2006 年 11 月 13 日 星期一 【晴】

i slept late last night, coz of the coffee...
then i couldnt wake up today but i still do..
but then also tried to come on line before leaving home..
but i didnt see Stephen. i came coz i wanted seeing him.

anyway, worked.. and i finally tried to turn on th radio.. it was very very very boring..
so i ve been working and listening to the radio.
then... i went home for lunch.
i was very tired... then... yea.. back to the office..
started the working day with Ella. assiting the class, then did some shopping for office..
then had been working ... and i was hungry..
then after work.. meeting up Queenie. she wanted the dinner with me. killing time.
we had sushi... it was ok.. then i left earlier coz it was late...
well...... i understand that.... when the couple in love, talking on phone should be great...
but for me now, i feel a great loneliness in a sudden.

i decided to go back Van in Feb or March just after Chinese New Year.
Queenie wished me luck..
Ella asked me what i would do there.. i dont know.. i just feel like to go back.
i dont know... it takes time to see and plan.
i've decided to work till my break time abck to Van, and after back i will enroll to school again,
unless there's no courses offered still. i would be really angry !!!! now i'm pretty angry also actually.

>>November 14, 2006 at 3:31:36 PM GMT+8

2006 年 11 月 12 日 星期日 【晴】

hello.

today, i woke up so late... i was just too sleepy..
ten i got a cup of coffee from McCafe... then walked back to office..

it was quite busy today.
setting up new system, updating data...
talking iwth Stephen on line... then mom and aunt came..
we had late lunch outside, then i came back to work.

it was quite busy... then, Alex came. oh my god.. he's naughty again...
but then we were fine. he's naughty coz he's tired... when he's tired, he doesnt focus and be naughty.
but when he knows he makes me sad or angry, he would be nice a little bit.
we did crafts, we did homework and revision, some sentences also.. i brought him some Smarties...
hee... and his mom bought me some jelly hahaha ^^ i was so happy.
yea.. then i kept work on my work, then i left..
i went to my aunt's home for awhile, to read my cousin's book.
yea, yesterday i found a good book at the bookstore right?
now, i think i really gonna get one. coz it could help lots. it's probably the best book i've seen.

mom and i ve talk about my small private business. i'll have a new student, privately.
he's my cousin, Ricky, 10 y.o. i will have calss on every Sun noon. the class is cheap but nice.
when someone really need help, would you give a hand eventhough for a small or no profits?
i do. coz i know some little help can burn up a heart, brighten up days. make ppl smile, isnt it nice?
no harm for me, but ppl would be happy =)
so, basically, i will work everyday from Mon to Sun, HAHA... unbelivable !
CAS works 7 days/ week ??? that lazy pig works that hard??? hahaha YES! YAY Cas~~
here we go.. haha..

i l-o-ve~~ my flexibility and i doooo~~~ wanna make it happen in my work.
it's not that i dont wanna rest, but i should take more experience and earn some more money.
i need to make money. i want more and more money.

and then i wanna go back to Van in Feb or March.
i really decide to go back maybe for a month. not very soon, but spring time just after this winter.

i havent told my parents yet.... i dont expect they would know soon.
and then... yea, i wanna go back to Van. hummmmm i have decided already.

thanks for the calls from aunt Priscilla, and thanks mom...
mom knows i'm bored in office, she knows i'm lonely.. so she tries to spend time with me..
thanks my lovely mom =)
so, everytime having lunch with mom is on my bill. we dont eat expensive food but yea, my treats.
mom and dad raise me up.. how much love there is..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i have a nice song from my sister Leggy today.
Backstreet Boy- "How did i fall in love with you"
the song is... very peaceful and nice to give your be loved one.

Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like
Sister and Brother
We understood, we'd never be,
Alone

Those days are gone, and I want you so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way
Don't want to be
Alone tonight

Chorus:
What can I do, to make you mine?
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

Ohhh, yeah, uh

I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that, I resemble

I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends
Don't want to be,
Alone tonight

Chorus:
What can I do, to make you mine?
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

Bridge:
Oh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know, oh yeah

I don't want to live this life
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my life

Chorus:
What can I do, to make you mine?
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

What can I do, to make you mine?
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew

How did I fall, in love, with you?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Queenie, KB, Shan and Choi went to Disney land HK today.
they asked me to go with them, but i refused..
there're two pair couples,.... how could i be there... i cant hurt myself in that situation right?
when they feel like to kiss to hug to take the intimate pictures, then i would be only watching
or helping... i cant...

Queenie talk with me just now. she said feeling nothing special but they do have fun.
isnt that called happy? if you go there with ppl you love, such as lovers or family..
tha should be feeling great or happy...
i said i wanna be there, next time...
when someday i will be proud of someone, we will go together.
coz he would let me be the princess there.
if Shan still remember, i've told her one thing very very important...
one thing would make me touched, make me cry.. it's the wonderful thing i'm searching for.
it's like lots of girls do.. something meaningful, representing the true love and joy, the blissful days.
that thing is a real thing. who will bring this thing to me whithout any hints?
i'm waiting.. this person might not appear in the end... but i wonder if there's someone understand.

>>November 13, 2006 at 4:53:23 PM GMT+8

2006 年 11 月 12 日 星期日 【晴】

i dont know what i wanna write about.

i wuld just... write something happened and... bascially what i keep my brain thinking of things then.

today, hummmm... is a resting day, and i took a walk, and went to a bookstore.
searching for a good book for my teaching. i found one quite nice, but i'm thinking of it.

i didnt go anywhere special, staying at my home area. then my family ate out tonight.
i watched movie at home with my family today, nice.
tomorrow i need to get back to work. ahhhhh..... a new week starts...
i wanna cut my hair or just change the style. i wanna give it some color or make it straight.
but i also dont wanna waste money. haha..
the coming Fri night, i'm RESERVED. hahaha. no.. i mean i got a plan already.
Ella wants to go out with me, of course also with her husband. she wants to go clubbing,
she will ask her firneds to come also. well, i dont know... sure we can go together.
then, on Sat, work again.. after work might see my aunt Priscilla. i'm not sure yet.
Sun, might go ice skating with Ella, i m not sure yet..
i'm so tired of working everyday for 9.5 hrs, boring sitting and waiting for something happen.
no, i do have work to do or i would just read or prepare for my class... but... i hate the long working
hour...
i wanna rest more. just sitting and watching tv, orjust take a walk, go to book store and coffee shop..
blah blah.. go to the park, sitting and watching ppl... enjoying the sun... then do some exercise..
ice skating, or walking around. even going to school is better. my brain would be challenged,
i would have new knowledge. i would work on my different skills. how i miss my school life.
everyday sitting and learning, then after school could hang around or going home resting..
or take a part time job, studying and doing paper, doing project and research paper.. but now..
it's so boring. being with the kids is fun... teaching is fun... working with Ella is nice..
but, the working hr is too long. 9.5 hrs.... it's so tiring eventhough no much work to do.

my relationship...
today... i came on line and stayed on line. coz... i was waiting for Stephen.
i wanna talk with him and spend time with him. but... someone from his acc showed up and said
something to me. then another person from his acc came clearify things. but it's all on the offline
status. i couldnt tell what was happening. i was away. then afer a few hrs, i got Stephen's
e-mail.

last night mom asked me if Stephen would come to HK visit me in Jan. she asked the same thing few
days ago. i said he's busy in Jan. i told mom Stephen asked me if i would go to Jap to meet him.
mom said... what to do in Jap, of course not. i think she means he should come instead.
i would talk with her later again. since my friends know i might go to Jap seeing him, in every chats,
friends would ask if 'm going over Japan. my friends concern lots. coz Jap isnt the place i can survive
without any help. i dont know anything about there. and it could be very dangerous for myself meeting
a guy in somewhere i dont know right. and they all think the guy should take the first move.
so my friends dont want me to go. my sister asked me to buy something for her there if i go.
i feel stress..

and then, it's like... i have some wrong feelings about japanese. i know the stereotypes is buliding in
my mind. about the Jap girls. i dont mean they're all bad. i have some good Jap friends also..
ijust dont like them and that's really really really bad to me. coz i'm not supposed to be that.
i shouldnt judge on ppl so easily, especially i wanna be professional regarding to my studies.
dont worry, cas, i know you'll be fine.

i really want Stephen coming in stead... i dont need to face too much problems and decisions at the
same time.
the school would send me a letter later as the evidential doc for SFFA of the gov.
i need that a.s.a.p. to apply my deferring payment. i hate that proceedures.. sigh..
then i need to decide on... work or study. if i want the degree, i should plan to work for another
company or do something i wanna try, for after Dec or Jan, if i STILL CANT GET BACK TO SCHOOL.
if i want my dream job, i should go for it and quit the school. what if they dont take me? go back to
wait for the school and take another job. is it better ?
then,....... i wanna meet Stephen, but not in Japan please.
but he wont be in Van in Jan. i dont wanna dissapoint him, i'm thinking of what i should do.

>>November 12, 2006 at 5:07:05 PM GMT+8

2006 年 11 月 10 日 星期五 【晴】



well, last night, after work, i went to Central to meet Shan.
i waited for 30 mins. i know i used to be late, haha so this time i waited for her and i didnt complain.
we went to Lan Kwai fong. stayed there for 2 hrs++
we had drink and dancing. it was so fun, but after back home.. i was very tired but cant sleep.
i have something on my mind.
you know... after the fun time, the bigger loneliness come, and the old problems remained.
well i feel nice that i could have fun with my best friend! havent seen her for months.
and then yea can relax abit.... the dance was so high. anyway we left before 12, like Cinderella huh?
haha not exactly. hummm i miss Stephen...

then today was working at office..
had lunch with Ella... then worked, went on line, then cookies time,
Stephen and i talk today... he asked me if i am not going to jap, am i.
then.. i really dont know..
i would talk with mom tonight.
and yea, he knows i always go out. and i really notice that too. i'm not going out tomorrow.
i think i need time for myself also..
he's sweet...

i'm thinking, keep thinking of it.
i would like to see him, but i would only stay for 5 days and blah blah that's kindda insulting.
hummmmm i dont know... i would talk with mom tonight...

or i should meet him later? i dont know.. i'm sure i will go back to Vancouver next year..
i think all the ppl would say i shouldnt go in jan.
i'm so silly or crazy.. but... if i dont go, i would never know.
i'm so confused...

work, what kind of work... studies, if i should quit... love life, if i should go and when and where..
all the things would be happening in this month till Jan. making all the tough decisions now,
i'm gonna be crazy.... so stressful and... critical period of time.

why cant he... just come over instead.. if he really loves me, why he has to put me in this situation...

>>November 11, 2006 at 4:20:16 PM GMT+8

2006 年 11 月 8 日 星期三 【晴】

hello.

today, same... work up late, worked, then back home earlier.
then, being late back to office. then had been doing work stuffs and waiting for Fiona.
anyway, i had been reading lots of materials... for the class...
i had also talked with the gov and my school...
then, Fiona came. gosh... she's lazy. okay... i gave more class assignment now. at the mean while,
try to get her more active in english not only chatting and joking.

alright, after the class done. i chated wth Ella. we had cookies together.
then she left. after an hr, i left also.

just now, aunt called me, tlaking with me about the marriage problems.
well, i'm affraid. i dont have a stable boyfrined now. i cant even say the status about me and Stephen.
i'm affraid that i wont get my good husband. okay... and then... i just wish her happy, that's it.
picturing after 10 years, what i will be doing? i see my life happy. but i m not sure who will be sitting
with me in my house. that might be Stephen or not. i think when someone fall in love, they should be
totally affected. Stephen seems not being so passionate as before. and i still remember what he said.
he told me that he's not my one, and he said i know that. i know when the guy says this kind of things,
they do mean it.
if that's the problem from our distance....
i wonder if i should keep paying efforts when i cant feel him doing the same things.
he might be doing that, nothing wrong with him, just i cant see. that could be my problems.
anyway, we had a small chat today when i was home on line doing some translation work.
i'm glad that he has exercise. i really wanna do my exercise also. i wanna go ice skating.

tomorrow night will meet Shan for a drink? maybe ?
then, Sat working as well.. wondering going for a drink. Ella asked me why not trying to do some
fishing on Fri night first. but i gotta work on Sat. then sun might go to the beach with Queenie,
or go somewhere else. Tung asked me to watch his basketball match. i m thinking about it.
then yea... i really wanana go ice skating actually.... =( no one goes with me... sad...



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Castor, your Sweet Spirit makes you amazing

Have a heart? You certainly do. Thoughtful and warm, you make other people feel at ease and
welcome whether you're hosting a party or just attending it.
You can't help it — you're a sweetheart who's a great friend to just about everyone.

Sincere and kindhearted, you look out for those you love and will often put the needs of others before
your own. It's no surprise friends and family look to you for advice and a shoulder to lean on. Helping
other people makes you happy. That's the best super power any hero could have!


Castor, your holiday look is Merry and Marvelous

You take the season pretty seriously — whether you enjoy making the outside of the house resemble
the North Pole, buying every single member of your family the gift they were most hoping for, or
donating your holiday gifts to those most fortunate. You know what the true spirit of the season's
about — and it comes out in your look.

You don't have to wear red and green every day to show your enthusiasm, but that sweet smile
on your face tells everyone that you are going to make the most of this time of year. 'Tis the season!


Castor, you're a Groovy 70's Party

Hey, cool cat. You never let a fashion trend pass you by, and you get a kick out of reviving old
favorites. So it's not surprising that a groovy 70's party, complete with bell bottoms, butterfly collars,
and disco balls is the perfect fit for a funky and fun person like you. You love to mix things up —
whether it's people, styles, or fruity drinks, and that's what makes you so interesting and fun. Far out!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Invisible"

Like a grain on the beach
Like a star in the sky
Far too many to count
With the naked eye
They don't see you
Go ahead walk on by
You don't know I'm alive
Maybe one day you'll find
You should open your eyes (your eyes)
You don't know me

You're the one who looked right through me
Now you're saying that you knew me
When I was invisible
And you're the one who walked right through me
Now you're saying that you knew me
When I was invisible

Little things adding up
Try so hard not to rush
Giving in, letting go
Of the world we know
They won't see you
Force it down, lose the taste
They all think it's a waste
We don't need to believe
Every word they say now (say now)
They don't know me

You're the one who looked right through me
Now you're saying that you knew me
When I was invisible
And you're the one who walked right through me
Now you're saying that you knew me
When I was invisible

It's so easy
To be lost
But maybe
You're not lost at all
Whoa Whoa
Do you recognize me?
Whoa Whoa
Do you know who I am?
Whoa Whoa
Do you see me now?
Do you see me now?

You're the one who looked right through me
Now you're saying that you knew me
When I was invisible
And you're the one who walked right through me
Now you're saying that you knew me
When I was whoa
Invisible
I'm invisible
I'm invisible

>>November 9, 2006 at 4:39:49 PM GMT+8

2006 年 11 月 7 日 星期二 【晴】

hihi~~

today was quite busy... sigh yo...
Ella left me a 4F papper size memo, which is the tasks to do list.
then i had been working on the design and rewriting for a letter or adv.
i spent my morning there... searching for information, and rewrite stuffs...
suddenly find that i'm slow. i mean i used to be able to do this kind of thigns quite fast. i'm slower now.
i need some more exercise on that then.

then i left office earlier, coz i need to talk to the adv. company again. shit, why there're still so many
mistakes. so annoying ! co everyime it takes so long time to print out thouse 7 samples.
and need to do lots of proof read. cant they just fix all the things first before sending us??

then i bought McDonald's to home. yea, i went to home. i feel much better even if ujst for a short
while. it's still better than staying in office alone for a whole day. i hate the feelings.
then... i left home a bit late, coz ... i dont wanna go back early or... coz Ella has a late class ard 5 pm.
but then i took taxi to the bank first. some banking work.
then back to office. kept working on some doc. then, i did my research on "writting".
i wonder what to teach Alex and Fiona. then Alex came. we had a nice class today.
we had done so many things in 1.5 hr we did homework, taught him new stuffs, revision, played,
making sentences.

Alex is smart, so if he really wants to learn with me, he could actually learn lots and lots.
Fiona is lazy. i need to find a way to let her learn better.
Alex and me become better now. bascially i just be nice to him. let him crazy and be crazy with him.
then i also let him do some crafts. coz he likes it. we do crafts with his text book. we make or draw
the charaters from his book. then, we also play together. then i taught him homework and reading...
then we make sentences today. i didnt want to make things so fast. coz it's foundation stage.
i wanna make sure he understand every parts of speech, not by the notes teaching, but through
his senses of it. if i write down everything and ask him to memorrize. he would hate writting.
now, we play and we create new ideas together, then i ask him to draw or write down the things.
it's easier for him. and then, i correct him while he was making sentences.
i kept doing revision with him about pronoun and noun. then the next step i would focus more on
the predicate: verb + object. i cant teach him the concrete sentence structure now.
coz he doesnt even understand what writting is, and he 's lack of vocaburary. i'm trying to make him
feel fun about learning english. so that one day without me or any help, he would seek for the
knowledge by himself gracefully. Alex is smart. and he has good memorry. i just need to find a way
to make him willing to learn then i could teach him more and more. and when he's getting older,
he would have the better concept than other same grade student. i want the english language
becomes his strong ability, he could use it natrually, not like many students trying so hard to get over it.
he wont be. he would be very fine, coz he's young and smart.

fiona is lazy. i can communicate with her very fine. we get along together well.
i always prepare lots of worksheet and topics with her, coz i know she would be bored so fast.
so, i have to cut information in small picese. give her one by one slowly.
somehow i m a bit worried. coz she's 8 already. she should have known lots of grammar.
she should have understood many rules. she just forgot everything. she's smart but lazy.
i wonder how to make her more passionate in english.
Ella said i should force her. but i think learning should be happy.
i also teach her sentence structure. i said i would give her a test tomorrow.
i know she wont really study for it. coz there's no scheme at all. unless she really think about the
things i've told her or he read a bit the worksheet i have given her. otherwise she wont understand
what i would be giving her. humm i havent written her the paper yet. i might just put some matching
for her. and simply ask her to make a few sentences. then i correct and talk with her.
i want her to have improvement faster. then i would know what she need.
i guess she need the hard work honestly. she was just spoiled. study might be a bit hard for her,
but she has the abilities. she's borned in our culture, with our genes. she should be bale to cope with
it. with me, this kind of irretating teacher, kind of tricky and funny, she should be fine ? hee..hope so..
we would see what i should do with her. i dont want to waste her time. my style is no strict rules.
we would only have good time, but i need to find the way with the students, so that students would learn better.

i had a chat with Stephen today. we was asking me if i think more about going to Jap seeing him.
i do think about that. and after my talk with the school and gov. i think i will ensure more on my
schedule in the coming months.
the next thing is the money and.. our status.
i dont know. i'm so crazy with him.

okay. Shan, one of my best frined will have the presentation tomorrow. goodluck!!!
and we can hang out on Fri night!!! =)
then Queenie, goodluck, too.
where's my Alesja????!!!!! i m gonna post a letter to her.. i miss her and worried for her..

and the good news is happening in HK today =)
YAY Her !!!! MRS. CHAN !!! all the hk ppl know what's that ;)

>>November 8, 2006 at 3:59:43 PM GMT+8

2006 年 11 月 6 日 星期一 【晴】

hihi..

i had a nice sleep last night... woke up late today..
then back to work. had been on line, then.... did some simple work,
then went out for some photo copies. i left earlier..
then, bought some sushi to home. i rushed back home, rest for awhile, had a sort lunch with mom..
then came on line for a short while, then rushed back to work.
gosh, i was late...

then... had been reading, doing some work.. then... went out picking up the coppies, and did
some shopping for Ella. then... yea... helping her in class, did some washing..
yea.. then i'm off...

walked back home, watching Sin City again.. havent finished yet..

you know...
today, that guy just freaked me out again.
he suddenly showed up, then asked me if i would be free tonight. i said.. no i would ahve a plan.
then tomorrow? nope.. it's not so good. i dont know you. he said like this is the only way to get to
know me. well, i was thinking that "BUT YOU FREAK ME OUT!"
i dont think i'm desperated like that...
i said i really appreciate that, but i really dont know you. we better dont go out together.
you know... Ella knew it, she was in room. then she laughed like... "wow... you're lucky!"
hahah shit! so evil smile ! iwas scared. =P

anyway...
i talk with Stephen today.
hummm... i could meet him in Jap... i m thinking about it.
we also talk about the new friend i made. he was worried for me.
seems like... i mean it makes me feel like every guy approaches me with a bad purpose.
or let say i 'm so naive and i already cant regonize who is a real friend who is not.
i'm so confused about that.

the book i'm reading now.. it talks about break up and on line romance.
i've been thinking while i was reading. hummmm....
i start to wonder the status between Stephen and me. are we just frineds now?
or we're back together now? i dont know.
somehow, i start to enjoy my single life again.
i dont have to wait for ppl coming on line. i could date anyone i want. i could hang out for no doubts
i dont have to call him or sms him. i dont need to do anything for him unless i really want to.
i have my freedom, and i just need to be responsible for myself not anyone.
the habits of mine got changing also. i used to have my lonely lunch time coz i wanna spend time
on line chatting with him. but now, i just meet my parents or just rush to home.
coz i dont want the lonely time. i need the love, the care.
and i wanna say.. my world is not runing ard him. i could have my own life also.
i still miss him, but... at the same time, i cant tell what's going on between us.
if i really wanna see him, i should make a trip.
somehow i hesitate lots. shouldnt that guy make the first move?
this time even if i can go seeing him, we wont spend time with each others for long.
that might be good or bad.

anyway,
i have to appreciate the break up, coz that would make me feel better.
i have to change a bit about my habbits, coz it would lead me to the better life and feel more comfortable.
i have to avoid the sad feelings, but at the same time, face it.
the best way for me to get over sad feelings is to face it, cry for it, scream for it. then ...

who is the right guy anyway?
how do we define it?
i dont know. time would tell me.
May God bless all the ppl.

i wanna have the ice skating soon =(

>>November 7, 2006 at 4:29:56 PM GMT+8

2006 年 11 月 6 日 星期一 【晴】

hihi..

i woke up late today..
and i start my saving plan today.
so, i could only spend $40/ day. hummmmzzz.... hee....
today is sucessful! coz, i only spent20 ++ on transits.

bad, i got the car accident today.
what happened? i was asking myself to calm down.
coz it's not the first accident i got. i got 3 times in Van...
that stupid taxi driver suddenly stoped coz of the damn car stopped, which was in front of us.
that car was carrying lots of good. he shouldnt do that.
anyway, i didnt fasten the seat belt. so my head and body hit the front seat.
i was lucky, coz i didnt wear it. otherwise it would hurt my neck again. cant hurt it anymore.
i was lucky i didnt sit at the middle. coz otherwise i would be hitting the glass in stead.
the taxi driver knew the car was wrong, he should chase so near to its back. the trafic was fine.
i dont understand why the driver would hit the car. even though the car was wrong, the driver could
be able not to hit that car. the driver stopeed twice. i dont know if it's better or worse.
the first hit of mine, i felt hurt, and i was scared. then sec time just came right the first time.
then... they were arguing for awhile... yea.. i didnt record the taxi number... i should but didnt.
i think i'm just fine, so.. yea.. i'm lucky =)

then, at work, i had been bored.... very bored... then chated on line, did some tests..
then... hee.. planed to have lunch with mom. Ella suddenly called and came back.
i worked on the poster stuffs... it pissed me off! so slow internet! cant even download 3 pics at time.
anyway... i had late lunch with my parents. we had chinese food. it was nice.
hahaha my dad didnt wanna let mek now he bought a lap top. but then mom had already told me.
just asked me pretending innocent. and i do. today, dad use a big bag to pack it to office.
if he didnt mean to hide from me, he didnt need to use that bag hahaha...

okay... mom was back to office with me...
we chated.... coz it was pretty boring..
then... she left... and after awhile. Alex, my student came.
he's sooooooooooo cute !!!! ha... he's not naugthy today. i dontk now why.
then we did some homework, some reading, then spelling, and we did crafts together.
i brought him to supermarket to buy some stuffs, then we made his "Eric" haha..
then, yea, we worked on a worksheet about noun and pronoun.
he's smart.
alright... lovely.
and then i got chasing a few calls.. probably in the coming days we would have some new students.
that's marketing. if i'm aggressive enough, i could do a pretty great job. otherwise... just fine.

ok... back home... resting... watching Sin City... that movie is bad..... bad bad bad.
it's so faked...

then i took a shower, i'm so tired... a relaxing shower, and that..., would help me lots..
the polushing gel of VeraWangPrincess is great. i got a tester.
well.. the prefume is really nice =) i really love it.. hee.
then had dinner, watching tv with family..
then uploading some pics..
i got a new album actually. all my pics from the Aug, including my Van trip, would be there.
it's nice.

today, i talk with Stephen.
i dont know...
anyway, congraudations to him !! i'm glad for him about his business.

i need to sleep now.. so tired..
i want mroe rest... sigh...

>>November 6, 2006 at 4:54:22 PM GMT+8

2006 年 11 月 5 日 星期日 【晴】

hihi.. Castor... you're here again.

today morning, i woke up very early, then i went out have breakfast, some dumplings.
then, met up Queenie. we went to Stanley Market today.
you guess who i saw? haha.. so many ppl... and then i saw Rami's family !
i didnt expect i would see him today. nice family day for him.
Queenie and i hang ard, took some pictures.. i bought a necklace, ard $130, had ice-cream...
then had ice tea, some snack.. blah blah... watching ppl dance.. today is the World Aid's Day Fun Fair.
i did donation yesterday.
i didnt do any "hunting". ha... silly Queenie...

then we took bus back to Causeway Bay. we hang around there..
i bought the lip gloss from M.A.C. hummmm yea... i love this color.
like champine, like red or purple color.. pretty nice..
then.. we walked around... then, i saw ... HAHAHA.... VERA WANG PRINCESS !!!!
OH MY GOD!!! that prefume i had been searching for so long !!!
i saw that in The Bay in Van... gosh... i finally get it now!!!!
i was so glad and excited !!! but i still want the... Rapha Laren. perhaps didnt spell wrong..
yea, i still want that HOT Purple color one. damn cool.
anyway,... i guess i really spent too much on this kind of things already..
it's like... appro. $1500 HKD already.... hee.

then... it's like i spent too much money on shopping... then yea...
we had some snack and sushi tonight.
then we went to Lang Kwai Fong. we had cocktail there... it was pretty nice.
the band sound is nice. but so many black ppl there.
we stayed for an hr, then we left.
well, should i show up more at Lang Kwai Fong? actually it's not that expensive.
it's cheaper than at After 5 in Tai Po.
anyway.. i feel very lonely. i need some mroe friends and fun.

i sms Cap, Cyn and Ade today.
Cyn was chatting with me on via sms today. hummm she asked if i miss Stephen.
of course...
i really reallly miss him lots..
i'm trying to get him out of my mind. i do everything to make myself busy.
cant ppl feel that or see that?

i cant take it..
he gives up, this is what he want. i should let him go.
i tell you what... i really want to go back to Van...
Cas, you really know that.. you do want to go back..
somehow, i would think if the guy really loves me, and he should understand my situation.
it's like i'm a girl, who is only 20. i'm a student, my salary is not high. i'm on s. loan.
why isnt him thinking for me, but i have to think for myself in this situation.

last night was the last episode of Sex and The City.
the ending was great. Carrie found her carrie-necklace.
she has a fight with her French-boyfrined. at the same moment, someone flight over to Paris
to look for her. who's that? her big guy, her past boyfriend.
that guy once asked her best friends to forgive him. he apologize that he was a jerk.
after break up, he had been moving on, but he couldnt get over her. he found she's the one.
he asked her frineds, if Carrie doing fine now. he really wanted to fly to Paris to try his best to look
for her. but if Carrie is doing fine, he wouldnt bother her anymore. her friends say, PLEASE GO.
Carrie given up her writting job, her best frineds, her home town NYC to go over Paris with his
French Art-guy. then whne she got there... she has the beautiful expensive suit, the fab fashion,
money, car, food, everything, but... not the love she wants. she cant speak French cant communicate.
when she's sad, there's only herself. she belongs to NYC. she's lonely. she thought that her efforts
re the love, but, at the end, she suddenly woke up. she need her own life. she wants something
different. he isnt her true love. it was the time for her to be clear to herself and him.
she's just a simple woman who's looking for the true love,
for her it's like spending time with each others. she found that he was not someone she wants.
at this moment, that big guy came. he really found her.
in the end, Carrie said... she has been firguring out ppl's relationship everyday.
seems like ppl dont know how to love. but once the person met his/ her true love, the person
would just know how to love.

i think... if the person really love me, he would understand me and do whatever to make me happy.
when i can be that for my love, why my love cant return to me ?
i just might not be the one.

>>November 5, 2006 at 5:20:06 PM GMT+8

2006 年 11 月 3 日 星期五 【晴】

"None of us can estimate what we do when we do it from instinct."

Luigi Pirandello
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today, i worked from 11 till 7 sth pm.
well i was reading alot. i almost finished my book.
during my reading time, i think of Stephen.
it's a book about realtionship. it suggests that all of us deserve the good love.
well... i dont know... i feel nice to read the book, coz i discover some interesting information.
yea, i think according to the rules, i'm a bad lover, coz i always give in too much.
and then, long distance relationship isnt that great at all.
coz we 're lack of the physical contact. webcam could help lots, but.....
cant feel the real situation, could only picture it in mind. well, since the ppl re apart,
that's called the bad love already, according to the most situation.
true love must be the good love. good love is not necessary to be the true love.

the book say.... if you're happy for the relationship, just stay there, you shouldnt worry for someting
not gonna happen yet. how about if the person suffers lots already? then should definitely think
twice. i dont know...
now it's like, i'm still in love with him. but for him, i'm the bad love, which make him sad.
if he couldnt get through the stage, then we shouldnt continoue. and we cant carry on.
we broke up already. i think, for his sake, i should let go and move on.
it's always hard to do that when the person is still in love.

one point to make me stay is... the feels is so amazing about... i could accept everything of him.
i feel good about the way he is. honestly, i dont understand why. i just like his totally trust and honesty.

okay, that's enough...
i think he has made his decision.
but i really dont understand why it's always seem wrong to love someone apart.
if you really have feelings for someone, you cant even turn to other ppl, and why it brings hurt?
coz you cant touch the person. but she or he is in yor mind. no one can replace her or him.
it's so crazy.... i have no clues why i'm in love with him.
castor wake up, you break off already.

yea, i live my life. i caryy on, i move on, i enjoy my single days..
sometimes i find lonely, sometimes i feel sad... coz i've hurted the person i love..
coz i bring him confusion, i bring him sadness, i make him suffering with me.
i could sleep, can eat, can work, can read, can hang out, can laugh out loud..
how about him? i still care. tears down and i tell myself to be strong.
i wonder someday we would actually meet, but would he still care about me?

one year ago, i met Ade. i asked myself the same question. we would be metting up again,
i already expected she would be as loving as before. she's like my another type of angel.
but when we met this time in Aug. i could tell how disappointed i felt. we really had hard time.
even if we're still close now, it wasnt easy for us. coz i'm no longer same as her special one.
i had to adjust. and now, we're fine, still being the special friends. i guess in her mind,
she would never understand how big changes i felt. i couldnt tell her also.
but that's the way we're. when someone special became good frined, there's always hard time.

well, my new frined came 4 times today.
in the morning i still recievet his e-mail. nice, thanks man....
then, Ella also saw him. ok..
i had lunch with Ella today. we did some chating.. then...
after work, i did some shopping, i bought two nail colors, then... hang out with Queenie.
we had Taiwanese drinks at that Taiwanese Tea House, somewhere like bubble tea house.
then i ate some snack... and we walked around and drink at the Mc Cafe.
it was very relaxing and fun... we talk rubbish, we talk about guys, works...
we were there till ard 11 30.. we really bull shit lots.. so many jokes.
we plan to go out tomorrow. we would go Stanly Market. super nice place !
well, then we might meet aunt Prscilla together at afternoon.

yea...
i'm waiting for my "Sex and the City" now..
tonight is so late...

yes, i still think of Stephen.
i wonder if i would go to Jap in Jan.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Justin: Kong
我　我沒有害過人
只想失戀也有名份
我　太樂意獻一吻
為甚麼這溫柔會犯禁

若你我可抱著睡　連命也甘心短幾歲
誰能及我　將性命也豁出去
若與你好有罪　全是律例不對
我要追　離棄世界亦要追

寧願天去收我　也替你受重傷
金剛跟美女戀上　也是個傳奇狂想
縱是遺憾收場　都必需跟你
明刀明槍　子彈不怕上
一級級上塔尖欣賞　欣賞你憂傷

就算你早有別人　無礙我爭取夢中人
扶搖直上　高到共你能擁吻
別說到太高深　能自願便相襯
夠決心　越中箭我越勇敢

不屑　不信　不怕　打擊更令我堅強
這縱是妄想　能得到你給舉世景仰
我有我夢與想　多高攀也敢攀上
這份愛傳奇無雙

縱是遺憾收場　都必需跟你
明刀明槍　子彈不怕上
一級級上塔尖欣賞
苦命人　相擁俯看　世上風霜
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>>November 4, 2006 at 4:58:14 PM GMT+8