2007 年 6 月 18 日 星期一 【晴】

i'm giving myself time to rest.



i woke up 3 times this morning. the calls...
omg.... i hate those calls... why called me?

ok... i finally woke up at 1 pm.
then we ate out... and we bought a cake home.
yes =) June 20 is my Chinese Birthday. i'm 21 y.o...... feel like getting old...
omg... would i be able to get marry before 25 ?
hummmmmmmmm i dont know now.

i sleept alot... but... i rmeember it was funny that... i was almost falling in dream,
i told myself stop, i dont want dreams. hahahaha then the dream didnt go on.
i coldnt remember what that dream is about now.. funny.

watching tv a lot too...
hummm but i wanna watch Prison Break..... =(

anyway...
i have been thinking i wanna go out... as in.... leaving HK again.
i dont know where i should go. i have school, i have work.
but... planing next year, after grad, i would go on traveling again.
should i be back to Van ? or i should go somewhere else? i have no ideas yet.
i have ard 10 months to plan.
10 months... ok.... anotehr 10 months... how many 10 months i have to wait?
i m not happy. omg... i guess waiting is just a hard thing to deal with.

i have to be patient. i learnt to be patient, and i was pretty patient.
but after break up, i wonder i just change. i m not as patient as before. coz of my emotions?

i m still sad.
i ... still mss him alot.
Castor... dont be a fool.





"Craig David - Don't Love You No More (i'm Sorry) lyrics"

[VERSE 1]
For all the years that I've known you baby
I can't figure out the reason why lately you've been acting so cold
(didn't you say)
If there's a problem we should work it out
So why you giving me the cold shoulder now
Like you don't even wanna talk to me girl
(tell me)
Ok I know I was late again
I made you mad and then it's throwing the pan
But why are you making this drag on so long
(i wanna know)
I'm sick and tired of this silly games
(silly games)
Don't figure that I'm the only one here to blame
It's not me here who's been going round slamming doors
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

[CHORUS]
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

[VERSE 2]
I know that I made a few mistakes
But never thought that things would turn out this way
Cause I'm missing something now that your gone
(I see it all so clearly)
Me at the door with you inner state
(inner state)
Giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

[CHORUS]
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

[BRIDGE]
Don't say those words it's so hard
They turn my whole world upside down
Girl you caught me completely off guard
On the night you said to me
I just don't love you more.

[CHORUS 2X]
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more





Everything in it’s time - Corrinne May

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it’s hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I’m two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I’m stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

’cause maybe there’s another plan
One I still can’t see
A little surprise, like Your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time



>>June 19, 2007 at 4:41:51 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 17 日 星期日 【晴】

hi

now it's June 19, 1 26 am.
my chinese lunlar birthday on the day after..
hummmmm... this year.. my chinese birthday is so close as Stephen's.
Happy Birthday to Stephen.
i wish he has already recieved the package.


anyway... school started today.
it was..... NOT BAD.
today was Issues and Ethics in Helping Professions.
it was quite nice.... got a small class again, but more students this time. some new students too.
not bad... and it was very interesting. and it's not that difficult for me. i'm happy.

i might fall sick very soon... got th runny nose sometimes. sigh... very tired..

i met aunt Pricilla for lunch today, so long havent seen her.. we catch up..
after meeting her, i went back to school, then e-mailed Stephen that Happy Birthday.
then i got my afternoon class started.

after school, i met Capella at Admairlty. wahhhh i was so tired.. but fine.
we walked around. i didnt buy anything. then... we walked at Pacific Place...
then... we sat down at Delifrance Bistro there. the food isnot very nice but not that bad.
then...... yea we chatted alot... relaxing...
i'm so happy to meet her today =) thanks Cap... it was nice to have her besides.
even though we were just walking around and joking around, it was good.
last night i cried to her on webcam... hummmmmm but i m ok...
today.. i just saw so many White ppl in HK... why do we have so many White in HK nowadays?
i didnt notice them before or we just have more and more now ? i dont know.

hummmmm Cap might leav soon... i will miss her so much...
sigh........ of course i want her to have a brighter future... but ... i will miss her so much...
and then....
yea... Cyn might be leaving Van in Dec... Ade might leave next year..
Cap is no longer living in Van too... then... Kianna might be back to China too..
then.. all my close friends there would just leave... how about me? should i be there again?
but they all leave... then.. when i go back, there would be only me with those lovely memorries...
omg.... i cant carry these.... :'(


sigh.....

today... i was almost hitted by the bus. it was red light, and i thought it was still far..
then i ran... coz it was late... and then i passed. so lucky but very dangerous.

Mr. A might be comign to Hong Kong. i dont understand why there still have crazy ppl like him.
maybe he's just kidding with me. if he really comes to HK studying... i would be pretty impressed.
then at that time, i cant have any excuses. omg. i doubt about myself. i dont think i want him.
i really dont know what i want. i ask him to stay away from me.

today... one of the issue in class draws my attention.
Dr. Chan said... Councelor shouldnt provide the best solution to his clients.
coz after long, he cant take care all of his clients about their own decision making.
if i'm a therapist or councilor, i m not supposed to teach them what to do.
our job should be helping them to search for their best solution.
then i thought of my friends... when i have problems... my friends... are trying to teach me what to do?
like they would say... actually you should blah blah blah, or you shouldnt blah blah blah ?
and then in the end, when i dont listen to them, they think i dont hear what they said,
or they think i just ignore them. and my answer is NO. i always listen. but ... i always have my own
decisions. and i'm facing them by myself now too... i cry coz i am hurt and sad.
if there's no empathy... i dont know who i am.
i think this is just me. i'm always like that... but i gotta change a bit.

then, he talk about... what we must do, what we must not do. as in something ethical and restricted by law.
at that time.. i felt so heavy. i just dont wanna talk about that.
it's so hard for me to... dont think about that. and it's even harder to accept what comes after that.
it makes me wonder if my relationship before was based on nothing or it just means nothing at all.
everytime when i think of how his attitude, his words, and perceptions is hurting me, but he doesnt
even realize that? he cant feel it? does he have his empathy on his loved one? or he just doesnt love me?
it is SO Hurted. SO Painful.
i just wonder he doesnt give a shit on me. and i'm painful by myself now ?
omg... it's so difficult...
actually, IT s ALL PERSONAL, ad CANT BE EXPLAINT.
i cant say much here, and i cant explain much here. omg...
why i still care?


if the guy actually feels sad, but he doesnt show it, he doesnt speak a word, i think he deserves
all the sad boundaries. long ago... i have read some articles, and i have discussed with some ppl abt that.
i remembered i have talk with Stephen as well. i know his answer.
i just.... cant give my empathy on guys then. i m sorry. you deserve it. look at what you've done, GUYS.

Dr. Chan said.. every practicer, they have to seek a councilor or therapist to experience the process
of councilling, and be sure if he's ready to do this job. to check about the "un-finished business".
we all have that.
if you say no, you're just denying them, or avoiding or escaping.
i think i have too. most of them are from my relationship.
if i couldnt over come all these, and i might let them affect me in longe term, after i work in this feild.
i dont know...
it's such a mess now..

i hope Mr. A is not coming to HK.
i would like to remain single for a period of time.
i'm so tired, i need time to.... clear my messy mind now. and i dont have to be responsible for anyone,
ya?

i hope mom would stop asking about Stephen.
i dont wanna tell her anything. otherwsie, she would be worried for me.

i dont know..
i'm still sad... i cant explain why. but i gotta overcome those.
coz obviously... he is moving on too.
Cas... be tough...

tomorrow is public holiday =) hummm take a rest, Cas?

>>June 18, 2007 at 6:21:04 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 16 日 星期六 【晴】

today i got a call at 9 am, from Ella.
she asked me if i wanan join them going ot China.
i said.. no.. i was sleeping.....
funny that her brother Ellery is kindda weird recently.
my break up means nothing to him actually. why he cares ?
why he has to ask so much about me. i'm not close with him =S

i finally woke up at 12 noon.
then went over Ricky's home with Miki...
we did some more revision today. then... Ricky cried today. OMG...
whatever. i just left him alone afterall.

then Miki and i went to Festival Walk...
we skated... hummm the ice was not very smooth today... i fell down.
or i didnt really concentrate when i skated... it was so hurt.. my hand was hurted too.
actually, there was a little girl passed by, and she grapped my pocket on my butt.
it was scary. might be she was about to fall, then try to hold on to someone hahah.
anyway, we had ice-cream... Gelato.
then... we walked ard Tsim Sha Tsui too...
i bought a belt finally at Esprit. i love this belt. it's casual but gorgerous.
i got 20% off with my VIP card this month. and 50%off at Mastina, and then 20%off at Body Shop.
so... yea... wonder if any friends wanan shop at those places, let me know.
and in FACES, i got some promotion discount too... i m not so interested in shopping there...
i got enough.

then we back home watching America Next Top Model.
we had big dinner tonight. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY ! =)

then..... yea.. resting, watching tv with my family.. nice..



i cried toight.
sometimes, i just pray..
i wish... i dont have to stay in pain anymore.
i wish i dont love him anymore, i wish i dont miss him anymore.
coz... it's really painful to love someone when he doesnt cherrish you, doesnt care how you feel.
everyone would feel happy to leave the relationship like this, but why not me?
god... now.. i pray that... i dont love him anymore...
i love him so much, but i got hurted. he doesnt know how much he has hurted me,
he doesnt feel sorry for hurting me. if he really loves me, how come he could be that cold to say
something like that? i really dont understand. if someone really cherrish the relationship,
would he ever not realizing things happened so bad?
God... i love him so much... without him i m so lost... but please ... take away my weakness...
i dont wanna cry and cry again... it's soooo painful .... it's too hard to carry on life like that...
it's just too difficult for me to realize that how much he cares about the relationship actually.
is there anything can help?


good luck Cas..
tomorrow the class start again.


i will meet aunt Pricilla for lunch tomorrow,
and then i will meet Capella after school.
hummm

good night Cas..
June 18., 2 40 am

>>June 17, 2007 at 6:45:41 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 15 日 星期五 【晴】

hi.

two days not coming already?
now it's already June 17, 2 02 am.

well.. same old days. tired, kind of busy sometimes, pretty sad sometimes...
quite angry sometimes..

well, work stress. stress dealing with Ella and my duty there.
sometimes, i just think she's rediculous. she doesnt understand much about my job?
or i dont know my job? i dont know... sometimes it's so difficult working with her nowadays.
it's like... i do know how much she cares about the income, but the point is... when she's too
into "business", she couldnt really think from a parent's perspective.
dont really need to consider if she could understand what the staff feels too.
not saying she has to do something, she doesnt need to. but at least understanding a bit more?
or... just be careful about the decisions.
well, is that me too kind ? thinking too much for ppl ? sometimes, i just dont talk back, not coz i dont
have points, but just dont want to argue with her when she has her own points. and...
she's my boss anyway. i have tried to explain ot her, tell her what i see and hear, reminded her.
i have done my job. right ?
sigh. if someday, i become a boss, i think i would be a much better one.
i'm not saying if it's easy to be a good boss, just that i know i can do a better job.

anyway... i dont want to argue with anyone. i just hardly find the business ethics at work now.
it's not that i dont understand what business means. but i think i would like to be a honest person.
like a friend A told me.. i might be suitable working in human resourse or some psychological health
department. coz i could only focus on human health and not about the evil side of the business dealing.


hummmmmmmm
i dont feel good recently. i have been really tired. it's so tense sometimes.
i've uploaded some pics on facebook and friendsters. i havent uploaded to yahoo yet.
hummm tomorrow might do.


i m not good.
i'm not okay.
i m sad. i m stressed. i m .... trying to search... what i want and need, as in... my daily life and anything.
i have found some information for the master's degree in psychology.
i'm thinking about it. it seems pretty hard actually. but i would like to give a try...
i dont know what i want anymore. i've been kindda lost after i've lost my relationship.
i know what i m doing. i am trying ot have a good life. but... it seems not going so well.
what i want in the future now? i'm kind of lost. well, give myself sometime to see ?
just wanna do everything, as many as i can. but i'm exhausted.
where is my support now? i'm by myself now.

i have the love from my fmaily and friends, but.... there's some empty feelings... something missing...
well.... Cas... dont think too much.
something that you've seen might not real, but something that you cant see might be true.
but ppl only believe in what they want to, including yourself.
dont blind youself ever again. look, look at the things with your eyes, not your heart.
that's the only thing could keep you awake, that's the only thing could pull you out from your sadness in depth.
should i just forget him ? can you do that ? to erase everything ? is that what you want to do?
i dont know. i just pray that... everything is gonn be fine...
i dont know what is right or wrong. i just wish the pain could leave me far away.
he has killed me. he doesnt know, he doesnt care about my feelings. what else could be more destorying than that? even after break up, it's still the same, even though i'm not looking for good news
or what. but the most rediculous thing is that... i miss him so much and i still love him.
i think i'm just the stupidest person in the world. i try to move on, i ve done the last thing i could but
shouldnt do. and i'm wishing that i could just walk away. it hurts the most when you re hurted by that
person and he doesnt understand, and when you walked away, you're painful by yourself.
what does that mean in life huh? paying your heart and got destoryed, and telling yourself that
everything happened before was nothing meaningful at all? begging urself to move on to save a little
bit remaining dignity? Castor, is that what you want to do? crying is nothing. being hurted is nothing.
everything is just meaningless.... if that's true... why re you tearing?

>>June 16, 2007 at 6:58:38 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 13 日 星期三 【晴】

hi.
now it's June 15 morning 11 22 am. at office.

last night when i was home, i just wanted to sleep but couldnt.
then i had dinner, watching tv, last night had Ugly Bettey. hahaha so funny.
before that, i watched the TVB Jade chanel. not bad. then.. yea.. shower and came on line.
i didnt really wanna come on line, coz i was extremely tired. but yea.. just came checking stuffs.

i chatted with Cap on phone, i chatted with Alesja and her cute sister, i chated with AdeL (some guy
from Eygept), i chatted with A. i chatted with Emre. Emre was pissing me off.

i was not feelingg well...
i just slept ard 2 sth am. i saw a Taiwanese show on I Cable Chanel. it was soooooo funny...
omg.. i wanted to laugh out loud.

this morning, i just hardly got up. but i have been feeling unwell for 3 days.
hummmm guess i m going to be sick. maybe coz of Mandy or Ricky. they re a bit sick.


i m soooooo bored at the office now.
i should bring the lap top n my vcds...

hummm yesterday i was in the China Bank.
i HATE being there. they were not very organized. the staffs are not friendly, the ppl there are rude.
what kind of bank is it? shitty bank.
dad said at my situation yesterday, i should at least talk to the manager in stead of just waiting.
i dont know. i was angry over those unreasonable bitches.
dont talk to me with your high pitch bitchy voice. it made me so sick.
it's your disorganized system made me waiting, and you dont keep your lobby well,
and you still dare to say the client's fault? shouldnt you just arrange the better service to make things
up?
it's your responsibilities, not mine. you're the host, i'm just CUSTOMER. but your other customers took
advantages on me this customer, and you dont care. excuses me, WHAT KIND OF JOB RE YOU DOING?

>>June 15, 2007 at 3:33:13 AM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 12 日 星期二 【晴】

hummmm

today is June 14.
yesterday i was too tired, so i didnt come typing diary.
actually i was home ard 10 40 pm..
yea... i was out for more thna 12 hrs for work.
from 10 15 till 10 20. sucks...

after home, i just ate.. and rest... then came on line..
had been very busy the whole day. very very tired.
got a call from Cap last night ard 11 15, then we kept chatting... then... yea.. till 12 sth.
couldnt finish my fav. tv show 24. hummmm but ok.. nevermind.
helping checking my books for Cap.. then i chatted with otehr net friends..
then Alesja and her sister. omg... her sister is so cute hahaha.

hummmmmmmmmm i slept ard 3 am.
i couldnt wake up this morning. terrible.

i got a fight with Queenie yesterday at work.
well.. the dinner was canceled anyway. i went to Ricky's home.
omg.. i was so damn tired.
yea.. fight wth Queenie. it wasnt good of course. i was very angry.
well, at that moment, she really gave me that kind of message, then i got very pissed.
anyway, i shouldnt comment here.
i wasnt sad yesterday, but after that i was kindda moody.

ok...

last night... i got a very bad nightmare...
REALLY BAD.
i dont wanna talk about that. it's just very bad.

okay..
thanks friends..
and tonight i m going to Ricky's home again..
veery tired..

next week, my school starts again, and i'm taking 3 subs this timeee...
mght be more stress and tensed ... the tighter schedule for me...
very big challenge. Cas, you can do it . you must.


i'm sad.

>>June 14, 2007 at 7:45:50 AM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 11 日 星期一 【晴】

hi.

my birthday is gone.

i slept at 4 30 am i guess.
i was chatting on webca with Alesja's 8 y.o sister, Diana.
SHE 'S SUCH A DOLL !!! ^^ sooooo cute... omg..
she knew my bday, and she said she would send me a gift. omg.. haha...
after chatting with her till 3 sth ? then i took a long shower and slept..
hummmm actually before sleeping, i did something important. and i was crying.

then i woke up at 11 am, then met Capella in Stanley Market Starbucks =P
i'm sorry.. i m late again hahaha. then.. i was waiting for her coz of my late hahaha.
then.. we chated a bit, then we shared Fish & Chips, ^^ HEEHEEHEEE my fav. dish...
then...... we walked ard... so relaxing actually.. and i love my dress toaday. =)
then... we took a bus to Tsim Sha Tsui... we walked, then we went to Mong Kok.
well, just brought her to the bubble tea i've tried with Karen yesterday.
it was great. Cap liked that too =)
then we walked ard, and i took the mini bus back to Tai Po to my cousin's home.
we had a late class tongiht... hummmmm till 10 30... then back home eating dinner.

resting and got a call from Karen.. hahaha sweet girl. thanks for her 15 mins conversation.


before meeting Cap, i went to the post office today. it s a bit late... perhaps can catch it up.

then.. in Stanlely... i got a call from Henry. i actually recieved his smsss before.
his call supprised me. i was a bit shock. why he called ?
doesnt he know he would hurt his girlfriend by contacting me?
i was so guilty already.... i thought he has promised her not contacting me anymore.
i thought he has said he would never contact me too. what if his girl spy on me again ?
i dont mind being friend with him, but.. i dont think his girlfriend finds it okay.

i'm so glad for Alesja. hee... like what i said.. she should just talk to him directly.

then Cap was with me the whole day today...
i was so happy speanding time with her... it was so great. then... i dont know..
i got a few sms from different frineds =) THANKS ALL.
Shan and Queenie are a bit late this year. haha. then other frineds ... sweet.

hummm tonight was a bit sad.. especially saying good bye with Cap.
she's not leaving HK soon. but i just dont feel good to say bye with her.
i got the sad feelings, which brings me the memorries of leaving Vancouver.
then... on mini bus, i cried. perhaps no one saw that.
Cas.. didnt i tell you to be strong ?

then...
tonight... Karen called. thaks.
then i recieved an e-mail.
i was supprised. i was.... happy...
thanks.............

i.. m...
missing him.


Cas's bday is gone.
happy birthday. you're 21 now.

>>June 12, 2007 at 5:14:43 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 10 日 星期日 【晴】

today... i was busying fixing my textbook ordering form..
then i met Karen .. we went to Mong Kok and Sha Tin today.
soooooooo tireddddddd hahah. we did lots of shopping.
thigns are so damn cheap there. i COULDNT believe that..
i can get a nice one-piece dress at $100. OMG !!!!!! that's so cheap !
i also tried the PUDDING BUBBLE TEA!!!! DAMN! so nice!!! ^^
omg.. i ate a lot today.. ate snacks... so nice.
i bought some hair accessories... quite cheap... $1@. omg..
then.. i wondered to buy the shose there.. it's only $70. omg.. i didnt buy anyway..
it seems a bit too old for me. or i dont wanna be too slutty.

hummmmmmmmmm
so tired... then i went to Ricky's home to have tutorial class.
hummm 1.5 hr... the coming days, i would still need to go there... everyday after work.
i would be very tired. =S

hummmm back home resting and had dinner..
just now chatting with Yunes Emre.... omg.. i ifnally hardly say his name.
he s the sec person saying Happy birthday to me.
1st, Augustus,
2nd, Emre,
3rd, Alesja,
4th, Karen =D

thanks guys...
then tomorrow... i will meet Capella =) heehee, we will go Stanley Market.. ^^ woo~
i hope tomorrow would be sunny... PLEASE BE SUNNY..... be my day...
then... yea.. i will wear my new dress. nice.

hummmm just now...
my dad just broke my necklace.. yea.. my pink heart shape nechlace.
omg.... i almost cry.. and he lost my ring.. the ring from Stephen.
i really wanted cry... he was so clumsy.. his hand crashed my stuffs on my table..
then those sthings dropped. omg... my necklace broke.. i wear this everyday.. ;'(
then.... yea... he lost my ring.. i was so worried. i kept looking for it.. i was so worried to lost it.
then...................... lucky that... i found it and it was fine. i was so worried =(

and ... i finally bought a t-shirt as a gift.
i think this is the end.
i felt bad after buying it.
i was happy when i was choosing it... i was happy when i pay for it...
but... when i hold it in my hands, and i know i'm going to give it.. i dont feel good no more.
i guess this is the end, and that's why i am unhappy.
but... this is my last decision. i should just do it, to complete the story happily.
i just wish him happy and good luck in future. he must be, he has to be happy without me.
i could only do these to make both us feeling better.
maybe he has moved on already. Cas...be strong...

i was thinking... if he asked me to send him back the ring.. i would rather just buy it from him.
coz.. the ring means so much to me... it means so much so so much to me..
it is so important to me. i would never wanna lose it.
i hope he didnt throw away the necklace as well. coz... it ... was... so nice so beautiful.

Castor... dont cry...
i know you still love him. but as you know, as you promised yourself that..
you know he doesnt want you back. so, just do the right thing and leave him alone.
Castor... tomorrow is your birthday...
stay strong.. and enjoy it.
you're going ot be 21 now... pretty lady. ha.

Happy Birthday Castor.
Love yourself.

>>June 11, 2007 at 6:10:26 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 10 日 星期日 【晴】

wow.
last night Alesja went on webcam! we chatted on webcam till almost 4 am !!!
omg ! i was sooooo happy to see her again. omg. it was awesome !
then we chated and we joked. we talked whatever. it was s funny a few times we just kept laughing.
omg.. she's so Castor. she knows me so much.
i'm gonna buy her something. she just bought me a gift. she'd never forgot my birthday.
omg... i miss her so much. she's always so sweet to me. but so bad, i'm the person who always forget
things, especially numbers. i'd never remembered ppl's numbers. i remember few, only a few..
like dad and mom, Stephen... then... no.. myself... and... maybe sometimes i could rmeember Shan and
Queenie's number... then home and office... hummm no more. hahaha. so bad huh? yea.

anyway...
today i wke at 12. 8 hrs sleep... ok..
then had lunch with my parents outside and did some shopping for gorcery, then back home..
resting, reading book then i slept... till 8 45pm, AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL! hahah.
then.. yea. watched, and had dinner.
i saw a show on CNBC... hummm the late show with jay leonao ? i forgot his name.
that's the only talk show i could watch on CNBC. i wanna watch the late show with Conan O'briem.
i forgot his name as well. yea.
then... after dinner... just resting, and helping fixing the printer.

i just rest alot today. i love resting. haha. then..... tomorrow i was supposed ot meet up with Rami,
but nevermind, i didnt contact him back.. then i will meet Karen tomorrow =)
let's go Mong Kok. coz usually i dont go there, and there're too much ppl on weekends.
perhaps Vic vic would call me. coz oterhwise i dont know if we could meet up.
then... on Tue, Cap and i would go Stanely Market =)


hummmm i had dreams last night.
i wish i dont have dreams.
last night Alesja said... about the dreams that you have, the person in the dream actually miss you,
so that you have seen the person in dreams. hummmmmmm... it's not sicentific.
shall we believe in that? =)

anywya...
ppl keep telling me that.. i could have a better one in the future, but mom keep saying that i've lost a
good one. hummmm i havent really told mom why we broke up. she kept guessing, but i dont tell her.
i guess that's the respect to him. it's the respect for both us actually.
yes, i do lose a good one. i might regret. but... he doesnt.
i dont hate him, i dont dislike him. i loved him and i still love him. but just that at this moment, i dont think
i could carry on. it might be my fault, it might be his, but... it doesnt matter now. coz... he doesnt care.
i dont know how is my feelings now. i just know i have calmed down alot.
i still miss him sometimes, i still pain sometimes... but... who cares?
there's only one more thing i want to do, and i've been thinking if i should do it.

recently, i understand more about the relationship between male and female.
i think i start to understand what is the difference between love and only sex.
it's really different. and actually girls can be that too. girls can be playful, and bad.
but when girls gone bad, everything is end.

wish him all the best, and has a good life ahead.
i should supress my feelings or just face my feelings?

>>June 10, 2007 at 5:05:22 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 8 日 星期五 【晴】

super tired.

hummmm ...

if butterflies re free to fly, why do they fly away?
leaving me to carry on and wonder why.
even through these all, i'm always on your side.

i had nightmare last night again...i dont want any dreams if my dreams would only make me sad.
we have seperated already. we'r apart. why to dream of him again ? i hate it.
it makes me sad.

i m very busy this morning.
damn it, waiting for 20 mins for a taxi. ppl dont line up, standing everywhere taking my taxis.
i was very busy at work... so tired...
then... yea... i had a class tonight with Fiona. sigh.... i m worried for her... would she be ok on exam?


my yesterday re all boxed up, and neatly put away.
every now and then you come to mind.
you were always waiting to be picked to play the game,
but when your name was called, you found a place to hide.when you knew that i was always on your side.

if everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent,
my angels and my demos reappear.
leaving only traces of the man you thought i'd be.
too afraid to hear the words i always fear. leaving you many ques all these years.

is there someplace far away, some place where all is clear.
easy to start over, with the one you hold so dear,
or are you left to wonder all alone alternaly, is this how we really meant to be?
no it isnt how it's really meant to be..
well they say the love is in the air, never it is clear.
how to pull it close and make it stay?
buterrflies are fre to fly, and so they fly away.
and i'm left to carry on and wonder why. even through it all, i'm always on your side.

is there someplace far away, some place where all it's clear?
easy to start over, with the one you hold so dear? or are you left to wonder all alone alternally?
is this how we really meants to be? no it inst how it's really meant to be..
well they say the love is in the air, never it's clear.
how to pull it close and make it stay?
butterflies are free to fly, so why they fly away?
leaving me to carry on and wonder why.. was that you that kept me wondering through this life?
when you knew that i was always.. on your side...



coz the river runs, and the river hides.. out to the ocean, and under the sky.
i promise you, the answer will come, just hold on to patient just watch for the sign..
everything it s in its time..
maybe there's another plan, once i still cant see... a million suprises liek your love in my life..
funny how.. time... changes how we see...
there's a thousand reasons why i should give up.. but i'm stubborn in the thigns i believe in..
coz the river runs, and the river hides, out to the ocean and under the sky, i promise you..
the answer will come, just hold on to patient just watch for the sign...
everything it s in its time.. everything is in its time.


像有感情　到天星　看風景
他似無還有偏卻　不承認
為了此人　算初戀　太高興
失去承受更悲傷的本領

然後遇著　我至今的經典
曾緊張得似應戰　一晚渡無限風險
然後漸漸　沉重到　不願見
人會變　情會厭　從沒甚麼保險

＊誰擔保可不可　有一個愛一個
　為何我不可　值得好點結果
　即使悔恨又如何　別離得多不痛楚
　其實帶淚都該慶賀　失戀不怕多

　得多天的許可　愛一個上多一課
　自由也不錯　被吹熄的愛火
　光影總算照亮過　想開心如何懶惰
　無謂算盡機關只要情動　也不敢錯過＊

逃避寂寞　期待吃喝玩樂
談得多戀愛更覺　不領會何謂快樂
誰是玩伴　誰是愛的幻覺
誰與我　能永遠　留在夢中天國

>>June 9, 2007 at 3:18:34 PM GMT+8