2007 年 5 月 4 日 星期五 【晴】

hummm

this morning... i went to th clinic to take the medicine.
i was soooo tired... then... back to the office... had lunch then been busy till off.
it was very busy. i have done so many thingsss.

today ... not only today..
Ella has been saying... "Are you okay ? You look not okay. you look lonely."
then today, she said "life is too short, you never know, right? be happy."
she said.. " You changed alot. you look unhappy."
thanks for her bubble tea today =) it was warm.

i guess... i was a happy girl. but now.. i'm just not happy, maybe.. many stress but not enough rest.
it's good for something changed, but it's also bad.
when the life is too tough, i really wonder where is the hope.
of course i'm still okay, i have food and shelter. but i am tired... i am just tired.
i feel like to cry.
Ella told me before, she had been very stressed about the new cente and her new house. yea i knew.
i have been helping on it, and i was pretty stressed as well.
she encouraged me. thanks.

by the way... i cant eat sugary food, or spicy food or sour food now... =(
those are my comfort food.. but i cant have them for at least 1 month.
during this period, i have to eat lots of vegi and... keep my mouth with fresh healthy food.
byebye McDonalds, byebye chips, byebye cookies, byebye marshmallow, byebye chocolate..
stressful lonely days without comfort food.... cant imagine...

setting up a site is not for promoting myself or whatever. it's for myself or for some friends.
i dont understand why it became a tool for ppl to take information privately.
well, might be i did it before, or let say once you set up a page, you should have already expected
some strangers or ppl you dislike would come viewing it.
if it's just nothing harmful, you know... who doesnt welcome ppl visiting the site?
anyway... i wanted to delete my friendster, but... i like there... i had many memorries with the site.
but just wondering.. what 's the balance i could take.

i think i would still have those junk food.. but... gotta reduce the frequency? or...
turn to other comfort zones, Cas...
erhhhhh....... i used to feel relazing in class at school. but nowadays.. i dont feel that in class anymore.
humm.. home? nope. i feel very tired everyday home, i just wanna do what i wanna do, but they dont
really let me. i wanna watch tv, but sister need to do homework. i wanna listen music, sister is besides.
i dont want dinner, mom has cooked already, we're all supposed to eat together.
i want to have my own space, i dont have.

to my friends? i'm sorry.. i dont have extra time now... i need to go to school, after school, i'm tired
and friends are busy as well. i need to work, after 9.5 hrs work, sometimes 10 hrs work... it's 8 30pm.
i cant do much though...

go clubbing, you want it? nope. i dont like being home late. those places start being fun after 10 30 pm.
hanging out coffee with friends on Sun ?
hummm... i have tutorial class with cousin till late afternoon. then.... friends have church or i am just too
tired to meet up. i wanna go on a day trip.. i wanna go out, i wanna relax... when ?

hummm your honey? he's very busy too... yes.. i miss him so much so much.. but we dont have time.
i dont blame him being busy. i understand that. but i'm just unhappy. do you understand ?
i really hope ... really hope that... i can... hug him now.

sometimes i feel good when i look at the ring. i think of him. he's with me.
i rememeber.... actually i broke the necklace which i gave honey.
i was on phone with Ade that day.. he didnt wear the necklace, then i was playing with it.
then... i was swinging it very hard... then the "rectangle" part fly out. i was so worried..
i kept looking for it... then i finally found it and fixed it by myself. i didnt tell him.
but then... the day before i left.. the stone of my ring, which he gave me, fell off suddenly.
at that time, i was thinking.. it s a bad sign. i told him.. then after awhile i left the house.
i thought he would go to the shop and get it fixed..
i was afraid i might not be able to wear it with my leaving. i have to be apart with him already,
i dont wanna be apart with his ring. i keep it with me everyday.
that night when i was home, the ring has been fixed. i thought he went to to shop, but he didnt seem
going out on that day. then... later.. i saw the glue on table. i guessed he fix it by himself.
i didnt associate those two times together untill a few days ago. i suddenly find that kinda... lovely.
i was so naughty playing the the necklace and i broke it, i fixed it.
then i found the stone fell from the ring, and honey fixed it for me with his hands.
wasnt it like the fate ? i fixed it, and he fixed it.


it has been very stress.. maybe i'm going to be braking down soon.

>>May 5, 2007 at 3:49:06 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 3 日 星期四 【晴】

My Love Will Get You Home

if you wander off too far, my love will get you home
if you follow the alone star, my love will get you homey
if you ever find yourself losing long alone, get back on your feet and think of me,
my love will get you home, boy, my love will get you home

if the bright lights blind your eyes, my love will get you home
if your troubles break your strike, my love will get you home
if you ever find yourself losing long alone, get back on your feet and think of me,
my love will get you home, boy, my love will get you home

if you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home
whenever is only you too blame, my love will get you home
if you ever find yourself losing long alone, get back on your feet and think of me,
my love will get you home, boy, my love will get you home

if you ever find yourself losing long alone, get back on your feet and think of me,
my love will get you home, boy, my love will get you home, boy, my love will get you home




Today.... i was just pretty tired and super busy as usual.
i got a call from the clinic... the result is here, i'm okay, but still need to take medication.
thanks God. thanks honey.

then... i was pissed at work, coz i was pretty busy, chasing time and rushing for stuffs done.
i planed to do so many things, i have my schedule for things, then Ella was interruping.
fine, did for her first, then kept going. of course i could get things done on time, but i was tensed.

i got a short while chatting with honey. i feel much better today... humm thanks hee.
if he's fine, then i'm fine.

today home.. i suddenly think of my old school, my classmates, my old friends, my many many good friends...
then i saw my pictures... here you go..

from the begining..
when i was still in LSC:


That's my fav classroom 5D's classroom. it was pretty soon to our mock exam ?
look at them... it seems like the yesterday right?


The last Halloween in LSC. it was fun. but not many pl were there.


My last preparation for my speech on the grad ceremony. remember huh??? hahaha !!!
i was so nurvous... haha.. i had been practicing for long.


It's Jackie and me la~ hahaha... i know that was before she 's going to Taiwan.
i miss her always. she's one of my best friends.


Then... they're my buddies in USU. humm Vincent, Joey and Calais.
we were like a small family. Vin and Joey are dad and mom. Calais is uncle hahaha. i'm daughter =P


this.... was... after training, became a real customer service ambarassdor at McD.
it was my first promotion, and he was the customer, he won some guessing game.. i dont remember.


the presentation day of a store tour for some managers from Thailand.
yea, i was that presentation person. i was pretty suprised i got that chance.
this lady manager gave me her McD logo earrings, heehee ^^ so we took a pic. she was very nice.


after that presentation, we were all relaxing.. haha.. that day was pretty important actually..
only our store had this chance among other stores in HK...


i miss them... we all had good time together. even though it was very tough, we all enjoyed so much.


Joe Lau is the CEO of McD in HK. he was visiting us.
i still remember... on the annual dinnersss, i was there as the helper, and i gotta accompany him
when he came in to the hall. it was... kindda fun.


he's the Vice Presendent of McD in the world. he was visiting our store.


it's the final big funtion i incharged by myself before i resigned. i took over. it was for the halloween.
after that, might be busy for christmas and chinese new year funtions, with my team, then
not after long, i went to Singapore, then after 2 months, i finally left and went to Canada.


It was the first month in Vancouver. i was with them out late. hahaha..
Dong Eon was so drunk that night.. i gotta sent him home. i stayed over at his place.
that was kindda fun... it as terrible actually. i got lost with a drunk person on the street.
he started hitting things, started talking non sense. so difficult to contact frineds to bring him home.
and i stayed at his place over night. coz of that, i got a fight with my ex boyfriend. hahaha.
anyway, rest assure, nothing happened between us. never happened anything.


my private korean teacher+ classmate Pil, Dong Eon and Kianna.
hahaha.. we were at the school party at Joy's house. it was so fun they wanan take pictures there.


i miss my Alesja soooo much.. the last time we chated was..... ??? when ?
i couldnt remember already. i always think of her, always thinking how she's doing now.
we just lost the contact since she moved out. i'm actually worried for this girl.
we were very close. we're always together no matter in or out. she was my biggest support.
but we were just together in 4 months. after 4 months, she was back to Germany.
she was just the kinddest person to me actually. whenevr i need her, she 'd never said no.
we re so similar sometimes. she even said... if i were a boy, we might have fell in lvoe already. hahah.
we also said.. later when we grow older, even after married, we would live together in the same
building like Joy and Lisa.
she gave everything good to me. she was so sweet to me. we were like sisters. i miss her so much.
i wish she's fine now. i really hope to hear from her soon.


Jason was leaving. we had the good time together. when he left, i cried. lots of friends were leaving
at the same time... quite sad. he gave me the gifts anyway. he's always like my brother,
coz mostly, we could only be brother- sister. i told him we are friends. once he told me he'd never
believed that friendship could appear between boys and girls. but then before he left, he told me that
he would treat me as a friend. well well well. now he has a good girlfriend in Korea =) good.


that was the fire work night. i was very tired from school.
back home from west boardway, then go to downtown meeting them from Richmond...
it was funny. coz we all four were hands in hands to leave English Bay.

HERE YOU GO..

The very great moment again i d never forget in my life.
well, i do have many great moments in life hahaha.
but this one should be a bit, not a bit, should be very different.
coz it's the picture of me and honey, and some otehr close frineds in Van. heehee.
it's just something special. my first time to bring my boyfriend to meet my close friends.
well... after all those school buddies left.. i met VicVic, Ade, Cyn and Cap.
then through them, i met Louisa and Francis. Ade, Cyn and Cap are my very close friends now.
we're always in touch, we talk alot play alot hahaha. love them.
so.. that moment was pretty important to me actually. especially.... with honey.
that night was special.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks God.

i miss all of you.
i miss my honey, i miss all my friends.
thank you for being in my life.
you make me beautiful =)



if you wander off too far,
if you follow the alone star,
if the bright lights blind your eyes,
if your troubles break your strike,
if you ever feel ashamed,
whenever is only you too blame,
if you ever find yourself losing long alone,
get back on your feet and think of me,
my love will get you home.

>>May 4, 2007 at 5:29:27 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 2 日 星期三 【晴】

today is very tired...

i didnt want to work, i'm exhausted.
today is very busy though...
then... yea... busy busy and busy. i had a class with Alex today.
he's so naughty. then Mandy didnt come and she complaint to her mom that Alex is too naughty.
i think... maybe it's really my problem... my students are always naughty to me but not other teachers.
i dont understand why my students being so naughty at my class. i dont think i'm not strict.
i just dont know why. Ella said i'm not strict enough. hummmmmm...
then...
i tried to have some time to watch vcd or just resting, but no time.
but... anyway... the air conditioning problem is solved FINALLY. i was so happy.
i saw a hole on the wall, and Ella told me that Richard wanted to hit the landlord that day,
when the landlord shouting at Ella with his finger pointing, but Ella stopped Richard, then he punched
the wall. it must be very strong. so scary.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Actually, this entry is for myself only. i'm not planing to share with everyone.
so, if you could respect me, please dont read the following.
if you do read through this, i cant stop you, too.
i just dont have another blog to store my diary.


i'm very stressed. i wonder to delete my friendster. it might cut off lots of "traces".
it's like lots of problems were coming from me.
i am actually stressed about that. coz.. more or less, i'm responsible for that happened,
and i dont know how it's going now. i'm kind of worried.
i feel very bad.. coz.. i cant do anything.
i finally put that photo into a secert file. i am just scared and i feel very bad. where is my privacy now?
i cant share pictures with others now. i cant have my usual life now ?
i found that she has added my friend as well.
i dont know how to describe that kind of feelings, it's more like 很委屈..
did i actually do something wrong? did i ? ='( then why ?
it's kinda like unfair but no choices right?
i feel like... i cant do anything, i cant stop her, and what she's doing now is actually disturbing.
all of the sudden, i'm just back to the stress and sadness. i really dont understand why all these happened.
and this just keeps bothering my mind, i dont even care much about or worry about my check up report
now but this thing. i m worried and i feel so uncomfortable. i just hope it would be fine soon.

i think.. i am not going to blame anyone else, it's just... something i dont understand anyway.
even if i ask alot, there wouldnt be an answer that could be compromised. and all wont help.
i dont want to judge anyone, coz... i just dont need to and i care what the person feels.
and recently, there are so many things i need to take care of. so many question marks, so many
stress, and puting lots of efforts to make things done. i m very tired already.. i need to rest.
and i feel like my privacy on net has been invaded, my love life has been in threaten. my body has problem.
what can i do ? nothing. hummm but.. one thing that's very important... that's the trust.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


one thing that's really important... the trust. i rememeber who told me that.
and i do trust the person who i care so much.

i think there's not only me suffering. there should be some ppl suffering much more than i m.
i'm just upset. i just really dont understand why she has to do all these.
i wanan givie in support to the person i care so much, but you know.. sometimes being quiet is better
than doing wrong things. leaving spaces is better.

Cas,... dont... do not being too sad or whatever.
coz it's not good to anyone as well. some ppl you dont undertsand might want you being sad or stressed,
but some ppl dont, epsecially those ppl who love you lots and understand what's going on.
(at lease on your side)
just give some time, just dont worry too much. keep your faith and hope alive, that's all based on love.
it's all you need to do.

wish all the things would be fine soon...
stay strong.
stand for yourslef, and stay at the right side, for whose need you.

>>May 3, 2007 at 6:07:36 PM GMT+8

2007 年 5 月 1 日 星期二 【晴】

today is actually May 3. i am at office now.

yesterdy, i went to a clinic to have body check up.
hummmmm.. i was there till afternoon. arrive office at 3 40pm.

then kept being busy preparing things, i had a class with Alex and Mandy. they're just so naughty...
i was very tired actually.
then... yea... kept beng busy after class.

then i left office at 8 30, then met Queenie and Shan for dinner.
yea, Queenie's back. then we had a nice dinner. we had pasta.
i listened alot ... listening to what they wanna share with me hahaha.
hummmm good luck to my girlss. heehee.
oh they would be fine hahaha. i knew it. hahaha.

hummm
after the mid term and my assignents were 90% done, my stress should be released a bit..
but.... i got some problems, that i dont wanna tell ppl much... i'm still very stressed.

and then.... hummmmm somethign happened at the "friendster"...
i'm kind of worried about this time.
i was pretty angry at a girl. i was so angry at what she did. anyway...
i hope the thigns would be gone soon. it's such as nightmare.
i thought i understood her, why she did all these things, i thought i could just be understanding on this.
but.. now, she really crossed the line, and i'm very pissed at her.
well, it's not my problem, but i really hate ppl lying, especially lying about me.
i m not gonna do anything. i just deleted her from my list.
i think whatever i do just wont help the situation. and i really dont wanan stimulate her.
i just let others to solve the problem... i really wish ppl fine... i m worried.
well, i m not gonna change much information about myself there for her, coz it's just none of her business.
and she's just too much.
i actually dont mind to change a bit to make her feel better, coz i dont want her feel bad too, right?
but the point is... i d never done anything bad to her before, but what she has done to me and others
are just kinda hard to accept anymore. anyway, i m not gonna do anything unless necessary.

i'm glad that i've set up the password here, otherwise i would feel very insecure about being on my network.
it's crazy.

i hope the thigns would be fine soon, and i hope the girl would be fine soon too.
it's for her sake, not for anyone.

i hope my girlss and their sweet hearts would be sweet sweet forever huh~ hahaha.
hummm yea... i think would be fine actually..
i hope my check up result would be fine...
anyway, i hope honey is fine. i just ... concern on him more now.

>>May 3, 2007 at 4:21:26 AM GMT+8

2007 年 4 月 30 日 星期一 【晴】

hummm

last night i had been working on the citing things, yea for the reference of my assignment.
i finally fixed it. yay~
hummm we had dinner outside very late last night. then i didnt go to Ricky's home,
didnt meet Shan too.
then...

this morning i need to wake up early to send the assignment. then..
i was staying on line.. but i fell asleep.. soooooo sleepy...
then... i suddenly woke up and found i was late to meet my cousin.
then i washed up and left.

after the tutorial class with Ricky.. it's already like 5 sth..
then i finally met Shan haha... long time no see her... so nice to see her again..
then we went to a Taiwanese tea house to have "bubble tea".
this tea house bubble tea is much better than the one i usually go.
then yea.. we stayed for so long.. then we walked ard and went home.
i hope to see her again soon.
just relaxing.. sitting and chatting. nice.

hummm

yesterday, beforei l eft school, i saw Redman, one of my old professors.
he only taught me one class, Organizational Behavior. it's like.. my first term of my courses,
it's like 1 year half ago. he remembers me.
i ws so happy in his class, coz.. i really did well and i learnt alot.
he's going back to Iowa, the states. we chated for awhile. he siad...
he's confident that i would make good future. he said i'm very committed to my study.
he believed that.. giving hope to someone who's committed and hard working is worthy. haha.. thanks.
he saw me in his class every lessons, trying to jot notes and think about his questions.
he said i was very out- standing in his class.
hummm yea i really learnt alot from his class. and i told him how different the classes now,
and i would prefer the old style of teaching. i also told him the new center is better, but...
i love the old classes. language is a kind of problem, and the teaching style and so on.
yea. we had a good chat. i wish him good luck back to the states. he's just one of the good teachers
i ve met. i really like his class. he's a very good teacher anyway.

one thing i learnt from him and i put into mind: if you have nothing to say juet keep quiet,
coz saying too much might just make you stupid. and in his exams, i learnt one more thing:
dont write too much, just got to the point, say what i need to, that's it. good answer is not necessary long.
and yesterday, i learnt one more thing.. hard working and be hopeful, coz we need power to carry on,
today is a step for the tomorrow. everything takes step.

i was kinda touched, coz.. i really like his class, and he told me yesterday that.. he has been looking
for chances to tell me he admired me, coz he's not the person who could be like me sitting in class
in every lessons to do so much class work. he has been looking for the chance to tell me in person.
but i know he's just a kind of shy person. i was touched. and he said... he's confident that i would do
well in my future. he just encouraged me.
the last time i was touched by my school was the time i met my old principle at high school.
i was grad already, then one time i was just there with an old friend, Tung.
i saw Mr. Cheung in canteen. he was chating with me. i was very upset and frustrated with my
study. i guess that was before i went to Canada in 2005.

he asked me why i lost my confidence.
he said.. "our school, LSC, we gave you so many chances since you're 13. in 5 years, school has
given you so many oppotunities to reach out the world, you have been given so many love and
chances, and you did really great , didnt dissapoint us. you just should know you have so many
good things in life and talented. you should trust yourself and trust us that we didnt choose or
nurture a bad student. we chose you. you shold trust yourself, not doubt."
i was almost crying... after that day, i just told myself that yes. i could do it. i just need to trust myself.
coz i can do it.
and i finally passed all my courses in USU, then finally passed through all the proceedures.
i kept my dream, i tried hard to go over Canada, and i succeed.
i had refreshed myself there, i had a great start again at VPC in Canada.
that's how i liked going back to school again. i actually wanted to drop out when i was in USU.
it was so terrible for me studying in business courses. so painful. i was hopeless.
but i got given myself one mroe chance, and i did great in Canada. back to HK.. i just enrolled in UIU.
that's how i am still studying now. it was all about... not giving up. and it's taught by my high school as well.
that's the spirit. and it's why my school is called LSC, Living Spirit College. ha. nice name. thanks.

i just hope that.. i would keep going, hard working and be hopeful, coz.. i just should trust myself,
trust others.. they love me, they believe me, they think i can make it.

i really dont know what i would be doing in 5 years. i couldnt make my plan now.
i dont know what i would do in next year after grad. i dont know if i should take a master degree or
take my sec degree. i dont know if i would be married. i dontknow if i would be working in the airway.
i dont know. but i think i should trust myself. Cas, when did you lose your hope and confidence?
i dont even notice that.

whatever you do, wherever you go, you should remember something:
never give up. work hard. be hopeful. enjoy everything in the life. coz you deserve it.
one more... love the person you have chosen. love your family and friends. appreciate the things and
people you have. Appreciate the love.


Recently, i feel better being back to HK. maybe coz i just need to do so much things.
it was very hard for me. i miss him too much, i was sooo stressed and very upset.
well i still miss him so much, but.. just gotta work and study, focus on so many things.
i didnt even have time to rest or relax myself. i dont know if it's good or bad. but.. here i am..
i just have to accept that i am back. i just hope... he would come to see me soon.
i just hope we could be together soon. i just hope.. one day we just wont be apart anymore.
even though i'm back, i still love him so much.... i know i would be wiating for him.
i know.. he's very busy and tired... but i do apprecaite that.. he's still willing to give me a little bit time.
i really want him. i really wanna meet him again soon.
i understand we both have our busy schedule. i dont want him to feel pressure with me.
but... secertly.. honestly i hope we would... work out.

>>May 1, 2007 at 4:59:10 PM GMT+8

2007 年 4 月 29 日 星期日 【晴】

i have just done the mid-term.
i m at school now. in the lab...
last night, i slept at almost 4 30 ? i couldnt remember. i had been doing lots of revision..
so terrible that i didnt have the book, (i just recievet my text book 30 mins before the test).
and i was just reading Dr. Chan's notes.
omg.... the notes are just not enough to explain all the stuffs. i just go searching on the internet,
and then i read my otehr text-books to find more information. i was so tired.

yesterday... i have done my essay, but then didnt write the reference. then i tried to find my notes
from my writing class in Van... and i also found my other writing course notes...
i just kept correcting the thing.. but then i dont knwo if it's MS words problems or my problems,
they were still wrong. sometimes i need to keep double space between words.
it was shown in error in green underline. sometimes, i just leave the book name with underline,
but it was shown error, then i changed some format, it was still as error. i dont understand..
i tried for 1 hr, then i gave up. i saw many references from otehr ppl's paper are not correct as well.
so i just dont care, especially Dr. Chan just said sources should be "well documented".
i think mine is just good enough.
but my another assignment would be a big headache.. coz i used more than 15 sourses.
i couldnt even remember... and they're not only from books, it's interviews, news reports, some doc.
sigh. and it's due to tomorrow... i guess i would just need to work hard on it tonight.

anyway,
just now, the mid-term... there were 3 ques again. i answered all of them in full page.
i did write down everything i know. i missed a few points on 1 que.
but.. i dont know... eventhough i have missed a few points, they're kindda important actually, i dont
only write about what he asked to. i wrote something more than that, such as... hummm....
it was supposed to discuss what piaget's cognitive development theory is.
i wrote down the most important points and explain in detials, then i also used evolutionary psychology
aspect to explain and made connection with different situation with other theories.
i dont know if i should do that but i did point out the connection between all, but then of course i focus
on Piaget's theory. coz that's the que, right ...

other two ques were just ... haha.. dont know how to say.. i dont really remember..
it was the.... it was.... ??? oh yea.. it's about explaining mitosis and meosis blah blah blah..
and anotehr one is.... i cant remember. .... haha... whatever. i ve done =) yay ~
hummm so tired.

humm i guess this time Dr. Chan wont be dissapionted ? he smiled just now.

anyway...

i am supposed to read the paper now."Materal perceptions and adolescent self-esteem: a six- year
longitudinal stiudy".
hummm... so long.

tonight i need to go to Ricky's home, then might be meeting up Shan after that.. dont know yet.
tomorrow i need to get back to work, but before i would have an appointment.

suddenly, i ofund myself very productive actually.
i'm basically a full time student, and a almost full time worker.
but in my class, they're just really full time students. they dont have other thigns to do after class.
they could get good grades, they have much more time to do everythign ofr the studies.
i cant. i am so busy at work, and i am stressed from so many things, so....
if i can do not bad in the class, that actually means i am really doing good.

be back later..
wanna chat with my honey hee.

>>April 30, 2007 at 6:21:46 AM GMT+8

2007 年 4 月 28 日 星期六 【晴】

last night i didnt sleep.
i slept in the morning after my assignment 2/3 done.
i just couldnt do it anymore.. too sleepy.

then i was supposed to go over my cousin, Ricky's home for tutorial class..
then.. he called this morning to cancel it.
i slept for a few hrs more, i woke up ard 12.

then i kept writing it... then rested a bit and kept writing again. tired..
i had chat with honey for a short while. we dont really have time... you know...
espcially him... i dont know.
sometimes.. it's like.. i miss him so much, i wanna talk with him, but actually nothing much to talk about.
i just miss him. i miss the time we can be together, even though doing nothing.. we were together.
i wanna tell him so many things about everything.. just wanna share with him..
but we just dont have time. we just couldnt make time or we dont want to make time ?
but i do appreciate those little time we could chat on line.
does he miss me too ?


anyway...
i had been doing some research on something, then i was kindda wondering like...
wanna know some more information about it... kind of worried.

hummm i have finally done my Development Psychology assignment.
i am kind of worried for that. Dr. Chan didnt really give guideline... i m not sure what i write is..
suitable or not. i m not so confident. but.. yea..
i m more worried for the mid term tomorrow. Very Stressed...
i have reviewed some notes already... but... i think i will think about what kinds of ques he might ask.

hummm
Queenie is back tonight.
tomorrow, after exam, i might leave earlier to have a body check up.
then i might meet Shan after the tutorial class with Ricky at night.

>>April 29, 2007 at 2:45:27 PM GMT+8

2007 年 4 月 27 日 星期五 【晴】

hummm

i was so busy this morning... i was very very busy.
i didnt really stop for a min till my lunch time ard 1 pm.
i was so pissed by that landlord again. WTH... I WAS SO PISSED !!!

anyway.. he was just REDICULOUS.
i was so mad. when i actually saw him this morning with Ella,
i was very calm and polite. then since he was rasing up his voice talking rubbish,
i really told him WHAT's GOING ON and BOTHERING US ABOUT.
he was just runing out of his damn responsibilities. i told him that he was supposed to fix all the things,
and very obviously, he knew it, those problems were the old problems.
it doesnt take one day to get the pips rusted. look at that and you should know it's from years.
i said we were cheated by him. i was so pissed ! i said, you made us delaying our renovation,
and you came fix the things 3 times in 2 weeks, and it's still there !
how many times would you still come?
you want me to cancel the classes in the future for you, so as to let you fix that? IMPOSSIBLE.
or you wanna fix it during we re having class ? the parents would complain, and how i m gonna explain?
you make me cant run my business now ! if the water still drop, drop on my carpets,
are you going to pay for the cleaning fee ? i really dont know what to do now!
your water damaged the light as well, and you said it's not your responsibilities ?
it coz of your water problem, not mine !
we havent even started our business in the shop, and the problems are there already.
you think i made this all and claim to you ? the water can go up from the floor to rust the pipes at the ceilling?
he was blaming the worker, he said it's his problems.
then i said...
okay, he couldnt fix it right? so i go find someone to fix it, and are you going to pay for that ?
he said he has to think about that first. i was so pissed !
i said, you made me cant start the renovation, and you're not going to fix the water problem,
i cant do my business now ! i dontknwo what to do now.
i think i really should talk to the LAWYER in stead, to see if that's your responsibilities or mine.
i was just so pissed..

Ella and i were both very pissed. in the end he just had to agree to pay the better material to fix that.
then... we were very pissed till in the evening... that landlord said... the company agree with that,
they're going to fix it with the better material now. and... then the worker told us..
it's only HKD 200.
WHAT THE HECK !!!!!! $200 ?!!! we would ust rather pay for that, in stead of getting pissed by him for 2 weeks !
ASSHOLE !
WASTING MY TIME !!

i hope it's gonna ended.
and then... coz there are so many changes with the teachers, and schedule..
many parents complaint to me ...
my goodness... i wrote a apologise letter.
i was just so busy today.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i didnt do my assignment last night, i was sooo sleepy..
then.. at office today was just too busy, no time to do my assingment as well.
i really gotta get it done tonight... oh my... i'm so worried.
tomorrow i need to go over Ricky's home in the morning. hummm..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



i tried to come on line in the afternoon.... coz i really miss him..
hummm eventhough i m pretty busy... but i still wanna see how he's doing..
wanna chat with him... coz.. i just care about him... concern on him..
i was very busy, but then i still think of him, then i would try my best to squeeze some time for him.
maybe he wouldnt be on lne, maybe he wouldnt wanna chat, coz he's so busy as well,
but if i dont try, dont come on line then i wouldnt know. just really try to be there for him...
although i'm not there now, still wanna do my best for him.
i guess that's the difference between guys and girls.
girls are tend to be more caring and understanding. guys.. i m not sure. they dont really show ?
it takes time to know a guy. coz they usually dont show their heart. haha..
and it's funny for me to... i mean... when i am very stressed, i actually easily being pissed by the ppl ard.
but then.. with him, i could calm down myself easlier. it 's weird but real. haha. he's lucky.

hummmm.... yea... loving him..
dont know how he's sleeping now ? hee

hummmm carrying on Cas.... cant sleep tonight, ok?
hummmmmmmmmmmm try your best...
now is tough, but it would be fine later. stay strong ! AhzaZa Fighting! Fighting !

>>April 28, 2007 at 2:43:34 PM GMT+8

2007 年 4 月 26 日 星期四 【晴】

at office now..

i m just very very bored and stressed.
it's like... you do know you re actually rushing thigns up, but then you're so numb.
it's just dead.
i m at office doing noting now...
i wanna do my assignment but... just so powerless, guess coz too stressed.
i m getting fat now i guess. so easy to gain weight hahaha... gosh...
stress usually make me fat.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


back home.

hummm i had the early lunch with "Richella" (Ella and Richard). we had indian food.
hahaha.. nice..
then.. i was back to the office doing nothing.
i couldnt start writting my assignmeny. my mind was so blank. i was so numb.
stressed and tired.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


then.. i go on line... honey was busy.. but then we still had a chat time.
i love chating with him. hee.
hummmmmm trying to cheer him up. then yea.. we chated for a while.
hummm miss him hee.
i thought about us.. i thought about the ice-cream time ha...
he gave me ice-cream... a big bite of ice cream but too big for me. then he made it smaller for me.
he was so gentle. it was sweeeet...
i remember that's my fav. ice-cream... Maple Wanut =)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


i had been working, but not too busy though..

then...
before off, i was pissed off by the new landlord.
actually Mandy was dealing with him and following the new shop's
renovation with Ella. then.. Mandy only comes replacing me on Mon and Tue.
and i took over the posters stuffs as well, so basically she's not following the stuffs now but me.

the air-conditioning was the problem. Richard and Ella told me about the situiation,
then the worker came checking and fixing up thigns, but it still got the problems.
then... that guy came again today. he kindda fixed them but then the problems are still there.
i was kindda angry and so does Ella.

i called the landlord again,
i was very polite actually. i just wanna get thigns done, right? i d never wanna deal with him,
but i would deal with him nicely coz that's my responsibility and i wanna get thigns done nicely and QUICK.
then that man was just PISSING me off. i HATE ppl BEING RUDE to me.
DONT ever SHOW me ATTITUDE, if you do, i would TALK BACK.
(i m not doing customer service with you now ASShole.
i be nice to you and you be rude to me, who you think you are ?(that's what i feel).
you're the landlord, so what ?? )
at first, i was asking him what he s gonna do with that. i was very polite and direct for sure.
then he was kindda like, listen, blah blah blah, he was so rude.
(i was thinking... WHAT? WHAT THE HELL, this is not my responsibilities, my deast landlord.
you should have fixed all the problems before signing that damn contract.
you were dishonest to us about your shop ! your shop got problems and now bother us,
and you be rude to me, WTF ?)
i told him,
be honest, you make me very angry now. you said that you would find someone to fix it,
but it really keeps bothering us now ! your two weeks was gone, the water is still dropping!
(the point is... the problems could and should have be fixed before we took the shop,
but he just DIDNT want to SPEND the money to get it fixed, which he is SUPPOSED to do !)
(if he didnt piss me off, i would never talk back like that. i was mad....)

Ella saw me then she laughs. she was more piss than me actually, but she laughs.
this is the sec time i was so pissed when i was working. this landlord is really sucks.
if i dont show him i could be angry speaking to him, he would keep taking advantages on us. WTH, SCREW YOU.
after i showed him i was pretty angry and NOT SCRED by him, he was nice to me.
SEE? DISHONEST CHINESE BUSINESS.
full of shit.
in HK, if you dont show your power in your business, ppl take advantages on you.
be smart, be direct, and be careful.

*( Excuses my language here)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


hummm i would really need to do my assignment tonight.
i had been trying to focus and stay awake.
i couldnt. but i gotta do it tonigh.

i need to do so many personal things, but i have no time for them.
now, i just need to rest, i'm so stressed, but then still need to do the busy workssss.
and i wish my family could just give me space, stop those bitchy words.
i really love my family, but i need space.
pissing me off.

wish my honey is fine...

>>April 27, 2007 at 4:51:24 PM GMT+8

2007 年 4 月 25 日 星期三 【晴】

today.... is just.... normal.

normal busy working, and also doing my assignment.
in the morning, i had been reviewing my essay and keep reading my notes,
trying to get something new to put in my assignment.
finally i got it done by afternoon =)
i gave up my lunch, but i got my essay done, yet have to write about source later. hummm
then i still have one more assignent for Development Psychology, but should be easlier.
\YAY~~~~ ^^
then one more mid-term then i could rest a bit.. (AhzaZa Fighting !! Fighting !!)

thism morning was a bit busy though, helping Ella to prepare for class.
Ella is so stressed these days, same as me... hummm coz the new center is gonna be oppened in June 1.
and then,... we're very busy preparing for many things. several new promotions, new posters,
new banner, new flyers, new logo, student bags, new course materials, summer plan,
new teacherssss, new liscens, this and that...
since she's that busy, i m busy too... i really wanan help her doing many many things, but... i'm not
the owner, so.. yea... i cant help much.
i do help on organizing things, all the designs, follow up stuffs, daily work at office, opening courses,
this and that... yea.
today got a new interview, new teacher, i guess she's from Van. humm she's okay.

today i had class with Alex and Mandy. hahahaha.. YAY~
i feel like i start knowning how to handel them now. i score myself 8.5/10 today.
coz.. i have done the jobs with them today. they both learnt something new.
though they always argued, i was strict to them, i gave punishment and rewards.
i taught them more than the books. Mandy is just a very nice girl but sometimes rude.
Alex is a smart kid but sometimes too naughty and do not admit his fault. hummm...

hummm chated with honey for a while....
i still miss him.. but i guess... i am getting better each days.
i just feel like.... my sadness wouldnt make things better... i m still sad, but kindda accepted it already.
it really takes time.
i really dont know what kind of feelings it is when i miss him so much.
it's just something in my mind that... is like.... really really really wanna see him in the next second,
really really wanna hug him and kiss him. really wanna just see him. it's like the urge, it's like...
the passion, the blood is boiling. but when i look around, i know i am in HK, the work place, the school,
the home, the area i used to be ard. it's the very complicated feelings. but then.. i dont know how he
feels. i just think this is very complicated. so.. in my friendster, my marriage status, i wrote "It's complicated".

when i was at his house, i always watch tv... i didnt like that, but i kindda enjoyed them, in a way,
they're the good shows. then back to HK.. i only watch tv when i'm eating my dinner.
usually less than 1 hr. but in honey's house, i watched tv at least like 6 hrs/day. AT LEAST.
haha i watched since i woke up from 11 till 2 pm, sometiems i were out for shower or stuffs,
then if we go out, then back home i watched tv again from... maybe 5 or 7 or 8 till i slept ard 2 or 3 am.
i dont always pay attention, but i was really sitting seeing the tv. hahah..
i miss those now.. coz they're the good shows, and i love sitting there, at least i could be with him.

tonight, i would do my developement psychology assignment. hummmm perhaps... can get it done
a.s.a.p., so that i could start studying for my mid-term. i must work much harder this time.
i cant screw my test anymore, NEVER.


Be happy Cas...
coz if you're not happy all the time, you will hate yourself.
if you keep being sad and lost, you will be forever lsot.
and it's very unattractive that you know the best.
why are you so sad? without him is very sad, but so ? it doesnt mean you cant have fun,
it doesnt mean you cant have a good life in hk, right?
your firned is right, take this as a new stage in life, take it as a new stage in your relationship too.
you also found yourself have changed, that means you actually moved on to the new stage.
have you started to look forward, Cas ? have you ? gotta accept it, have you ?
if you havent, look, you're already in a new stage of life.
if you have, just go on, love him as much as you want, but love yourself please.
his love to you is just never would be the same as the love you give yourself.
if you dont love yourself as special as you can, then no one would give you that kind of love.
you would never be happy if you dont love yourself. learn to love yourself, please.
dont let yourself being so sad all the time. it is just... silly... no one would appreciate that,
you should be tough.

i do appreciate everything i am going through, but i think... i should just let it take a pause.
i still miss him, when i think of him, think of the days, i am still sad.
but, i would try not to be sad. i would still love him and miss him as much as i always do..
but... i gotta stop being sad... and learn to accept that... i could never control for things,
so whatever would happen in the future, i should always love myself as well, just accept it
and move on.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


HINDER
"Lips Of An Angel"

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

>>April 26, 2007 at 3:03:45 PM GMT+8