2007 年 5 月 28 日 星期一 【晴】

now it's 2 21am in the morning.

Leo occupied most of my time.
i couldnt focus on my studies, not coz of him. he was just accompany me.
why the time passing so slow, but seems fast?
it's very weird. it s very painful.

i still havent finished one samll task on my study. i actually have plans, but ... havent got them done.
Cas... what re you doing? how could you let it bothers you that much?

i start to wonder what i actually want, what i am doing.
i want to cry. and i m crying. it's very painful.. it's very very painful...

mom asked about Stephen today... i didnt say anyting.

how come.... how come....
how come when he hurted me so much, i still miss him that much...
Cas, are you in sane??? and look... he doesnt give a shit on you now... LOOK!
why re you still sad over him???
and remember that... you broke up with him... he wouldnt turn back...
he s not like you. he wouldnt care... he wouldnt.. he wouldnt...

only 4 days.... how can i get over it ? when will i get it over??
it hurts the most when you're hurted and you still found guilty.
why would i deserve this.... why.... why?!!!
how can he hurt me like this... how can he do this...
where did i go wrong?
what did i do?

i m so...... sick.. of it....

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



now is 2 46 am, on May30 morning.

i woke up very late today... same same.
i really wanted to call him. but i held back. i knew i shouldnt call.
he must be very angry or he just doesnt expect i would call again. he might wish me leaving him alone.
and at the same time, i m sure... my frineds wouldnt want me to call.

i stayed home... only watching tv.. i couldnt study... it's so terrible.
i really want to study but i couldnt.

then... ard late lunch time, i went to TST to meet Rami.
i took the tshirt from him. yea the one Cap and i bought for Ade.
then... hummmm.... we sat down at McCafe. we had drinks. then... started chating.
it's hte longest time i had ever chatted with him. and this time is kindda funny.
i'd never seen him that "confused". and this is also the first time i heard him saying so many things
about his girlfriend. hummmm i started to wonder if he knows what he wants. and he told me he didnt.
well... maybe time would tell him then. hummm funny that.... he's really like Stephen.
i m kindda sorry for his girl. bt then i really understand why she does all these. why? coz of love.
i guess girls generally are just stupid in relationship. anyway.. thanks him being there with me.

some exceptions of course.. but not me..
hummmmmm..... can only blame my parents, give me all bloody good genes =)
make me as an angel hahaha. start vomiting right? yea i make myself puke.
i'm not an angel.
i'm just a normal girl. someone unqiue in some ppl eyes, but normal in general.

hummmm ....
i checked my another profile on net today...so many ppl added me.
it's more like the adv site, help ppl promoting himself or herslef. probably a good site for ppl to look
for casual sex. i guess it's all happening there. some ppl would say good htings to try getting you.
that's what i ve learnt... Stephen used to remind me not to believe ppl so esily.
actually.. hte person i belive in the most and most easily is him. i dont know why.
well well well.... if Stephen knows i m doing profile on that crazy site, he might be angry.
or he wont, coz he doesnt care much.

hummm mom asked about Stephen again.
this time.. she really got me speak. humm i finally told her that we broke up.
i wanted to tell her, but i didnt. coz.. i didnt wanna admit that we broke up.
but.. the truth is.. i didnt tell her why. she kept asking me, kindda like... wondering why all happened.
i know she concerns on me, so she started guessing this and that. and i said no. i just dont have
anything to say. but she kept guessing. i appreciate her concerns. but i just dont want to say anything.
i dont know what to tell her, and i also dont want to cry in front of them.

Henry just sms me. aiya..... i dont know why he came to me again. sigh.. he shouldnt come talk to me.
he knows exactly the right time. everytime when i have problems on my relationship, he likes to
appear to me. whatever. thanks.


then.... yea... i came home by train. i took first class seat. i just wanna stay well and avoid all the ppl.
i turned on my ipod loud, so that i could stay in my mind, only.
then.... when i walked home form the station.. i almost got hitted by the taxi.
i really didnt hear its behind me. i saw it and i said shit. i was wondering oh yea, come hitting me.
he should come hitting me. so that i could run away form the world. i could stay in the hospital sleeping
whole days, and eating and resting. dont have to work, dont have to study, dont have to do anything.
but then i would be bored to die. then yes plz kill me directly.


these days, i have been studying hard, befor break up.
then..... i actually wonder if i should do the master after grad. then i could work in Psychology.
i wanna be the psychologist or therapist after ..... a period of time. 10 years?
not right after grad. i wanna be a flight attendant still. i wanna work in the airline still.
then i wanna get marry and have kids, and be a good mom and good wife.
but then.. i wanna help ppl, as in... coz i'm educated in child developement and otehr things,..
so then.. i should be able to raise my kids better.. and i am supposed to have a better marriage too.
then not enough. i wanna help more ppl. but bechlor degree wouldnt allow me helping much.
and i m quite interested in human behaviors and stuffs. so.. i guess... i could do some researches
on those subjects ? i dont know.
some ppl have been misunderstanding psychology is some kindda strange thing would let you
understand or know what ppl thinking... hummmm REALLY WRONG. psychology is not like that.
it's science. it s all around the studies of human. human's health, human developement, human behaviors.
it's very scientific and very professional.

whatever.

i m still sad..
i wonder.. if he would never talk to me.
i dont wanna regret for what i did.
but Rami reminded me one point today. and it really made me wonder something.
the point is... if i really belive that the person did it, or i should realize that the person might be kidding.
at that moment, i didnt think that much. and i didnt find it as something fun in the situation.
anyway... i m weak... if he comes back.. i would be... so touched again.
but.. he seems not coming back anymore.

if i could just cry it off, and i would be happy, i would do it.

2 46am.

>>May 29, 2007 at 6:46:47 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 27 日 星期日 【晴】

hummmm

i slept vwery late last night.
i woke up at 12 i guess.
then rushing to go out have dinner with my parents.
hummmmmmm yea. study break today, didnt go to school.

then after lunch, walked ard Tai Po Center. we had dim sum today.
then i bougt a t-shirt, from Livis. humm my 1st time shopped there. mine is not expensive. it's $200.
then.... picked up Leggy form school and we walked home. hummm after home, i still couldnt sit down
studying. i just couldnt. then.... sitting ard, eating, watching tv. that's how i spend my day.

hummmmm...
i was supposed to go over Ricky's home but i didnt go.
i called him, but the phone line was all night occupied. dont know what happened.

then... watching tv and had dinner.
well.. i ve bought many vcds, but didnt watch... hummm not much time..
anyway.. i gotta study tonight.

just now watching tv... it was so sad...
Vincent finally... changed.. but then he dead in the accident, before he dead,
he was still trying to help Shen, Joy-Sum. i was almost crying. it was so bad..
i wonder who is that writter... writting this ending...

then.... recently.. i just got back contact with a net friend, Leo.
then... we are sorts of the same... hummm sometimes it's warm to chat with him.
i guess if my friends know about it, then they would start wondering if this guy in HK or other places,
then wold start asking me is he asian or white or brown.
hummmm i knew this guy since at least a year. i forgot why he was on my list.
i just knew he broke up with his girl before my break up. then..yea.. i was kindda comforting him.
then we started chating again. but i didnt care much. then since few days ago, he knew i broke up.
then he started talkign to me again.
now.. it's like he would concern about how i am doing. he would sms me and talk to me on msn.
i dont know. i guess we are just weak at the moment. after we feel better, we would be dissapeared
on each other's list.

yup, i m still sad. i still miss him.. but....
i dont know.

by the way, we ordered a t-shirt on Rami's t-shirt site. haha.
yea.. i am a customer now... well.. i m very happy that he really started the business.
i think i m supportive though. haha. coz.. i always buy somethign from my frineds' business huh. ha.
humm good luck to Jeanine and Rami !

i actiually met Rami on Sat night. hummm also saw Sunny.
humm they're still fine, being the guy guy. haha. they're just very guy like.
well.. hang out with them. not seeing them for 6 months. yea i knew why.. coz of Stephen.
i didnt meet Rami coz i wanna respect Stephen. i know he doesnt like me hanging out with them.
well, Rami is not the bad person. i didnt undersatdn why Stephen has to be so against Rami.
i did what he asked me to, but.... it doesnt worth, right? no ideas.
i think Stephen was just trying to protect me. it was not his fault.
but now... i m really single. i can do whatever i want now, and no one would protect me like he did.
so.. i have to be extra careful.
anywya... Rami broke up with his girl friend AGAIN. hummmmmmmmm i really dont know.
he's just a very guy guy. sigh.... good luck good luck.. well.. i try to say something from a girl
perspective. but he's really like Stephen. i guess he would never understand? or he really understands
girls. that's why he's so guy guy?
i dont know.

hummmmmmmmm...
i knew Cyn and Francis were over. i was very sad to hear that.
i wodner how beautiful they're together. but they really spilited off.
sigh.... Cyn said he's not the right one even though how good he is.
i couldnt undersatdn but i wish they would be fine and woulf find their right one soon =)
then Ade... and Cap.. haha.. i wish them good too =).
hummm dont know how Cap's future boyfrined or husband would be like..
i also wish Ade would find osmeone soon.
Ade suggested me to remain single for awhile. yea.. i guess so.
i m not so interested in relationship now. i just wanna do something great on my own acheivement.
then i need to start planing for my future again. and then i wonder to fling, not to love.
haha kidding la. i m not good at it anyway. just let it be..

yea.. i m still sad.. i still miss him..
i did e-mail him but so ?
Cas... be toughm, like what he taught you.


i miss Vancouver.
i miss the time in there. i miss everything happened at there.


wanna share a song with myself..
"Vincent". haha yea from the tv.. but it's a so beautiful song.



Vincent

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer’s day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul...
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land.

Now I understand
What you tried to say, to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free:
They would not listen; they did not know how --
Perhaps they’ll listen now.

Starry, starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can’t forget
Like the strangers that you’ve met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn, a bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know
What you tried to say, to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free:
They would not listen; they’re not listening still --
Perhaps they never will.

For they could not love you
But still, your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do --
But I could’ve told you, vincent:
This world was never meant
For one as beautiful as you.

>>May 28, 2007 at 4:14:10 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 26 日 星期六 【晴】

MAy 27.

see? my diary's date works again ;)

today... i woke up late.. then... had lunch and went out.
i was supposed ot have class with Ricky. but then... it was riaining very hard..
i was very late, then i decided to not going today but tomorrow.
then still on plan, met Cap at Festival Walk.
i went there with aunt Kitty. She came to our house this afternoon.
then yea.. she has been talking with me about my cousin Sheila and Issabella. hahaha.
well, i guess mom should be kindda proud of me then.
then......

i sent her to her station, then i went to Fetival Walk.
we did ice skating ^^. hahahaha. i skate much much much better than before!
i was not very very happy or excited, but still having fun actually. not bad =)
then... yea... Cap was cute hahah.
then after ice skating, we had coffee at Pacific Coffee.
i had the Cookies n Cream Chillino and cinnamon bun. it was very sweet. yea i need to get sugar high.
then we walked in Log On. hummmm trying to find a present for Ade.
Ade's birthday is coming soon. then i found i missed Cyn's birthday. i should have bought her something.
hummmmm but i didnt really have time for that before i went to Van in March.

anyway... happy to see Cap again =)
got cahttign with her.
she told me actually i was not doing bad at school. hummmmm maybe... i dont know.
i just know i have to try my very best for everything, so as not to regret.
then... not only me can get good result, and then... i have much less time than other day time students.
so, they actually have the advantages at school but i lose. so.. i have to work extra hard if i wanna
get compared with them. well, not really comparing... but the point is.. i cant lose.
as in i only compare with myself actually. i have to keep myself in A grades or maybe B.
then if they all get B or C, then i dont even need to compare with them, i just keep my target, right?
but now.... everyone is good, getting B or above. so i dont want to lose in them. i have to be good.
that's tough, but i'm confident that i would make it. so, Cas... you should work hard ! and you can make it.

hummmmmm...
i felt so bad about... the break up. i can funtion so well. i can work , can study, can go out have fun..
which are all great. but yea... i dont know.
i.... am not the desperate woman. but i just want a bit love from the guy i love.
well, of course hte break up is not game or trick i m playing. i intitiate the break up coz i was really
angry and upset. the thing happened that i cant change. whatever.
if it couldnt work out, then i should just move on.
i sms him at ight on the 1st day we broke. then... i called this afternoon.
hummmmmm but then i left voice mail, and i e-mailed him afterward.
i think i've done all my parts. i still love this man, so i should do something no matter how silly or stupid
it is. coz i care about him, so i should ... call back. but then if he really doesnt want it, he also agree
with the break up, then.. i let go. i think i love too much that i kindda ruien this relationship.

then... i bought a book today. "Why Men Love Bitches". hummm it's not a new book.
i had been intrested in it for long, but never read. hummm i bought a lot of books but never had enough
time to finish. then this one i really wanna finish first hahaha.
very interesting now.
somehow when the guy being bad that the girl has to be responsible.
coz the girl spoiled the guy i think. so.. from now on, i better be careful.
then coz i think... i'm smart, so i should play the samrter game with the guy, not just being a sweetie.
it doesnt work in a relationship for long. =S weird but true, right? i dont know.
not really playing game maybe. just knowing what to do is very important in a relationship.
at least dont be too lost, right?
sigh.... maybe this lesson is just very expensive. i have to pay much time and experience in.
i couldnt afford it. then i better just read some books hahaha. is there any exam?
oh yea, maybe some flirting tests. hahahaha.

okay.
i would start studying tonight. hummm Cas..... Ah zaZa Fighting ! Fighting!! ;)

>>May 27, 2007 at 2:32:52 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 26 日 星期六 【晴】

May 26.

today, i woke up as late, but skipped those make up time, so i was still on time.
sincei got back to the office, i had been busy.
i actually didnt really rest at all. not even my lunch time.
i had a quick lunch, tunna with egg sandwiches, ice tea and chips. nice.
well, i accepted my busy time, coz somehow i just wanna focus on work stuffs. something to distract me.
i didnt have time for a pee since morning till 5 or 6 i guess.
but hten... now, we're finally using board band internet, i am on line always.
then so many frineds keep chating with me. kindda busy doing muti-tasks together.
it was challenging, but i handel well =) nice job, Cas.
well some of them might have waited for a bit long, coz i was really busy dealing with ppl or away from desk.

after work, i left om time, then i went to Admirty to meet my friends.
well.. it's been 6 months havent seen them though, since...... the end of Oct?
and it made me remember... Stephen and i, our last break up was ard that time.
which means we were actually pretty stable for 6 months till now i guess.

anyway.. on the way there... on bus... i just cried... till i get off the bus...
50 mins. hummm lucky that.. the upper level has nobody besides me...

then.... during the time with them, i actually just calm down and catch up with them.
i hope i didnt scare them when they saw my red eyes and runny nose.
who has ever seen me cry? haha.. all my close friends.
but ... my boyfriends d never really seen me cried. i didnt let them.

anyway.....
last night, i got dreamt about him. and same, i have prayed myself to sleep, with tears.
i guess now it's obvious enough to understadn myself why i keep myself occupied.
coz the more concentration i do at otehr things, the more tired i get, the better sleep i might could have.
i dreamt of us. but this time is not nightmare... it was sweet. i couldnt understadn why.
but i was happy when i woke up, coz of the dreams. it makes me wonder... if the dreams were real.

but then... i dont know. i actually sms him last night when i was asleep. i suddenly woke up..
in my consious state of mind, i really wanted to sms him... then i woke up and did it.
strange. now i know strange things do happen when something goes wrong in life.
but... if you ask me if i wanna contact him like calling or e-mailing... i dont know..
i guess.. he might be very angry, he might be fine, he might be sad or hurted. i dont know.
but if now i talk to him, he might probably think i m just playing game with him which is not.
i dont know. honestly, i want him back, really. but... i m not sure what it ll be like.

i start to understadn that....
the longer time i get along with him, the more i understadn him.. then.. the more i accepted,
the more alike in thinking we are. i mean.. when i accept what he does, i start to accept the things
i might do in his way, and i'm actually doing some, as in like the attitude. i actually learnt so much from him.
and i'm a very strange person. i could be very sweet, but i could be very harsh too.
i could be very weak, but i could be very tough too. i dont know..
honestly, i really want him back... but... i dont know. we dont talk anymore. that's kindda scary.
but it's not coz of scary that i want him back. it's.. like what i said.. i start thinking from his perspective,
which is not good for me to do so.
i guess osme friends might think i am crazy, why the heck i should care after saying break up.
if they know how bad i felt before, they might probably very happy about our break up.
so, let say, i really start to think form his perspective, and i really do.... then... i am gonna accept
what he did and what he said. so i become someone wrong to say break up.
but the fact is... i shouldnt hide up my emotion or feelings just coz not wanting the break up.
it just hurts me so much anyway. maybe he would just think i'm a bitch, that's it. would he understand?

hummm my frineds would say like... i protect him too much. i am over reacted sometimes,
i am this i am that... yea... overall, i'm just myself, right? sigh....

it was so peaceful sitting at Admirtly with my frineds tonight.
i didnt do much. just chated a bit with them... asked them and listenedher to them about their school and
work... just hang out. but i enjoyed myself, coz i could relax a bit... can stay cam at there. there was
the peaceful place. i can see beautiful hk island night view. it was not bad.

but i would have a tutorial class with Ricky tomorrow.
then... i should really start studying for my final exams.... hummmm Castor.... try hard..... ok....?

Cap is back.. heehee.
yea.. back form her Au trip with parents.
i will meet her tomorrow.. hummm eventually... Cap treats me the best haha... she is going to ice skate
with me. yaya =)
but.. it's strange. most of the time i was there was my saddest time, breaking up with him.
no.. i dont want the break up actually. whatever..
have fun.

should i call him ? or i should just let it off...
what does he think? arrrrhhhhhhh... Cas.. dont think about that.
he would speak up if he finds necessary.
if he really moves on .. then... yea.. you could move on as well, coz obviously it proves that you did right.

>>May 26, 2007 at 6:51:00 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 25 日 星期五 【晴】

May 25


today...
i finally got the chance talking with Stephen. but i was not looking for the break up.
it happened, it hurts so bad... so much so bad...
i dont think i dont love him, i do love him so much.. but i am just very.... upset about things.
i was not going to.... critize him, but ... i guess it sounded like that to him.
but... how much does he really understand?
i shouldnt doubt on him, shouldnt lecture him. but i think i should speak up something.
maybe... it all i said just doesnt make sense to him now, but someday he would understand, i hope.
otherwise, everything i did say today just means nothing to us.

i know.... he deleted me at facebook.
my heart is so pain. i broke up with him doesnt coz i dont love him anymore.
i do love him so much... it's killing me.. the dreams i have are all about being with him.
but Cas, i should wake up that, Cas, look, he doesnt know how to respect you.
even when he knows you're hurted by him so bad, he wouldnt care or felt sorry about.
he just doesnt have that sense. i am not asking him to change or do anything big for me,
i was just trying to remind him, but all doesnt sounds good.
i could just gorgive and forget, if he has ever said something to let me know that he cared about
my feelings. but i wonder what if the truth is just no, he really doesnt care, and it's true that
he said that today. i dont think i would like to be controled. but.... think about that...
when the person you love doesnt care of what you feel, what you do... what does that mean in a
relationship? is it just... something called "Equal" and "Open" ? is it good ?
i guess so. i do try and accept that. i like that, but... when it comes to hurt the person i love,
i would never done that. coz i dont want the person i love felt sad. i wish to find the balance point,
but i wonder there's no points i would find. from he said, or what i said.... i can see we both were
showing anger and self defensed highly.

Castor... you said you wouldnt regret for what you do, and you never do things to make regrets.
are you regreting now? yes... i regret that.. i am so stupid. hurting wouldnt make ppl smart.
it wont make things better. it just makes things worse.
but i wonder... what if i see things from his perspective totally, then he would never understand what i
feel from what he influenced me.

i was.... changing all my status on my profiles on friendster and facebok.
i was showing myself that i could be back to single. but then... i found that....
he deleted me.... i found that... i have hurted him bad.
and i feel... really really really bad, coz... i just hurted him, that's not what i want.
well, he has hurted me badly too. but, i dont want to hurt him back.
now... i dont know what to do....
coz... i really dont want to breakup with him, break up with someone i really love sooooo much..




after break up... i still faked a happy lunch time with my family and fake a whole day work at Elchards.
dad and mom drove me to Ma On Shan, had dim sum with grandpa and aunt Kitty.
aunt brought me a new pink hand bay, thanks. grandpa saw me somethign wrong. but i didnt say anything.
i do so much thigns today. i m so sad, but i'm ... i cant.. let .. ppl know it. coz i asked for the break up.
i am not supposed ot be that sad.
now i guess... it's not true that... the girls act sadder and the guys are actually sadder than girls.
not true. the girls act sad coz they're really sad.

the not necessary busy works, it all distracts me from the sadness, and i calm down a bit during those.
but then when i'm alone, start sitting and resting, i cried. i dont understand.
the posters are done already, it's sticked on the window now, very nice.
i have tidyed up the big shelf at office, even though i was off.
i just need ot keep letting thigns occupied me. i was working extra hard and keep myself busy.

>>May 25, 2007 at 6:43:28 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 24 日 星期四 【晴】

May 24.

有一種說不出口的痛．淚水是熱的，而且它會慢慢地在心內流出來．
一滴一滴在臉上，我仍能感到它的溫度和味道．真是熱的．
我愈不想它出現，它愈是要走出來．忍不住，也控制不了．

有時我會想，為什麼我會痛．他的事我根本不應該理會，也不到我去處理．
我實在太傻，太愛這個人，太會去愛惜他，保護他．
結果，他不明白我苦心之餘，也不懂去珍惜我的好，我想我更不要考慮他是否真的愛惜我．
一開始，就應該怪自己沒有給他一個好的概念去怎樣對待自己，只容讓他做他喜歡的事．
一切他所做而傷害自己的，我都一一接受及理解．我想這就是最好的相處方法．
的確是不錯，可惜我從來沒有好好跟他約定自己的要求和底線．結果．．．
以為只要他開心就可以，我都能體諒．但我原來沒有諒解的偏偏是自己．
原來沒有期望的戀愛也可以傷害得這麼嚴重，只因為我無條件付出的都只不過是一些對
對方沒有意義的煩瑣事．
到底這些沒有意思的傷感什麼時候才會散去？
我．．真的很愛他．可是．．．我已經不知道應該怎樣去處理．
我一直以為自己能接受及理解他的一切，事實上，似乎我亦能做到．
但是當我想到他沒有考慮過我為他所付出一切的時候，我的心很酸很酸，很痛．
要終結還是要再等？給大家一個機會去交代清楚，再看看有沒有機會，還是應該由我提出分手？

Today, Ade and Louisa chat on MSN with me. thanks Ade and Louisa.
i guess i would be fine.
i used to think my Chinese is very bad. and yes, it's true.
i'd never thought that i could express myself that good in Chinese.
it's my very very rare time to write in Chinese like that long. i guess i have no grammar mistakes.
maybe i do, but so less.
however, i'm chinese, and i find that the best way to express my feelings in words is chinese.
sometimes, when i dont know how to phrase something in Chinese, i use English.
but sometimes, when i dont have the English words in my mind, i could only express in Chinese.

let's see how's my english version of my diary now.
no... i cant do it.
coz, i have to make it as the secert.
chinese here... means something only i would understand.
whatever i convey to myself in chinese, that means... it's truely, rarely, and hard to tell ppl about.

i prayed last night, i wish God would take away my pain.
sometimes i wonder, someday i would never woke up again. just let me die in sleep.
isnt that the bless too? sometimes, when the car or bus com near to me, i dont feel like to keep distance
with them. i wonder what if they hit me, then i could just die or sleep for long.

Ade said, i'm still so young, only 21 this year, i would have so much good things coming in my future.
Ade also feels hurt by see me hurted. she's always the best friend of mine, very protective and supportive.
Season knew i am sad, and she said... coz i'm her frined, so i would be fine. haha. she's lovely.
Cap said, she doesnt want to see me sad, she feels hurt too. she really wants me to be happy.
she said either way i should have given up something or be brave with that.
Ella said, i deserve something much better, and she's sure that i would have the happy life.

i woke up like in noon. today is the public holiday.
i rested at home till ard 4 sth... then went to Tai Po Center with my parents.
dad ordered something at KFC, i drink some coke. then we walked ard, and we shopped at
Parknshop superstore, and then we went to Jusco supermarket as well.
then we went home. hummmmm it was fine. i love the time with them.
back home, just doing some net stuffs, then had dinner and watched tv.
it was great to have a family day.
now, mom always ask about Stephen and i.
i dont know how to response her, when i dont even know what is going on between us.

from tomorrow,
i should focus on my two final exams. i better well prepare for that, if i still aim to get an A.
i dont do things to make myself regret, and never regret for what i've done. never.
so, every step takes me time, and i have to be brave, not just tough and strong.


i remember i ve said that...
ppl only believe in what they want to. ppl only listen to what they prefer.
it's true. but sometimes, you really gotta listen to others, and put yourself in others shose.
think from the others perspective, if you wanna treat someone right.
dont be so selfish and treasure what you have.
easy to say, hard to do... but if you have tried, it should be shown.

good night Cas.

>>May 25, 2007 at 6:34:48 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 23 日 星期三 【晴】

i was kinda sick i couldnt wake up..
then i was 1 hr late to office.
everything was fine, catching up with work, being bored and tired.

then lunch time went out talking with the poster guy. he's quite nice.
i think our poster, banner and logo would be coming on Mon.
then i should start working on the business card now.
then... the summer plan is not bad i guess. Ella put so much efforts in it.
then worked, had class with Alex and Mandy. i was so powerless today.. i was angry at Alex.
he was very naughty. Mandy is getting improved. their exam is ocming soon,... stress for me now haha.

thne.. yea... after work... got chatting with Ella.
i cried in the office. then.... we went to ParknShop superstore.
she shopped a lot. i just got my cash, then yea, accompany her walking ard.
thanks her.

hummm in the coming term, i would take 3 subs...
one day class, two night classes.
hummm it would be... very tough.


anyway...
i wanna sleep now..
i'm too sleepy.

thanks Karen as well, hope to see her in next term. hummmmmm she's a nice classmate.
very supportive.
thanks Ella, coz she's a nice friend as well.
thanks Queenie and Shan, my girls are always my best .

hummmm yea...
i prayed, i cried then i fell asleep.
i try to be strong, and i pray to God that i'm not a strong person.
and...

sometimes...
nothing. i understand this but i dont understand that.
humm i just feel like to sleep first..
see ya... good night.

>>May 23, 2007 at 5:18:54 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 21 日 星期一 【晴】

May 22.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my fat DADDY!! =P
he has a Buzz-Light cake. hahaha. i love the jelly...

this week is the last week of my courses.
i got my assignments and two mid-term back.

my Development Psych is not bad.
20% mid-term,
20% assignment,
10% class performace,
50% fainl exam.

even though the mid-term is only 71% sounds not too bad in the class already.
then my assignment score is 86%.
so... i have got 31.4% in total... i need to get ard 59% in my final and class performance..
which is impossible to have an A. hummmmmmm....


then,...
Abnormal Psych is a bit... strange ha.
same,
20% mid-term,
20% assignment,
10% class performace,
50% fainl exam.

i eventually fail the mid-term, i only got 50/100.
(well my asnwers were short and clean, and i skipped one whole question for granting 30 points.)
but i was very suprised that my assignment was great, i got 90/100.
i remember it was the tough esay to write. i actually did hard work on it.
so.. in average.. i have got 28% in the whole course. if i wanna get an A, i have grap another 62%.
it s impossible, unless.... others are doing soso as i do.
Cas.... why.... hahaha... stupid losing too much on mid-term.


the las two lessones, yesterday and today, Dr. Chan asked us to share with other students, as in...
making the connection with the information and our development till now, the diff stages.
it was interesting to hear other's stories.

then today was even funnier..
in the end of the class... we asked lots of ques about the final exam.
i asked lots of ques, which are so smart to let him speaking a lot from the paper by himself hahaha.
but then it was too late for him to realize that haha.
i asked alot.. then i asked.... how about the GAF scale. it is very complicated, and i dont think we
can memorrize the whole scare to score the cases. then said.. there were only 3 ques would be
like the case studies, but it is not required with the Axis IV, so didnt need it.
so now, we all know what the case studis should be like ;)


anyway...
yesterday after school, i went to HMV at TST with Karen, then she also shopped at LCX at Habour City.
i was so tired...
i finally got my new cd =)
Maroon 5.
it's great !

then back home resting... i saw... Augustus on line.
last night...
i was chating with him till late.... hummm thanks him so much. i guess i really understand what he says.
yea, i wish him all the best =)
i wasnt very "okay", but then i felt much better. i guess i ve learnt alot from him. thanks.
i prayed and i cried last night then i fell asleep.

today.... hummmm... yea...
after school, just back home resting and watching TV... very tired and upset about something..
then i went to the Taiwanese Tea House ard 8 sth pm with Shan and Queenie, my best girls in HK.
well, exchanging gifts? ha... no la... just some meaningful necklaces were born for the 3 of us hor?
thanks girls anyway...

i was very upset about something.
and i was very emotional at that time. i might have said something i shouldnt say.
i think i didnt firgue out the whole story, but i was angry and i couldnt handel it at that time like
10 or 15 mins before my class started again.
i'm still upset. i think i should apologize for my rude attitude. but i dont know how to face the situation.
give me some time.

>>May 22, 2007 at 5:51:23 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 19 日 星期六 【晴】

May 20.

i slept for 12 hrs last night.
i felt good, coz i could have enough rest. but when i woke up, i was a bit moody.
then... after lunch, i was on line chating with Alesja. yea.. so long havent chating iwth her already.
she's doing good now, i'm very glad for her =)
then also chating with Junming. i think he's doing fine, great.

then mom, dad and i went to Tai Po center just now.
well.. mom and i walked ard, she bought the jeans, and i bought a sweater. i found it gorgerous.
it was at Giodano. it was great and cheap.

then we had bubble tea atthe Taiwanese tea house. then walked back home. and i bought some
雞蛋仔.

anyway...

>>May 20, 2007 at 1:36:54 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 19 日 星期六 【晴】

May 19.

now is May 20, 1 10am.
Happy Birthday to dad =)
we had dinner outside tonight.
we have a nice dinner. aunt Ching was here as well..
hummm through their funny conversations, i think my parents are kindda proud of me =)
haha. anyway.. i love my family..


i was exhausted... today was REALLY busy.
i was runing around here and there, taking care of so many things.
well, Ella, Mandy and Richard were all busy.
oh yea Ella needs to teach today, but look at the front, it was like caios.
the party was soso, not many ppl came. well, i know why, coz... we didnt plan well enough.
i didnt really want to have this party, we didnt have enough time for it. the office is not ready too.
but then... we had it. anyway... Ella didnt understand actually how busy i was.
i dont think she understands. sometimes, she's just too much.
i have to face so many ppl and works at the same time, while she's just teaching 6 or less kids in class.
she asked me to copy her notes, which it only took her 1 min to do so. but it did jam up my work.
i was doing more than 1 thing at the time, why the hell she thinks she should ask me to photo-copy
her notes. sometimes when i was teaching in class, i STILL NEED to take care the front.
who is the boss now? i'm pretty pissed off sometimes, but i couldnt just shout at her right? and i dont.
she doesnt even understand, when more than 1 person remind her problems might be coming.
it's like... she could do so many things by herself, but she put me at the situation.

AHHHHHHHH whatever, i cant understand anyway...
she's a good friend, really good, besides,..... hummmmmm at work... i dont know.
i really love helping and working.. i like there, i put so much efforts there, i have good memorries there,
but... sometimes i m very angry but i cant show.
and then.. i would never given her my password here.


gotta sleep now. too sleepy. i'm exhausted..
but i still wanna eat some soy bean puddin. heehee with ginger syrup. soooooo nice...
but recently, i was very stressed and tred, i ate too much sugary food and spicy food.
i shouldnt have those too often.

i miss my honey. sometimes, i just wish we could still be like the past, can share happiness and
sadness everyday. i dont know what it would be like if we lost our comminucation. or, we already
lost it? i dont know. i'm still waiting.

>>May 20, 2007 at 1:36:08 PM GMT+8