2006 年 10 月 23 日 星期一 【晴】

hummm....

today is really tired... very sleepy...
hummmmmmm last night has been chating with dear till 3 am..
we have some discussion, we talk about kids, my students. heehee..
and then... i love my dear. oh.. i appreciate him, i know he would be a good dad.
would i be too young for him ? too young to be my children' mom? i dont know..
i wanna take the child care course later, or the children psychology.
i ve taken Human Growth already.. and today... i ve been reviewing my Human Growth text book..
so tired so sleepy.. but i'm reading it.. yea very thick book..

we discussed on my problems. he helped me so much. and lucky i have him with me last night...
his help prevents some big troubles happening to my family.
my mom and dad know about him already. i'm sure my parent wont dislike him.
i think my paretns would accept him.... maybe they will like him... hee..

i havent told dear much...
i dont know... recently, he's been so nice to me. he didnt did big things..
but, wen i have problems, i would like to tell him..
and i'm touched that he cares me lots and tries his best to help me or comfort me.
he didnt do so much, but little thigns would make me feel warm.
that might be the little love between us. everything is pure, small, touching my heart.
i wonder he 's like the right one...
time is flying... we've been more than one month only, but... it's like... i dont wanna change.
he seems like the right one.

i know there're so much uncertains. i dont wanna be hurry. time would tell.
i know he's serious with me, and me too.

i cant chat with him on line today. time was not right. i was on but he wasnt.
then when i came, he was away. then i had to go.
Ella has early class today..

i miss Stephen so much....

at work:
had been reding in the morning... then at lunch time, i had lunch by myself,
very bored... very very very bored...
then, on the way back to work, a guy stopped me... for donation..
i wonder why ppl like to stop me so many times even when i said so many times that NO.
i dont want any services.
but fine.. it's for donation. i paid. that guy was funny.
he asked me.. why i'm rushing to go, if i was goign to meet my boyfrined.
i didnt answe him just look at him and smiled. then he asked me information again, and asked again
if i was rushing to meet my boyfriend, and just let him wait for me if i really was going to meet a bf.
i finaly said nope, i was going to work.
the first time i didnt ans him coz i think it's not necessary to ans him and i wondered why he asked.
so i just smiled and look at him. he asked the 2 nd time after awhile..
he seems interested to know about if i have a bf. i didnt answer what he wanted. i just said i was
going to work.

afternoon, have been reading also.. not much to do today..
and then helping Ella's calss.. the kids re so naughty!!! hahahaha...
i couldnt stay on line when Ella's back... and i'm like standby her.
when she need any help, i should be able to help her anytime.

hummm
i m so tired today...
i miss Stephen.

>>October 24, 2006 at 2:49:59 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 22 日 星期日 【晴】

hi..

so tired...
monday today... a new start of a week huh? not really.. it should be sunday.

anyway, ve been on line and reading today...
then... rushing to have lunch, got to the postal office... go banking for Ella, go pick up the photo coppies,
then buy some stationaries... then buy two small donuts and fresh papaya juice to office..
then....gave a call to my dear... i miss him...
then we chated on line hee... for awhile only..

i had two classes today.
the first class is with Alex. His teacher changed his name into Stephen... what the....
why have to be Stephen? i cant call him Stephen!!!!!!! >.<
then... we had a tough class today. he's neer listened to me.. always runing ard.. so naughty,
very un-focus.. then screaming and yelling like a little kid.. wooooo... so tired and frustrated.
then.. he drinks water.. it was supposed the snack time.
his mom doesnt let him eat, then... he wanna eat. he tried to call his mom but i stopped him.
coz he's been never seat down properly, never followed my practice. i wasnt mad.. but...
when i stopped him dialing... he went back to room and knocked me out, didnt let me in.
it was abt 5 mins.. i walked away, he opened the door, i came back he knocked again.
after a few times, i got into the room. and he cover his face on desk.
i didnt know what to do... then Ella's back.. i went out help her finding the file..
then Ella asked him what happened, and he cried..
after awhile i walked back, coz he didnt wanna apologize... then.. i seat in again.. silent...
then.. i asked him why he cried, if i'd done anything bad i would apologize to him.
i want him to speak up.. then... he cries louder.. i really dont know.. i hug him... hummm yea...
then he's fine again and willing to read to me. yea..

then he left, Fiona came.
it was nice to have class with her. she's so fine, just a bit lazy.. but she enjoys her revision with me.
it's nice... she gave me a sticker =) heehee
i cahted with her, coz she's gonna have exam tomorrow..

heehee^^ i asked dear, i dont know what to do with Fiona today..
coz we've finished the revision already and then she didnt learn so much..
then dear was shocked at that coz she's gonna have the exam!
yes! that's British education!!!!! sucks... then i know la American education is totally diff.
dear said ... seat down and ask her about her feelings....
oh my god.... i'm sure my dear would be a good dad.. he cares about the child's feelings,
not just exam or result. you knwo what, tomorrow is exam so.. what she needs is not the
big revision, but is.. to relax or talk..
i'm so glad that we both have the same feelings and wanna do the same thing.
yea, he was a teacher in Japan... i think he's a good teacher =) i love him. i'm proud of him.

i'm so tired...
i should rest earlier today.

i did some shopping on Sat in body shop... then on Sun i shop at the bookstore.. i had movie and
two books.. then today i did some shopping for my friends for halloween and i buy some personal
stuffs and mascara for myself and some cookies for my family. nice.

happy things:
i love the stickers from my student Fiona ^^
i love my dear's heart on children. heehee..
dear says Timberlake is so gay.. haha.. for me that means my dear is much better than him.

oh yea.. i should go... check out something this weekend.. but i will go Ocean Park..

>>October 23, 2006 at 3:29:53 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 21 日 星期六 【晴】

Nice MTV, Sexy Back - Justin Timberlake.


Sexy Back

[Verse 1]
I'm bringing sexy back
Them other boys don't know how to act
I think you're special whats behind your back
So turn around and ill pick up the slack.
Take em' to the bridge


[Bridge]
Dirty babe
You see these shackles
Baby I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
It's just that no one makes me feel this way

Take em' to the chorus

[Chorus]
Come here girl
Go ahead, be gone with it
Come to the back
Go ahead, be gone with it
VIP
Go ahead, be gone with it
Drinks on me
Go ahead, be gone with it
Let me see what you're working with
Go ahead, be gone with it
Look at those hips
Go ahead, be gone with it
You make me smile
Go ahead, be gone with it
Go ahead child
Go ahead, be gone with it
And get your sexy on
Go ahead, be gone with it

Get your sexy on
Go ahead, be gone with it

[X6]

Get your sexy on

[Verse 2]
I'm bringing sexy back
Them other boys don't know how to act
Come let me make up for the things you lack
Cause your burning up I gotta get it fast
Take em' to the bridge

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
I'm bringing sexy back
Them other boys watch while I attack
If that's your girl you better watch your back
Cause she'll burn it up for me and that's a fact

Take em' to the chorus

[Chorus]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My dear Stephen...

I was cahtting with dear last night.
Of course i didnt go out clubbing.

then i had a family night, and chating with Stephen before asleep.
heehee... i dont know why i love him.
sometimes i find so weird to love him, coz we're so different ppl.
sometimes i find him interesting, coz he's very special. he could be very mean and bad,
but he could be very sweet and understanding.
sometimes he's like evil, but when he's serious that's damn attractive to me.
maybe he's the fun lover, but when he's serious, he's really nice.
well he's good looking and he looks great.
we can talk about everthing, business, cultures, working, school, family, laws blah blah..
he's great. we discuss and we got some heat fire. i usually getting mad.
coz his points re so disgusting but real. hahaha...
the good thing is... he's really honest and open to me.
but about money i dont know.
i asked him have i ever judged on him..
i was thinking i d never never never. then he said i did. i wondered "what?!" did i ?
then when i slow down, and think about that.. and maybe i did.
hahahah it's the little fun to be with him coz i feel comfortable with him.
he would tell me what i'd never thought about before. his points re always mean but real.
sometimes i dont feel good.. coz.. we're apart.
and then i would think about the money thing.
i want him to be honest with me about money also.

I Miss Stephen..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Resting and the Staring

i went out with my parents after lunch.
but then i went to the book store to buy two books, and a movie vcd.
They are:
"For One More Day"- Mitch Albom
"Blink"- Malcolm Gladwell.
Both re the great books. i would love them !! ^^ hee..
The movie is ... "Daredevil". nice.

and then.. i walked around, and took bus to home.
i had two resting days with my family.

well, i'm wearing the shorts and a tank today. it's hot.
i m confident of myself, eventhough i'm a bit chubby in HK ppl eyes.

Case one: the booth man
why kept blocking me? it's like the road is width, and then there're los of ppl.
why he blocked me once, twice,... forth time, when i kept saying no thanks to him?
his approach is.. making me feel like he's taking advantage on me.
coz he was too close. i was avoiding him.
this is not the first time already... i was there a few time before.. they're like....
targeting girls only. coz obvious that they dont block man or "woman" for so many times,
but girls. well, should i be glad that that man blocked me so many times and being too close with me?
maybe some of my friends heard than would feel sick ! hahaha WHAT A PROUD GIRL, CAS !!!

Case two: the bus man
why kept looking at me? i'm on period, that made me nervous! hahahah !!
well well well... my friend or friends would be sick again.. coz of my weird outfit style, right?
but hell, i dont care.

fine.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The Try....

The Vitamin E Mask is really great. it makes my skin softer, very moisturing ~! =)
Those re the little stuffs i ve been using from Body Shop. They're nice ~

Gentel Facial Wash

Foaming Facial Wash

Freshener

Face Mask

Vitamin E Moisture Mask

Gentel Makeup Remover

Unperfumed ElderFlower eye Gel

Vitamin E Lip care

Mattiflying Moisture Gel

The Night Cream

Blemish Stick

Honey Moisture Shampoo

Honey Moisture Conditioner

Poppyseed Reviving Mask

Grapeseed Glossing Serum

Wheat Protien Volumising Mousses

Body Lotion

Ulttra Smooth Foundation

Shimmer Cube

Lip & Cheek Stain

Cheek Color

Mini Brush Kit


I still have some little things from there, some different favours washing gel... heehee
i'm waiting for the strawberry or canbrerry or vanlilabody lotion.

But i really love the Eye Color and Lip Color from M.A.C.
The Blush Color is really nice too..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I miss my dear Stephen.

>>October 22, 2006 at 1:41:10 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 20 日 星期五 【晴】

hummm

Thursday night, i was chating with dear till quite late..
then Friday morning i was on webcam with him... nice..

working at office, it was pretty boring... and then had the early lunch.
coz lunch time went out with Ella and her husband for the posters. it's finally on printing process now.
then.... back to the office.. doing some prepartion stuffs, then ... chating on line with dear.
yea...

i had lunch with mom, then... she asked about dear again. she asked me how's Stephen looks like,
then asked me if he's interested in me, then as in coming to HK soon..
then asked about his family, his career, his education, and his living place..
so funny haha.. i was kind of avioding.. i dont know what to tell her what not to tell her.
she doesnt know exactly what's going on between me and Stephen.
no one does except both us. but i'm happy she asked about =)
then... actually dad has been concerning about my love life also... haha..
dad said to mom... white ppl is fine, but black or brown then... better better better Not.
haha.. i'm not interested in any special skin color, i'm just interested in Stephen.

chating with dear on line, then.. we had some disagreement.
well, it's okay... just some value issue. i like discussion, but i wont keep talking on the same topics
again and again if that's not really important to me.
i respect we all have diff point of view, and perhaps it's not necessary to change so much for
one another. should be careful if we discuss on it again. and yea, i accept his points.
if these little things i do would reduce his worries for me, then yea i'm gonna take this.
anyway, he's just protecting me.

i had a class with Fiona. She's quite smart, but a bit lazy..
she is more closed with me now... perhaps my little efforts can help her a bit on her exam.
and then can make her like English more =) her mom is much more polite to me now..
maybe... coz i'm her daugther's teacher now.

then after work.. i ve been waiting for Tung. haha he fell asleep !
then... i was at office till 9 30pm.. have been chating with Ella and her husband.
They're SO FUNNY !!! hahahaah we had lots of fun... we talk about everything..
of course they have asked about Stephen... haha...
then Tung and me went to the airport, i was going to pick up my aunt.
on the bus, Tung has been chating with me, about his work. nice dude.
it's nice to be with him, he's my really old friend. it's like we back to the teenage that kind of thing.
everything is comfortable. he's still as caring as before. he's still as kind as before.
we had Jap noodles.. he's working in the airport, then.. he has a pass that he can get discount on
food. he didnt eat anything! but then he walked back to his office and take his pass for me.
coz of that little discount for $2 dollars. oh my god.. i rather he sitting and rest with me.

then.. it's still abit early, then we seat and waited for my aunt together.
it's delayed.. then i saw aunt when it was 12 30 am...
gosh... aunt asked me to go home... she said we would go over her place, but she changed.
the point is... NO BUS service anymore..
whatever, i was a bit dissapointed and sad.. why aunt asked me to go home.
then... she need to go meeting someone, she wont go home also..

then.. Tung helped her to get the N bus, mid night bus service to Central.
but there was not N service to Tai Po.
then... Tung was with me, tried to check the schedule for me..
he said there would be the last choice, the private coach for the workers at airport
ard 1 15 am... we were waiting for this. but he said it would be pretty crowd.
so.. we took a seat resting abit, get some drinks... he showed me where he works, what he usually do
in the airport, his frineds.. hahaha... nice... i lvoe the airport so much..
still rmember last time i was there for my trip to Van.

then... he helped me getting on the coach. coz... it was a bit risky.. i might not be able to get a seat
actually. my bag s were so heavy.. then he helped me, he took my bags. hahaha he pays my juice.
i swear he's the sweetest boyfriend ever would be, BUT NOT mine.
he's quite caring actually. it's like he thought about something i'd never thought about.
he taught me what to do. when i was scared he knew what to do. after i getting on the bus..
after the checking, then... he called again. well.. i was fine, thanks him so much..
then... after awhile he called again? i forgot already i was too tired.. he taught me to set alarm
so that i wont miss the stop to get off. when i was about home, he called me see if i 'm safe home.
he's just so sweet. well he's my best guy friend, always ! in the high school, he was always
taking care of me. i did like him for 3 years... but we were not together.
he was not serious with relationship. he did like me but yea we didnt get together.
now, we still have contacted each others, sometimes hanging out or talking on phone.
he would call me if he has problems.. nice.
some old frineds would still laugh about us when we had the class gathering.
coz we used be like... the "screen lovers" in school. almost everyone know about me and him.
i was kind of famous on Art, edcadamic, chior at school, and i was the prefect and the vice chairman
of the Student Union. and he's also very famous in sports and chior.
we always got fishy stories, like... ppl like talk about our closeness. no matter what, we're just...
like the couple which is Not true. we're not couple.

i was scared coz... i know dad would be very angry.. and mom worried about me so much..
after the bus... then Dad was waiting for me ard the bus stop. he drive me home.
it was ard 2 30 am already.. it was very late.. there're some gansters on street..
idiot yelling to their firneds " remember to wear condom tonight! dont masturbate out there! "
WHAt the.... i was walking by, walking through those gangs. woo ... lucky that dad was waiting for me
it could be dangerous standing on street facing those guys.

then.. yea ... i took a shower, still felt sad..
i was wondering calling dear when i was on bus.. maybe he's still asleep and.. all ppl was sleeping
on bus.. i better be quiet also..
then after shower i called Stephen.. i told him what happened. we chated for awhile..
thanks dear. it's so lovely to talk with him... i was happier after talking with him..
i was worried about getting scolded by dad or what.. then.. yea i miss my dear Stephen so much..
i wished that i could hug Stephen.
then i slept... it was a very tiring night.

dad didnt scold me and mom didnt finally.

today.. woke up... then... got ready to go out with family. we had dim sum together!
so long havnt been to dim sum already... love the time with my family today.
then... walked ard with parnets.. then mom and me went to Body Shop. i need to buy the Vitamin E
Mask. i love that. it's on sale, and i got discount on it. i got one more stamp on my VIP card now.
the next time i can get $70 products for free.

then back home resting watching "Men in Black". so funny! ahaha...
guess dear has been sleeping already... he's on line but away..

i'm not going out for clubbing tonight.

Ella said she likes to hear about me and Stehpen. hahah then i love to hear about her with her Richard.
so nice =) she's like my sister.
well i guess opposite attraction is true and real. HAHAHAHAHA !!!

I LOVE STEPHEN !!!!!!!!

>>October 21, 2006 at 11:11:45 AM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 18 日 星期三 【晴】

i have been .... coming back to my life here.
i work, focus on little detials on work, i'm listening to musics during my preparation.
then have my own boring lunch, damn work stuff on my lunchtime sometimes,
then keep playing with kids, and spending time to do preparation for homework club.
it becomes part of the phonics class, part of the grammar class and part of the playing class.
i guess i'm much more serious than i m supposed to be.

i used to say i would never be a teacher or tutor.. but i'm a tutor for free now..
haha.. ironic right? i didnt like to be a tutor coz it's very high responsiblity.
now, i'm okay... i know there're lots of "qulified" teachers re wose than me.
i was not very smart in my younger childhood. so i really understood how's the feelings of being
taught and scolded. i was trying so hard to study but didnt get the key.
today, i just wanna try to do something for anyone who might need "me".

back home, watching tv, staying on line, have my dinner then watching tv again..
then rest and sleep. i have 8 hrs sleep now. it's still not enough. it's healthier though.

just now watch " Nip Tuk" ha... nice... i'm expecting this series every week.
coz it's on Thurs, then... it means that the weekend is really soon.
everyday is like that.. TV shows become the funniest stories in the day.
the necessary being the funniest, coz the kids are so funny, but absolutely the most relax thing for me.
a hot shower is required too.

funniest is... the time i could joke a bit with my mom or my boss Ella.
she's my frined, she's like my sister. we talk about everything... haha..
we have lots of similarties, really.
we did some chating today. it was fun hahaha...
well you know... i would like to go abck to Van...... no matter how wonderful life here is,
i feel more comfotable staying in Van.
i'm so sorry to say that... HK is my hometown, i had so much memorries here.. but...
i dont feel like belonging to here.

every morning i have breakfast from dad or mom. nice. then watching tv or rest a bit..
chating or joking with dad..
i take a hot shower then wash up... then have breakfast, resting, then do some make up,
then packing up stuffs and rush to go !

well sometimes it s really really boring...

avoiding hurt could be nice or mean.
when it comes to love, avoiding hurts sounds lovely and sweet, coz you know he loves you.
when it comes to pasue, avoiding hurts is blur and mean, coz you know he wont come back as the
him you know before plus it's kind of dragging.

i'm thinking about myself..
i seem like wanna be a good mom, a good daugther, a good worker and good wife.
being a good mom is very conservative, maybe always being the good model for kids.
a good daugther.. i hope i 'm always lovely in their eyes hahaha...
a good worker need the tough side of mine, just a good "working face" is required, the most important
thing is my heart my passion of my job.
a good wife is the most difficult one. men is never satisfied animal. no matter how wonderful
or incredible women is, it's like they never appreciated women as someone they cherrished.
the world is just different. maybe just my world is different.

i'm very tired now...
gonna rest or watching tv again.

tomorrow i will work, i would wear mroe casualy, then at night i would meet up Tung,
gonna have dinner with him... maybe in the airport, i dont know...
then pick up my aunt... she'll be back tomorrow... maybe staying at her place...
then... next day, the Sat, i might go clubbing with Rami and his friends..
i'm not sure if i should go. i really wanna check out there, but i'm a bit sick...
i'd never been clubbing in hk... i dont know..

i miss Stephen.

>>October 19, 2006 at 5:40:43 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 17 日 星期二 【晴】

i'm very tired.

i had the free morning.. i listen to songs, then i read my book and prepared for the classes.

at lunch time, i went home. i wanted more information, so i went home pick up my books.
then.. i was resting at home for a short while... then taking taxi abck to office.
dad and mom were with me. then... yea.. i went back and did lots of washing.
the washroom is really really disgusting!!!!!! i cant breath...

then i kept reading and doing summary notes for Fiona..
i didnt prepare much for Alex. i was very tired..

Alex is too excited today. he was always yelling and laughing. kept running around, like a small kid.
he's 6 y.o. ?yes still small, but... his cutieness cant make me smile...
he's too naughty, cant make him sit down and focus... it was like talking to a baby.
i had anotehr girl here today, make up class of Phonics. she's Ella's student.
i couldnt really teach her lots. coz Alex was so noisy and naughty. he shaked the tables,
the stuffs fell from the table.. then.. he was runing around when i taught her.
i asked him to go back, he yells and laughs, i need to catch him or using his language to commincate
with him.. ahhhhhhhh... caois......

Fiona... she's quiet. she's ok.. not so bad.
she's good. i try to keep her speaking, coz i dont want to bore her.
gramma is kind of boring thing when i was small. i tried to use many many examples to let her
think about the situation and the concept by herself.. it's better than me talking taking talking or
ask her remember every-rules.

after that, my day is off.
soooo tired....

tonight have "ER". then later have "Without a Trace".
last night, we have "Prision" so great !
hummm looking for tomorrow coming.. coz it would be "Nip Tuk" ~!!!!
then Fri comes.. one week done again~ yoho~~~ heehee..
Fri i will meet Tung for dinner then i will go pick up aunt Prscilla, then might stay at her place.
airport again... last time being there was my arrival.
i hate that.. coz i'm back.

i have a warm and challenging life in hk here. i have my work my family my old frineds and studies.
but in Van, i have the more comfortable and muti-cultural environment which i really love..
then.... i have my fav. food, i have my fav. bookstore, the beach, etc... i dont know...
it's just the wonderful palce for me..
frined asked me if i would go back and what 's my plan on future.
well, i would really love to go back, and my plan is about the airline industriy.
i dont know what can i do right now. i could only wait and see.

i had a small chat with Cap, Queenie....
hummmm thanks.

>>October 18, 2006 at 1:52:10 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 16 日 星期一 【晴】

hello...

today is kind of tough..
a long day..
how to say.. today morning i woke up earlier, as early as i can actually...
why? coz i come on line.
having s short chat with dear then i took taxi to work. i was late.
i dont buy any coffee now, i drink tea in stead. i brought my own tea.
so, i can save time and money from that.

my leg is hurt today. i cant sit well, cant walk well.

i made another poster today, perhaps the last one. gosh... i really got no ideas what to put on.
it's been too much to work on it. the pics i chose re always replaced by Ella.
i guess i didnt pick up good pics then. so... things kept changing.

i got a rude call from a parent today.. and kind of... appointment and... got a new studetn.
oh yea, i lost Johnathan, then... i have Fiona now..
damn... the woman was rude... she bascily was looking for Ella, not me.
i explain the course, schedule to her briefly and so nicely. i'm always polite and friendly to ppl.
coz i'm like that, right? but i need the respect.
however, i could tell you that, she didnt know what she was asking about.
she was actually using the attitude to show me she has more power in our conversation.
like, she expects her ideal answer plus she wants our compromise in terms of the time and money.

i couldnt say YES to something that i cant make decision on. i'm kind of professional.
if she was just looking for Ella, that's fine. she shouldnt confronted me about our schedule,
such as why she's not here? why no lessons in morning... so when she will come back?
after a few questions, i gentely asked her who's calling.
she wasnt willing to let me know who she is. she just said daugther is one of our student on Thurs.
her attitude is ike... she's the quueen....
i'm not working for her. who she thinks she is? why should i take her attitude?
okay, i told her she'll be back at 3 pm, coz she has class at 3. that's it right?
then i also asnwered her questions about the course and price. she heard that then said..
"wow 300? her brother's is about 270 only. she's in primary school only what..."
then she hung up.

alright ! i was thinking that you better dont come... coz you would bring me so much preasure to teach
your daugther. and then i was away, and she called back.. she was talking with Ella.
then they made the appointment, she came again, to the office, face to face that knowing i'm the
teacher. she was actually desiring Ella, not me... i'm like... why is me?
Ella cant take care of her, then gives her to me...
she's like she doesnt want me teaching her daugther actually.
i can tell !! i make good observation !!!
the thing is... Ella pushes me to her ! she got to use me, coz i'm from Ella.
i'm like a... " doll " in between.
Ella asked me if i dont want this student. i dont dislike her daugther.
her daugther looks like a chinese princes. and she actually is so adored by her mom, really like a princes.
i think it would be stress teaching her, coz she likes to take control. that's why she tried to show me
attitude and want to get what her expected. but in the classroom, it's not business anymore.

i wanna say one thing..
here's not just a business. every teachers use a heart to teach.
if you dont respect the teacher, no matter how rich you are, i dont want this student.
it's not the market, not selling and buying. it's teaching and helping.
i know chinese 's business is like.... customers re always right. for me, it's not.
if you dont respect me, go away. no business deal in classroom. no pleasing, no confronting.

i have to take this student anyway.
perhaps it would be fine. i'm just here to teach, by the way, FOR FREE.
your tuition fee is not in my pocket. i'm very sincere to teach.
so poor, i'm not making any profits, but i pay so much for the disrespect.

after a long day, Ella seat down chatting with me. thanks, i am fine....
quite funny conversation.... thanks her for the information though.

anyway,
i was chating with dear today. not much to talk about.
he said one word: Relax.
thanks... coz i'm so easily tensed up on some issues.
maybe he knows how to handle me? i dont know. but i like it haha..
i m quiet usually, but i m talkative too. It really depends.
dear is quite quiet usually. i'm too talkative. but i dont like to talk by myself.
it's lovely that he asked me that i dont allow him saying "ok" then what words he should say.
haha.. perhaps he was not in panic.
when he said "relax" i laughed.. i wonder how nice this word is =)
he's probably the first one to ask me relax when i m tensed.

hre i have a question:
Sex and Love making are the same action. it should be the same feeling , right?
coz it's about physical approach.
men said it's about the meaning behind. making love is more meaningful than just sex.
how much the meaningful-ness value? if it really means something in men's mind, why men can
seperate love and sex, and enjoying sex with the one they re not in love with.
physical needs could be solved by many ways. why it should involve other ppl?
the same action, should bring the same feelings, right?
emotionally inner feeling or just physicaly point-to-point feeling?

we always have the choices, and reasons.
there's no point to ask who's right or wrong.
how much you can accept, how much you can respect ?


anyway, gotta prepare for the Fiona tonight. she's having exam next week.
she would come everyday from tomorrow. i would have class everyday for her.
it's the passion.

>>October 17, 2006 at 4:39:37 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 15 日 星期日 【晴】

sometimes, you just cant stop yourself to keep thinking.
if you're the fast thinker, you're sensitive to small things, you usually have troubles.
you probably maybe a trouble maker for yourself.

The Startover
everytime i face problems, the first thing i wanan do is to startover.
new place, new ppl, no memorries, everythign is new and fresh.
but the next min, i would realize that i couldnt run away.
i would think about to hide up myself, but i dont like it. i just cant do that.
i'm always tickling problems and find ways, try whatever to settle them.
that's why i always make myself more troubles. maybe that's called "silly".
but i appreciate myself on it.

The Questions for Men and Women
i wonder, the couples, after being together for awhile, if the guys would still do as much as the
begining to care and pay attention to the girl.
i ask, how many ppl know how to love a person. how many ppl know how to love himself/herself.
no answers.

My Problem
i find myslef kind of irretating. i always say i would like to have the own space,
i'm independant, i would give my guy space as well, i would respect our differences.
i have a problem.i could do everything of the above; however, i cant deny that it's hard for me to feel
not close with my guy just one day long.
i'm apart with my guy.
coz of my bad resistancy, i become the iretating girl.
and you know what... i 'd never admited that's a problem of mine.
now, i tell you, i am affraid... coz it's also so real that i'm coping with it, hard, hard and hard.
i'm affraid, coz i dont want him find me irretating, but i m the person who need the closeness with the
person i love.
i'm affraid, coz i no longer see myself right anymore.
the greatest thing is... i'm trying for him. i'm coping with it for only him.

Marriage
i'm asking myself, what if the passion would decline, in the long marriage, things cool down.
no... my husband cannot do that to me. maybe i 'll be the one who 'll be cold to him?
for me, i wish my husband and me would stay close and sweet for life long.
he's not just a lover, he will be also my closest friend, my brother, my children's dad, my life long companian.
In life, the greatest thing for me, is not about being the flight attendant, is not being successful in studies,
is married with someone i love and he loves me as much. someone would never left me.
we would have disagreement, but we could discuss. we would always face problems,
small problems, big problems, "personal problems", "personal big problems", we face them together.
in the morning, wake up, i would see him sleeping beside me, i would make breakfast and coffee.
in the lunchtime, busy day, i would think of him, perhaps get a message or call from him or just being
busy by myself, fine... coz i know i would see him tonight again. in th evening, i could cook,
and we have dinner together. we share our things of our different parts of life. we do something
together. we have our own private time or we do something crazy together. life is that simple but
happy. every little things would make me smile.

Long Distance Relationship
my friends fail, i failed.
it was hurt, very very very hurt.
i dont know why, maybe fate, that all of my relationship is long distance.
my friends dont want me to fall in love with the computer again.
i understand but i chose to be with my dear.
i dont know why, i just go for it.
some stress is from the money, some is from the family(though they dont know much),
mostly is about the distance.
i wanna fly over, i've planed everything. i need more money.
my family would know more and more later. dear once asked me if that's causing panic to them,
while i was discussing with him. i dont mind they knowing, YES, i've said they might be not happy
if they find out i would be going over to Van again. i was worried if they would accept my trip.
but also YES that, i wanna go, they love me, they would understand.
Distance, it's most hurt thing to deal with. coz i cant do anything about that except going over.
it's like... i cant deny that, it's really difficult. Dear said it is hard not having me there, but even harder
if i go away. i think yes it's true. same here..
Dear also told me... he has tried to be cold to me but he couldnt.
thanks him for not being cold to me. dont try that please.

The Coldness.
I would say, if anyone i care about wanna be cold to me, please, please just tell me directly that
you're gonna be cold to me. otherwise, it's not called "cold", it's called "kill".
i would rather hearing then to actually feel it. dont hurt me by coldness.. it's my weakest point..
if i hear it, i would understand, and i would move on. if you being cold with me, i dont know what to
do with that. you better just kill me.
i had enough coldness in the past. i cant stand them anymore.

The Closeness.
Intimacy v.s. Isolation.
i need to feel the closeness of hearts, not just physical touches.
i cant have physical touch with him, i'm so sad about that.
but " at least" i could share something inner with him. it's even harder to find the soulmate around.
ppl dont understand why i would fall in love with someone i'd never met in face before.
i cant tell the reasons, but one thing that he touches my heart. just one moment, all is changed.
only love can bring this power to human life.
Admit That..

The decision.
i've made my decision already, havent i ?
i will try my best to fly over. it's not about if he's a real right person for me, it's not about if it's very risky.
it's not for proving anything. it's all about me. i want to spend time with him.
Listen: " i'm making the decision all about me. "
it's for him. that's all the thing i'm concerning, i care about.
so, the subject is ME, not him.
Thanks him for the trust and being patient.

The Wish.
i dont know ... . ...
it's been always a plan, not in my hand.
all the doubts, all my feelings, my love... it all comes in a special way.
how many times i had had tried my best, but i didnt get what i wanted the most.
the best is always late to come. the best, might not be the thing i always ask for..
but time would tell me that what i actually want, and it leads me to there.
all i need to do is to give thanks to Jesus. It's always been a plan in His hand.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Today:
terrible at office..
pretty bored.. i read my novel, i read my text book about Grammar, i go on line,
i missssss.... my dear....
i lost one student, Johnothan. His mom said the tuition fee is too expensive (yes it is),
then... he's coming today. and then another student Kelvin didnt show up too.
he has finished the 4 pre-paid lessons. it's time for him to choose to stay or not.
he didnt show up today... i didnt call... coz.. i think if he wanna come, he would come.
today i have one student only, Alex. he was sooo naughty...
anyway, we finished all the tasks, he's quick learner. i taught him nouns and pronouns.
then... teaching him homework, then we go supermarket to get some snack haha..

last night, eventually i could sms him successfully. i dont know if he recieved them.
i'm trying to understand. Perhaps he would talk to me.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm a trouble maker, in a way i 'm the sensitive thinker.
but i'm brave to face all the things.

>>October 16, 2006 at 3:03:50 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 14 日 星期六 【晴】

My 2nd day resting in Van


i was preparing dinner for them, cooking vegtable rice for them! our dinner time on my 3rd day.

Ade and me at China Town on my 4th day.

the 5th day, before going to Granvil Island

Granvil Island, on my 5th day

2nd Party Time at Lisa's home! Lisa !!! my class teacher !! i love her!

Me, Lisa and her husnabd Danel

Momoko and me! my new firned from Yui !

me eating satay at a Singaprean Resturant in Richmond. my 6th day.

Cyn and me at a Cinema, in Richmond, 6th day. we hang ard in Richmond for a whole day.
at night, we sang K, Ade, Cyn, Cap and me. we were playing the the game center,
playing bowling also, ice skating also, sang K till 4 am. then staying over Cap's house.
that was just SO GREAT !!! i would never forget about them .

my motor bike at the game center! hahaha

we were eating at the Taiwanese resturant. i love the chicken neguts rice.

She's my new close frined, Cap ! she's so nice~

hahaha me at the Capinalo Bridge. 7th day.

see the bridge? i love it.

hahaha

Cap, Cyn and me.

This is a huge bear.

the fire station is near ard our home. it wa the open day. 8th day

the shoses... the footprints... the friendship....

The buger king ! my fish buger combo~~

Ade's room, 9th day.

Ade and me... everymorning morning or noon... i woke her up haha..

she 's... one of my cloest friends. i always... try... to let her speak up..

heehee... my fav. photo

the house ard our home

the route to UBC. we were walking to there. Ade and me... were talking... and... yea...

at UBC

the 10th day. my last day staying there.... the last night...

before going out... i knew i would be missing the place, the rooms, the days and nights..
and yes. i'm missing all of them now... youk now... there were tears, happy and sad tears.
our friendship... is still the greatest thing.

we walked from the Broadway Chapters to Downtown Davie Street.
WE WALKED THROUGH THE GRANVIL BRIDGE!!! =p thanks Ade. it was great =)

my last dinner. my fav. resturant. you look... who's the sadest?

let's smile~

yay~

the four of us.

oh! hahaha.. the ms Hong Kongs. hahaha... Cap and me !!

Ade and me.

Cyn and me.

They were my dearest, who were taking care of me. hahaha thanks ppl !!

at my fav. dessert cafe, Chico downtown. my last dessert... Maple wanut icecream.
my last moment at their house.. Ade and me..

after picture.. we hug again... i cryed... it was the 3rd time we huged..
the 1st time was on the day in downtown. i was helping her, and wishing her good luck on her
dinner, that was happy; but, that night we had the very hard time.
the 2nd time... was outside of the Sunshin Cafe in Metro Town, Crystal Mall... we were... having the
big qural inside the cafe... and we talked over.. i hug her.. and.. we were fine again.
the 3rd time.. was the day i left.. i cryd.. then 4th time.. was in the airport.. she was talking the same
thing to me, same as the last time i left one year ago.

at the airport ... having my last sushi... my fav. roll. then... ready to cry haha.. same as last time.

that's the door i used to stand infrot of. i would "knock knock" everyday in the morning, to wake
Ade up. then i would go inside, coughing hahaha.. then Ade would wake up hahaha...
i didnt do that on purpose.. i was actually coughing... then.. i used her computer.. using her big mirror,
waiting for her to wash up, then we go out and waiting for Cyn. but at night, after all,
i would end up chating with Cyn all night long, then sleep with her everynight..

that's the kitchen i alwyas stay ard. coz.. i was having my small breakfast- cookies, and medicine.
then... i was always looking outside, the beautiful sky.. i miss that little personal space of mine.

that's my cloest friend, Ade.. and.. that was the Sunshin Cafe in Crystal Mall, Metro Town.

The bus.. 99 B-Line. ... so many great memorries... we sang, we talk, we play on the bus...

Cyn, my beautiful close frined. thanks for the everynights. i miss her..
she said.. it was lively and fun to have me ard. after i left, she missed me. we had good time.
this time we got closer.. yes.. i miss her so much... it was so close of us... it's true.. i miss her...
i remember my hard time, she was with me. thanks her so much..

our friendship in China town.

on the skytrain, .... Ade was... talking with me, he beat me also! haha.. he talk with me about her.
she said somethign sweet sweet sweet to me.. but it was not supposed to be me hearing those.

the broadway... the place i go to school... the place i used to rush to getting on bus,
the place i used to hang ard with Alesja. the place i seat and sang with Ade so loudly ..
the palce have the best hotdog.. hahaha...


>>October 15, 2006 at 3:39:36 PM GMT+8

2006 年 10 月 13 日 星期五 【晴】

hihi

=) last night, i had webcam time with dear. he looked so tired but he's cute.
hummm we chated for an hr i guess? his homestay person was there also.
hummm i hope he would be fine soon. i miss him.
sometimes i really appreciate his try for me. he's very different from me.
we re in the very very difficult situation, i'm so far away, but he's trying for me.

i didnt go anywhere, just have the normal and happy family day.
i love my family day actually.. can rest, can eat, can hang around, can joke, then have my own time.
i shouldnt always hang out with frineds, i should spend more time with my family.
i was going home alone. then i watched a movie.." If Only".
i ve been looking at this movie in the vcd shop long ago.
i'd never really feel "so interested" to this movie. but it's on discount, i just buy it.
it was very touching.. i ve a sevral times tears town...

Samantha Andrews is in love with her English boyfriend Ian Wyndam. Ian is a focused, sensible
young business executive. He loves Sam very much but he either cant or doesnt know how to tell
her the extent of his feelings. To Sam it seems that Ian's only love is his job. They're at a crucial
moment in their relationship. Suddenly, Sam is killed in a car crash. Ian feels extremely sad. If Only
he hasnt been so selfish and had told her how he felt earlier. If Only Ian could love once again,
would be able to change everything?

you know what, it's so easy for Sam to love him, but Ian has thousands of words inside doesnt know
how to tell Sam. He was trying all his best to appreciate and love her when there is a chance again.
at the moment, the sadness comes again. this time it takes away Ian's life. coz he was protecting her
in the same car crash. at the last moment, Ian eventually tell Sam what he feels and he really do love
her and do appreciate her in his life.
He didnt really know how to love Sam, but ... he learnt how to love her in the end.
and coz of his try and his love. it saved her life, but he scrafied.
if the first time he get in the taxi, which means he was going to love her better, then...
he would die. and Sam dead... it's like... killing him... then.. he got the sec chance, at the same moment.
he said he's willing to get into the car going home with her. and at the same moment,
same taxi, same car crash, he dead.
IT'S VERY VERY SAD !!!!!

hummm actually... i had asked myself how to love a person...
then i knew... there're just... one thing very important...
that's i should appreciate at what i have, like.. i have him in my life.. and to love him.
just to love him..
coz i'd never known what would happen. i've tjhought about that so long ago..
since i was with Benny i guess? he didnt love me.. and he hurted me so much..
he did love me... but... maybe he didnt know how to love a person so far away from him?
i tink all is just the excuses. if you're willing to put in efforts, you know hwat to do.
you would just try to do whatever you can for her. so.. yea... forget it. it's over already.

Just Ask Yourself Questions:
What would you do if you know he/she is gonna leave you right tomorrow?
when he/ she would never be back, the death i mean, can you picture it ?
if you still have a moment in your life, you might leave forever tomorrow, how would you spend it?

the conversation of Ian and the taxi driver wakes Ian up:


this is part of the movie. listen to what Sam says..






then... they started the new day. but the ending is very sad...

>>October 14, 2006 at 4:33:44 PM GMT+8