2006 年 9 月 17 日 星期日 【晴】

hummmmm really tired..
last night we chatting with my dear till 3 30am..
then i was tosing and turning.. cant sleep..
then today woke up at 9 am, what the hell, i was so late to wake!

hummmm working.. very busy day..
so messy after weekends, then today i just tidy up stuffs and doc.
what a big mess for me huh... haha.. thanks for Kate hahaha =D just kidding.
anyway, i was okay...
i didnt really have my own lunch time, coz i was shopping and making photocopy for office at my lunch hour.
oh my god.... i ust took 5 mins to have my fastfood to go.
hum,...... afternoon was busy on other things though.. then Ella's back, we worked together..
so busy, then we started chatting up.. nice.. haha she's nice haha...
but i'm damn tired..

alright, hummm
yesterday ws really great, thanks Queenie~~~*hug~
humm we went to Langham Place... walked around, then we both bought the earings from ans.
well, we saw ShuiPo there. she's working there. humm we have drink.. then..
hummm we went to Sha Tin, Ikea, i gotta buy some boxes for my room.. i gotta relocate my stuffs,
i need to just keep my things neat.. damn.. icould be lazy like a pig on my stuffs..
coz i m too easy tired, then... i would only do the important stuffs.. not important always have to
wait and wait.. i'm so sorry.. it's like i'm the worst host or lord of my stuffs. haha..
humm i did buy the shoses yesterday... it's like.. big disscount for promotion, it only cost $399.
it used to be $ 550. heehee... and the earings are for $72, coz it's after 20% off and anotehr discount
from SuiPo. heehee.. nice..
then at Ikea, i bought one case only, coz i couldnt find the thing i want.. and then buy some crackers.
hummm i love crackers =)

we seat at Starbucks.. bluffing and chating for nuts, hahahaha... so interesting actually.
two girls sitting on sofa then start talking about sex and realtionship. hahahaha..
well, i'm not that stupid queenie..hahaha.. i mean Queenie is not stupid, but only a bit "too Guai",
which is a good thing, coz it makes me look a bad girl hahahaha...
well, if Queenie is reading my entry, then she will call me soon hahahaha...

okay, calm down castor..

hummm
i ve lots of thigns to do at office..
and me Stephen and me just ... being fine now... he's starting to be busy for work.
hummmmmmmm good luck my dear... i mean, he 's been doing lots of preparation work..
i hope it would work nice.
our relationship is very... very special.. and then i dont even could tell or explain what's going on.
coz, simply i dont think anyone will understand. i dont expect anyone would understand though.
coz it's like only he and me would understand what's going on.
if he betrays me, it will gonn be hurting so much, but the thing is... if it happens, i will just let it happen,
i wont regret for anything. coz this is my choice, and i'm responsible for it.
some friends ask me.. how about he's lying.. then... i dont think i should do anything though.
coz i'm not the judge. i'm just being myself. if he means to hurt me, then... i deserve it obviously.
i dont want to stop myself or reject him by my worries.. coz.. that's only worries. it's not real.
and then... ppl cant accept, it doesn mean i cant accept. why i should reject someone i accept
for some kindda god sake for myself? i dont think i'm this kind of girl.
yea, i'm taking risk.. but the future is.... something you dont know.
and then... the thing is... i'm not gonna restrict myself.
i really love my friends, coz they really love me lots. i really appreciate their concerns, thanks them lots.
ella told me today... her frieds would advise her only once. everyone is doing the same.
but when the friends fall, we all support. great.

hummm i'm pretty tired..

then i got the e-ami lfrom Raffle campus today..
hell.... what the messy schedule... and i dont even find the date of my first class.
i would probably take 6 hrs lecture for the same sub/day. and two days/week.
i will tkae two courses, about Councilling Tech and Personality. heehee.
but the point is when to start the courses????????
i really need to knwo this.. coz... i really enjoy my work with Ella now..
i dont wanna quit my job yet, then........ i plan to go back to school around Nov or Dec.
so, ... i could work longer here, and save more money... i need money to do something later.
i'm saving the big budge now.

alright, anyway, i was searching for a necklace for my dear...
i didnt find a nice one.. yea therere quite some.. but one is too cute for him, got the mickey on,
but very shiny coz got some crystal, like the diamond. it costs... $400. it's not too expensive.. but
in a certian way yes, quite expensive.
another one is just too expensive. it costs $1300. $1300 can do or buy lots of things already.

today, i posted Ade, Cyn and Cap somethings agin! hahaha.. coz last time i forgot to bring..
then also for my dear.. last time i forgot.. hahahaha =D
then today all got posted! yay castor~!
but then it's quite expensive though... hummm it's alright, they're my cloest friends and my dear.

i need to sleep.. night..

i dontk now what to do now, as in if i could go back to school imediately..
coz.. i was planing to... work for Ella for at least 2- 3 months. then i could save quite some money.
but now... sigh... if i go ack school imediately, then i would be able to grad faster..
but the thing is... since get back to school, it would be hard to look for the part- time job.
and i cant have a full time job anymore.. this is my first full time job and i'm happy working here..
so,... it's really hard to make decision. i find such the nice place for myself, i dont wanna leave so fast.
after grad, i will go apply a job in my ideal working industry... so.. i dont know..
time would tell, right?
Jesus would tell =)

>>September 18, 2006 at 3:42:33 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 15 日 星期五 【晴】

Everything in its time

Sometimes i wonder what lies ahead
How long til my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
so many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and i try to pray
in the silence i can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like that i'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
why i should give up
But i'm stubborn in the things i believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to the patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One i still cant see
A little surprise, like your love in your life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to the patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time



i wonder if it's the problem of nature, or it's just my problem.
is it his problem or is our problem in the society.
i wonder and wonder... i dont have the clue.
i find no answer.

my heart is so pain now.
coz... i think i'm not gonna trust anyone now.
i might just need the time to calm down a bit... or i just cant.

i dont have any rules in relationship, except one thing that is honesty with sincerity.
but then, there are thousands rules i dont understand, but they're in real and stable.
i am very flexible. i could deal with different kind of ppl. i'm born with this.
but everytime,... i just cant... get along well with the ppl i love.
when it comes to love, i usually dont find my choices.
maybe that's the distance. and i'm very tired..
coz it hurts me so much after all.
once again, then again...
everytime i thought i ve met the right person. and they would leave me coz of... the distance.
at the begining, you've known already. if you cant make it, why you give a try.
and why it's always me who trusting we could make it.
eventually, that's me saying we can make it, but the guy leave.
or somehow we got lots of problems coz of this issue, then leading to break up.

but why...
it's not my perception, why you give me this.
and when you give it to me, why you take it back so fast.
i just dont understand.

i ve so much faith, i m so faithful, honest and sincere,
but everyime i just cant make it. coz... i'm castor lau.. and... i'm a chinese girl in hk, is it?
i should be with the chinese guy here, right?
i really hate myself... i love myself so much and i hate myself so much.
why i have been a nice girl, why i have to trust everyone around.
why i should be giving love to ppl, i couldnt just hang on it, then fooling around.
coz it's the same. there's no big differences.
like what i say, ppl come and they will go.
there's nothing i should be sad of. coz it becomes the rule between us, all of us.
friendship could stay long, but love cannot.
alright then, i know what i should do.

i wont accept anyone now.
get out of my life, i dont want any tears for anyone.
it's all enough.
i dont need anyone's pity. it'd never meant to be mine.
stay away from me from now. i'm not a hot girl, i'm not sexy, i'm not pretty or beautiful.
i'm just a bitch or i'm just a very normal simple girl in this damn shit society.
i'm growing up in this shit, so i'm so shitty actually.
i would go on smoking, drinking, everything i wanna do i would just do it.
i'm the super ego evil. i ve my own rules from now, then you would never know me.
it d never worth you to take a min glancing on me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

part two:

i'd woke up two times in 7 hrs sleep. i slep around 3 30am...
i was sick... and then ... why i woke up? cozi got the call from Ella.
she needs me to go back open the door for Kate. Kate doesnt have the key.
shit... i just wanna sleep.. this is weekend man~~~
but it's by accident. she cant come bak to office today. her mom is in hospital now.
so, i'm really willing to help her actually. and then after that, she called for helps as in
she need some information of some doc at the office. but i couldnt help lots,
coz i m not at office today. it's Kate today.. i dont have the information at home.
anyway, i called back on the way to my grandpa's home.
her mom is okay... it's glad to hear about. coz her mom is very nice to me, too..
i'm so tired... and i feel a bit sick... maybe coz of my period.

today... i came back home around 12 noon.. i guess...
then i didnt see dear on line, maybe he's sleeping already or still busy for the work.
i'm not angryat him.. i just feel a bit... insecure..... coz we're not stable....
and i dont know what is his decision... i'm worried for that.
last night he told me not to worry about us... but then today morning or noon didnt see him..
i know he doesnt want me to worry, but how would i dont be worry? coz the fact is...
we're not stable yet...
today, i've tried some silly things for him... hummm yea.. silly but i enjoy it...
i'm giving in. and then if we really need to break up, it's okay, i understand.
but i dont want to stop for the worries. coz it's meaningless.. i would rather giving a try..
humm i dont want him suffer for me, i just dont want to see him suffering.. i love him..
but the point is... are me meant to give up then?
i dont know.. i dont want to give up so easily.. and i m trying my best..
i'm watching for the signs that... how things would be like... i dont think i should decide right now..
somehow i really desire for him, somehow i'm really in love with him already.
i dont want any judgement on us. coz it happens on only the two of us, so... no one should be
invovled. friends would pressure us by the advise... i know... i'm listening, but i ve to make my own
decision. plz remember that i'm lsitening, but just wanna make my own decision, and i'm responsible for myself.
whatever...
i hope he will be fine.
i've been thinking of him all the time... i'm really crazy for him...

ahhh yea... funny that today saw Benny on line.
his msn nick name was strange. is he thinking of something about himself?
i'm not sure, but it's werid. he shouldnt say that actually..
it would be quite mean if i was still in love with him.
then i've asked Cyn, coz i was chatting with her. i told Cyn about my feelings for Benny now.
she's glad for me that i'm really over of him now. well =) thank you.
no matter what... i'm nto going back to Benny anymore. it was just like the nightmare.
even when i was not with Stephen, i felt much better after totally given him up.
i lvoed him so much, and look at what he did, what he said, just so mean..
i'm lucky that, yea,just like what my aunt said, i'm so lucky to break up with him.
i dont know.... i think everything has been on the plan.. and it has its time.
so yea...

and then i've chatedwith Cap, and Shan and Queenie..
THANKS ALL MY GIRLS!!! i love them so much ahaha *huggiesss~~
i mean... when i'm down, they're always there for me~
how lovely they are~~

and Stephen... i wish we will be fine..
no matter what, i m so glad that we have been so real to each others.
it's really hard to find someone like him... he's just so fantastic for me. almost like perfect.
he's 90%. the 10% is... our distance now.
he said i should never back to HK. i was saying i had no choices, coz i didnt want to work at black market.
i dont know... i will try my best to go back next year.. perhaps finding a job there?
then i could stay along. i miss him..

>>September 16, 2006 at 4:13:22 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 14 日 星期四 【晴】

i'm damn tired.... really sleepy...
i thik i could fall asleep anytime actually..

hummm last night i slept earlier... but still couldnt wake up...
then... later, i saw my dear on line...... we have been chating and i was doing my changing
and make up.
heehee... then.... ve been..... in sweet time with him. so loving guy he is..heehee...
we're doning fine.

then abc kto work, ve been doing some paper work.. then i do my personal stuffs..
then at lunch time i went to post office, sending posts to Ade, Cyn and Cap, and him =)

i miss him... have been tinking of him all the time...

>>September 15, 2006 at 1:48:52 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 13 日 星期三 【晴】

i'm really sleepy...
i couldnt stand that man..
ve been alte to wake again.. then today didnt have time to buy coffee..
hell... i was so tired at office... kindda feeling bad and bad..

then i had lunch, did some shopping at my luch time..
actually... in this week, i didnt really have my own lunch time.
everyday heping office at the lunch time.. i usually take 10 minsfor lunch.
well, i do do personal stuffs, as in chanting on phone or shopping for for friends.

then today... i was not busy at all.. could take a break...
i was sitting and thinking of him all day long. and i m sleepy sleepy sleepy all day long..
i m not in the good mood..
and then...

eventually after work, i met Shan for dinner.. we had Japanese noodle...
then shopped in Body Shop. i got the disscoutn with my member card..
then she can get cheaper make up stuffs, and i just bought the night cream.
i really need to try it.. my skin is just so sensitive and dry...
anyway.. nice..

i wonder if.. i should keep staying up waiting for chating with him..
coz i'm too tired already... it made me feel sick.
then... my period come so suddenly today.. oh my...

anyway...
today i felt the earth quake..
you know what... hk never had this...
kindda scary huh? a bit...

hummmm today is the first time of my bad feelings, since meeting Stephen.
i feel so bad..

>>September 14, 2006 at 3:08:23 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 12 日 星期二 【晴】

hummmm today is quite tired...
i woke up late... 1 hr late... very very tired.
i'm a bit sick..
i tink coz of th sudden change of weather, and then the air con is always high at work.
very cold... i used to wear tang to work, but then here i gotta wear long sleeves or sweater.
haha..

hummm lunch time was okay...
i did some photo-copy at the photo-copy shop.
then took the neggut meal with juice and also coffee, ate at office, from McDonald's.
then... waiting for the call.. he didnt call today.. then i called him..
humm wish he's fine anyway...

today working on the posters for the whole day..
dman tired.... and then i've done the third one already... and working on the forth one.
hummmmmmmmmmm yea...
i ve other project on hand, too... hummmmm see how things go...
i'm very tired hahaha... coz i dont have enough sleep... hee..
i need the coffee everytime.. and then i find the coffee is not strong enough already..
i'm not addicted to it, somehow i need it to keep myself awake, focusing on work or stuffs..

after work, i did some shopping for Ade, Cyn and Cap hahaha
i bought 2 different gifts for each person. i buy myself one cell-phone protecter(it's a small bag),
and then i bought one nice gift for someone. i think he will like it =) it's cute though, and it's useful.
i would like to see it on his desk or somewhere near to bed in his room. kekeke...
so, totally, i bought 8 gifts from the same store gosh.... but it's not really expensive...
it's a bit expensive anyway, but it's fine! =) coz Ade, cyn and Cap are my dearest friends there.
then i think of Vic... how's she doing now? why she doesnt contact me anymroe since back to SG?
hummmm i miss her... wondering when she will come to HK again.

then last night or few days ago, Micheal mesg me in MSN that he might come to HK.
oh~~ welcome welcome =)

hummm i've updated my friendster profile tonight.
erhhhhh.... we've talk about that last night.
by the way, am i selfish or willful ? or inconsiderate, impatient?
coz sometimes, i would find that i'm not good enough.

>>September 13, 2006 at 3:54:19 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 11 日 星期一 【晴】

hummmmm

today is very tired... *yawn~~

how to say..
last night after off line, then chated with mom in the living room.
we talk about Nelson. hummm then we went to bed.

today moring i woke up three time then finally.... fine haha..
hummm i was quite pissed off by someone today this morning.
but then after a chat with Stephen i felt much better. and i told you what,
let me say i told myself that i wouldnt be affected by that (fucking) person anymore.
bastard!!
i want to be friendly, but plz, wake up cas! he doesnt even want it !
no matter what, life goes on, and i'm happy =D

okay,
then..... went to work... and i missed the bus for three times..
then eventually i took taxi.
everyday taking taxi... that's quite bad actually. i could walk, but coz of rain.
i should take the mini bus... but then i always miss the bus...

hummm working is fine heehee..
i'm doing okay~

then lunch time, walked around.... then ending up buying a few pices of sushi in Jusco,
then walked back to office..
i had 15 mins to finish my lunch.
but then SUPPRISE~~~ ^^ heehee.... the supprise came..heehee...
then i only had 5 mins to eat my little lunch.
supprise~ heehee

today morning is quite cold, then these days keep raining..
and i keep myself on coffee and eat less. feeling pretty much like on diet.
and it's time to start on diet too.
but today morning is also quite HOT. hahaha...
only him would understand ! ahahaha...

God bless..
may God bless Ella. she's sick today.
may God bless Alesja... dont know how she is now..
may God bless everyone...

>>September 12, 2006 at 3:01:49 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 10 日 星期日 【晴】

hihi~
=)
today is nice..

by the way,
got a call by Nelson.
he called.
hummmmmmm he left in the afternoon.
i felt a bit werid when i got his call today. coz of his running nose.
after the call, i wondered if he has cried. no matter what, he left, went back to his place to study.
hummm i was feeling a bit weird about his sms after hang up.
i felt a kind of sadness...
Nelson, would you be back next year? that what i wondered. you know what...
so bad that after i'm bac kfrom Van, i got only one day seeing him. and that was his visiting to our
ex office. he was visiting me and spending lunch time with me. then we started to talk more
about inner stuffs, as in the realionship thing... at that time, i was still struggling in the past affair.
hummm he smile then walked by, and then he hit my head, and asked me why dont i find another one.
at that time, i know he wasnt just a hi-bye friend. he actually cares about me.

there were quite some happy memorries with him and his frineds. he introduced me his friends..
we went to his frined's house for a bbq party. hahaha... he make the mashmellow for me. so nice.
i had wondered if he liked me. co at the first time he came to our office with his mom and brother.
Edgar was saying that he was sometimes staring at me. then... he's really honest with me.
he just sahres every little things with me in his day. he could call me three times or call me really late
at night just for some small jokes or whatever. he's really talkative... and he's down to earth.
hummm i dont know... i pretended nothing happened.. coz he didnt show clearly that if he had ever
like me.
but then laast night and today.. i found him a bit strange. i dont know how to say..
just sense that he's strange.

i called Ade, i told her how i feel.. she said it's normal. just like us in Van.
we always miss each others.. and then we hug and cry. so it's normal.
i guess so... and then he's so far now.. he's going back to UK.. so...
probably next year we all have new ppl around, new feelings =)
take care, best wishes for my frined, Nelson. i will miss him always, as a friend.
good luck on his studies there.. dont be a lazy pig plz.

hummm heehee...
today, no classes at office!!
and Ella didnt come back =D so only me working in the office the whole day.
very very free, but busy though. i was late on my lunch time, and i was working on time.
so... the things is... i'm doing so fine and i like my job :) hee.
hummmmm new projects coming... still holding on the old project but then got new stuffs joining..
so actually quite busy handeling diff kinds of things, but then when the paretns or children come,
i ve to present the courses and be professional on every small things.
so... it's kindda challenging! :P and i'm doing soooooo fine !!!! =P i love it!
the feeling is so great!

but the thing is....
i got a call when i was buy my drink at Hui Lau Shan (Local cantonese fav. dessert house from Tai Wan).
hahahaha...
you know what.... heehee that's sweet to recieve that call hohohohoho ^^
hummmmm heeeheeeeee...
i called him last night... that was quite supprised haha..
then today i was supprised by him... hee ^^ finally got his call...

after lunch time, went back to office to continoue working...
so tired...

after school, i walked by a store, then i went inside...
i found something so nice =) tha's the prefume heehee!!
hummm i wonder he might like that ^^
it's not for him, it's for me... but i tink he will like the smell heehee...

Thanks God...
thanks for every little lovely things...

>>September 11, 2006 at 3:47:53 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 9 日 星期六 【晴】



hihi,

hummm few days havent come here bloging..
i'm doing so fine =) hehee..

let me see... why i'm so happy everyday now? heehee... probably coz i dont find i'm doing hard lor =P
hummm the work is okay. not too hard..
but i'm so happy to chat with Ella, as in we could actually talk about other stuffs beside work.
she shared with me about her family, her past. well, she's friendly.
i bought the cheese cake for my family on Thurs, then fri was fine.
cheese cake is for the celebration of my first day work. it was fine and nice =)
then fri was happy, coz after fri, i have two holidays on weekends. hee..
but then sat, i went back there, coz i need to meet up another receptionist, part-time.
hummm she's nice, she's simple and friendly. she's still a student in A-Level. great.
then... after 5 pm, i went to Sha Tin by myself..
hummm i checked out the stores, which they had pants. hahah bullshit..
i mean... i shopped.. hahaha..
i bought the pants, at the United Color of Belenton(do i spell well?). then i bought one brouse
at Esprit-edc. (i m lazy to check at the dictionary). and then i bought a smaple of the prefume.
hummmmm okay....

then had nice sleeps, then had a nice sunday today, too~
yesterday couldnt come on line.. the Nevigator wires was broken, not at my home, but somewhere
near to our house. so that's the company problem.

whatever, i had a good day rest hee..
then walked out with mom. hummmm then met dad, and bought the food and bread to home =P
hummmm nice...

resting resting..

by the way,....
i checked the songs just now... all the songs re sad, very sad at the computer.
when i listen to them, i thought of the hard days... i have been crying alot..
have been suffering.. now, all is end, but when i heard of the songs again..
i dont feel nice.
but i think the songs must be so nice, why i ruin the songs coz of the old problems.
and all the problems were gone.. my heart was dead already.
so, it should be okay =)

hummmm honestly, i've been feeling nice with a guy now..
heehee... dont ask me who 's that or what's going on so supprisely.. coz i m not ready to say
anything yet. and this person is very nice to me..
hummm coz the thing is... i dont want to tell everybody when i'm still not so sure about the thing.
so, i will let you know someday when it's time to come confessing! ^^
but i'm really doing so fine now! congrats to me !!!! ^^
i'm happy~~~

thanks God for blessing me, and blessing China Holiness church!
thanks LSC... Thanks the church.. thanks all my dearest friends!!!
i loveyou all !!!

Thank You Stephen... you just brighten my days..
i wonder and wonder... you just treat me so well..
i feel so sweet of you... ha.. maybe i'm doing so silly, but i'm not wrong.. i know i m not wrong..
i just hope that you're real. and time will tell waht we should do.

>>September 10, 2006 at 4:20:39 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 6 日 星期三 【晴】

HEY !!!

OH MY GOD !!

good news for all of my best dearest here !
I VE CHANGED MY JOB !!!!!
OH ! HOW LOVELY IT IS !!!

IT WAS DAMN LUCKY !

coz... i was planing to get that interview, right?
i'd never known i would have the interviw if i didnt take the sick leave that day.
and then, i didnt know the vancancy if i didnt go pick up my sister with mom.
hahaha... then the next day, i went back to office much earlier, so as to prepare some doc. for myself.
coz i was planing to go interview with my projects in the "ex-office".
hummm after all, my boss Edgar came.
then he said he wanna talk with me. and we discussed for something.. then...
he was complaining to me. then asked me if i wanna take some changes or i could leave with the
last cheques. alright. i chose to leave.
bascially he was BULLSHIT. i asked him two questions, then i knew he was bullshit.
and then i knew all the things was FROM Dr. Liu. i really dislike him.
he's just... like the bitch. i wont say he's THE SON of the BITCH.
coz obvious that i dont know his mom, i shouldnt say his mom is a bitch.
whatever, what i asked was... when did you satrt to wonder my "ability". two days earlier.
Dr. Liu was talking to him that in the beginig of Sep, the center shouldnt be so messy.
it was really messy i know. but why.. and who made it... NOT ME but Dr. Liu.
i was not able to made thinkgs nice, coz i was just not able to do that anymore.
the sec que i asked was... so, now are you gonna hire someone like "me" ?
or you're just searching for anyone. he answered that it's hard to find someone like me, he need time
to MEET, not just FIND. Okay... then i knew what happened. he was just listening to him,
and that's exactly what he's always doing. and that's STUPID.
i'm not angry about getting "fired" or got CHALLENEG by him, i was just feeling stupid of him.
i m happy to leave, coz we're still friends. and i know i wont be happy if i continoue my duty there.
coz... he's asking for something more and more. he kept changing. today morning is the first version,
probably afternoon would be changed again. and then, guess what, coz of Dr. Liu.
and the thing is... Dr. Liu 'd never given good ideas one. they're asking more and more,
i was not able to adjust. it's really stressful and tiring, coz there's only me to do all the shifts.
i was not good.
sometimes i find them very unreasonable, coz they're doing something i would never do.
(maybe that's called the boss)
sometimes they're lying, i m not sure if he's just faking in front of me(we're friends).
and then, sense that the business is going well coz he's lucky. but very unlucky for his fellowers.
he's not a good boss.
and his principles are kindda strange. he's always changing. he could be a dangerous person,
but you'd never known when he's really serious or faked to you. i couldnt stand that actually.
( i'm sorry here, coz i shouldnt say that in the public. hummmm i dont think you know who my boss is.
so, plz just take it as... the personal talk.)
no matter what, he's still my friend, coz without business talk, he's sincere to me =)
my leaving is good for us and good for the business. i'm happy =)


anyway, CON. to ME ! i'm FREE now =P !
i dont need to work for him anymore ! YAY CASTOR ! =D
and.. haha... so interesting that... i got the interview at night.
and Ella, my new boss just called that girl, " who was replaced by me", not need to come.
coz she decided to use me. oh my god... i was guilty... but the timing was really like the magic.
coz.. i called her after i got "fired", i told her..i could start working imediately.
then she was happy to arrange the interview for me after off at 9pm.
WOW! she takes me ! heehee ^^ i'm so happy...

today is my first day..
it was not too busy, sometimes it is busy but i like this.
not too much workload, not too stressful, and she's so nice..
i feel more free, more comfortable working there.
and i could be my real self, dont need to fake anyting for the business.
i'm doing so happy today. and the kids are cute heehee~~~
i speak only Eng at office now, unless there's the parents speaking chinese to me.
no matter what, i hope that i would work at here longer and longer and much happier.
this time, i'm quite serious to work for her. more serious.
coz i like the env. i like the way i could be. yea... and they're nice, and friendly, i mean trule nice.
i really wanna do my job well =) and sounds like we could be friends =)
the location is at Tai Po area. so, i dont need much time to go there.
perhaps... i will be fine :)

anyway...
thanks Shan and Queenie!! ^^
they waited for me when i was in the interview.. eventhough outside raining so hard,
Shan still waited for me !! then.. that day i met Shan at Tsim Sha Tsui.
she's really my best friend in HK. haha.. i met her so late, then we rushed dinner at Spegitti House.
then rushed back to Tai Po.. aiya.. then after my interview, we HAD DESSERT !! ^^ with Queenie ~
OUR LADY NIGHT again. haha.. we chated for lots of stuffs huh ;)
thanks girls... oh my god... Queenie, you're nice..

saw Cyn on line today early at the morning, chating with her for awhile =P i miss her !!! ^^
thanks for Cyn ! good luck on her studies ! and Cap also !!! ^^
then haha wonder what Ade does now... heehee... always going out huh?
i m guessing with whom... hahahaha...
and then, saw Stephen on line but he was away... hummm left him messages =P
i saw Benny on line also, but i didnt bother him.
and i wanna thanks LeeWai and Nelson !
i got LeeWai's call when i was working. but i didnt call back after hang... sigh... i was busy...
i got Nelson's call also... chatting with him for awhile, but at that moment i was alone..
aiya... i wanna call LeWai tomorrow lunch time =P
and how about Stephen ? hee... i want him calling me first heehee...

>>September 7, 2006 at 4:09:40 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 5 日 星期二 【晴】

i am at the office now...
12 18 noon.

i came back around 10 15am.
made my breakfast today, toast with jam and apple juice. fresh and nice.
i put on make up today, coz i would meet up my school buddies this afternoon and
my best frined tonight. Then i will have the job interview tonight at 9pm.

hummmm...
i just finished sorts of my job.. then i m taking a break, going down the bakery to get some fruit tarts
for lunch. just need to wait till the print out come. yup, the notes.
i got so many coppies to do just now. coz i'm gonna make my own profolio. perhaps didnt spell wrong.
that's all about the hard copy of the files, which is totally done by me.
hummmm yea... i take them all copy, and my resume got updated also. great.
but i'm thinking of something... like... if i should just change my job.
Edgar is not my close friend, but he's still my friend or groupmate.
even though there're some points i dont really agree with him. in his firm, i m doing so fine.
i got promotion in 3 months, i dont have any problems with my job. so, what's the motivation?
coz i woked for him for 4 months already? or coz i just have too much freedom?
my pay is not high, but now i got promotion, it should be fine.
the working place is not as HKI that far, it's in Prince Edward only.
yup, the pay is always delay... and somehow i sense that he's lying to me sometimes.
that's the business world. it happens everywhere...
somehow i would think coz he's my frined, i couldnt... accept my friends being faked with me.
i'm so confused now..
i know very well that i'm not angry at him.
i know very well that he's right for everything he does, but i couldnt agree with his things.
the thing is... i still wanna work with him at school. i still want this friend.
the thing is... if the new place employ me, then i will only work for her for another few months.
coz this time is a real full time job. which means i have no freedom at all, and my school should be
started around Nov or Dec. so... the thing is... i shouldnt change my job, if it depends on my time planing.
i ve considered about lying to Edgar, like,... i'm going to take a big projet, so i couldnt come back office
for 3 months. but i will be back after 3 months.
(coz basically, i would want to work part-time after school started again).
i dont know, i'm so confused... coz i shouldnt and dont wanna lie to him.

hummmm i think i will go down buying my lunch first..
then later, i will do some more tuition fee stuffs, then updating data, and note coppy, then i will leave.

by the way..
i dont know if Benny read that e-mial yet. i still think of him.
i've talk with Cyn on phone yesterday.. and sometimes we do chat on line haha..
and actually only Cyn, Ade, and Shan know that i was about to e-mial him.
i didnt mention much , too.
so... Cyn asked me like, if i believe that he would reply.
i really dont know. and i just let go. i wish to be his friend. no matter what i've tried my really best already..
if he's really angry at me, i gotta know the reason why. if he doesnt tell, so what else i can do?
even if i wanna trust him 's that damn busy, where got the power from him to pusrude myself?
i tell myself that i just let go. and i should let go. i'm doing the right thing.
very obvious that, he's not in love with me since so long ago.
sad huh? laugh at me if you want, i dont care. i love him so i tried so hard. he doesnt like, we didnt work out,
it's not only my fault. what the thing i did wrong is.. i didnt handel well the problems we have.
i let so many bad things happened. i hurted both of us. there're so many chances, we just didnt work out.
who's wrong? i ask who's wrong ? there's no one wrong at all. and now, i dont wanna care.
coz there's no rooms for me, and i just let go and i'm moving on.
i'm doing so fine now. who need the pity? not me.

by the way, thanks all my friends ;)
you guys know the best.
it makes me think of.. the days i was crying all the time, all the day, crying so loud
or... just... like... i'm out of soul.
those days are gone. and i saw you guys were always with me. i was so loved by you guys.
oh my god...
i'm damn lucky... heehee..

anyway...
carry on... and wish me luck that i'm walking towards the right place.
thanks God so much...

miss him still, but not that kind of thing already..
miss you guys, coz you guys are just... damn important to me ^^
(opps... only for whoever you're reading this)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gemini
May 20 - June 20
This is a good day for meditation or for spiritual studies of some kind, dear Gemini.
Your intuition should be operating at a very high level and thus it is going to be easier for
you to tune into the thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires of others, particularly your significant
other. You might even experience psychic insights or visions that shed light on some questions
you've been asking yourself for a while. Write down your thoughts. You'll want to remember them.

>>September 6, 2006 at 5:07:40 AM GMT+8