2008 年 2 月 26 日 星期二 【晴】

hello....
back to the work place.

hummm the last few days were okay. tried to stay on ground not flying around..
it was very tiring to do my paper... i got it done on Mon early morning.
it was a long paper.. got lots to write. then yea.. finally it's done.

humm.. got class on Mon night. it was okay.. just got plenty of notes.
the teaching was canceled, then i took an hr to walk ard TST.. bought the pants. which looks really
good on me, from Esprit-edc. i'm not going to do lots of shopping, since i really would need money in future.
Tue... i just rested.. then went to meet aunt Pricilla, and went to her office to issue the ticket.
so.. i'm definitely going. i will go on May 6, and be back on July 7.
then in Aug.. i will fly again for anotehr 10 days.
after that, back to Tai Po for the teaching..

it was nothing much... just feel really tired.. really wanna rest and relax.
i'm kind of looking forward this term to be end. coz... i feel so tired already.. so much things to do
at the same time. i saw.... my classmates on Mon night.. not the classmates i am with this term,
but those who were with me in the last year. i was so happy to see them... coz maybe..
we have been together for some good time, work hard together, then this term it was only me,
by myself on my study... it seems a bit lonely sometimes when they're not around.
even though i was quite independent on my own, it was still good to have them in class..
and now.. it's always just me, so.. i feel so good to see them again. i miss them.
we chatted for a short while.. Karen Ho and Karen Choo were so funny. i really miss Karen Ho..
she's my first friend friend when i came to this school. when i was really down, she was with me.
then i saw Esther. haha.. she's so nice. i miss them lots, of course i miss the other classmates too.

anyway... yea... Leona just left. thanks. probably it would be the last time i will see her.

i m going to work on my final exam.. i m a bit lazy hahaha... i guess i m just too tired..
i just wanna do good, coz.. i'm graduating.. and i dont know what to do next..
my parents want me to do the master degree.. i want it too, but.. it seems very tiring for me already.
i wanna... work in the airline still. and then.. i could probably think about being professional in
psychology later, maybe educational psych, or developmental psych... but not clinical psych.
but.. all these plan would take years, right? and i'm not sure which one i should go for now.

this time.. i'm feeling lighter, as in... my parents are not as upset as the last time when i told them
i m going to Cananda again. they seem okay at least. it was a bit relieve for me. thanks God.
then... i'm a bit worried about honey. i hope things would be fine.

it's a bit weird about the msn and facebook..
i feel like something's been changed.. but shouldnt be me changing them. it happens once awhile..
then.. this web page.. i dont know who would come in here.. it's a bit weird when my close frineds,
who have my password here to ask me about my life.. and i was thinking.. oh i thought you know
how im doing. but actually they dont knwo at all. so i guess they dont come here, right? and it's alright.
but then... i know ppl come in... and i dont know who they are then.

then yea... after this term, i would have more time to rest... hang in there Cas.

>>February 27, 2008 at 4:23:30 AM GMT+8

2008 年 2 月 23 日 星期六 【晴】

hi.

it's been a long day for me.
hummmm busy at office.. a bit angry.. and a bit pissed.. but in a way... thanks..
coz... it means something could end soon. i wouldnt need to see Leona anymore.

the following is something i really dislike... the angry office story.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Christ dropped me a call.. he couldnt come.. then.. that was my lunch time.
honestly, i was pretty unhappy about that. coz it was the LUNCH time. and he knew he's sick...
why not just called earlier ?! i really dislike that. then.. Ella and i were preparing for his lessons.
screwed that i found that he was not teaching much at all in months. what the hell was he doing
with the kids? i dont know. then.. Ella got her frined ot help, but.. Ella asked me to wait for her
friend to come and teach her how to come. LOOK... it was my lunch time. but then..
i couldnt just walk away, coz that's my responsiblity to make sure things work well in the office.
i ordered sandwich.. then i ate at the front, but then.. i hate that she asked me to help her coppying
worksheets. i just thought.. if she didnt have lunch time, she didnt feel like to eat, but it was still my
proper lunch time. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, LET ME FINISH MY LUNCH HOUR IN PEACE.
and then.. finally the teacher didnt call. she came already. what the hell?
sigh. i was quite angry, coz Chris had the so called reasons, but they were Bull Shit..
i hate ppl talk shit in business. just cut off the crap, be straight forward that you cant come
and you didnt wanna call earlier, dont pretend smart, coz that makes you even more stupid and irresponsible.

then later.. Leona called. this girl really drove me crazy.. so i dont struggle with her anymore..
dont wanna get pissed by her, dont wanna know anything about her, dont wanna waste my time.
i let her talk with Ella. well, at frist, she and her lovely sister Joey had already did once at my back,
now i'm helping her to make the sec time, "talk with Ella". she should thank me. anyway, she QUITS.
i am supposed to be very happy, and i wasnt feeling too bad. we all actually kindda expected that
would happen one day. she's so funny, even more crappy than Chris. so.. i was kind of laughing
when i heard it from Ella. Ella was SO PISSED OFF. and i was like, okay, so now you understand
my feelings before. i dont wanna repeat her stuffs again and again. she's just a real bitch, and
same with her sister Joey. i m GLAD that i would not need to see her anymore.
one more, this coming Wed would be her last class in office.. i told Ella that if i were her, i might
be so nice to her that just hang up on her. if she spoke something like that to me, i would play the
same game with her, make things a bit difficult for her, so that she would shut her mouth when she leaves.
i m not a mean person, and i hate to be mean so much, but if it's necessary to stand for myself.
i will take it, without a doubt. it's like... i hate ppl doing that, so disgusting. why so stupid to act like
smart? why being so irresponsible and so irational. what make them think ppl would believe in what
they say? i feel insulted when i heard what they said. it's like... HELLO? DONT be STUPID.
i m not smart, but i can see how dumb you are, ppl. Stop Lying, Get The Hell Out.
pissing me off. Ella decided not to issue her cheque when she comes this last time. we would give her
on the first day of the next month. i really like this arrangement. she must be pissed when she comes
next Wed, coz it's the last day of this month, she would need to come one more time just for picking up
the cheque. well i guess this is what she deserves, easlier for her already.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

anyway.. i was supposed to have a farewell dinner with Jackie..
she's leaving tomorrow.. but then.. we canceled that. coz she has to have dinenr with her family.
it's fine. we was chatting on phone for an hr. it's fine.

then wrote some notes for Shan to follow up in the office next weel.. then back home..
resting, dinner... exercise =) yes. i started exercise again, and my healthy diet too. hee.

i have been working on the assignment, having lots of thinking in my head... have lots of reading
when i'm free at the office. and.. tmr i m gonna write this assignment.
hope that thigns would be fine.

my family knows that i m going to Van in May. they seem okay.. i'm... suprised... =)
i miss my honey. but i guess he's quite busy and tired... hummm... sometimes i wanna leave him
mesg, but... like.. when i was in office, i was very unhappy.. but.. i wouldnt wanna tell him imediately.
i did that lots when i was younger, but now.. i would consider more.. as in.. what about if he is really
busy or tired, is it still necessary that urgent for him to know about at that moment? would he really wanna
listen to me? and it's like.. it's the issue of the office with Ella... not him. i dont wanna bother him about
work everytime when it's not that necessary. i think i could handel my stuffs by myself. he can focus
on his own as well. but then of course.... i would love to have him on my side, listening what i share
with him. and... i would really really love to share his problems and happiness, or simple as his daily life.
i think the intense of love feelings or... intimacy and passion, including the care and sex both re very
important. i want these all. haha.. personal growth, relationship growth, family.. yea.
i just love him. humm... hee. does he understand?


hummmm anyway... i guess i wouldnt be angry at Chris, Joey and Leona anymore..
i just dont wanna suffer in something stupid and unhappy. it makes me sick.
i would rather be professional than stiupid with them. just let it be. dont wanna care.

i love my family! i love my honey! and.. haha... i'm.. looking forward to... haha..

>>February 23, 2008 at 6:17:59 PM GMT+8

2008 年 2 月 21 日 星期四 【晴】

hello morning castor.

i'm in office now.
having some little snack and tea for breakfast. it's.... Feb 22 already..

these two days have been a bit toguh... not as in rushing up school work..
but... too tired to get up. i guess i need more time to rest. i m not feeling well.
but.. i couldnt really sleep well.. i guess it's about the stress.
i went home for lunch... not because i have food waiting for me at home.. but i want some rest.
then everytime.. i struggled to come back the office. haha...

okay... Alex improved a bit. i was very happy. he shared with me about his school life. i was listening
to him. he told me he found that the english in P2 is much more difficult than in P1. i said yea, and how
do you feel then? then he said.. he wants to do better. his friends got very high scores in anotehr
class. i told him.. okay, your friends did very well, and you wanna do better, that's good. so we would
work harder together.. but there is one thing you have to understand that no matter how good others
do, you work hard for yourselves, not others, ok? then he said okay. then i ask him do you really wanna
do better? then he screamed YES! haha.. then i said ok, give me five ! haha.. he's so cute.
i'm happy for him, coz.. the HK kids nowaday are over dependent to their parents or maids.
they are taught to be not responsible to their own, including the school work and daily funtions...
some kids actually are not confident or secure to inatiate some simple tasks, as in tidy his school bag,
or be accure on the hand book writing. so, they are more messy. and that influences his social
paycho path, as in... doing well or not in school, active enough or not, possitive or negative attitude.
there're lots about psych, child development. and.. he has been improving in many ways.. so.. i'm happy.
he is welling to pay efforts to accomplish something, and he believes in his ability, that's the feeling
of autonomy and competence. yay, so great =) and i talked with his mom. his mom told me she s happy
when she heard what he said that he wants to do better at school but she's afriad that he's still like
a baby kid. then i said humm he's still alright at his age, and he needs some help on his homework
checking. but then we cannot only tell him where he got wrong, but to help him to develope the ability
or skill that he could check his own mistakes by himself. now.. evertime we do exercise, i ask him...
what mistakes he always makes.. then i asked him... if he could find the same mistakes.
he cant do that, but then with hints, he could. so.. slowly he should be able to realize what mistakes
he always make and how to correct them by himself. that's very important.. coz i dont wanna just
check for him and give him the correct answer. he's a smart kid and a great kid.. so.. yea.. i wanna
help him even though he is soooooooooo naughty. we still spend time to play games... coz... during
the play time and snack time, we chat and then we build up a more trusting relationship, like... friendship.
and when i explain to him i am unahppy while he was too naughty, then he understood and apologized.
i think this kid improves alot. haha.. i m so happy =)

anyway... i'm reading some books for my paper. this time.. the topic is fixed, and not necessary to do
so much research or case study. it's more like.. reading lots of chapters and then to apply on my own
life experience, and then.... trying to be self aware and write a long report with insight haha. something like that.
typical Dr.Chan class style.. it's development psychology anyway.. it's good to take some time to exam
my life, to check which part i was okay, which was not. it helps me lots actually. coz.. while i realize
something was not good, and i could make up later. that kind of things.

humm =) i ve seen honey on line more often recently. i know he is busy, and i do appreciate his time
with me. coz... even though it's only a short time, it means alot to me, as in.. i could feel closer with him.
i think this is important especailly when we are apart. it's not about talking and keep talking.. it's the care.
i care about what he is doing, if he's feeling ok or not, what he needs and plan to do.. and sometimes it
s more than that. haha. sometimes i need his help, or maybe i could help him a bit.. and sometimes..
it's even more than that. hahaha... it's about another kind of thinnnnngs. you know.. to care and being cared.
it's very amazing.
i dont know.. it's quite simple.. i wanna be with him, i wanna love him. i wanna spend my life with him..
i guess.. it's easy to understand... once.... you feel like... deeply connected with someone important.

>>February 22, 2008 at 4:19:57 AM GMT+8

2008 年 2 月 18 日 星期一 【晴】

Good morning.

i'm writing the diary for yesterday.. so.. actually now it's 20th.

it's such a big relieaf after the paper done.
i actually worked so long on this paper, like... a few days and nights, and over nights...
and i am not sure of its quality.
finally.. i have it done at 8 40am in the morning.. i mean.. with the reference page and the proof read.
but then... i know that i should have proof read more and more times... just dont have more time.
i finished 12 pages, the longest paper i have writen in this school year. i'm always over the basic
requirment, but... the last longest one was... ard 11 pages, and it was for the Abnormal Psych course.
anyway.. sigh.. good luck cas.

i took a nap... 3 hrs? couldnt really sleep then got up and check the paper again then shower,
washed up.. got fresh... then rushed back to school.
the last class with proff Casey. it was okay. i guess this is probably the last class he would teach
in HK, then he has to get back to the US campus, and he has his own professional jobs to do..
i dont know.. he told us about the conferrence, and the diff school project.. wish him good luck.
he's a great teacher. he took a few pics with us. he was shy. haha. he wore the red tie, very sharp.
i didnt know he would take class pic, coz our class is just too small. we will see him again on the
Final exam day. hummm it would be hard. coz.. there re so much information. after class..we chatted
for a short while. then.. he asked us not to be worried, and he knew what we wanted. haha..
no one asked about the tips in class, and he didnt give. but so funny.. last night.. i checked mails,
then i saw his mesg. he really knew it hahaha.. he canceled 2 chapters.. big help. ha..
then i also got the pics. hummm haha.. Castor looks a bit fat. and i really cant stand my hair already.
so... like what i said.. i promised myself that.. after this coming weeks, i am going to... you know..
make myself more beautiful.. haha.. as in.. i will go take care of my hair.. make new high light,
and.. probably perm it. i miss the wavy hair. then from this week.. i m going on the better diet..
wanna eat more healthy food and cut off parts of the snack. then i m going to exercise again.
i was just too busy and too tired to engage in exercise. so now.. i have 1 more paper to do.. then..
i would have time to prepare the Final.

back to work today. many bad news ard HK recently.. another great tv host died yesterday.
humm it was pretty sad on the tv yesterday. all the local channels were doing the same thing, i mean..
many programs were canceled, then.. yea.. many ppl talked about her past.

i didnt wanna come this morning when i woke up. still feeling sick.. very tired. i cant really sleep well.
but.. it's very bad that not coming to work. i have 4 days/week, from Wed- Sat. Fri and Sat are very
busy. then.. Wed is the first day of the week i work.. so.. usually gotta catch up a bit and re-organize
something. Wed and Thurs i have classes to teach, Fri as well. so.. it's not quite possible to take day
off in my work shift. if it's sick leave.. then... i feel bad too. coz.. it's like... i'm not doing my work very
well already. since i'm back to school, i just really dont have as much energy to concentrate at work.
and.. Ella knows it. Shan knows it too. i feel sorry sometimes.. but.. i m really trying my best..
like.. i dont know what i can do. i'm just so tired. when i got back to the office in the morning..
i just wanna sit down.. having breakfast.. i want to stay in peace. coz afternoon, i would start busy.
but then.. coz i always thinking of the school stuffs and otehr thigns.. i just got distracted.

ayway.. things would get better soon.

i miss my honey. he's on line. i wish to hug him right now =)
but i know he's very busy. would he push me away, if i am really there going to "attack" him? haha.
if so, i know what i should do next ;) heeheehee.

>>February 20, 2008 at 4:43:39 AM GMT+8

2008 年 2 月 17 日 星期日 【晴】

hello.

back to here.

i m in a very high stress moment now.
rushing up the paper. damn i'm stuck. and i'm sick.

i finally went to the clinic yesterday early morning. i cant anymore.. i just need the medicine.

i didnt go to class tonight. i called to school, the assistent let me speak to Dr.Chan.
i was suprised, his voice didnt sound like him. i was wondering if it was him.
anyway, he was very sweet. and i was a bit suprised. i called the school coz i wanna be responsible
if cant come to class. well Dr.Chan was asking me like... i have been sick for weeks, and he asked me
if i had rested enough, if i still worked alot in office, if this and that.. asked me to rest more and more..
he's really a thoughtful teacher. once i wrote on my paper about the counselling sections, and afterward,
in class, he asked about my situation privately. in group practice, he came sit in us, and then...
he would kindda like... let me to do the demo with him. he's very sensitive. somehow he's the most
sensitive teacher i have met, after my high school principle. thank him a lot actually. i felt very warm.
why is he so sweet anyway? i dont know.. guess coz i have been a really good student of his.

i called cancel the teaching as well. coz i really cant go there. and i'm so stuck in my paper.
i feel like i cant move on and cant step back. omg. i panic. there were a few times i wanna cry.
omg. i have been working on the history part, organizing pieces of stories, and ... puting them into..
my point. i changed my topic, i couldnt handel the president case. i chose to do Gay rights and laws..
and.. i wrote like 7 pages, and.. i found it a bit boring. i put all the history part first, but then..
now i'm writing about evolutionary psychology aspect, the child development affected, personal values,
morality, majority and minority influences. *wheeel...after all these process, i guess it would hit the
10th page, and i dont want it. i personally think it's too long, it was supposed to be 7-8 pages,
coz 6 was the min. and now... i'm stuck in the structure and stuffs. i knwo i'm not a good writer..
and i need a really long time to do the paper. i'm worried about this time, the paper is not strong enough,
i m a bit worried on the overall structure.. uhhhhh... i dont know.. need to keep working anyway.

after the medicine.. i feel better.. i need sleep, but couldnt really sleep.. and my brain is kind of slow..
i took a nap just now.. but i couldnt really sleep. maybe coz of the stress.

i chatted with honey on Sat. he has been very busy. i was glad to chat with him, really. i miss him so
much. i thought of him a lot, especially recently... before i slept.. i always tossing and turning..
then i couldnt stop thinking of him.. i think of the time we had together.. then i really really miss him.
when i woke up... my thought are usually messy... got loads of information running in my head..
then i would have a sence on my mind that... like... some wake up time in the morning with him.
i would want that happen one day. i guess coz.. it's soon to issue the ticket.. and i miss him more..
looking forward to seeing him very soon. i discussed with him on the trip again. i guess i would
delay my trip till May, if that would be easlier for him and me.
i guess when i'm not ard him or when he's not ard me, it's difficult to show the care and affection.
same with him i guess. and i dont wanna live without him, i gotta be patient.
wish him good luck on his work. wish him know that i would be there for him when he needs me anytime.
i would be there to support him. i hope he would do the same... maybe he cant now.. but... he would
want to, and he would do that.

i talked with Ella on Sat.. we had a small meeting.. to talk about the summer course prep and my leaves.
then.. yea.. hope things would be fine. and seems like i shouldnt be away for 3 months long, especailly
she would labour soon ard the time i m on leaves. and then i would need to take another 10 days off
in Aug.. so.. yea. kindda need to arrange my work well before i go, and tehre would need lots of work,
and time to do better prep for her as well.

Jackie called. she wanna meet up.. i refused. i really cant go anywhere with my paper dragging.
i'm so stuck in there. and the medicine make me kindda dizzy sometimes. i hate this feeling that i cant
work properly. but she's going back to Taiwan soon. see what i can do.

aunt Pricilla called a few times wanna meet up.. i postponed that for weeks. and Karen left me mesg
on Facebook. i wanna hang out with her.. but just dont have time now.

humm.. i'm going back to my paper now.
and... i promise myslef that i am going to exercise more, going on a better diet, better rest after these
busy work done in a few weeks. so that i could get back to the normal and peaceful life i would be
happy for. now i feel like i'm in the war, but i m glad that i have good friends and teacher to support me.

i hope i didnt miss a lot the class tonight. and i hope i can catch up with them fast later.
i hope to finish the paper tonight so that i could work on the proof read and the reference soon.
really gotta work hard. i need it done by tmr early morning. i need you to stay focus Cas!

>>February 18, 2008 at 4:41:03 PM GMT+8

2008 年 2 月 14 日 星期四 【晴】

hello.

my Valentine's Day was okay. it was boring... but then.... yea.. kindda expected.
the office was a bit quiet, coz many classes were canceled.
after work, i met Jackie and Mei Po. they wanted to sing k, i said no. ha.. then we met for dinner.
i didnt know it would take so long time to reject the karaoke time. oh my god.
after dinner, we had desert, then we went home. it wasnt really a big day this year.
i kindda miss the old days when we were all teens, at least at that time, we knew what we would do.
Jackie's boyfriend didnt come back to HK with her. Mei Po is single. so basically... like 3 single girls.
it wasnt really nice, many girls holding flowers or some sorts of gift. erhhhh...
the girls usually wear "pretty clothes" or cute.. then ususally with make up. hummm... ok.
i bought Jackie and MEi Po some Valentines M&M. haha.. Pink Friendship special edition.

i like to recieve chocolate. in high school... the more you get, the more popular you're.
or the more you give, the more ppl would remember you. haha. and then.... it was a great time to..
send love to your friends and recieve as well. some friends just wrap the chocolate like the small
cute gift. i did it once or twice only. i dont give alot, i only give to close friends. i would ... really think..
of which type of chocolate they might like... it's a happy day at school, kindda like a festival.
leavign there for 5 years. these 5 years, i dont really have big celebration for Valentine's, as here
could remind me. and every valentines day was kind of sad, isnt it? yea...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

anyway... i guess i have been sick for 2 weeks more.. i hought it's just a cold, so.. i dont need to take
any medicine. but then.. now... it's getting more serious. i just dont have time to go seek a doctor now.
no time to rest enough... im still headache about the paper.. i cant let myself sleep in bed now.
every morning i just struggle to get up. i dont wanna get up, really dont want.
i wish when i get up.... i could just.... make some breakfast... turn on the tv... reading.. then..
rest.. and go for a walk... coffee... then... prepare for dinner... then watch tv... and rest.

these days, i go home for lunch everyday. coz.... i dont wanna eat by myself at some resturant.
not really wanna be alone at outside. i go home eating simple lunch then watch tv... rest a bit..
i like to be alone at home. just wanna run away, really wanna run away. but it's kind of strange that
i always stay on line. i wonder if i really wanna stay alone or i actually want some companion?

you know... today... Sophia chatted with me at office. she asked me if i have a boyfriend. i told
her yes. then we chatted for a little bit. she's kindda funny. she always chat with me, but not other
teachers. she got me some snack sometimes. she's nice =) then... she told me about her and her
boyfriend. she asked me to change my job so that i would meet lots of new guys. i laughed.
she kept asking me if he's the one. i smiled. i didnt mean to find anyone ard my work place,
and i'm NOT looking for anyone anyway. haha.. i told her oh yea... but i'm too busy, and i m not looking for anyone.
yea.. busy... when i'm busy... what is still important to me? i know i'm not the workoholic.
Castor cant be though. haha.
humm i guess ... many things are as important as work or study. but... when i am serious working
on those, i wanna focus on them.. so... it's just hard to find time to socilalize with ppl. if i have time,
i would prepare for my study or work, take extra courses or stuffs like that to get myself well prepared.
i guess this is more challenging and attractive to me. but if i m with honey, then of course .. thigns would
be different. i wouldnt neglect my love or my family. but look at me. i d never dated any guys in HK.
what a shame.

like what Mei Po said last night... Castor, you were one of the most popular girl in school,
i thought you got lots of guys running after you. not only Mei Po, many otehrs mentioned to me.
but while they knew me more, they knew that... was.... not for me. i joked last night with Mei Po..
i said oh yea.. i got this i got that at school, but so what... when HKCEE came, bad luck, then i got
failed. then Jackie said then we lost everything. i said no, i didnt lose everything. i just started things over.
it's true.. i didnt lose everything. it was just a new page start in my life, just a different path from others.
some frineds use to say... if i want, i could have many guys i want. but personally i dont think so.
why would i want someone i dont know at all or i dont like at all. if i really got a random date...
why would i like to date anotehr one at the same time.. everything is so random... it's so... unstable.
it's like i dont even enjoy the casual friendship that much. if i go out, i would like to go out with some
close friends or just by myself. it's still much better than dating someone random on my list.
meeting new ppl is fine, making new friends is fine.. but... come on... not every HK ppl are nice. sigh.
forget it. how many ppl would understand that is the strongest and also the weakest of mine.

Christopher came by. hummmm... i didnt know he was inside. i headed office late after lunch.
Ella was there openning the gate for him i guess. then... hummm he told me how was his CNY.
i didnt know he was really half Philipino. i know he was half British, half Asian. anyway..
i have no ideas what he's talking about. maybe it's his family traditions? and i was kindda dizzy.
so... yea.. whatever... then i had a student here.. he asked the student .. if i was his girlfriend.
the student smiled. i guess he didnt understand what he said. then.. he said.. she's a good one,
get her, ger her. i was like.. huh...? ha.. strange enough.

i dont see honey on line, not yesterday either. guess who is spending time with him on the Valentine's?
haha i dont know. most of the days, i dont have much to talk with him. i dont mean to disturb him
on his work as well. but sometimes... i just miss him lots. i care about him much. so.. when i see him
on line, i would be happy and wonder how he's doing. when he's not on, i would know he's busy,
or he is resting. mostly i dont wanna disturb him. when he's on but not talking, i would guess he's busy
or just dont wanna talk. i wanna give him time and space he needs. i said hi then waited.
but then slowly i realize that i also ... neglect myself. and he neglects me. anyway... he wasnt
answering phone calls. i knew his reasons. but i was.. just thinking... why not just pick it up?
sometimes i m just so frustrated. i left him voice mesg anyway.

you know... for me.. i think... a sucessful person would sucess on his/ her career, maybe not very
rich but not bad. a failure can also success on business stuffs.. but only the real sucess have both
career/business and a good family. and then because of the success, or a goal towards that..
life becomes so challenging and also beautiful. not too competitive, not too aggressive.. but...
would find happiness and warm on the process. like... life is basically full of progress, with stages.
sometimes we run faster, sometimes slowing down.. sometimes up and sometimes down.
i hope that.. i would have someone i love to be with me.. walk with me in my life.. but this person..
should love me in his life as much too. so that... the love would not die as it grows. i used to say...
when a bad guy falls in love with a nice girl, i believe that it would be a lovely ending. ha.. i know it is true.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

okay. Valentine's day is done, but the love is not done. and i'm back to my paper.. i finally decided to
write about the current President, George W. Bush... hummm yea this case with the topic about the
Presidency, and the Special Privilleges. i dont have as much time like i used to have.. so.. i would just
try to do it as fast as i can and... i would need lots of proof read this time.

give me a few days more... i could go to a doctor or taking medicine.

i love my honey.. and.. i hope everything would be fine soon. i would love to see him soon.
i just... look forward to. i havent told anyone that i am really looking forward to seeing him...
i just dont wanna tell ppl about my feelings. it's so happy, so excited.. and ... also with a bit of fear.
it's like.. nervous.







>>February 15, 2008 at 5:46:58 PM GMT+8

2008 年 2 月 13 日 星期三 【晴】

Happy Valentines Castor.

nothing really special this year.
i dont know.. i guess Jackie or MeiPo would call me later. we might meet up tonight.
i didnt buy much chocolate. i dont really prepare. i guess if i see them tonight, then i would get some
chocolate for them. i prepared some Ferrero Rocher for my student, and for whoever would give me
chocolate today. it's just like what i used to do, but far less than in high school time.

i had breakfast this morning.. fresh hot egg tart and some egg salad with vege bun. got some hot tea.
i ate apple last night, i need good nutrition.
actually the Ceylon Breakfast Tea taste better than the English Breakfast Tea. nice.
these two days, the shopping mall here is very quiet. the morning becomes so nice and peaceful.

i was very sick, like.. my joints and back are so sour and kind of pain. i dont why.. it was so terrible.
i couldnt sit or stand for long, then... i dont know.. when i lay down, it doesnt help much.
i couldnt sleep last night till 4 am i guess. i m so sleepy. and then... sigh. i m a bit worried about my paper.
i still have no ideas what to write about. omg. i'm running out of time again.

you know what.. it's really tiring.. like...... always busy and rushing stuff, like... if i am slow, then i wouldnt
be able to finish what i have to do. i feel like everytime is just so lucky that when i need help, i get help,
when i am almost late, i got some luck. i wish this term would end soon. mid March is a bit far from now,
but guess what... for me... time just FLY. week pass by week, and i got something big to do every
weeks. i'm so tired. i started school since last April. it's been 10 months busy working with high stress,
it's just full of ups and downs. every Sunday is my "pink time", which means i wanna do something
i like, be like my fav pink colour. i wanna relax, i watch tv, staying home, eating small portion of food,
cookies, corn flakes, juice, tea, other snack.. i wanna watch movie or just CSI series on tv are great.
no hang out, no shopping, no crowd, no noise. am i a bit avoidant? i guess i m just too tired to socialize.
but... if my good friends come abck to HK, then.. of course i would make time for them..
i dont know. coz... anyway the sunday is usually the day i need to work on my school work, rushing
the paper or preparationg for exams. so.. it's another reason why i stay home. sigh.

i guess everything would be different since this term end. i would have more time to rest, and less
stress from school. then after a month, i would fly over to Canada, for another long vacation with honey.
then... also need to prepare for my final project, and dealing with the old transcript from other colleges,
then... need to help Hilary on something.

anyway. got some chatting with honey yesterday. i dont know if he knows today is the Valentines Day.
hummm i would be very happy to recieve anything or just a greeting from him for sure.. but...
somehow...
i dont expect anything would happen, just learn to be smart and realize that i dont wanna give in hope in
these special days. it's not that i'm not special, but i dont need to wait for someone to make things
special for me, i should do it for myself. i guess if someone wants to do sth, s/he would always find the
way to do it, and not by forced. then yea, i would welcome any gift from anyone =)

i love honey... i m waiting for him... but... i also know that... i couldnt wait for any suprise.
coz suprise comes from no where... and you dont know when it comes.

>>February 14, 2008 at 6:46:12 AM GMT+8

2008 年 2 月 12 日 星期二 【晴】

hello.

yesterday... i went to class, PS 100 US Government.
i got my paper back. i got 93%. the comment was pretty good, and i got something to work on, so that
next time i could get a higher score. and... yea, the next time means now, coz it's due to next week.
i have no ideas in my head. omg. i think... i will probably do Interest Group, hummmm about teen worker.
but.. i dont know... sounds like another big topic, so.. i m kindda worried not enough time to prepare.
and then... besides, i'm thinking of other topics. humm.. i wanna get another "excellent" from him.
Proff Casey said... he grades by level A, B, and C. then C is average, B is good, A is excellent.
then within each level, a high score means a better quality, more outstanding. C means 70%, B means
80%, A means 90%. it's a bit hard but okay.

i couldnt really focus in class. i wasnt feeling well. yesterday was talking about the congress and
the president. hummmm many information, kindda interesting. just need to keep the brain running..
he shared his experience with us while he was working for the us government. hummmmm.. hee...
i guess.... behind being a teacher, he has some secrets in his personal life.

oh yea... on Mon night, i have Mid Term for Adulthood class. i stayed till the last min.
i wrote full of the answer book. i saw Dr. Chan open it and smile. haha. cool Castor.
this time, he's not going to ask you if you're okay with the exam. haha.

then after class, i wasnt feeling well. so i called cancel the teaching, then... on the way home, i passed
Sha Tin, and i bought a doughnut and cinnimon roll home. back home resting, helping dad..
then.. after dinner, watching tv and taking care of the pics of CNY. there are some more coming from
Jackie and Shan, that day out iwth Jackie, and that day modeling for Shan's fashion project.

i feel so old.. like... this winter is a bit too long this year. the last few winters were not cold, but this
yea is really cold, and for like a whole month. i like Fall and Winter much more than Spring or Summer.
but this winter is killing me... i feel old, coz the weather is always depressing, cloudy and chilly.
the nice winter should be sunny. now it makes me so tired all the time, i couldnt stop drinking hot stuff,
always need hot tea or hot food. sigh. i wish this end soon.

back to the office.. holidays end... ohh nooooo... nooooooo....
no more long sleep, no more free time on tv, no more hang out, no more slacking at home..
i need to catch up with my school work and work. and yea... the flgiht ticket.

>>February 13, 2008 at 4:48:03 AM GMT+8

2008 年 2 月 11 日 星期一 【晴】

hello.

now it's Feb 12, and i'm going to write the diary of Feb11.

yesterday.... i woke up very late. i couldnt sleep at night till 5 am..
so... i woke up.. then... spending some time to wake myself up...
washing up, watching tv, coffee... then started studying.
then i ate with my sister at home... then....

i saw Stephen on line. then we chatted. and i got the call from Edgar.
hummmm... Stephen is very busy.

i went to school... having Mid Term. it was okay... it was not too bad i guess.

i got some weird dream last night. i slept ard 4 or 5 am.
humm..

i m not feeling very well. i dont wanna go to class later, but i have to.
i dont know if i have to teach tonight... hummmm.... yea...
i'm heading to class now, be right back.

>>February 12, 2008 at 4:55:07 AM GMT+8

2008 年 2 月 9 日 星期六 【晴】

hello.

yesterday and the day before, were the day 2 and day 3 of the CNY.
on the day 2, this year, we didnt go to MA On Shan. we went to Sheck Pai Wan, aunt's new home.
grandpa and all relatives just went there for a big gathering.
we had dinner. we had lots of chat time. i saw Sheila and Isabella. yea, Isabella's back.
haha. we had lots of fun. it was great. then..they also asked about Stephen.
and then... quite good.

the day after, yesterday, it was the day 3.
and.. i met Jackie, and Mei Po. omg. we had K-time. it was okay. it's been almost a year i havent stpped
in k-room/ k-box. the last time was in Canada with Cyn, Ade and Cap.
i sang, and it was great, HAHAHA. really, the best i've done haha.. i consider that's great.

then... Ka Lok and PoonPoon called Mei Po, and they these two boys decided to come joining in Mong Kok.
so.... these two boys bought us movie tickets and pop corn, we watched "Kung Fu Basketball", some
sorts of name, casting Jay Chow, ar Sa, Chan Pak Lam, etc. it was quite idol-idol movie.
Chan Pak Lam is very very cool, so good looking. and many ppl there are the fans of Jay Chow.
then... yea... it reminds me the high school time. coz my guy pal were the basketball players in shcool.
then my girl pals were dating them as well. so even if we were in different class, the girls and i
were at their basketball match. i was the class respresentatives and vice presdent of Student Union,
it was kind of good for me to watch their match, since they're also my friends. haha. i like watching them.
they were cool.

yea, after the movie, it was 6 sth already. the guys went to game center. we all went there,
then i found very uncomfortable with the other gys there, always stairing at the girls, so.. Jackie,
me and Mei Po just left. we found a Taiwanese Tea House, and we had bubble tea there.
we chatted alot. so funny, coz before movie, we sat down some foodcourt. and they started chatting
about the old stuffs at high school, and also joke about everything. super funny we all laughed out loud
and lots. PoonPoon and Jackie talked lots of crab, and also the "yellow jokes" at each others, it was
super funny, and they're just too funny about those. when we were in high school, i d never got easy
to join thier conversation like that, i was always protected by other friends. and usually that PoonPoon
was the winner of the worst or meanest joker, and yesterday, Jackie was the queen ! and tha two
boys were silent in the end and it was so funny. coz they were fine, just knew that JAclkie improved
lots of jokes or stuffs, especailly the yellow part, and she was not shy at all. HAHAHA.. so funny.
it's been sooooo long i havent laughed like that, really. it sucks but it was so funny. this kind of fun
would be olny found in lonnnnng term friendship, and it was like since highschool. coz most of them
were the stuffs happened in highschool, and now we brought them back and found so funny for
everything, and the new life experience just made us laugh so much. when we came to those secrets
in high school, we just kept laughing, and we talked about the sexual stuffs, then we couldnt breath
from laughing, coz it was too funny that we had no ideas those stuffs ccould actually came from JAckie.
anyway, it was fun but not embarassing. then we went to Pizza Hut. we had late dinner ard 10 30.
it was kindda crazy but okay. we shared food and we couldnt finish them. big waste. but then..
yea we just all went to Tai Po after that. it was a fun day out with them. actually like Mei Po,
she always wanna meet me since last year when JAckie was in HK. then.. i didnt have much time..
and i didnt go out with her. we both live in Tai Po, we could easiley meet but we just didnt. she called
a couple of times last year. we finally meet yesterday after 1 year when JAckie's back again. haha.
and it was funny, coz Ka Lok seems a different person. i dont know. i was not close with him..
and coz he was Queenie's boyfriend, so somehow it was a bit strange. and yesterday, he just became
my normal old calssmate, a friend. he was not that bad.


anyway, on the Valentines, Jackie and i might meet up =)
haha..
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

okay...

since these three days done.. i'm going back to my busy life.
tomorrow i will have school, the Mid Term.

last night, i woke up from stomacache. it was hurting so bad... so i woke up and took a pil, very bad.
and at that time i was in a very bad nightmare. it was a really nightmare.
i got myself in a very bad situation. i was told that... to... i dont know..
then.. i was the one being accused, and i was told to back off something, and i was helpless.
i didnt know what to do, coz he didnt believe me, he believed another person who was gossiping
and doing bad things behind me. it sounds so weird.. then.. i went back to sleep after the pill,
then i got anotehr weird dream i couldnt remember much.. but... like... another nightmare..
i was in a very complicated relationship. the guy.. i dont know who that is was asking me questions..
and this and that.. i could remember that i was in a fight, and.. the other girl was aingist me, like...
she wants the guy, and she comes to talk to me.. sth like that. it was so weird, it made me think of...
what happened and my worry.

i guess.. i should really dont take every things so serious. coz.. it's like... i'm doing this for nothing.
and like no one would care much, except me. so why the heck i'm so serious. i know it's just me..
but maybe if i could just take things a bit easily, i would feel much better. i could have more fun.
if you dont care, nevermind. i care. i dont care if you dont care. i'm not saying i would turn to be a
play girl since today. just that if i could just dont care too much things then it would be much easiler
for me. and i might be happier.

some memorries are very incredible, some are terrible. so shall we just hang on to the good?
i wanna live a happy life.

>>February 10, 2008 at 10:19:53 AM GMT+8