2008 年 10 月 21 日 星期二 【晴】

hi...

i went to bed ard... 1 sth am... it's ok.. i had 8 hrs sleep.
then.. i woke up.. had breakfast with my dad.. then i went to work.
it was okay. i wore my new tank today. i like it.

back to work... i fixed something in the store room and my decoration. Shan came.. we discussed on
work... then we worked together. i was away the dest.. lots of work to do actually. Shan has been
helping me much. thanks her alot. we talked alot about the teachers.. and trying to fix some schedule
problem. i'm very stressed coz the problems are about this coming Sat. have been trying to figure out
what we can do... and i have tried many different ways already... sigh. same... the thing is.... Ella
doesnt really... understand. whatever. i'm so tired of repeating myself. Carole saw me very stressed..
she has been checking on me once awhile. she's very nice. Carole wondered what happened. i kindda
explaint to her about the situation on Sat. she gave me some advice. well.. i know what she means
but it's not up to me. i'm on her side the same side. thanks her anyway.

i had lunch with Shan this afternoon. it's nice. then back to the office... working.. stressed..
talked with honey for a really short while. honey said nothing to worry about. then... yea... maybe..
i guess i just shouldnt take the responsiblity at work too personal on my own. coz... i have been trying
my best on everything. i'm so tired. and i m just always cleaning the mess for others.. so... it's others'
problem, right? but when i think about... it's my job here... then i just feel bad for myself.. sometimes
it's like... Ella isnt that stressed but me. i wonder why. is that coz i am the one who deal with the
parents, students, and working on all the proceedure all the time? and Ella might be just treat them as
the business? i dont know.. but.. mom used to tell me.. like whenever i worry too much for the others,
then mom would say... "hey you dont have to think too much, dont have to worry so much.. coz...
the one who is supposed to be worried doesnt worry at all. if that person isnt worried, why you.."
well.. i guess mom is right.. and.. even though i would feel bad for the parents and students... it's not
my decision making.. i'm responsible only coz i'm the staff.. so.. i guess i shouldnt take that too personal?

i dont know. Ella was back with the baby in the evening. we talked for long on the schedule.. tried
different thing.. and finally she decided to cancel 1 one on one class to save the other 18 students.
omg. she should have made that decision for long. how could she take that risk to change those 18
students? she should never take that one on one class then. it's just....... a BIG WASTE of time to
panic about this and that. if she was willing to not to have that one on one kid or change him to another
time then everything should have been fine for weeks without any big changes... omg...

and actually.. who made these all happened, including we had to change teachers for the classes?
coz of Ms. Karen. i guess not coz she's Chinese. Sophia is chinese too, and she has zero complains.
she is well experienced, she is so popular here. Ella keeps say they are both Chinese, so... maybe
depends on the parents only. well of course it depends on the parents. if you know your customers
well and you dont try to fit into their demand, how are you gonna provide excellent service? you think
this is unfair to Karen? more unfair things happening in this world, look at me. my salary. is it fair too?
i wish i could just tell her like this. dont talk about being racist or not. simply look at her teaching skills,
she has... ard 10 lessons each week... every class got some problems, no one is perfect. why's that?
then how can you compare her with Sophia? yea, they're both Chinese, beside that, nothing similar.
stop using her as the comparison plz. i dont wanna be mean or harsh but that's the fact. admit that.

i keep telling myself that dont blame Karen coz she's just fresh and new. but when
i think about how improfessional she is to my student, then... my mind is just changing. i dont know.
i'm quite angry when she told me she has to change Gigi's class. it's so improfessional of her.
ok. she's young and inexperienced. so?

i think... if she is being less proud in front of Shan and the students then i think i would be more okay
to present her to the parents. i just dont get it... why Ella would hire her? i would rather use Jacob
or Andrew. i dont care if Karen has the TESL qualification. her skill sucks. i shouldnt blame Karen..
coz she's new and inexperienced. and... is that coz of the friendship between her and Ella, so that
Ella is willing to take this big risk to give her so many lessons no matter what the others say?
not only me reminded her that, Carole, Sophia did too. what can i say? i hate it so much.. coz... i will
be the one who is gonna fix the problems in the end, panicing about how to explain to the parents,
making those arrangements. why we have to do this anyway? isnt it just stupid..
and i know that Ella will not get it anyway.. if i dont work hard enough, then she might need to do all
the stuffs by herself, then maybe she will learn the lesson on her own. she would be the one in
headache, not me then.

i know no matter what i say that wouldnt have much influences... so... yea.. i guess i should just let it
be. if it's screwed.. it's not my fault anyway.

then.. yea.. i was happy to see the wedding pics on Facebook. ha.. so funny...
there were so many "crystal animals." then.. Mable took lots of pic with them.. i was searching the one
belonging to me. haha. and then i m happy that i didnt look too fat on those pics.

then in the evening... omg.. i got the mesg from Jocelyn... she told me Evie talked to her...
Evie found out Jocylyn knows me... well.. she's my cousins's cousin. that's how we met in Van.
we even live in the same house. we got a great time actually.. at first i was scared of her.. but later
i found that she's actually quite funny and friendly. so... we became friend. i dont know.. she told me
Evie mesged her on Msn asking her about me. i m just wondering... what she wants this time.. like..
is it only curious about me and Jocelyn or she's gonna gossip about me.. i dont know.. well..
she made up stories about me before.. hope there wouldnt be anymore surprises.

i wrote on my Msn that.. i guess i shouldnt take it so personal.. honey asked about that..
well.. i guess.. i'm actually taking everything too seriously.. that's why i'm always easily tired and
stressed. so.. i guess if i can be less responsible, i would be happier. but if i were, then probably i am
just being too frustrated hahaha.. yea.. even taking work stuff personal.. i think i must be the most
stupid staff then.

thanks honey.. i'm wondering if he likes french toast... i saw the cooking show tonight.. i wish i can
make that. i like it but it's too oily actually. too fatening too.

good night Cas. dont stress out. coz... you're a beautiful girl hahaha. you should be happy and delight.
=) wishing for a good sleep tonight. i think i will miss him in bed though. hee.

>>October 22, 2008 at 4:56:19 PM GMT+8

2008 年 10 月 20 日 星期一 【晴】

hi.

i'm at the office now.. hoping the 8 pm would come sooner.

some frined on Facebook shared the website with me, which could make fun for the photos.
here we go Cas.. this is your first try. hahaha.. nice.

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

2008 年 10 月 19 日 星期日 【晴】

Hi.

i'm very happy today.

firstly, last night i got a nice chatting time with honey. hee. i saw him.
then today i got 2 good news, and 2 new clothes! ;) and yesterday i got my dress exchanged to
another much nicer one. so... YAY =)

last night... i slep ard 5 am. quite crazy.. i was so tired but couldnt sleep. then i saw honey on line and
we chatted for awhile. i saw him. hee. it's been.... quite a while havent seen him yea? yes.

today i woke up ard 1 pm.. then i got a call from school =) heeee... i am selected to be the student
representative for the graduation this year ;) i'm so happy for that.. i dont know if there would be any
other students want that, but... the school informed me today that i'm invited to be the representative.
i hope i would be then =)

then i washed up and went to OIIE. i asked when i woul have my official transcript. then they said on
Wed. in the evening the school called me that the US campus have recieved my transcript already.
=) YAY~~~~~~ and then i just need to talk with the USU in the states requesting for my last transcript
then everything would be just fine =) and i hope everything would be fine soon.

after OIIE... i decided not to go back to the office, coz it was late and i would need to go to the office
tmr night anyway, dont wanna go there 6 days a week. so yea... i went to TST. hee.... i went to ROXY
but i didnt see anything i would need. i actually need a new hoodie and i have been looking for some
nice and warm one. now it's still very hot here, but it's for winter. then... Esprit also doesnt have the
one i want, Zara doesnt have it either.. then i went to the only Roots in HK. heeeee... i found one ;)
and of course it's without tax coz here is HK, and then it's HK dollars, and then there's 20% off.
what a good price. i'm so excited about that. and so i bought another tank as well. it's just perfect.
unfortunatly, shopping needs money, and i have just spent another HK $620 for that.

i just think that...
i shouldnt do any shopping within a month. hummm i'm thinking of my closet.. what i need for winter
this year? i still need..... hummm maybe just a pair of boots. i got the new one from Van, and suprisingly
this year, seems like some more similar fashion is going on HK here. coz i saw the exaclt same style,
the fuzzy boots in Marks & Spencer, and also Next. so... i dont know. it's good that i got them from Van.
coz here they dont have the colour i bought from Van. then yea i want one more pair of boots which
is not the cute cute style but... maybe sexy.. long boots. i dont know. see if i can afford another boots.
coz probably i would need to spend some money for the grad pics later. and also... for the christmas.
so i better save up some money first. and then i might need to plan for my next year budget.

then back to Tai Po... hummmm... walked home.. watched the cartoon movie.. the Japanese one..
so funny.. then just rest.

tomorrow i need to tidy up my place again, then in the evening i need to go to work.

i hope honey had a good time yesterday..
today.. i went to TST. i had coffee at Starbucks inside the LCX Harbor City.. i seat there watching the
sea.. it was so beautiful.. it just reminds me of Steveston, Granville Island, and also the English Bay...
sometimes i just hang out by myself. i like to walk alone sometimes. i would take time to take a walk,
have coffee or bubble tea by myself.. so that i can just enjoy my personal time with the enviornment
under the beautiful sunshine. and when i'm alone, my mind usually could be clear... easier to focus...
to figure something confusing.. so i like to be alone sometimes. and i would be happier after a walk.
so.. today it just reminds me the happy and peaceful time i had there. and i find how lucky i am.
as in... i really got a nice family... good chances.... and... i have so many great friends.. i have so many
good memorries... so many stories that i can tell my next generations in future.. how beautiful life i have
and i would have in future. how lucky i am... and... maybe how beautiful i am too. haha. so.. i think i gotta
thanks God. i gotta thanks the ppl around me... my honey, my family, and my friends of course.

and you know.. on the street... especailly in TST.. it's just soooo easily you can find someone pretty
or hot or stylish whatever ppl call it. and then i look at myself. i might not look as nice as them. but...
i would embrace myself. coz... i just know how special i am, and i'm so proud of myself.

i really miss my honey. last night i saw him. i just smiled. he didnt see me smile but i did smile haha..
he smiled... and he just made me smile. i miss him.

i miss Cyn and Louisa too.. i actually wanted to call them sometimes. but i wasnt able to.. so.. see if i
can just make a call to them this week. and then yea.. saw Carole's mesg on Facebook. she's sad and
sick. i hope she will get well soon. and i hope Ella would be lucky enough to find another nice new
shop in Ma On Shan. it was very stupid but i hope her would sucess this time.

wish me good luck on my final research.. i have talked with some old teachers.. hen they said they
would help me to talk with the school principle.. so.. if i am lucky enough, i should be permitted to
conduct data in my highschool, i would have a large sample. and if i have enough time, i can do one or
two more other highschools. so my data would be very robust, very strong. and then hopefully my
research would be some meaningful thing to Education as well. i'm still working on my proposal.. and
then hopefully would get it done before Nov. i'm gonna see Dr. Chan in Nov.

wish me good luck on my graduation as well. hee... i hope i would get my last transcript from USU
as well, and then i really would be the student representative on the graduation ceremony.

wish honey all the best too. i hope that he can have good sleep everynight. he would have good
nutrition as well =) i wish him healthy and happy. i wish my family and friend happy and healthy too.
these are the most important ppl in my life. i just wish them well and fine.

>>October 20, 2008 at 3:57:15 PM GMT+8

2008 年 10 月 18 日 星期六 【晴】

hi.

yesterday was kind of busy at the office. i didnt have enough sleep the night before. i was happy in
the morning, coz it was the wedding night of Maggie. but in the afternoon... no. i got some troubles at
work. some parent was just.... made me so sick. i was like... i have been very patient to her already..
she has been calling always, whenever she figured something new with her son. 10 mins talking
non stop on the phone, telling me whatever irrelevent, as in i dont even know what point she is trying
to make. she can just tell me one sentence that she wants to change to the certain time that's it.
reason is fine, whatever reason is fine. if i can change i would change anyway. why would she
needs to tell me so much so much so much and still cant make up her mind about when she will change
to? and it's lilke.... everytime when there's something new she would call like at least 3 times a week,
then at least 4 times a day and still wouldnt make any changes at all. beating the brush around and
without any conclusion. what the hell are you calling me for while i am so busy with others.
she is always asking something impossible. if she has thought before she asked, everything would
be much better. just doesnt make sense. and i am so sick of her accent and attitude. dont talk to me like
that, i have enough.

the telephone company called me a few tims a week.. she's rude and irretating. i was like.. does she
know she's talking with her client? she even tried to order me to do something with my company?!
what's she thinking? no ideas. she's just lazy. she should have faxed me the form to change my
comany account name but not asking me to change my company chop. where is her brain?
i asked her to send me the form instead. she told me it's not necessary yet, i could just use another
form and write somethign to proof that my company name is related to the company chop. i was like..
WHAT? she said if it doesnt work then i would need to change my comany chop or change the
company account name. i wanted to tell her it's not her business about my company chop design. i said
there's never any problems with any other companies about my business chop, not your comany
either. now you go fax me the form for changing account name instead, i dont wanna write whatever
to prove you my company chop is related to my company name. i dont wanna do it every year, you're
wasting my time. she said oh then you have to remember to send me back. i was like of course.
if she ever called again and being rude to me or irretating me, i would just ask her manager to speak
to me instead. she's so terrible. she was funny last time. i was in Van, she contacted Shan and bothered
her. then when i'm back, she called me and asked me where i went. i told her i was not in town.
then she was like balming me not being in HK. asking if there's anyone she could talk to. coz i was
always not in HK, like for months. i told her i have other staffs here working. then she said she needed
to speak with me about the contract. then i was like then why you asked? she asked me if i need any
idd calling package. i said maybe. she said oh i guess you must be calling ot China alot. i was like NO.
then she was silent. i said i never called to China. i was thinking oh yea i was not in HK then i must be
in China?? and i would call to China alot? do i sound like China lady? she asked me oh then where do
you call? i told her Canada and maybe Germany sometimes. she's so rude sometimes. its like.. i am not
those quiet HK office lady, dont try to fool me or give me attitude, i dont like it and i would ask you to
shut up and pass the phone to your boss. she's just so irretating.

i was worried for the new classes coz Ella has been using some teachers. oh yea.. they are qualified,
but inexperienced. and then it's so dangerous. coz.. there are many many new classes are with the
new teachers and they're chinese. some parents complain to me. i know the rules in HK but some
parents wont want the chiense teachers. and i'm in the middle. i dont understand why couldnt she just
pay a little bit more to hire some real and good teacher. if this business is just for money, then it is just
very sad. coz it's education... how can she use Karen? i cant even present her to the parents.
but Ella gives her so many lessons. i dont know.. i just really dont like it.

Ben is coming back to HK in Nov. he has been asking me if i can introduce him to work at our center.
i told Ella about him. Ella was not very interested in him. i felt bad.. coz.. firstly Ben isnt really my good
friend. but then Ella was being rasict to him. then i wondered why, since she's been hiring other
Chiense guys and girls as well, and even Ben might be better than Karen. is that coz Karen is her
friend, then she would take risks for her? i m like... screwed that whatever. i dont really care if Ben
would work here anyway. Ben asked me lots of questions and said he would e-mail me his resume.
never mind, i will pass it to Ella anyway. not my problems anymore since then.

i was quite stressed yesterday. then i was talking with honey. then i was a bit unhappy about what
he said. coz it makes things like no one understands my situation at all. i thought maybe he could
understand somehow, but... i dont know. i just cant quit right now. but i guess coz he cares about me
that's why he doesnt want me to work with Ella here. but sometimes things arent that simple and easy.
right now i just cant find another job better than this one before grad. and this is my loyalty to myself,
Ella, and the company as well. she's still on maternity leave, and i have promised her i would take care
of her company well when she's not around. i have strong responsiblity here in this company. maybe
it's coz of our friendship as well.. i dont know. i just know i would do my best, and keep my words.

i bought another dress and i wore that to the wedding. the other one i bought on Fri doesnt look good.
when i bought it, the sales girl didnt let me try it on. so... i gotta buy anotehr one during lunch time.
and the new one looks much better. it's purple.. and actually quite like my style.. a bit like the Canadian
style too. i like it.

the wedding was okay. i saw some old classmates and teachers. we had a nice gatehring time actually.
for me, it's more like a gathering than the wedding. haha. the bride is nice. Maggie was pretty.
then.. i dont know. we talked lots of jokes. especially the guys. Tung was so funny as well. we talked
a lot.

back home i'm sooooo tired but couldnt sleep.. i slept ard 4 maybe... woke up ard 1sth pm..

i e-mailed honey after calming down and i could eventually got off the phone with that parent.
i took care of some classes arrangement and calm down a bit.. then i e-mailed honey..
this afternoon... i chatted with him.. he told me he wasnt angry at me. i feel better now. thanks him for
the understanding.

>>October 19, 2008 at 1:10:16 PM GMT+8

2008 年 10 月 16 日 星期四 【晴】

hi..

tired... sleepy..
work...

i bought a dress this afternoon during lunch time. it was cheap.. it wasnt something i usually wear..
anyway.. something for tmr wedding dinner.. so i got it. and it's really cheap.

then.. at night after work.. i just met Shan for dinner and dessert =)
before that.. i chatted with honey.. hee.

i did some decoration today. nice. ppl like it. it was so funny.. the students and the parents were
dancing and playing in the patio. i went outside to watch them, i laugh a lot. they're so funny.
then i saw that guy again, the hair dresser.. and he smiled to me. i smiled and looked away. ha.

it was nice to chat with honey. i miss him.. heeeee.
hum...he told me something today.. i accepted. i used to feel so terrible. i dont find it nice of course,
but... i accepted. i think i've changed. coz... it's not like... i had to accept but i just accepted.
sometimes it's just weird. it is. cant explain it. but then would he do the same if it was me?
i dont know.

i created an account on yahoo personals. i just made it for fun. wanna see how many ppl might be
interested to know me. on my profile, i said i'm searching for sharing, experiencing, and networking.
i saw lots of guys profile there. some of them just made me laugh. some of them are pretty attractive.
there are just too many different kinds of guys. some are just... "sweet" that make you scared.
some are boring, some are nice and interesting. it's just interesting to know.

>>October 17, 2008 at 6:00:34 PM GMT+8

2008 年 10 月 15 日 星期三 【晴】

i'm at work right now..
hummmmmm this morning was kindda nice beside the sleepy part.
i had a good breakfast and a nice coffe to wake up myself =) and i can watch the debate peacefully.
nice. but i missed the first 30 mins.... humm..

McCain gave a harsh attack. i think... in 3 dabates, McCain did the best this time.. but come on... too bad.
it's too late, and i still believe in Obama would win. not only coz of the data... humm but i guess the data
does reflect who should be the next president. i think... McCain got the experience... but i would want
someone who is younger and more creative and at the same time... have the higher ablity to do critical
thinking. i heard what McCain said about his solutions.. i think they are great. but after listening to
Obama's... then... no... Obama's should would have my vote. and you know the thing is... i hate ppl
talking too much BS while they cant actually provide any solid evidence or data. or they just twist the
fact. McCain kept saying he's not another Bush. but i do feel like he's the Bush. he's just a good public
speaker.. he's very good at creating stuffs but his creativity isnt used well enough on problem solving.
he just say something but without telling how he's gonna make it. well he did say some ways to do
but nothing in details but only promise. who needs his promise? and he seems talking more than doing.
he said Palin is the role model of woman. WHAT?! i wouldnt wanna be her. never. he should watch
his word. i am sure she is a not bad politican that's why she became a senetor. but come on..
VP ? no no.. overall Obama's team is just more grounded, down to earth. they're more logical, less BS,
more creative.. they are younger maybe less experience.. but... i woyuld rather having someone young
and creative than someone experienced but BS too much, while actually the younger is much more intelligent.

anyway.. working.. then.. in the afternoon.. i didnt expect myself had to sit in the meeting.. Ella asked
me in, so.. yea.. i was in the meeting with the teachers. then after that, Ella discussed with me about
the office stuffs.. it's a long time.

too bad that i didnt have time to chat with honey at all. in the morning i wanna do some chatting..
i was a bit free, doing my own prep, taking care of my school stuffs.. and kindda chatting with Tee tee.
it's kindda weird chatting with Tee tee on Facebook. Cap doesnt cahtt much with me but Tee tee? haha.
then honey was watching the debate so.. yea... just let him watching in stead of nagging at him haha.
sometimes.. i do think i'm doing too much talking, so.. i dont know.. maybe i should stop for awhile.
well.. he's a guy. and i dont wanna be like one of those irritating people... and... i love him =) hee. that
explains all. haha.

anyway.. yea.. wanted to chat with him in the afternoon but too bad. i was in the meetings.

after that.. the Chiense parent talked with me again.. yea.. the same Mandarin parent. there were four
of them in the same class. this one gotta change the time. and she was so mad like want me to switch
everyone's calss for her. i rejfused to. even if i could i wouldnt. so now she changed her mind.. and
maybe without the other 3, no one talked with her in Mandarin, she started chatting with me.. telling me
many many things about her son and their life in HK. well.. i do listen. i like listening to ppl. she had a
good time with me today, not like last week she was dissappointed about not getting what she wanted.
she said my mandarin is quite good. thanks God. haha.. i 'm worried about my Mandarin sometimes.
i got less and less chances speaking Mandarin now. used to talk in class with Taiwanese friends or
talking with Kiana.. now.. no.. back to HK, back to Cantonese and English at work or school.

gotta do some writing for school actually.. wanan finish my proposal and prep for my paper.. then...
gotta start writing proposal to the school i'm gonna do my study with.. and then need to write a brief
script for.... runing to be a student representative. i dont wanna tell anyone about that.. only....
mom and Professor Casey know about that. i think i havent told Shan or honey yet. someone might
wanna be the student representative too.. i'm sure there are some ppl running for that. i dont know if
they would choose me in the end. just give a try. so.. there are many things on my mind now..
and the new office as well. see what i should do next. and my transcript as well. sigh.

i'm wondering how honey's doing... hummm..
he should be sleeping anyway. i think i just miss him.

today i had dim sum with my parents. they were talking.. then i heard them saying some place almost
exactly the same as the sound of a place in Richmond. i was like.. huh? no.. i heard it wrong. but it's
so familiar, and it's just feels warm. yea.. i wish i was there too..

i hope to leave the office in 15 mins.
i hope i have enough energy to exercise tonight. i wanna exercise more. but i'm just too tired...
i wish i could be in bed with him tonight =) that is gonna be a good sleep.

>>October 16, 2008 at 11:51:44 AM GMT+8

2008 年 10 月 14 日 星期二 【晴】

Hi.

wake up... tired......
coffee... sick.... worked.. today isnt too busy.

back home.. dad said he saw a graduation doll. i said haha no. i want flowers instead.
hummm maybe later... i would buy some invitation cards for some friends. ask them to come taking
pics with me. maybe not on the graduation day.. but another day, meeting at the park or somewhere.

i m not feeling very well. maybe falling sick soon. my throat .....
tomorrow got the US president debate again.. ha.. i wanna watch it.. some ppl say maybe McCain
would win. i think Obama is better. i dont know. we will see. i would try to wake up earlier for that.
maybe it's gonna be exciting. coz it's McCain's last chance. haha.

then this Fri night.. i was planing to go out with Shan... just for dinner. then on Sat night.. i am going
to Maggie's wedding. Tung called me tonight again. he wants me to go to the wedding. i told him i might
not be able to make it, coz i need to work.. he wants me to make sure i would go. everyone would
try to make it, coz she's a friend of us. Maggie called another day... she wants me to go... and then
Shan wants me to go i guess.. hummm.. okay. just a wedding dinner. alright, i will go then =)
but... i dont know what i'm gonna wear.. and i dont know how much i should pay.

mom asked me if i am gonna have a wedding dinner the chinese traditional one like Maggie. she said
maybe we dont need one. it's very complicated.. for me... yea.... it's complicated and tiring.. if i get
marry... i might just want something simple and easier. well.. i would make it nice but not fuzzy.

i read lots of articles on line today... humm and also find ideas for my research... doing some prep for
that.. then.. i saw some adv on line. i wonder how many ppl are using the dating website. seems like
lots of ppl are using that.

i bought some whole grain cereal... fats is less than 2%... humm it's better than the original corn flakes.
hee. i hope to have a nice breakfast tomorrow.

humm i wonder what a needy girlfriend is like.. and what a needy boyfriend is like.
if two needy persons come together, would that be the perfect match? i guess i wouldnt want someone
too obsessive or needy. coz it would make a relationship too heavy... but if you got a person who isnt
very into you, then maybe you would be very insecure crying all the time. sometimes i just hate it. coz
it's too complicated. some of my friends comeplaint to me about their guys... well... i guess guys are
just like the big boys. they are the baby. if you're not sweet enough, they might not like you.. but if you
re too nice, then they would take adv on you. if you dont take care of them, they would wonder what
is wrong with you.. but if you take care of them well, then they would take you for granted. i just dont
like this kind of game. it's not that i'm no fun. i just dont like it when it has to be like that. okay i can play
but then you cant expect me being too serious with you. coz a game is just a game. play hard and then
take off. but if you want a serious relationship, then you should be a worthy one but a funny one.
hahaha. i dont know.. guess... it's not easy to be a great girlfriend then. hummm sometimes... being
a great person doesnt mean you're a great girlfriend or great boyfriend.

as a girl now.. i guess... it's just important to do the right thing at the right time. being independent but
girly.. sexy... cute... and.... charming.. nice... smart and maybe intelligent... but most importantly... be real.

i would be glad to be with a man.. but a man can be a boy sometimes and that's cute ;)
while a man is mature and sexy, who can take care of you most of the time, make you feel safe...
then... at the same time when he is being a boy he would play with you or tease you a bit, then that's
fine. coz that's cute. girls are actually quite independent... but only when we need attention or just
being weak or having a bad day then we need a shoulder to cry on... most of the time when girls are
playing the girls role... 1) coz she's a really girly doll... 2) coz she's just playing a girl role that she thinks
it should be like. 3) she's just trying to be a great girl for the only you. 4) humm... 1+ 2 + 3 = she's in
love with you. so.. when i heard my guy frined say my girlfriend is irretating.. i would say shut up.
haha coz you should start worry if she doesnt care about you at all. well but i do admit that... sometimes
we girls are being a bit too much, including myself. i guess.

i'm not too playful anyway... i would rather having a serious relationship in stead of playing around.
but if i can find a guy who can be trusted and who can let me being playful for awhile sometimes,
i would melt for him. i dont like to be... in control.. but i dont like to be forced to do anything either.
i like... balance... peaceful... but exciting and fun.. in the long run.

>>October 15, 2008 at 5:54:18 PM GMT+8

2008 年 10 月 13 日 星期一 【晴】

hi.

today i didnt go anywhere.. only staying home... resting... sitting... and tidying up my stuffs.
i have been very worried for my transcript.. so i didnt feel like to do anything except just resting and
watching movies at home. it's like... i dont know. i'm kindda strsssed thinking of that, and at the same
time i cant just sit and wait. so... i just wanna stay home. i didnt feel like to talk with anyone on line
except Shan and Stephen.

i started to unpack some boxes of book and notes.. they are all over my room and the living room.
then i saw all my books and notes.. and some class materials.. then i cleared my shelf.. and i saw lots
of old books and my assignments in highschool. it was kindda funny when i read what i wrote.
my chinese used to be not bad. hahaha.. well not good but still better than now. and my chinese
writing wasnt too bad. haha. and i saw the newspaper clipping book was nice. and i saw i have done
so many pastpaper for the HKCEE. i really did a lot of hard work yea.. but just... screwed. forget it.
it's done and past. and i saw my dictation books. hahaha.. my poor chinese dictation.. i got 0 for 3 times.
and i saw my classmates marking on that with their signature. okay, next time when we got class
gathering, i'm gonna bring them to show them what they did on my book before. haha. i also saw lots
of handing notes. i just got so many of them.. i feel bad to throw them away.. i still feel sad about that..
but i guess i'm the only one who keeps these stuffs now. coz.. we grad since 2003. and i guess
most of us have already threw the stuffs right after that semester. so i'm probably the last one to still
keeping part of them. and honestly, i dont wanna throw them all, so i keep some of them.. i put them
in a big folder, and i plan to keep them for another few years.. then maybe next time when i open them,
i would be sharing them with others haha.. i dont know. i just know that they do keep lots of good and
bad memorries. if i throw them away, it's like whiping my own memorries away. i need space and i
need to move on,.. but i still wanna keep some of them. coz that's part of me.. some important stage
in my life that i would never wanna miss. i even saw a big book about my F3 class. it was the social
science class. it was kindda funny.. it's very innocent.. and i read the comments i wrote for the news.
it was very innocent, and it's like... this girl is so familiar. oh yea.. that's me. haha... i was the girl who
likes the puple pen writing lots of self opinion and... although it's already 12 00 am, i would still work
hard on every homework that i did. and i would still study hard for the dictation even though it's already
2 am in the morning. then i would get up at 6 30 to go to school.

then i saw lots of pictures.. those are very cute. i look kindda old as in at that age.. most of us are all
very pretty.. i wasnt very outstanding at all. i was just a normal looking girl and i wouldnt cut my skirt,
i wouldnt perm my hair.. i wouldnt make myself look good. all i cared about was the strict rules the
school hold, and also if i look neat and clean enough. mom would iron my skirt and shirt almost
everyday. well i was kindda like the modle student.. so... haha i guess that's why.. and i was the
prefect right? when students argue with me, i gotta point at them that i do the same, i follow the rules
so they should be able to do that too. yea.. i look old and.... no no.. not nerdy. hahah.
i guess i was ... not very very popular as in many guys would fall for me, but everyone knows me..
so... i dont know if i am pop or not.. just that ppl like me as in i'm the good student i guess? and they
do protect me, especially the guys. that's why i am so safe at school. haha.. yea.. if you're good, then
no one was gonna hurt you. i guess... another reason why is that the bad students dont really wanna
creat problems with me, coz they know that the teachers wouldnt let them go if they do hurt some
good students. but yea.. it's always warm to think about the past in highschool. i have been there
once this year.. there're so many changes now... lots of new teachers.. and then.. there's a new
swimming pool, then lots of stuffs arent the same anymore. i dont go back as often anymore.. guess i
am getting old as well. i dont know much ppl there anymore. i guess it's kindda normal.. but still.. i would
feel a bit sad about that. coz it's like the place used to be yours, and you have so many memorries
there. in 5 years since grad... i have been away from there, i went to school elsewhere, i went
overseas to.. i worked.. and i studied.. so many thigns happened but not there, then i went back there
again.. and everyone is gone, everything is changed. the place is so familiar but it's totally different.
coz the ppl isnt there anymore. no one would still call me 小丸子. ppl call me Castor. or.. if there are
some ppl still calling me that japanese nick name.. then i would feel kindda uncomfortable.. coz ...
no one would call me that name anymore. so.. it's kindda weird but still... i wonder how sweet and nice
it was there.

then.. i re-orgnaized my books and stuffs.. and i still need one or two more days to tidy up my other
stuffs. my room is still very messy. then..
surprisingly i saw a grade report. thanks God. i got that piece of paper at least.. i called to school and
talk with the student service person. i need to fax it to them tomorrow. so... even though i havent got
my official transcript, i still have some basic evidence to proof i have done those courses.

then i saw lots of photo albums... those were .... when i was ard 15- 16 y.o. the school trip to New
Zealand and Singapore. hahaha.. lots of silly pictures though.. and some of them are the school
picnic pics. and it's so strange.. i saw my pics in F.5 are all very strssed and sad.. well... i guess it's
coz of the stress from home about the HKCEE. i was so stressed. anyway.. i should find some ways
to upload those pics to Facebook to share with some old schoolmates there. they must laugh if they
saw them hahaha. we all change alot, definitely. ppl used to tell me it doesnt matter if i dont look good
enough at school, coz someday when i grow up i would look much better. i was like... yea right, dont
fool me. i know i'm not pretty, but i just cant care too much since i have too much to worry about.
then mom would say actually i dont look ugly at all, i'm quite pretty. then i would smile and think i hope so.
the now i am more grown up i guess hahaha.. and i'm 22 now. chinese ppl say girls' most beautiful
stage would be from 18 to 22. so... this year is my last year. in older chiense culture.. more old fashion
years, they think if the girl cant date any guys within 18- 22, there there must be something wrong
with that girl. for me.. i was always afraid if i could get a boyfriend, but i was really too busy for that.
and also.. who would want to be with me? i was such a hard competitor. well i got so many fishy
news at school with guys. hahaha.. but... i wonder who was real who wasnt real to me. it's too much
to explain though. anyway... i dont know. my Stephen is so far away from me, i got all the freedom
and time i need. but i miss him everyday.

and that's also why i dont wanna retake those courses.. not that i hate going to school. i would love to
go sitting in sometimes to refresh my memorries and maybe i would get some new inspriation. just that
would delay my plan, that is gonna affect me and Stephen directly. so.. i dont wanna retake.. and i dont
wanna pay extra for that. i didnt do anything wrong. that's why it's pissing me off.

i always think... in future... i would bring my future husband or my kids to walk around the area that
i grow up in... like... maybe my high school... like in Tai Po.. maybe even Elchards. coz.. this is the place
i grow up in, the ppl i grow up with. this is the most valuable thigns and ppl that i have in my life.
here is the story of mine, this is me. everything is so real and honest, just like the black and white of
histroy. but mine is a bit different. coz i have different colours in my life. you can see and even feel
what happened in my life, just like greeting the person who has been living inside me, with me.

if you love me, and you are intereted in me, then you would find what kind of person i am. if you just
want someone who lives in the present, i hope you can take some time to see who i really am. coz
you might be wowed. i think... the most charming thing of a person is that... at this moment, she or he
is just... attractive.. but behind the face, you still can see the real person inside. and ... you can see
what s/he has experienced in his life, and you would be stunned. that's the most beautiful thing...
coz you would see how that person describe himself and his life, how much fun he had or sadness
he had.. just like you have just read a wonderful story, but it's a real story. and this person is the one
you care about so much. it's like you can find such wonderful connection with that person. maybe it's
just friendship, but you would be happy to meet this person. that's also why i like to share. coz...
when you're being real to others.. you would actually feel good and calm. if ppl like you, they like you.
if they dont like you, that's fine.. coz.. it's just... you. and you do know there would be someone who
would just like you as much as you like yourself. and if you have found this person.. this is just the
very good luck in your life.

i used to think.. maybe... when i get married, i would choose to go to Aukland again for honey moon.
it was a beautiful place.. and i wish to go there again someday. it was a peaceful place. i had too much
tears and laugh there. and i hope that the next time i go there, i would laugh and smile all day =)
it was my first time leaving home for so long, my first time to have been overseas. i cried so much. haha.
well... whatever i say now is just... saying.. coz.. you never know right?

anyway.. i think i have writen too much now. ha.. it's good that i can talk with Stephen today.
i just need him. yes i do.

tomorrow i will need to work... hummm.

>>October 14, 2008 at 5:00:16 PM GMT+8

2008 年 10 月 12 日 星期日 【晴】

i'm so worried for my transcript..
i went to school today, and i paid for my graduation fee..
it was fine.. then i checked my study plan.. then the student service person told me that i still need to
take 15 credits. i was shocked. coz i'm supposed to have done all courses, but only the research are
now pending.

then i talked with them.. and after checking on the doc.. they said i still have some transcript missing.
i was like what?! how come?? so.. one of the courses i have done in USU was from another college.
i didnt know about that?!! and then the old stupid campus still owe me one transcript and there were
3 courses there! oh fuck. they still owe me that?! i'm in trouble now. coz that stupid campus is closing
down soon. it's been quite a long while i have asked them before, and i didnt keep checking with them.
so... i feel so screwed.. i dont wanna retake those courses.. coz i got As on those 3... and the other
1 was from the other college.. that was the basic computer science course.. i got an A or B.. so..
yea... if i get them back... and if i can get an A on my research, then my GPA would be bumped up to
at least ard 3.75 to 3.8... now i'm 3.64... i just barely reach 3.6, the basic requirment of the master intake.

so i went to that stupid place after leaving school. i didnt take my lunch, i was too worried about that..
then.. i went there, talked with the receptionist. i asked her who i should talk with. then she said i can
write a note, and then someone would get back to me. i was shocked. i said WHAT? when are you
gonna get back to me then? then she said.. ard 2 weeks. i was like WHAT? it takes 2 weeks for you
to ask someone to read my note? then she was like.. errhhhh... coz it takes some time on the proceedure.
i was kindda speechless.. that's rediculious. Rediculous. i said i need my transcript a.s.a.p. who can
i talk to? then she said.. erhh.. you can call another day. i said ok. from now on, i am gonna call them
every morning and afternoon and evening. at least 3 times everyday. it's just pissing me off. if they
dont answer my call, i will go there everyday. i 'm just so mad. wasting my time.

if i need to retake any courses, then i might not be able to catch up with my plan. i am worried coz it's
not my fault. it's that stupid campus. i really really hate it. how can they do that?! no wonder they need
to close down. but just give me my transcript first. i need it and this is their responsibility! cant believe
that's been a whole year, and they still didnt send to my school! and dare she asked me back why
i didnt contact them if i didnt hear any news from them! i was like WHAT?? i was not in HK, and you
supposed me to keep chasing you guys and reminding you what you should do? are you alright?!
wasnt that your responsibility to do your job?

after that.. i just go grap a coffee in Starbucks, and got some chocolate tart. i was so lack of sugar.
i walked ard in Festival Walk.. kindda figuring what to do and thinking of the office. walked ard the
H&M. i saw some nice belt... and a nice shirt.. it's on sale. i wanted to get both but no.. i only bought
the belt. it's really cheap. much cheapper than in Van. so yea.. i need it anyway. so i just get it.
took train back to the office.. chatted with Shan =( i was really worried... sigh.
then i talked with her about my graduation.. and we planed to have dinner this Fri night. we need to
relax abit. so.. cool.. at least i can chill out with my best friend here. then we did the decoration..
and i still need to make some crafts for that on Wed. after that.. i just walked home..

i went to school today. they have some changes.. and the students there arent my friends at all..
i just left since March, they have quite some changes already and i dont see my friends there.
more and more ppl speaking in Eng at school which is kindda surprising me and i think this is definitely
a good thing. i think they're not from our local schools.. i dont know, nvm. so yea...

i talked with Rami about the old campus.. and he said i was funny. no it's not funny. i am so worried.
i really dont wanna retake my courses and pay extra for that. =(
then on Facebook... professor Casey was really funny. i have been in touch with him. just mesgs
once awhile. i'm happy for him, he's so free, always doing what he wants to do. i just dont understand
why he would vote for McCain. he said Obama didnt do anything while he's the senator. i just dont
see McCain is doing better than Obama haha. anyway yea. he's so funny. he would teach negoitiation
skills or soemthing like that in Aus in June. wish him good luck. he said he might visit HK in Jan or Feb.

right now, i just want my transcript back, and i just really wanna fix it. i'm graduating.. i cant wait anymore.
and then i am thinking of the work and my paper. so.. yea.. damn. i want my transcript. =(

>>October 13, 2008 at 4:33:43 PM GMT+8

2008 年 10 月 11 日 星期六 【晴】

The man who cant be moved- The Script



today i woke up very late.. i just slept very late.. then.. i rested a bit.. then i went to Ma On Shan..
had lunch with my family.. and then visit my aunts.. then at night we had dinner. simple day..
very tired...

last night i chatted with honey before sleep. it's okay.. i miss him. i told him.
after that... i had a better sleep. i'm happy about being more stable now. the less insecure i am, the
more confidence i have to... face different challenges. if i dont have to worry about my basic living
expenses, then i would be less stressful... then i could just stay focus at work stuffs, and more
importnat thing is my research later.. the most important thing is... family and relationship. so.. yea..
if i dont have my family, or him or other friends, then no matter how wealthy i am, i wont be happy at
all. money is just so important but... still means nothing if i am not happy at all. you can buy everything
you like but those cant give you real happiness. hummm i am happy when i have money, i could go
shopping.. just like back to HK, i did lots of shopping i know. i have spent quite some money...
that made me feeling better, helped me a bit on adjusting HK again. but i still feel sad about that.
what really makes me happier is that.... i know i could stay clam. and i'm more confident than before.
like.... i am sad, but i'm able to live my life. but it doesnt change my love to him or Van.

i am planing to apply to Cathay again. i dont wanna tell many ppl about that. so far... except my aunt,
only my family, honey, and Shan know about that. and coz of that, well with other reasons, i am on
diet again, and gonna exercise more often. i though i'm 107 lbs.. but this morning when i woke up,
i only got 104.5 lbs. and my goal now is ard 98 lbs. its a really big challenge to me! hahaha..

tomorrow i'm going back to school. then.. see what else i have to do..

>>October 12, 2008 at 4:32:57 PM GMT+8