2006 年 11 月 2 日 星期四 【晴】

hihi..

i woke up quite late today.. ard 9 15 am..
then have been at office, reading my book, nothing to do...
then, my friend came again. oh my god.. i m a bit scared..
he could be a good friend, could be my teacher, my professor.. but....

then i left office earlier, coz i went out did some job and went home.
i bought some sushi, and then went to Esprit to search for something, then did some photo copies,
then banking and went home by taxi.. after awhile i rush back to office by taxi.
humm at home, i rested, had sushi and... came on line for awhile.

i read that frined's e-mail. gosh... i think he's kinds of serious.
he's trying to get me interested in him now.
he wants me to call him, wants to go out with me.
well our communication is good.. but i wonder what i want now.
Thanks Queenie. and dont worry, i'm not gonna open up a new realtionship now.

last night, Stephen and i talk.
he confessed to me.

i'm not over him yet.
i think of him. i picture our future.
i dont wanna keep repeating to myself that he wont wait. but the fact is i should do that.


i'm very tired...
i worked on the leaflet today.... 4 hrs for 300 leaflets.

then i left.
from tomorrow, i have to work on Sat also.
i would only have sunday off.
i could have another $800/ month. it's not that cool but at least increase a bit.

i'm so tired..
i got my friend's e-mail again... two e-mails in one day.. i read it... i'm sick..
he analyzed on... something.. he's really intellgent. gosh, i cant deny that his psychology knowledge
is much wider than mine. someday i would be very tired of it.
i'm scared, coz he seems knowing everything. i dont like to be controled.
he seems have the ability to lead my thinking or control my "lousy life style".
it's kindda dangerous. coz i love to be myself. i dont wanna make any big changes now.
i like my life, i enjoy my life. i dont mind for a little bit changes, but not too much.
i dont deny on what he says everyday. but i do think about what he says, and i dont wanna
spend too much time with him everyday. is he trying to wash my brain?

it's like he flirted with me. he implyed something everyday. i read his language and actions well.

well, sometimes i m strong, sometimes i'm weak.

as what i said last night, "ppl only see what they want to". maybe sometimes i'm one of them.
if you wish something to happen, you have to pay efforts and wait.
if you always think it's not gonna happen even if you do want it happpen, it wont happen.
you have to clearify what you really want. you make the choice and stay for it.
you believe it wont happen, so your eyes already started looking for the support of that.
in your eyes, you could only see those. you ignore what's really inside your heart.
if you really decide on it, then stay there. no one could judge on you except yourself.
no matter what decision you make, you know you must be confident of it, be proud of it.
stand for that..

i used to feel so meaningful so beautiful everyday coz of Stephen.
if he's not gonna make me feel like that, then where's the point of my affection toward him?
when the passion is gone, seems like no longer easy to continoue.
but i think the real love is more than that. it could keep the fire burns.
anyway, everyone have the different thinking. i dont wanna be selfish.
dont want him finds hurt with me.


i'm very tired.. i think i need more sleep...
i.... still miss him...

>>November 3, 2006 at 3:54:00 PM GMT+8

2006 年 11 月 1 日 星期三 【晴】

hi..

today i woke up late again.. but it's still nice for me to sleep for 8 hrs last night.

i woked today. dealing with some doc stuffs and some book remarks..
then my new friend came seeing me again. yes, the interesting man.
we started chating again, till my lunch time.
well, at the lunch time, i went home again. coz... i dont wanna go out by myself,
i dont wanna have my lonely lunch time.
i used to... have lunch at office with the food to go, so that i could be on line with my .. ex-dear.
then now i'm alone. i dont even wanna have a min at the office till the finish line of my lunch period.
or sometimes i just be late to the office on purpose.
confession of me now is i seldom go on line in the office now. i dont wanna go on line.
it probably coz i cant face or i dont wanna face the same situation as before.
maybe Stephen was right, i m a loser.

i bought some drinks and go banking, taking taxi back home, and rushing back to office by taxi.
at home, i ate my egg, i drink and i went on line for 10 mins or 15 mins..
i dontk now what to do, i just wanan go back to my comfort zone.
now i do see the hurt Stephen brough me. well, one month ago, i still didnt think i would be affected
that deeply coz i know i could be fine. it does now, but i'm still ok.
i couldnt deny that i was pretty serious with him. today i understand one ting that my flexibility isnt
anything to show my love to him. i could accept him totally coz i love him.
my flexibility is my personality. me and him is more about love than pure flexibility of mine.
I was always SERIOUS with him. just that now, we're nothing now.

after back to the office, i called Capella. she told me that's winter time in Van now.
then we chated on phone for an hr.
during the break up night ard 3 30 am, i sms her, Ade, cyn, Queenie, aunt Prscilla and Rami at the same time.
Cap called back imediately. Queenie replyied my sms in soon.
Cap called at that night, i lost my voice. i couldnt really speak to her. my noise was blocked.
my voice was weak. then.... yea.. i said i would call hr back and i called today.
well, i had been wondering to call her, but i was not ready to .... call her.
it's like... i need time to calm down myself, i dont wanna end up crying on the phone.

the next morning, i went to Ocean Park. i didnt talk much about th break up stufs with Queenie in the
morning or afternoon. i really startd to talk about that after the lunch and chat with Rami in the
afternoon. then.... 4 of us started talk about relationship things. then end up leaving OC,
i felt desperated. i cried on bus. i couldnt afford the emotion.
when we got to Sha tin for dinner, we talk more, i cried a few times. the tears kept runing ard my
eyes. i still could control myself but.. you know.. it's hard.

then, yea, i was doing pretty fine, the next day went out with my mom, then went home..
then Tue and Wed i worked.. and today i worked.. tomorrow working also.. blah blah..
i'm still okay.

strange that after break up, i got to know new guy frineds, then i got back contacts with my close
frineds from Van. it's nice. and i get closer with Ella.

i had dinner with Ella and her husband tonight. it was pretty nice. we had lots of fun.
we were tlaking about students, kids, relationship, work, studies, dreams... it was fun.

well, i did some reading at office today.
it talk about... i need to know what i want before i get into the new relationship.
i dont know much, i'm still experiencing now. i cant tell much.

well, i'm pretty tird... i need to get some more sleep...
just now i watched " Nip Tuck".
gosh... Christain is that sick ??? i dont think so.. it was nice anyway.
the man said...
"ppl only see what they want to."
when i really tink about it, i find something. i think it's true...
ppl only see what they want to.
if i want to or always think about the things happened in the way i thought,
i always find reaons to support myself. and that causes bais and un-trust.
do i think Christain is inocent? yea but i'm not too sure.
his 20 years best frineds didnt trust him. how sad that could be.
that's also why i dont like to judge on ppl. i'm just so small in the world.
how much i could understand or probably know ? i dont think i have the rights to judge on ppl.
i dont have the ability also.

ppl only see what they want to. ppl wanna see you healthy, look good.
it's just outside, it could be faked.
even if you have a new face, your inside is still the same. what takes out your soul?
nothing. you're still the same person. no matter how you change your appearence, you're still the
same person.

well, anyway, thanks for my new frined visiting me today.
and thanks for Capella haha.. and thanks for Ella and her husband.

Ella asked me if i take Stephen out of my list already.
i didnt know how to answer her, i just tell her i dont know.
she asked me if i still think of him. yes, i do. so, i still miss him, she said.
my friend told me, some guys would be quite ego that they know how to lead the realtionship well.
something like doing something to control the flow or process.
well, i dont denly on any of those.

by the way, Sheilla, my cousin called. i oculd get my jacket from Esprit for 50% off !!!
it would be like ard $450 after discount! yay Cas ! actually i was still waiting for some new collection.
heehee... but t's nice to get that jacket, i love that jacket.
then, i was planing to get some new make up stuffs, hummmm or scraft or hat.. i dont know..
i just wanna know the starting day of my damn school courses.
i would probably apply a job in Cathay soon after dealing with the SFFA of the Gov.


i need to work tomorrow.. i want the nice sleep tonight....
i do think of him, but what else i can do for that?
should i give a chance to my new friend ? he seems quite interested in me or attracted.
but hell, i'm not ready for any relationship now.

>>November 2, 2006 at 5:14:49 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 31 日 星期二 【晴】

hi.

i was late to wake up today.
i woke ard 9 15 am.

today morning, a man walked in office. he's the white guy, who used to say hi to us when he walked by.
today he walked in start talking with me. we chated for... more than 2 hrs on life and psychology.
man.. he has 3 bechlor degrees.
he's outgoing, he's interesting, he's mature, he's full of knowledge. he's funny....
well, he has my number and e-mail now... we might be good friends.
he even told me or implied that he might could be my boyfriend for awhile before i find another one.
well.. i didnt say anything, coz.. i dont wanna think about any guys now.
this guy seems able to understand me pretty fast.
yea i'm single, but i 'm not okay with new relationships. i wanna take a break.

i had the crazy class with Alex today. he almsot drives me crazy.
i felt exhaust. he was too naughty. i was very patient, but he made me so tired...
just 1.5 hr... i felt like dead. Sherree was there also.. it was like.. two monkeys..
they were at the same kindergathern. gosh... i love them coz they're sooooo cute...
but then.. really naughty. i talked with Anson and Sherree' maid, she was sad.
she told me that Anson and Sherre re really naughty. Anson is very rude. yea i know.
anyway.. tired... exhausted..

then... a man walked in.
he was at the door yesterday, i looked at him, but he didnt come in.
today, he really walked in, i regonize him... i looked at him.
he standed infront of me, he didnt say anything. i smiled and asked him what i can help him..
he was silent. he just looked at me. i was a bit... nervous then..
i repeated my question with smile... then, he said.. he wanted to be my friend.
i was wondering... WHAT? he scared me... he said he didnt mean to scare me..
but the point is.. i was scared.
he asked if we could have dinner together so that we could know better about each others.
he asked my phone number !!!!! oh my god.. i was scared....

Ella said.. i might be just naturally attractive to strange ppl....
i was laughing out loud. if that's the case, i wonder why is me ?

anyway, Stephen just broke up with me. i'm still sad... and i'm tired... i need to breath..
i start to wonder what i truely want in life..

tomorrow night, i would have dinner with Ella and her husband.

starting form this Sat, i might need to work on weekend also.
and my salary could be increased. i'm still thinking about it.

well...
i'm still feeling sad..
i still think of him but... yea.

>>November 1, 2006 at 3:42:16 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 31 日 星期二 【晴】

i'm still sad today.
no reasons at all.
just dont feel good.
i guess that's pretty normal.

Happy Halloween, opps it's late.

today i worked. i woke ard 9 am. a bit late.
then... had been working on schedule stuffs and kept talking on line.
not really had long conversation. just contacted back one good frined, Joey.
we lost contacts since i grad at the associate degree from USU.
then kept chating with aunt Prscilla on msn and phone.. and Queenie also..

then at lunch time... i cant stand the loneliness... i rather rushing to home and office in stead of
leting myself free for 1 hr lunch time.
i took taxi back to home and taxi back to office. i was home for 25 or 30 mins only..
i watched tv, eatting fruit... then rushing to go..

back to office, doing some record for accounting. then... started to be busy about the classes.
going out for awhile changing the stuffs for Ella. then my own class started.
Alex was a bit naughty, but still under control.
he was scared of Ella and her husband. hahaha i know why now.
coz last time ella scold him and asked him to apologize to me. and he's affriad of guy teacher.
he thought Ella's husband is a teacher also.
anyway, we had fun time. we did some drawing today. i think he loves drawing lots.
he's quite nice if i give him fun time.

after class, i was helping Ella's classes...
then... i seat in a class for my cousin Vicky.
then, i left and met up Queenie. we had drink at the Taiwanese Tea House, which i always go to.
in hk, not much choices on Taiwanese Tea House, not like in Van.. so...
i only go this one.
then.. we had been chilling out, like chating about work and guys.. then... yea...
sharing and eating ... resting or relaxing... then Ella and her husband came joint us.
it was nice. i love that.
then.. we started talking about me. like my feelings now, my relationship stuffs..
my break up and blah blah... it was nice..
and i guess queenie and i understand each others more now. it was pretty nice.
and then Ella's really like my good friend or sister now. oh i love her haha..

well, i'm still quite upset.. it's like...
i'm getting through some tough points now..
i'm still alright. i feel liek to cry sometimes, but i'm doing okay..

you know, sometimes... i just cant tell "what's going on", i could tell how i feel,
i can say what's happening or the fact through my eyes or ears..
but i cant tell the plan in the future. it's unpredictable.
the only thingi can do is to trust there's always a plan for me, and i m willing to go for it.
i keep searching my feelings, searching for the real self of mine, like firguring out something
about life. sometimes, i feel like ... i cant control anything... when it comes, i could only hold on to it,
but when it means to go... i could never try to stop it leaving me.
it's kindda negative but true. and coz of that, there's always something new comes into life.
everything is in its time.

well, i know Stephen 's good points, i know his short comings,... but i still love him..
i dont understand why i love him. we're over now, but i still miss him and love him.
and i dont hate him.
but i wonder he's that certain about the break up, he's not gonna regret for that.
then... he would be happier without me.... so... i guess i wont... turn back also.
i cant stand the loneliness of being left out. the realtionship takes two ppl' efforts.
i cant do it by myself. the coldness is my limit.
it's like the issue of "All or nothing". sonds like he choose the "nothing".
then i could only rspect his choice.

well, tonight, Queenie, Ella and i were also talking about my future.
both them support me going for another application at the airline company.
if i suceedd, i would probably quit my studies. so i guess.... i would be flying around places.
perhaps i could be working in this industry as well. so that i wont break my promise to anyone.
i could really travel to Korea or Singapore or German or Vancouver to visit all my friends.
wish me luck...

Thanks Queenie and Ella.... really.
i love my two lovely girls...
when i'm down, they're always with me. i know how wonderful good friends could be !!!
well.. i'm worried for Alesja.. coz i lost contact with her for 1 month already...
i know she was sick and down. i worried for her... May God Bless her.

May God Bless Stephen as well.
coz he's still the man i concern of. eventhough he hates me or dislike me or whatever he was just
playing me, i dont care, i just wish him well.
i believe him, he's not that bad.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

after servals long distance relationship,
sometimes i feel like, it's like the love between us is always competitating with the long distance.
always do comparision on me with the distance.
using every realistic questions to mearsure my love. and we finally suffer lots.
i wonder if my date really look up on me or look down on me.
after break up, there's hatrates or friendship ?
i was actually serious to the reaktionship.
but it's only like the game of comparision in your heart?
i think i'm just too kind. i 'm navie to believe that love could be pure and natural.
i dont believe the faking or pleasing my date would be nice to the relationship.
if the bleeding could show you the love, or that's the sincerity you want,
i wonder if you're cold blood.
we're puzzled and deagging on. i wish you could hear me saying this even if you might think that
i hate you.

tha's the song from Alex Fong, telling about the difficulties in realtionship.
it was supposed to be saying the three parties in a relationship.
but for me it's more sounds like the balance of distance and the love.

無雙譜 -- 歌手：方力申 Alex Fong.

而愛情　要用尺度　極懷疑全非真愛慕
if the love is with the mearsurement, i doubt that's not the real love.
而最後　讓你苦惱決定誰好
in the end, i make you suffering in making decision.

你想相戀的高估你
you want your date to look up on you, when you're in love,
還是失戀的憎恨你
or, another one to hate you after the break up?
難道愛情　需找兩個人優點去比
is that the love requiring the comparision?
每次給挑選都被拋棄
everyime i was out by the rules
其實我以心來挑選你
actually i was choosing you with my heart by hard.
卻像　競技賣藝遊戲
but it only sounds like the game with fun.

是我想我人好　每次都信勉強不到
i think i'm kind, everytime i trust that love is pure and natural.
亦信純真的愛慕　何用做戲地討好
i m also naive to believe the pure love, so it wont require any faked pleasing.
如愛情　需踏血路　是情人誠懇抑冷酷
if the love need to show i'm bleeding inside, is that the sincerity you called or the cold bluntness of you?
如我們　煩惱該去禮讓誰好
says us, being puzzle at the dragging.
就當憎你　我但願你聽到
i wish you could hear me even if you would think i hate you.

>>October 31, 2006 at 5:59:53 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 29 日 星期日 【晴】

this morning, i got up, then i went out with mom.
we went to visit my grandma's grave.
not only us.. i saw some aunts and uncles, some cousins and my grandpa.

after that, we had dim sum together..
then mom and me went to Sha Tin.
i walked around. coz i wanna check out sth....
hummm... we did some little shopping in the supermarket, then back home.

i was supposed to make soy sauce honey chicken wings tonight...
mom said we have honey at home, which is not true...

anyway...
it's nice to spend time with family.
it's nice to talk on phone with my aunt.
it's nice to know Aug is in a realtionship now. well, i should be happy for him.
but all in the sudden, the lonely me find some weird feelings.
i'm happy for him honestly, but just.. sounds like... suddenly.. it's just only me being alone.
i cant stop my sadness running out of my body through my eyes.
i'm definitely hoping Aug happy, to find a nice girlfrined. he has been chasing me for one year more,
but i cherrish him as a frined. the friendship is more than that.
everytime i have problems with Benny or others, i would talk to him.
even when i was in Van, i called him quite often. he understands me well,
he's a really great guy.. he could be the very great boyfrined also... but just...
because of the distance, i would definitely dont want to change our friendship.
well, here, i wish him all the best, truely.

yesterday, i was talking with Rami, i understand more and more about guys.
some guys would do many many things or tricks to... touture the girlfriend.
i'm okay with that. a girl told me, if i know how to play the game, i would always win.
i think it's true and.. real. it could be fun. but i'm not a play girl.
or i dont want to be that in order to find the best guy.
i dont need the best, i just want the right one.

now, i dont know how to describe my fears of the loneliness.
i think it relates to my young childhood. my parents worked everyday except Sunday.
i had many toys and a big home... but i also had 4 different families as the caregivers in 5 years.
i really feared of beling left. coz... the memorries of my childhood in their homes are bad.
it was always sad.

i always missed my mom and dad. i dont like to stay over the families' home.
when i was 5, mom resigned and be the housewife for my dad, me and my sister.
She paid almost all her attention to sister. i love my sister so much too.
i'd never be jealous of her. i love that little baby at home. i always wanna kiss her cheek or play with
her. then, we moved to another place.
mom took away most of my toys. those toys were my best friends. we moved to the new place.
i didnt like that place untill i really get used to it. i always missed our old place.
that was my 6 y.o., i was getting into the new school, a primary school.
i was doing fair in P.1 and i got worse every year till my high school stage.

i was so fine in high school, but in the last year, i screwed up all.
i guess more or less coz of the break up with Junming.
we're still good friends now. i'm happy for that also.
see the connection ? it's hard for me to deal with being left out.
it could be really tough for me.

hummm when i was... in P 3, my youngest sister was born. mom had no time for me anymore.
then... my childhood was over.
dad did love me. my parents love me.. i do desire my parents love..
i guess that's my attachment with my parents. and i become ... now..
i mean.. i cant really stand the loneliness. the real loneliness.
not just being alone, the loneliness i mean is the feelings of being left out.
i'm okay being alone. i love to be alone, coz i can have space. but the feelings of being leftout..
i cant stand that...

i've been resting these two days.. keep myself being with ppl.
dont wanna think about Stephen. when i think about him, i cry.

last night, my frineds and me were actually talking about realtionship stuffs.
about long distance realtionship.
i know i cant ask my friends to accept that as much as i do.
i know it's really hard to understand and accept. i dont expect they would.
and i think they've been trying hard for me already. it doesnt matter. it wont change our friendship.
my frneds want me to focus more about the ppl ard me.
what if i focus more, but the bigger dissapointment i would find ?
it 's just how that happened. i dont mean to search for my mr. right on line.
just that there no one attracted me. but some ppl poped up on the internet touched my heart.
well, as my frineds say... it sounds like i have some problems with my charateristics or personalities,
or my style ?
buit it's just me. and eventually, a frined said... he doesnt find problems on my personalities.
so... i guess... there was just not much chances for him to know me deeply, before he judged on me.
it doesnt matter. i was tearing up inside. my tears kept flowing in my eyes.

since everyone is telling me that i should get a guy in HK..
i start to wonder if that's the sign from God that my right guy is actually ard me or coming soon.

i do consider Stephen as the right one. i cant explain anything between us, but i do love him.
he is not a very very very good guy, but i dont really mind. i could accept every crazy things about us.
the big problem is... the distance bring us too much troubles and stress.
he left.

maybe Aug should thanks me that i'd never accepted him, whatever he might not really serious with
me, that he could find his love today. i wish him all the best.

i miss Stephen, but i know i shouldnt contact him anymore now...
i dont think he would want me anymore too.
and i should carry on my life, firgue out what i should do now and in the future.

Rami told me that, if i really love him, then i should go back to Van. Stephen just wanted me to be there.
i know i do wanan go back, but Stephen is right. i cant make sure how i'm gonna stay forever.
he wont want me anyway.

the school is delayed again.
i might not be able to get back to school in Jan.
i'm gonna apply a job in Cathay again. if i'm employed by them, i'm not gonna back to school.
i really wanna accomplish my studies, but i have already started my working life too.
it's like... i really wanna get back to school, but when i get back to school, it would be tough
for me to adjust.
i cant get as much income as i do now.
somehow i really wanna finish my degree programme.
but i could be back to school, that means i could get my own freedom back.
i dont need to work as much as now, i can be back to my "teenage".
i can wear mini skirt, jeans, college "uniform", just anything i like.
i can have classes, keep my brain working, i could have coffee in class, discussion..blah blah..
the note pad, the text book, then after school, hang around,
and prepare assignment or paper or exam.. it's the wonderful life...

but if i sucessfully get into the airline company... then i would really consider dropping off.
coz that's my dream job in life.
i should have another plan instead of keeping myself waiting for the courses.

i should take a break, let myself slow down in life..
so that i can see more ... and think about... life.... think about what i should do...
think about the problems of mine... i might find something i've been missing of.

now... plz...
tell me what to do when i think of him...

>>October 30, 2006 at 4:41:19 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 28 日 星期六 【晴】

hi.

today, Queenie, KB, Rami and i went to Ocean Park.
before, i had breakfast with Queenie at Tai Po Market Ststion.
then... yea...
we had fun today.
i've tried so many "my first times".
i love the Kid's world.. coz i love the Tiny town Games. hhahaha.. we did played alot..
i didnt get any price, but i bought something nice.
The Aybess Turbo Drop,Ferris Wheel, Whiskers Mine Train, Cable Car, Raging Rivers ..
actually i was screaming all the time.. and i think they're getting sick of my scream !
i cant stop screaming, coz i was quite scared. all my first times to get on those attraction.
the feelings was..... wonderful but scared. well... it's nice to give myself a chance to scarem
as loud as i can !!! but Rami and Queenie were sitting next to me, it's like i screamed too loud.
humm and then i love the Sea Jelly Spectacular, i love JELLY FISH!! ha...
we didnt take too much pics, i'm not in good mood. i do enjoy today.
coz it's been 12 years from my last time there, when i was 8. everything is changed.
something are still there.
i had lunch with Rami first, coz Queenie and KB were late.
then we finished , then Queenie and KB were back.
Rami and i walked around, and dat down on the stairs, we talk.
thanks dude. i got his points. we was discussing on something, on life.
i did have the good time with them today. it's like run away from the busy life.
it's so tiring also.. and i got all wet from the Raging River.
Yes, 4 of us all got wet... hahaha..
at night, it was cool and there're lots of dressed up ppl. they're all celebrating Halloween.
it was so nice. we took some pics of them.

we were there from ard 10 30am till ..... 7 30pm? yea quite long..

after that, we took bus back to Sha Tin, having dinner at a resturant.
it was nice. the food is nice and organic. heehee, nice huh~
then Queenie, KB and me had some discussion.
it was pretty long... we stayed there till the resturant closed.
then we picked up a friend Kin. he is working in Sha tin.
then we all took train to Tai Po. i go home.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stephen and I is done.
We're finished.

i was crying till i finially fell asleep.
i slept for 3 hrs last night.
my first time to really cry for him.
today i'm still very upset....

Thanks for Capella's call. it was so warm to hear her voice.
Thanks Queenie and KB.. Thanks Rami.

life goes on.
that's his choice.
i remain single again.

I dont hate him anyway.
Everything is in its time.
what i'm gonna do next ?

>>October 29, 2006 at 5:20:57 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 28 日 星期六 【晴】

Today i woke up, then i went out with my family.
we went to Causeway Bay.
we walked around SOGO. coz Miki seeked a doctor today.
then, we had dim sum in a Chinese resturant. it was quite expensive, the food was okay.
the services is really bad...

then we went to the Centrual Libary, (is that called centrual Libary? or Causeway Bay Libary?)
just the largest one. coz there was the art gallery at the exhibition hall.
dad's friend had two pictures there. so we went there.
then... we went to IKEA. it was nice. then i saw aunt Ching.
then, we all went back to the libary for the ceremonry. took some pics... have some drinks or snack..
then we went to Esprit! hahaha... i didnt buy anything. i behave myself =)
then we went to eat noodles, and walked around TimeSquare. then we back home.
it's a nice family day today. i really wish my Stephen was here with me.

tomorrow i will go to Ocean Park with some friends..
Queenie and her KL, then a special guy friend would be there also, and maybe more friends.
i still remember what i've promised Stephen about...
i dont mean to break the promise, just this Ocean Park day was planed a month ago...
so, i couldnt change, and i didnt remember about that when i promised Stephen...
so.. now it's like i'm not very excited about tomorrow.. coz it sounds like doing sth bad behind him,
which something is just a "so small thing" to me.

i can go with him and without him. but we've bought the ticket already.
how was i gonna ask him not to come?
should i tell dear about that friend would go with me?
i should, right?

Listen ! we have the Krispy Kreme" in HK NOW !!!!!
OMG... i can have donuts here now!!! but it's dman expensive !
or no really "that" expensive... maybe similar price..
but the point is donuts re cheap in Van, coz every food price is similar or almost the same.
but in hk.. a bun cost from $2 - $10. and a donut costs $12. it costs like a burger !
that's why i say it's really expensive.
somehow getting a donut from Starbucks or Pacific Coffee is quite expensive though.
Krispy Kreme is too sweet...
i would definitely prefer Tim Hortons' !!!!!! =P
Yay Canadian Tim Hortons' !!

last night finally saw dear on line... he's busy working lately..
hummmmm... i miss him.

>>October 28, 2006 at 5:11:26 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 26 日 星期四 【晴】

Castor, a New Love Interest will upgrade your style

Whether you're happily single or dabbling in the dating scene, there's nothing like a little romance to
add some sizzle to your life. A romantic like you isn't afraid to live in the moment and enjoy everything
it brings you — especially if it's your soul mate.

It's up to you who that special someone will be. A goofball who'll make you laugh? A sweetie who'll
sweep you off your feet? Whatever you've got in mind, it's clear that you'll be in store for a whole
world of fun and adventure. That's amoré!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your type is the Artiste

Creative. Sensitive. A bit offbeat. Your type is the Artiste, a unique guywho knows how to
express himself in many ways, whether it's through words,music, or attire. You're attracted to
his unconventional ways and hisremarkable talents. He doesn't feel compelled to abide by society's
norms.He believes that individuality is the key to happiness, and everything hedoes is a reflection of
his "inner self." You fall head-over-heels for suchconfidence and style. Whether he's playing a song
he wrote for just you orwriting you a love letter, this guy knows how to make you feel special.
He'sin touch with his feminine side and doesn't need to assert his masculinityto feel manly.
If we were to paint a picture of your future, the Artistewould definitely be part of it!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Castor, your candy heart says Hot Stuff!

When you reach into the candy heart bag, there's no doubt you're coming up with a fire red heart
that reads "Hot Stuff." It's not so much a label as it's your style — turning heads, getting numbers
and raising room temperatures a few degrees when you walk through the door.

You'd love someone who could match your flame-throwing ways, but so far, everyone just melts
like wax when you turn on the heat.

Got a romantic fireside dinner planned for you and your very own hottie? Better keep a hose
nearby because sparks could start flying.

And if you're still on the prowl, waiting to find someone who can hold their own against your
undeniable sense of romance and action, keep a close watch. They're sure to come around soon
when they see your "Hot Stuff" coming their way.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my eye got infection. there's a bubble and water inside.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it's fine again..

hummm today i was on line, then, i went to meet up Ella and her husband.
then after some work, i went home for my eyes.
then i had lunch with Tung. i gave him the little gift finally !!!
it was from last year ! haha my last year gift from Vancouver for him. hahaha...
then... he walked me back to office. then.. i had been working on those 300 flyers..
hummmmm.... Ella's husband helped me for awhile. it took 3 hrs to do..
then... after work.. i was still in office, chating with her. haha.. she's very nice.

oh yea, we got one application today. he's so funny. he was telling me every detials of his
schedule. hahaha.. then he was asking me back when i asked him about the expected salary.
he's very funny. Ella was kidding that if she need to help me call this guy come for me. hahahaha...

hummmmmmmmmm two days havent talk with Stephen. dont know how he is now.
kind of missing him...

>>October 27, 2006 at 2:58:35 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 25 日 星期三 【晴】

Castor, your style says you're Flirty and Feminine

Hey, sweet thing. Just because you're a girly girl doesn't mean your closet is full of frills and lace.
You just love accentuating your feminine side, and you know that sweet shirts, cute skirts,
and pretty accessories are the way to do it.

After all, you're not afraid of things like heels and makeup just because they require a little more skill
and effort. You love turning heads and showing off your flirty style, so go for it! Embracing your
girlyness is what makes you so much fun. Stay sweet.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

last night was chating with my dear.
hummmm at office now..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i was watching "Nip Tuck" tonight.
the woman asked Shawn, if he had ever hurted someone deeply but cant turn back anymore.
Shawn said yes, deepth in regret. that's with his son and marriage.
the woman said.. the most painful thing is waiting.
Shawn was silent.

that old woman took the sergery, coz she wanted her husband to regonize her again.
when she took that, she was so happy to go seeing her sick husband.
her husband said she's so beautiful. then he introdeced her another woman, his new girlfried.
he totally forgot about her. he couldnt regonize anyone anymore.
the woman was pretty upset but she had tried her best.
Shawn back home, beged his son to beat him, so they could be even.
his son said he looked so sad, then he left.

it toched me when i was watching.

i viewed a friend's info. there're so many pictures of a place, where i used to dream about.
it hurted me. when i looked at those buildings, those places i had been to..
i wonder what if i go back there again. what i would feel..
would it still be nice as beautiful before or it's all changed.
i felt so hurt to look at those pics, where got so many beautiful dreams and memorries.
it's all gone since the date i screwed up all, or not my fault actually..
i used to love that place so much... but now i dont think i'm brave to go back there again.
it's my first time to feel avoidant of that place. it's Singapore.

i had been regreting for a pretty long time. it was only 6 months but it was like very long.
every moment you knew you're regreting for something. you always find new things you regreted
about. it's like everyday you re so painful. it destroyed my heart.
maybe that's the revenge or just something he wanted to do in back.
the point is ... if he knew that, would he still do the same thing...
i guess he does, definitely.
in the end, he just did that to me... he didnt even care to let me know.
this is the thing i cant stand and i'm so affraid of... he just did that to me even if he knew my feelings.
so, why should i be sad for this kind of man... he hurted me totally...
it makes me hate him again.

how many times i still need to recover it ? i hate him again..
i shouldnt be affected by that anymore. i'm still affected.
i dont love him anymore, but he became such the big mistake in my life.
how am i gonna take it ?
can i trust the love relationship thing? cas... do you believe the man you love now?
it's very unfair to anyone, including yourself. why you cant just forget it.
forget the pain, forget the bastard in your life.

if you see him again, will you go beat him up or you would just walk away ?
i feel really angry, i hate him... but would i be strong enough to scold him or sth to vent on him?
i dont think i can do that ?
but i really hate him. i really wanna take revenge.

the most terrible thing is waiting. coz it's scary, it's lonely, it's painful and hopeless.
it should be hopeful.. but when you see days passed by, and you know tomorrow would be the
same.. you cant be patient anymore. it's like hopeless. he put all the coldness to me.
i was so stupid to wait coz of my trust and kind.
what a stupid thing.

i think if i see him again... i would be brave to stand up and tell him everything he did was so
irresponsible. i hate him, i dont even want his friendship. he's the first guy i have ever hated.
he should be proud of that coz he's the ever bastard i ve seen in live.
it's so mean to say but truly from my heart. i hope he could recieve my damn mesg here.

the only thing i appreciate of him is... somehow he was a good man at his side.
thanks him was there for me for awhile. whatever, it's done.

whatever, i would prefer ppl telling me directly, just be honest with me.
it takes time to adjust and build trust. but when the relationship is stable,
it would be strong.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fiona came today...
it was supprising me... she still want classes with me after her exam.
she would come every Thurs from next week.
i'm happy to have her as my student =)

the poster would be coming next week pretty soon. i'm looking forward to seeing them!
it's my work...with Ella haha... nice...
it's been fun to work with Ella and her husband. they're nice.

anyway... not much time cahtting with Dear.
i miss him...

we've talked about the paypal and ticket thing.
i really try to go back Van in Jan.
i dont wanna miss anything any moment with my love.
i know it's been hard for him. i wanna try everything i can do for him.

i feel bad..
but i know i will be fine.
my regret is done. i dont regret for anything now.
i appreciate at what i have, and i cherrish the ppl the thing i have now.
i'm happy with that.

>>October 26, 2006 at 5:43:11 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 24 日 星期二 【晴】

oh.....
soooo tired today....

last night got chating with dear for short awhile...
i was jealous, i was a bit angry, not pissed.
then... yea.. i ... respect him and accept him.

i was not happy but i got to sleep.
then... woke up with the bad mood hahahaha...

hummm tired... then i read and did some simple stuffs then had lunch with mom.
hee.. we had some chinese dim sum and dessert today..

then back to office.. mom was with me.. waiting for my sister Leggy.
mom stayed for alomost an hr. i was so bored... i'm happy for her visiting.
then chated with dear for awhile.. ahhhhhh... i think i piss him off again =(
he was tired.

i trust him, but i just want to ensure something wont happen.
i say i was jealous.

i had one class today..
then, i was more strict today. and i have Melody for make up class also..
so.. two monkeys hahaha... they're so noisy.
but Melody here is better. Alex got someone to competitie with.
Alex wanted to be naughty again, but he didnt succeed. hahaha..
then i also being nice to him also.. he felt warm i could tell. hee... he's not a bad child actually..
we did some revision on some important points about pronouns. have been playing games with them
to teach them about pronouns and sentence making.. yea... i almost lost my voice..
they're so noisy.. then outside need my help.. haha...
Alex 's gonna have the exam tomorrow.
so... i bought him candy then i played with him also, chated with him...
i take it as someting i was taught from my dear. hee..
i think it's nice to show the care and give the support to children before their exam.
i wished him good luck. and i asked him if he's confident, or will he try his best.. haha..
he was shy. then i said if he's gonna make it great, i 'm gonna buy him a small present.
he's much better than the last time, i told him about that. he seemed happy. =)
he's so cute. i wish to have more students, coz it would make the class better.

it's nice..
then after the lesson, i saw Sherre and Anson, those little naughty siblings.
i like Sherre, coz she's nice to me even though she's quite rude to her maid.
she's so beautiful and smart. she's nice girl. she likes to talk to me and help me on my work.
she's quite naughty, i think her family is too rich to spoil her and Anson.
i wont let it happen on my future children. hee.

ok... then... i had a break time till 8 pm...
i read and chated with Ella. Ella had a free time also..
cool... haha.. she talk about her husband. hahaha so funny. i was kinda laughing..
she's so funny... and her husband in inside.. so i wonder if she could chinese instead.
her husband doesnt understand any chinese. anyway, wish they're fine ;)

wish dear and me would be fine too =)
i love him.. and i miss him... truely.
i hope i could be more understanding that not piss him off again.
and i hope the things would be better.

ve been reading on infants and tolddlers's attachment style and stuffs..
it 's interesting. good to know. i love to learn about these kinds of things.
babies... this period is very important coz it's a new born life.
it could influence lots about one person's personalities.

>>October 25, 2006 at 3:14:19 PM GMT+8