2008 年 1 月 21 日 星期一 【晴】

these two days are the school days...
then.. i had classes.

this morning i woke up then started reading my notes and the class materials.
it was hard. and i just get them done on time. i went to school earlier, then stayed in the computer lab
studying, using the on line dictionary. it was okay,.. and also rushing some fries. i didnt really have
breakfast or lunch except the wake up coffee i made at home.

then... the class was fine. just kept taking notes and thinking..
lots of information today.. mostly ard the consitution and the 3 levels of governmental structure.
the power between the local government, state-gov, and the federal gov.
it also relates to some... history background, wars and cilvil rights, basically ard the consitution.
i had coffee and coke in class... then after class was very hungry.. but.. no longer as stress..
coz.. Proff Casey decided to postpond the first paper due date. and... yea.. i'm more familiar with what
i'm studying now. i'm more okay... but the for the class of last night, the Adulthood class ... is a bit..
weird still. and i'm gonna missing the Sunday MU class this week. coz.. i would need to help Shan
for her project which i promised her so long ago.. and i couldnt change it now. i would be her model
wearing her design, having a small runway show. hahaha.. yea... i'll be the next top model.e
so.. i will have so much to catch up later on.. i hope it would be fine.
then... i have started the research for my papers already... but stilll..... considering of some ideas..
and... i would need to pick up some books at the library soon.. probably... find them on line first,
then ask them to send to the Tai Po public library..

i saw Senia and Veto after class. we chatted for awhile in the computer lab while i was checking my
e-mails... hummm he was nice. and he left me a sticky note on my Facebook.
i used to think Veto is kindda "mother boy" type, coz he's really young. but... he's actually not too bad.
well even though he said.. if i'm bored i could probably seek him at school, coz he's always there,
i wouldnt really look for him i guess. i dont really look for anyone at school. i straightly go into class,
or at the library or computer lab. everytime i just rush back to school or busy doing school work ard.
after school, sometimes checking mails then i have to rush leaving... what i miss is... the good time
with my classmates before, and sure i will miss them still. but just... if we're in diff class, probably
wont really have time to catch up that much. coz even though in break time, i would be busy.
that's also why i think i'm not as popular at school. coz i'm always busy all the time. i dont socialize lots.
but.. i didnt know my classmates like me =) i'm suprised. and i like them too. hee =)

the internet here is very unstable... i'm so pissed off sometimes..
coz it really makes many troubles to me, esp while i was rushing to do some e-mails or downloading
information for classes. damn it.

then.. back to Tai Po,... and teaching Cantonese.. Richard is doing much better. we do much faster
as well. i'm happy, and probably we will do a revision on Friday, then we could move on to the next
topic. he's fine. Ella is back to the office today. she's more okay now. that's nice.
then we had a meeting after the teaching.. i stayed till 10pm. omg.. so tired..
i reported the work and how the office run on Fri and Sat. i reported about Chris, and also discuss with
Ella to see what we should do about him. he really need some help in teaching, but i dont wanna be so
harsh on him. that's also what Ella agrees with. so.. yea... we are going to... do something about that.
we start planing for the summer courses now, which is good. coz finally Ella starts to learn planing.
maybe that's the baby power to make mommy be more organized and mature at work.
she's probably on leave for the whole summer, she would labour soon ard that time. hee.
so yea.. i would be pretty busy at work and school again.

still, i havent schedule well my work and study. coz too many changes recently. some MU class was
canceled, then i m going to put extra time on study, and.. i dont know.. probaly have many personal
things to work on.. so.. really busy.. and... really hard to find time seeing Mary, my consellor.
seems like almost 2 months already, yea? i can really remember..
there're many times i really wanna phone her and make an appointment.. but... look at my messy
schedule, i really dont have a real stable one, to sqeeze out the time for that.. and i know she's pretty
busy as well. so... i dont know.. i would try to.. call maybe tmr or the day after.

okay.. i'm going to bed soon...
do some more reading. i really love my book. then... yea.. tmr would be a new fresh day.
coz i would have a nice morning, then... yea.. lunch time and work of course..
then have a class to teach.. and ... rest and go home. i hope.
and i would do some more research nad studying at office tmr actually. so...rest well and work hard, cas.

i miss Stephen. i really do.

>>January 22, 2008 at 4:58:25 PM GMT+8

2008 年 1 月 21 日 星期一 【晴】

hi..

Sun, i just stayed home the whole day resting.
i was on line and watching tv. i wished to use webcam wiht honey, but he was away.
then.... nothing much... watched movie as well.

then i read before i slept. i read for 2 hrs. time flies. the book was really good.
then... i had a very horrrible nightmare.
i dreamt of a cat beside my bed. and it attacked me while i was sleeping.
i tried so hard to get rid of it, i throw it away, then it jumped to my bed again.. then i threw it away,
and it just jumped on my face. then i just woke up. i was so scared.. then i slept again.

i woke up late, ard 12 noon. then.. i read the class notes and article and the consitution.
i still havent finished them. omg.. it's so bad. i'm so stressed.
then i went to Prince Edward. i rushed there actually. coz damn it the internet wasnt working well.
i spent extra time on e-mail, the reply to Proff Casey. then i was so pissed off.
i rushed back to office to print out some notes, then rushed ot Prince Edward.
after teaching, then i rushed to Admirlty to get a doughnut and juice, then rushed back to school.
rushing here and there... i'm so tired.
then the class was so so. very small class size, and i dont see any friends there.
omg. i'm so lonely. and then... the first thing Dr.Chan did ... was... asking me... .. like.. what happened
on my final exam last term. he said... he thought i was sick or something. i told him that i didnt have
enough time to prepare for my final exam. you know what.. i felt so bad about it actually..
coz... you know... i really reuin my work in my whole period of the course. i did good mid term,
i did very great paper, but i screwed my final exam, which weights 50% in total. what a stupid thing i did.
i feel so bad about this. and.. i cant do nothing now. i cant help at all. so stupid.
and.. i dont know... this class is a bit weird. PSY 222 Dev. Psych- Adulthood.
and tmr.. got Proff Casey class.. US Government. omg. i dont knwo if i could finish the reading.
i'm so tired... and i find so lonely. i know no body in these two classes at all.
the class size is small, and i know no one. and there're some self disclosure during discussion..
and i dont like it with them. i'm not .... comfortable with the classmates in these two classes.
its like... suddenly changin a bunch of classmates. and gotta take time to konw them and adjust..
i feel like i'm in a total new enviornment again. i dont mind to make new friends, know new ppl,
but... it's so weird this term.

>>January 21, 2008 at 5:29:16 PM GMT+8

2008 年 1 月 18 日 星期五 【晴】

very busy day.

omg. i m having headache. too tired..

i was happy that i could still chat with honey this morning..
but after chatting, i really got many many stuffs to do.
i actually didnt take my lunch time at all. so bad...

some parents talked with me lotssss... and.. many things to arrange..
Ella keeps calling in every hrs... she just always call on the busiest time. why wouldnt she use
her brain to think about when to call, when not to call? what to talk, what not to talk?
but it's okay. i could understand her situation. somehow i just got annoyed, but i'm just doing my job,
so... i dont care that much anymore. i just do my best.

i ate... ard 2 30pm. and rushed back to office before 3pm. humm rushing eating Mc.Dondalds...
actually CHRIST was LATE. ONE HOUR LATE.
sigh. my stduents were waiting for him, and this is their first lesson at our center.
then... as i expected, he couldnt handel the class arrangement.
i seat in there observering him teaching, but he was not doing good..
some parents actually question me about their kids.. so... i just seat in and helped.
and funny that the kids listened to me not him. i taught better than he did. i know that i m not very good..
but... still... better than him. he doesnt understand what the kids need..
he has a great heart, but he still need more exp.
but.. i cant understand. he has been teaching for more than 1 year and half.. and he's still... you know..
and i dont know.. it's not really my business.. i was just trying to help only.
end up i was like the teacher explaining and talking with the parents about how the kids did.
what the weakness and strengths of the kids, and how they can practice at home or improve..
i bought him some m&ms, i asked him if he wanna share with the kids. coz.. he looked frustrated,
and the kids, the other class with him, were kindda lost.. they dont understand.
i actually admire his efforts and patient to try hard with the lesson. so.. i just bought some m&ms
for him and the kids. then.. he said he doesnt wanna share. ok then i just left it there.

but after that.. i still need to do my other jobs. so... in the end.. i just got exhuasted.

i m going to bed soon. tmr.. i just wanna stay home and rest.
i wish i could stay with honey... . anyway.. yea.. hope to see him soon.

>>January 19, 2008 at 4:42:15 PM GMT+8

2008 年 1 月 17 日 星期四 【晴】

hi.

it's been quite crazy at office today.
well... Ella's back hurting like hell, so she couldnt get out from bed.
she came in the morning, but during class, she felt really hurt, then she left.
after seeing the doctor, she just didnt come back.
Friday and Saturday are the busiest days. and... it just took a whole day for me busy working,
arranging different things. omg. i'm so tired. it was too busy to handel this and that at the same time.
i made so many calls to cancel some classes, and try finding teachers to come taking over classes.
May would be abs for a few classes tmr, so i need to do extra work to help her out.
Ella wont come for the whole day, many students are affected and need to rearrange schedle.
it was so busy. and as usualy, so many daily jobs to do with the classes, helping the teachers,
sudents and the parents. so..... it's really tiring. i dont have a min free till 8 sth i left.
lots to prepare... Ella should be responsible for some but she didnt do much at all.
May asked me for help as well. so... yea.. then Chris would take many classes tmr..
and personally, i dont think he could handel such arrangement by Ella.
well i dont disagree with Ella, but just... i guess i would need to stay in class helping Chris.
anyway.. Ella's ... sigh. pregrnant woman is .... troublsome, especially those are always spoiled,
like... princess all the time. she keeps changing her mind and.. sometimes i dont know what to do.
but its still okay. if i find thigns wrong, i would tell her. she usually listens.

i'm so stressed sometimes, coz... i have many things to do, to prepare my classes at school.
it just starts, but i can feel how stressful thigns could be, and i'm really focusing on the paper now.
i dont know. it's so challenging, i really like it, i would do the best i promise. but, yea..
besides, PSY 222 Adulthood would start on the coming Monday. so.. i would see Dr. Chan again.
i dont know, probably i would need to talk with Dr. Chan soon about my final project.
i'm going ot delay it, and i would take a vacation after this term. perhaps during the vacation, i would
do some research and prepartion for my final project.
i have many thing to read now, and i'm also doing some supplmentry research outside, so that i
could understand better about the class notes. i didnt buy the text book, the US Government
text book costs $800 HKD. i dont really wanna have it. it's too expensive for me. but i'm gonna to borrow
some sorts of books, or maybe make some photo copy for reference. every topics is just.. too wide
and kindda unfamliar to me. i ve taken US History and Cilvil War History. but... honestly, i just barely
passed. and it's like a few years back, i could barely remember what happened, but details... really
got blowed away already. then now, in class, we always talk about why and how things happened,
when and how the Consitution and its admendment established. and these all involves lots of history
background. i saw my classmates werent taking notes, they just listened only. this class is really small,
only got 4 of us. so.. the morning section is all canceled, and put as the direct-study.
so we're supposed to read lots and lots, more than usual. i'm a bit worried, but it should be fine.
i believe that i can make it. i will do it nice. just.. need to do extra work.

then... yea.. got a few mesg on Facebook. haha Karen laughed at me. she's so funny, telling everyone
how forgetful i was. haha... i'm not angry at her. in the last term, we were contacting each others much.
i thought she was angry at me over something i dont know, or she just dislike me as a friend.
we used to hang out lots. she's my first friend since i got back to school. at first... i wasnt quite sure
if i wanna make any frineds at school. coz i didnt need one. but then slowly we just became friends.
we were always together, but somehow i didnt knwo why suddenly she kept distance with me.
but now seems like things are okay again. i dont know.
Avery wrote on my wall on Facebook as well. humm he miss me? hahaha... how come?
i didnt notice that i was always in the same class with him. he told me that today. and then... he said
we dont have same class this term. oh yea.. we actually dont, but... i dont know. i am not as popular
actually, so.. i didnt think my classmates would miss me somewhat. Avery and i dont talk at all, except
once he seat behind me... it was... last term, in Prof Casey class, the ID301 Criticle Thinking.
hummm he was always picked to answer questsions, probably coz he didnt really paticipate in the
discussion or he actually has good points on his individual paper. i dont know.. he seat behind me
always. and sometimes i would help him when he got questioned. not helping much actually.
then yea the day when we got the release of the mid term, we chatted, and i found him got really
high marks. i was quite impressed. i didnt know he was good. anyway, since that time i knew he's
not bad. then i dont know.. i always saw him in the computer lab after lunch. i ususally say hi when
i go in, coz i m quite sure there must be some ppl i know. i dont specificly greet ppl individually.
but maybe coz the classmates are more close now, we started to chat in the lab. somehow it sounds
like the internet cafe. hahaha... ppl turn the speaker loud. some are playing games. i am on MSN and
Facebook usually. then we all started throw trees or gifts or mesg on Facebook to each others.
hahah.. it was kindda fun sometimes, killing time, relaxing during break time. yea, Avery and i sometimes
chatted on Facebook too. Wyman was very sweet. he made everyone a cellphone assesscory in Christmas.
Esther is like the big sister. she's very cute, a nice person. Karen Choo is good at cooking. Agnes looks
very sweet too. i like my classmates. i would miss them too. i am not that popular i guess..
coz.. when i come to class, i m serious listening and taking notes. i dont chit-chat in class.
i ask and answer questions. and sometimes if i'm busy preparing for classes in computer lab or class,
i dont talk to anyone. i wear my i pod then i focus on my job. i think i might be a bit weird in class..
but.. i dont care much, coz this is just me, and what a busy student should be doing, just working hard.
especailly me, i dont have much time, i got work as well. so.. i should pay extra efforts to work harder
on my study.

okay i think i should stop.

hummmm this morning when i sign in MSN, a person added me. i accepted by mistake.
i didnt really waanna add. but then yea i was shocked about the e-mail address..
it's weird. i said hi, but didnt get any reply. then...yea.. i blocked... but... i really wanna know who s that.
then i unblocked and asked who s that and see if i knew this person.. but no reply.. so i blocked again.
it's weird. i'm afraid that's someone i might probably dont wish to hear from.

anyway.. i talked with Stephen yesterday...
he seems very tired and busy. i dont know. he seems not very happy or excited talking with me.
i have something important to discuss with him. i dont know. i guess we're still okay. i miss him...
but maybe i should give him some more time. i miss him. i really miss him.
i'm still very... passionate to him..
but somehow.. i dont know.. i'm a bit tired. it's like.. i'm always doing it by myself. can i get lazy too?

mom would go to the hospital next week. i'm not too worried...
i hope it would be fine.

i'm writing too much today.
i'm going to exercise, then.. probably going to bed soon.
wanna read and have good sleep.

Castor, everything is gonna be alright.

>>January 18, 2008 at 3:25:49 PM GMT+8

2008 年 1 月 16 日 星期三 【晴】

hi.

last night i went to bed around 12 sth am, then reading and slept ard 2 am.
hummm besides reading, i have thought of lots of things.
i kept asking myself some questions. like.... what are my decisions.
what i actually want and dont want. things seem changing lots in 2007.
now it's 2008. and.. i 'm planing on plenty of things, including my study and career, and my relationship.

hahaha... just now, a student came in and gave me a candy! hahaha.. so cute..

then yea, anyway.. i really need to make my decisions.

and then... mom just got another check up this morning. it's not that good.
she needs two operations. i guess i just cant worry too much. i hope she would be fine.
of course i m worried, but... you know... i cant control everything.

i dont know...
life is just not easy.. i just woke up from the frustration.

what i wanna do is... first, i think i need to talk with Stephen. coz it's like a week not hearing from him,
and i have something need to discuss with him. dont know how he's doing. i miss him.
i was quite angry at him honestly, and i dont know if he knows about it. but somewhat i calm down
already, and i am not angry anymore. i think there're some important things he has to know.

i m going home for lunch soon, seeing my mom and... dont know.. listening to her.
got a call from Miki. it's her school lunch time now. she seems very worried for mom.
i'm sure Leggy is more worried, coz she's the youngest, and the closest with mom.
i really dont want this affects my sisters too much yet. Miki is gonna take CE very soon.
and Leggy is going to Form 4 this year too. and i'm the oldest, with a psychology major degree.
i'm not implying anything, but i will see what i can do.

>>January 17, 2008 at 5:04:49 AM GMT+8

2008 年 1 月 15 日 星期二 【晴】

hi.

yesterday...
i just went to school in the morning, and the same thing happened that class was canceled.
i was in a rush as usual, then hurrying to swallow my hashbrown inside the classroom,
while waiting for Prof Casey to show up. then i started reading till 10 15.. the assistent came in
telling us the class should be at 2 30pm instead. i was like "what?!"
uhhhhh.... then i went to the computer lab. and started thinking where i should go or do.
i saw Rami on line. haha.. good. so i just mesg him see if he wanna hang out.
he told me he's going to gym. fine.

mom and dad went to China, so i couldnt call mom... then i call aunt Ching, coz she lives ard Central.
i thought i could go over her place or met her. then she was busy, she needed to go somewhere else.
then i just hang around Central by myself. i saw lots of tourist. i felt like i'm part of them, especially...
i really seldom go to those places in Central. it was fun. i saw lots of funny things, and it's interesting.
the shopping malls were quiet, so spacious and comfortable. the park is nice, coz it's clean and quiet.
i saw many white ppl, guess they're tourist or just working in those buildings there. suddenly, i just
dont know why HK has so many white ppl. most of them must be working in the top companies in
HK, in Central i mean.. then...especially they're all in suit. i wonder if HK hires HK ppl in stead of them
then maybe our region or city might not be as international anymore. right?
i dont know. but i feel proud of myself. coz.... i'm from such a cute city =)
yea, i grow up in HK, i'm so proud of it. then....

Rami sms me, that he could meet up for lunch.
so i just went to Admiralty. same, just so many white business workers. maybe coz it's lunch time,
and i was in Great, the very nice supermarket + food court. i'm quite impressed, coz i could see lots
of nice western food and their resturants inside Great. and then, yea... i found Gelato and White Sopt.
it's nice. so.. i just bought a bagle, chips and juice then ate with Rami in the garden.
we chatted alot. i'm so happy for him, he's finally in a new relationship with his perfect girl haha.
then he's going to Londo in Sep for his master degree. it's so nice for him.

then, i rushed back to school for my afternoon class. this course is gonna be as tough.
coz... even though it's only like PS 100, the work load is high. so many things to read, including the
US Consitution, which is..... a bit boring for me. hahaha.. but yea, i'm gonna study this, go into it.
then yea... a big paper due to one week after, so is in three weeks. i m gonna find the topic, and
do some research. hummmm.

after class, i just went back to Tai Po, i taught Cantonese. it was good. Richard is a fast learner.
and he's improving, i'm very happy for him. and Ella came in. this time she didnt push too hard.
then she watched us. i kept going. then... i dont know, i think she's okay, and she is satisfied about
how Richard's doing. i'm happy. the coming lesson, i would make it a bit harder, coz i think Richard
is more confident now, and he should be able to handel more from now on. that's good.

i bought dinner and ate at home with my sisters. we watched tv. resting. then i read and sleep.
i like peaceful living style. not too rush, busy but relaxing in balance. i know my schedule is quite patch.
like not much spare time at all. but if i could have a free morning or free afternoon, i would prefer
staying home alone, just for watching tv, cooking for myself, or.. just staying home resting alone.
i want peace and i like simple things. i always wanna meet my friends, but.. i actually dont really like
going out hanging around the busy places, coz the crowd makes me so tired. if i could choose, i would
like to go some palces less crowd, or just meet up for coffee. that's also why i like... Festival Walk or
Sha Tin. and actually i like to be alone at home. sometimes it's lonely but good to stay in peace.
then i can rest and relax.

anyway, talking with Rami yesterday, and i also think of myself.... about what i wanna do after grad.
honestly, there're so many things i wanna do, and uncertain. like.. i need to plan and i dont know..
like.... work hard and see how i lucky i am. nothing is easy at all. everything, every choices has its
limits, and i wont be sure how well i can do, or if i could ever be capable of. maybe the chances are
less. i dont know. i'm not too worried. but just... need to consider lots of things, and... now it's the time
to make up my mind. i hope that slowly i would see my road.. so that it could be a bit easlier for me.
i m confident that i would be fine. coz no matter what i do, i would really focus and do my best.
i m not stupid, and i know i can be great, so... i'm not too worried. yea... so actually, i shouldnt worry
too much. i just need to be patient, be smart, plan well and work hard. anyway, be passionate and
confident.




there're a few songs... i m listening to...

Always on Your Side- Sheryl Crow
My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be
TOO afraid to hear the WORDS I'd always FEARED
Leavin' you with all the questions all these years

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No, it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are we left to wonder, all alone, eternally
But is this how it's really meant to be?
no, this isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away,
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wandering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side?






Everything in It's Time - Corrine May

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it’s hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I’m two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I’m stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

cause maybe there’s another plan
One I still can’t see
A little surprise, like Your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

>>January 16, 2008 at 4:52:25 AM GMT+8

2008 年 1 月 13 日 星期日 【晴】

hey...

here's having problem again.
i wonder this site is not safe anymore, like... maybe oneday we will lose all the entries here.

anyway, yesterday, i rested. woke up late, had corn flakes, then watched tv,
i was alone, thanks. i like it. then i went to Sha Tin to join my family.
we went to Ikea, then i had hot dog there, not bad.
back home, then,... resting.... exercise..
i read book last night before sleep.

today... later, i would make pancakes. hummm.
one class to teach at 5 pm, back to school at 7pm.

by the way... it's been a few days not seeing Stephen on line.
dont know how he's doing..


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

12 19am,
back home.

hey... a few days ago, i still remember i dont have class tonight... but then... today i just didnt remember.
hummm... i ran to Prince Edward. ihave a class to teach.. but i didnt confirm it with that center.
then i rushed there, i was late, and they told me they forgot to tell me that's canceled.
then... i went to TST, checking out my text book. then i rushed to school..
then i arrived and saw Karen. Karen asked me why i came back to school.
i said i have class. she asked me, which class. i said.. humm Adulthood with Dr. Chan.
she said she had computer class. then i said yea, catch you up later, see ya.
i ran to my classroom, and i saw no body in or out. no notice on the door as well.
i came out, and i saw Karen again. then she asked... like... wasnt it your class canceled tonight?
she said i told her before. then OH YEA! my class was canceled! WTH i forgot about it !
hahaha then we laughed... and oh shit. i was running ard the whole day for nothing.
no teaching, no school as well. why the hell i am so rushy all day long huh?
and actually... my pancakes didnt taste nice. hummmm i will make them nicer next time.

hummm tonight... i stayed home, having dinner, relaxing myself..
giving a hot shower and some nice facial mask. then.. i watched MY FAV TV SEIERS,
" Nip Tuck" oh my god. it's ... undescrible.
it's really really fresh. the thing is.... i like the part that the psycho-therapist confronting Christian.
i cant believe that Christain and Sean are gay in the end. i knew Christain has problem, some kind of
sexual addiction.. thats also why i like the part he got confronted. it was good.
this season is gonna be so much interesting than ever. but so bad that i would have night classes
every Mon actually. just only tonight i could watch.

today... i'm okay. i m happy that i m okay =)
by the way, tmr... class really starts again.
morning class, with Prof Casey. he's back.
hummmmmmm... then at night, i would have a class to teach.


good night Cas. rest well.

>>January 14, 2008 at 4:47:09 PM GMT+8

2008 年 1 月 11 日 星期五 【晴】

hey..

today, just changed some information at Facebook, while i got free time at office.
today is not too busy. i actually just made a few sheets to do some studnet records.
and then, nothing much, following some classes and inquries. then,.... chatting with the parents,
kids and the teachers. the new teacher Chris was kind of funny. hummm how to say...
i dont know what he wants. maybe he's just acting cool, acting sweet. he came too early today.
nothing much, Ella is the same, May is funny. she told me her classes with the kids. and.. i laughed.

at night, before i left, i was very annoyed. i admit that i've been in bad mood these days.
very bad mood sometimes. i try to relax myself. and i realize where my stress come from.
then, nothing much... just... still feel angry. i'm disappointed. and... i dont know...

anyway, after work, met my fmaily, but then i went home first, i order my dinner to go, then...
i just ate at home. i told them i was not feeling well. then yea, back home resting and relaxing.
but when i sit down alone, then those anger and disappointing things just came out again.

school would start on Mon again. Mon evening, and Tue morning + afternoon.
i got two classes to teach before school and after school. busy.
i just bought some self rasing flour, vanilia esscent, and banana, i'm going to make pan cake on Mon.
maybe ... egg tart as well. maybe morning.. or .. lunch time after waking. ahhh i need to buy baking powder tmr.
hummm yea.. what am i going to do tomorrow? maybe..... exercise, resting, reading..
but mom said.. they will go to Sha Tin tomorrow. should i join? or just stay home resting?
actually Apple sms me.. she wanna confirm me the K-lunch tomorrow in Casueway Bay.
i dont really wanna go. i just... cant... go. i dont feel like to go anywhere.

we watched a lot of cantonese music ceremony on tv, i didnt know those songs were so pop here.
haha.. i wasnt so sensitive at these.. there're some nice songs actually. i quite like them.
but.... nowadays, i m too lazy to update songs. never mind.

yes. i m sad.
and i'm trying ... to accept my feelings.

>>January 12, 2008 at 5:48:53 PM GMT+8

2008 年 1 月 10 日 星期四 【晴】

hi.

i'm sad today.
i'm still okay. woke up, and worked.
got a call from Cap, thanks her. we talked for almost 40 mins. she's going back to US on Sun morning.
i will miss her lots. thanks for her call. it's nice to talk with her.
chatted with Queenie on line as well. it was fun seeing her writing Chinese on MSN.
Ella talked with me too. it's okay. thanks...

got time at office, not too busy... making coffee, reading the book.
this is a good book. also the sec time i read this book.

i started to wonder what kind of boundaries i set for myself.
where is my bottom line. i should have this idea since i was .... in high school.
how come i just threw it away, when did i start to explose my heart in the air, let it hanging outside?
ppl say... if you dont respect urself, dont expect anyone would respect you.
some ppl say... if you're not strong enough, ppl would bully you.
i think... i just used to be strong, and i dont know when i started to learn being soft.
maybe... after done with Jun Ming or Chris Hau. well Castor.. i guess you should stop thinking about
the past, especially these two guys are nothing big to you now. yea.. ocassionally, Jun Ming would
drop a mesg, or catching up with me. he's a good guy. Chris is fine too. didnt expect him actually knew
Nelson and they against each others. anyway, when my friend told me that... i gotta be strong,
i just dont know why the hell i'm so soft now. my personality really changes.
the castor had never let ppl bullied her. the castor won in a few debates. the castor was the vice-
president in the student union at school. she even fought with the presendent and the other committies
buy her. the castor was always representing school socializing with others.
back to now, Castor.... just...... is not as sociable, is a bit avoident about being a leader.
she's much more shy than before. i think i'm confident, but just not as strong. i guess the guys at
school didnt really like me. and i failed at last. okay. times up. stop revealing.

now i just wanna lay in bed do some reading, and have the good sleep.
i want to forget the problems i am worring about now. but i couldnt.
i'm angry actually. i'm disappointed. castor, you're not gonna lie to yourself, will you..
i guess.. not. i start to realize what i feel and what i want to speak for myself now.
i dont know how things would turn out to be. my partner is missing, he didnt reply me anything.
i would think maybe it's my problem causing no answers. but this time, i stop to find fault from me.
coz wait...
what did castor you do wrong? nothing.
you gotta be brave and be assertive about what you think and do.
some ppl might not appreciate this, but you know what you're doing. you should trust yourself.


i have a class with Richard. i worked from 11am till 9 sth pm.
it's okay. it was fun to teach him cantonese. Ella walked in after her classes done.
then she started giving pressure to him, asking lots of ques to see if he could handel them.
poor Richard. he could do some. i actually think he's doing not bad. for him, Cantonese is totally another
language from his world. so far, we're on syallabus on time, and still could cover some other words
outside the syallabus, which actually make Cantonese more easilier for him to understand, and useful
in the daily life. he increases interest in Cantonese, not as fear as the begining. i think it is very
good for him. i can see him learning not bad actually, and he should be proud of himself too. we both
laugh if he doesnt pronounce well enough. but it's okay. he enjoys the lesson. it's the best for students
to be happy enjoying the lessons when they pick up a new skill. however Ella is not patient. and she
s giving him a hard time to learn. she's a teacher, and she compares him with her students in front of
him. Richard refused to answer her questions in the end. i know they would be fine. but i just see that
why Richard doesnt wanna learn Chinese with Ella. Ella is a good teacher with kids. i can see how
many kids like her, and her kids are doing good usually. but... somehow.... i guess... students need
some more encouragement. as a teacher, i think... teaching is important, but not the most...
probably helping them to learn is the aim, helping them to.... search their best way to learn by themselves
before that, help them to develop knowledge. helping them to understand what's the strongest part
and the weakest part... helping them to explore bascially.
i dont know. i know in some ways would be difficult for Richard, so at the begining now, i would
pick the easier phrase for him to learn, and then... with some basic manner. i do explain them in details,
and let him choose. he has rights and he could choose what words he would want to use.
it's more flexible and fun, so that he would slowly understand more and speak better by undertsanding
more about Cantonese speaking culture. he would slowly develop his own way to communicate in
Cantonese, which is totally personalized by him too. i think it's pretty cool. coz i dont want to mode
him in shape right?

i dont know.... i'm going ot bed. i m gonna relax myself with my book..

>>January 11, 2008 at 5:23:09 PM GMT+8

2008 年 1 月 9 日 星期三 【晴】

hi.

i am not feeling very well. not as moody, but... dont know.
maybe i need some chocolate.

yesterday i went home at lunch. when i reached home, i wondered to call Ella for sick leave.
but then... i remembered we have an appointment with the person who would come checking the
emergency lights at office. so... i went back to the office..
after the checking, i just found the celling was almost collapsed at the store room.
not the real celling, but i mean the leaking made the celling puffy. i called the management to come
checking. it's the next store water problem. i was busy moving stuffs out from the store room,
then moving in again after fixing something. the air condtioning got problems as well, that means
i have to deal with the land lord. this time Ella said if he's rude again, she would directly speak to the
company or layer in stead. GREAT. i dont like speaking with him aswell.
then i just got the call from Leona last night that she would come on Wed morning...
the students and she are okay for Wed. damn... i dont wanna see her, and now she comes every
Wed morning. she's the one who was so rude to my Mendy, also the person who read our office
log book to check our teachers' number without permission. the one who also being so irresponsible
many many times. especailly after her sister Joey who i treated as friend lied about me to Ella, ...
i really dislike them and dont wanna see them.

anyway... i called to school... then now i gotta check lots of record stuffs. sigh.
and also i have discussed some issues with my honey. hummmm....
i guess.. it should be okay. i hope he could understand me. i hope i didnt add him stress.
but even if i did, i think it's normal and unavoidable.

i have been chatting with Queeine sometimes,.. i think she's having good time in the States.
haha. see her in HK soon. thanks for the sharing. she made me laugh.

i cant sleep well. i read some funny comics last night in bed, then i fell asleep. i know it's stress...
"Sin Jang" is the super funny Japanese cartoon. my sisters and i used to laugh a lot on this tv show.
but.... yea... i woke a few tiems. strange.

>>January 10, 2008 at 4:49:02 AM GMT+8