2008 年 7 月 10 日 星期四 【晴】

hi.....

another busy day... busy like hell... since 11am till 9pm... 10 hrs.
the only break time was 2 30- 4 pm.. my late lunch break.

i woke up at 9... same same.. breakfast and prep to work..
then walked to the office.. start another day.

hummm with Shan.. we had a meeting in the morning.. then started work right afterward..
i translated the letter and Shan typed it out and we proofread together.. then we fixed the store room..
TOO MESSY over months.. then we re-lable stuffs and clear the cabins... sigh..
then we clear the front desk and files.. then i have made some new notices for students..
then we had late lunch and we bought a kattle today.. i had chicken pasta.. but didnt taste good..
then back to work, started to be super super busy again.. fixing different things and regular daily work.
i cant remember what i've done.. i just knew i did lots of paper work, and at the same time...
lots of arrangement for the schedule and busy daily work for classes. so.. i just stayed till 9 pm...

so.. before Mon... tomorrow would be the last day work.. and i gotta get everything done... otherwise
Shan is gonna be suffering in it. and.. i'm glad that she's here these few days, at least a few hrs each
day.... to help me out.. we are fine.. i'm sure we would be able to get things done... team power..
and we had no problems working together.. i'm so glad. well, we're best friends.
well after shan's left.. i have been on my own dealing with the same amount of work, actually more..
coz when she was here, she shared. but when she's gone, i did everything.. so.. yea.. i was kindda
pissed off at the printer.. kept having error... kept jamming my paper without reasons...
then before i go.. i just make sure everything's fine tomorrow when i'll be back..

Ella left us a note on the log book.. she thanks our help and said we are like her saviour... well...
i dont know.. we got 2 new studnets yesterday.. and some parents called me today and askd about
the courses.. they might actually join.. i will be looking forward for that. i would do every of my best
to help them and to meet their needs with all my resources. so.. yea.. looking forward for their call back.
May lost 1 more student today. i'm kindda angry at her today.. she lost so many students. she just told
Ella at 3 pm oday that tomorrow she cant com for the morning baby class. and Ella told me ard 4 or 5.
and i was super super busy in rush, never stopped for a second. i totally forgot about to call and
re-arrange the class. May asked me what's gonna happen with the class tomorrow.. she asked at 7.
i was like omg.. i totally forgot.. then i just put down my other urgent stuffs and called.. and i was
kindda angry at her, coz... she definitely should know that she cant come tomorrow morning..
it's her another job, and.. it's like a regular pre-school. and how the hell she didn know about the
speech day tomorrow? it's full of shit. the school got notice for the parents like at least 1 month yea?
and the teacher ususally knew it like 2 months at least. and this is not the first time what. i asked her
why not just tell us earlier? i was angry. i told her we have been so busy these days.
sigh. she is just terrrible. she got so many complains from the parents, but she complaint to me the
students are bad or stupid. you knwo what? it's her fucking responsiblity to teach the student and
guide them at least. her teaching style just doesnt work anyway. i observed and i saw how she taught.
i would be very upset if i was the parent or the student. Ella and Shan knew the problems but just
no one is willing to talk with her. i tell you what.. if things happen like this again when Ella's gone..
i would be the one to tell her straight ahead that there have been so many problems happening in her
classes, and we have lost so many lessons and students coz of this. i'm so sorry for that..
but somehow... she's the teacher and she got the responsiblities to think about how to teach better
so that we can help the students or at least to make the parents see that we are doing our best.
but not like... they kept complaining and even scolded her in her face.. sigh.. i dont know..

i got chatting iwth Shan this morning on the way to the office...
i told her about Ben.. then Shan reminded me that... i shouldnt be too nice to him.. she meant like...
the first day i met Ben he was already not being like a friend to me.. and she asked me why i still being
honest and nice to him.. i told her coz.. it' just me and i dont wanna lie to him.. well i just told him the fact
that.... i lied to him... i didnt have phone number but actually i did but just didnt feel right to give him.
i think i should tell him.. coz i dont wanna feel bad about lying and i dont wanna lie.. sigh..
she said.. i should becareful with guys.. coz.. some guys they might just want friendship but most of
them want more.. and it's like the non-scientific research that show.... guys and girls cant be plainly
friends.. coz of the attraction.. so.. when we're in a relationship then... really gotta becareful..

humm.. i dont know.. i'm going to rest soon tonight.. i didnt have coffee.. i had tea instead..
i hope i would have good sleep tonight..

>>July 11, 2008 at 3:13:40 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 9 日 星期三 【晴】

Hi.

hummmmm very very tired day...
sooooo busy... since the morning at 11 then.... sigh... 8 pm.. well i have a lunch break.

i woke up at 9.. washed up, madeup, then came checking mails then made breakfast and coffee...
it was raining so hard today.. and i was woken by the storm and lightening last night..
anyway.. back to work.. started being busy... i was on phone.. then kept working on the handbook
stuffs.. gotta check some info.. then... Shan came back... we got a short meeting.. then... had been
working on the schedule together.. lots of troubles with the summer course schedule..
then.. yea.. we were fixing it together... not done yet.. many students got problems..
then we were out for lunch very late.. like after 2 sth.. we had McDonalds.. then we did some
shopping for the office together.. and we were planing to get a kattle on our own.. coz.. we always
want some hot water to make tea or coffee at the office.. i dont use that coffee maker anymore,
coz no one was willing to take it to clean everyday. i refused to. i hate that smelly washroom.
so yea...

then back to the office together, and worked on the schedule again... sigh.. that parent... called me
5 times at least today. i was very very annoyed, coz she kept changing her mind and told me
everything not related. she kept telling me different things, small things, but those small changes
and her changed mind just caused me supper big work to do. she got very strong mandarin accent
and she kept talking to me loud. i was sooooo annoyed coz i was so busy in every minute.
my line was always jammed.. i was so glad that Shan came over today.. i got 3 or 4 tasks on going
at the same time in every mintue. when when i was talking to the parents, my hands were coppying
notes for classes, then editing the design of the handbook, then fixing the schedule for another
student. when i'm off the phone, another one called in... then yea.. and i was fixing schedule for the
others as well.. and someone walked in.. blah blah blah.. so many things are happening at the same
time. really gotta multi-tasking. really. coz the summer course starts next Mon.. and.. now.. i'm rushing
to do the final part. hopefully can have the better transition in the summer course and after Ella's gone.
things are going well these two days, and i'm happy for that. well, that's the team power ;)
then... Shan left after a few hrs.. then i had been working for the rest.. and i got the handbook done
finally.. and then... i have done some doc.. and.. kept fixing stuffs...

some parents are happy to see me back.. some of them tried to talk with me but i was so busy since
my first day back.. so.... i couldnt have much time to talk with them... and then.. yea..

got a few friends wanna chat with me on line.. oh yea.... Ben... the guy who was hitting on me in the
club.. which is also my close friend's friend. haha.. i was surpried that he mesged me on MSN.
well, just catching up only. i dindt have time to talk with him much actually got tasks on going..

time flies.. i'm just back to the busy life.. just the same as before.. but... with a happier face, better
working attitude and skills. hummm time flies... back to HK for 3 week already.. and.. i'm going to Van
in 1 month sth... hummm...

i think of him more these days..
i cried these two nights.. in bed... i just think of him more.. i miss him..
i got my sttuffed doll in bed with me.. when i closed my eyes.. i just couldnt figure out where i am...
in his house or in Lisa's home? or .... HK ? yea.. i'm home Hong Kong..

i had too much coffee these days.. i couldnt sleep well.. but then... if i dont drink enough coffee...
i dont feel like having enough energy. i want some hot water or hot tea instead.. but we just dont have
hot water in office.. so.. yea.. anyway.. i hope to have good rest tonight..
i miss him so much.. but i also tell myself that... i need to be well.. then... at least.... i still could be proud
of myself that i could live my life well..

i miss him..

>>July 10, 2008 at 3:39:54 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 8 日 星期二 【晴】

Hi..
long busy day...


hum today is my first day to return to work.. well.. officially i mean..
i woke up at 8 sth.. i got some nice dream last night so i didnt wanna wake up..
but then just prepared for work, made breakfast and coffee...
dressed up and made up.. then packed up and left..

i got back at 10 10am.. coz the first lesson will start at 10 30.. so.. yea.. i walked with Shan..
then.. after Shan left, i kept working and working... today is long.. coz i was supposed to leave at
7 15... but i left at 8.. so... yea.. 10 hrs work.. today is very busy.. i kept being on phone the whole
morning... like.. the first hr sth was the meeting with Shan.. then started being on phone since 11 40
till 1 30pm... kept calling the parents.. coz we need to reschedule lots of classes.. then dealing with the
sales guy from another company for awhole day.. sigh.

then i headded for lunch.. got some soya milk and hot dog, plus an egg tart... it's a full lunch..
hummm after lunch, just checked e-mails again... i read an article about sourdough bread is healthier
than whole wheat bread. i was like what?? really? coz i dont eat sourdough but definitle whole wheat.
but then now.. i dont know... mayb whole grians? the scientist said the whole wheat bread might be
actually as same or worse than the white bread. hummm..

then i checked a few universities for the graduate studies.. hummm developmental psych and clinical
psych. the system in HK, US, CA are all different.. so... sigh.. but no matter what i would need to take
GRE. and it would be like in Oct and Nov.. the result would be released in Dec if i took in Oct..
then my Tofel is expired already, so i would need to take Tofel as well.. and... how am i going to be
able to do my research, GRE prep, and Tofel prep all together in the coming few months? and still...
need to contact my previous teachers to write me referrence letters? i need at least three..
and okay.. the most difficult part is... my official transcript. i called to school today.. they said.. i could
only apply to do my research in mid or late Oct.. then if it takes 4 months.. it would be done like in Feb..
then need to wait for 4 weeks for the result and another 6-8 weeks for my officail transcript...
it would be like.... in April or May 2009. if i wanna catch on the semester in Sep 2009, the deadline of
addmission would be in the early or mid Jan 09, depends on the university.. so.... i wont be able to
apply for the intake in 2009 anyway. moreover... it would be like ... 25- 30 ppl taken out of 300..
so.... i gotta be very outstanding to get into the high ranked group and luckily get inot the interview...
i'm not sure if i would be able to do so.. i checked the GRE smaple exam... specialized in Psychology..
the questions are not too tough.. but i definitely havent studied in some catergories.. really..
but i have checked my GPA.. i'm still very good.. and the courses i have token are very advanced and
would enhance my future research path.. so.. yea... and i got relevant working experience in almost
3 years ... if my reference letters are strong enough.. then i might have a higher chance to be amitted.

you know.. i still think that GRE has a little bit bias on the language and the cultural differences.
it's not a big deal, coz it's not like the IQ Test... but... somehow.. the way they express,
the sentence and stuffs are in American style.. i'm not so sure how big different between the Canadian
and the American style.. but i belive that there would be some even though they're both North
American Style. i ave read the books from different countries and even the course title and design are
quite different.. so.... i dont know if it would help me as in easier for me to prepare for the GRE... but...
yea... i will try my best. i read the sample test.. it wasnt too bad. i can handel it, but i would need some
time to preapre well and well.. coz i know i gotta get a really really top score. well i will have a whole
year to do all these stuffs till 2010 right? hee. i wanna get scholership... coz that would be the best
way for me to study in Canada again, i really need that.

then yea... got back to work... kept being on phone again.. and ppl kept calling in as well.. my line was
always jammed today... and then... yea... besides, i was designing the new handbook for the summer
course, and planing stuffs for the coming weeks in the office.. i do a lot of work today..

then yea... gotta prepare well and do my job well before leaving again in Aug.. Ella would be on her
maternity leave in 2 weeks or 1 week.. then all would be counted on me and Shan. i would be in the
office longer than her.. so... i gotta be able to do my job extra well.
Ella mesged me last night.. very late... that... she would give me bonus each month if i dont take any
day off in my regular schedule. and then.. if i got any new student in our regular programe, then i could
have some comission. well.. it's a very small amount of money, really small. but.. it makes me think
that... i should work harder... coz... when i wasnt here... that 6 weeks.... we lost more than 20 students.
and it's like... she would be gone really soon.. and so many thing would be simply incharged
by me as in.. Ella wont come to the office, and so we wont have as much discussions.. so.. i would
need to make my own decisions in opening classes and changing schedule and stuffs..
you know i dont agree with Ella's persepctive sometimes.. but now i'm taking more responsiblity in her
perspective and so i would need to consider more on everything. well, Shan and i would be doing this
together... so... haha best friends as a team.

that old man walked back.. hummm i dont remember how many times i have been bothered by these
kind of ppl... and it's like... why is me? i told Shan that the man walked back and started talking to me
again whenever he passed by. then Shan said... when i was gone, he d never shown up. i'm back
now then he's back too.. it's like.. he's coming for me.. omg.. i saw him twice today. he called me
MISSY in his strong voice in the shopping mall while i was heading to get some lunch. and the ppl ard
me just looked at me. i was embarassed, i didnt look at him but said hello. then i walked away.
the sec time.. when i was back to work after lunch... he walked by the office and started talking to me
but i just ignored him totally that... i dont know.. i dont know what to do. i dont wanna start talking with
him coz he just..needs someone to talk to but not me. coz i cant. i'm saying it not as psychology student
but... as a staff in my company. so... the only thing i can do is... not to offense him but ignore him..
if it's necessary i would just tell him directly and straightforward that he should talk to someone else
instead coz i dont want to talk with him in my business hour, and infact i cant help him.

i got some nice dreams last night.. i dream of him.. and i didnt wanna wake up...
when i was having breakfast.. i was watching news as well.. but... i think of him..
dont know how he's doing recently.. i hope he can tell me more... just like... when i was there, as least
he would show me something or tell me something or share with me... that's the basic communication
i want.

i was supposed to be home tonight, from Van to HK... i was back home early... 2 weeks earlier? yea..
and.. i havent seen him like... 3 weeks? i miss him.. i do.. but it's not as bad as last year.
i do learn to be on my own... be more independent and how to deal with lonliness...
i learn to like myself, then to love myself, and to appreciate myself.. i am feeling good =)
i am finding back my value and... myself.. like... being myself and love myself. it's the progress in life.

sometimes i miss him so badly, and i dont know for sure if he and i would be able to live happily
together in future. it's like... i need to be cared but he cant or he just doesnt.. my doubts cant be solved
in the way that we are doing now.. i am not asking for a lot of attention... not asking for any materials,
well.. but maybe it is alot to him already.. i do love him... i trust him that he would succeed and
we would be happy together..
but how am i supposed to carry on with the only hopes, sometimes up sometmes down, and at the
same time keep watching them fading or dying.. i really dont blame him.. and i do wanna be
understanding and patient.. if i do blame him or being irrational.. i have already done something stupid
and hurtful to him without a doubt or guilt.. well not necessary as in having an affair but.. i dont know..
i d never thought about that.. but.. yea...

sometimes it's just really tough for me.. and i wonder... if he wants me then he couldnt just take me for
granted.. coz i'm not doing anything bad behind him or i'm not some terrible person..
i always listen to him and i trust him. i trust him so much. i give in alot.. and i cant just see myself giving
in more and more and more but without feeling being appreciated. maybe he does but i just dont see it.
i dont see myself struggling alot.. but i have been watching and seeing.... seeing things happened..
and seeing how his life is... i really love him alot.. if i dont, i would have been done and gone already..
i gotta be tough for myself....... just like what he said to me that i should be more independent..

omg.. i seem writting lots of personal feelings here about me and him.. i am not supposed to do that..
coz.. it's very personal and.. private.. then i dont want to put on pressure to him.. coz.. i really dont
want him to bare more responsiblity or... more questions at the moment.. but... if i dont tell him...
would he know or would he understand?

Cas... just give in more time.. i know it's really tough... but.... you know why you havent just walked
away... it's coz of the faith and the trust in him. you cant blindly trust him or blindly love him... but...
you should belive in yourself that... you arent blind.. and even if you are... just make sure when you
wake up, you would see a bright road ahead. dont think too much... just live your life and love your days.
keep your brightful spirit.. coz.. this is the Castor you like about yourself..

>>July 9, 2008 at 3:51:26 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 6 日 星期日 【晴】

hi.

last night i slept late... then i woke up late..
then i rushed to meet up Shan and met Tse sir for lunch.. we had Vitnamese..
humm then we went back to office.. then... nothing much... i stayed there for a short while..
then walked home resting.

we talked alot about future plan and stuffs... they encouraged me to try different things as in...
if i know what i wanna do then i should just keep trying and set the piority right.
Shan told me she always hears me worry for this and that.. she said i think too much..
i know.... now it's like.. there's nothing much i can do yet except waiting... and plan well..
the most important things for me now are the coming research and going to Van in late Aug.. then...
i am going to contact my school in the States that i need my official transcript... then i need to contact
some old teachers, like Dr.Greene, Professor Casey, Redmond, Dr. Chan or even Lisa and Joy to
write me some reference letter... to apply for the master degree program. at the same time... i would
need to prepare for the Tofel.. coz... mine is expired already and i gotta retake it if i'm applying the
master degree program. hummm then i might try to apply being a flight attendent one more time at the
Cathay Pacific.. i really wanna be a flight attendent.. but for long term... working in Psychology would
be the better choice for me.. of course the best is being a housewife... but........ yea.. working doesnt
mean that i couldnt take care of my family, right? i would be able to do that.

i used to pray alot when i need to make some big decisions... and now it's the same...
i feel like.... i should try everything... but i dont know which is the best or at the same time...
i cant control everything, right? so...... the religious part of me just telling me that i should pray.
when i'm thinking what i would be doing in 5 years.. i really have no ideas.. but then.... yea...
i'm a bit worried.. but at the same time... i know what i'm doing and what i am going to do..
just that... at the moment... everything is still a bit confusing.. and a bit complicated... so need time to
sort things out.. and.. yea.. see how things go.

humm i wanna exercise more... need to work out..

>>July 7, 2008 at 12:48:16 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 6 日 星期日 【晴】

i cant imagine...
i cant imagine how i will be like if i were singing the song "Jenny" with my friends...
dancing crazily? it's like what i would do only with my friends in Van.. or with Shan...

i actually really like this song, coz it seems so happy.. i like the melody and the spirit from the melody.
and i wanna be that Jenny sometimes, well actually i'm like that... but... no much ppl have seen me
like that i guess.. maybe Shan did.. " First you say you wont, then you say you will.." hahahaha..
that's so me ! especially when i have choices... and some guys have seen me like that too...
especially for those who had tried on me but failed... i'm sure they had that sorts of feelings..
nevermind, coz i'm sure they have moved on and forgot about me since soooooo soooooo long time
ago. they wont even remember me. it's very strange.. when you're serious with someone you wouldnt
play too much games.. but if it's like... it's so playful at the begining, not sexual, but like...
only friendship... then... you can have all the fun you want if that person is just as funny..

i play alot... i could be very playful, especailly when i'm facing some strangers.. i could be like the
icing queen if i want. i could be as sexy as i want, and i dont mean them at all.. but i just do it..
it's like... just play play and play. it's the power of youth? i dont always do it... but... once awhile when
i feel like to.. hee.. just like... the time i was clubbing.. the guys and friends didnt know that i could
dance like that.. not as in any very dirty way... but just... they didnt know that i could get down like that
i could be funny. i think i can be a very funny person when you know me well enough.. and i'm sure
you would see that side of me.. i could be quite crazy. but... not much ppl have seen that side of me.
hummm the sexy side.... i dont know hee... maybe i'm okay or i'm not okay actually.. gotta ask Stephen.
i know i'm not so good at massage hahaha.. well i think i will go to classes for that. sexy sexy...
i could be, but.... it's like the natural thing.. cant act it... when i feel like sexy, i'm sexy. if i dont, then
guys can help me.

but with some guys... when the friendship changes, then... it's kindda hard to handel it..
and for me... when i find things changed... and if i dont want it.... i usually step back very quick..
and... it makes me think of the guys in highschool. and then i think of this song as well..
i saw Sameul that day.. he was actually on the same table.. everytime when my girl friends asked me..
then i said i wasnt the one who got so many guys around, then they would confronted me abt Sameul..
like... what about him? wasnt that true he was after you? then i would say... i dont know.. but what
he did was always freaking me out. then i would think of Hong, and Tung, then So Ying Ki, and... yea...
i dont know what type of girl i look like in their eyes.. but i'm sure i'm quite different from highschool?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


anyway... talking about attractive with Shan on the other day.. then... tonight one of my friends on line
chatting with me.. we were talking about the annimal year.. the Chiense stuffs.. then... he told me he
had read a book.. he said i'm a tiger girl, and he asked me if i 'm a real Tiger girl.. if i am really bossy..
haha.. i could be.. really.. i could be bitchy like hell, and i could be bossy, only for work stuff though..
ask the guys in highschool.. then ... i guess the ppl who had worked with me then they would know..
i was always a leader in whatever situation. i'm not the unreasonable bossy type.. i was a good
leader.. and if my groupmate or teamate didnt do the job well, i did boss them around. and so... in the
old age... my buddies always push me to be the leader whenever chances come.. and that's why...
i kindda step back when i went to college.. i didnt like to be any leader in group project or any organizer
for some party or stuffs like that. i just wanna be a team player or just enjoy the party. it's like...
i'm kindda hiding my leadership skills. coz.. i'm kind of tired of it.. i think everyone could play the leader,
and it just happens like... if i have to be, i would be.. otherwise... i just dont want that much responsiblity.

i dont know if the guys like bossy girls or submissive girls.. for me... i have both.. and i admit that
sometimes i'm a very happy person, like... i laugh a lot and... i'm just happy like the sun shine girl..
i could be crazy and super playful as well.. i could be pretty dominant.. i have been kindda hiding
them up.. coz... it's like a long story...
i was popular at school as in... my image was like that kind of girl, ppl would love me, they think i'm
super postive on everything.. all about me is good.. everyone like me except those who are jealous.
but then... it's actually very weird for me.. i feel not so comfortable with that actually...
there were times that... when i walked around in school with my friends... some younger schoolmates
pop up and asking if i am Lau Mei Kwan or at that time they all called my nick name... anyway.. they
came asking if i am this person and when i said yes, and they were so happy to meet me. i was like..
haha okay nice to meet you too.. and sometimes it's like.. there were some good news on the notice
board, and ppl read that faster than me, then they came tell me i got this and that.. then i would be like..
oh really? but i dont even know about it.. and sometimes its like... ppl would talk about me behind me.
some would even come talk to me to challenge me. it's not so easy and not so happy to be so pop,
and especially after the HKCEE. i failed, then the ppl start showing me how dissappointed they were.
or.. how happy they were.

and so i kind of hide them up.. being strong was what i did at highschool. but when i held on to those
outstanding performance, i felt so much stress and... so much responsiblities.. and i do believe that...
coz of that.. i did scare lots of guys in a way that telling them that being with me is actually a very
stressful thing. when i focus so much in school stuffs, and my parents really didnt want me to start
dating... i really got no chances to start dating. and very sadly... i dont even know why i failed my HKCEE.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


ppl usually think... psychology student can read ppl mind. it's BULL SHIT. no. i dont and i cant.
it's like.. when ppl knew that my major is psychology... they would be like... oh so you can read my
mind, or they said like.. oh so i gotta becareful of you. something like that.. or some ppl would even
say it like... i'm a witch... asking me how i can see through what ppl think and even aks me question
to test me wether i can do it or not. i was like WHAT??? hahahahahah! and then... they do expect alot
from the psycholoy ppl as well.. like... when i said i'm unhappy i'm sad.. then ppl asked me what
happened right? then i told them i dont understand why ppl do this or that.. then they would say..
why wouldnt you understand? you study in psychology. i was like... but i dont read ppl mind.

the more i study in psychology,... the more i understand myself actually.. it's the self awareness..
and.. the more i see different ppl... with the knowledge i have... the more observing i am.. more
accepting and more understanding i become... but it doesnt give me access to everyone's mind..
somehow... when i was studying in the counselling class... i was trained as in... how to help ppl
to speak out their feelings or share whatever inside.. coz the thing is... talking is the most theropeutic
way to let a person healing himself.. there re lots of theories behind.. anyway.. yea... i'm okay
at that.. but it doesnt mean i can read ppl' mind.. if oneself doesnt talk, it's just too hard to understand
what he's thinking through only observation.. verbal communication is just too important.
i think ppl shouldnt worry about talking with me.. coz the thing is... if i do talk with you, coz i care about
you.. and i dont have any bad intention.. and i wont harm you.. like.. why would i? haaha...

i talk alot about the past.. coz... Shan and i were catching up alot.. and also that night... the dinner..
we all catch up alot.. life is like that.. ups and down.

talking about attractive with Shan...
i dont know if i am really that attractive.. coz when i'm back to HK... i dont see myself so attractive
anymore. sigh...... why why and why.. ? well.. i dont wanna think too much though..
i just wanna be myself.. coz.. the real side of me is just the sexiest and so attractive. i like myself. i do.
i'm a strange person am i ? but i like it... =) so.... yea.. so whatever.

Jenny- The Click Five




i miss the days in Vancouver.. i really miss there..
i miss the ppl there.. i really really do. i love HK and my life here.. but... i wonder... if i should stay in
Vancouver instead. coz... i like the culture there more.. i love the life style there more..
what should i do? hummmm..

i'm going to bed now.

>>July 6, 2008 at 6:30:11 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 5 日 星期六 【晴】

i'm home ard an hour ago... very very tired...

i work today... hummmmmm...
then after work.. Ella, me and Sha went to Sha Tin had Thai food, then we had coffee at
Pacific Coffee Company. then we came back Tai Po and went home..

my first day return to work.. hummmm...... it wasnt too busy.. i was okay..
this morning.. i woke up then had breakfast.. i was leaving home.. i forgot my watch.. i was down stair,
then i came back to pick it up.. then i left again i was walkign to the bus stop, but then i started raining,
and i forgot to bring my umbrella.. so i ran back to take my umbrella.. and i was luck that could catch
up the same bus =) but then i was so hot. hahaha.. then i just rushed back to the office on time.
then.... lunch time.. i just left late then... i got some sorts of hot dog and the soya milk and some rice
cracker.. it was okay... i had soya milk for breakfast too.. then... yea... work... it wasnt too tough..
and the thing is.......... even though i wasnt there for 1 month.... i knew exactly what's been going on
in the office, and i wasnt suprised for anything.. then.. lots of students and parents asked about me..
like where i went, how was my vacation.. then... i didnt feel anything big.. coz the thing is... yea...
like.... yea many things happened in that 1 month something in my life, but here at the office... the
world didnt stop for me for any one second.. everything was still going on... so it's like i was
experiening so much on my own in Van, but other things happening here Hong Kong.. and i kindda
got connection with my best friend here Hong Kong, so.... yea... i'm okay.. when i'm back... nothing
freaks me out. i am pretty okay. sometimes i got bored, but.. i'm kindda used to it.. and i had been
reading news on line. i'm changed.. when i'm bored or lonely, i still feel bad sometimes... but...
i am okay.. i was reading news and... working... then i thought of Lisa... especially when i read some
political news and some other stuffs.. i thought of the discussions we had before. ha.. interesting.

yea... i saw Bee and Chow Zhi today.
Oh My God. now they know i am working here.. oh my... yesterday i met them again at the anniversary
dinner.. i used to be nervous when they're around me in the highschool.. coz... i used to be those
model students... and they're the type of .... "bad students" who are so good looking and flirtatous..
and i kindda avoided them when i was in highschool.. just dont wanna be in troubles with other girls,
dont wanna be in troubles with my duty.. i was the prefect and some sorts of famous/ popular
students... as in like.... doing lots of services and... was really good at academic performance... so...
just for the God sake.. i ususally just tried to avoid the conflicts in case i might need to be against them
when i do my duty as a prefect... but then last night... i saw them again.. i was like... hummmm okay..
they recognized me.. and i didnt talk with them.. but... somehow coz we were just the next table..
so there were time we connected. it was okay actually. and earlier i was at the reception welcoming
and helping registration... so... i talked to everyone basically.. then today at the office... they walked
by.. and he saw me. and he said.. it's fate that i just saw you last night and i meet you again today..
so now i know where you work at. and he walked back and stared at me. i was just smiling..
i couldnt do anything actually.. i told Shan tonight and she laughed.

actually last night was quite nice, coz i got to talk with some teachers who have taught me before..
and i'm so happy that they didnt forget me.. and then... they actually missed me, as in.. they told me..
sometimes they still did talk about me when they were catching up with other teachers privately.
they wondered how i'm doing after highschool grad. well.. i guess i could understand why...
and yea... i always remember what they have taught me.. not only in the textbook but the life lesson..
and then i always appreciate the endless chances they have given me to explore and experience
more, especially those are the very rare and special oppotunities. so yea... and then... i am actually
planing to do my research, and take sampling in highschools.. like... my topic is among the highschool
teens or the primary school kids. i wanna do developmental psychology if i do take master degree
programe. so yea.... some of my old teachers have became principles already.. so... yea..
and actually, i'm going back to my highschool, LSC, on Mon to visit my class teacher.. Wesley Tse..
i will go with Shan on her lunch break. humm yea..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


hummmm at work.... it's like... many things are the same... but then... i dont know.. i forgot certain things.
at first... i forgot how to get on line.. coz the office is using Vista.. then.. i gotta think before i opened
the cashbox.. coz.. i was thinking... what's the code? the yea... when i was closing, i forgot one of
the light.. then yea... so funny.. coz when i go out for lunch, i should put a stand on my table to say
like i'm away, i will be back soon, that kind of things.. but i forgot.. and then... yea.. it's funny.
then almost everyone came asking me... and talking with me... it's funny.. and i kept thinking about
the cultural things.. and... yea.. there're just many many differences between Hong Kong and Van..

and the thing is.. when i just came back i couldnt stand the rudeness of Chinese.. but... you know..
slowly i found that actually it's not about being rude or not. it's actually more about the cultural
differences. just like... talking loudly on street is not being rude but as a need as in everyone is kind
of noisy and if you dont talk loud, probably it means you're too shy or you are not in good mood..
there are so many small detials on the daily basic that we are quite rude or being like "Hongers"
in the western culture perspective.... but if it's like here Hong Kong... it's nothing at all.. coz it's just
part of our practice. and then... like me.. if i dont do the same, and true that i'm not really that typical
Hong Kong girl like, then very easily the typical Hong Kong ppl can tell i'm just not the same and they
would guess i'm from overseas or just some international student.. so.. yea... i understand more
about how the cultural differences work amond ppl.. and i do believe that the stereotypes do exist,
and so does racist. i used ot say i dont understand why ppl keep asking me wether i'm mix or if i am
some ABC or CBC, or... i'm just from overseas.. now i think i understand why.. not only about the
way i dress up is kind of differenent with the typical HK girls, but then the way i act, i speak, the
attitude, everything together that actually present the total image of myself, and that represents me
among all. so... actually i do believe that ppl judge on the first impression on your outfit and the
charaters you show. especailly when i do believe that what i think and belive are reflected by and
connected with my behavior, just like slectivly choosing my personal perfrence and they are shown
obviously every mins.

ppl keep saying that we shouldnt do that, but look at the fact that...
what personality means, it means whatever that comes from you, any describtion about you is actually
telling your personality directly and indirectly. in different circumstances, with different ppl, how you
do things, how you present yourself, everything is just counted as the part of you. and that "you" is
just your personality. and how could that NOT be shown in your outfit or your characters?
and you know what... i really wanna do my research with the topic that testing wether the ppl with
the high self-monitor would have the higher self-awareness, specially in the teenage, different stages.
early teenage and the late teenage from 13- 19. it could be a very huge project.. i wanna do something
about that.. and... i think it would be very challenging and i couldnt finish it by myself in 4 months.
it should take at least longer than a year. and probably it could be some Master degree level..
so....... hummm i think before i making up my mind, i definitely better talk with Dr. Chan and other ppl..
and yea.. personality and developmental psych.. it's really challenging and interesting..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



so yea... we had Thai food tonight... Ella's treat... it was good and relaxing... we ate and talked..
just a lady night.... only the three of us.. then... we talked alot about the funny stories at the office..
and Ella asked about me and Stephen... and i aslo told her about last night my friends asked alot..
like how i reacted and stuffs.. it was okay..

then.. we went to Pacific Coffee Company... coz.. Ella wants some sweet.. then Shan had coffee..
i ordered some hot chocolate.. i do miss the dark chocolate from Blenz... i really miss that...
i used to have it like.... once a week... i ordered the.. hot chocolate paradise.. which is really really
rich in chocolate.. it tastes similar with the dark chocolate from Blenz.. and it actually tastes less
sweet but more sticky. so... hummm it's okay.. and after that, i felt much better. it does help mu mood.
after that, i felt lighter.. hummm the last time i had hot dark chocolate was the day on the June 22,
Van time.. when i was crying like crap in Louisa's car.. she bought me hot chocolate.. thanks..
i miss Cyn and all my friends there. i really do.. and... i talked with Cyn sometimes.. not much but
sometimes... i cant get into contact with her as much as i was in Van. coz we couldnt meet up right?
i'm not there, and she's not here.. then.. yea.. we are still close friends.. she's still one of my best..
just that we couldnt meet up, and so.... no hanging out with her... i do miss the good time we have
since 2005. hahaha.. yea... and then... i miss seeing her.... having fun with her.... i miss my friends,
Kiana, Ade, Alesja.. Louisa, some other friends.. Lisa, Joy, Denis, Phil, Todd.. they are awesome..
so.. yea... and i miss Stephen for sure.. Ella asked me if i love Stephen.. i said... it's really tough...
i love him... but sometimes he did some hurtful things, and i dont wanna blame him coz.. it's more like
the situation matters.. but then... i think i should be fair to myself that... i should ask myself the same
question like... what if i'm being in the same situation, would i have done the same... i cant say 100%
but pretty much i would try my best to minimize the harm to the relationship and at the same time...
do some more constructive things for the both ppl... woman is just different... i'm not saying guys are
so bad at these.. coz.... it's just like we are good at different things, and we're bad at different things.
and actually... i do appreciat the stuff that the ppl have done to me, as long as it's with the good intention.

if you are not gonna give in to yourself, like... you're being lazy or whatever not working hard for your
own future like study or career, then you couldnt expect a sucessful future, right? it's not about being
selfish or too ambitious, well maybe i am very ambitious, i just think that i shouldnt let myself stop,
coz i wanna live my life fully and i wanna do more and more, better and better, and maybe i should
do something more that can help others too, not only about myself.. so.. yea... it's important.
however, same thing that... if you're not giving in to your beloved one, what are you expecting from
that person then? i'm not saying like worshiping each others.. no.... but.... think about this...
you nuture yourself, coz you love yourself.. not being self-centered yet... still you would do lots of
things for yourself, just like you do appreciate yourself, you know who you are, and you're proud
of it no matter what.. you like yourself, you like your life and so somehow you live well. what about..
being in a relationship? do you also put in time and your attention? do you care and... are you willing
to give in? it's all important.. and how you are willing to do these? it's not just talk... it's how you do it..
lmitation is just everywhere and anytime in our life... not saying like the dramatic lines in the novels,
but... it's very realistic and down to earth that no matter under whatever types of circumstances,
choices are just in the hands isnt it... but somehow i found that ppl would tend to blame on the others
or blame on the situation when they couldnt face the reality of himself or herself.

i think i've said too much and i probably shouldnt say too much...
i'm actually really really sleepy.. it's 3 06 am now..

tomorrow.. aunt Priscilla would come to Tai Po to meet me... hummmmmm....
i know she needs someone to talk with. she has been tring and tring to meet me.. i was always...
so bad that running away.. coz... it's very complicated to listen to her coz i couldnt trust her completely.

anyway.. i'm going to bed..
and i wish myself good sleep.. and... i hope him well.. i dont wanna put pressure on him...
i do hope him well and hope he would take his time to take care of what he has to deal with now..
it's just really tough here with me sometimes.. not coz that i couldnt have my own life or i couldnt
move on without him. it's just the matter that i do care about him alot. i am doing fine, but i still do care
about him alot. and i actually do appreciate his time. i'm okay even though i'm bored or lonely
sometimes, i am doing fine. i have lots of problems waiting for me, but i'm okay so far. =) thanks..

3: 34 am..

>>July 5, 2008 at 7:34:22 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 4 日 星期五 【晴】

i just came back ard an hour ago..
now it's... almost 1 am..

it's Fri night tonight... if i was in Van... usually it's like... sleeping late... doing more stuffs...
had fun.. meeting up friends.. but in HK... Fri night is nothing.. coz Sat still needs to work...
and then.. i dont know.. just different culture... i like Van.

the dinner end very late..
hummm.. it was quite good.. got to see so many old schoolmates, some old friends, some old teachers..
it was a very happy dinner. we took pics as well... since we grad, we hardly got time to get together..
and.. yea... today we just catch up alot.. hummm there were more than 23 ppl from 5D came...
Tung didnt came.. he need to work.. then some friends didnt come as well like Queenie...
anyway, got seeing many old friends.. i sit with them... then... they also asked a lot..

some of them are on my Facebook.. then they have seen my pics and they knew i was in Van..
then they asked about honey.. like... oh is the one on the pic your boyfriend? how's he ?
is he coming to HK soon? so how's your trip? did you guys have good time? you must be very happy...
how long have you been together? blah blah....
after that... it just makes me missing him more. another day... i asked him... if he has wore the stuffs
i gave him... coz i d never seen him wearing them.. then i was happy to hear him saying he does..
anyway... yea..

i saw i made a mistake this afternoon... i said sun dried potato.. it's wrong.. i meant sun dried tomato!
haha.. so silly..

tomorrow i need to work, coz Shan needs a day off.. so yea... i will start working tomorrow.
then Ella invites me for dinner after work.. so yea..

i am going back to Van again in late Aug.. i would stay for ard 10 days i guess...
hummmm i would really hope and try to make time meeting up friends like... Cyn, Kiana, Lisa and Joy..
and of course... him.. i really miss him and the good time we had.

okay.. i gotta sleep now actually..
i wish myself good sleep.. and... i wish everything would be fine soon..
i wish him well.

>>July 4, 2008 at 5:47:07 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 3 日 星期四 【晴】

i just woke up.. not feeling well today.. i guess i slept for 10 hrs last night.
i got nightmare... so bad.. sigh... i dreamt of myself missing the plane and the airline called me...
then i was still home packing... i tried using my phone but it didnt work well.. then i eventually called
him.. but i got some weird voice mail from some strange woman's voice. then i kept trying... and..
it was raining outside... and i was running outside.. weird. and usually when i got weird nightmare,
i would have a bad day or days. i really dislike this kind of dreams.

when i woke up... my stormach is aching.. now it still does... then.......... yea...
i came on line then i walked away... my stormach really hurts...

the day before...
i woke up early... it was Miki's graduaction dinner.. i helped her on the make up.... then... yea...
went out with mom.. we picked up Leggy.. then had late lunce... and back home resting.

yesterday...
i woke up early... then.... watched movie... and got ready to leave home.. i went home with my family..
we had late lunch at TST.. then... i met Karen.... walked around... then had coffee at Starbucks...
then.... Shan called me... then we met up... at TST as well... then i went to her class... but then.. we
left... and we walked around.. and we stayed at the harbour.. it was a cooling night there.

i saw honey on line these two days.. we chatted.. yea.. i miss him.

i want to make pasta.. Baccon, tomato paste, sun dried potato, mushroom, garlic, basil, oregano,
grounded black pepper, maybe some italian sussage, some chilli... and with vege... maybe boccroli with
pinenut. hummm i didnt make it yesterday.. but.. i hope soon. i wanna have pasta.
i told Shan i wanna make pasta.. if i make it then i will make her some. she was happy. hahah..

this coming Sat, i might need to go back to the office... hummm...
tonight would be the 10th anniveray dinner.. then yea... i will go earlier tonight.. i will be at the reception
for welcoming guests.. hummmmm yea... Sat after work.. Ella would have dinner with me.


you know what....
i'm very sick..

>>July 4, 2008 at 5:00:29 AM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 1 日 星期二 【晴】

hello.

yesterday was the HKSAR Day.. hummmm.... for me... it's just another public holiday..
i'm not so excited about returning to China.. well, i'm proud of my nationaity but.... somehow there're
something i am not happy about China.. and..... after returning to China.. HK has been experiencing
lots of unnessary changes, which didnt really help the ppl in HK but more for the mainland Chinese..
hummmmm... yea... i didnt really care about politics or history before, i disliked them.. haha..
but after staying with Lisa and Denis... after the endless discussions.... after my US Government
class and the Canadian History 101, i slowly accept more and i like it. anyway.. it's fine.

then... in the afternoon, mom and i went to Ma On Shan to visit grandpa and aunts... hummm.... we had
dim sum then... we shopped at the market for dinner.. then.. i was resting and chatting with aunts..
then we made dinner... then after dinner, we had fruits.. it was okay, not too bad..
aunts asked about my trip. i just toldd them it was good. some of them asked about the ring on my hand.
hummm auntie Yi asked about the engagement. i guess Sheila told auntie Kitty or auntie Ching...
anyway.. they kindda knew the story of my ring except mom. then mom asked me if my ring really the
engagement ring. i told her no. i didnt look at her eyes. coz the thing is.... i'm not so sure. well... at least
i didnt see Stephen 's wearing my necklace, and we are not getting married that soon. he doesnt
introduce me to others as his finance.. so... i'm not sure.

i've been back for a week already... i kind of changed my sleeping habbit.. i slept ard 12 or 1, then i
wake ard 8 or 9... except the days i was really tired. hummmmm... many friends asked me how i felt..
i'm feeling okay... Ella asked me many questions.. she even said.. oh you must be missing Stephen
so much blah blah blah... humm the thing is... yea.. i miss my days there, i miss him and other friends..
but suprisingly.... i dont have the terrible feelings. haha.. i'm quite surprised but yea... true that....
i'm doing fine. i miss the days there, i miss the ppl and my life there alot alot... but i'm fine.

sigh.. Ella didnt let me get back to work.. she told me.. she and Richard both think that it would be the
best for me to rest for awhile longer before back to the office. before that, i have told Shan and let her
knew that i am coming baack to work tomorrow.. and she told me that.. so.. i guess she didnt really
want me back yet. Shan told me that Ella spoke to her as well.. Ella told her that i was suppose to be
back to HK next week anyway, so yea i could just take time to rest. but for me it's like.... of course
i love holidays.. but i need to work so that i can get my min paycheque. it's actually not about the
longer rest would be better for me... coz it's like... okay, what if i really come back HK next week?
then i would be still missing them damn much, then is she gonna give me another week to adjust my life?
i dont think so. so what's the point?

anyway.. yea.. i've been back for a week already. and i didnt cry cry cry. maybe it didnt hit me yet.
haha.. it's kindda complicated... it's like the little girl would expect her period coming pretty soon yet not
here... so... still kind of counting which day it would come. hahahahaha... no... so far i'm okay...
i'm enjoying my day here... i dont know what it would be like when i get back to work or start my
school again... well... life could be pretty lonely and very black and white... it's really painful...
but i'm a stronger person now i guess.. i'm not a strong person... but somehow.... strongger than the
yesterday. i was reading Facebook yesterday... the "More about me" funtion.. i saw a que...
it asked "are you attractive?" haha.. then i think of Lisa. then... i think of the whole bunch of ppl there..
when i was down, they ensure me that i'm a wonderful person, with the great personalty, i'm definitely
attractive. i am a young and intelligent girl. i got the look, i'm very attractive. i didnt expect that.
i didnt know what i have? i think i knew what i have... but i just didnt know how to appreciate them
and i didnt know how to protect them. it's very true... if i dont respect myself, dont love myself,...
then i couldnt expect ppl would love me. coz whenever ppl is doing something good or destructive
to me, i wouldnt realize. and so i wont truely appreciate the good things in my life but always drawn
into the terrible moments. it's like the cycle that i always dont know how to express myself to others,
or i dont really speak up, or i only know how to give in to ppl without understanding wether i would be
truly happy or actually not at all... i'm just not happy. life is just like that, always lonely and painful, plus
a little sparks sometimes. those sparks, the little laughters didnt help me to be a happier person..
it's just the time to cheer up a bit but it didnt help much, untill i realize that i could be as happy as
always. it's... my Canada trip is... a really big life lesson in my life. many things happened.. and i'm glad,
i am very lucky... i think i would still experience more and more in my life. and yea... i dont know what's
gonna happen tomorrow, so... just live it... live my life once and make it nice for myself besides others.

okay now it's 9 35 am... i woke ard 7 50... i think i need some breakfast now..

>>July 2, 2008 at 1:49:42 AM GMT+8

2008 年 6 月 29 日 星期日 【晴】

hi.

yesterday was the family day...
we went to Ocean Park in the afternoon... we watched the show there, we visited the pandas,
and jelly fishes.. we didnt stay for long coz it was raining so hard.. it was really bad..
the wind was too strong.. i was very wet even though i got the umbrella.. then... we had hot pot
at Tsim Sha Tsui. it was a good day... auntie Ching was with us.. we took some pics.. it wasnt too bad.
it was very funny in the cable car... Leggy was terrified. hahahaha... then... we took a short video..
hummm if it wasnt a rainny day, then we would have more fun. at least we would spend more time there.

we were home late last night. i slept very late.. coz i was waiting for my hair to dry... then this morning
i woke at 9am... then went out with Miki and her classmates.. they were shopping for some make up
stuffs.. then Miki and i wentto the Festival Walk to meet Leggy.. we ice skated there.. it wasnt very
good. i was very tired.. then it was a bit boring. most of the time i was alone.. Miki was not skating
with me. so... yea... then we left and walked ard.. i had coffee and fries... hummmmm...
back home resting now.

last night when i came on line i saw honey on line... maybe he's away.. i dont know...
hope to talk to him soon. i miss him. he asked me not to worry before.. okay...
sometimes i would wonder if i wanna be there for him or wanna be there with him for myself..
i want both. but sometimes.... no.... it could be only for him... and sometimes i want more...

i still think of Canada alot everyday. it's not like missing it too badly would make me crying and crying..
no, i dont cry. i miss the days, as in.... i do appreciate the good days and the ppl there for me.
when i think of that, i would be so thankful and so graceful. i would like to be back to Van more often.
i would like to stay there longer, maybe studying or working... i would be happy about that too.
i have my life here Hong Kong.. but i will survive in Van too, if i do have a job or got admitted in some
master degree programe. it could be tough but it would be fine for me. so... i'm thinking... after grad,
maybe i would really apply for the master degree programe there.

then yea..... i think i need some more exercise.. coz since i'm back home, i ve been getting fat.
i dont like it. i really really wanna lose weight. i dont wanna look like a ball. hahaha... i think i look much
better when i'm slimmer.

Shan mesged me this morning.. hummmmmm.... office problems... omg.... sometimes i really cant
understand what Ella's thinking about.. and.......... i just have no ideas.
Christopher CANT be back to Elchards, he CANT. even though he wants to, we just CANT let him come
back so easily. he was very very irresponsible and the parents compliant to me about him sometimes..
he didnt know how to teach, the students learn almost nothing in 3 months. he was either too earlier
or too late to work. he gave 1 month notice, but in the end he left much earlier than we all expected,
and it was like 3 days in advance only. he called me a few times for his paycheque... Ella didnt wanna
calculate for him coz we and He both didnt have the record. we still owe him money. i stayed out from
it, i dont wanna get involved. and now... i just dont wanna follow with him... sigh... if we cant find the
sub teacher, we should just cancel the lessons, or miss Ella should just take the lessons. Carole got
emergency, so she went back to Canada for 2 weeks.. sigh.. i think Ella should just take the lessons
in stead of calling Chris to come back. and the thing is.... i'm still on vacation. if Shan seeks me for help,
it would be like 85% i would say yes. but it's Ella.. it's like... hummmmm... if it's a personal favour, then
i might.. i might come back to the office to help doing interview for a few hrs. but it's just like... asking
me to come back interviewing ppl as the working hr, a job... then no thanks....

so many things happened in the office actually... Ella is sick.. Shan got personal problems, Carole got
emergency in Canada... and... i dont know why Ella still hasnt got any new teachers.. 2 main reasons
i guess. our location and the pay.... i think location is not the main reason but the pay. and i'm kindda
pissed off about that.. coz ... it's like.... of course the teacher wont come all the way to here if they
live far away... coz.... we dont offer what they deserve. and the thing is... many places are hiring
teachers as well. and the ones who said yes to us coz they were kindda desperate to look for a job
as well. and they're usually lack of experience or just not as good. and slowly we are losing students
mostly coz of the teachers, not you or me or Shan. i'm a bit frustrated sometimes.. i worked so hard
to maintian the good service and try hard to make everything perfect to attract new students..
i need to do alot of work when you dont even know. i seem very slow, but you dont really know what
i do with the parents and the teachers. i am not a business person, but i do use my heart to work,
to try balance out the quality and our money. and that's why the parents like me and trust me.
i do care about them alot and they know it. i'm not just another administrative that only wanna raise the
monthly profit, but i am honest, sincere, and put the studnet's best interest before the company.
the best interest of the students is usually my first piority. Ella might not like it if she knew.. but... i think...
it's not just some business only. so.... somehow it's kindda difficult to be so honest to everyone..
Ella would just focus on the money more than the students, if she has to make the choice.
so... for me it's like..... i wont blame her... but its not what i like and it's more like i'm just doing my job,
and i dont wanna always do something that's against my own will. that's the conflict.. i know it's quite
common... not only me would find this. so.... yea... life is like that... when you wanna be nice to ppl,
usually there're other reasons pulling you back. so.... yea.... i dont know... i gave my personal advice
to Shan, then i let her doing her job. i dont really care what she and Ella do actually, coz it's not my
responsiblity till the day i officially return to the office. all i would need to know is what's their dicision,
and what have been happening in the office, and what i would need to follow up when i'm back.

>>June 30, 2008 at 12:36:49 PM GMT+8