2006 年 10 月 1 日 星期日 【晴】

i was quite happy...
it's been quite fine lately.. i ve my happy days with Stephen,
then had great famil day and working days..

last night, we went to the family gathering. seeing ltos of relatives of dad side.
it was okay..
then... at night oculd chat with my dear Stephen.. i've been quite happy actually..

then today at office, i got his supprise message...
he suddenly said to me.. " I LOVE YOU ALOT! " and blah blah..
we had the very sweet talk today.. we discussed about some important things too.
lately, we've been talking about some serious things, like business or my family or stuffs..
i really love him lots.. he's the one i want in life. i'm very comfortable with him..
we have some difficulties, it's kindda difficult for both us, but... i love him.
it's so crazy but.. true.. i want him.. definitely.

i met Queenie and shan today afternoon for Karoke.... it was fun ~
but i dont really like this kind of thing... it's too expensive, especially today is the public holiday.
yea.. and i did need to work for the monring.
hummm i was in office chatting with dear... i was late meeting queenie for 45 mins!!!
so sorry Queenie...

i dont know.. it was very nice..
then... when i back home...
came on line again. he was still there!!! he was not sleeping yet..
oh my god.. he couldnt sleep!
then he told me more about his problem.
i m so scared... i'm just so worried !!!!!!!
i ve been asking around for more infomration..
i've asked Momoko, i've asked Nelson, Simon... i dontknow..
i just asked everyone who might be able to answer my questions...

i'm so worried... very very worried.....
anyone's willing to pray for him? we have some problems now.

>>October 2, 2006 at 4:42:25 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 29 日 星期五 【晴】

hihi !

hummmm it's been the long days .... weekdays are always long...
but except the time being with my dear, hehee..

hummmm i was a bit sick... so... yea..
by the way, the guy doesnt come in anymore. i hope he'd never be back, too.
i was scared by him. he suddenly rush in, take some paper then left,
or rushed in takin my water, then ran.
it could be pretty scary. coz he seems sick. he seems liek a kid, but he's a big guy already !
anyway, i dont want to see him again. and i've reported to the security group, as my dear wish hee.

alright, today morning, i went to have a lady check up, and everything is fine =)
Thanks God.
then i hang around Mong Kok by myself.. what a damn busy place to go huh.
then i finally bought a necklace for my dear, heehee.. it got his name on also. sounds nice =)
last night,..... dear told me he was gonna post me some stuffs..
i dont know if he went to the postal office already, it's warm =)

then,.... i did a bit shopping for myself , too.. i should say "again" actually.
coz obvious that lately i ve spent ard... HKD $ 1300 ++ on clothes... and some other small expenses,
like ard $ 150 ? on accessories ? yea... so i had spent too much money on fashion already !
hummm i bought a skirt and a top from Esprit today.. i also happened trying some body wear,
but i claim that i didnt buy any hahaha... coz just not so comfortable, i prefer waiting for the
winter new design coming in stead.
i bought a pair or red rose earings, quite nice i think.

then,... afer shopping, i went to Festival Walk =P
meeting up Queenie!!! we go ICE SKATING !!! so lovely... but not as fun as last time.
today there're too many little children... they're very energinic..
i'm so scared of them.. coz ... they re not affraid to be skating around so fast. and they fell,
but they dont care. my point is I DO CARE. coz i dont wanna fall. hahahaha...
i fell once, coz of the little boy cut down my road so suddenly. he was fine, but i was not fine. it hurts.

we didnt skate for long, then we had ice carem,.... nice...
and i had some crazy chat with Queenie hahaha... so funny..
well, not just the ice cream time, we chated alot in KFC before. so crazy right? haha..
then, we hang around.. CD shop, Esprit again, and stuffs..
we met two funny white guys. they were walking infront of us, suddenly turned back asking me..
if they look like gay. i was a bit embarassed... coz.. i'd never found them gay...
they're quite charming actually, why asking me if they look gay?
so Queenie and me look like lesbian also? haha.. a bit shy... i think i blushed.
i aske where they're from. they told me England. but.... yea.. Queenie and i think they're not.
i think they're the European anyway.

fine.. we had a nice day =) THANKS QUEENIE !

where is my dear?
he's busy with something.
i dont really mind, coz i just dont have the key getting to be angry.
that's what i feel.
i dont feel angry, i dont feel very upset. just the thing that i understand.
am i weird enough? i dont know. i just know that i'm happy with him.
i want him to be happy too.

there're lots of things would happen in the future..
but i'm not affraid. coz... no matter what, i would have to face all the thigns along.
then why i should suffer in all that i'm not supposed to handle right now?
there's no point for me to firgue out things too hard.
if it means to come, it comes, or means to go then byebye. no big deal in the end.
(at least i wont let it be the super big scar in my life. i had enough from my past. and i'm alive now hee.)
it doesnt change me, it doesnt change the love from my family and friends.
i got plan for future of myself. i'm walking toward it, i'm working hard.
i'm loved by my frineds and family. (i have a serious lover,) what else i should ask for more?
God gives me the best all the time. i just have to be patient.
now is a sweet time, later might be sour or bitter. that's life.
i cant say... if it's the life style i really desire, but i enjoy my life. i want to be happy for my 20's.
i dont know how great Stephen would be or how worse he would be...
he's just someone i care and love. i know how weird we are,
but... is it really that important? i dont know... i just know i 'm happy with him.
we might be sad , but not now =) and who knows? we could be fine though =)

i'm sorry for some sinful things i've done or always been doing.. i'm a bit guilty in front of God.
but i think everything it has its time. when it's time to come, it comes.
someday i'll know my answers.
it's not about what i'm guilty of, then i'm gonna change myself to prevent it happens in the future.
the world is teaching me that, no matter how much hard feelings i get from the learning days,
i should be always glad of how i'm gonna be in tomorrow.
yesterday is gone, and i'm happy that it's gone, so that i could start a new day.
life is hard, why dont make it a bit easlier by just being simple of myself.

i'm so crazy with a guy now. i dont have a clue.
let me enjoy the little crazy moments with him.

>>September 30, 2006 at 5:41:08 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 26 日 星期二 【晴】

hummm

i over slept today... i was actually late for 15 mins to work..
fist time to be late to work...
then,...... ve been really very busy today... i couldnt finish my jobs...
hummm..... i ve been updating the leaflets, then... i didnt have my lunch properately...
i was out ard 2 20pm, then i go photo copy... then... walked ard, then go buy Happy Meal from
McDonald's.. then walked back... 10 mins more, i called Stephen..
hee... actually we have been on line since the morning at office...
Thank you DEAR !!!! hummm heehee... i'm waiting...
i wanna know what songs re in the cd, i wanna know how the clothes's like,
i wanna know so many many things of him...
and then i was looking for a necklace for him,... hummmmm i saw three, not bad...
but wondering which one he might like... i wanna get a very nice one for him.
i dont know... we're not very stable, but okay.
we talk about everything... there's no any secerts between us..
it's kinda scary.. coz ... i dont know how to explain anything.. it's like... something that..
cannot predict, cannot assume, everything is simple and i'm comfortable with...
it takes time to.. see how things will go. but i'm okay.
i know there're lots of crazy things between us.. but it sounds nice though =)
coz of that, i understand more about myself, and men.

well... back to my busy work,
i had one class today... ahhhh..... so busy helping ella at the same time..
kindda unfair for my student. but it was okay...
i teached him on his homework, and then taught him prounciation... and help him on dictation.
hope he will be fine...

anyway... have been busy after that class...
updating new schedule and calling paretns.. helping Ella sometimes.. then..
yea.. work is off..

okay, Shan told me about one brand of jelwery, humm she said the style is nice..
coz she also buy stuffs for Choi from there.. i dont know.. i might go take a look on weekend?
hummmmm quite far... in MongKok or Causeway Bay..

and i've already asked Queenie if she will go ice skating with me =P heehee...

missing my dear Stephen !!!

>>September 27, 2006 at 3:54:33 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 25 日 星期一 【晴】

haha...

hummm i dont know i dont know... heehee..
good news to everybody.... things are fine again..

hummm last night, ve been chating with Stephen.
we were doing some research together, about the hotel stuffs..

then today, i saw him on line again.. heheheee..
we use webcam.. he looks tired... he's very quiet, he's very cute.. heehee..
i like him wearing blue shirt, he looks really good and neat. but i've seen his room haha..
okay la.. man is that... haha...
then.. back to office, still using internet haha... yea..
then the whole morning i was giving him. i didnt did much work in my morning time. haha..
then... i wrote him a card also... then afternoon went to postal office..
had drink (to go), from Hui Lau Shan, then... went to bakery to get a donut.. nice =P
then... i walked by the booth, i bought one punch, about maple leaf, very nice !
i wonder to get a " Newzealand leaf" also..

back to office.. then called Stephen... hahahaha... yea... we ve been chating lots today hahaha...
not after long... i got abck to my duty, then... Ella's back.. hee..
then have been in class with her and kids... so lovely Howard!!! he's so cute!
and Sherre is also cute!! she's very sharp ! hahaha... great.. i've taken so many pics of them..
we're gonna put more pics on to the posters.
then other classes i also helped.. coz she needs me haha..
okok.. arts and craft....
and then i bought more tools for my tomorrow class.. some stationary stuffs.. then.. yea..

Ella's best frined came and her husband Richard came... then.. time to go =P

you know what.. somehow i'm scared of Howard's dad.
coz.. he's quite... "free" to come.. too free to come 4 times in 9 days...
hummm i dont like this.. coz... hummmm strange... but i cant ask him to leave...
coz he has two sons in our classes. but he got a wife what, why come bother me almost everyday?
why keep asking me questions like that? he has a good family what.. i wonder..
"can you just go home stay with your wife, and leave me alone? " i'm not implying anything..
barely saying that... cant he go home stay with his wife ?
if i'm interested in your insurance plan then i would contact you, right?
i felt like i'm always taking the job interviews with hm or meeting some new guy frined..
coz, he 's too talkative, asking me too much questions. about my job, my past jobs, my experience,
my family, my friends, my hobby, my phone number, my address, my high school, my pics, etc...

i'm sure tomorrow i would be quite busy..
coz my chinese translation is almost done, so tomorrow i need to work on the poster again,
then... i gotta wash some art brushes and plates, then.. yea.. gotta do some shopping for office,
then, gotta make the leaflet done and make coppies, and then gotta make a few more handbooks,
and i ve class to teach tomorrow.. woo... quite busy erh...

hummm... we had some talk in these few days... Stephen and me i mean..
we're trying anyway.. we dont know what it would be like.. then... yea, i dont wanna hurt him..
but we're just back together again... and it's like we're more stable now..
i dont know... it's.. crazy... the feeling is crazy. somehow we both feel better.
i dont hate Benny as much as before.. i hate what he did, but i'm not about to hate him for too long..
we're over and it's all gone already. i wish him all the best with his new girlfrined.
i wish they will last long. coz.. yea.. he hurted me too much but all is done. cant turn back, i wont
turn back also. so, yea.. he made me suffer in a new relationship.. but somehow Stephen broke it
again and again.. i really thank Stehpen for that.. coz.. yea.. he didnt do much, but i count on him.
i dont know why.. i m just comfortable with him. i find it's really important..
coz.. finding a mate to hang out is easy, but very hard to get someone to stay with life long..
such as best frineds or cloest frineds, it's always hard to find.
i find Stehpen is honest, and quite cute, not only physically, he looks great though hahaha, i mean..
his personality and attitude.. is... quite easy for me, i feel comfortable with him.
sometimes he's silent, i thnink coz he's tired.. and his horoscope is same as me.. haha..
scary, two gemini go together.. must be pretty crazy... and we do. haha..
i miss him.. i dont know..

>>September 26, 2006 at 3:38:19 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 24 日 星期日 【晴】

hummm

last night... i chated with mom till 3 am..
we talk about relationship. mom wanna know how's everything going so far haha..
i was kinnda.. suprrised..
coz.. i didnt expect she would ask.
humm how to say.. i really wanna tell her aout Stephen.. and i did...
humm she was fine. of course she didnt know everything... but somehow she knows about stephen
is someone i'm thinking about, and she knows he's an canadian in vancouver.
that's nice enough for her to know at this moment.

crazy me.. last night doing my translation work..
then today early morning still doing, till really running out...
then i was late to work ! 3 mins late ! but okay lor... coz.. i opened the door what, haha..
i've been quite busy doing all the adv. things.. crazy... so tired of it~~~
really wanna get all the thigns done !
but yea... this one is not done, but others are coming already..
i have 4 more to do i guess.. and i'm still working with some leaflet stuffs.. sucks...
i feel so tired..

anyway, i'm doing fine. and then Ella's husband Richad comes. nice to see him.
hummm Ella brings me so many chocolate! hahaha..
and thanks for her memo tag today morning =) she left me a tag, wishing me a bright new week.
coz she knew about.. the thing.. about the relationship..

hummm... i've chated with Ali for awhile. i didnt meet him last time when i was in Van.
bascially i was about to meet him, but then my frineds stopped me.
then i didnt meet him. and there were quite some misunderstandings happened..
he always think i play on him.. i have no ideas to explan also.. today i just told him i didnt play him,
and i couldnt met him up also. it was my bad to dissapointed him again and again.
so... he hates me or thinks i play him that's normal.. and i ve nothing to say too.
but ... Ade, Cyn, you girls know lor hor? at Richmond that night, you girls didnt wanna see him right?
then Ade, you didnt let me meetingh him, right? ha.. you girls see, he thinks i fool him around..
what to do now, huh? never mind... i owe him too much i guess.. and he told me he would never
trusted me again.. oh my god... i dont like this.. but true that if i were him, i wouldnt trust myself also.
so.. i could only say sorry.. cas, you just apologize too much lately..

i saw Stephen on line... hummm...........
he texted me through the phone... then i called back..
we talk for awhile.. i dont know.. i was crying.. then i gotta drop..
" Déjà vu ", really... Déjà vu..... i mean... i'm insane...( Déjà Vu doesnt mean insane by the way).
hummm yea... then i had my really late lunch.. coz Ellla was back around 2 pm..
i was waiting for her back, and we discuss for some work stuffs..
then i had my lunch around 2 30- 3 30.. but then i also went to bank for her in my lunch time..
so... yea... but doesnt matter.

then back to office... back to work....
hummm busy but cant really concentrate.. have been thinking about Stphen...
then after work, i went to do some photocopy, and then.. i went to the bookstore,
i buy a card for him.. and also buy something ofr my later class.. yea, i have two small classes now.
one on Wed, one on Thurs. but the Thurs one hasnt been firmed yet..

i miss Stephen..



Déjà vu


Intro:
(Beyoncé): Bass...
(Jay-Z): Uh...
(B): Hi Hat...
(J): Uh...
(B): 808...
(J): Uh...
(B): Jay?
(J): Uh Huh? Ready? Uh Huh
(B): Let's Go Get Em!
(J): Uh Huh, C'mon!

Jay-Z (Rap 1):
I used to run 'base like Juan Pierre
Now I run the Bass, Hi Hat and the Snare
I used to bag girls like Birkin bags
Now I bagged B-- (B: Boy you hurtin' that!)
Brooklyn Bay where they birthed me at!
Now i be everywhere-the Nerve of Rap!
The audacity to have me whipping curtains back--
Me and B, she about to steam, STAND BACK

Verse 1:
Baby....
Seems like everywhere I go I see you
From your eyes, I smile
It's like I breathe you
Helplessly I reminisce
Don't want to compare nobody to you

Pre-Chorus:
Boy, I try to catch myself
But I'm out of control
Your sexiness is so appealing
I can't let it go
Oh...

Chorus:
Know that I can't get over you
Cause everything I see is you
And I don't want no substitute
Baby, I swear it's Déjà Vu
Know that I can't get over you
Cause everything I see is you
And I don't want no substitute
Baby, I swear it's Déjà Vu

Verse 2:
Seeing
Things that I know can't be
Am I dreaming?
When I saw you walking past me
Almost called your name
Got a better glimpse and then I looked away
It's like I'm losing it

Pre-Chorus:
Boy, I try to catch myself
But I'm out of control
Your sexiness is so appealing
I can't let it go!
Oh Oh, Ah!
Oh, Oh-Ah!Whoa OH!

Chorus:
Know that I can't get over you
'Cause everything I see is you
And I don't want no substitute
Baby, I swear it's Déjà Vu
Know that I can't get over you
'Cause everything I see is you
And I don't want no substitute
Baby, I swear it's Déjà vu

Jay-Z (Rap 2):
YES!
Hov's flow so unusual,
Baby girl you should already know
it's H.O., light up the dro
'Cause u gon' need help tryna study my--
BOUNCE! flow, blow
What's the difference?
One, you take in vein while the other you sniffin'
It's still dough, po-po try to convict him
That's a no-go, my dough keep the scales tippin'
Like 4-4's
Like I'm from the H-O-U-S-T-O-N,
Blow-in, so Chicago of him
Is he the best ever that's the argu-a-ment
I don't make the list don't be mad at me
I just make the hits like a factor-y
I'm just one-to-one nothin' after me
No DÉJÀ VU, just me and my--OH!

Bridge:
Baby I can't go anywhere
Without thinking that you're there
seeing you everywhere , it's true
Gotta be having Déjà Vu!
'Cause in my mind I want you HERE
Get on the next plane, I don't CARE
Is it because I'm missing you
That I'm having Déjà Vu?

Pre-Chorus:
Boy, I try to catch myself
But I'm out of control
Your sexiness is so appealing
I can't let it go
Whooooooo, Ohhhh....

Chorus (x2):
Know that I can't get over you
'Cause everything I see is you
And I don't want no substitute
Baby, I swear it's Déjà Vu
Know that I can't get over you
'Cause everything I see is you
And I don't want no substitute
Baby, I swear it's Déjà Vu

>>September 25, 2006 at 4:46:24 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 23 日 星期六 【晴】

hummmm,...
today....

i woke up, after lunch, then went out with Queenie.
we went to Festival Walk. we had juice, then we did the ice skating. hahahaha... so funny ~~~
i really love ice skating lots and lots...
and today, i fell once. that was the accident!!!! hahaha..
i miss Ade , cyn and Cap. hahaha..
humm, it was quite fun actually.
we were skating together.. but then she's tired.. then i'm skating by myself..
nice! i 'm okay with it already!!!!
what do i mean by "okay"? hahaha... okay means.. okay lor hahaha..

then, we had ice-cream..
yup, yummy.... and then Queenie was talking on phone, i was thinking of something..
hummm then we walked around.
and we went to Fortress, coz i was looing for the new modle of I Pod Nano.
it was cool... i wondered which one i should buy.
i love the black coclor one. but it's 8 GB. but then the I Pod, biggest size one is 20GB.
but there're only $80 difference. so... i was thinking... to get a 2 GB or 4 GB.
but then... i dont really like their color. i just want black, not silver or pink or green or blue..
but.. yea... that's the problem. i dont wanna regret.
so, finally i didnt buy it.

then we went to Sha Tin..
hummm i saw Sheila!! my dear cousin! =P
she's with her boyfriend. hummm how to say.... Sheila is like my friend.
so, i was very very excited ! i saw her then i jumped jumped jumped!
coz i didnt recognize her first, but then.. thinking... oh yea! Sheila! she's Sheila ! ahahaha..
alright..

then Queenie and i went to Sha Tin... we had dinner, Japanese...
we had lots of sushi.. quite full actually... ha..
then we hanged around... it was late already.. then we back home.

oh my god.. i ve forgotten to do my translation work..
sigh...

last night, i hanged out with Rami.. nice.. so long havent met him yet..
we might go Ocean Park for Halloween? i'm not so sure... but... yea... see how things go...
coz... i'm not so sure if Queenie would get the tickets or not.
hummm i wanna go now..
coz.. i feel really bad still... i know i did the right thing, but somehow i couldnt...
i'm trying to let go anyway.. i ve to get it over anyway..
coz i need to come back to my life here. i cant drag myself on internet anymore.
it's too real to fall in love with someone far apart, but it's also too hurtful that cant get close with
the person i really love. cant meet up, cant hug, cant kiss, cant see each others, cant have dinner
together, cant have movie, cant go ice skating, cant have ice cream, cant go supermarket,
cant cook, cant go shooping, cant go park, cant go walking, cant sleep together.. so many things..
just cant do together.
i was used to be in the long distance relationship. it was very hurtful. coz.. at the end, everytime that,
the ppl would find too hurt to be apart. or.. at the end, just too much misunderstanding occured.
and finally, i've to face everything by myself.. i was loving too seriously..
i just cant... forget everything hurting me. i cant deal with myself when the lonely feelings came,
coz i dont go find other guys, but guys come, but then... i cant do anything with them either.
coz i was "occupied". then,.... i hate the feelings... my love wouldnt contact me, but keeping me.
and then other guys just... cant saty with me also.. so... it was like.. a cycle.
he, is a very attractive guy. i dont think he would need me. he doesnt need to restrict himself for me.
i... hate that, why i didnt let him go earlier. then now i hurted him.

just now, Dr. Greene e-mailed me, and then e-mailed me his baby's pic.
Carina is soooo cute!!! then mom saw it.. i was so happy.. coz the baby is really cute..
she's a mix. then i asked my mom, if someday i get married with a white guy, then you'll ve a mix
grand-baby. then she asked me if there's a white guy courting me. i didnt say anything.
coz.. it is true that Stephen was with me. and i were waiting for my engagement ring from him.
we did talk about baby, and marriage. but now it's ... just.. not the right time to talk about it.
i didnt mention to my mom. then my sister, Miki knows everything about me and Stephen..
Miki was saying i'm too cold to him. i shouldnt do that. i dont know, it was the onlything i can do
for him. i think he's still angry at me.. i cant ... stand that... i mean..
when i know ppl is angy at me, i would cry.. and yea i'm crying..
coz i'd never meant to make ppl hurt by me. and i dont know how to handle it.
normally, in the daily life.. i'm very good with ppl's feelings. so, really sledom for me to make ppl angry.
the only ppl would be angry with me are all my ex boyfriends.
and why it happened.. it's coz of the long distance. i really hate that..

i always says i dont wanna mention about Stephen or any relationship stuffs anymore,
then everytime Queenie would say.. i kept talking about it today.
and it's true..
she asked me.. i could do fine, i could live well without Stephen..
and i said yea.. i'm doing so fine! i can work i can study! ican hang out!
but i know my heart is bleeding.

i'm crying... sigh....
would someday he stop hating me?
would someday we could be friends at least?

i hate myself that i'm always so weak in relationship..
i'm too soft hearted.
i'm strong on everything, except the relationship.
Queenie said... i'm too easly to trust, too easly to be fooled. she said i'm not lucky everytime.
i dont know... it's just me..
just like my outfit style. it's just me, the Castor you know..
i really hate that.. but that's me...

>>September 24, 2006 at 4:21:27 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 22 日 星期五 【晴】

yesterday, i've made my decision.
i chose to take a break.

for him and for myself, that's the only thing i can do right now.
i cant give him what he wants and needs.
i cant be a real girlfrined also. and i cant give in.
i cant have a long distance relationship again.

what i can do is... to set him free to the place he belongs to.
and i will be waiting again.
i will seek, will ask myself what i want to do in life and...
i will be back to Vancouver again, in next year.
it's selfish for me to start the realtionship with him at first and stoped him leaving me; however then,
even more selfish in later that i called and say byebye.
if he hates me, i undersand...
but i just cant.. i m not like the past, now, i feel really terrible in long distance relationship.
you could say " I MUST THANKS Benny for that."
coz of him.. i m over sensitive for everything in long distance.
Stephen opened my heart... and... he's such the perfect man for me.. but.. we should start later..
i'm selfish that i cant forgive myself in my past, i cant get over the sad feelings and worries..
not that i'm not over Benny. i really got over him already. i hate him in the certian degrees.
but i'd never wanted him back. coz ... it was such the nightmare. he hurted me too much.
and that's also why i cant give in with Stephen. coz... i'm scared, and i dont want him feelings
hurts coz of me. Benny felt hurts by me all the time, and he hurts me alot in back.
i dont want this happens again. i cant take it anymore.
it's not the comparision between Benny and Stephen. just some problems in my heart cant be
solved. if i'm there, it would be so fine, so beautiful. but i'm in HK now, and i cant go back
in Jan. so... i dont wanna let Stehpen feels hurt about me anymore..

he could always choose someone he would like to be with.. coz he's a very nice guy..
he's just a perfect guy to me.. i might regret later.. but what else can i do now?
i just cant keep him feeling hurt with me.
maybe next year, when i go back to Vancouver, he'll be already with someone else..
then... i could only... give my blessing to them.
i will be very upset but... it should be nice for him though?
by that time.. i would know... and i dont know how it would be like..
but.. i think.. yea.. it was such a plan from God.. and it would be fine in the future also..


last night.. i met Shan, my best girl.. coz.. yea... i was feeling pretty bad.
today... no ice skating, no hanging around... coz Queenie is sick..
then i will go out later.. to meet Rami... yea.. just hang around. i think we'll talk about lots of school stuffs?
tomorrow.. i wanna go ice skating.. but i dont know if Queenie can go or not..
thanks for Ella also.. she gave me a big hug, and shared lots of things with me last night.. ha.. thanks..

hummm i still miss Stephen.. when i think of him.. i cry..
i still... remember the way he says he loves me of the first time..
i remember the ring, his dog, his eyes, his smile... yea... his call.. ha.. so lovely..

>>September 23, 2006 at 7:50:10 AM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 20 日 星期三 【晴】

hihi...

hummm
today i woke up late.. very sleepy and sleepy..
the connection is fine now, yesterday they just fix the lines.

hummm today, ve been work in the leaflets. and i got it done!!! ^^ so happy..
finally get it done heehee..
but ten quite complicated and busy.. i was using the lunch time to do this also..
sigh..

i ve been on line till almost 3 pm i guess? as i remember...
hummm was chating with my dear... yea.. working at the same time..
i'm not so confident actually. sounds like things keep changing..
kindda scary.. i hope that coz we both re busy.. and probably coz of the hormones changes
in my body these days..
by the way... i'm trying to get a free period to go back vancouver seeing my dear.
i m not so sure how i'm gonna make it... but i will absolutely try my best.
my dear said i must go back in Jan... i m not sure how i'm gonna make it..
but must be as soon as possible.

you know, i'm gonna be a teacher =)
i have one student now! i'm so happy for that !
hummmm yea..

i will go out with Queenie on Sat afternnon, then... meeting Rami in evening!
yes Rami!! so long time havent seen him ! i dont work for Edgar now, so i dont have chances meeting
him at my ex office, or now we dont have class, so no chances meeting at school too =P
anywya, see him soon! then on Sun, Queenie and me will go ice skating !!

i miss Ade, Cyn and Cap !! and of course Vicvic !!!
how's vicvic now...?
Cyn taught me skating hahaha.. Cyn, me, Ade and Cap were so happy ice skating in Richmond hahaha...

hummmm i miss so many ppl...
and then.. i miss my dear.

>>September 21, 2006 at 3:17:49 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 19 日 星期二 【晴】

i'm very very sorry and upset about last night..
i was very stupid.. i dont even accept what i've done..
i was very tired of my work, quite stressful.. then... i saw... my dear's profile.
i did some silly thing, which is very..... negative.. for both us..
i dont wanna tell eveything here, but... i would say... it's totally my fault.
and i find so hard to forgive myself.. so i kindda understand the anger of him..
i'm thinking and thinking....
last night i just lost the control.... i didnt know what is right or wrong..
oh my god.. so terrible..
and now, i still feel so terrible.. it's totally unacceptable..
and i was scared by his anger and words.
and why i am so stupid? i dont know... i'm always stupid.. it comes suddenly, i dont even know
what i've done is just so terrible.. i'm always so slow to understand what i've done is just so terrible.
my dear forgives me.. but, i cant forgive myself.. it's been the very bad effect on me..
i mean... in my history.. i always have this problem..
i dont even understand why i do this, and i dont even know... how i could be that sensitive.
i'm kindda scare of it...
maybe i'm too easy to give trust, and then i m too or over sensitive about... "leftout".
so... when i trust someone, and if i found something strange or werid, i would be very alert...
i dont know if it'd be helpful if i could explain how my personality formed in my childhood.
i just wanna fix it... i hate myself being this.. that's also why i hate myself ...
i feel really bad..
even though he forgives me... i cant forgive myself..
would he really forgive me? or he would keep thinking why i dont trust him on this again..
i dont know.. i dont dare to ask, i dont know how to face my problem.

hummm i ve been working hard on those new leaflet design.
creating is always good for me. my art is good.. sigh... very tired...
and then... helping Ella,... then meeting parentsss, quite busy working days.
actually, i'm not just a receptionist, i'm also her teaching assisdant, administrator and marketing executive.
haha... dont know.. i ve to do many many things...
then, yea... some promotion projects....... i really hope that i could be a tutor soon.
and happy that, i might have one student soon! then... i hope to have more and more..
i plan to have at least 12 students(2 classes), before Dec. coz i'm going back to school in Jan.
i might be able to finish the courses before Aug 07, otherwise would be by Oct 07.

sigh... today saw that parent-man again. okay.... bingo... this insurance man was seeking oppo.
on me. hummm i dontk now if i would buy his plan, the insurance plan i mean.
then rude parent comes.. very very rude one... if she wants to change the classes, then we try
to arrange for her lor. she's just so rude...
okay... sigh... i ve lots of paper work to do, but cant do in office, coz of the chinese software.
kindda bad..
i have to bring the doc to home.

hummmmm
i'm so sorry Queenie... i really wanna go Ocean Park Halloween, but it's really expensive....
yea, i spend money on clothes or shoses or some other things.. actually that's not the pretty big money,
but the thing is... i still got a lot of thigns waiting to do, which needs los of money..
so.. i cant.. go...
our friendship values much more than just $350.... you will find this later...
and you've been my good friend all the time..
recently, on my relationship prolems, you ve been supporting lots and beside me..
giving me happy time in the hard days.. our friendship means much more than just $350 =)
someday we can go together... just not this time..
and we're gonna go ice skeating on Sat, right?

i miss my dear...
it's kindda complicated..
in friendster, i wanna say i'm in realtionship..
but then at that time, he told me his ppl came view my friendster profile..
so,... seem like it would cause trobles to him, so i changed into... complicated mode.
but he was in " realtionship". i didnt want him to change.. coz i would change back to "in relationship".
then after last night, today... i go friendster seeing his photos,
i saw his profile that... he's also complicated now.. so...
i'm kindda confused...

and suddenly i found that...
all of my ex boyfriends and "someone" have friendsters, but id' never got one testimonial from them.
my first and sec became my good friends, but they didnt leave me testi,
my third ex, he didnt even add me. that guy, he couldnt leave me testi.
and this one, he's the only one who had ever left me one testimonial.
eventhough just a few words, it 's so nice already.
how am i gonna thank him, how am i gonna tell him he's such the nice gift for me.
how am i gonna let him know so many things in my heart...

>>September 20, 2006 at 3:37:01 PM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 18 日 星期一 【晴】

hey =)

hummm heehe... today morning i saw my dear on line.
then we had a good webcam time.
i've seen his bedroom, then his big dog, Aragorn, then heehee, his beautiful eyes and
his sweetest smile, and... my ring from him =) hee..
dear's eyes were hurt.. he looked so tired... he's really busy lately..

i was working... thinking of the marketing stuffs, and some doc.
hummm i was doing some paperwork at home this morning, then rushed back to office in 20 mins..
by taxi again... =S
then did some internet work at office... yea..
then worked on phone calls and stuffs, and some arrangements for classes,
then worked on the posters and leaflet.. then out for lunch..
hummm i had a small donut only..
then i went back to that accessary shop. i was looking for a necklace for dear..
then, i didnt get any nice for him. but i bought the earings haahaaa...
hummm nice... i've made a new friend from there. she's the salesman.
really nice.. and she 's very friendly, and we chated... she shared with me about her problems,
then i was talking with her.. lucky that didnt get late to work... humm i left her my number.

by the way... humm strange parent... that man, Holden's dad came again..
i saw him the third time already. he's being.. a bit... strange to me..
i mean.. yea i felt strange. i asked Ella, has he ever asked her strange questions or made her
feeling werid. she said yes, but since she said she's been married, then he'd never asked anymore.
oh my god... i dont like this.. i mean... why he asked me so many things, even my hobby, my social
network, places i like to go, my age and my number? then... i found one thing.. and that's the only thing
i could explain why. he's... working... for insurance company.. that's the only thing i'm thinking of.
coz he's searcing for oppo in his business. alright... strange parent.

humm happy working hahaha.. the kids are so cute! i'm an assistent of Ella in her Arts and Crafts class.
so lovely Tictic. he's so small and lovely! then... haha.. i think... i'm just love this job haha..
they are only 3 or 4 y.o. sooooo cute..... haha
hummmmmmm yea.. and i'm workinng hard on the promotion thing.
coz... tis will be my class, YES! i'm gonna be a teacher if i could et some students in!!
i need students from outside.. so i'm working even harder now..
coz after back to school, i need the part-time job. if now i got the experience, then it would be
easlier for me. i'm gonna teach in Eng, and set up a programme for some Primary school kids.
hummm that's called the English Homework club.
i'm quite happy actually.. coz.. i can learn lots from Ella. she's just great.

hummmmmmmmmmmmm then we went to the Adv and Printing Co. to order some adv printing.
hummm those guys are bad. always wanan charge more. and i asked them back as in..
okay, so if i provided the soft copy in that format, you would charge me less.
how much would that be? $80. so now you charge me $130, which was never mentioned to us
on phone before. now you say that coz not much ppl have that high quality software..
so... what do you mean by the diff. between soft copy or hard copy is "there" ?
everyone dont have it, RIGHT? and you expect us to give you, if you re gonna offer us a lower
price???? then he cahnged his mind..
he said.. some ppl do have.. then i said "OKAY, wow.." you guys told us on phone that was $88.
and that man is just behind you right now. and now you say is $130.
anyway, we made a deal, $120@, we're gonna make 7 or 8 different posters.

fine... then Ella and me walked back, we cahted, then we bought Mcdonald's..
i had jucie with small fries...yea... then working on marketing stuffs again..
hummm i'm thinking of some new ideas... heehee..

anywya, i'm looking forward to getting a nice necklace for my dear, and really looking forward to
recieving his ring ^^ and i'm tinking... if he would have one, just the similar one as mine =P
make it one pair? coz that's the important ring for both us.
hummmmmmm

tonight, met up Queenie, hahaha and ...
we had drink together. hummm nice... she was asing me about Ocean Park Halloween.
humm could go but too expensive. i dont wanna wate money though.
and she helped me buying the jacket from Roxy.. thanks girl!!! i saved $50 heehee..
then i buy her a drink lor... oka la =P good friends dont mind of it =)
then we will go ice skeating on this Sat. looking forward to it hahaa...

hummm missing my dear.

>>September 19, 2006 at 3:45:47 PM GMT+8