2007 年 12 月 11 日 星期二 【晴】

hi.

it's been a few day, yea?
humm i m doing still okay. just finished all the mid terms and papers.

it was kindda crazy actually, coz... it's been a whole month and half havent really rested,
i mean,... my only Sundays were all home rushing school work or exam stuffs.
so, it was a very crazy time. time flys.

then, i got.... 2 mid terms back...
Dr Chan's PSY 201 Adjustment was 85%. it was just... so so.. coz i saw some ppl got 92%
it's crazy man, how to get 92% ? could she actually remember everything? humm..
then, Prof Casey's ID 301 Critical Thinking, i got 88%. i was quite dissapointed, coz..
i knew Avery got 94%, that's A. and i got a B. sigh, 5/13 got As, 5/13 got Bs, then 3 C/Ds.
i'm unhappy, coz... i knew some students didnt really understand what he said in class, and damn,
they got high scores. and then yea.. i was suprised, my 2 ques got 24/25. the other 2 ques were
21 and 19. just that little diff made a whole grade down. Cherry told me she got 89%, too bad.

then... one paper was back, PSY 201 Adjustment. Dr. Chan told me that i did a good paper, on Mon
evening class. then one Tue, i got it back. he said in class that if you got 70% it's very good already.
coz so many of us just went out of topic or just had a poor proportion, as in the essay structure.
i got 86%. i was like.. okay. there re so much i still need to work on. and i'm not too suprised.
actually i'm usually okay with 85% above no matter it's mid term or paper..
coz... plus the class performance and final, i usually get A, sometiems B.
i dont really care too much, coz i took 2 or 3 courses, then as long as i have at least 1 A in 1 semester, i m fine.
but this term is not.. coz i have 3 tough courses, and i'm graduating soon. i cant see myself losing
any easy marks. when everyone, no, if there's anyone who can do great, i should be able to do so too.
that's why i am always doing my best now. coz.. it's my last two semesters, and i gotta try my really best.
and that's why i'm unhappy. coz.. i'm not the best, and i am not that great even though Dr. Chan said
i'm great, or i know Prof Casey gave me many chances in class. i'm not that happy, coz my result...
just didnt reflect well enough.. or.. actually my classmates were too strong? i dont know. i'm lost.
coz.. very obviously, my result's not that good. sigh, whatever..
dont wanna compare myself with friends. i'm sick of it.
i talked with Stephen about that too.. i guess i just care too much about my mid term this time.. ahhh... =(

i feel sick.. really... i dont feel right. i feel dizzy today.
the class with Alex was fine. he is so happy today. he's a sweet boy today.
maybe coz his bday is coming soon. he's in a good mood. i was happy with him.
yea... i got him a small bday gift.

then...

i got some problems with Edgar. omg. i fucking hate him. he's such a liar.
Karen Choo told me something a few days ago, when i was rushing my paper on Sun.
she and i were on phone for an hour. she was.. i dont know.. if she's just that innocent or what.
she's not bad, but... i dont know.. she's my classmate anyway. i feel so bad that...
our relationship become so complicated. Edgar made things so complicated and he broke our deal.
then now, i dont know.. i might just quit that partnership. bastard, betrayed me.
he really thinks that i'm so stupid to trust him for everything. i hate ppl made story about me.
screw him. i'm thinking what i should do next. i might just quit it.

i'm not sure if Rami knew about it, probably not. Rami wanna meet me for long, i rejected him 3 times
in 1 month. i have been too busy. he made a t-shirt for me, coz i solve some ques he set up on line.
i was like.. BINGO! haha thanks. but then.. i didnt really expect he would make me a t-shirt.

then... yea.... i have chatted with Stephen. i felt so hot for him. ahhhhh. really driving me crazy.
we also discussed on that business stuff. thanks for his advice always.

then.. yea.. i am supposed to meet Rami this Sat evening after work, but then.. no..
i forgot my sister would have a performance in the city hall this Sat. mom just remided me.
it's only once a year, i must be there. so yea.. then...

at work, it was busy.. but i was just too tired.
that Christopher was like 2 hrs and 30 mins earlier. so funny. i was shocked by him when he walked in.
then when i was in class with Alex, he suddenly appeared outside the classroom a few times,
Alex liked him. it's like.. the first time they met, and Alex liked him. Alex played with him.
omg.. Christopher was in the office here and there to prepare for his lessons, he's so serious.
i dont know if i should be happy about that. since he's here sometimes, walking ard, sitting here and
there, ard my desk, then i dont feel so comfortable. coz usually when the teachers working, i am
the one at the front, so free, or i do my busy jobs or talk with the parents or students. but now ...
i dont feel as comfortable. and when i was having class with Alex, he was like.. drawing our
attention, making faces or acting. i was laughing, but i wondered why he did that?
this guy is so funny, i dont know him anything. but he seems a nice teacher.

i chatted with Ade on line today. she's doing fine in Singapore. we didnt chat for long.
but then yea... i'm glad that she'sfine.
Cap is still as busy. i hope to see her soon anyway. i miss Cyn as well. =(

then, Augustus told me ... he is coming to HK with his Fiance and her son, and... some paretns.
hummmm i dont know.. i dont mind to see him and his future family, but then... i dont have time i guess.
and the problem is... he's kindda weird sometimes. i told him many many times that.. he shouldnt
sweet talk to me, like "hey sexy" or.. "who's lap are you on now?" or... "you look more sexy now."
you know that kind of... words? and he would send me kiss.
why? i think he loves his future wife, he shouldnt do such things. it's not approporite. i told him many
times, and i was serious, he just said he wanted to do that. then i was like... whatever.
he makes me think of Henry. and i told Henry that of course i dont like the way he talked to me,
i was very straightforward to him that what made him think we could go back to that kind of relationship.
he has chosen his girlfrined, and i didnt mind coz i didnt intend to be with him, but he insulted me.
id never tried or attempted to be with him and i was the one who asked him to stay away at first, he refused.
what the hell his text mesg for? that's was the biggest insult, like snaping me in face.
forget it anyway... i just dont wanna be "frined" with Henry. he just told me that he couldnt only
treat me as a friend. then that's fine, for me, it's even better that we dont keep in contact.
for Augustus.. i used to like him as a friend. but now... i dont think so. i dont feel comfortable as in...
he's a bit... strange to me sometimes.

i miss Stephen. i wanna see him right now. i have so much to tell him, to let him know in person.
i have so much to let him know, but it's all cant show here. that part really belongs to the two of us only.


good night Cas..
take a rest first.. relax and get ready for the christmas and... my Finals.

i miss HIM !!!

>>December 12, 2007 at 6:04:54 PM GMT+8

2007 年 12 月 7 日 星期五 【晴】

hey.


hummmm...
i m very sleepy. i know that i havent really looked into all the details, or organized all the information i
need, but i definitely need to finish all the stuffs tomorrow. i m really rushing the paper out tmr.
omg. i'm running out of time, while everyone started already, i'm still using so limited time rushing some
organizing things and writting the paper. hummm i'm actually worried. coz.. i really wanna get it done
well nicely. i really want to.. but just.... i m not sure if i could make it as great.
sigh.

the office is really busy today. crazy. i left at 7 30. hell, i actually couldnt leave at 7pm what.
=( but... okay... it's still better than leaving at 8 pm. and... yea... it wasnt too bad.
somehow, i m happier than before. but.. yea... it's really busy.

and then, humm i got a talk with Stephen today. we talk about the future plan and things.
there's something on our plan now, and im happy and excited to it. i would announce that while...
it comes to the right time =)
i dont ask for much.. just that little... that little
it's good. hopefully, things are getting better. i do hope it would. you know what...
the happiest time is... that i could be with him.. then saddest time is that i have to leave him.
i love my family and frineds in HK so much so much, but i couldnt bare that i wouldnt live with someone
i really love in my life. you know why i pick the card for him? that special card has something real
about my thinking on it. it's so great that helping me to say something i didnt know how to describe to him.
only he can read now, coz.. i send this card to the only him.

then.. back home... i ate alone, coz my family ate out, except me.
i actually appreciate the time i could stay alone home realxing, watching movie, eating some easy food.
and then yea.. have thought about the paper as well.
the movie is "The Presuit of Happyness." something like that by Will SMith.
it was a very touching movie. i read this story before on Reader's Digest. it was one of my fav. story.
then, yea, i have already known this story, but i still wanna watch it. and i finally got time to.
you know, i got this vcd like 2 months ago at least.

anyway... i'm going to sleep soon..
i wish to wake up earlier tmr in stead of staying up late today.
i need to get the paper done. Castor, you gotta believe yourself that you would make it.


thanks for Stephen..
i'm looking forward to seeing him soon, coz that would be my happiest time.
i know tmr would be very stressing, coz.. yea.. got so many to prepare.
my paper, and then in class, i will have like 2 mins to present my paper. i took that 2 mins seriosly.
and then.. i actually would have an appointment with Marry at 6 pm after class.
one hr, then,... rush back to my evening class. hummmm yea..
and then........................................... gotta rush getting gifts again~~~~ hum.
oh yea... class photo on Mon morning. and lunch gathering as well. hummmmm.
if i should wear a shirt or what?

anyway.. i love Stephen..
i wish that i could be with him now, and i know this day is so soon coming, like what he has told me
when i was leaving Van in April.

good night Cas...

by the way, thanks for Queenie, yea this year, she's not coming for our gathering "lady night" on 23rd.
hummm only Shan and me this year, but Queenie~~~~~ hee... she prepared us gifts ;) thanks.

thanks honey Stephen too ^^
hee.


Castor... go read some book in your bed, and take a good rest, tmr wake up with your full attention and
passion and your full energy to work on your paper. it would be great and wonderful, coz this paper
is truely well prepared and the most important is ... it's from you. you would make it, you just need a little faith.

good luck, Cas...

>>December 8, 2007 at 4:21:33 PM GMT+8

2007 年 12 月 6 日 星期四 【晴】

i'm suprised that i could type diary tonoight.
coz... usually ard 1 sth am, this site always have problems.


today is kindda crazy..
i have been so busy from the morning till the moment i left office. it was crazy.
coz.. in the morning, i was busy with some work, then after Ella left, i was so busy packing stuffs,
and writin some cards and also wrapping gifts. then i rushed to the post office.
then rushed having some nuggles and fries.
then back to work, working on some doc, then the kids come. then... have been assisting Ella in her
Art & Crafts class. then had been rushing other stuffs, taking care of the front, and then also
busy making coffee and preparing egg tarts for the teachers. ending no one wants the tarts,
and then.. Chrsitopher came. so i gotta take care of him as well. he's quite fine, quite nice.
he's the first person doesnt ask me to help photo copy worksheet, he did that by himself,
and he didnt ask me how to use it. he just walked into the front, i was fixing the flyers box at the
door. i saw him at my desk, i asked him if there's anything i can help, he said nope, and he was
trying to use that printer, and he asked me if he should make coppy for the kids, i said yes,
and i asked him if he's okay with the machine. he was fine. then i saw him a few times in the
store room, i dont know what was he doing inside. i was busy walking ard the office, this classroom
that classroom distrubiting notice for the kids, and delivery the coffee and tarts. i always find myself
as some house keeper. i always take care of the store room and the book shelfs, and also
the front, making sure eveything is fine and not messy. then, i take care of the coffee machine and
snack conner. i take care of the kids and any problems from the parents. ahhh...
i used to help the cleaning, but now i leave those to Richard.

by the way... Brett quit. well.. as same with Joey, all left that damn short notice.
it's just nasty of them doing that. it's so irresponsible and quite selfish actually.
whatever they need and want, within my ability, i do my best for them, and i thought they're good teachers.
but... now, i guess not. yes, i'm disappoited but.. its fine. Brett is still better than Joey.
and i bet Leona would do that one day since she finds us no values for her anymore.
actually she did once already, but she still got that face come working once a week. i'm suprised.
but she should know that we all dislike her, im sure she finds it true. coz... yea.. no one talks to her.
me? i dont talk for 2 secs more than necessary on phone. i hate freaking seeing her ever again.
Ella doesnt wanna speak to her as well. so does Joey. she's like a bitch. so... yea.. Ella doesnt like
her as well. Ella asked Brett to take the last cheque to Joey in stead. haha.. cool.. coz i dont wanna
see Joey too. she stepped on me. told lies behind me, put her fault on me. i found out from Ella.
her sister Leona, she was rude to Mandy. and then she stole my phone numbers without permission
from my office log-book, in front of Mandy. doesnt she know she was invading my privacy and my
office got the right to sue her due to some policy issues?
what a bitch. both of them lied more than one time, and think that i dont know. so dumb.


whatever it is... some parents stole my files, i saw her taking them, and i thought she was only reading.
we got private right actually. i didnt say a word. but then.. when i walked out form the classroom,
i didnt see the files on the shelf, and she was gone as well. then when she came back, she was
at the shelf again. i knew she took the files. but i didnt speak a word still. i was observing her.
then i went to the classroom again, when i came out this time, the files are well back, and she looked
afraid of something. i knew it was her, of course her.
so tonight... it was already 7 40, i was so busy all day long, and i still stayed at office making some
signs and notice stuffs till 8 30, working with Richard to stick them on the walls and the shelf as well.
crazy paretns stealing my work at office! JEES!


i spent 40 mins at post office today.. quite long... doing some postal stuffs. hummmmm..
i hope the stuffs would be delivered to the ppl soon... i'm not sure if Stephen likes my gift,
i'm quite sure Alesja would like the gift and Diana 's gonna be so excited about the gift !
haha... yea..


so crazy that.... Three of my classmates asking me about the Criticle Thinking Class Paper.
OMG!!!!!! they all started already, everyone get started, except me!
and damn! i find myself so slow...

anyway they asked me ques like i'd never asked. i dont know why they asked those honestly..
that sounds mean of me to say, but... true... that... some classmates dont quite listen in class.
i admit that sometimes i find them a bit noisy and a bit disrespect to the class and themselves.
if they have pay attention at what Pro Casey said, they wouldnt ask me those ques.
and the most rediculous thing is that... if they really be careful of the paper, such dangerous
qes they ask, they should directly ask Pro Casey, not me. he's not like Dr. Chan..
if you be careful of the topic, you gotta talk with him by yourself honestly.. i dont understand..
why they ask me those sensitive ques. and i feel so bad i couldnt ans them much, since.. you know..
i m kindda embarassed and i was too busy at office. they should make their own choices. i guess they were not
asking for advice, but looking for some true or false answer... but.. come on... read the requirments,
or talk with him would help the best, i m very sincere about that. that's all i would do if i were them.
He specific saying that it's all about the individual thinking. i only do discussion when i need to know
what others think, coz they got me stimulated sometimes. i dont buy others, i choose my own points.
it's criticle thinking anyway.. if you need help looking for a topic, we could discuss, but dont ask me
some ques like... i dont know how to ... you know.. it's your opinion with the reasoning, not mine.
it's your own style of writing. and MOST of the time... this kind of paper doesnt have
the absolute right or wrong, it depends on what words you choose for your sentences, and
what types of approach you're using, how strong your evidence is with your writing skills.
it's nothing about... how others see, but you. so.. when there were three of them come asking,
i was like... did i miss something in class? why they asked me? and usually no one asked me about
anything on other papers.. so... i was kindda impressed...
i'm so sorry... coz... i'm kindda worried if Karen is reading my diary. well i dont know, but i dont wanna
be rude to my friends, and i definitely dont wanna be mean. i just cant lie about about what i think
and find. i didnt tell them straigt at head, but just you know.. i was too busy at office. i'm absolutely
helpful anytime in needed, but.. for that part... i m not sure if i should just take long time figuring with them.
we're all fair doing the same paper, getting the same resource, fair oppo to acces help and info.
i'm helpful all the time to friends, but not those ques at the last min.
i'm so bad i know, but i'm so sorry to say i am so bad. i just cant be helpful this time.
i hope they could understand.. but.. if they dont... it's okay.. i could understand.
and i think my classmates should be fine, coz.. there's no real ans i can provide anyway.
they actually would know the ans without asking.


ahhhhhh~~~~~~
i write so long about my day today ~~~~


okay. one more thing .. i'm happy to watch an old movie, one of my fav, "Love Actually."
so lovely. i love it. hummmmm.. yea... i had sushi and tea tonight. parents' out. then..
only Miki and I were home. we had sushis and i have tea with ginerbread ~ lovely.


i'm actually working on my paper.. i have all the information i need for my topic actually.
i have read all the stuffs too, but just need to plan on the writing. and ... i let them on my brain,
i'm organizing all little pieces actually. what i'm worried is that i couldnt be fair enough,
coz... the evidence is not too strong to prove everything, which means, that if i wanna sucess
with my argument, i have to use strong writing skills and great argument tone.
and then, it would take very long time to write a good essay.. so.... that's my worry.
and Cas... you have to believe in yourself that you can make it, so does your paper have to be alive
convencing ppl. that's the power of words.


it's been so long havent stopped to realx myself.. after this paper donw, i'm promising myself
relaxing a bit... like... take some time only sleeping and relaxing.. maybe exercise, maybe ice skating,
maybe making some cookies or tarts, movies home, hanging out, anything i would be happy about.

i feel like ages havent talk with Stephen. but i dont know if he finds me irretated or what.
i left him mesg actually.. but.. yea.. dont know why. anyway, there's nothing i can do.
and i dont know what's wrong with myself if he doesnt let me know. maybe he doesnt wanna tell me,
or maybe just i'm too sensitive. but the girl instinct is like that, and guys re like that too.
so.. i dont know. i'm so freaking tired and busy. if he doesnt wanna talk with me, i dont wanna talk
with him too. i feel so tired doing all these loving things without responses.
it's been a week, yea?

>>December 7, 2007 at 6:53:36 PM GMT+8

2007 年 12 月 5 日 星期三 【晴】

i go to Sha Tin today...
spent almost 2 hrs++ in Marks & Spencers.
choosing gifts and trying some personal things hee.

then.. i also checked other stores.. and.. no i didnt buy anything..
then i had coffee at Starbucks, nice but not relaxing enough.
the ladies were talking too loud, i didnt intend to listen what their life's about, not my business..
but my ears were open whithout control...

then i went to IKea. i bougt two boxes, and some ginger bread as well.
then back to TP, back to office.. very tired..
and.. haha.. NONE of my students came today. haha.. strange but understandable.
then i had been working on the new banner and other things..
then... i went to the book store and got some warping sheet, then.. yea.. back to office..
wraping gifts for my students.
hummmmmmmmmmmmmm............ yes. i'm really tired.

anyway.. i havent started my paper. i want to do it so much but i'm running out of time.

Ella told me, we would have a party on 24th at her house. nice. =)

and the coming Mon, we would have photo shooting at school.
i guess it's the class picture. hummmm.

okay.. i m letting myself realx and sleep now..
*yawn~~~~~~
good night Castor~


"dont think of the ppl who dont think of YOU."
that's serious ! i heard it somewhere this afternoon.
it sounds cool to you know... being missed by ppl.. but if you're the one always missing somebody
but no one missing you, that's definitely NOT COOL. that's suck.
i dont wanna be that person... that's so mean..

anyway.. i'm trying to enjoy my life.
i accept that everyday is so brand new, since no one day is exactly as same with another day.
everyday is just different.. meeting diff ppl, diff ppl walking by, eating diff food, seeing diff things..
playing with diff kids, doing diff work, blah blah blah...
but the same thing unchanged is... i'm still so me, so castor.
still the one in ppl' heart, hopefully. still the one ppl would like to be with, hopefully.
still the one ppl love and cherrish, hopefully.

>>December 7, 2007 at 6:25:03 AM GMT+8

2007 年 12 月 4 日 星期二 【晴】

hi

i m very tired today.
i didnt wanna work today.. coz... just too tired...
but then yea.. rushing back to work.

had been doing my own stuff... then lunch with mom..
then back to office waiting for Christopher, but he couldnt come.
then i worked on other things as well..
then had class with Alex. he was okay. i was too tired. he behaved better...
then... i went to the stationary store, and bought some stuffs for the new banner.

tmr... i will take half day off.. so that.. i could relax a bit and do my shopping for Stephen.
hopefully Shan would join me. and i heop i could have fresh hot cake for breakfast tmr..
mc donald's hot cake. nice morning. hummm i'm so damn tired..
but i know i would enjoy my little free tme tmr~ hee.

anyway... yea... i'm thinking of him...
hummmmmmmmm.

few days ago.. i was thinking of my facebook stuffs.
like.. some frineds did ask me about... my status and why..
humm i didnt tell her much since we were not too close.
the thing is........................ i m kindda confused wether i should say i'm in a relationship or..
i just better dont show it. if i say i'm in a realtionship, ppl might ask me ques then i need to explain.
if i say i'm single, then for me it's like i m not loyal or not proud of my relationship, which is not true.
if i put in an open relationship, it's even worse. i'd never be in an open relationship..
so.. i used not to put relationship status. coz i wanna avoid all the ques. since Stephen actually put
Single.. i dont wanna put in a realtionship. the friends who know me then they know i'm with
him. but some frineds know a bit only. then the fact is.. he puts single then i put in a relationship
that makes me strange. so.. i prefer not to put any. but recently i chatted with Stephen..
then he told me it's not that important. i understadn what he means. for me it's not too important,
unless my partner would consider as important. so, obviously he doesnt think it's important, then..
yea.. i just wanna leave it. but i wasnt happy honestly. i wondered why... it's single anyway..
coz i'm not telling ppl that i'm single. anyone asked about my status, i said i have a boyfriend.
i dont tell them i'm single. i dont care if my partner doesnt tell the whole world that we're together,
but.. if ppl ask about that, and he says he's single.. then i would wonder if i am really bad that he is
so embarassed to let ppl know about us? i wondered putting single as he did, but i really dont wanna
do that, then i just said it's complicated. i think it's more like a committment for me. hummm.. yea..
but i dont know.. sometimes what it is important to me that might not be as important to others.
but i think i would hide the status again soon. these conflicts could exist for long. i think this issue
shouldnt be bothering us long, so... its constructiviness is done, then i just wanna let it done.
maybe i should see his profile again. but yea.. i'm not on his friend list anyway..
should i add him? hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
castor... relax.. take a rest.. it's late now... 2 24am. rest.

btw... i still... cant forget what hapened on that night.. at home i mean..
everytime when i thought of that senario, i m so scrared.. like... it's not what i wanna see and hear.
and it's like... i cant get over it. just.. i try to pretend as nothing happened.. but it does impress me,
not as in a very possitive way.. but the way i mean.. just... scared me.
and then these few days i try and try to be nothing happened.. i pretend things go fine as usual..
but i know it's not. the harm has done its impact. i dont know what i should do actually..
i'm thinking... to talk with Mary next Mon when i see her. hummmm....

then i recieve the next term time table..
well.. i'm supposed to have 1 more course, and one special project to get it done.
but then.. two courses offered are very attractive. one is the Developmental Psych: Adulthood.
the other one is US Government. the thing is... it would be nice if i could take Dev Psych.
coz i m thinking to do a master degree later on Developmental Psychology, (Educational Psych.)
so.. yea.... and i'm in young adulthood. it's another good chance for me to learn more about myself,
and others. so it really attracts me, time to do some self reflection again, so can check what i have
missed in my life, and then i could catch up better ? i dont know.. we always mention about the
self awareness, and self concent, and self esteem. then.. it always inspire me on lots of life issues.
so i can write something more insightful on my essays and exams. hummm..
but US Government sounds fun. coz i d never touched any political sub before. but.. i quite enjoy
the thinking pattern i m learning from Critical Thinking class with Prof Casey. so.. i wanna take
US Government. hummmmmmm i m still considering on the timing and stuffs.

good night Cas..
hope that Stephen is fine. i miss him....

>>December 5, 2007 at 6:50:56 PM GMT+8

2007 年 12 月 3 日 星期一 【晴】

All I Want Christmas is You.


hi...
today have classes... god... sooooo tired...
well.. try my best still.
it was nice, got lots of discussion actually.
they talk about me in class again, my groupmate said... humm Castor cant show stereotypes.
we were discussing on some common stereotypes on social level, including at home, school,
and work, etc. then... in the discussion, Karen and i had different opinions, based on the year gap,
and stuffs.. so.. somehow i couldnt agree with her. but then Dr. Chan came listen to our discussion..
then.. she told him that we got some small problems, and blah blah blah..
then yea she said i am so fair to the points, so i couldnt come up with some stereotypes..
but then.. yea Dr. Chan said yes Castor is very good at this, she can balance both sides.
she can always come up with possitive ways, keep it. it's good... and blah blah blah,
then he asked us try to change to another perspective, the question is chaged too, and blah..
so... i was thinking.. thanks for the compliment, i really dont think those could be stereotypes,
coz... just not true reflecting the current situation in HK. it might be on text books before, but..
you know.. if you ask about HK, you need to think.. base on HK and about the present now, not in the
past. i dont care which generation you're from, but just ... the points you mentioned are just
changing in years actually. so.. i couldnt say you're fault, but just not the best.
hummmm... yea.. and then... they asked me to keep my points, mean... they think it's my special trait.

anyway... after school... i went to TST..
i got coffee from Starbucks. nice.. it s been 1 month not having coffee from there.
i went to the book store, Page One. i bought a very interesting book as the christmas gift for my sis.
then... saw some super nice lotion from diff stores... but yea.. i have too much diff fav already..

i went to Marks & Spencers again.. i was checking new stuffs there..
i found one guy's shirt. it's really nice. i really wanna get it for Stephen actually.
but there is another thing from Esprit suitable for him too.
so.. i wanted to go to Esprit.. but then.. they are closed for staff dinner... so.. yea...
i was supposed to go to Prince Edward teaching tonight.. but i'm really too tired, i felt sick..
so i just went home.

i'm thinking... i'm running out of time for the christmas gifts..
i might need to take half day off on Thursday, so that i would have time to buy a gift, and send it
on this Fri. i dont wanna be late. i have already done for Alesja and Diana.. still thinking which one
i will get for Stephen, hee.
this year, i dont think i would post card to Cyn or Ade, or Cap, or Vic...
i would send one to... Lisa, Kiana, Angeline. maybe... to Hak Gon and Jason as well... they're my
good friends when i was in Vancouver.. and i still have their address.. so yea...
and then... hummmmm i m thiking of the gift for Ella, and Shan, and my sis Miki. still choosing.

but i'm happy that CHRISTMAS is COMING!! =)

>>December 5, 2007 at 6:51:38 PM GMT+8

2007 年 12 月 2 日 星期日 【晴】

something terribble happened last night.
we got a very big arguement at home. hummmm for the detials, i really dont wanna mention anymore.
i e-mailed Stephen about that.. and i have only talk with Alesja and Shan.
perhaps things re fine now. well i should pretend nothing happened? or... actually i should do something?

anyway, i got an e-mail from school. the grade report is released, and then i onlt had one course last
term. it was PSY 432 Personality. i got an A =) hee. only 3 studnets got A this time, not as what i expected.
i thought maybe many students can get A, since quite some of them are already working in this feild.
anyway, i was happy that i did an A.

then.. yea... yesterday i spent a whole day home working on my paper..
there was a movie, one of my fav movies "Love Actually" was tv, but i missed it.
then.. now i'm at computer lab still working on it. ahhhh... gotta hand it in an hour.
well i've been trying so hard. it's stupid that here school doesnt let us use the wireless connection.
i hate this. i bring my own lap top, but still need to work in the computer lab. it doesnt make sense....
but fine, as long as i could use the usb drive transfer my file to the lab and send the e-mail then it's
fine. hummmm... today the Criticle thinking class was very very tiring as usual.
hummm it was challenging, coz.. i was so tired. i only slep like less than 4 hrs last night, not even a shift.

we got a mid term this morning. hummmmmmm i didnt have much time to prepare, but it was open notes,
so... it was still okay. i pour out some examples from class as well, so i didnt really apply the examples
on the hand out. and actually the hand out doesnt give very direct information, so i feel like even you
have the hand out, it doesnt mean it would be really helpful unless you really understand what the
words and ideas mean on the hand out, and then you could apply your own reasons and examples..
so.. yea... good luck... i have tried my best already. hee =)

then... yea... try to concentrate, i pay attention hard, then, did lots of class work, and reading as well.
i like this professor. he is a very good teacher. i like his way of teaching. i learn so much more,
coz it got my brain doing lots of logical work, i like it. it's challenging and i love theseeee...
one of the funny parts was trying to identify different types of syllogies, and then... rewrite some
irational clauses into some logical syllogies. it was challenging. i almost made it, but haha.. just...
couldnt be perfect as the modle answer. i admire those ppl who are so well done in words.
for me, i really work hard to wordings, so that i can express myself much better in words.
well, improving my language skill, that's very important and challenging. i love this hard work.

hummmm
it was a serval times trying to catch up with Stephen, but i guess wrong timing, so.. we didnt talk.
i dont know why it would become important to talk with him, since i dont like to talk when i'm busy
with different things being so stressed. really, i dont talk much with my family or friends or classmates
when i'm busy at school for different things. but.. i just think of Stephen a lot. ahhhhh... but i know..
that i should focus on my school work when i'm at school, and i m fine. so yea.. missing him is missing
him, but i still could focuson my jobs here, i m fine. i ust miss him anyway~~~
it sounds kindda silly why i would wanna talk with him while there is nothing much much much
important to talk about... but just.... the connection means alot to me i guess?
i dont know, i guess he's just not as talkative sometimes, and ... yea..
anyway.. i just dont wanna be like so obsessive to him? i dont wanna make him feel pressured with
me, since it's not my idea, so... yea.. guess leaving some spaces is necessary.
ahhh~~~ i miss him so much~~~

and... i'm okay.. i wish i could start my criticle thinking paper soon right after tmr class done.
coz the thing is... tis paper is a hard one for me, the topic and information are heavy, and then...
i would need sometime to organize my thinking and think of the sentences and statements i m gonna
write, and its reasonings.. hummm.. so.. one week might not be enough.
just try my best then. it's fine wether it would be the greatest one in class or not. dont care if i have
already done my best. so now i just gotaa make sure i would do my really best in this coming week.
then everything would be just fine.

okay, 45 mins to go prepare for the presentation. now i gotta try my best to do some last editing...
good luck Cas.


i .... hee.. miss him.

>>December 3, 2007 at 10:11:31 AM GMT+8

2007 年 12 月 1 日 星期六 【晴】

hi.

i just woke up at 1 pm, then has been working on my paper a whole day.
till now it's 8 hrs... but yea.. still got much to work on.
i actually have done the drafting, still editing and... sigh.. trying to write a better strcture.

then.. i still need to write a better copy of my report for last class. tmr got Criticle thinking class again.
so yea.. need to hand that report. then i would have a mid term tmr morning. hummm i gotta prepare
a bit later. i know i dont have enough time, but yea.. just wanna do my best, my really best.
i'm happy actually. i dont panic this time =)

then, yea...
saw Ade on line.. you know what.. i was just too busy... i misunderstood the day she left Van.
when i called again, she just left Van already. i saw her on line just now. we talk for a short while.
she's back to SG. hummm i have some kind of sadness..
it's that... not about losing a friend in Van, but... the friendship use to be in Vancouver, but now..
she is not in Vancouver anymore. somehow.... i still always think of the memorries when we girls
are there together, having fun and tears together. i really miss those time, but it would be just hard
to go back there with all of us. maybe after many years? it's like... there is a dream belongs to us,
memorries belong to us. the fun time and the sad time. they are so alive. everything is still fresh in my mind.
and now.. we are all apart from there, that place. but then... yea... memorries are still fresh.
like... i still could tell the first day we met, the things we did, the silly jokes and the crying.
last time, this spring, i wanted to go over Ade's place.. but i didnt go. one of the reason why is..
Cyn is no longer living with Ade. i didnt go to Metro Town, coz... Victoria is no longer living in Joyce
Station too. i usued to live with these girls in their places. i didnt really go back to the place i used to
live in Richmond, coz... it would be only me there. things and ppl are changed, so where s the point
to be back those places thinking of them by myself? in Spring, i did go to many places by myself,
espeically in downtown Robson. i thought of Alesja and Jason alot. Also Dong Eon, Kiana, Taku,
and other VPC friends are on my mind.. we used to hang out on every weekends.
you know... that kind of.... 失落感. it's like... there was only me.

i'm so afraid... when i go to Van again next year... Cap would be in the US, Cyn might be back to SG
as well, then... Kiana might be in China.. all my close friends there would disappear.
i would be very sad sometimes. and then... i would have Stephen. of course he's the reason why
i would be in Vancouver again. i fly over coz of seeing him and spending time together.
hummmmm anyway... yea...

i talked with Sheila as well. haha. i forgot next next week i would have some important paper to do..
so i might not be able to hang out with her. omg.. i dont have much time to enjoy in Dec.
humm i would try to get the christmas presents done soon. i have some ideas actually.
just wanna get time to prepare. maybe on Tue after class and before teaching in Price Edward.
i have done Alessja and Diana' gift. =) i m going to post them on Wed.
and actually i have to get Stephen's done soon too. i have got a very speical card for him..
but still thinking of some choices of gifts hee. then.. yea.. thinking of others gift too.
i just hope i could enjoy my christmas this year. i have too much school work to do this term.
hummm i want a nice nice christmas, a happy and warm one. i wish i could spend time with
family, frineds and Stephen. i just miss him.


yea.. i need to work on my papaer again after dinner.
i'm eating dinner now.

>>December 2, 2007 at 1:21:48 PM GMT+8

2007 年 11 月 30 日 星期五 【晴】

hi.

it has been busy days at work.
god... yesterday, got some emergency, so.. Ella couldnt work in the afternoon.
so.. we took lots of preperation work to do before she left. i took over the interview in lunch time,
well that guy said he would be here soon so i waited at the office at lunch time, but then... he was ..
actually not early. so.. i had 45 mins for him then i rushed out to get materials for the arts & crafts
class. i took that class with three little kids, 4 y.o. hummm we made ginger bread man with clay.
it was only me in the office, so.. it was kindda difficult to handel but fine.
but then... the class was a bit late to end, so... when they left, i got other students waiting outside,
they were rnning around, kindda caios. coz.. the thing is.... May needs to take two classes at the
same time, we combined two phonic class together, 12 kids, ard 6 and 7 y.o.
and i gotta explain to the paretns, and then.. i have another class with another teacher waiting for
room as well. so at the same time before my arts & crafts, the other two rooms were occupied.
so yea... ahhh yea... then.. i still need to take care of the front.
then, i asked Shan to come helping me to take care of the front, coz the thing is i need to tidy up
the class room and prepare stuffs for other stduents and teachers. then i have a guy coming
replacing Ella, but he was late... so... i was in that class doing reading & writing with them.
and he was finally 1 hr late, while i could send the kids out. then he came and i put him to the
other class with a one-on-one student. hummmmm.. after all...
things were fine, then... i sent him to his bus stop.
we are getting two new male native teachers, Christopher is british, michale is canadian.
both are really forigener teachers. good good good.

today i was on time, actully i m always on time nowadays.
then... it was busy the whole dya, and finally i leave at 7 50, almost 8 pm man...
so.. i actually work 1 hr extra =( too busy.
and i cant just leave my job undone. i left some to Shan, hope she can catch up a bit, i mena help me
a bit.. sigh.. just dont have that much time to do so much stuffs.

i made coffee today.. i just like coffee in the afternoon.. it keeps me warm and wakes me a bit.
but then mom complaint to me i drink too much coffee. not too much actully.

hummmm i m not in a good mood recently. i m fine at work, just too busy.. stressed and ...
very tired everyday. and then... i am always thinking of the paper and mid term.
tmr got a sunday off, but i'm gonna stay home doing my paper, and revision for mid term.
screw that, i dont have enough time i 'm so sure about that now. i still remember how to write a
good essay. it takes time. i mean it. and look at my rushed up job, how good it could be?
i'm kindda frustrated sometimes. coz.. it's not i am lazy ard, but i m just too busy with other thigns
that really distract me from my study. like.... i knwo what i would do and what i can do if i just have
more time on my study.it's really a big pity for me, coz i do want to put much more time and effort on
my each papers, but i just dont give myself time for that. not that i dont want, but no time, and the
envioronment just doesnt allow me to. so... i dont know.. i feel so sorry for that.
it's like so pity and such a waste. i could do much better but i just cant. it's a really big waste.
i wonder if i would regret one day later on. i really wanna only focus on the study.. but... i d never be.
sigh. i hope someday i could just sit and do my research whole day long till i finish some great thesis.
it's scary and kindda crazy. but i would love to if it's gonna be my interest.

anyway anyway anyway.. i dont wanna be the geek. so.... sigh i dont know.. see what would
happen next. i dont wanna give myself too much pressure. i do have plan, and i m trying to work on it
better, so that thigns could go smooth. even if things dont go well, i still have other plans.
but yea... the best is to be peaceful. coz.. everyday is just another new day, and i would just take
them as they come. i love my life, and i love my ppl and stuffs. i still want a bright future with my
future husband and kids. i want my family, my parents and sisters happy. i wanna do so many
things and i'm so committed to a happy life. humm maybe finally i couldnt be working in the helping
profession, or i couldnt be doing my ideal job, but still would be very happy to be a happy mom and
a nice wife. i know myself very well on this.

hummmmm yea..
i gotta do more revision for my mid term on Mon, then... i need to rush the paper tmr.
omg. i would have like les than 12hrs to write my paper in 1 day. how i'm gonna make it good?
i guess i could only try my best with luck.
relax castor, your school work is a good one, i hope it wont bring you huge stress.

oh yea.. gotta remind myself a briefing appointment with Christopher on Wed afternoon.


i miss my friends, and.. i .. miss him.

>>December 1, 2007 at 1:40:26 PM GMT+8

2007 年 11 月 29 日 星期四 【晴】

am i stupid?
i'm asking questions to myself that...
what does that mean? and why isnt that important?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

anyway..
i was very busy at work today.
i have some painting to do, and i have some normal things to do.. and i have two classes.
i was happy about that classes, coz they're fine.
Winnie bougt me some tofu pudding too. thanks her so much.
then after work, i met Shan for dinner.
it was nice to meet her, but the food was not okay.
before dinner, i picked up my name stamp and made another name stickers for Diana.

got home got a small fight with mom and my sister. it was nothing big but just.. not very happy about
my sister always asking questions without trying to solve problems on her own first.
it was pissing me off with her rude attitude. then mom was on her side. said like i didnt teach her.
i helped her everytime she came to me, but i also noticed that she wasnt using her brain to try things.
i asked her lots of questions, i need her to find out her own answer for herself, then mom thought
i was fooling her. i was angry. even if my 7 y.o. students, they could do that, why not a 14 y.o. girl?
just by writing some simple sentence, with all the vocab she understands, she doesnt give a try.
why would you think i should tell her the answer straight away? forget it.
what time is it? 12 am, what the hell she was doing all day long before?! crazy. dont blame me.


back to my questions..
i just saw something, and i found out there's some problems..
i try to ignore them, but.. i have questions in my head.

>>November 29, 2007 at 6:28:30 PM GMT+8