2007 年 7 月 10 日 星期二 【晴】

today i back to work.
hummmm busy for the whole day.
many phone calls to make, some notes preparation, i have my class, then daily adminstration work.
and then still got something not done.... and i've tried my best already...
i m still feelig sick. my throat, my nose, my head. hummm.
i didnt have time to take medicine, so yea.

today lunch time, i found a sense of joy.
although it was short, it's like releasing something bad inside the body?
not fart. but it's a kind of emotional release.
guess i have been really stressed and sad for a period of time already.
hummmmmmm yea.... slowly, i step out of this cloud of sadness.
but i feel like i'm in a war now, as in handling exams, assignment paper and work.
then, just focus on my study and work.
i guess by letting the sadness go, i'm loving myself more, and giving myself more respect and accertainty.
i am not dependant on anyone now, though interdependant on my family and friends.
at least now, i would consider myself more free than before.

anyway..
i wrote a note to remind myself on facebook.
here we go:

i'm so stressed. i'm thinking how i'm going to do the assignment paper. my make up mid-term
would be on monday too. i'm so excited and stressed. i m still reading and thinking, no draft yet.
i recently changed my topic, coz i was inspired by some article. i'm kindda worried now.
i plan to write the good essay, but seems like not enough time to do so. i m afraid that would be
like the last time, Abnormal Psychology. i wrote a good essay but then i screwed the mid term.
or say, this time i already screwed 20% off with my flu. the coming make up exam would be very
important. if i still aim at the A grade for my final result, i better prepare well.

Castor:
No matter what, keep going, dont look back.
Do the best, no regrets.

一定要堅持. 因為你知道方向是正確的.
You have to believe in yourself.
You need to be hopeful, coz you know you deserve it, and you would success.
Because, you're Castor, you know you can do it, and that's who you are.



then yea,
tomorrow i would have a meeting with Dr. Frazier. i would prepare a bit for it.
then i really need to start drafting my essay or keep on my revision for my make up mid term.
i wanna rest more, but i cant.


i miss ya,
i miss all of you.
wait for me.

>>July 11, 2007 at 4:31:14 PM GMT+8

2007 年 7 月 9 日 星期一 【晴】

i got my lap top back, but no MS Office... SUCKS..... !
i m so worried about my assignment paper now..... ='(
coz i dont have MS words.
OMG.


i slept late last night, studyed for my Issue Mid Term.
then... yea.. this morning resting and studying as well.
i got fever back when i woke up. sucks.
i felt dizzy.

then... resting and studying then i went to school.
before, i met Capella for a short coffee time.
i had apple juice. nice. long havent drank apple juice.
then yea... chated for awhile... then she sent to North Point.
i went back to class.

same same Jamie's class.
so "interesting" her jokes. no one laughs, except herself.
i'm sick of her jokes and stuffs.
i just read the book, jot my notes, then yea... still need to interact in the group discussion.
hummmmm today we talk about so many rules and definition in communication.
well. i wish i could get an A in this course. REALLY. not for proving anything.
but you know what. this course would be so important for me if i wanna get into the airliine.
she is trying to be a funny instructor i guess. but... i think her jokes and speech were quite low
quality? like... some words just shouldnt exist in the class. everytime i heard something new.
it's really FUNNY that why she could teach us.


then yea...
i got my result back. from last term =)
for Development Psychology (New born to Adolescent), i got an A =) heehee.
then for Abnormal Psychology, which i thought i screwed, i got a B =) heehee.
Congraduations to myself~ YAY Castor~~
hummm at least i dont have to be too worried.
i'm so happy =)
hummmm... for my A, there is only another guy got A. and i know he's Ben.
then for my B, there re a few ppl got A. but then i know... if i didnt screw the Mid term,
i would be able to get an A. and then of course i also didnt really prepare for my final.
so i guess it's my luck last time.

this term, i really gotta do harder!! =) to get 2 As 1 B.
that's my aim. of course i would liek to take 3 As.
but the point is.... i already missed the Mid term. so i couldnt get an A in this course.
anyway.. dont need to think for too long. just need to work hard on the moment now.

yea Castor wants to rest, coz she's so sick, but then.... she needs to do well on her study too...


Henry was so funny. i really dont understand what this guy's mind thinking.
Mr. A, hummmmmmm he's still waiting. when will he give up?
i talk with Stephen today. hmmmm...

i met Capella today =) i m so happy to see her again.
then.... hummmm.... she loves that earrings i bought her.
i m so happy to see her. but then... i dont know. we would need to wait for a very long time till next
time meeting again. hummmmm... sad.... but... it's good for her in her future career path.



want a happy song.
Unwritten- Natasha Bedingfield.




another song sharing:
Just So You Know- Jesse McCartney

I shouldn't love you but I want you
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

I shouldn't love you but I want you
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here

>>July 10, 2007 at 5:33:01 PM GMT+8

2007 年 7 月 8 日 星期日 【晴】

hi.

yesterday i was not online. i was totally dead in bed.
i got high fever, sore back and legs. headache and want to vomit.
i felt not well on Sat night, then Sun woke up planed to study for my midterm today.
then.... i went out have lunch with my family i felt very unwell.
after back home i had been sleeping, with high fever. it was so terrible.
i wanted vomit all the time but couldnt. i couldnt eat too. i took three pils.
i wanted to go to the hospital to get injection. so i could study last night. dad said no.

and then finally this early morning i found better. then... just went to seek a doctor..
and i missed my mid term.
and i didnt meet Capella today.
sigh. but i bought a gift for her, for her coming bday. she's leaving HK soon.
i dont know when i would be able to se her again.

then today, after lunch and medicine, i just watched tv for a while then slept.
i m very tired.
hmmm i missed my mid term and afternoon class. sounds so bad for me..
sigh, but i dont know. i cant control things like that.

Leggy, my sister, she bought me a pen, hahaha a firgue of Miss Universal.
i love it . =) thanks for the be lated bday gift.

then, i got the e-mail of reply for a meeting on Thursday with Dr. Frazier.
hummmm i better prepare for it.
but i think i really need to start writing my paper assignment, it would due on Monday.
hummmm then anotehr mid term on Tue night. see? that's super crazy.
and then... humm i m thinking next term i would only take 2 courses in stead.
but then it would be a bit late to grad. i planed to grad before April 08. hummmm.

anyway, i will staudy tonight.
and wait for my lap top back, then i could work on my assingment paper.
Castor... dont screw things, never.

>>July 9, 2007 at 11:54:57 AM GMT+8

2007 年 7 月 6 日 星期五 【晴】

hummm today was dam busy
yes at work.
and i got no time to study at office.


sigh.
i got a coffee and harsh brown for breakfast.
then, i started my busy work. loads of thigns to take care of. kids, roasters, notes, flyers design,
phone calls, tons of enquires, these and thattttt.... =S
and i was so pissed . coz... Ella was complaining to me again. but i think it was not my fault.
sigh. whatever. okay. i will try to do better so there wont be msitakes again.


yes. sigh
i m very stressed.
mid term is coming, and then work is busy.
hummmm.

i try to make myself happier, prettier, and stronger.
i repeat telling myself all the words.
last night i cried myself to sleep.
and then i wished myself a happy new day today.
i dont know why i keep crying. but i just know that is acceptable and understandable.
and slowly, i would know how to adjust all the stuffs with stress and sadness.
and slowly i would become stronger, still lovable and adorable.
i have to gain my respect back. i m not having nothing now. from letting the sadness go, i start to
learn loving myself more, and loving others more too. i find i gain my respect back.
i'm confident, i'm lovely, i m sweet, i m pretty and hot hahaha, i'm highly intelligent, i'm so loved by
so many ppl my family, my friends, my teachers, i'm so loved by God, i'm so proud of myself.
i'm hard working, i m so mother nature, i'm feminie, i'm smart and fast, i'm just so Castor. hahaha.
*Smile, give yourself a smile lovely Cas =)


Work hard Cas.
you need to do well on your mid-temr, ok?

>>July 9, 2007 at 12:03:22 PM GMT+8

2007 年 7 月 5 日 星期四 【晴】

hey.

i woke up at 1 pm. COOL. i got like 10 hrs sleep.

i woke up, then had lunch, and prepared to go.
i took the lap top to the store again, still got virus, hummmmmm gotta re-format the laptop.
and re-install anotehr kind of protection software. hummmzzzzz......

then i met Karen. haha.. she's CUTE. i would never forgot what happened to her today.
well well well, TAKE GOOD CARE please !
humm yea.. i shopped at ZARA. i bought one short and one t-shirt. cool.
then we went to Starbucks, same as before, having coffee time, chi-chat chi- chat.
well, before Starbucks, we,.... haha.
then okay, at Starbucks, WE MET Mr.CHAN!!! Chan Chi Chun !
OMG. it was very suprised !! well we talk for awhile. he's a good teacher.
i just love his teaching. i hope i oculd take his class again.

anyway, after coffee, i bought a doughnut with raspberry jam, and the pink grapefruit juice.
(for my dinner).
then we went abck to school.
the class was fine. i study alot, i mean i wote lots of notes.
in the group discussion, i just CANT stand their aggressive behavior toward a groupmate.
so i interupt their conversation, then... yea..
and then in the sec discussion, i just simply lead the discussion. i dont consider myself as the
leader in the group, but just help saving time, and saving some un-necessary "dragging points".
it was the waste of time, no contribution at all.
anyway, it was very effective and productive. that's what i like, everything is fast, straight to the point.
and i kndda appreciate one of our groupmate. i used to.... not agree to his agressiveness,
but then i found that his organization of speech is quite good. well, i gues my public speech is not
that good, i'm very nervous.
anyway... it was okay. and the class was quite nice. and i like Karen this buddy. hummm =)
thanks her so much. always be there with me =)

then.. on the way back home, on train, i was tearing up. i think of Stephen, i think of my friends.
i thought of Ade, Cyn, Cap, Lousia... i really miss them, i really want the hugs from them.
like... i really miss the time there. and i know Cap is going over the States for a few years.
Ade and Cyn would leave Van. so... i feel very bad.
and then i thought of Stephen as well. i really dont know. i'm so confused.
and then Mr. A is not giving up. Henry called me recently. Henry is like... very fishy to me,
and i dont likethat feeligns, it's kinda strange. coz.. i guess we were already done,
by the time he sms me 1 year ago? like... that's what he chose. and... i dont want to hurt his gilfriend.
could he jus tchange his attiude toward me? dont be so warm and stuffs.
it's like... it's not approperate anymore. we are not that kind of relationship anymore.
it's all over bt THAT TIME with his SMS. it was the BIGGEST INSULT in my life.

for Mr. A. i've explaint many times. whatever it is. hes not listening.


anyway...
i will give myself time.
really. i do need some time for myself.


and... i will study hard and work hard too.
as i promise myself. i would respect myself, learn to love myself before loving the surrounding.
whatever i do, i wouldnt make myself regret, and i would love and take care of myself.
Ade was right. i'm really afraid of regret. but what should i regret for?
i'm just too afraid. but i guess i should cope with that. what Ade said really made me think.
and yea. i just need some time. i'm so sacred.
but i know =) i will be fine someday. and i will shine.

>>July 9, 2007 at 12:01:26 PM GMT+8

2007 年 7 月 4 日 星期三 【晴】

hi.

hummmm it was the busy day again.
i worked ,... very busy. sometimes i'm just a bit.... angry.
but okay.

yea.
i called Ade, then i also talked with Louisa. =)
thanks girls. Ade told me something that... really made me feeling bad, but i thought about what she said.

i dont know, or maybe she's right that i'm just afriad. afraid to regret.
i'm just afriad of ... hearign something i dont want to know. afraid of something i dont want to accept.
i'm so scared. coz.... it sounds like... i believe in the wrong thing, wrong person.
and everything like the gift to me was actually something un-real. i was living in the fantacies.
the hopes, the happiness, the love was all faked. was that true or un-true?
if it was true, thne can anyone explain to me why thigns turn out like now?
if it was not true, then can anyone tell me why things seem so real and true?
i'm so confused. am i just a fool ?


fine.

Emre talked to me today. he was like not showing up for a period of time.
he showed up and talk with me. he has a girlfriend now. good for him.
he's in love now. he's the sweet guy i liked, not the relationship thing.
but he was really there for me during my hard time in the break up.
he was like... accompany me studying the whole night. he was always stealing my attentions.
he's so cute. he's so sweet. but now, he's someone's boyfriend =)
and he is in troubles with her. omg. he's like my brother now. hummmm i try to... you know..
being there for him now. i mean helping him out from missing his long distance girlfriend.
andthat makes me... understand... what guys would do and feel when they're in love.
just generally. he's still like a baby boy. everythign is so passionate for him. i give my concern on him
now. coz.. i dont know. i dont want him heart broken. i wish him happy with her.
well. who knows.


then, Mr. A hummmm... i dont know. i dont need to know how sincere he is to me now.
coz.. no matter what, i just have the poor judgement. he talks about sincerity to me.
he shows his concerns. he shows me how crazy he is with me. but what does that mean to me?
nothing at all. and the guy i love just broke my heart. how rediculious is it ?!!!
how can i be strong standing in these big fucked up mess?

yes, i pretend everything is okay. even when i speak to Stephen, i think it's alright.
but, what i'm seeing now, is telling me that... we are not doing the right thing to start over.
or i really think what start over means... might be just re-start our relationship from strangers.
perhaps he doesnt like me at all ? whatever it is.
i dont know where i stand now. i still love that man, but i feel like heading no where.
and everything just was like what my friends predicted. and they said i didnt choose to believe them.
they felt bad for me not coz i choose not to believe them, but the thing is i got hurt after all.
they're worried for me. Ade understands me!
i feel so bad. not coz i regret loving him. but i still love him but i dont know what the hell we are now.
i really dont understand... maybe i should just let go and move on, but i believe in him still.
please get out of my mind...
well, however, like what he said... he always expect ppl would stop loving him oneday.
i dont want to, he just makes me to??
i dont know if i should tell him all these. does he need to know? maybe not.


and for Mr. A. i dont want to trust him. it's not good anyway. i dont want to fall in love with him.
and someday he would pop up saying hey Castor, i'm in love with some girl now.
nevermind. dont talk about sincerity with me.


Ade, Cyn, Cap, Lousia, Alesja, Kianna, Jackie, Karen, Ella, Queenie, Shan, Rami, and many many other friends,
i really really wish you all happy. i love you all friends.
Cyn, Ade, Cap, Lousia, i do understand. i just dont know... it's all messed up. i m so confused.
i just wish that oneday when i woke up, my pain is off. i dont need to deal with all these.



maybe i'm just too emotional now.

i need to prepare for my tomorrow class, and study for my coming mid-term.
so tensed. bit stressed.




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Article Sharing:

A Bite of Chocolate a Day May Keep Blood Pressure at Bay
July 3, 2007 08:40:42 PM PST
By Serena Gordon
HealthDay Reporter





Yahoo! Health: Children's Health News

TUESDAY, July 3 (HealthDay News) -- Chocolate lovers can rejoice again: More research has found that the antioxidants in dark chocolate can help slightly lower blood pressure.

But the good news comes with a caveat -- the chocolate portions have to be limited to 30 calories a day, which works out to slightly more than one Hershey's Kiss.

Such small amounts of the flavanol-rich cocoa found in dark chocolate "may be a promising behavioral approach to lower blood pressure in individuals with above-optimal blood pressure," the German researchers reported in their study.

Unlimited quantities of chocolate won't work, they added, because "the potential blood pressure reduction contributed by the flavanols could be offset by the high sugar, fat and calorie intake with the cocoa products."

The current study, published in the July 4 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association, included 44 adults between the ages of 56 and 73 who either had blood pressure levels in the upper range of normal (considered prehypertension) or they had stage 1 high blood pressure.

None of the study volunteers had other risk factors for heart disease, which means they weren't overweight, didn't smoke, didn't have diabetes or high cholesterol or kidney disease. Additionally, the study participants didn't take additional vitamins or supplements, and the only cocoa-containing products they consumed during the study period were those provided by the researchers.

For 18 weeks, half of the group was asked to consume 30 calories a day of dark chocolate containing polyphenols (a type of antioxidant), while the other half was given 30 calories a day of white chocolate, which has nearly all of the same ingredients as the dark chocolate but no polyphenols.

By the end of the study, the average systolic blood pressure (the top number, which measures the force of blood coming from the heart) dropped by 2.9 mm Hg and the average diastolic blood pressure (the bottom number, which measures the force of blood returning to the heart) dropped by 1.9 mm Hg in the dark chocolate group. There was no change in blood pressure for the white chocolate group.

"Although the magnitude of the BP reduction was small, the effects are clinically noteworthy. On a population basis, it has been estimated that a 3-mm/Hg reduction in systolic BP would reduce the relative risk of stroke mortality by 8 percent, of coronary artery disease mortality by 5 percent, and of all-cause mortality by 4 percent," the authors reported in a prepared statement.

The research was led by Dr. Dirk Taubert, of University Hospital of Cologne, who has done previous research on the effects of cocoa on high blood pressure.

The authors suspect that dark chocolate may increase levels of nitric oxide, a compound that helps to relax and open the blood vessels.

An American nutrition expert found the results promising.

"If you're someone with marginal high blood pressure, and if you eat chocolate anyway, switching to a small piece of dark chocolate daily may give you some benefit. It lowered the upper number about 3 points," said Jo Ann Carson, a professor of clinical nutrition at University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas.

Carson recommended looking for dark chocolate that has cocoa content higher than 50 percent. She also pointed out that people who are sensitive to caffeine's effects should be careful about consuming dark chocolate, because the caffeine content is higher than in milk chocolate.

"Dark chocolate doesn't give you as much caffeine as a cup of coffee, but if you start eating it in the evening, you might notice the caffeine," she said.

Additionally, if you have underlying health problems, this study's results probably don't apply to you, according to nutritionist Angela Kurtz, from New York University Medical Center.

"This study was designed to look at the effects of chocolate in individuals who didn't have severe hypertension or other medical problems, and they weren't overweight. If you're diabetic or you have kidney disease, you cannot add chocolate to your diet," she said.

"Moderation is the key. As long as you can have good control of your eating habits, and you can balance chocolate consumption with physical activity to offset the calories, then you can enjoy it," Kurtz added.

But she also cautioned that "chocolate is not a magic bullet but is one little tool for people who are relatively healthy."

More information

The American Heart Association details a previous study on the benefits of dark chocolate for blood pressure.

>>July 5, 2007 at 4:26:50 PM GMT+8

2007 年 7 月 3 日 星期二 【晴】

i dont have a very good sleep last night.
very sleepy when i woke up.
i dreamt.

then.... relectently back to work. ha... then had been busy for the whole day.
lots of stuffs to do. ordering books, faxing things, making calls, lots and lots of calculation,
i had my class, recording things... blah blah blah... do application with British Council.
running to here and there to pay bills for office. sick. not only for office. i actually help Ella paying
her house rental. very busy.

Alex cried in the class. he was naughty, but then he cried.
he's a baby boy. anyway... it was fine.


yea. pretty tired.
i brought my books, my notes, but i didnt have time to study at the office.

but i had a nice lunch time with my family today =) thanks.
and thanks Cyn =) she's so sweet to me.
i think i understand. i just dont know.. i m so confused.

anyway... yea.. i think i need to sleep early tonight.
and... hummmm... . . ... .nothing.
i dont know. well.. i hope tomorrow would be anotehr sunny day =)
i wish myself happy tomorrow then.

>>July 4, 2007 at 3:38:34 PM GMT+8

2007 年 7 月 2 日 星期一 【晴】

Dont ask what happened.
i only know what i'm going through now.


hummm busy working the whole day. really a whole day.
lots of thigns to catch up and prepare. hummm Ella is okay.. but i think..... it's not quite okay.
i just need to re-adjust myself back to the workplace. really work. slack time is off =)

then i rushed to school to my night class. Jamie... sigh. okay, nevermind, as long as i still need to
get my course pass by her hand, i need to do well in the class. WELL, i mean DO WELL.
today's topic is quite interesting, but i had been wondering what i the course is taught by some
nice professor, that it would be 100% great. she's just so so.
but never mind. i can read the book by myself.
it was early dismiss, so i rushed back to home watching PRISON BREAK !!!!
=) hee. finally.

then, yea.. had dinner late, then resting, then on line chatting and doing facebook.
hummm i changed something there, =) i wish my friends would go take the test!!!
i think no one could get more than 70%. coz it's a bit... heehee. tricky.
but yea, it's a Cass Super Test that all my frineds should try a bit ! =P

hummmmmmmm then yea....
Henry has been chatting with me, he called and smsed me sometimes. but then... he asked for the
password here, andi rejected. actually i'm not giving my password to anyone anymore i guess.
even i give, i dont know, maybe my frineds dont come here, that makes me more comfortable,
but then in the wasy saying like if my close friends wanna know how i ve been or dont have time
to catch up with me, then they're always welcome to view something here.
coz ... the most private things i'm not disclosing in the air right? so yea.
i've been learning to do better on protecting otehrs privacy as well =)

then,.... Mr. A hummmmmmmmm i dont want him trying so hard ?
coz.. i dont know.. i just dont know. well, i feel good to have a buddy like him, but...
i'm thinking... if he's paying too much for me, then i'm not contributing to his hope, then...
i'm kindda used to his good to me, then i would feel very bad. coz if i wanna be selfish, i could keep
him, if i dont wanna be selfish, then i would be sad to block him away. but the point is..
human nature tells me that... according to... haha.. the revolutionary psychology, human nature
needs to survive, and sometime they could be very selfish, it's our need. see? it's really hard to
balance. what's my value? Cas, where is your balance point? i dont know. i ve told him directly
almost everyday. but then i'm still being nice with him, sometimes not, sometimes i' m very
bitchy to him... anyway.. he accepts every forms of me. hummmm that's scary...hummm it's risky...
coz it means i could take advantage on him, which i dont plan to do so. but then it s tempting me
like... i could be a bad girl but am i going to be like it? no..

good girl gone bad. hummmmmzzzzz...


i cried on the bus and train.
but i 'm learning to cope with that....
yes.


we shouldnt expect us always being strong, or trying our best everytime, etc..
i'm just NOT PERFECT.
if you love me, you would love me, and cherrish me.
if you dont love me, no matter what i do, you wouldnt give a shit on me with your real passionate heart.
i think it's true. any other versions?
yea, lots of resons though, hummmmmmmmm but i'm not thinking of them unless ppl tell me explain me.

i cry, coz i'm sad.
i smile and laugh coz i 'm happy.
i miss someone, coz i really miss someone.... True..
i do nothing, coz there's nothing i can do, or lazy to do.

i gotta go back to my busy life. just start from today.
i've such the crappy rough and tight schedule again.

i have my days here to go, i have someone in my heart still, there's nothing much i can do by my own.
i'm not going to think too much that i promise myself, so that i could focus on my stuffs and wont
regret for aything in the future. if he comes back, he would come back. if he doesnt want to,
he just wouldnt, and i cant do anything with that too. Castor, you need to promise yourself,
no matter what, you would always respect yourself, and give the basic love to yourself before loving
your surroundings.

>>July 3, 2007 at 6:54:04 PM GMT+8

2007 年 7 月 1 日 星期日 【晴】

today, i woke up ard 12 ?
Sheila called me.
hummm yea... we hang out today, with aunt as well.
it was not bad.
actually... we had dim sum today at Tsim Sha Tsui, then we walked around.
there was a small shopping mall, selling all Japanese(sorts of) and Western Fashion stuffs,
it was quite nice. yea we spent a few hrs there.
then... i back home with my lap top =)
it's back ! it's alright now =) YEAH~


then back home resting, having dinner.
last night i slept at 4 sth am. i watched the movie on I Cable chanel.
it s "The Last Castle". it's really great. i quite like this movie.
it's not very relaistic though, but i love the meaning behind the movie,
and some sentences, words the ppl say there is quite meaningful.


hummmm...
tomorrow need to work and have class at night.
sigh..... i dont know..
i think Ella might be still very angry at me. and i dont know what i should do.
it's like i'm not quite ready to be back to work. i think i have some problems with myself.
i dont want to work. i just want to rest. maybe i'm just lazy ? or it's a sign that i need to find
the better job for myslef? coz its like i ve lost my motivation on my work already.
i m so sorry for that. i dont dislike Ella or dislike my job, i'm just... bored with my job already.
it's not challenging anymore. i would think i need a job which is not too busy, so i could study.
but then... the job consumes too much time of my days, but the salary is not very good.
but my job is kind of easy and boring and long hrs consuming, so i cant ask for too much.
sigh. i dont know. i need to re adjust myself i guess. should i talk with her about that?


by the way...
hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
i heard from aunt today about her marriage problems. actually it's been bothering her for 7 years.
i think it's very tiring and confusing for her. i cannot do anything for her of course,
and it makes me wonder myself. i just think relationship stuffs bother me too much too.
i cant deny on it, and i cant help with that. sigh. see? what should i do?
i'm also lost. Castor, go live your life.
maybe sometimes.... what you think is true, but there's also something you cant see and you wont see.
then you would never know if someday you're going ot discover them or not.
i guess... now... i'm not in contact with him, and the only thing i should and could do is to live my life
well. not to avoid my feelings, but just face it as something i couldnt handel by myself anymore.
and it never should be by myself anyway. just give in some more time. a few weeks to see what to do
next. i think... i ve done all i could do. i need to... lead my life not letting others do that for me.
coz.. i m compatable, coz i m suvival as an individual. i want to count on the guy, my guy,
but the one 's not right next to me, right ? so... yea Cas, dont worry, just live your life, love yourself, ya ?
hummmm....



Article Sharing:
Cheating: Shameless Excuse Or Viable Option?
29/06/2007 3:11:40 PM

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Is it ever okay to cheat in a relationship?


Natasha Leitao


Numerous research studies indicate that cheating is very common. To state the actual numbers would
be misleading, since 1) statistics vary greatly depending on the research conducted and the sample
group and 2) I am confident the numbers are higher than those published as there are several
individuals who will not admit to cheating (call them cheating cheaters, if you may).


The concept of infidelity is a complicated one. Its historical roots can be traced to biblical times, when
many a person either engaged in an extra-marital affair or took a concubine. The issue is literally as old
as the times. Evidently, it is also one that does not promise to extinguish itself anytime soon. The topic
of cheating can spark an endless debate with no resolution. However, it still presents that nagging
question: is cheating ever sanctioned?

Not Easily Labeled

The definition of cheating varies greatly from person to person. One woman’s kiss is another
woman’s intercourse. There are those who believe cheating doesn’t count if you’re not in love
or haven’t mutually defined yourselves as a serious, steady couple. Yet, others
believe “emotional” cheating is just as vivid and painful as the physical type. Regardless of its
broad meaning, cheating is usually universally recognized by its capacity to destroy a relationship.


Contextual Variables

In differentiating between the sexes in terms of infidelity, several theorists have argued that men
cheat purely for physical reasons, while women cheat for emotional ones. Whether this is true
warrants a completely separate article, but I am aware of women and men who have cheated for
these reasons, as well as for the exact opposite reasons.


Many instances of cheating I have knowledge of have begun with the “excuse.” The “excuse”
is the justification of a cheater’s actions. For example, many claim that “he/she puts his/her job
before me; I never see him/her, and we never spend any quality time together.” Or “I’ve tried
breaking up with him/her, but the situation just gets upsetting.” Or “We have children/a cat/a house
together, but we’re not happy.”

While these are all valid complaints in their own right, I do not believe any of them are strong enough to
support infidelity. If you don’t spend enough time together, there is obviously a communication
problem and you need to sort it out or end it. If you’ve created or bought something significant
together, then you need to try harder to make it work or finish it. If you are making a concerted effort to
end the relationship while the other person manages to “back out” every time, you simply need to
be stronger and just cut the ties.

Cheating should never be an excuse for a bad relationship. All relationships are hard and we get lazy
at times. You need to work at it the same way you would work at anything in life.

Considering a Cheater

“Once a cheater, always a cheater.” I think this is a horribly demeaning phrase. People make
mistakes and if they are aware of this mistake and repent, then there is no need for them to be treated
as criminals. If you are considering or are already dating someone who has confessed to cheating in
a previous relationship, you should explore the topic with him or her. If that person was aware they
made a huge mistake and states that they would never do it again, then proceed with faith in that
person. However, if you discover your partner is defensive and tries to justify why he or she did it,
tread with caution.

This brings us to another situation: the guy or girl who is cheating on their partner with YOU. The
happy ending to this story is one I believe only exists in fairy tales. Think carefully about this; if you are
with someone who is cheating on his or her partner, what would he or she be like if you then became
a couple? Would you truly be happy together or would you be filled with mistrust and question your
partner’s every move? Good relationships need to be built on a solid foundation of honesty and open
communication. Relationships that begin steeped in deceit will be rocky at best.


Bad Timing

You’re in a less-than-great relationship and you meet someone who is amazing. The two of you
click, are seemingly compatible and have an uncanny connection. You are tempted to be with that
person, because you feel that you are meant to be. We all know that the right thing to do is end the
relationship with your current partner before pursuing anything with your newfound love. It’s also
prudent to remember that when we are in unhappy situations, our sense of positive experiences is
heightened. It’s not to say happiness is an illusion, it’s just to warn you to be realistic when
you’re in a vulnerable situation.

______________________________________
to cheat or not to cheat?

Cheating is tempting at many stages of life. Whether it be on a test, a diet or in a relationship, it is still
important to do the right thing. We all become frustrated and feel unloved or neglected at times.
However, that doesn’t mean our value system has to sink with our feelings. Cheating is a quick fix –
be it a forbidden kiss or more, it may make us feel good temporarily, but in the end, it’s just not worth
it. The hardest part about cheating sometimes is not necessarily having our partner forgive us, but
being able to forgive ourselves.


Natasha Leitao is an Ontario writer and Consultant with two degrees in Psychology. Her interests
include patio-dwelling, statistical analysis and of course, dating.

>>July 2, 2007 at 3:08:19 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 30 日 星期六 【晴】

Hummm today is the 10th anniversary of our return to China.
hummm i dont find anything special. i just think it's another holiday i gotta thanks China for.
haha. i love my country anyway. we do have s many special things weird things in our country.
how to say? like.. Hong Kong is always special in its own way.
Hong Kong ppl, we're cinese, we have lots of similarities in the cultural way.
like, we love chinese food, we are basicaly chinese of course, we 're in the same time zone,
we are... sharing lots of same custums, traditional things to do, values, the way we see things?
just we're all chinese. but in a way different, like.. that... we.... are influenced by the british cultrue,
or western culture alot. our building, our food culture, our out look.
so many many things are imported, not from our own. we dont really like being called "China ppl"
i guess? coz.. we're really from "China". i mean it's very confused and complicated.
and everyday in the past and now, we're all firguring out who we are.
like... we know we're chinese, and we're not changing it. but somehow after the return,
there're lots of changes that from the Gov level, and like our society is changing.
hummmmm i like them, i welcome them. i'm happy to be back to China. but.. the way we live seems
a bit different from before. we were so special, we were the special city, very powerful one in
Asia. but then now it's like... we're no longer that special. coz... that's like... there're many things
we re kindda being leaded by China? but the ting is.... the conflicts are much more than before,
but it seems doesnt really help us? our development are kindda blocked sometimes?
i dont really concern on news or any political things anymore. it just like a show perhaps?
and i dont vote. everytime i vote, i vote for .... "a give up vote".
i'm so bad =) i'm a bad citizen =) i love HK, but in a way i dont know what the hell HK is doing these days.
but, if anyone is trying to take HK down, i will fight. coz it's my hometown, it's my place.
i love this place. i would protect my city here. that's the only thing i can do.


then... i slept ard 3 am... woke at 12 30...
hummm not very good sleep. not enough.
then woke up and had lunch outside with my family. hummm i took my lap top to de-bug.
YES, VIRUS. haha... sigh... i cant use my lap top for at least 2 days.
i wish it back soon....

then back home sleeping. i'm just so lack of sleep. so terrible.
then.. slept from 4 30 till 8 30. well, time for America Next Top Model.
great. it's so beautiful. hummm then had dinner. and resting.. on line...
yea.
i adopted a pet, called BoobooCas there. hahahaha so cute.
i think i'm kindda lonely, and i want a pet. but then... you know Castor is not a very .... good pet keeper?
haha no.. i mean.. i am a very responsible for a living life. i'm not that easy to keep pet.
coz.. i know like.. once i have a pet, i would need to give lots and lots of time for it, take care of it very well.
and then i have to make sure it well. it would be like my baby. and... it donesnt live for that long?
when it dies.... i would be REALLY VERY UPSET. and i couldnt take it.
if i did anything wrong with it, i woulld be feeling very bad. i avoid it actually.
i rather having the on-line pet. i did one before, the Neo Pet. i wasnt really good at it,
i was very busy all the time, i didnt have time to play with it. then it dead. i kept that pic on my msn
profile on website (not the one in msn ppl see). yea.

and then.... hummm...
sometimes i would wonder where my relationship is leading now.
it's kindda confusing. it a bit complicated. is it about the time or it's about me or about him?
or nothing about that. just... not at this moment? i try to put it aside to live my own life.
i try to enjoy my own life here. maybe i just dont need anyone.
i wanna go to NewZealand again. maybe after Grad. i would like to go back there.
6 years ago i went there? yea 6 years ago. i want to go back there.
and i want to go to the States. i wanna see the world. the world is so big.
hummmmmmm.... i might meet the new romance there =) haha.
to open my heart, there's no one can help, expect myself.

if he or he or he or he or he doesnt love me, doesnt know how to be with me, doesnt want me,
doesnt appreciate me, it doesnt matter. coz... i would always need to know how to live by myself.
i would always experience these kinds of things till the right one is doing the right thing in my life.
i' m waiting.
yes. it's really hard to understand, and it's really hard to .... see thigns ending, but....
to adapt and to accept... that's all i can do.
if you're coming back, i would be fine. if you're not coming back, i would be missing you but...
i dont know.


When You''re Gone, The Pieces of My Heart are Missing you, I Miss You.
When You Walk Away, I Count the Steps that You Take.
Everything that I Do, Reminds Me of You.
When you're Gone, So Many Thigns are Missing.
Yes, You, Stephen.

='(

>>July 1, 2007 at 3:49:42 PM GMT+8