2008 年 7 月 21 日 星期一 【晴】

hi..

today i woke up early.. but i didnt sleep well last night.. i didnt feel like sleeping at all..
i dont have bread at home.. so just bought some and soya milk on the way to the office..
yes, i work. lunch time.. i got some tea and 2 egg tarts. nice.

"July 22, 2008 - You can expect thrilling experiences and equally thrilling encounters.
There'll be storm in the air at home; keep your calm. A day favorable to commercial and financial
transactions. You'll risk being infatuated with a person who is not free but whose charm seems
irresistible to you. Your material situation will begin to improve sensibly, but you'll have to continue to
be very careful about your expenses. If you feel down-hearted for one reason or another, just go and
do some sport."

it's so true... sigh.. i miss Stephen alot.. i couldnt sleep last night.. kept thinking of him..
but okay, i'm fine. i saw him on line today.. we chatted... hummm... yea.. it makes me wanna see him..
and touch him... i printed our photos out.. and i kept them at my office and my bed at home..

anyway.. work work work.. busy and ....boring hahaha.. but i called lots of applicants today..
trying to arrange interview for them.. and then working on the schedule and helping the cookery class.
not tooooo busy, still quite busy sometimes. Shan came... we talk a bit.. thanks her sooo much..
hhummm actually.. when i was screening the resumes, i took away lots of Indian or South Asian..

Chinese too.. i might be racist, but at the moment now, we are under very big competition here..
i really cant risk any problems with the "native teacher" as in... the image issue.. L Tree is using all
white teacher. we are not.. but at least the teachers we have now are all very experienced and more
stable. we have Carole and Jacob, from Canada and US.. then Sohpia is British Chinese.. Carole has
been teaching since she's young in Canada then she has been teaching in the Kindergarden near by
since 7 years ago? then so many kids and parents recognize her.. Jacob is the youngest teacher
now, but he has experience and he is stable and responsible. i like him. then Sophia has been raised
in UK.. and since back to HK, she has been the prinicple in a kindergarden.. May is the worst and
we have been trying to transfer students to other teachers' class. Ella has 8 years teaching exp.
parents and students like her.. so... if we are finding new teachers, they must be very well experienced
and then must be ... i dont know... i will ask alot of questions in the interview i guess..
i kept only one Indian among all, coz she is teaching in the kindergarden at the moment, and she seems
having a very good resume telling me that we should give her a chance.. well.. there are some good
potential teachers.. so.. i dont know.. Ella told me this time she wont go with her instinct. hummm ok..
actualyl the last few times.. i interviewed the teachers first, then send them to her for the 2nd Interview.
i told her what i seen and found.. or felt.. but then she didnt really lsiten to me.. and so...
okay.. so this time.. i guess she will think twice before making decision.

then yea... i saw that guy.. humm another guy from next next door.. hummmm i dont like him tring to
sweet talk me.. calling me "hey pretty." he has a wife. i'm not interested. so crazy. he can be my uncle.

HakGon MSN me. hahahaha.. he's in England now! omg! he stdies ESL there. omg... it's been so long
i havent seen him or Jason. it's so nice to hear from him. he was one of my close buddy at VPC..
he used to joke ard with me at school.. and we hang out sometimes. i remember once i was school,
he was so proud of his phone, then i took it and ran ard the school, and he kept chasing me behind.
hahaha.. he ran so fast.. and sometimes we had lunch together or hang out on weekend with other
friends. it was a great time there.. and now he said.. England is not as fun as Van. haha i know why.
coz i'm not there. he is like my brother.

God... i really gotta pray..

tomorrow would be a great day =) May God bless us all.

>>July 22, 2008 at 4:30:55 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 20 日 星期日 【晴】

hi hi.

yesterday, i went to Ma On Shan to visit grandpa.. and i saw auntie Kitty and Sheila..
hummm it was okay.. we hang ard... then had dinner at grandpa's home.

today, i woke up very early, then i went back to the office with Shan.. then just follow up sth...
some small problems... then i went to Sha Tin to meet Miki and Leggy.. then we did some shopping.
omg. it's sales time everywhere.. seasonal big sale.. omg.. haha... it's like... it's the 50% off for the
Spring and Summer products, then the new arrivals of Summer is all on sale as well.. like..
i bought 3 items from ROXY, and i got like 25%off.. then i bought another top from Weekend Workshop,
and it was 40% off. it's crazy. hummm i bought 2 mini skiets and 1 tank top from ROXY.. then another
shirt with belt from Weekend Workshop. they came as a set... very cheap though... and the last piece..
so... i just decided to get them. it's very nice and very summer. the skirts i cant wear for work for sure.
but the top is fine for work, as long as i got a jacket or something like that. then the shirt is just fine and
nice for work or casual wear.. i love them. ha..

girls love shopping isnt it.. then we went to Snoopy Land.. coz we got 2 free vouchers for some
river ride there. haha.. Leggy likes it.. so we did it.. then we went to the park.. it's so hot..
but it was so funny.. coz.. we were on the swing, not the kid one.. and then the teen couple was
waiting for it... and they were gossiping about Miki.. and then we just stayed there longer just wanna
piss them off.. hahaha.. then anotehr little girl came asking us if we could let them sit and play..
we said oh yea sure... hahaha.. then we left.. and Leggy saw that couple was so pissed..
it was so funny.. coz the conversation was very silly and omg.. soooo kiddish..

anyway.. back home resting.. and we watched Harry Potter vcd.. hummm yea.. we like it..
i'd never watched Lord of the Ring.. but i guess it's a nice movie.. and i know Stephen likes it..
and his boys' name are the main characters' name. ha.. interesting..

English name.. my English name isnt like my Chinese name...
Castor.. it's a Greek name. i'm Gemini.. Castor and Pollux are the twins of Gemini in the Greek myth..
the first two stars of Gemini are Castor and Pollux.. so my name is Castor..
it's nothing about the Caster sugar or Castor oil, not the bean or not casturd. haha..
Mei Kwan 美君... Mei is.. beauty, nice. nice for girl yea? ha.. then Kwan is gentelment, is kindness,
is honesty, is the word naming a king of China so long time ago.. so.. basically... my name means
some of the important personalty of a person. my name is not picked by my parents, but... some fortune
teller. he calculated my life, and picked this for me. hummmm.. he thinks it's the most suitable name for
me. and i do love my name. it's like always reminding me what person i should be looking for in myself.
i'd never thought about my name before till i was 13. in Class, teacher asked us to do some little
research, go asking parents what our name means.. and so i checked the dictionary and asked mom..
and i found out my name. i love my Chinese name and English name too.. the reason why i dont use
my Chinese name as my English name is.. western ppl dont understand what Mei Kwan means.
and the thing is.. i'm kindda embarassed about my name is the same with a singer. she has the same
name with me.. she used to be very famous in HK after i was born.. then she just left HK ? and then
she became some porn star... when i was a kid, my schoolmates used to laugh at my name like..
asking me if i wanna be a singer too? always laughing.. then when i got older.. my friend told me that
actually that singer played at some porn movies. and i was like what? i d never heard of it.. omg..
qite embarassing. but then it's fine.. when ppl asked me what's my name.. new ppl i met,.. i would tell
them i'm Castor. when we got closer, knowing each others more, then i will tell them my Chinese name.
so i have some interesting and mystrious English name, and i have the very meaningful Chinese name.
Lau.. my dad said.. Lau is a big surname. and long time ago... back to the Chinese history..
Lau is one of the biggest and strongest Chinese ppl, coz of the war stuff.. hummm... history...
it seems so far away from me... i love China but... at the same time there are so many things i dislike
about China.

i grow up in Hong Kong.. a more muti cultural city... hummm compared to Canada, of course Hong Kong
is not as multi cultrual.. but i mean Western and Eastern mixed.. if the UK didnt take over Hong Kong,
Hong Kong wouldnt have as nice and fast development back to 80 years ago? so... when ppl asked
me if i would be happy about HK being the UK colony... absolutely.. otherwsie.. HK is just like..
anotehr normal city in China, right? and then... i dont know.. thanks God HK has English education
since we're in the Pre school.. and i'm totally happy about have some British style of life here.. and
some very traditional style of life here too.. i like the old HK more than the HK now.. it's like...

it was more international... and now it's international but much more mainland Chinese like?
as in... more and more mainland Chinese imigrate to HK.. i dont dislike them, but sometimes what they
did just freak me out and the others too. it's like we are given lots of bad comments nowaday coz
of them.. and in fact... we got more and more difficulties and social problems coz of them..
it's just... very very annoying sometimes.. coz i like them, some of them are very friendly but just...
sometimes i cant stand their habbits and manner. so.. if you're a "Hong Kong person," what would
you do? to dislike them or discriminate them or still being so proud of accepting them as a whole big
Chinese family? i just dont know. the mainland Chinese complains about Hong Kong ppl keep saying
we are Hong Kong ppl... and the truth is WELL, WE ARE HONG KONG PPL, that doesnt mean that
we are not CHINESE. just that we're grown and live in HK, and we are still Chinese. i dont understand
why some ppl have to pick on us, like.. what's so good to complain about? we dont love our country?
i do love my country, i'm proud of being Chinese.. but just think about why ppl dislike you.. the ppl dont
do it for good. British took Hong Kong away from China for almost 100 years, we are supposed to
hate the Great Britian, but we dont. and we do like them. what's the reason? think about that and
stop complaining about our layalty and stuff.

the Oylimpic 2008 is kindda shamful now.. i used to be so excited and so proud of it.. but then thing
is what the China Gov doing now is dissappointing everyone in the World.


anyway.. i finally got my newest Reader's Digest, the July one.. haha.. and i love some of the articles
inside.. i wanna copy one for Stephen.. it's talking about sleep. humm dont know how his sleep recently.
i wish he could have some nice rest.

i read on line that some ppl are asking about what if Batman v.s. Spiderman..
for me.. haha.. SPIDERMAN~ SPIDERMAN, Spiderman will always win for sure =P

tomorrow i will be working. then Thurs and Fri would be off.. got some family thing to do..
so yea.. enjoy my day tomorrow. humm i will be okay.

>>July 21, 2008 at 1:24:43 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 19 日 星期六 【晴】

i try to work happily today.

it was okay.

just now.. Karen asked me about some Chinese idiom translation in English.
i was like... hummmmm.... "隻眼開隻眼閉?" hummm... okay.... then i found "Turn a blind eye" on the
internet.. then i go search it in the dictionary. then i found the definitation... "to refuse to see or
recognize something." that's idiom too.. but then.. i think it cant be the direct translation.. coz... that
is somehow slightly different. the Chinese one, we used it with the situation in which ppl see
something absolutely negative is going on, but pretending not seeing anything...
"one eye is open, the other one is closed at the same time." for example, while a person is watching
his classmate cheating on an exam, pretending seeing nothing...

in English "Turn a blind eye" means something very very very similar..
according to the dictionary.. this idiom defines as.. "1: Intentionally overlook or ignore something.
2: Have full knowledge of something and refusing to check it out." " To refuse to see or recognize
something." for example, "turned a blind eye to tax fraud".

for me.. the difference between is like...
the chinese one is.. pretending seeing nothing, in fact we WATCH something's happening, ON GOING.
that's it. No AFTERWARD. period. ppl use this in only very unpleasent situation, passive.
i'm WATCHING it, and so I WILL BE ONLY WATCHING it. that's it. this doesnt indicate anything is gonna
happen or any action afterward.

but "turn a blind eye" means you REFUSE TO see, so it's like you know something's GONNA HAPPEN
and you refuse to recognize it. it's a strong will of refusing to know something to recognize something.
its like... BFD, dont want to dig in it, no good or bad.. you can use it for any situation, not necessarily
bad. turn a blind eye, so that you DONT HAVE TO SEE, and you WONT see.
The thing is... You go head with what you wanted to do. there's the afterward.

check out the original place this phrase came from... about the guy.. Admiral Horatio Nelson.


i dont know.. maybe my interpertation is not so correct... but these two are actually 98% alike.

>>July 19, 2008 at 5:24:08 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 18 日 星期五 【晴】

today is rough.

it's not tough but rough..

i woke up at 8 30, then left home at 10am.. 30 mins quick walk to the office.
Jonathan's mom was waiting for me. i was like... what's up again..
last night was long enough.. i got the intervention for her son for 2 hrs already..
anyway, she's back.. sigh.. another 1 hr. she got so many ques and kept tring to get some good deal
from me. the thing is... i cant. i cant help. i have done everything i could have done.. and her request
is too ideal, it's not possible. crazy little women..

then it was ard 11 30... then... i just gotta parared for the cookery class for Carole.
the thing is i was so pissed. i got 11 mesgs on my log book from Ella... and another 2 mesgs, 2 memo
notices on my desk.. sigh.. i was reading Ella's word, and honestly i was so irretated. it's like...
there are so many works to do, and she doesnt have to remind me anything, coz pretty much i have
done already and still on progress cant be hurried. if she wants she can do all these by herself, and
just please stop hurrying me, coz it doesnt help at all. it's like.. dude, LOOK, if you have READ, then
you wouldnt have left me such mesg to see if i have done this or that. just OPEN your eyes and READ.
it's eveything on the schedule, just stop asking before you read.

i was pissed off, coz i couldnt find that fucking vanilla extract and that table cloth. she'd never told me
the students should bring apiron, and no one would do. and so, where is that measurement cup?
and i didnt find that. Ella said she would bring all the stuffs, and she did bring a bag of stuffs..
but just not everything in. and you know what, i ran to the ParknShop to get the icing sugar and the
oil, but that's all i can have from there, and it was late. omg. then i was setting up stuffs for Carole..
and then, the thing is Carole compaint to me about the bad equipment, just like i did. and i told her that's
the all i can do, and if there's anything can help then i would do. even melting the butter i did that. i hate
that smell. i could puke. and it was the nasty disaster. Carole's coffee was spilled over the carpet..
then without the measurement cup, it was so difficult to do all the steps anyway.. i was stressed.
even the oven is not working well. nightmare.

after that.. i finally got time to get back to Jacob. got his mesg from Carole.. re-arranging some class
for him. he gotta thank me. then doing some resume screening.. got ard 25 - 30 replies. the scedule
got problems as well.. i'm stressed, coz other parents come tlak to me.. coz Carole is taking over
Ella's classes.. and the parents come talk to me, not Carole or Ella. and i gotta tell the truth and explain
the situation and the student's performance. it's like i gotta report to the teacher, and get observing
the classes and check the student's classwork, then gotta report to the parents and do a bit intervention.
so it's like... all happening in the morning... and i am happy to do that, coz i 've ensured the parent
that the student is doing fine. and i have saved a student from losing. so.. yea.. i try really best to
save our reputation..

then lunch time.. i get some bread and papaya for lunch.. i need the getaway.. but then.. i ate at the
office.. and when i was still eating my bread.. Jonathan's mom appeared in front of me again..
she said like oh you were away, i said yea i was goign to get lunch. then she started asking and
talking again.. and i was still eatting ! i was like.. okay, i dont mind to talk, but it's my damn lunc time..
give me a break! then... when i was eatting papaya... Ella came out and talk to me, asking me ques..
i was like... come on, what's wrong with you ppl, i'm on my lunch break, so please just give me a break!
i totally understand she wants things done, but please... be organized and so all the things would
make sense and she wouldnt need to ask so much. and it's like.. i have told her what i thought and
stuffs, but she's the boss. so.. what's the point?

i told her the situation about the cookery class, Carole told her too. and Ella complaint to me about
Carole is not flexible enough. what i thought is... HAHA. nope. Carole makes sense but Ellla doesnt.
just forget it. i told her that well you cant expect Carole would do it in your way, coz Carole is western
woman, and she got everything in Canada and even here HK. our equipment is kindda... bad. so..
we cant expect too much from her. you did it in your way, it worked, but it doesnt mean it works on her.
she said but we did it last year.. oh yea.. you did. but i'm sorry.. Carole cant. she even told me she
doesnt wanna take this class anymore. and i wondered.. Hasnt She Figured that BEFORE? boss!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


okay. i really have enough today. so... i just wanna go home and rest.
i wanted to paint my nails today.. since i'm back.. i have no time, no energy to do it.
and still.. i have not time to..

thanks Mandy.. she made some nice sweet soup and she brought me some.. that's very nice of her..

and then... i kindda talked with Junming last night. i'm glad that he's doing fine..
he told me he's going to NUS next month. i 'm so happy for him. Junming is my 1st boyfriend..
and we still keep the frienship, just like with Chris as well. hummmm i told him if he's gonna marry,
he has to let me know eventhough i'm not gonna fly over SG for his wedding, but i would send him
my blessing and a gift. ha.. he's so happy. he said same for me. haha.. he's still the same..
i'm happy for him, coz his gf is so steady with him. it's like... Joan is his 2nd girlfriend, just after me..
so.. after me.. he has been with her... i'm so hapyp for them.

then yea.. when i go home tonight, i walk very fast as well.. just wanna exercise.

hummm.. just now ard 10 30... Ella called.. from the office..
i didnt pick up.. coz.. man.. i work from 10 30 am, and it's 10 30 pm, you still call me.. FOR WHAT?
business? you want me to stand by like always? no please..
then she mesged me on MSN.. she said she wanted me to call a student at 10 am when i got back
to the office tomorrow morning, and the class would be canceled, at 10 15am. WHAT?!
it's totally rediculous.

sometimes i'm so stressed out.. coz it's like.. i cant agree with what she does.. its like.. you cant be
so selfish always think about yourself first, you gotta think about your student and the others.
is that really okay to call at 10? what if the student has left home already? what if the student minds?
even it's only one student, it's her responsiblity to teach. how can she just cancel it, esp like now?
and look at the competition we got here. does she wake up yet?

i just wanna cry sometimes. it's like she doesnt understadn how stressful this job could be.
and she's putting me on this position. she doesnt realize how rediculous i feel sometimes.
and it's like... she doesnt really have to deal with the process, coz i am the one who stuck in the middle,
between the parents and the teachers, or anyone walk in. all she does is just tring to order me or ask
me to do this and that. there're so many things that she should do or she could do on her own..
but she's just.... a boss. and i wonder she thinks she pays alot to hire me to do all these stuffs and
take care of her business. i feel so terrible about being such cranky and bitchy today.. well.. on my
own here blogging... sigh.

i saw the hair stylist fromt next store a couple times a day. it's like he always walk in and out using the
door in front of our shop. and i always look outside.. i like looking at the sky and the trees.
then when he walked in... he stared at me.. then i just saw him and looked away. then i walked to the
washroom, and we met at the conner. ouch. i siad sorry then i walked away. i used to not saying hi
to him, coz he looks kind of cold. but.. since today.. i guess next time when i see him, i should greet him.
humm..


i'm so stressed. i just want the fast escape.
maybe at this point, i handel very poorly. hands-down.

so... when i have more free time... i just checked my mails again.. and i sent Stephen a recipe..
about bbq vege.. i think he might like it... so yea.. i hope he could try some.. if he wants..
then before i go.. i just chi chat with Carole a bit.. sigh.. rough day.

Cas.. dont stress out. do not.
i want some nice hot chocolate.. like the dark chocolate.. can i have some? hummm.. =(
or.. let me see some daisies?




>>July 18, 2008 at 6:01:49 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 16 日 星期三 【晴】

okay... here is the MV...

歲月如歌 - Eason Chan 衝上雲霄 Triumph in the sky


愛上了 看見你 如何不懂謙卑 去講心中理想 不會俗氣
fall for you and i see you; you are so proud to tell me your dream, it doesnt look cheap.
猶如看得見晨曦 才能歡天喜地
it's like you would be so happy only when you can see the sun rise.
抱著你 我每次 回來多少驚喜 也許一生太短 陪著你
everytime i hold you when i'm back, there are surprises; and maybe life is too short to be with you.
情感有若行李 仍然沉重待我整理
feelings and realtionship is like the baggage, very heavy to handel, and it's still waiting for me.

* 天氣不似如期 但要走 總要飛
the weather is not expected, but when you have to go... you have to go, to fly.
道別不可再等你 不管有沒有機
saying good bye, it cant wait for you, no matter if there is any chances
給我體貼入微 但你手 如明日便要遠離
you give me all of yours, thoughfulness... but if you hands have to let go of me, leave me..
願你可以 留下共我曾愉快的憶記
then i hope you would keep the good memorries we once have had together.
當世事再沒完美 可遠在歲月如歌中找你 *
coz when there's no such perfect thing in this world, i would still know where to look for you, just like
the old days in the old songs.

再見了 背向你 回頭多少傷悲
bye. turning back.. that was so upset..
也許不必再講 所有道理
maybe.. we dont have to go through all the rules and life lessons
何時放鬆我自己 才能花天酒地
when will i really relax myself, when can i get real fun again? getting drunk?
抱著你 我說過 如何一起高飛
when i was holding you.. i have told you how we would be flyign together
這天只想帶走 還是你
today, all i want is still you. i want to bring you along
如重溫往日郵寄 但會否疲倦了嬉戲
it's like to review the old posts, but would we be too tired to get back the old time, the playful days?
Repeat *


TVB is playing this old dramma again... we used to love this so much and i still do..
Miki loves it too.. haha.. and i guess it just ensured my flying dream when i was ard 17 watching this.
i wanted to be a flight attendent since i was 15 to 16..

recently.. i really gotta sit down and think about my future... what i'm going to do... what i really wanna
do.. is it psychology or flight attendent... i love both.. or maybe even being a teacher.. i have discussed
with different ppl.. and.. i dont know.. i used to leave the big choices to God.. like.. whenever i have
to make choice, big decision in life like school and work... i prayed and.. it happened like... it was all
perfect everytime.. never too much, never too less, never too early, never too late. everything it has its
time, and it's just right on time with the right place and ppl. so... why should i worry too much?
Cas.. just... try your best, do your best, work your part and be patient.. then you would know..

okay... i have wrote something today earlier on,.. so.. this MV is kept for tomorrow =)
have a good night Cas, and... stay happy and shinny tomorrow ! yesh~!

be right back tomorrow..
July 17, 1 17am. HK time.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


hummm busy working day..

i dressed up and made up today coz i met Shan for lunch..
back to the office, tidy up the store room and made tea... started working.. sigh.. making worksheets,
helping teachers to do prep for calsses..
then i got 3 new students today. i'm so happy... it's like.. YAY Castor~ hahaha...
then had late lunch with Shan.. back to work... busy busy.. then got a break..
then i saw my student Alex. i passed him the pen i bought him from Van.. then talked with his mom a bit.
then haha.. my another student, Winnie came back.. but we were both very tired so we canceled the
class.. and then i stayed at the office till 8 30... i was very tired.

i saw Joey on MSN.. i used to dislike her, coz.. she lied about me to Ella.. it's like.. i hate ppl lying,
especially at work.. it makes me feel like she's using me or setting me up.. and so does her sister Leona
did the same.. and i was treating them like my friends.. so.. i was very angry and i didnt really talk with
them after i found that out. but then now she's in Canada.. and i saw her pic.. she seems a bit sad?
i dont know.. sigh.. i'm not angry at her or Leona anymore actually.. just that i really dislike ppl lying to
me and about me.. sigh.. highschool kids.. i shouldnt be angry at them. i actually wonder how she's doing..

here's another song i keep singing when i'm walking home.. i walk very fast..
sometimes i do like this song.. it's sexy and i like this sorts of attitude... she was questioning about...
actting like a guy in a relationship, then the girl can gain back the power. but i wonder if relationship
is just about the power... who is losing, who's dominating.. who is in control.. isnt that competitive?
i mean like... oh yea.. i'm a competitive person too.. and i love challenges.. coz i'm a so damn type A
person. but so? ha... like what Ella said.. my personality is strong, my work and school performance
are strong, but relationship or anything dealing with ppl i'm weak. it's extreme. so.. i guess i should
remind myself to act strongger. but acting is not what i like.. so.. embracing this kind of boyish mind
is fine enough. but you know what... at the end of the MTV, Ciara was kissing that guy gentely, and
doesnt match the whole song. hahaha.. so does that mean she gave up acting like a boy? haha..
sometimes i wish i could act like a boy.. yea i do.. but i'm a girl... and do watch out..

2008 年 7 月 15 日 星期二 【晴】

Hello..

i'm at the office now.. just gotta wait till the last class finished, then i would right get heading home.
i dont wanna stay here till 9pm.. but shit... at least 8 30 i guess..
i was here since 10 sth am this morning.. so.. i'm very tired already.. especially i couldnt sleep last night.

Ella and Carole left already... only me waiting for Alfred's class done. i dont like him, he's so weird to me.
anyway... busy day.. troublesome boss, busy work.. lonely lunch time... and busy work again.
the thing is... if your boss is not so spontanous or troublesome, then the days would be much easier..
but... well... no choices unless i quit, and i dont see this day coming so soon. somehow i like my job...
just only that's not 100% or perfect for sure..

i'm happy to work with Carole though.. humm i dont know.. i like her.. just like i like Sophia as well..
maybe coz they're more stable? like.. at least not as spontaneous as Ella? i like Ella too.. but...
sometimes i cant stand her.

i tried to get myself some daisy flowers, but i didnt find ones... so... i dont know... i wanna put some
on my desk.. not as in dressing like some guy sent me flowers but just some flowers on desk.

then yea.. i tried to avoid coffee but couldnt.. when i was eating breakfast at home, i was tempting
to make coffee.. ha.. and i did... coz i need to work today from the morning till night.
then at the office... i used the new kaattle to make tea... i wonder to get some honey too..
honey jasmine tea is nice and comforting. i would want some honey ginger tea actually but.. a bit
complicated to make at the office.. bervage.. sigh. no.

last night i saw Stephen on line. i feel like 2 weeks or something havent talked with him..
we chatted for awhile.. mostly talk about the coming trip.. yea.. i'm thinking about that.. the date and
stuffs. sigh.. then yea.. we talked a bit about other stuffs. i dont know.. hate ppl suddenly going off in 3 secs.
no.. i'm just kidding. i dont hate everyone who does this but someone important to me that matters.

okay, Alfred's gone.. but still chatting with the parents outside.. i dont wanna leave with him..
i dont like him.. he was bugging at me before.. i thought he's single till... the time he sent his children
in our center for Eng classes recently, and it was like i knew him since a year sth ago..
his attitude used to be quite weird, and he asked me alot of personal questions and stuffs.. gave me
lots of compliments that kind of weird.. told me how great he is and stuffs.... once i saw him on street
while walking home.. he was so talkative that made me walk the other way just so as to avoid him.
it was kindda funny.. coz he used to tell me he works in the HK electric company.. but then he told
May he works as the accountant.. then he told Ella he works as another job. well.. man... full of lies or
just having muitiple idendities. haha.. too bad of me gossiping with myself about him..

okay i'm going home..
sigh.. would i see him on line tonight? i dont know. you'll see Cas..

>>July 16, 2008 at 12:44:09 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 14 日 星期一 【晴】

hi..

humm..

i woke up very late, then had breakfast and late lunch with my family..
i think i have stopped gaining weight and it seems slowly losing too, finally.
haha.. i ate lots of fruit actually then i started cycling at home again.. twice a week.. 50 mins each time.
then next week, hopefully three times a week..

after lunch, mom and i went to the market, then i walked back to office.. i woked today.. from 5 to 8 sth.
well.. kind of busy today.. sigh... sometimes i'm just easily stressed out.. when complication comes
suddenly, then i would get nervous easily.. coz the thing is.. we have lost so many students, and we
are not gaining as much as we lost or as much as the last year. for me it's like... i wanna gain much
more than we lost, especailly the reason of losing is something shouldnt happen... then.. i think... i really
gotta work harder and harder to save our ass. so... yea..

and i hate disorganized work.. it's like... without planing, so random... it's very difficult sometimes..
gotta be creative, fast and flexible, very accepting as well.. it's like.. you gotta be ready to handel
different annoying circumstances, happening anytime,... otherwise... cant handel the problems, cant
solve problems for others and with others.. sigh.. fortunately, Shan is super helpful and very great
to work with.. so... it's like.. i got a back-up, i got support.. Ella is just... sigh... dont wanna talk about
that... always makes me worry..

today.. the air-condioning guys come.. well they said hi to me.. asking me how's everything..
then we chatted for a short while.. humm the next store is really rented now for some education use..
so another education center.. Ella is not worried.. for me, i do worry somehow..
why would they move into a much bigger room? coz they wanna expand their business.. and here
got very very hard competition going on everyday.. too many education centers. how could they run
a center, which is like at least 3 times bigger than their original one? they need to have much more new
students, and so it which means that they're gonna open more and more classes and new courses.
they are probably doing traditional tutorial classes, but i'm sure they are gonna open some Special Eng
courses too.. and so... ? what's gonna happen? that L Tree center is already affecting our business
directly.. we're always compared to them already.. sigh.. and honestly... we're not the best, and we
are not doing the best as well.. how wouldnt i be worried?

anyway.. Ella said the air-con guys seem having something for me.. i told her no way. but she asked
me why not trying.. at least to try seeing if they are nice enough.. i was like... huh?? haha.. no way...
they're very nice guys i already know.. but..... well... i dont see anything..

that man talked to me again.. i just totally ignored him when i saw him.. i dont like that.

Ryo is back to Japan. he is on my Facebook now.. we talked a bit.. glad to know his bday was good.
before i left.. we were preparing for his bday party, i missed that. anyway.. i was surprised that
we remembered me. we were schoolmates in VPC, but i wasnt in his class. when he came, i was
actually leaving.. so.. i didnt know him at all.. but this time i saw him at Joy's home.. then he knew me..
he even remembed my name.. i was impressed.

i was so angry at Mixbook last night.. i have made some new phoo album at that website.. and i have
sent to my close friends and Stephen in Van.. coz it's all about my trip.. but then.. las night.. i might
just clicked on some wrong thing then.. my 6 hrs art work was just gone! i was so pissed !
i dont know.. i'm waiting for the manager's reply.. otherwise i just cancel it or re-do it. pissing me off..

just now, when i'm home... dad updated me some information about the coming trip.. something happened.
we're not living in Richmond this time.. but maybe ard UBC. omg. it's so far away..
and i think i need to start the planing.. and i need to talk with Stephen.

>>July 15, 2008 at 3:15:14 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 13 日 星期日 【晴】

i want some daisies..

i couldnt sleep last night but woke up at 7 sth..
i walked to Shan's appartment then had McDonald's breakfast with her.. my first time since back to HK.
when i was reading the menu, i was hopping to get the BLT combo.. but Hotcakes are not bad.

after that.. we just went back to the office, did the final prep... then Carole is back..
OMG. she's back eventually. i gave her a hug.. she looks very tired... we catched up a bit.. then..
helped her to prepare for classes.. then.. yea... got busy working with Shan... then.. whoooo...
had lunch with Shan.. then chatted with Carole.. it was nice to see her back here, and nice to talk with
her. she's very nice... and i'm happy that she seems fine now.. at least she's more okay now..

after that.. i went to TST to meet up with Capella. yup CAP is BACK! =)
i was happy to see her today even though i was so tired.. it's like... the coffee didnt work well..
i was still very tired. anyway.. we walked ard and had dessert.... walked ard then back home..
i'm so happy to hear her news. hee.. good for her good for her... then we talked about GRE as well.

hummm..
it was so funny on the TV... i was watching Ugly Betty.. it was Betty's Bday..
then Henry couldnt celebrate with her coz his exgirlfriend got pregnant by him and she's back living
with him now.. and... that girl tried to ruien him and Betty.. anyway... Betty had another celebration
with the other guy. he's sweet. well.. he doesnt really celebrate his own birthday but he told her that
as a friend... he wants her to have a great birthday coz she deserves it. she's a great person, etc..
then... i felt so warm when i saw it. it's like... wow.... in real life i dont have these kinds of sweet
celebrations anymore? haha.. the last birthday was.... with Capella last year in Stanely Park...
then the birthday in 2006 was like... working all day then had a drink very late with Shan and Queenie..
then the one in 2005 was .... a party organized by Dong Eon and Taku at Red Robbin back in Van..
hahaha... it was all great actually.. then... this year, i actually just turn 22.. and my birthday was...
with Stephen... then... back home having pasta made by Lisa.. and... there was an ice-cream cake
in the fridge waiting for me.. but i couldnt eat... haha.. then.. yea.... ard that period.. i was like having
a whole BDay Week.. coz Cyn and Kiana were meeting me always in that week.. it was sweet too..
we did so many silly things and we hang ard... it was the great time though.

Henry brought Betty a bunch of big pink dasies.. it was soooo beautiful... i mean the flower...
and it's like.. at least he showed up at her house at the end of the day right...
anyway... hummm.. her boss... Ming just dropped her a gift 3 weeks before her Bday.. coz he knows
that he would have been going to forget Betty's Bday !! HAHAHAH.
then Betty just said "Ohh!! He remembers that he will forget?!!"
i was like HAHAHAHAHAHA... he remembers that he will forget...... hahahah.. =D
*OXYMORON! haha.

anyway....
another day i found the on line dictionary for slangs and stuffs... it's called... Urban Dictionary..
then i searched for the differences between "pretty", "beautiful", "hot", such words...
i was surprised by the word "beautiful."
here is the poem.. haha..

Being Hot doesnt make a person beautiful.

Beautiful is a woman who has a distinctive personality, one who can laugh at anything, including
themselves, who is especially kind and caring to others. She is a woman who above all else knows
the value of having fun, and not taking life too seriously. She is a woman that you can trust and count
on to brighten your day. She is a woman who can inexplicably make you feel really good just by being
around her, and yet brings such great sadness when she is gone. She is a woman who I will never
really get to know.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=beautiful

i'm not a beautiful girl, am i? well.. i can laugh at anything of course including myself.. i always do silly
things then laugh with myself at myself.. haha.. dump dump.. haha.. i want a happy life but... i do take
life very seriously.. coz.. i think.. i only live once.. i want my life alive..
hummm ppl voted me on Facebook that i am the best person to hang out with for a day, but at the same
time ... i'm the least entertaining person hahaha.. least talented as voted as well.. omg.. i'm so lack of
talents? anyway... i'm not so entertaining.. i think i'm boring sometimes when i'm quiet.. but then....
i dont like ppl who is always too talkative.. coz i would like to yell SHUT UP!! haha.. kidding only..
sigh.. i have been very busy since back to the office... i just wanna relax and rest well.. stay happy..
so... if someone can bring me some big daisies or some hot dark chocolate, then i would be so sweet
and nice to that person ;) haha.. well.. hummmmm i dont know..

and then... it's like... what's the point of being hot and sexy... what's the point of being nice and sweet..
what's the point of being bitchy or whatever... i think... as long as... i'm happy with who i am... then...
the ppl ard me like me then..... i would be fine?

hummmm i hope someday.... someone will bring me some dasies too.. a whole bunch of big dasies..
small is nice and cute.. but... big is sweet too.. i like dasies more than roses.. daisy is just beautiful.
they're pure and ... i dont know... no matter thay're small or big.. they'r just... simple, fresh, and... cute.
hey.. if no one brings me flowers.. then... maybe i should start sending flowers to others first? ha..
yea.. i should do that..


humm.....

i like this song... the first time i heard it was from Ade... haha.. in 2006.. i was living with her and Cyn..
it was the summer time in Van.. so nice.. and then.. hummm i burnt this song on to a CD for Stephen
when we first got together.. ha.. so... whenever i listen to this song i would think of Ade, Cyn, and
Cap... then... i would think of Stephen...


i think the problem is not running away.. so... i think... i really need to make an appointment for a check
up. its not only about the girl problem.. it's another thing. i told Shan this morning.. she said it's very
strange,and i should becareful..

>>July 14, 2008 at 5:02:25 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 12 日 星期六 【晴】

yesterday..

i woke up early. i couldnt sleep well..
i mistaked my make-up remover cream instead of my toothpaste..
it was so silly.. then i washed it off from my brush but when i took my toothpaste again i grabbed
my cream again.. and i was... putting it on again ... yea... so stupid.

i had breakfast and walked back to office with Shan.. i didnt have coffee..
work started at 10 am on time.. first class was at 10 15.. i worked till 7 sth pm..
Shan left in the afternoon. the summer stuffs were almost 100% done.. i was making some final effort.
but then... complication came.. and.. i was sooo tired.. i felt like to cry but of course i didnt..
its like.. the busiest time was gone, but i was still there to follow up the small pieces of leftover..
i thought it's all right and nice, then complication came again, and i was exhausted sitting there listening
to Ella... and tried to figured out new way and ... tried to make things right again. and i was all alone..
i told myself that... it's alright Cas.. dont worry.. it'll be fine..

i tried to relax.. then after work got talk with Ella for a bit in the classroom.. then someone walked in
for the inquries.. then after all, we went to the Taiwanese tea house for bubble tea.. i felt much better
after that hot drink.. we chatted alot.. no business stuffs. just friendship talk. just fun stories and baby
stuffs. i'm so happy for her. The baby girl is coming out soon.

i have some health problem as well.. i think i gotta seek a doctor soon.

>>July 13, 2008 at 8:23:02 AM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 12 日 星期六 【晴】

='(


Castor.... be strong..

>>July 12, 2008 at 4:22:26 PM GMT+8