2007 年 5 月 18 日 星期五 【晴】

May 18.

hummm actually now is May 19, 1:35 am.
i'm exhausted..
sooooo busy today... organizing things, very pissed off at times, then rested a bit, kept busy..
then... yea.. busy till 7 30.. then resting and tidying up again.

after that, i went to Ella's home. i rest for awhile. i fell asleep.
then... went to the supermarket with her. we shopped for tomorrow small party.
yea, we're having a small party tomorrow.
so, Mandy and i were at Ella's home tonight eating dinner together and making food for tomorrow.
humm richard's cooking tonight hahaha. nice. thanks.
then.. i was so full and helping on making food.

tomorow... should be nice. and yea.. i'm so tired.

sometimes i feel like... i'm more okay now. i calm down alot already..
i think i'm more mature than before, as in office work or on my studies, which is good,
but saying im getting old ha ha..
sometimes, when i miss him, i would wonder if i should let him know.
is that happy or nothing special? if everything is just not special, then i really dont understand why.
shouldnt life be special for everyone? if you put someone or something in your heart, on your mind,
isnt that the beautiful thing? at least something that make your life a bit more speical for you?
humm... think about that... what is your "special thing" make you proud of yourself? =P
Cas.... you gotta sleep now, stopp blogging plz.

alright.
see you .

>>May 18, 2007 at 5:45:36 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 16 日 星期三 【晴】

May 17, 2 am.

sleeping z..z.ZZ

tomorrow need to continoue with the translation, Cas... You Have To Wake Up, ok? =)

anywya, just now during translating things, chated with Rami for a short while.
thanks, now i understand more. wish him doing well in Egypt.

i wish... honey is fine, and faster done his busy work, so that he could rest and relax more.

anyway... i would live well, coz.. i'm just learning what life actually is. i should enjoy my life.
i just want to.

good night Cas, see you tomorrow morning.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

May 18, 2:17 am.

this morning.. i woke up, and my own home-made breakfast =P
then started translating stuffs... i was late to the office, the trans not done yet...
then... waited for Ella. Mandy was there already.. then we started moving.
yup, we're finally moving today.
i would really miss the old place, but... the nice place is great.
i have so many memorries in the old place.
i rememeber everything. so many thigns are very unforgetable. haha including my interview.
my first week there, my 7 poster designs, our chrsitmas camp, our other other small fun stories with
the kids, Alex was super naughty, we had a fridge, we had so many new stuffs in... etc..
and... one night, i was crying for help at my classroom... i was not able to leave office when mom
was scolding me on phone about my Vancouver trip. then i called honey and cried... ha..
now i'm back from there, then we're moving to a new place aswell.

today was quite busy but fun. i helped so much. it's been soooo long havent tried this kind of funny
things. some cleaning, packing, un-packing, organizing things, shopping, haha. it's like...
i'm one of the people who's making the place. and i did contribute alot i guess. ha.
anyway... so messy still... need to put thigns back..
and then... we will have a small party on Sat afternoon. we need to make some food and then
gotta decorate the office a bit. huummmmm.
but ... i am a bit scared, coz those crazy men seem would come over. i saw a few of them aldy.
actually, after some classes at school about abnormal behavior.... i think next time if i see something
terrible like they might hurt me or my surrounding, i would call 999 imediately. coz it's very DANGEROUS.

hummm the new reception is not good at the moment. i need to fix many things.
hummmmm
then today Alex and Mandy were so naughty again. but fine, i was very strict to them actually.
and then yea.. they still oculd finish all the work before leaving.

yesterday, Nelson spoke to me.
hummmmmmmmm.... strange..... he asked me like... if i would go over England in summer.
i asked him why. he said it would be good if he always has me in his empty house in the summer.
i was like.... huh? i think he's just very lonely? he should have some friends to hang out with though.
i'm not that close with him i guess... so i feel a bit strange... and wonder if his fight with Chris over yet.
it's not really my business, but sometimes i just find Nelson a bit weird in the way he's acting to me.
sometimes.. it's kind of fishy, but he didnt go directly, so i dont know what he actually means.
maybe.. i'm too sensitive. anyway, he wouldnt know what i feel or write here. it should be alright.


then....
tomorrow i would be busy again... yea working.. need to wake up very early actually to get my
translation work done. then back to office busy working, taking care of stuffs, then...
at night would go over Ella's new home ot make food for Sat party. then Sun is Dad's BDay =)
hummm i think i would stay home tidying up places and studying after tutorial class with Ricky.


recently, i found that i have lost lots of time with my family and for my study too.
i dont have much time to prepare for my study that makes me kinda of sad and stressed.
then i dont really spend time with my fmaily as well. i miss the time we could hang out together.
then i know mom loves me so much. she always try to help me on so many small things.
sometimes i find her annoying, but i love mommy. i love ma ma, haha.
dont tell her.
yea i m just very lucky to have my good parents, good family. i wish i could spend more time with them.

and then... i wish.. i really wish that i could give more time for everything, and be patient with the time.
be patient with the ppl i love, be patient doing preparation for future, be patient with myself.
i wish... i hope... the ppl undertsand how to appreciate and treasure what we have in our hearts.
no matter is the lover, is family or a job or whatever, just appreciate at what you have and keep the
faith and passion with that.


by the way, thanks for Alesja's e-mail =)
thanks for Stephaine adding me from the facebook too ! =P




wish everythign would be fine soon.


a nice song's video...
Makes Me Wonder- Maroon 5.



>>May 17, 2007 at 6:51:26 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 15 日 星期二 【晴】

May 16.

hummm we're finally moving tomorrow.
so... might need to be back earlier.
then... tonight, i need to do some translation. honestly, I REALLY DONT WANT to do this.
my chinese typing is getting slower... then still need to think about the Chiense grammar stuffs.

i was so sleepy. i was late. then... not so busy in the morning, then... afternoon, i had a class
with Alex and Mandy. it was tiring but fun. Alex is getting very big improvement. i'm so happy.
he sems enjoying the class now. he starts asking more questions and asking for more work.
then Mandy.. she's getting improved as well.
sometimes there're some problems between them. they always want to get my attention,
then they would always complain each others and try to tease each others. then... Mandy is the only
child, she's a bit... weird in a way she's very considerate, but at the same time could be very
jealous easily. and then she 's very ego. but it's just really normal at her age.
somehow it's kindda complicated. coz i understand Alex as well. he's very normal in his age too.
so... hummmmm sometimes i'm more like a mom to them, always teaching them reminding them,
besides studies. but now is nice, coz i take control in the class now.

i got.... facebook mesgs from Queenie today.
hummmmmm........ hummmmm.......

by the way,
i read my book today... not text book, but Reader's Digest.
then it said..."Luck is about being prepared for opportunutues than come knocking."--Taryn Rose.
she also said... "i accepted that it's ok to say ' i failed but i tried.' "
then.. Queenie also shared me some encouraging sentences. thanks.

i woke up with the bad mood today..
wishing tomorrow would be fine.


lately, i really like this song. i'm waiting for this CD launching now.
i love the melody, i love their voice. and i m kind of attracted by the lyrics.

Artist: Maroon 5
Album: It Won't Be Soon Before Long
Title: Makes Me Wonder


[Verse]
I wake up with blood-shot eyes
Struggled to memorize
The way it felt between your thighs
Pleasure that made you cry
Feels so good to be bad
Not worth the aftermath, after that
After that
Try to get you back

[Bridge]
I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a f**k about you

[Chorus]
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you
Anymore, Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try
(Yeah)
So this is goodbye

[Verse]
God damn, my spinning head
Decisions that made my bed
Now I must lay in it
And deal with things I left unsaid
I want to dive into you
Forget what you're going through
I get behind, make your move
Forget about the truth

[Bridge]
I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a f**k about you

[Chorus 1 + 2]
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you
Anymore, Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try (yeah)
And you told me how you're feeling
But I don't believe it's true
Anymore, Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
(Oh no)
So this is goodbye

[Breakdown]
I've been here before
One day a week
And it won't hurt anymore
You caught me in a lie
I have no alibi
The words you say don't have a meaning
Cause..

[Bridge]
I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a f**k about you and I...
and so this is goodbye

[Chorus 1 + 2]
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you,
Anymore, Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try
And you told me how you're feeling
But I don't believe it's true
Anymore Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
(Oh no)
So this is goodbye
So this is goodbye, yeah (x 3)
(Oh no)

>>May 16, 2007 at 6:07:14 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 14 日 星期一 【晴】

hummm

i over slept this morning.. i was 20 mins late to class..
thanks my dad driving me to the station these two days.. hee.

then had class... very tired, but fine. had lots of fun today.
the morning class was a bit.... boring.. i hardly focus on the video... i gave up taking notes.
but today, during class, i tried to make notes for myself imediately in stead of just listening and reading.
i think it's much better for me. nice.

then... we have been through lots of information of different kinds of... personality disorders
and mood disorders. hummm we studyed about DSM IV... very confusing sometimes.
i just wonder... where to put the symptoms to... Axis I or II. but there're still so many i havent known...
so yea... psychology is actually a very "long" study. hummmmmmm.

i got a small chat time with Karen again, we had lunch together. humm then... at the lab after lunch,
i have chated with Queenie and on phone with Cap ! yea! Cap is back !!!
wow, i was very happy to see her tonight !

we met at... Causeway Bay. hummmm we walked ard and ate alot. i was so full.
i told her... with her i always eat. haha. yea, and i had donut today, from Krispy Kream...
hummmm i ate Maple Glazed. nice =P but i shouldnt have sugary food actually...
then .. we have fish balls as well, then... ome Jap bbq "otopus ball", and soya-matcha, then...
we had a few pics of sushi for dinner. we just chated alot. yea.... really wanna go on holiday actually.
i just wish i could focus more on my studies and resting. coz... humm my work gave me money, but
i need something else more than the money. but i couldnt leave my job. so... i dont know.
i will try to fix the schedule for the coming term. hummmm it sucks anyway.

then....
i guess i undersatdn what Queenie means.
i do understand what Cap means too. i guess i'm an easy understanding person, hahaha, right?
i dont know.


Artist: Sheryl crow
Song: Always On Your Side
Album: Wildflower


my yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
but every now and then you come to mind
cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
but when your name was called, you found a place to hide
when you knew that i was always on your side

well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
but your demons and your angels reappeared
leavin' all the traces of the man you thought you'd be
leavin' me with no place left to go from here
leavin' me so many questions all these years

but is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
this isn't how it's really meant to be
no it isn't how it's really meant to be

well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
how to pull it close and make it stay
butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
and i'm left to carry on and wonder why
even through it all, i'm always on your side

but is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
or are we left to wonder, all alone, eternally
but is this how it's really meant to be
no is it how it's really meant to be

well if they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
how to pull it close and make it stay
if butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
was it you that kept me wondering through this life
when you know that i was always on your side

>>May 15, 2007 at 5:16:13 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 13 日 星期日 【晴】

hihi. today is May 14. now is 11 45pm.

i'm pretty tired.. i finalyl slept at 4 50 last night? then woke ard 7 35.
then i was rushing to school, made sandwiches too..
humm back to school wth coffee... then trying to focus in class.
everything was fine. then had lunch with Karan, my new classmate actually.
then... we chated alot..
then... Yedda and Mei were back, then we were all at lab. i use MSN chatting with them, so funny.
they were just sitting besides, then we chated on MSN in stead.

then.... humm got one of my mid-term back.. the better result one.. i only got 71%.
i knew i missed lots of points, otherwise i could do much better. but yea.. whatever..
i thik... i have tried my best already. i didnt have time, i was so stressed and tired. i only got 1 day to prepare.
if i really compare myself with them, i think i've won. coz... if they were me, they might be just same as
or even worse than me. coz they have like 4 days off in a week.

hummm after the sec class, i left imediately and went to Festival Walk..
i met one of my best friend, Shan at Pacific Coffee. she has an interview today. hummmm
then i wiated for her, after her interview, we walked ard and had french fries... hten back home.
i was super tired. i was lonely. then... yea.. anyway, we chated alot..

then also chating on line with Ade and Cyn sometimes.. miss them... then yea... they concern on me.
thanks.

dont know how's honey now? is he fine? wish him a nice mother's day with his mom.
recently, we really seldom talk. if it's just coz we're both very busy and tired... could we find a way
to work better? it's been a month already. i wonder if he really undestands what i mean.
i dont wanna hurry him, coz he must be very tired and stressed from work and other things, i just
dont want to add on pressure. it wouldnt help... but, somehow i do know my feelings as well.
i have said to him already... but.. i m not sure how much he understands...
well, i should just wait.
i just hope everything would be fine soon. wish him fine there.


i got feeling faint twice.
tomorrow have school and... i m so tired.

>>May 14, 2007 at 4:40:25 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 13 日 星期日 【晴】

last night, i slept for 9 hrs ++. good long sleep with nightmares.
sunday is the only day i could sleep for more than 8 hrs.

i idndt go over Ricky's home today. i was late, then on my way he canceled.
anyway, i went to McCafe.. had juice... hummm fresh. then.. waited for my parents.
we had lunch together, then they went home. i walked around then met Ella and Richard.
we went to some furniture shops. i'm sorry but gotta say that.. they reuined the front table at the
new center,... so.. actually we gotta buy a new one or even design a new one.
i didnt go all the way with them then i walked home.
i walked alot today, from home to Tai Po center, then to Sun Hing Garden, then from Tai Po market to
home. it's quite nice.

i finally start making my sandwiches. i'm going to make sadwiches tomorrow morning ... for my lunch.
tomorrow i have school, wanna bring sandwiches. but i forgot to buy tomato... doesnt matter..

last night, i watched a movie on tv.. it's called.. "Evil Acovocate" or something like that??? i dont remember.
the woman went mad and committed sucide. the evil told that man.."you've got all the choices,
she just needs some love, but you were too busy." i think that woman got severe depression.
hummm i dont know... but some ppl are like that. they couldnt over come something, like her...
that man was a very smart and successful lawyer. then he said.. "if i take care of her now, then
i would lose so many chances( as in losing some case), then when she got well, i would hate her.
so now, i should just pay all attention on my job first, then after i win, i could have full time to
take care of her."
Such an idiot.
That's also why there're so many workoholic, and why so many families or marriages broken down.

i guess many ppl are like that actually, especially in Asia... eveyone wanna do great things.
they dont mind to sacrafy things or ppl to get what they want. okay, let say.. yea.. you make big
succeed, but you lose someting important in your life or even lose "yourself", you're no longer the
person you were before. so what's the meaning? you gain something but lose something.
well, some ppl just dont care, coz thinking like.. yea of course you have to pay off.
but is it really necessary or are you really willing or ready to make this sacrafy? especially when it
involves other ppl, i dont know if it's called selfish. well, everyone have choices.
before getting sacrafied, better run away 1st. i would rather saty away from these ppl, coz i dont
wanna get hurt by those selfish monsters.

i m happy in the end, that guy won... was that the love woke him up from those? he was so glad.
he was very lucky coz he got the sec chance to make all things up. but in the reality, how many ppl
could undersatdn this? i dont think much... coz... when you have to face the same situation, you
might choose the same way, too. right?i just dont understand... why... ppl cant manage things better.
sometimes i just wonder... if the person doesnt want to do better or just cant be bothered.
either one is just.... human nature. we're all selfish. we just want to do hard for the things we want.
if at that moment, we want to focus on only one thing or one person, we focus without requiring help.
but we could also neglect others totally. isnt that human nature?

i ask myself... am i the easy victim or i also do that to others? i guess.. i'm pretty self-reflected.
i do try to balance well, sometimes fail, as in... i would be easily irretated by my family when my
stress is extremely high.

whatever.. i do have some wishes. but somehow i have no control on things,
sometimes, feel like i'm not in the interaction as well.
if it means to be, it would be and un-avoidable. i cant help already. it's not about me now.

Cas, why re you so negative, you dont have to be. when everyime i m weak, i try to be tough.
when everytime i dont want to carry on, i tell myself to keep going. when i'm very very lonely,
i tell myself everything would be fine. but does anyone know how bad i felt before?
does anyone understand that the bad thinkgs just keep repeating, and how i would feel and think?
let me ask one question... when the person who you expect that could understand you or try to
undersatdn you, but actually that person doesnt understadn at all, what do you think?
blame that person on his/her reasons ? or you could just let it be. if you could, you're not human,
or you just dont care about that person much.

let me ask this... do you know what is cognitive learning? when the thigns are repeating with the
same stimulations, you're actually learning to response to it with your cognitive adaption.
that means, through the years, you're trained to response in the way you are now.

i'm so tired.

i gotta sleep now or just go back to study.

*
anyway, i'm so glad to recieve Alesja's e-mail.. i was so worried for her.
everything is good with her now. she finally shares me her smile.
i'm happy to recieve Mark Greene's e-mail too. well, i might need some help from him later, but not sure yet.

>>May 13, 2007 at 6:05:35 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 12 日 星期六 【晴】

now is May 13, 12:29 am.

dontk nwo why, after the server updraged, here i got lost my date shown.
haha.. gotta fix it later later and later.

in these two days, i couldnt type diary.
and then.. time was like... kindda slow.. feel like.. many things happened, but then only passed 2 days.

anyway.. had been busy working... very tired.
then.... kindda excited, coz the new office is almost done. i'm so happy. then...
start being busy with the summer plan now. hummm yea..
but then i didnt have enough time to rest or study.. humm afraid..
then.. yea.. met Queenie one night.. i was really bored and tensed.. need someone to be with me.
relaxing.. then.. yup.. just got for a bubble tea and snack.
hummm i did try to cut down my juck food intake.. but... not really working haha.
hummmmm i try...

well well well.
recently many many ppl added me on facebook. so i finally developed it a bit.
it was funny... chris added me and i was kindda embarassed about the que "how you know the
person?" then.. i didnt wanna lie, but then i was thiking... i didnt really wanan tell everybody.
then... i dont know if he minds or not. then he said.. "we hooked up before. it was great."
i was like... "erhhhh.... ... .. . o..k....." hahah then i told Queenie that.. omg.. haha.
yea, playing with Queenie on facebook. it was fun but silly.
Queenie said.. no ice-skating with me.... hummmmmm... so hard to find someone go ice skating. sigh.
but i didnt ask her at first, she was so sensitive hahaha. fine. she owuldnt mind. haha.

then yea, got back in contact with Chris suddenly. then... Nelson also knew him.
these two guys... are actually at the same uni, in the same major. the worldi s just samll...
then they got arguements before. sounds bad. anyway i was happy coz i thought..
my firned know my ex boyfrined(good friend now), so we three could be good frineds now.
but no.. they dislike each others. fine. not my business =P
Chris is coming back in June. maybe, maybe we could meet up. well.. 2 years havent seen him..
right? 2 years? i saw him... when i went to Sg in 2005... then yea i saw him again when i was back
also in 2005. and this time... i would see his girlfirend Yuen Zhi again =P nice !

my honey is still very very busy. i told him what i feel recently.
humm after speaking up, i felt much better... but i m not sure how much he understands.
anyway.. i would just leave some time and space there. coz.. i dont know. ihave done my part already.
i have told him how i feel, and i kindda understand his situation. so.. yea.. just wanna leave him time
and space... wanna show respect. i miss him and love him. but yea.. i'm feeling better now.
even Ella found that and asked me if i have felt better now, coz she sensed it.
perhaps everything would be fine. sometimes i just worry like... too many changes might cause
distance, not just physical distance, but.. our thinking and feelings. that's why i'm worried.
however... who knows.... i really love him so much, he loves me as well.. we shall just wait and see,
i love him.

tomorrow is Mother's Day.. =)
happy mother's day.

gotta catch up with notes, articles and text books later...

>>May 12, 2007 at 5:02:09 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 9 日 星期三 【晴】

hi.

today was quite late to work. hummm 20 mins late.
but then... i just couldnt wake up.

anyway.. i watched a movie at office, Come ALong Polly.
quite funny. well. if the guy really loves you and is in love with you, he would do so many things for you.
just to show his heart to you and want you to feel good. that's it.
if any of my friends got this kind of guy, congraudations =)
actually, my girls who re in relationship are all very lucky. of course those boyfriends are even more
lucky. i bet. hahaha. seriously... yes.
i know... Shan and Choi are okay okay. Queenie and KB are okay okay. then Cyn and Francis are
pretty good. then Ella and Richard are good. isnt it great?

i m very busy at work today. those monkeys made me angry. i use different kinds of methods
to ... teach them, not as in homework, but i need to kindda like make them listening to me.
sigh... so tired. actually being with kids are not easy. i m like that... if the kid likes me, then..
he/she usually likes playing with me in stead of lsitening to me. if i'm just the baby-sister it's fine.
but as in a tutor.. it's kindda hard sometimes. anyway, it's fine. we're okay.

got a chat time with Queenie at office. nothing much.
called and chated with honey.

anyway... i m gonna move on.. as in... loving myself more.
care about and learn to realize my own feelings. do something for myself.
shouldnt and dont wanna waste my 20's.

>>May 9, 2007 at 6:32:50 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 7 日 星期一 【晴】

hi.

today is actually MAy 9 now. 2 21am.
i am still awake, not coz i m so energic, it's just coz i m depressed.
regonizing it just let me understand what is going on.
maybe it's good.

i have done a brief assessment. i am in one kind of depression. it's kind of the mood disorder.
my symptoms are quite abvious, and i just pass the duration line. according to the DSM IV- RT,
i'm in Major Depression. i dont want to tell what it has included. my mind is so messy now.
i have tonz of articles, bunch of information from book and notes... i m so tired now.

in the case studies, i found the common factors those are regarding to the bio, psy, enviornmental
factors. then, in the multiaxial classification system, those 5 axises are linked up, influencsing each
others. then... the clinical disorders are the msot obvious. i dont know. i m still organizing those
information. i'm so fucking tired. everythign is messed up. i am so stressed.
i dont seem finding the right support.
i'm much far away from the things i desire to do. like the case study girl said...
she wants to fix the problems, when anything goes wrong, she took the responsibilities, and blame
herself to fix all those up. even it's not her problems or faults, she would force herself to fix it.
she ws wide awake, and couldnt concentrate on usual life.
i want to meet friends up, but i dont think ayone can help me. and so i dont want to hang
out with friends too much, which i actully need. if i hang out with friends, they would see me
sad, and i dont want them to know, coz that make me stressed. but i would tell them how i feel and
think. but only would stop by there. coz i dont want to explain along.

to find out the reasons why i'm depressed is not so important anymore. i do know the factors why,
what is the essential and necessary causes. i just dont want to make comments.
i asked myself as well, if i just need time ot adapt or i actually need to worry for myself.
coz... mood disorder is diff from anxiety disorder. anxiety disorder has a more strict screen test to
tell if it's considered as an disorder or just anxiety. but depression disorder is much easily noticed.
i just know i'm depressed, and i want to stay away from my fmaily and friends.
i dont let my schoolmates see my sadness. i think i still can control it. i just want to give more time.
i guess i started avoiding ppl now actually. but... i dont know. this keeps bothering me almost 5-6 days/week, most of the time a day. tt lasts for at least 2
weeks. iit's almost all bingel.

i am thinking...
i might would have changed password pretty soon again, so as to keep my diary totally private from
now on. if it's necessary.
i'm might not share anything deep about my feeligns or thinkings on line anymore.
i dont want ppl whoever might have read found me stupid or naive. i dont want to provide a way for
ppl to know me through the internet from now on. i just think... it's been such the big mess recently.
and i dont know what i am gonna do or stuffs. it's just so tiring and too painful to think.
i start feeling like no one understands me.

everyday is up and down. when i have done something nice, i am very happy,
but when i slow down myself, i still have many thigns to do everyday, and i am not happy.
i am very very stressed from my relationship, from my studies and work.
sometimes t's like anxiety. i'm so lack of rest and sleep. i'm so lack of time to balance myself.
every min is full of stress. i m thinking too much, and i dont know how to help myself.

most of the depression patients are woman. the factors are usually from relationship and the society.
men are less-likely in depression/ mood disorder. they would suspress their greif, and they would
turn them into actions. so they're more appearant with substance abuse or excessive sex.
the factors are usually form social-culture.

i tink i would be fine. i still believe that i would be finel. it just takes a period of time to rest myself
and adapt to all the stressful changes. i think i would keep being on this stage for a period of time.
i hope... it wouldnt go worse.

>>May 9, 2007 at 3:27:50 AM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 5 日 星期六 【晴】

i woke up at 12 40... i have been too tired.
it was my first time sleeping for more than 8 hrs, since i'm back ? probably.
anyway.. then went to Ricky's home for tutorial class.
then took him to meet my parents, then i went back to the new Taiwanese cafe meeting Queenie.
i was so tired. outside was so hot. from Fu Shin to Tai Wo, then back to Po Wu.
then.. had bubble tea with Queenie. kindda chating and relaxing.
i mostly listen to what she said. humm fine.. i dont have much to share.
finally got a holiday to relax a bit... mom was kindda complaning. i was so pissed.
then.. after the drink, we walked around. we went to ans. we found 3 necklaces,
for Shan, me and Queenie. we all could have one in 3 differnet colors.
very nice. but it's kindda expensive.
but it's okay. it's very speical for the three of us. =) so... yea.... hope that my expenses wouldnt be
over budget this month. or already over...

actually, when i'm back, i need to pay for the fine, the text books, the check up, the phone bill, some
clothes for work... i ve spent HKD 3000. high expenses. yea. in May, i'm using April's income.
it's really less. i guess i dont have much money in my account now. and now is just May 6.
humm Cas... you're gonna on diet again, which is the doctor not allowing me.

tomorrow is the "final due date" for my assignment. hummm i will go through it again tonight, later.
and i need to read a paper later. i had been very busy at office, didnt have time to do anything
personal. but i did send a post. yea. have been very stressed. lucky that the problems in the new
center had been fixed. the posters should be going well. then... still need to work on the new
flyers, course promotion, business card, and the recycle bag. busy.

i wanna fix the wireless internet tonight.
then tomorrow after school, i will come tidy up my room, then on Tue after school...
i might go to Ikea to buy something to organize my stuffs. yea... hope to get thigns done at my place, too.

i guess i have been thinking too much about different things.
some of my friends concern me on that. i really understand but i cant change anything.
thanks...
maybe.. i just need to get through all these...

>>May 6, 2007 at 3:04:59 PM GMT+8