2007 年 6 月 29 日 星期五 【晴】

hey there.

i'm really tired.

last night, our whole family was out.
hummm we stayed over night at Park Hotel.
then... yea... it was great.
it was a funny gathering. i like it. thanks my family.
then..... i had a great breakfast this morning with my cousin Sheila =)
nice.

but someting happened at my work place. it made me very worried and unhappy.
coz...... i dont know.. maybe it'smy fault. we just didnt have anyone at the front.
well, Mandy should be there, wasnt it? she was not there.
today i have MU class. i didnt go to office. hummmmmmzzzzzzzzzzzz....
Ella was SUPER ANGRY i could tell. Of Course she would think it's my bad.
sigh... i dont know... very fed up.

then... i was stuck into the traffic today. i was 1 hr late to school
but Jamie.... she sucks. she's the worst instructor i've met.
i would never taken her class anymore. she's just bad.
i mean like she's teaching a bunch of high school students in the tutorial center.
she is so improfessional. i hate this kind of teachers. she's so lack of experience plus she's a big
bad mouth. she shouldnt say too much irelevant information outside the course.
somehow i wonder if she understadns what she should show and not to.
coz very obvious that she's just not a professional in Uni teaching. BOO---!!
well, hope that she would never known i m writing about her.
but in the end of the course, i'm going to comment on that.
and it was so funny. she mentioned about friendster and facebook. i got a check.
she joint friendster. and I WAS CORRECT ! MY SENSE WAS RIGHT.
She was Teaching in A1 Tutorial Center. see ? she treats us like her high school students?
it sucks.
i hate tutorial teacher presenting notes, not even teaching or facilitating our learning.
it was just presenting, making jokes, explaning term, i got nothing useful from her.
she's really not sourseful. and she talks about too much personal opinion over the class.
i mean like.. she shouldnt just comment on online communication, cultural issues.
she knows nothing about those, why she comments? and then... she shouldnt say too much about
the course, like what topics are invovled. like it's whole programme that we need to learn.
coz there're some important REASONS that those topics are included.
and that makes our programme unquie and specific. it's our school culture, the US.
it's American Education. if you dont like it, dont teach at here? Dont Bluff plz ?
the book is really useful. coz in your class, i learnt nothing, but i learnt everything from the book.
you dont liek book, nevermind, NEVER DISCOURAGE your students reading textbook.
IT's not HK Uni System. Students in HK, dont need to read a dam nbook. coz the professor reads,
and give notes. but actually it's really stupid, and the Ss could just slack.
and then the Ss learn nothing without full sourse from book and other books and the whole context.
WTF is that stranger instructor? i just left the class twice or three times.
i read my book, and study on my own. it was so stupid of me to concentrate at her talk.
i dont need a tutor presenting her notes to me. i need to study and experience something real through
books and the whole context.



anyway... i'm really tired.
then... yea..

>>June 30, 2007 at 2:30:40 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 27 日 星期三 【晴】


When You're Gone


I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah, yeah

And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you




Be back later..



now is 2 32 am on June 29.

hummmm
today was same, tiring, boring, kind of busy.

at work,
it was a bit busy. i left some jobs for Mandy, coz i just couldnt finish all.
coz actually, things start busy in the afternoon. but then i had class.
and i gotta help Ella sometimes, and now is busy for summer course programme,
i actually have many preparation to do. then, some problems with the telephone line,
some rental problems, some this and that little minor things to take care of, some strange enquries,
some following calls and stuffs like that, then i could be busy for the whole afternoon till evening.

i got a flyers on the street. it's from ChatterBox. hummmm anotehr english learning center.
well, they really invest lots of money on advertisment. their flyers are wonderful,
their facilities are great. they got tv videoing the class, they got so many great high tech stuffs,
and many interesting programme that we are lack of money to try opening.
see? ppl invest a lot. i dont mean Ella doesnt invest money, but just that... comparing to others,
i dont think we're really professional. like... hummmm..... like the teachers there are really qualified.
i dont know if they teach nicely, but they're highly qualified. at least all Uni grad in overseas.
some of their majors are in child dev. or something relevant. they all have the teaching qualification
recgonized by the HK Gov. see ? that's business, professional and ethical business.
(well base on the entry level i've known)

hummm i was very pissed off, coz... i needed to deal with the telephone line problem.
it wasnt me to sign the old contract, i know nothign about what was going on,
i dont like to follow something like that. that invovles the owners' hk id, some confidential info
of the company and the owner. and i m not ready to be responsible for anything wrong decision making.
like... of course i would report to her about the changes and options, but the point is...
when i dont know anything about that, and you know much better than me, you can speak to the
person directly with your right tone of voice, then why you have to ask me to be the middle person
acting up things? and it was funny that she's asking me to help her doing personal things,
such as banking, exchanging money, those are nothing i should deal with.
and she's kindda Stu**d that letting me know too much i dont necessarily know about,
so that she could be lazy of her personal thigns? i dont understadn what she's thinkign about.
she trusts me so much , oh yea i'm very happy. but the thing is...
i ve my job to do in your office. and those personal things that need your id card, your signature,
your some other information htat i didnt know about. why would you ask me to do so? it's stu**d.
anyway.... yea... that's my job..
i guess my title should be changed to be a Secutary or Personal Assisstent. whatever i spell all wrong.
i'm actually doing the little administrative manager now (a bit too much but i'm basically taking care of her whole business)
i know everything of there. everything. and i know what is good and bad to do in the future.
AHHHHHHHH !!!
i wanna quit. my salary is not high, but the working hrs and workload are heavier than before.
i feel like i'm wasting my time to do a low pay job. sometimes, i rather take rest at home in stead.


Mr. A is getting serious coming to HK study. he asked me to take information for him.
he's planing to come over studying and working. hummmmm.
i think he's serious about what he says. he really wants to.... prove me that he would do whatever
to get my love. it's so silly, it's so crazy.

i finally saw Stephen on line. i was suprised. i was happy to see him again.
but we didnt talk. i dont know. we will see.


tomorrow i m going to the night class, before class, i will meet Karen for coffee first.
cool.
hummmmm yea... Human Sexuality class again. i dont wish to sit with the *funky guys again.
goodnight Cas.
dont think too much.

>>June 28, 2007 at 6:59:04 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 26 日 星期二 【晴】

2 20 am.
i m sitting here typing my diary.

same old fucking tiring day.
sigh... i dont understnd how my time fly in the air.
like... when i came on line, i started being busy.
i'm sorry to say.. but sometimes .... some ppl are just too bored... even just so small tiny things
they like to talk with ppl. i'm okay if i m free. but the point is.. i m so fucking tired when i'm home.
well, i have so much barriers on my own, that .... i dont really bother ppl about, unless on some
certain things. AT LEASE, i m not blowing every single things in details with ppl.
that's why i always say ppl dont know EVERYTHING about me. coz i just dont tell.


I LIKE SHARING WITH FRIENDS. I LOVE LISTENING.
I ALWAYS TRY TO BE THERE FOR EVERYONE.
BUT I NEED MY OWN TIME RESTING. NOT LIKE ONCE I GOT 1 MIN FREE, THEN I NEED TO USE IT.


I SHOULDNT BE so angry. it seems so rude of me to say things in this way,
but if you were me sitting in the office facing so many differnt knids of students and parents and boss,
everything in the office that you have to know, and take care of, then you would know how i feel.
i should know everything much bettter than my boss does... is this my business anyway???
why i would need to take care of this center better than she does?
basically, my boss would count on me for everything, she would expect me knowing eveything.
it's so DIFFICULT when i'm very tired, i just couldnt take care of that much.
we're getting more and more students, more and more courses, and i'm getting busier in my own life.
i'm just so exhuasted. why the hell my work load is getting that much and she's still doing the same?
oh no. she has mroe responsiblities now.. but think about that... who's the boss, who's supposed to do
those things? me or her? HER. it's work anyway, i cant expose everything here.
i just think HK is crazy. everyone is so crazy.
i'm not saying who's right or wrong. and i'm not expecting anotehr day wake up, one of my frineds
who've read my entry would come teaching me about my value at working or whatever.

and the school works are not easy, it takes time to read, and study and write. STRESS.
then, i dont have time to rest. i dont have time to RELAX. i'm so tensed.

AHHHHHHHHHH >.< !!!!!


i just want to rest.
i'm so sorry my friends. i m just just just so exhausted.



hummm
Mr. A is still trying his best. i dont know.
i tlak to him as usual.

then... i e-mail Stephen today.

and then... after work... i bought some things form the supermarket, then back home cooking.
i made pasta tonight. it was really great.
garlic, purple onion, tunna fish, tomato, mushroom, italian tomato puree, spagetti.
my sisters love it sooooo much... haha...they finished whole.
i like it too. and then after dinner, i washed the dishes, clean the kitchen... i was so tired... hummmmmmmm...
but i love that dinner. coz ... in HK i really seldom cook. mom and dad are out tonight, that's why i cook.
then yea... if i have chance, i cook. i love cooking. and my food are yummy =P haha.
i dont praise myself.. but my friends said so ^^ heehee. Yay.


hummmm
i miss him


3 04 AM of June 28.

>>June 28, 2007 at 6:32:15 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 25 日 星期一 【晴】

When You're Gone.

Now Was Te Time Before School:

i e-mailed Stephen last night.

hummm Henry called me last night. shouldnt he just leave me alone?
he seems know exactly the right time to call, to mesg me.
when he asked me why i m so aggressive to him, i dont know what to say.
actually i just dont feel good with him. i couldnt be nice to him anymore i guess.
coz of his girllfriend, coz of his kind attitudes towards me... i dont wanna find giult again.
he said mmaybe that's how i handle things. i dont know, i didnt tell him i'm not like that to others.
i dont know what he wants. i just dont think he should talk to me, coz he would break her heart.
and she will try to get my information again, and i would find guilty again. i dont want any possibilities
getting in between.

how to stop Mr. A mesging me?
i dont want Mr. A
it's my bad. i have racisum. i'm so sorry but it's true.
i aware it after the relationship done. and it affects my study of the professions.
like yesterday, Dr. Chan gave me the situation, he asked me what to do if i were in that situation.
if i'm offered to go a community in Kowloon somewhere, and there're all brown ppl.
then i dont know.. i was very shocked. like NO. i couldnt. i told him directly.
i know i used to be okay but not anymore. and i said.. coz when i be there, i would become the
only minority there. then he asked me what if i'm in Canada doign practice, i would be the minority
too. i said no. coz there is already the very diverse culture. i am only part of it.
but in HK... i have 8 hrs in practise, in thosse hrs, i would be their therapist or councilor,
"the much higher position but the minority girl".
but then after those 8 hrs, i became majority back. everyday i have to switch my role in culture.
i know nothing about their culture. i know nothing about them. i am scared of their language,
the things they do. how can i do my practice there? i respect them, i accept their cultuure,
but it doesnt mean i'm ok practising there ? i dont know. i was shocked, especially...
i know my relationship wiht Stephen just made me.... a bit racial now. i couldnt deny it.



things are getting tough for me now.
i miss Stephen..
and then,,,, today i am supposed to work, and i lie and took a day off.
i lied i'm sick. and i m home on line, dont wanna do anything, cant study. dont wanna do anything.
i have night class tonight. i m trying ot find a friend to hang out with till 7 pm.
but.. no... ha... so bad. nevermind.. i can go out by myself.

i'm thinking of my assignments too. coz yea... my mid term would be on the next next Mon,
and after that week, i need to hand in the assignment. i still havent found much information.
i wanna read some more information before deciding on topic or even start writing it.
then two more assingments would due to the same week, or ard that date. i dont know..
hummm mid terms and assignments... so rushy.
but i know... i will get them done.




-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now is 3 37 am in the morning of June 27.
hummmm i finally met Capella before class at Pacific Place in Admirlty.
we had coffee at Starbucks, we were there for long, chating, talking.
then she accompany me to the supermarket, i bought a donuts for my night class.
then i went to school. was like 15 mins late. never mind.

the class was the.... Interpersonal Communication COM100.
well well well... i dont like this lecturer. she's 100% Local Chiense Lecturer.
hummm i dont like the way she teaches. it's like she speaks too much HK slangs,
and then she gave in too much Subjective Personal Responses, which is not supposed to be.
and she tried to speak in Eng in the class. but she is not very effective pertraying messages.
i wonder if she's highly qualified in this teaching profession. she has the pretty good education
background in Hong Kong University, our top Uni in HK... but..... she's just..... a bit.... not professional.
anyway... i didnt feel really good about the class.
the ppl there were kind of ... weird. it's like WHY would you think in this way, they couldnt really
got to the point? like.. okay... i think i shouldnt take this course. coz.. it's COM 100.
i should have done all 100-200 courses. and i dont know those students there.
some of them are kinda bitchy or just naive. are they year 1 only? i m not sure.
and Jamie, the lecturer, she's kindda... "too focus" on her own style. she's the most in-effective
but weird and kind of slutty lecturer i ve met. i just cant accept my teacher would actually state that
"i think the textbook is really USELESS as RUBBISH, and you could buy it if you're too rich, have
too much money but dont know where to spend on. Otherwise, dont buy it. and i would try my best
to coppy some most important pages for you, even if it's illegal. or i would borrow mine to you, to
let you do it illegally outside." with her fishy smile. it's so weird.
and then when she explains some grpahs on book, she would say... "okay.. i would ask you in the
exam about this graph, please tell me and explain...... ". i'd never seen the lecturer like her doing all
these. HEY, WAKE UP. it's the American Programme. you're not supposed to treat us as in the
Local HIGHSCHOOL. Wake Up, Have You? i cant believe that.
now i think Dr. Chan is MUCH MUCH MUCH better than her. Even Mark Greene or Mr. Chan are better.
omg.. i miss Redmond and Morgan classes. those are the best professors i ve met.
but they were sent back to the States already. sigh. i dont wanna take any course by Jamie now. =S
and the group presention sucks. i tried my best to make it better. i wonder if i should change my own
style of learning to adapt into class. but it's SUPER weird and not so good for myself.

anyway, after class, i came home imediately. very tired.
had something to eat, then came on line... i was on phone with Karen for more than an hr.
maybe coz Karen shares the simlar situation with me. and she's m classmate,
and she is doing psychology courses as well, that's why we are easily getting close ?
whatever reasons, i just like being her friend. of course i love my other clsoe firneds too.
humm anyway, i wish Karen fine. i dont want commenting on her much. coz in my role, i think...
i have given her my support, and being the active listener, sharing about my life with her, then taht's enough.
am i correct? i think different friends have different roles. that's how communication works in the
interpersonal level and intra-personal level.


Henry was waiting, Mr. A was waiting. Cap was waiting too.
well... Henry called me last night when i slept. i dont understand why he has to care about me.
i dont need him doing all these for me, and he shouldnt... how come he just doesnt understand?
or it's me not understanding him again? maybe he just wants to be friend? but i dont feel like he's
being a friend with me. he's more than that still. listen to his attitudes and voice then you would know.
and then... Mr. A..... i dont know. well.. i really dont know... please....
i dont want to hurt him. i dont feel bad about him. he's really nice and caring. he's really good, but..
i dont ... i dont think..... i want him at this moment. and he's waiting. i dont understand...
i mena i udnerstadn when you like someone you would wait for h/she, but my point is...
i'm not over about my past, and he's so patient and trying ot help me out on everything.
and i dont need these from him. i 'm very glad and appreciate his all good things, i really do.
but somehow i dont think i m in love with him, and it makes me feel bad. he's always trying to impress
me, makes me touched, but... i'm closing my door all the time. i wonder if someday i would open it
for him like what he asked. i just dont feel comfortable now.

when i think of Stephen, i tear up.
i got his replied. i still miss him much. i'm thinking to... start over. but i have to think about some certain
things. i'm so sleepy now... i need to sleep... i love him.

4 11 am.




When You're Gone


I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah, yeah

And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

>>June 26, 2007 at 8:12:13 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 24 日 星期日 【晴】

i had morning class and afternoon class today.
i went to aunt's home in lunch break.
i was very tired.

i slept at 4 sth, and woke at 7 30am.
i dont know.. i couldnt sleep.


you know what, .... Mr. A is still trying.
but i just cried today... i cried coz i think of stephen.
1 month already.

today.. the class was talking about Culture issues, and some personal value issues.
it was a bit hard for me.
i just wonder.... why Cas has a problem on it.
i used to be very.... diverse cultural. i shouldnt have a problem.
but... i have some barriers..
and for the value issues... i dont know....
in the profession, if it's for working, i wouldnt mind about personal value of myself.
coz i could deal with it eventhough there might be conflicts between mine and the clients'
like... Dr. Chan gave us good example... we discussed on that.
but then some classmate asked how about if h/she is your partner, not client?
then i just done feel good. and Dr. Chan just said ... if it's your partner, then you can choose to be
with that person or not. i was silent.

i just wonder if i have been accepting it as my own value or i have been respecting it but not accepting
it as my own value. if i did think it's okay to agree with, then why i suffer that much.
i just think i have been respecting it. i have tried to accept it with my understanding and knowledge.
but... i just knew it's very difficult once you found betrayed, and i had no ideas how insecure i felt.
is that the guy's responsibilities to make the girl feel secure or at least make her feel alright?
i knew... it wasnt somebody's fault at all. it should be my fault...
i could just treat it as nothing happend, or it's just something i could accept .
but.. i couldnt undersatdn why when it hurted the girl that much, and the guy could just...
i dont know if he had ever cared. if he had really loved me before. it's so hurt.
i'm not angry at him.. i still love him and miss him..
sometimes i would still wonder if he would come back. but... i just think i shouldnt let myself
having false hope again... i just tell myself that he's not coming back anymore..
but i actually really want him back... how stupid it is...
am i the stupidest girl in this world ?


i cried on the train on the way home..

>>June 25, 2007 at 2:51:40 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 24 日 星期日 【晴】

today was okay.

i woke up ard 12. then went out have lunch with my parents.
after lunch. we did some shopping.
i bouht 2 t-shirts and 1 jacket.
one t-shirt and that jacket is for Alesja and my sister.
i have one tshirt =)

humm then.. i went to Sha Tin to meet Miki.
we wlked around, had coffee, and took a few pics in Snoopy Land.
i saw MeiPo there. hahaha. so cute...
then, we walked around. Miki bought me a tie form edc Esprit. cool !!! it's like 70% off ???
i dont know.
then i bought the bizcuts i LOVE the MOST in Vancouver.
OMG.. my fav. biscuts... hahaha i FINALLY FOUND it in City Super !
=)


hummmm walking around... back home resting, watching NExt Top Model.
then.. yea dinner, fruit (Lai Chee), hummm resting, on line....

i'm sorry for that guy, i really gotta reject him. coz i dont want that.
and for Mr. A.... i'm so sorry for all happened. i guess now he should understand my situation more.
i m just not ready for a new relationship. last night we were chating. and he wanted to know me more.
i told him the stories and facts. so... yea... then... i dont know. it's up to him. coz i really.... have no
feeligns at all. i'm so bloody cold now. just not... so into a relationship.



some firneds should undersatnd me, or no?
i dont know.
guess i'm right to not falling in love again.

>>June 24, 2007 at 7:30:32 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 22 日 星期五 【晴】

i m very tired. feeling not well.
busy working, same old days as before.

looking at the sky, looking at the clous, it was so sunny, beautiful as Vancouver.
at evening, red sun set i saw. so beautiful. i miss Vancouver.

i was sad, but i had laughs.
thanks Ellery, Ella's brother. he was so funny. but i odnt like him and i dont want to in between
him and May. flirtious ? i dont know why, i just dont like that now.
some guys flrt with me on line, but... now... i dont want them anymore.
sometimes find them bothering. some are nice guys, some are just cracy.
whatever it is. i m not avaliable. i'm single searching my way.
some ppl say... if you wanna get over someone, just go get a new one, then you would move on
totally. if that's true, why you care about the break up? it's just another renew isnt it?
to renew some guy besides, nothing special now? i dont know.
i just dont feel like to be in a realationship now. guess my dream might cant come true.
i wanted to get marry within 22- 25, having kids within 2 years of marriage.
but now... things seem not possible.

when i think of him... i dont feel alright.
i m not angry at him anymore. just sad that we break.
maybe good, maybe bad. i miss him... but.... guess everything is just over now.

what is mirical? i dont know anymore.


i wish Mr. A just stay away from me. i dont want him honestly.
i ve told him i dont want him. why he keeps coming back?
you dont know when i talk to him, i would only think of Stephen and it makes me so sad.
i miss him, i dont understand why. and i shouldnt miss him ! why ?!
what did i do wrong ? why i deserve all these? coz i love him at the begining, so i deserve all these?
then why should i love ppl now? i dont need any of them to make me sad !

>>June 23, 2007 at 3:06:52 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 21 日 星期四 【晴】

hummmm

very very hot today...
melting on the street...

i woke up at 10 30. then had McDonald's hotcake for breakfast =)
thanks dad and my sister Leggy.
then.... after a while, we got ready to have lunch, dim sum..
then after that, i went to Tsim Sha Tsui with dad.
he went to office, then i met Karen.
we did some shopping,.... hee. i bought a pair shoes at Stacato, and a hair pin at Alexender?
i forgot the shop name. they're so gorgerous and decent. hee =)
i love them.

i heard some stories from a friend today. i just think she's so so so brave.
if i were her, i would never be able to do all these.
and it's very determinded and very clear. i just admire this girl so much.
but, diff ppl have diff stories. diff decisions should be made, right?
hummm i just wish her happy =)
she'll be fine.

then... we had coffee at Pacific Coffee... then we walked to MTR station and back to school.


hummmm....
PSY 270. Human Sexuality.
well, i didnt know what this course is about. coz for me, i just like every courses in my major.
so yea, no much choices as well, so just take wahtever course offered.

got the self introduction time again. i PANIC.
i noticed myself panic. omg. it was so embarassing.
i dont like to do this actually. i was so nervous. i can do group discussion,
i can do questions and answers. but i just dont like to present or introduce myself in front of the class.
omg... where is your braveness Cas? you got trained so well when you 're in high school?
you got presentation and speechs and stufs infront of more than a thousand of ppl ?!
where re your guts? hahaha.. Cas... re you a little girl?

then it was kindda EMBARASSING. not coz i'm not open mind enough to talk about sexuality.
but the point is... this time is a big class for us. it's 30 ppl.
and my group mates, those two men were kindda DISGUSSTING.
they were so gross. i felt so UNCOMFORTBALE.
they need to disguss like why do we study in Human Sexuality.
those guys were like making some jokes like SEXUALLY. their laughs, and they voices and tones
just made me so UNCOMFORTABLE. what the hell. they even said of course they expect the course
would talk about sex skills or position??? ARE YOU IN SANE?
how could they say it in that FUNKY ATTITUDE ? we're so academic, not a group of sluts sitting
there dirty chatting. DO YOU SEE THE DIFFERENCE ? i was so ... shocked about them.
Dr. Chan came over... then he found them talking rubbish... then he was saying like dont let them
present. oh yea. please. never.

then the sec group discussion... i wasnt expecting them presenting actually.
but then, i dont know why the other guy didnt go, but one of THME just DID.
OMG... he was so fucking disgussting ! i'm sorry for my explaination. he was just nuts.
i was like... OMG.. dont say that, dont say that. then i was wondering if he did PRESENT about
OUR GROUP FINDINGS, or just HIS OWN FUCKING EXPERIENCE?
I VE NO INTERESTED TO KNOW ABOUT HIS PERSONAL THINKING on that STUPID WAY.
it was NOT FUNNY at all, idiot. i m worried for our performance today.
i would never sit ard him anymore...


then after calss.... 3.5 hrs class, i met aunt Pricilla.
we went to Cause Way Bay for a drink.
yea... a bar... but.. it was okay. it was not like Lan Kwai Fong.
it was the basement in a hotel.
then yea.... it was fine. just accompany her, give her a little bit of time to chi-chat.
then a guy/ man was, no, actually more than one, were looking at us sometimes.
then.. one man was just so near ard us. and when the ladies left, who seat next table to us,
that man came sit down. then we just thought we should go to avoid that man.
then he started talk to us. asking why we left to early.
then i told him oh yea, Cinderella needs to go home. then he said oh it's after 12 already.
your pumkin car must be gone already. why not wait for another 12 hrs?
well... maybe... ok, have fun , see ya.
ha... MEN.... SEXUAL ACTIVE MALE ANIMALS.



then... on the way... i just thought of him.. hummm... yea... i... miss him...
anyway... the post should be arrived. i hope he likes the gift.

>>June 22, 2007 at 7:13:16 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 20 日 星期三 【晴】

sigh

i m eating chocolate bizcuts now. so yummy.
now it s already 1 51 am of June 22.
whatever.

tomorrow i would have the night class.
before school, i would meet Karen. hummm hope she's doing fine.


today was just boring. same old day at work.
but then i watched the movie on lap top, something called "Holiday" ?it's a christmas movie.
hummm had class with Mandy. did some writing exercise again. she's so weak on grammar.


i got a post today =)
Thanks Alesja~~~ this year, i got three pieces of accessories =)
Alesja picked me the ear rings, very nice, thanks! Cap picked the ear rings too.
Shan picked hte necklace. all are very nice. Queenie picked a piece of art for home. nice. =)
i was smiling when i was reading her letter. it was so nice of her... omg... =)


recently, some ppl discuss on the break up issues, such as... how guys and girls cope up life.
the some guys would go have sex randomly, and do so much things that the girl didnt let him do,
and then some guys would get close to the girls, who his ex was so jealous of.
so many things.
then the girl cant sleep with guys randomly, coz the morning after, usually the girl would regret.
then.. girls tend to talk alot, just like a drama queen. then.. blah blah. some girls are just so brave to
take revenge. some girls sits at home crying over days and nights (i wonder if there still some like them).
then yea... blocking, swearing, yelling, crying, so many -ve things...
some ppl just release after break up, and that's not me unfortunately.
i'm so stuck in. sigh.
he might be laughing at me now. i miss him and i cry so much.
i wanna talk to him, but i dont know what to say. i wanna leave it alone, but my heart is still there.
i dont want to bother him or disturb him anymore but i miss him.
he might have moved on already. he might hate me. he might never talk to me again.
well.. i used ot think why ppl stop talkign after break up. i couldnt understand or accept at all.
now i undertand.. but... it's weird.
and it's really weird that i still miss him much.

i could have my normal day, i funtion well. have fun, have work, have school, have nice time with
family. have relaxed, have hanging out with frineds.... i m so free... but something is... just not okay...

sigh.
dont cry. just dont cry.

being single is good, but.... i dont know...
i felt like i lost so much.
i still feel hurt. not coz of what he did, but what he said to me.
sometimes it makes me wonder... if he really loved me... or... i was just some soul less girl.
sometimes i think... we were in love, we loved each others, but how come he could say things
so hurtful like that but not feeling sorry for? i was considering things from his shoes actually.
in chinese, we call that 個心好淡啊, like speechless, and very angry as well. just hurt and upset.
anyway.,... after almost 1 month, i realize how much i love him, it's so much.
i realize why i was so hurted and so sad and so angry. but i dont know if i should just move on now.
probably if i tell my friends what was going on, all they would do is to ask me stop being silly ?

Castor...
go to sleep.. just sleep.
dont cry. just dont cry.
i cant understadn why things turn out that bad. is it all of the sudden or it's for long but i didnt notice that?
okay.... stop...

>>June 21, 2007 at 6:21:17 PM GMT+8

2007 年 6 月 19 日 星期二 【晴】

hummm anotehr normal working day.

tried to cope with my unwillingness of work.
then... do busy jobs sometimes. just not that busy now actually.
then searching for some articles for my assignment.
yea, my first week, then i already need to work on my assignment.... hummm..

then.... smae same meeting family for lunch =P THANKS~~~
i love my family...

then back to the office and work for the stuffs. made many phone calls,
dealign with a banner, then have class with Mandy.
we went to McDonald's today and did some writing.

after work... i just met Shan.
i saw Queenie. she walked away. i guess i was right. whatever.

i had "bubble tea" with Shan at the Taiwanese Resturant.
then i recieved two gifts from them =) Thanks girls.
i love the gifts =)

after that.. back home having late dinner and watching tv.
coming on line ard 12 am? hummmm some guys are just looking for on line sex.
whatever. i dont like them.

chatting with Shan alot today..
cahtting iwth Cap on line too hahahaha.
then.. yea... wonder if Karen okay..
then yea... missing some ppl someone...
and... trying to not think about that.
i checked with the postal office. my package has arrived there, but not delivered yet.
hummm.. it was late.

>>June 21, 2007 at 3:44:20 PM GMT+8