i'm still moody today. i didnt sleep well. i was tossing and turning till 4 sth, then... kept waking.
rushing to work.. making tea... packing things...
i dont know if my student would come today, coz usually he skips class after his exam.
last time, before his exam, i promised him that i would bring him to the garden to play with the bubbles.
then... this morning, i should call the old college and the new college to... deal with the credits transfer.
it's super stupid. then... i should read some books, coz... i have to explain to my cousin about the
books and exercise later. but i'm just in a bad mood. i dont know why.
and yea... it's been a whole month not seeing Mary, and... i told her last time i would call her last two weeks,
but i didnt.. i should probably ... call and make an appointment with her.
i feel so stupid today. it's stressed.
be right back.
>>January 9, 2008 at 3:45:03 AM GMT+8
2008 年 1 月 7 日 星期一 【晴】
hi.
this is Castor again.
finally, i saw Stephen on line again. he's fine. we used webcam for awhile.
i blogged on my msn space. well.. i havent updated since May.
it's okay. coz... this time i mainly reply my last Christmas entry.
here got password, and i dont know how many ppl come to read actually.
i dont really... you know... i cant make a guess who comes, who doesnt.
honestly, not much ppl have my password here, and i guess those ppl, less than 10, might not
actually come. say.... i guess my 5 cloest friends or best friends dont come at all.
only Queenie is here hahaha... but then... i dont understand... my other 3 friends...
do they really come? i dont think so too. so...... well.... it's a myth like... why this site is still attractive.
let me answer this question... haha.. coz... Castor is charming. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
*bingo. hahahahhahahaha..
no... actually even if here has no one, it's still my place, a private place for me.
since i have set up passwords, i dont mean to allow nyone easily break in, right?
so.. i dont really expect ppl reading my life as detail as i do. and... it's nice to keep here clean.
simple is the best. it's the best that i could type whatever i want here.
recently, i find that i love daisy flowers, those small white and yellow flowers.
i know in Chinese culture it's a bit strange for me to like daisy. coz usually ppl use them to make tea,
or bring them to the grave. but i dont know why i just love them. they're small and simple.
last time when Stephen mentioned the dirt in his garden, i thought of the flowers. i dont even know
if he knows what kinds of flowers i like or what kind of food i like. maybe he knows hee.
i met Capella these two days. she's leaving again this week. i will miss her alot.
before we met, i didnt expect a lot.. coz i am so tired to hang out honestly.
i dont wanna go shopping (well i cant,) and i m just...... lazy...
i wanna go out, but not too far from Tai Po. then... lucky that we met at TST yesterday for a few hrs,
and today we met at Sha Tin for a few hrs. today i just find that it was a long time we havent
met since summer, and i actually miss her lots. and... i will miss her.
it was a very terrible time in summer actually. and i was so lucky that she was here for me.
then... when she left, she was going to start her school in US actually. so... for the both us...
it was like the time to say bye to our memorries in Vancouver. then.. at that time, i was depressed,
with lots of other issues. so... i was so depressed and... easy broken. it was a really hard time.
then... this time... i didnt expect much when i see her. she's like my old friend already.
and of course she's one of my cloest friends. i still talk with her alot on line or on phone.
i really wish her fine and happy there. she's a really good friend of mine. i will miss her again since she left.
actually we only met two days... maybe.. only... 8 hrs or so in these two days.. so... a bit less.
see if this spring she might go back to Van for summer. we might be able to meet in Van.
hopefully yes. coz.... i would really want to see her there too... Vancouver is always a happy place
for me.. but it could be a place full of sad cloud, especially when your friends who used to share
your best memorries are all gone. it's even more depressing than the cloudy rainy days.
i taught at Prince Edward last night after meeting Cap. hummmmm discussing something with him.
i actually planed to resign at there, coz... the class size is still small, and itsnt going well..
i mean the whole plan of the english courses. it worries me, especailly... there're some other things
happening, and i know that he's not that countable. well... he'd never been. he couldnt gain my trust.
but now i really need the money, and i still believe in the market there... so....
so... i'm thinking... i will keep teaching till March, so that i could see... if we could achieve what i aim.
otherwise, i would just leave. coz anyway i would go over to Van for a few months....
i just got my money from Nov. next week, i m going ot get Dec. then i said i would need them to issue
me a piece of paper to prove me taken the money. well.. i think i have to protect myself anyway.
then.... yea........... tonight, i taught Richard Chinese. i stayed home this afternoon preparing, before
meeting Cap. he's doing not bad actually, quite fast. i'm happy. then, yea... i need to thanks Ella.
coz she gave me this job, so that i could have extra income. and i need this money.
i have already reached my aim... i remember i have aimed to get... ard $5600/ month after back to school.
(almost the same with the period that i was working full time). and... the thing is... i set up the time
line was the end of 2007. and... yea... just at the end of Dec.. i think... i have ard.... $5500/ month.
so.. i aim that... before Dec 08, i would be getting at least $8000, even if i dont leave Elchards.
if i leave, then i might be able to get ard $10000, especially if i can get into Cathay Pacific.
i dont know... let's wait and see what i would do.
i'm sure in this coming months, i m gonna experience many many changes again.
i'm not sure if i could handel them.
i find them heavy.... very...
i might drop the US Government, coz.. i might be taking over credits. omg.. it's so troublesome..
i m so headache in it.
and then.............. yea... some other thigs are stressing me.
>>January 8, 2008 at 6:05:02 PM GMT+8
2008 年 1 月 4 日 星期五 【晴】
hey...
last night... i worked out for.... 40 mins, and i read the number, it was 230 cal burned.
yay~ but i dont trust it too much, coz it shouldbe burning after the first 12-15 mins.
but the number drops while i just started.
then i made the tuna salad, and slept.
this morning, i made that tuna sandwiches and tea for lunch, and i made extra bread with jam
for breakfast. yummy. then.. worked. it was a bit busy. when i reached the office, Sophia
asked me to help making coffee for her. hummmm and then.. just busy.
i went to the book store in my lunch time. i was searchung for a book. but yea... still considering
to buy it or not. i'm interested in this book, but probably i wont have that free time afterward to read.
then, i bought hot soy milk, non-milk actually. it tasted so good. it keeps me warm. i love it.
i have been drinking hot soy milk for lunch 3 times a week.
the new teacher Christopher is back. he brought us some dried mangoes. he's more polite today.
maybe coz of last time... i dont know. his friend, Jonathan was nice. he's a nice teacher.
yea. i see Stephen's on line still as brb since last night. i'm a bit worried for him now.
it's like... he has been out last night for food till tonight there. i tried calling.
>>January 5, 2008 at 9:50:06 AM GMT+8
2008 年 1 月 3 日 星期四 【晴】
hi.
today was a bit busy. it was a bit crazy plus a little bit fun.
i worked in the morning, and having my fav. chocolate tart with english breakfast tea for breakfast.
then i worked, and then had lunch with my family. it was busy before left, lots of phone calls and
inquiries. then back to work, Alex came at 3 30pm.. it's his last lesson before his exam, so we worked
hard together. this boy was so funny. we laughed so long.. he was naughty but still alright. haha.
hummm busy busy till 9 sth pm. yes, it was very busy till 8pm, then i had class from 8- 9 with Richard.
he tried his best. he's not bad actually. much better than lots of ppl. so i guess he would be fine soon.
he would get more used to Chinese sounds. so yea, i m not too worried for him. and perhaps, next time
i could prepare more for him. i actually did lesson plan and prepared worksheet for him. so... yea...
i guess it should be fine, hopefully.
i called Stephen today, i dont know how he has been doing. i didnt see him on line for 6 days or 7days.
so.. yea.. i just called him... then... i saw him on line. we didnt really talk. i just know he has been
working. i dont know. mom mentioned about him last night. then... she asked me some ques about him
and i dont even know the answer. i think it was not important, but mom asked me if it's not important
then why i seem afraid to ask. i guess i was not afraid to ask, but just i didnt feel like to ask.
it's something i would like to know, but not very very important, so... yea..
anyway, i would like to know. and i m not always talkative.. maybe that's my problem..
i dont know anyway.. i dont wanna force ppl talking with me if i seem not welcomed.
i think... if a person who wanna talk, s/he would just talk to you. but then... the question is...
why the person stop talking.
okay.... last night, i had exercised as well. and tonight, now it's 12 30am...
i m a bit sleepy already.. coz i worked 10 hrs today, and ..... tmr i have to get up at 9am..
i wonder if i sleep at 1 am, then i could only exercise for 36mins. not enough to burn 200cal.
hummmmmmm... i might need to do it faster.
actually it's not that harsh, coz i do with with the tv, hahaha. i actually watch tv while i'm exercising.
cool.
i miss him... but i'm okay, i mean i m not as obsessive. i wouldnt be too worried, well still a bit worried.
but just not too worried or i wouldnt be totally upset not seeing him on line. i m more okay. i am more
grounded with myself, which is good. but.. yea...
>>January 4, 2008 at 4:35:39 PM GMT+8
2008 年 1 月 2 日 星期三 【晴】
hi...
i m very sleepy.
i slept early last night. i think i'm gaining weight, so.. i started exercising.
we actually got a machine at home like... cycling. so... i " was riding" for 50 mins before i slept.
i just need to exercise. i wanna lose some weight, i am 106 lbs, i wanna be ard 100lbs.
back to work, nothing special, just got another big gift from Ella. lots of chocolate and cookies.
it's from Christmas though. then had class with Alex. hummm i would have a new student, Richard.
hahaha, i m going to teach him speaking Cantonese. haha i taught my Korean friends speaking
Mandarin and Cantonese when i was in VPC, my school in Vancouver. it was fun.
they taught me Korean, i taught them Chinese. we actually seat down and wrote after school.
it was really good memorries.
then... yea. i started planing for things.
then, i also caculate the money i would need to save. i found my budget is really really tight.
i really need extra income to stablize my financial status in this few months, at least 3 months.
my expenses is not that high, still much to pay off. the transportation is expensive, now i stop taking
taxi. but going to school is expensive. then, meals as well. the main two things. so, after that,
hopefully i could save up all the rest, otherwise, i might not be able to get the ticket.
and not only the ticket, i actually need the currancy. so that's another thing.
no shopping, no taxi, no starbuck coffee. i'm going to be... ready to be a simple girl without all the
fablilous stuffs. well, it's not easy, but i believe that i will still shine. it wouldnt be too bad though.
it's just another way to experience life.
hummm i just wanna relax, dont wanna stress about my final exams. i just feel very bad about that.
but i cant do nothing now. i could but i couldnt as well that's why i was sad.
now it's just done, so... should i be happy?
sharing a chinese song here.
一朝驚醒已在目前 怎麼走了這麼遠
屈指一算突然發現 很多好戲已上演
離原本想的有些遠 好比揀選歌舞的路線
但拍了一齣打鬥片
last night, we had a big dinner at home. got pizza, sushis, vegi, chicken.
we were very full, quite nice. then.. we count down together. it was ok.
i slept ard 2am? then... i woke up ard 2pm. haha... almost 12 hrs i guess. lovely.
new year here... i havent made my resolution yet.
Calais just gave me a call. he's back in HK now!
i knew this buddy long time ago. he went to Australia.
maybe we can try to catch up. and then...
Cap is in HK as well. haha... i wanna meet Cap. i miss her.
hummmmmm...
tonight will have hot pot again! YAY!
yesterday i left honey mesg in my lunch time before the sec exam, i dont know if he has recieved.
it was actually really bad. i was so... frustrated, you know.. i wana study but i couldnt, i tried so hard.
then i wanna relax, i couldnt as well. it's so stressful. and my classmates were chatting and studying..
i was lonely. i didnt need anyone specific sitting with me... just that.... it was a very difficult moment.
i stucked at there. i hope honey could understand me, i dont know if he does. he didnt reply me in the end.
i m feeling better today after rest, still a bit upset. i guess... after a few days i would be feeling better.
not in a good mood, but i should be okay.
one of my fav. movie is on.... "Troy."
>>January 1, 2008 at 7:17:00 AM GMT+8
2007 年 12 月 30 日 星期日 【晴】
hey..
i have experienced the worst final exam i ever had.
the morning one was not good but still okay. i was the last three students fighting till the last min.
the afternoon one was just screwed. i d never be so blank, never be... a bit shame.
i left pretty early, like.. i only wrote for 2 hrs? i... i cant remember.
i usually write 7-8 pages. today.. i wrote less than 5 pages, and i was un-certain of what i write.
this time... the ques were not hard, still very different and harder than normal, i do appreciate
these kind of questions. but the only thing made me fail was... i was... just... unable to remember
what i have read. and actually... these ques were not covered too much in class.
these actually require us insights and extra knowledge outside the class. so..... i dont know..
i wasnt sure what the ques were asking.. i didnt know what to ans.. i thought for so long..
and i made up my own answer, what i thought, how i percieved, this and that... those... makes me..
feeling i was so pointless or just... not the thing the questions want. sigh.
i think.. in this term... i probably would get... Cs.
you know... i am at the buttom line of As or Bs. not only one course, but all three course, i am there..
ard 88 or 89% of the whole course, at each courses of the total three.
now.. i screwed at least 2 courses, so.. from Bs to Cs.
i was thinking... my performance in these three courses have been quite out standing, i might be able
to have 3 As. that i had never had before. and this is the final term i would have 3 courses at the time.
so.... .......... the dream or aim is off.
Avery left me a mesg on Facebook, Karen as well.
thanks my classmates.... no i wasnt feeling well. i really really had lots wanna do, and i had the time,
but i just... couldnt put them into mind. i m so sorry for myself actually. i hate this.
well... i m not blaming anyone. i m just unhappy. i think i will be okay after a few days...
2008 is coming within 4 hrs.
bye 2007.
my resolution is coming soon too.
>>December 31, 2007 at 12:22:32 PM GMT+8
2007 年 12 月 29 日 星期六 【晴】
hello.
i slept at 5 30, ard 5 30am..
then i woke ard 10 30am.
i'm so tired.
i have drank so much coffee these few days. i used to have like... 1 cup a day, for school day,
or hlaf cup at work sometimes. but then.. these two days, i kept making coffee.
i drink a cup almost in every hr. and i m still sleepy in every hr.
i just finished the revision and my own summary on notes, but still have two long long articles to read
for tmr. ahhhh i dont think i have time for it actually. coz i still havent started any pages for the sec
exam tmr afternoon. i just done the ID 301 Criticle Thinking, but PSY 201 Adjustment.. i m just about
to start. and now it's 6 05 pm. man... i'm running out, i m really running out of time.
as same as PSY 355, 8 topics covered, 3 essays out of 5. hummmmmmm. i m not sure if i m able to..
you know... finish my revision tonight. it would be damn tired tmr, coz.. morning got Criticle Thinking
exam, then afternoon here Adjustment exam comes. sigh.
i couldnt really study last night after ard 2 sth am. and i started to cry. then i chatted with Alessja.
i was so.... sad. i think it's kind of stupid that i have checked that asshole's site yesterday.
but at least now i know what the truth is, and there's no more ques anymore. cool but.. hurtful.
then, yea, thanks Alesja that was here for me. we chatted for long... she's really my best friend.
we used webcam as well. then, i called Stephen. i talked with him.. then i felt much better.
it's like magic. i just feel much better after that. hummm i understand what he means. he 's right.
and i was glad that he was there for me. i love him.
hummmmmm ... i gotta go back to study..
sigh. now i would start the PSY 201 Adjustment.
i feel sick. i m so stressed..
i really wanna give up. i still have much to study.. but i am very tired and stressed.
i want to rest instead. i want to give up.
>>December 30, 2007 at 3:43:25 PM GMT+8
2007 年 12 月 28 日 星期五 【晴】
hi.
i had my exam in this afternoon. i was thinking.... this time i must screw.
i was stressed, but... i didnt care much. i just try to study, and i relaxed.
i didnt really prepare well, so... i was wishing luck.
i understoof the concept of each things, but just not really able to remember all.
i m so forgetful, poor memorry, and that's why my Chinese CE sucks.
anyway.... it wasnt too bad as i thought. i spent a whole 3 hrs time writing 7 pages.
it was okay, i wrote everything that i could cover of. i have tried my best.
i dont think i'm lazy, so i dont wanna blame myself. i know i could do better next time, and i would.
after the exam, back to Tai Po to have early dinner with my sister Miki.
we had Taiwanese food with bubble tea. there's bubble tea is the best i have tried in HK.
i'm glad. coz... the best i ever had was in Vancouver.
then we walked home. and we rested and watched Spiderman 3. i have this dvd so long time ago,
but i d never watched. so bad. i want it so bad, and finally i decide to take a rest, aqueeze some time
to watch it tonight before start myself panicing into exams again.
i love spiderman. so poor that Harry died, but at least he found out the truth, and he turned good.
i was happy that he came out for help. i was quite suprised in this movie again. this is so impressing me.
i was touched by a few sences. i coded the last few words from Peter:
"Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us,
we always have a choice. My friend Harry taught be that. He chose to be the best of himself.
It's the choices that make us who we are. And we can always choose to do what's right."
you knwo what... i always do think that.. we all have choices, and i dont wanna regret for anything
that i should have done. that kind of guilt is so big and bad. i had lived under that for long years,
and i felt terrible. it just came out once awhile telling me how terrible things i did. i wish that i could
turn back of time, but i just couldnt. so... like what Aunt May of Peter said, the hardest thing is to...
forgive yourself, before anything that you have to do. i'd never lied, i mean.. i ve been honest and
sincere to everyone in my life and being so careful of what i say and do to ppl, just to make sure that..
to lowest the possiblities to hurt ppl ard me. i had been a terrible kid untill i learnt the lesson.
and i just wanna live with my virtue to the ppl ard.
so, when i heard what spiderman Peter said, it was just touching me, and reminded me one more thing.
i saw Miki on line today in mom's room while i was in the living room studying. i joked with her, then
i went in, i saw... Benny Chew was still on her list. i was curious, i asked her to let me checking his
profile of status. i saw... the pictures of him and his so called girlfriend form Hong Kong.
then... i recognized that... actually... i ve heard of this lady so long before he and i broke up,
and the 1st time i heard of that lady was in Vancouver, ard the time i firstly inaitiated the break up,
which was not sucessful. at that time, that lady was his manager, his boss. i called to his office
before, and she wasnt happy, that now i could rmemeber. then... yea i saw his pictures, then..
i start to... realize... what was actually going on. so like what Stephen said was right, Benny was just
bull shit. he's really full of shit. there's no HK girlfriend he's dating on line now, there's no wedding
with that so called girlfriend in Jun, my bday month. it was just a lie. Stephen was right that Benny's a liar.
everything that happened was by his choices, he made all these happened. but he put the blame on me. screwed him.
he's dating his boss actually, and they might have started much much much ealier before we broke up.
all just make sense now, the time just fit. i understand now why we started over when i was in Van,
but then within a very short time like 1 month, everything was back to the bad time and even worse.
coz... at that time... probably somthing has started and i was the one who kept wondering what
happened in the silence he created. i was the one trusted him so much and defensed for him when
i was crying to my friends in my last month in Vancouver 2005. i confronted him but he denied.
he kept me. and when we really broke up, he wanted me. i was waiting but he ran away in silence again.
and now, he said it's all my fault and i was selfish didnt care about him. who was the one disaapearing,
while i was trying to reach him? it all makes sense now.
now, i feel like.. i'm fooled. he's an ashloe. he knew what he did and how he hurted me.
i didnt speak a word untill he got added me back on Facebook. i took my spirit and stand for myself,
i finally talk back from the silence he has given me. i moved on. and i scolded him back. he put all the
blames on me still, and that makes me realize how terrible it was about how he thinks of me.
i dont care, coz i dont wanna care anymore. but now, today, i just find out.... i should really really
fly over to Singapore just so as to put a slap on him, i'm so shame on him. i would like to spilt on him.
however, i still wouldnt. coz... i wanna let it go. honestly, i should just forgive him but i cant.
i tink it's the best of me to understand him and that's enough. i would never be able to....
forgive a person, who have hurted me badly, without even recognizing it, without a sincere apologize.
Henry, and Augustus are actually the same. i used to think they're my guy pals, but nope.
Henry is still cheating on his girl by contacting me and calling me dear. he still hasnt let go on me.
he wants to cheat on her and fool me again. Augustus, if he really cares, why didnt he just make the
time and place to meet me while he was in HK? okay, if he's that busy, why he still bothers to contact
me back to SG? who he thinks he is to me. i gave him my time, and i wanted him to be sure the time
to catch up if he wants. he kept asking my time schedule so that he could arrange my time. GET OFF.
tourist is not the best. i dont care if you cant make time for catching up, but you would never tried to
arrange things for me. and dont act cute. actually he mesged me last night and that disgusts me.
i was very cold to him, and i think... our friendship wasnt real at all. he was still sweet talking to me
while he told me that he was going ot marry his girlfriend in Jan. okay. i think i've lost two "guy frineds."
they're not my real friends actually. i dont knwo what they want and i dont care.
i just wish they just leave me alone, coz... i dont wanna feel bad about them anymore.
if Henry ever mesged me or called again, i would just leave a post note on his Facebook that
i would want him to stop trying to contact me through any ways. coz whatever happened between
me and him, even our friendship, were all done and over by the disrespectful mesg he has sent.
i would never wanna get in contact with him unless it's necessary. i want him to realize how wrong
he did to me, how he insulted me, and i wasnt sorry for him anymore.
if Augustus ever mesged me or called again, i would directly told him that i wasnt happy about such
arrangement he tried to make for me and he should realize it wasnt the way friends would be like.
i felt like being put on the waiting list and i hate that, coz i'm not a on-call perosn, and i have a real
busy life going on here. i dont think he has valued me as a good friend that he described.
i promise i would do this to these two "guy friend".
for Benny. i have nothign to say anymore, and i dont want to... get in the contact with him.
i just dont know this person anymore. piss off in my life.
>>December 29, 2007 at 4:44:46 PM GMT+8
2007 年 12 月 27 日 星期四 【晴】
hey..
now it's 2 am.
i m not especially sleepy, but i jus tcant focus on my studying.
i'm thinking to sleep soon. i m stressed and... i still have half of the materials havent covered.
i feel like i'm dying.
i stayed home today. i didnt work. i took a day off staying home studying.
i feel so dead. coz.. i have used 4 hrs to prepare only half or less of the ID 301 Critical Thinking Final.
then i studyed PSY 355 from 6 pm. then... i had dinner and rested..
omg.. i still have half... and now it's 2 04am, and i m losing my focus.
i'm worried. the exam would be at 2 30- 5 30pm. hummmmmm i dont know.......................................
then.. on Mon, two exams from Morning 10- 1, then 2 30- 5 30.
i m so stressed.
i ve talked with honey for awhile.
i hope he would be fine. i hope he could have good rest.
yesterday... i was so dull in the office.. and then... i couldnt focus on anything..
i had a class with Winnie, then i was busy rushing craft materials and worksheets for May's class.
hummmm......... i slept for 11 hrs last night, so dead.
my parents and Leggy would go to China for 2 days..
i hope them a nice and safe trip. then, Miki and i would stayed home.
i m worried... for the exams..
Here used to be called Shmoo Sassy Rowdyruff's page. It was a random name i got from The Powerpuff Girls' site. however, i am not that little girl anymore. i'm learning how to live a life now. haha! and this is the pic of my 22nd year in my life, taken in the summer of 2008.
here is like my reference, my history, my story, and the little pieces of memorries in my life. someday when i get old, maybe i would just review my life again. or i can share with my close ones... would they miss me someday? i dont know. i just wanna live my life fully and happily =) with the ppl i love on this planet.
hello.
hi.
Someone who know