2007 年 4 月 12 日 星期四 【晴】

hi ppl,

i am home.

i am still okay, but still very sad.
i cant discribe how i feel now. it's very difficult.

i just know... i need some time to calm down.

everyting is like so un-belivable, but real...
i miss him soooooo much.
i miss everything in that house, i miss him soooo much !

i gotta go out do something now... so terrible.

where is my honey? i cant..

>>April 13, 2007 at 4:07:40 AM GMT+8

2007 年 4 月 7 日 星期六 【晴】

hummmmmm

i m leaving in 5 days.
time flies.

last night honey met my close frineds, Ade, Cyn, Cap.
and there were some other friends... Louisa, Francis and his friend.

last night was nice. hummmm but honey finally misses my cook.
nevermind.. i cant force him ot eat anyway.
i wondered just throw them to the garrbage bin. but i didnt do it.
coz... maybe he would eat. but gosh.. like what he said... 1 week already. better not eatting.
anyway..... he misses it.

hummm i used to feel very very bored staying home.
coz... he's doing his own thing, and i am normally sitting here watching tv,
or reading books or magazine. hummmm at night, we sit at the different coach, we usually had different
dinner. sometimes, we hang out with his friends, quite nice. sometimes, i go out with friends or by
myself. it's okay... it's kinda bored, but i wanna stay with him.
(yea, staying with him doing nothing).

Ade was kindda mad that day. hummmm i know why, but.... i dont know how to explain to her.
it's kindda hard to tell why i do this or that. there's no much reasons, just coz...
it's like.. why i come here, coz we wanna spend time together. i wanna stay with him.
then... at night, i just wanna come home. in the morning, when i wake up, i wanna see him.
i guess it's just simple.

hummm yesterday, when we were in the car,... i said.. i'm leaving so soon.
then he replied. i guess... he would miss me after i left.
if he would miss me, miss the time we're together. why doesnt he do something more to make our
time more meaningful? but i think i understand him on this.
anyway, yea... i would never force a guy to do anything they dont want to.
but some friends always remind me that,(on lots of issues)... i should care about my own feelings more.
that's true though. so... i dont know...
maybe like what ppl always say... there's something in your mind, but your heart is stopping you.

what to do when you really understand what your boyfriend likes and dislikes?
sometimes, there's no suprise to ask, no suprise to comment.
is that why i feel so bored sometimes?

i have chated with Ella, hummmmm office is good, that's great.
she's changing the HWClub to Wed and Thurs. hummmmm personally, i dont want, but..
it's up to her and the students. i dont wanna be involved as in giving advice.
we're moving ot the new office soon. i just wonder maybe asking her to apply for the broadband
internet, so i could use the wireless internet as well.

tomorrow, i would need to go to auntssss'home... hummmmmm... not very interested, but gotta.
then on Mon, will go over Lisa's home for dinner, then.. Tue meeting Kianna(finally),
then leaving on Thurs.

i cried last night, he might not see it, but true. i cried.
hummm i think he tries not to think about it, but... who can...

today, we're home the whole day.
we listened to the songs... haha it was fun.
hummm... we also watched a debate on tv, about hk...
those ppl are just bullshit. i really dont like them on tv talking that kind of show.
it means nothing at all. oh yea oh right, all about the econnomics, but what's the topic again excuses me?
i cried, but i dont want him to know i have cried.. coz... i dont know..
just dont wanna show him when i m sad.

last night was so nice. i know he might not like this kinda of big gathering,
in a way, i'm so proud of him.

hummmm... i hope i would really see him soon agagin. perhaps in hong kong.

>>April 8, 2007 at 8:26:56 AM GMT+8

2007 年 3 月 26 日 星期一 【晴】

hihi

i'm very fine here...
hummmmm....

too much to write about hahahaha. then just too lazy to write hahaha..
i have written diary in every 2 days... but i have planed to give the jounry to honey actually.
so yea... nothing much to leave for myself. i would leave every memorries here for him.

it's kindda sad that i ve already started feeling sad about leaving soon.
gosh.... i dont know how i m gonna dealing with this.
and seems like the life in hk going very busy. eventhough i'm not there, life has never stopped.
when i go back, i think i would need to catch on lots of new stuffs.
hummmmm....

the school e-mailed me to confirm my courses, but they sucks.
urggggghhhhhhhh... i dont like them now.
it's like.... how could they made that big mistakes?
anyway, dont wanna say much on those. if they keep being bad, then i might drop out.
and then.... hte office is pretty busy as i know from Ella.
it's like... nothing stopped for awhile. ha.... good luck.

anyway... here is fine. rest lots.
honey is good. sometimes he's like my brother, sometimes he's like my friend, sometimes he's like
my home-stay buddy, sometimes he's my boyfriend. haha great huh?
quite comfortable... eventhough sometimes is not that happy, fine though. yea.

anyway, yea... some question marks are puzzing me in mind.
dont feel like ot share in public, and not interested to talk about with many friends as well.
just perhaps.... things wold be fine soon, so i dont need to think too much on those.

see you later...
wishing my vacation here would never endded.

>>March 28, 2007 at 6:16:45 AM GMT+8

2007 年 3 月 21 日 星期三 【暴雨】

hihi =)

see you in Canada now.
hahhahaha...
not seeing me on msn though, right?

i'm enjoying my wonderful holiday with my honey now.
good good good. very sweet.
i know some of my friends have been worried for me, and it's like...
kept trying to contact me. mesg me, or call me.
dont worry =) i'm doing very fine.

i'm resting lots actually. not sleeping so much, but rest rest and rest,
good to see Capella as well =)
i think i would meet Ade and Cyn very soon on Sunday too.

well, i'm so happy to see my honey hahaha ^^
so, my life here is wonderful, no ppl should be worried for me.

thanks dudesss,
see you later when i'm back huh~
hahahaha,

>>March 23, 2007 at 6:19:58 AM GMT+8

2007 年 3 月 16 日 星期五 【晴】

today is very busy.
everyone look tired and sad.
why? coz Richard is leaving.. they are sad.
i'm so tired as well... i'm always tired.

this morning is quite busy, doesnt have time to come on line.
then afternoon after lunch, came on line chatting with my honey hee.
hummm yea..
then... i had been preparing for different things. so much thins to do..
youk now.. today is important coz we need to sign something. then... yea..
then later i gotta prepare the worksheets and notes for my students..
then write some notes for the teacher.. and then tidy up place..
then this and that..
everything is still rushing. and i'm so tired. kindda worried for Ella, but dont wanna worry too much.
still worried for the kids, but cannot worry too much. still worried for the center, but no please dont.
hahaha.. yea.. a bit worried for otehr teachers as well. but i think i'm not that important actually.
the new receptionist might could totally replace me. so when i'm back, Ella doesnt want me.
Ella said she would miss me so much. humm i miss her too. coz we're always together, like..
many hrs / day, 5 days / week. monday doesnt count.
then... Richard is kindda quiet but Ella, he and i still have lunch or chill out sometimes.. so yea..

anyway, today i left late, coz wanna fix thigns up. wanan prepare everything for my kids.
then yea... hummm then went to Ricky's home.
last revision. okay. i prepared lots of exercises for him actually. so.. yea..
perhaps he would work hard. and i'm sure i will call him sometimes.

tomorrow need to do some more things..
then my trip would start on Mon.

by the way, Queenie is on the plane now i guess. wish her a nice trip.

one day left then i will go. hummm..

>>March 17, 2007 at 5:30:02 PM GMT+8

2007 年 3 月 16 日 星期五 【晴】

hummmmm

today is very very very tired... and busy....
hummmmmmmmmmmmmmm

but i love the time with my honey though heeheehee~~~
it was very sweet ^^

doing lots of work in the afternoon, nothing much in the morning.
i worked a bit in the morning, then just chating with honey and watcing vcd "The Hitch" again.
hummm then in the afternoon since Ella's back, i was very busy.
then the receptionist came. then.. busy with works, lots of scaning stuffs..
and then... some demanding paretns came asking questions, kindda like confronting me.
i was pretty patient explaining, then Leonard came out, gotta translate their conversation.
then Ella also came out, more translation, then explain to the parents.
wow i am suprised that i was pretty professional and patient. haha.

then... after they left, chating with Leonard a little bit.
then chating with Ella and the new receptionist Mendy. hummmmmmm i'm a bit afraid actually.
but yea... i shouldnt worry too much though.
then i was busy again.. scaning and this and that..

today morning, chatting with Hak Gon. SOOOOOOO funny.
hahaha.. his picture, oh my.. haha he's talented huh~ thanks anyway~
so long time havent chated with him. then earlier on, chated with TaKu. nice =)
i thought he's still in Van, so wanna say hello to him but i idndt know he's back to Japan already.
hummmm...

at night, got mesgs from Jeanine in friendster... cool...
she might really design somethingfor my sister =)
i kindda miss her and Angeline. they took care of me when i was in Singapore.
then Jean gave me something. i thought she just like handy craft, but now she has her own business
on accesorries design, sooo nice. i'm so proud of her =)
i think i m gonna buy one piece or two for my sister's birthday and myself.

after work, i went to Ricky's home to do revision with him.
i'm happy. he got 97 marks on his dictation ^^
then i test him the things i writen down for him on Tue, he still remember them.
i'm happy. today we did Unit two. perhaps tomorrow do Unit three and four.
then... i will give him some extra notes or practise tests. hope he would study well,
so he could pass in the coming exam ^^ yeash~!
then at least, i wont get scolded by aunt again. and it would benefit Ricky so much~
he wouldnt be sent to China school, he wouldnt hate English anymore.
it would affect him as possitive in long term.

hummm tomorrow would be my last day heeheehee... even though i might work for Ella when i'm
back. tomorrow is still my last day of work before my trip. so.. yea.. Cas, work hard ! =)
then can go on holiday.
i would bring all the stuffs back to home tomorrow after work.
and i would go over Rickey's home as well.

hummm so tired...
yea...

i miss my honey.
it's like... in every-moment he's in my heart.
when i'm alone, i think of him. when i'm busy, i think of him. when i'm tired, i think of him.
when i'm bored, i think of him. when i'm happy or sad, i think of him. he's addicitive.
every morning, when i get to work, i think of him then i come on line.
every night, when i'm so tired and sleepy, but i couldnt sleep, coz waiting for him.
if i dont talk to him, i dont feel well.
on webcam, nothing much to do, just looking at him, i would smile and happy.

>>March 16, 2007 at 5:22:49 PM GMT+8

2007 年 3 月 14 日 星期三 【晴】

very sleepy and tired...

i am feeling much better today.
i finally apologize.
i think no matter what, if i do make ppl sad, or made ppl unhappy then i should apologize.
i dont want to hate myself either. coz it's too harsh to myself. haha.

last night, i apologized, then we talk over... i hope the thing is fine now.
i m so sorry making ppl sad.

honey was very sweet. really.
i'm very glad that he's very sweet and mature.
sometimes when i think i am correct, i'm right, but he could point out what i'm wrong at.
if he had read my last entry, i just hope he could understand that i was too upset.
i love him.

tonight i would need to do revisionwith Rickey. so.. yea.

brb.

>>March 15, 2007 at 3:19:23 AM GMT+8

2007 年 3 月 13 日 星期二 【晴】

Today is Wed, next Mon i will be in Canada.

the feelings is quite complicated.
last year when i left, i didnt feel too sad, still cry. still cry when i hug my friends.
i felt strongly that i would be back to there very soon and i didnt know why i would.
and really, i 'm going back there, after 6 months.

last time, i was having a task to do in Toronto, and i got a free trip to Vancouver.
this time, i go to Vancouver to see Stephen, to visit my friends and rest.
i'm kindda excited but still afraid.
i'm happy that the thing really comes true to us now, but i'm afraid when i'm back all things would be
changed. if it really happens, it would hurt me so much but i got no one to blame as well.
some ppl would think i'm super stupid this time. too risky.
i really listen what ppl say, but i choose to walk in my way. it might be stupid, it might not.
i dont know, i just wanna enjoy my trip, wanna do something i really want to do.
coz i'm young and i wanna catch every chances for different things.

should i be happy?or i should just keep it as a normal trip ?
if it's normal, i should be super excited. i love traveling actually.
i've been doing so much to get to now, what should i expect? hummm.. Nothing.
i dont like expectation for something i wouldnt be able to take control.
im prepared for the worst and the best. i know there's only one would know. that's Jesus.
Thanks.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hi.

i'm just home sitting here typing diary.
today is very long and hard.

just now when i was walking to home, i almost got knocked down by the car.

i m very tired.
i m very sad today. not even had my lunch time.
i stayed at office in my lunch time. i was pretty upset, then got a call from Ella.
i really hate taking her calls during lunch time. why not just called earlier or later?
i couldnt leave office coz need to deal with the land lord ! i am very pissed off actually.
how could she forget such important infomration about the last contract !
i feel pretty bad, coz i need talk to the land lord, and sfe our reputation !
you know what? this is BUSINESS, something VERY SERIOUS.
if the land lord doesnt deal with us, that would be the BIG TROUBLE.
i really dont understand how could she do things like this.
i feel very difficult talking with both them. i'm in the middle, i'm not someone professional in it !
how would i know why the land lord takes so long to do the doc ? i believe that he needs time though.
i believe that we're the one creating troubls to the land lord. i think we just shouldnt keep changing.
she calls me at this moment saying this thing, next moment when i'm talkign to the land lord,
she changed her mind. i really dont understand, and it's really difficult to talk to the land lord you know?
he's a very WELL EXPERIENCED BUSINESS MAN. do you think he would step back , when he sees
us doin business such like the kids playing ?
if i were him, i would not give a dman.

anyway... my students are very naughty. Ella said i'm not strict enough.
i do be strict, the point is... they are too talkative. i scold them, then next moment they forgot everything.
when i'm colding one, anotehr student scold another one. i said keep quiet, but they keep talking.
i cant even talk sometimes. only 3 of them in a group. but all re talkative. all are doing different things,
the easiest thing is to keep them doing the same thing, but cant.
okay, i dont mean to teach them new things, but you know when they have different questions at the
same time, how do you response them and explain in detials? no way. are you kidding me?
different level studetns at the same group, what do you expect me to do?
just give homeword that's not enough. you dont even have time to explain to them how to do and
when they're wrong you dont have time to correct them. is it good? NO.
i cant be the demon in the class room but like an angel infront of their paretns !
i'm not an actress ! i just find it very difficult when they're all doing diff things.
it's really challenging. the goup size is small, but you know it doesnt mean it's more effective than
the real tutorial big class. coz the kids are crazy with me.

i really dont udnerstand. i really hate myself sometimes, coz i'm just so soft ?
it's like.. i understand ppl do take advantage on me this kind of person.
i hate myself sometimes i really hate myself. it's like i m creating so much problems to myself,
but i cant control it, coz i'm just like this. is that i'm wrong if i be nice to ppl ?
is that i'm wrong when i trust ppl so much? is that i'm wrong when i have dreams and try to you know
make things happen? is that i'm wrong to make things easlier for ppl, i rather step back?
is that i'm wrong that i hate fighting with ppl so i would like trying to compromise ?
i ust think i'm so stupid. i hate myself as in.. i just... feel very bad, coz... when i be nice to ppl, be
understanding, ppl would just take it for granted, and what i get is feeling disrespected or sad.

you know..
i feel very hurt, i feel very bad..
i still feel pretty sad.
somethign i cant tell ppl, something i dont wanan talk about with ppl. but i find very hard to accept.
it just affects me so much. i try to calm down to think... to sort it out..
like... what i've said to offense someone. i feel very terrible. coz... what did i say in a so wrong way
that i deserve that rude response ? who's that someon so important ?
i think i just cant accept that anymore. i'm very .... upset.
everytime when i'm upset, i recover by myself, no one helps me.
i dont find myself wrong this time, and i'm very hurt. i cant treat it as nothing happened.
i'm so sick. i'm crying.

why Castor you always deal with the difficult people ?
why Castor you're so weak, i hate you.

>>March 14, 2007 at 2:47:00 PM GMT+8

2007 年 3 月 12 日 星期一 【晴】

today is very long.

lots of work but pretty fine.
need to arrange somethings, then... just resting coz i'm petty tired.
eating snack, some rice biscuts, coz i'm not so happy today.
drinking juice, reading my new book Hotel Babylon, quite nice..

talking with Leonard, watching Ella's class, playing with Ella's students.
after work, went to Ricky's home. hummmm i was there for 1.5 hr, but only 1 hr was spending
on revision. he hasnt eaten dinner yet, then still playing on line game. sigh.
but it's fine. we've done 1 whole unit.
perhaps i could help him a bit more early, so later he could do easlier revision by himself.
i just hope allwe've been doing can help.

i'm very tired, like working.. from 10 30 till 9 45.
though i have lots of breaks... it's still sitting at the office, so need to be alert of things.
and some small things could make the situation worse, and might affect the image of the center.
so, that's why everytime got some small problems, i need to wait and think so much before actions.
yes, sometimes i let things draging for a few days, coz cant push too hard. but it makes me lazy.

i'm coughing more serious today... =(
maybe coz oo tired, that decline my immune system.

this morning was doing nothing at all, just staying on line with honey.
it was okay, not bad, pretty sweet.
but in the afternoon.. i dont know.. i was not so happy.
dont ask why. just some stupid things.

i bought some candies and marshmellow at the office for the kids.. hee..
i'm leaving.. when i'm back, they'll move. so... yea.
i will miss the place, miss the kids, miss everything, so much memorries there.

at night, got chatting on webcam with MeiPo. she's so funny. hahah we laugh so much.
we made faces, we chated, we tlak for rubbish. we might go out on Fri night.
then i got one new net frined added me. i think his english is not too bad.
he's chinese, but... dont know.. he seems full of knowledge.
he asked me like someday we can meet up to take picture. i was wondering " what?! "
take picture? why ? then blah blah blah.. whatever.
i said i dont make real net friends. he asked so we would never met out.
i was saying no we wont in my heart, but i told him i dont know. haha.. bad huh.
i thought he's my frineds from Canada or else where. coz he said good morning to me at night.
i was wondering if there's anyone spying on me still. so yea.. dont wanna chat with strangers.
you know... i'm kindda scared of strangers.
that silly man came twice today, and the santa came as well. i dont really talk to them,
i was scared. i just wanna move, just wanna say leave me alone. i dont think it's fun anymore.
it used to be okay to make new frineds so easily. i'm an easy person. but now no please.
i'm just scared.

ppl could easily get my infomration through others, through the internet maybe?
i dontk now. if ppl wants to check on me, it's so easly. input "my name", then my websites would
be shown by searched. or they could check Yello page about my job place, then they would know
how to contact me. or they probably know which area i leave, so they could find me if they're really
crazy. i'm just so scared nowadays.
recently, i got some strange calls, blank calls with no number shown. and some strangers added me
on msn. maybe i'm too sensitive, there shouldnt be someone trying to harm me, but the thing is..
when all the things come together, you should becareful.

>>March 13, 2007 at 6:17:39 PM GMT+8

2007 年 3 月 11 日 星期日 【晴】

i had a hard day.
then after work i go out with Ella and Richard. we ate at the Taiwanese Tea House.
hummm yea, pretty nice time.

i worked today. hummm... the morning was okay, ended up getting pissed off by honey.
i was actually quite angry. then i made me parents waitinf for me for 15 mins, outside the mall in the car.
we're all rushing for lunch with grandpa, then i got scolded when i got in the car, but i was having
the very bad temper. (some kindda coz of my period). then i was pissed off, and i was silent all the way.
then after lunch is much better. then dad drive me back to office. then yea just worked.
talking iwth honey. we're oaky. then Ade suddenly came on line.
such yearssss havent chated with her on line. she never shown up. so i was suprised.
then she came on line for me actually. i was kindda touched. ha..
then i had class.. stupid me didnt charge the battery on my phone, so my phone was off..
then i didnt stay on line when i was in class, coz Ella might come back anytime.

anyway... i was angry at my students. they're so naughty, they dont lsiten.
they do things very slowly, talk too much. i have 4 today...
then the situation was quite bad, coz parents were outside. then there was only me doing all the stuffs,
taking hte kids to washroom, answering questions, watching them doing different things.
everyone saying miss Lau miss Lau... then i answer, and i was like, keep quiet and do your own work.
so terrible.

then, one parent kept her child here with me till 7 30pm. that's crazy.
then lots of embarassing things happened.. ahhhhhhh >.<

then, Ella was back, disscussing on different stuffs about work,
then.. we called some ppl find the replacement. then this and that, ended up we ate and rested a bit
at the Taiwanese Tea House. humm okay... we chated, relaxed. so funny conversation.
anyway, yea.

then tomorrow night i owuld have class with Ricky after work.
maybe a few days in this week, then i will fly to Van to rest and see my honey.
when i'm back, i will go to school on Mon and Tue, then work for Ella from Wed to Sat.
Sun helping Ricky and rest.

now, i might be able to aim better on my salary.
coz... yea.. i might be able to get ard HKD 4000/ month. such the great news huh.
but i'm not sure yet. but it would be not bad if i could get over HKD 4000.
it's already reach to my first target right? =P
i hope i could get ard 4500/month from Elchards, including the reception and the classes i have there.
it's kindda cheap though, right? i normally have... 3 classes/ week.

oh yea.. why i say so... coz that Tomoyo doesnt wont be here anymore.
she takes another job. sigh. dont know if it's good or not.
i just know there seems like another plan again... really...
God is really watching things.

since i'm back to school, i would be pretty simple. i wear casual clothes,
with simple meals. i'm just a super simple looking girl at school.
but of course i m confident of my look in school, charm and smart.
i never say impossible on school work. i never say i will be fail. coz i know i wont.
the only high expenses would be on transportation and books i guess..
maybe coffee as well. hummmmmm yea...

actually, i guess my charm is on my confident side.
and i usually do very good result... so.... yea.
dont know if it's good or not. i just wonder what if i speak english in class, would that be very weird?
but we're supposed to study in english right? then why can not use english in class?
if my classmates speak in chinese then i would find weird actually. so.. i'm kindda affraid now.
what if this, what if that ?
it's after a monmth so yea.. let it be.. and i cant control it, so yea see how it will be like.
if the school is really bad, then i will drop. it might be better ? i dont know.
i'm looking forward to be back to school, coz i love studying and i love my major.
but if the school is not interesting, the calsses are dumb, then i m sure i wont want it.
so.. if the school is bad, i guess i will probably drop out from there.
and that's also why i cant plan much for my future. coz everything is till the unknown.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

yesterday was fine.
i didnt have class with Ricky, then i woke up till very late..
then i had web cam time with honey.. very sweet... then i went out with my family for late lunch..
then hanging around in Mong Kok... bought some Chinese traditional snacks for honey,
teachers and some frineds. i think i bought not enough though...
then i also bought a cologne for honey =) heehee. it's my fav actually. i love this smell so much.
it's DunHill Fresh. the light green color one. i really love it, it's very attractive.
i'm kindda worried he might not like it, but i bougt it already.
and i think he will like it =) hee.

then back home... resting.. and chated with honey again =P
heehee^^ i really love my honey so much.
i was very worried for him, now i'm still worried. you know.. i had tears in my eyes but he didnt see.
hummmm... yea.

then yea, i know Queenie is very pissed off by me, but i have nothing to say.


i'm very sleepy now..
would he wake up soon? dont know when he slept...
hummm i hope he's fine. i want him stay healthy. coz i care about him so much, coz i love him so much.

>>March 12, 2007 at 5:34:59 PM GMT+8