm alone at the office.
he really freaked me out. i looked at him i didnt say anything.
he did came in. he did ! so crazy ppl ...

Ella asked me to assit her class today. it was phonics. i was wondering if she trusts my phonics.
i was giving an exam to the students. anyway... it's not my business, i am just assiting.
it's the nice experience though.

Ella was going to LKF tonight with her husband and friends. she invited me to go..
i refused.
and after work, i took a taxi to home. i'm soooooo tired...
after dinner, i just rest.

last night end up very sweet. coz honey and i talk over.. and i did promise i wont give my no. to
ppl so easily and i would be careful. i wont go clubbing anymore.
i would miss the music, the light and the dancing.. but... i dont want to make him worried.
i dont think i would meet Matthew too... unless.... i see him on street someday.
but i'm not sure if i could recgonize him hahaha... anyway... i'm so sorry.. i would like to make friend
with him. but.... i think honey has his points and i dont want to make him sad coz of Matthew.
i might lose a friend.. but.. yea..

i love honey. hee.

>>February 3, 2007 at 3:54:39 PM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 1 日 星期四 【晴】

hummm

last night was very sweet. coz of my honey hee.
hummm
toda i was so sick, actually i dont know what happened, but i feel something wrong.
maybe i was too tired? i dont know. i ve been sleeping 8 hrs/ night.
i couldnt wake up, it's like my body is not... okay...
i feel languid or foggy.

at work... i didnt really chat on line, coz.. i didnt feel like to talk to anyone even my honey.
it's was so blank.
then.. i was resting, and i watched "Cars" again, on my lap top... cool.. very nice =P
then... hummm still chated a bit with honey..
then went to post office, and had McDonald's happy meal. i like that toy =)
then... back to office, resting.. and... doing some work..
then Ella was back. assiting class, then... went out buy a hot tea.. Taiwanese tea.
then... working... quite busy...

back home resting.

i got a call from Matthew.we might meet on Sun. hummmm so long time not seeing him.
maybe go for a coffee, that's it. tomorrow might meet Rami. but i'm not feeling well,
so i wonder if i should go.

anyway, i really desire my holiday.
i want it asap.
you know what. i told honey today that... sometimes i really want to get out of the office.
i hate being watched and some ppl just came in whenever they want.
how many strangers had came and asked me for number or being stupid to me?
they really freaked me out! but i couldnt do anything. i was frighten a few times.

the santa man still came actually. but i find weird and weird now.
coz.. it's like i have shown him that i'm not interested to keep contact with him.
why he keep coming asking me to go out with him?
i couldnt just say i dont want to see him anymore, piss off.. i couldnt say that.
it's office and i am afraid of my safty. i feel so bad. i dont want to talk to him, but... you know..
alright... honey had said like... if i talk to that man, then he wouldnt talk to me till i resign.
gosh... i couldnt take it... i mean... i dont want to lie to honey, but i cant just ask the santa leave.
i'm not attracted to him. i really wish him to go, leave me alone. but.. i cant ask him to leave.
everytime he talks to me, i just oh yea, oh really? okay. that's it.
and everytime he talks to me, i'm acting busy. maybe he's an lonely old man ? i dont know.
i'm not intested in his life !! leave me alone could he? i dont mean to be mean but... i dont know.
i just feel very weird, why he keeps pushing me to go out with him?! sick ?

a guy friend contacted me, still called me in some sweet words. and i recently got an e-mail from
some net friend. in the e-mail, i saw the picture. that guy said he took this pic before.
well, now i know obviously he was lying!
what a liar ! and last time he talks to me.. i asked why a guy cheated. coz he was cheating on his girl !
he said.. normal man cheat coz they're greedy. a wise man cheats, coz they could take care more than
one. ha... what a proud thing to do huh? who he thinks he is. i dont know, i dont care. fuck off.
i'm so sorry for his girlfriend. but i wont be a fool anymore. I HAD ENOUGH.

well, i am not some girl like an angel. my honey even asked me not to swear.
my honey called me bitch before. i am against my parents if i need to.
i did say some bad words at office when i'm really pissed off by the printer.
once i broke other's relationship even i didnt mean to.
or i did had an affair before when i was with Benny, so long long time ago.
i did go clubbing 3 times or 4 times in the past 3 months. my honey was so worried and pissed off.
i have contacts with some guy friends,
BUT I LOVE my honey, STEPHEN BAILEY, i cherrish my relationship.
so, whoever wonder to step in, no way ! fuck off !

>>February 2, 2007 at 5:01:03 PM GMT+8

2007 年 1 月 31 日 星期三 【晴】

you know the most gentel voice in this world?
it's the voice from someone you love.
he's my sweetheart.

hummm we're fine again.
i think... he was right. we both have our points, but... i really neglected something..
so.. i was not quite considerate enough.... but i think now is okay =)
heee.. my honey is the great man in the world ! well.. i didnt say this to him heehee.

i saw honey's new fishes today. they're soooooo cute...
he also has a crap with a new tank. quite nice. i would love his fishes. i dont mean i would eat them,
but i love them, coz... i love him.

i know... he loves me.

anyway, i'm happy, coz.... i have a man like him to take care me in the future.
sometimes, i might find him unreasonable, but after awhile, when i understood his meaning fully,
i would find him very great. i dont know why i'm so attracted to him, maybe that's just how things
happened on us. and i always hurt him, haha.. so stupid me... i feel so sorry....
but he still loves me... and me too...
hee.

anyway, Ella came today, but left.. so some classes were canceled.
i took over one class of hers. some revision with the children. hummm my first time to do phonics..
then.... i had watched a movie.. "shopgirl". humm not finished yet.
May and Pav are sick as well. all our teachers are sick. i'm getting sick too.
i felt un-well last night. this morning was not so good.
but i slept 8 hrs/ night in the past 2 days, so i 'm still okay. but i feel like i'm falling sick.
hummm.... yea...

anywya, i'm getting stronger and stronger.
thank you Jesus =) you'd never left me, you'd never dislike me.
You love me. and thanks my darling honey.

>>February 1, 2007 at 1:44:44 PM GMT+8

2007 年 1 月 30 日 星期二 【晴】

Hi, this is Castor again.

sometimes i would wonder what i am doing here.
coz, it sounds so meaningless for me sitting in the office or ... just doing nothing at all.

i brought the lap top and the vcds i have brought for long, which i d nver had time watching.
and i watched. in the morning, doing some simple suffs, then watch movie,
and had unch, and watched movie. i watched " Proof" today. very nice.
Ella is sick for 2 days. Pav is here taking over classes. hummm my students still come.
i find that... the meaning of this job is fading off.
i was so happy when i knew i was employed.
coz it was just like the magic, like planed perfectly.
and Stephen and i started right after i have entered this small company.
i should be busy though, preparing for the CNY promotion, and some other doc, notes,
or any other things. it should be challenging, but... i just feel like.. i'm not working that hard for Ella.
if this business mine, i might go through every detials and work very hard on everything.
coz i'm like that. i tend to be the art worker. i like to finish things by myself, from the begining to have done.
hummmm... busy and stress make me suffocate. but boring would just cool me down.
it's very complicated and pretty bad. whatever it is, i just know i m going to take a long holiday.
ard my holiday, it should be the busiest time in the office, but i wouldnt be here.
i dont know.
i really treat Ella as my good friend, but, in the business talking, i think my job satisfication is declining
for long already. it's super boring and... tiring.

anyway,...
i'm not comlaining, maybe i am, but i dont mean to.
coz i know there're many many ppl suffer in real bad situation.
i'm not one of them. but you know, i'm seeking for some new challenges and changing.
i need to improve myself. i'm not satisfied.

i start to wonder if i'm the easy satisfied person.

this monring, Nelson was chatting with me. funny him bringing so many interesting questions.
we had a very nice conversation, i should say discussion.
i used to find him a bit bitchy hahaha... but today is very fine.
maybe he grow up a little bit? ahhhhh just kidding. he has his good side.
i think he's a good guy.

well, i dont know how the future would be like.
i 'm kinda frustrated sometimes. it's like..... i know what i should do, i know what i deserve..
but i just cant make it. i cant . it's like...... i couldnt make things happen, coz i am lack of... something.
i dont know. maybe i have to wait? "Everything it has its time" ?
i'm working so hard, and finidng the way... but it seems like... i'm heading no where.
hummmm...
is there anything i can do ?

there's some hints around?

anyway...
last night.. i was still sad about him, but i guess the things would be fine.
i dont know, he's busy, and we dont talk actually. maybe he's not ready to talk to me again?
and honestly, i think i need some time, too.

>>January 31, 2007 at 11:40:44 AM GMT+8

2007 年 1 月 29 日 星期一 【晴】

yesterday i was fine.
after the class with Alex, my naughty Alex, i rested and watched VCD at office.
"shhhhh......" dont tell anyone please haha.
i watched "Mr. & Mrs. Smith". quite nice. i wanna finished it soon.
back home resting.. having dinner..
then talk with honey.

hummmm...
i was so hurt last night... i wasnt very angry but very hurt.
i cried actually.

i dont wanna talk about last night here.
i dont want to be rude to him. i dont want him feel bad.
for him, it would sound like i disrespect him, if i post the entry here.

i was very hurt. i am still feeling bad.

>>January 30, 2007 at 5:57:26 AM GMT+8

2007 年 1 月 28 日 星期日 【晴】

yesterday i ha class with my cousin,
then... we went to Festival Walk with my family.
Miki and i went ice skating. it was fun. haha..
dad trie to take picures, but it wasnt so good.
hummmm after that, we ate at KFC.
then... walked around...
then we sent Ricky home and we had dinner outside.

hummmmm yesterday was quite fun...
then went home watching tv... that Korean show is damn funny !!!
i really love that girl. she's soooooo cute !
then.. hummm..... turn on the laptop, checking connection.
damn... hahaha... cant connect through other ppl.
i do have the wireess router, but just lazy to try plugging in.
i'm an idiot at tech stuffs. the phone i ve been using for so long, i didnt know what funtions
i could have. sick. then,.. yea... i'm so suck at high tech things. good quality tech on my hand is
such a waste hahaha..
then,... nothing much... shower and watching tv..

i had a dream on the night before yesterday.
i dreamt of Stephen. hummmmmmmmm.... yea...
but recently, we really seldom talk. it's like his jetlag is quite serious though.
i dont know, i m in HK what can i do for him, right ?
ahhhhhh.... just feel strange.


i'm at office now trying to connect the laptop to internet...
but i find that's not quite possible. humm i dont know why it doesnt work even i coppied
the user name and password. the same thing, lane line, smae username and password.
strange.. no.. it must not be strange. it should be my problem.

hummmm.... boring monday.

Rami sms me on Sat. asking me if i wanna hang out.
i had hotpot at home that night, so.. i didnt go..
maybe the coming Sat ? just hang out. so long time not seeing each others? need to update news. ha.

then got a sms from Mattew, wow... it's so long havent his news already.
suddenly mesg me at 1:15am. well... i dont know when we will be meeting.
hummm maybe Sunday? dont know what he wants to do as well.

Cap is back to Van already... chated with her once on Fri.
then Ade is busy, Cyn should be busy too.. dont kow how's Vicvic.
cant contact her. hummm i miss my friends.

i couldnt wake up every morning.
have been very late to work always.
it's like i'm demanding for sleep, i m desiring my freedom and spare time.
it's like... i dont have much things to do all the time at work,
sometimes quite busy though, it's so boring actually. only me sitting here.
no connection to the world.
i want to go out, go hitibition, go muesium, go shopping, go to the park, go libary,
go walk around, go ice skating, go do aything i wanna do without the time limited haha..
i wanna go on HOLIDAY !!! Vacation !!!! PLZ~~~~~
sigh.

by the way,
Ella just called, and she asked me if i have told my mom yet.
no way... i'm so scared to tell my parents about my ticket.
it's paid already, it's confirmed.
oh my god... i would be so happy to go there honestly.
if my family would not be angry or upset, i would be looking forward to going everyday.
but the point is.. i shouldnt keep too high expectation, for anything.
hummm i dont know..

Stephen and i dont talk much coz of the jet lag.
i hate that... i mean i dont quite understand... coz i dont have jet lag at all.
a bit only. i only need 2 days or 3 days to cope with it, and i dont feel sufferring on jetlag.
so i couldnt really understand why some ppl suffer a lot. but it's okay.
haha... actually... it's not that bad, a few days only.

for me it's like... on the plane, i would rest, keep taking short naps,
then when i arrive, i sleep late and wake up early, so i only sleep 6 or 7 hrs/ day.
then in 2 days, i could funtion well.
i remember when i'm back to HK that arrival at 11 pm, i need to work right the next day at
1 pm. i felt tired, but not big deal. it's just as usual. i m alsways tired to work haha.
well at that moment, i wasnt quite used to back to HK, not about the jetlag but some other
issues..

hummm anyway... now is 12 46 noon.
i will meet mom later... should i tell her today?
i'm so scared.

>>January 29, 2007 at 5:04:15 AM GMT+8