2008 年 11 月 12 日 星期三 【晴】

hi.

today.. i got a really sore back.. mom said i shouldnt drink too much coffee..
yea.. i drink coffee only on the work day though.. one strong black coffee in the morning... humm...
large size i guess.. i get tired very easily especial on the special days.. and yea.. sore back sometimes.

hummm back to work.. i did some work this morning... some doc things and stuffs.. and then organizing
my own stuffs too.. then yea.. Carole was back early.. then we chatted and i had lunch with my
parents. we had dim sum. it was nice. then... back to the office.. worked a bit.. then saw honey on
line. heeeee. i love him. omg. hee. did i just mention how crazy i am actually? no i guess not. anyway..
i think i'm a bit crazy about him. this's dangerous. girls should never do that... what re you doing Cas??
okay.. calm down. i'm okay.

then chatting with Alesja just now.. hummm i hope she will feel better soon. we talk alot.. we plan to
meet up someday.. she will bring her scraf to see me. hahaha.. then we said we would meet up, maybe
in Vancouver, maybe in Germany or Hong Kong. we just know that we would meet. we talk about
christmas, we talk about family, we talk about problems we are facing... just like the old time at VPC.
it's always great to be with her. and also Karen too. i miss her. she will come back in Jan. she grows
up alot alot.. omg.. i'm so glad and proud of her. she told me she is gonna tell me some hugest secret
ever when she comes back. i'm guessing if anything huge happened on her all of the sudden. haha.

yea.. Alesja asked me.. if i would go to Canada being with honey, if i would be afraid of no place to
stay.. coz it happened, and ppl worried for me. i know.. it was... terrible. and.. i dont know. see how
things go i guess. yea.. i do plan to go visiting him again next year.. but... dont know when yet.
my schedule is not that stable right now.. so many things are pending on my shedule.. so... dont know..

i have already started preparing for christmas actually. it's like the biggest thanks giving, at the end of
the year. got lots of messages wanna deliver to my friends and family, and of course w anna take
this season as the chance to share more and more with my honey. so... yea... i'm always busy with
diff things.. but i do have heart for the ppl i care so much.. just wanna take chances to tell them how
much i wanna thank them and spreading blessing.. and yea.. again, give thanks. especially this year,
just too many things happened in my whole big familly with my diff aunties and cousins.. so.. i really
wanna write cards by hand... and for some close friends, i do wanna find them some little gifts..
even if it's just simple like the lip balm, there are tonz of brands and flavor.. i wanna find the most
suitable for them with a really heartful card. for mom and dad.. this year is kindda different.. coz this
is also my graduation year. so.. i wanna thank them, and more... to give the more personalized gift.
i dont buy gift for dad, never. but this year yes.. coz... he actually has been a good daddy. for mom,
i get her earrings everytime on trip, or on her birthday or christmas. this year is different ;) hee.
for my sisters too. things are different this year. for my close friends not in HK, of course i do think
of them and their little surprise from me. haha. most importantly for me in Christmas is... to give thank.
i do it always, but at the end of the year, i just wish everyone feel warm and nice and be able to get
the blessing and care from me truely again, then we will all look forward for the new year coming..
and then.. i dont wanna forget this is the birthday of Jesus.

i do take time to make gift for honey this year. heeheehee.. i hope that he would like it. well actually..
just like the last two years.. his gift is the biggest one and the longest time consuming. coz from the
day one to think about the idea, then start choosing, comparing, and making decision, then the mesgs
and then so on and so on.. and the card.. i'm very particular on everything... then thinking about if he
would be comfortable this and that.. and need to calculate the day to post.. blah blah.. his gift is always
the biggest and... it's like.. weight so much to me. i want him to feel happy in christmas, at least for
a moment. i hope he would feel warm and... happy, i mean the real happy feelings... that make you
smile from inside. i know i cant be there in christmas.. but at least there's something i can do for him
and like... commuicating with him. not make things up but make things better. well.. i dont know how
he would feel.. but.. like... his gift is alwys the first one floating on my mind since the mid Oct.. then..
i have been doing different things for his gift already. haha.. and i d never felt tired doing all these.
strange. haha.

then for Alesja too.. she has been through so much this year... so.. as her best friend.. i would just
try to do whatever i can. i just wanna be there for her.. i have though of some wonderful gift for her
and Diana as well. i just need time to do all the stuffs.

then for my graduation... humm i made the phone call and sent e-mail the studio already.. and then..
i'm planing on the photo shoot day for my friends and relatives. it has to be on the seperate day.
i dont expect too many ppl coming, but i would try to invite every of my friends and some relatives
i guess. it's not something really big that i wanna show off about, but just again.. it's more like...
hey, i finally graduate, i wanna thank you have ever helped me on this or that, and the ppl who have
ever gave me a hand when i needed help.. so.. i do wanna thank ppl, and yea we cna take pics together.
so.. i am planing stuffs and the invitation thing. and that's also why i dont have much time and spare
space on my mind for Ella's stuffs, coz i do have something important to do. like... i dont wanna show
off, coz there's nothing much to show off, but i do wanna thank ppl for their help ever when i need
them. many ppl did help me before, and i dont wanna just graduate without giving thanks. but i worry
ppl might think it wrongly.. so.. i'm thinking about what to do too..

>>November 13, 2008 at 7:02:17 PM GMT+8

2008 年 11 月 11 日 星期二 【晴】

hi.

i havent been typing here since a few days ago? and today is Wed.
i'm just... too tired. well what a beautiful excuse.

actually on Sat... i left the office ard 12 40pm then i went to a clinic, right after that, i met my sis for
the movie "Highschool Musical 3" we like that. then on Sunday i just rest, and went out with my parents
for lunch. i just wanna relax.

on Mon, i went to the salon.... sigh,.... Mr. stylist... i dont know if i would go back next time.
i dont really like my hair style actually. i dont know what he's thinking or if i should trust him again.
so.. yea.. on Tue, i rested at home till late afternoon, then i took a walk to the book store.
i bought something... then i walked home resting again.

this morning, i just woke up... gosh.. i need to spend another 15 mins everyday just so as to adjust my
new hair. you know why i like to have wavy hair, just coz i dont wanna spend time on my hair every
day, coz it's tiring. blehhhh~~~~ now i need to spend extra 15 mins for my hair again.
then yea.. work.. and Ella told me about the party and her daugther's thing. i would need to help her.
i am cool with that, i am willing to help... but.................... hummm,.... i just think if i was a mother, i would
have done all these by myself. i wouldnt just ask someone to do that for me. maybe coz it's me..
i mean.. it's like... if i wanna make gifts for ppl, i would do it all by myself. i might ask ppl for advice,
i might need friends for help but i would be sure about myself being there as well, not just give others
my responsiblities. okay, since Highschool, i made gifts and cards once or twice a year for friends
in activities. it's not necessary but i would do all by myself. if i cant do that much, then i would change
my design or whatever so that i would make sure everything perfect and all by myself. i think that the
thoughtfullness and the real value of the gift matter. if you just do it coz you have to do it, then.... why
are you doing this or asking someone to do for you? okay she will make the cookies and put them in
45 boxes. making cookies is what she lately learn from classes. she is so proud of that we all know
that. i think if you wanna make lovely gifts for your guests that's fine. then why you want me to make
those 45 boxes if you really have a real heart to thank your guests. she should do all by herself.
and she's so funny. she isnt even finding tampleats or right paper on her own. she just asked me to be
responsible for that. and later i still need to take care of her invitation card and stuffs, and then her
party on another day. hello? i'm not her personal assistent. and i do have my own things to be busy
with. honestly, i'm organizing my own graduation thing as well, and i have started preparing for the
Christmas already. i am happy for her and her little daugther, but.... i got my own things to be busy
with. Christmas is only once a year, and i am not gonna help her on her personal things then forget
about the christmas and my graduation.

i heard form Mendy today about what Ella told the insurance company. i was like... wth she is thinking.
i dont wanna get mad and simply coz i just dont wanna stress out myself. i think she is stupid.... as
an employee, i am so pissed off always, but as a friend.. i just think... well... i have nothing much to
say anymore. if there's anything i can help i would, but... if she is just taking adv on me, then i dont
want it. like today, she told me "well, i need the boxes very soon actually." i asked her "how many
do you need?" she said "45." i was like "what?! 45? are you serious?" she said "yes. yea 45 boxes."
i asked her when, coz i would be busy with my own things actually. then she said "in Dec... on Dec 15,
well if you cant do all you can ask Agnes to help you." then i was thinking like... dude you dont pay us
much, and i know you dont wanna help us on the MPF as well, dont be too much to ask us doing some
of your personal stuffs. it's your family matters, go do it yourself. honestly.. usually when i help ppl,
i do wanna help and i try every of my best to help. but... if i am not happy when i'm helping you, why
should i help you? but forget it, i know she is not gonna understand these. i really wanna just do what
i should do for myself and my friends first before her family things. coz this is my damn big thing every
year, and my first graduation too. how am i gonna be able to focus on so many seperate things.
but think about this... this is her family's first big thing ever... how couldnt you just give her a hand
when she needs you. urrrrggghhhhh! i hate it.

i chatted with honey these days. it's nice to have him talking with. i miss him, but the feelings is
changed somehow. i love him, i still do. i think of him everyday. but sometimes... if you wanna step
front, it takes courage, and sometimes... you need more to break through something. i think i still need
to learn how to live with the ppl i love... not only him, like my friends and family too. it's stressful..
sometimes... but yea.... i feel stressed coz i care about them so much. and i think if they love me, they
should be more sensitive to me on the certain things.

Karen wrote me mesgs on Facebook, Carole too. thanks them so much =)
Karen... i miss her.. i wish she would come back for my gradutation. then yea... she mentioned
something about the past and future. i shared with her about Benny mesged me on the day before my
BDay. and the thing is... it crushed me. it did. i cried for huours that day and i didnt go out. it's not coz
i still loved him or anything, just didnt expact that he would come talk to me again through the lame
excuses and still... you know tring to lie to me. then i found out the truth was pretty ugly, even worse
than the day he left right.. i was upset and mad.. but... it's good and bad to know the truth anyway.
it just helped me to ensure myself, like discover some unknown about myself. i know i wasnt wrong,
and i was right. i am proud of myself for being so rough and strong to him. then yea. i was done with
him actually, i moved on and let go. i didnt wait for him or his answer after honey went into my life.
then i kept that barrier for a really long time though.. i didnt forget him coz i couldnt. so i remember him
and i remember there is some unknown hanging on about that fail relationship. i didnt really forgive or
forget him at all. i did move on and let go already. but i didnt realize those were still my barrier unconsciously.
it's actually conscious, but i just never mention to myself or anyone ever, i thought it's not "so important"
anymore. anyway... good to untie the knot. time really changes everything.
and i am already being with honey for 2 years something now. yay... we survive~ haha.
yea... i really love him alot.


i think if... Benny didnt just leave on that day, i would still let go of him somehow. and the thing is...
who cares? it's done and gone. i might think of it once awhile.. it's still part of me, but.... nothing much.
i care about the ones ard me, and the ones who love me, and care about me so much.

it's scary sometimes.. coz i just found out honey really knows me alot... hummmmm yea...
he's the worst, and he's the best ever. it's strange. haha.

>>November 12, 2008 at 4:56:50 PM GMT+8

2008 年 11 月 8 日 星期六 【晴】

hi.

today is sunday... i just wake up after 8 hrs sleep.. my stomach hurt for the whole night actually.
then i woke up and watched tv. took medicine and had breakfast.. then in the late afternoon, i went
out with my parents. then walked back home. i felt exhausted. i took a nap.. got up then had dinner.
i dont really wanna stay home with my family sometimes. it could be stressful sometimes.
but i'm so tired to go anywhere, and tomorrow i will have to go to TST anyway.

i love my family, but i guess it's just normal that i would get sick with my family too. it's like... i'm not the
kid anymore, so... sometimes i would have my own opinion and ways to do things too. it's not always
they should be right then i would be wrong. i dont think so. i m not saying they are wrong as well, we
just have different value on the same thing, why not just respect each others, let it be the way it is.
coz this is the fact, there's no point to argue at all. and i'm gettin sick of listening to mom's complains
about dad. and i'm sick of my dad sometimes too. so.. what's the role i should play at home?

Alesja is finally on line again. she moved. i am glad to be back in contact with her. i miss her.
she wants me to visit her in Germany. and it would be nice if i could. i really wanna visit her as well.
but honestly.. right now.. i dont know where i would be. like... sticking ard HK or... where.
i'm still thinking about different things at the moment. the thing is... even if i wanna leave HK, i dont want
myself doing this only as the escape. HK is still my home town, and i cant just leave like that. i would
leave, i think i would do that.. but dont want it as negative.

okay.. i'm going to the salon tomorrow.. urghh... need to sit at there for at least 5 hrs.. well it used to be
like 8 hrs.. i was like... when can i leave? when can i leave? i just wanna leave... haha. okay. let's see
what would happen tomorrow.

>>November 9, 2008 at 6:04:48 PM GMT+8

2008 年 11 月 7 日 星期五 【晴】

hi there..

i slept very late last night... i woke up a couple times... i got up at 8...
i was so sick this morning. i went to work.. coz i remembered Ella needed me to be at the office before
10. she said she would be back at 9 45. so... i rushed to work.. then... she wasnt there.. so.... yea..
i just fixed the room and moving ard the tables and chairs for her. Carole was curious about that..
anyway,.. dont wanna talk too much about the others behind them.

i called the clinic.. i saw a doctor this afternoon. i cant stand that anymore. i simply cant sleep at all.
then yea.. i met up with Miki and Leggy. then we went to watch "Highschool Musical 3" i didnt go back
to the office. i wanna take today off instead and go do something to make myself happy.
it was kindda fun.. the movie i mean. i like the movie. i think my sis like it more than me though.
then we went home resting.

>>November 8, 2008 at 12:24:06 PM GMT+8

2008 年 11 月 6 日 星期四 【晴】

i'm at the office still.
feeling sick today. i dont think i would be able to make pasta tonight.

reading article... have been reading alot of diff topics regarding psychology.
humm... found something about child abuse and other stuffs.. but this one is about the ways to help
staying happy.

6. Buy some happiness.
Our basic psychological needs include feeling loved, secure, and good at what we do and having a
sense of control. Money doesn’t automatically fill these requirements, but it sure can help. I’ve learned
to look for ways to spend money to stay in closer contact with my family and friends; to promote my
health; to work more efficiently; to eliminate sources of irritation and marital conflict; to support
important causes; and to have enlarging experiences. For example, when my sister got married, I
splurged on a better digital camera. It was expensive, but it gave me a lot of happiness bang for the
buck.

7. Don’t insist on the best.
There are two types of decision makers. Satisficers (yes, satisficers) make a decision once their
criteria are met. When they find the hotel or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re
satisfied. Maximizers want to make the best possible decision. Even if they see a bicycle or a
backpack that meets their requirements, they can’t make a decision until they’ve examined every option.
Satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers expend more time and energy reaching
decisions, and they’re often anxious about their choices. Sometimes good enough is good enough.

alright. brb.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



humm..
i'm very sick.. my nose and my throat.. i feel hot then i feel cold.
i bought pizza home.. we had pizza and movie... "Freaky Friday." it was funny. i enjoyed the movie.
it made me feel young. and yes, i have made an apponitment to do my hair on Mon. i need my hair cut
and dye my hair again. i feel so old everyday and i hate it. i know i'm tired.. and my hair can tell.
i have no energy to do my hair every morning. these days i'm so lazy about my make up and clothes.
i'm so bored with my summer clothes maybe.. all my new clothes are for winter. and HK is so hot still.
and the weather is changing... so cold at the office and so hot outside. then at night we have air con
at home.. but when i wake up mom turned that off. always in hot and cold.. i feel terrible.. my nose..
i keep sneezing with my sore throat..

yea.. i wanna feel young.. i feel like i'm old already... i'm 22... but i dont feel like i m 22. i feel like i'm 26.
what 22 girl should do i wonder... like... go to class, go to movies and parties.. and karoke.. go hanging
around and shopping with friends.. go clubbing maybe.. and take tonz of pics... acting cute infront of
the camera.. and what are you doing Castor? why dont you stay at school with your buddies...
why are you working and studying at the same time? you're always stressing out, always streching
your limit.. always trying to do impossible things. you're not a nerd but a freak. i look at the others..
they are so happy in their graduation.. it's like a really big thing in life.. it's like a BIG thing. but for me..
yea i'm happy.. i'm even more excited since i know i would be the valedictorian. but... it was like... only
within that week when i was informed. now.. nahhhh... college graduation isnt a big thing? i am not
as excited anymore. i dont feel the same. i just worry for the next. thinking about what to do next.
maybe when it comes soon i would be nervous again.. who knows..

i remember... when i was in high school.. everyone would have some friends to hang ard after school.
i would have my friends too, but it depends on.... which school club i was in. i was in this on Mon,
in that on Tue... everyday got something to do... private tutorial classes after school as well. then.. if i
wanna go out with friends.. i gotta be really brave to ask my mom.. and then at night when dad comes
home... mom would ask dad... then they would say no. it's like... i already learn that would be my bad if
i wanna go out. of course i was the good student.. always at the top.. i liked it... and i liked to do my
best always.. but i didnt find.... i was a teen at all. i was always the good kid at home and outside.
so.. that's the "teenager" in Castor myself.. i skipped the whole rebeal stage.

then when i was leaving highschool.. i went to that school to start my college courses at 17.
it was so hard for me. and then... i took a part time job, 2 days a week.. it was tough but... alright.
ppl who worked there were like my age, but still i was one of the youngest but with the highest
education at that time.. that's sad.. coz i was the only one or two going to a college. at the 17 and 18..
i should be going out having fun and studying at the same time. but i was not.

sometimes.. i feel like i have skipped the whole teenage life. just like.. i have never been bad for awhile.
all i did is always striving to do this and that.. doing the best as i could. planing this and that and working
hard on everything. it's actually very tiring. coz.. now i'm 22.. i should be young and beautiful. i should
have that kind of shine. but i feel like i'm some 25 or 26 y.o. woman which i dont wanna be. but ...
everytime when i'm stuck at the office, when i'm dealing with the parents and the teachers.. then..
i just think that.. Cas... you're just... you dont know who you are. ppl say... take things easy. no.. it's
never been easy. the only time i could slow down myself was always the time when i was in Van
studying or resting. that's sad. but i cant just run away. when i put on some younger clothes.. my
sis would ask me why i dress up so young. i was like what? i'm young, i'm 22 only. they would tell me
no.. i dont look young at all.

i'm the oldest at home. i'm not a guy, but i do feel the responsiblity to take care of my sis or... to be the
good model for my sis. and if there's anything happen, i would be the one who gotta stand up for my
family, coz i'm the oldest. and i dont wanna lose face, and dont want my parents lose face.
the thing is... HK is just too competitive. ppl gets jealous easily and they gossip behind. just these two
weeks.. in these two weeks.. i have heard much enough from mom. and the thing is... i really hate to
hear that, but mom is telling me whenever she sees me home. it;s like... i cant stop her coz she needs
a listener, but i'm .... stressed and tired after work.. and i do have my own things on my mind too.
they dont know it.

sometimes i think... i'm only 22... whatelse more you can look for... i'm the fresh grad.. but i dont feel
fresh at all. this is my 4th school after high school. this is my 4th job as well within... 5 years.
i'm so tired. even talking about home stay... when i was a baby and a small kid... i was living in diff
familes untill 6 y.o. and it was like... i wasnt happy at all except only weekends with my parents. and
even i went home when i was 6, i was always necklected. i wasnt happy in primary school as well.
so... what kind of childhood i had actually? what about my teenage? i was enjoying it only in the school
enviornment and maybe some organizations too.. i was good with ppl only coz i was nice and...
supper trusting. ppl tended to protect me lots. but when it came to... other stuffs i was stronger than
them.. so... it's weird for me. i might be the most presentable person, but i also could be the most
boring person since i had no survival skills out of the big bubble. i feel bad for myself. i missed out lots.

i feel bad if i mom is sad.. i want to listen to her but i cant always be here with her. i want to help my
sister on her homework but i have no time for myself as well. i want to make more money but i cant
work elsewhere yet. i wanna go out and play hard. i do need to relax myself but it's just hard here.
and i cant imagine my life would be continouing like this. i'm so freaking scared. it's like everything is
so tensed and i couldnt find ways to relax myself. i need to learn this. i do.

maybe i'm bad at copping stress, but i dont think it's my fault. if you have been trough my life, then you
might be able to understand why i'm always stressed about things or worried for things.

i just want to live happily.. but i find that's even harder to drink the whole glass of milk.
i wouldnt mind if ppl dont understadn me.. but i would want them to respect me and leave me some
personal space and time. and you know what.. it's not that everything could be perfect as you wish.
i need a break. i wanna do silly things, i just wanna play. i need to breakthrough to do whatever i dont
used to do. i just need that experience. i need to know what that is. i need to find those i have missed out.

i think i've written too much today. now it's 2 sth am.. i need to wake up at 8.
Cas... live your life. just live it. it's your life. dont forget to care about yourself more while you are dying
for the others.

>>November 7, 2008 at 6:13:59 PM GMT+8

2008 年 11 月 5 日 星期三 【晴】

Hi.

feeling cold and tired.. so powerless..

i worked today. this morning was quite free. then.. shan gave me a call. we met for lunch.
it was nice to have lunch with her. then yea.. we had Jap noodles.. then chatted.. and back to work.
Carole came back earlier. she told me her son is coming to HK next week. Ella told me her best friend
Sam is coming soon too. okay... hummm Ella was back in the late afternoon.. giving me lots of troubles
as usual.. she's the boss.

i removed the halloween stuffs today. gotta start planning things for christmas actually.

hummi stayed at work untill 8 50 pm.. kindda sick too actually.
then i saw the Candian food festival at Jusco. so.. yea.. i bought lots of food home. i miss the food.
then i took a taxi home. i couldnt walk. i went to bed like before 12 last night.. but still couldnt sleep till
ard 1 am. i dont know. maybe just bad mood or sick.

i saw him on line today. i told him i miss him and ... i was sad.
didnt have time to go into that with him actually. he had to go or something..
Carole was here talking with me about different stuffs. anyway... yea.. tomorrow we might have
lunch together, then she is gonna bring me to a shop. she wants opinion for buying new glasses.

i appreciate the love and concern from my friends.. without them, i dont know how i'm gonna live well
here. i love them too. yea... start planning for school work and christmas now.
okay.. i'm watching Cashere Mafia. nice. i hope to rest well tonight. i need good rest. i need to relax.
i do think about going somewhere to relax myself.

>>November 6, 2008 at 3:31:21 PM GMT+8

2008 年 11 月 4 日 星期二 【晴】

Congradulations to all American and Brack Obama. McCain is fine. i wish him well as well.
then yea... history changes from today. US have the first black American as their Presdent.
congradulations. and i hope we will all have a better world.


i m not feeling well.

i cried last night... for an hour. i wasnt feeling well.
when i woke up this morning, i was so powerless.

i rushed to go.. i went to TST. i went to Marks & Spencer. i bought a necklace, very very very lovely.
it's an eagle which got some crstal on, and with a light blue stone and another silver stone. it is called
"Free Spirit." it's stored in a small box, say... " Let your spirit be free as a bird with amazonite to inspire
confidence and self belief." i love it. then i bought my boots. it's black.. the heel is ard 2 inches high.
it's tall boots, quite high fashion actually. not like the ones are very common everywhere. it's not too
expensive as well. so i really love it. then i bought 2 birthday gifts for Leggy and Shan.

i rushed to meet up with Shan. being her model.. it was kindda the pain in the ass.. but still okay...
we didnt take any pics. i just wanna remove the make up asap.

back home resting.

i was very sad last night. i hope to sleep well tonight. i need to work tomorrow.
you know... i just want him to be near ard. i need to feel close with him. but... the problem is not about
if he is here right now or what. it's that i miss him too much, but i dont know what i can do.
you know... there is something i quite dislike about him, but i still love him..

>>November 5, 2008 at 12:35:32 PM GMT+8

2008 年 11 月 4 日 星期二 【晴】

Hi... now it's actually... on Nov 5, the 1 41 am in the morning.
i just cant sleep like last night.
i read in bed last night.. tonight i watch tv..

this song i would like to put up here.. coz.. i just find this very suitable for me.



So while I'm turning in my sheets And once again I cannot sleep
Walk out the door and up the street Look at the stars beneath my feet
Remember rights that I did wrong So here I go

Hello, hello

There is no place I cannot go
My mind is muddy but My heart is heavy does it show
I lose the track that loses me So here I go

And so I sent some men to fight And one came back at dead of night
Said he'd seen my enemy Said he looked just like me
So I set out to cut myself And here I go

Uhuh uhuh uhuh

I’m not calling for a second chance I'm screaming at the top of my voice
Give me reason, but don’t give me choice Cause I'll just make the same mistake again

And maybe someday we will face And maybe talk but not just speak
Dont buy the promises cause There are no promises I keep
And my reflection troubles me So here I go

I’m not calling for a second chance I’m screaming at the top of my voice
Give me reason, but don’t give me choice Cause I'll just make the same mistake

So while I'm turning in my sheets And once again I cannot sleep
Walk out the door and up the street Look at the stars Look at the stars falling down
And I wonder where did I go wrong?

>>November 4, 2008 at 5:49:16 PM GMT+8

2008 年 11 月 3 日 星期一 【晴】

i m very tired.

i went to school this afternoon.. practice.. then had lunc with Dr. Eicher. he is an interesting person.
he got lots of funny experiences. i like him. then we talked about the US presidential election.
he would vote for McCain. well, he has his points. it is very important if Obama is the absolute socialist.
that could be a problem in future with lots of business men.. i hope he is not gonna increase high taxes
on those rich ppl.. otherwise.. hummmm... it's not very good. i didnt really know McCain has 150 IQ
scores but Obama got like 110 only. hummm yea... Obama presents himself better than McCain, and
i still think he is very intelligent. like what i said.. when i first heard of what McCain said, i quite agree
with him.. but after listening to Obama and make comparision on those, then i think Obama might have
the better qualities to be the President. and the thing is... McCain is very well experienced, and Obama
did nothing in the congress. Pallin is even worse. i think she is pretty and maybe a good politican, but
still too far from being a potential VP. it's nothing much to HK ppl untill one day it is gonna affect our
economics. HK ppl suffers lots from this actually. the poors here are very poor, and the Gov cant do much.
i know they're trying to.. but.. i dont see anything good happening.. or maybe i m not one of those yet.

after lunch i left. i went to TST. i went to Marks & Spencer. i saw lots of christmas stuffs. good.
i was looking for a pair of boots, and i found the nice one today. and then i was looking for some nice
sweater for him. i saw one. and i think it would look good on him. i like it. then yea.. back to Tai Po.

at lunch, Dr. Eicher was kindda funny. the first thing he asked me was about my speech. haha.. he
wasnt sure if i have mentioned "a boyfriend" there. he asked very indirectly... and yea... we talk alot.
it was a very interesting conversation today.

tomorrow i wont go to work but.. helping Shan on her exam, to be her model.. i'm thinking to get the
boots at Marks & Spencer first. i would need to go to TST anyway.
i'm thinking to have a peaceful morning breakfast at Delifrance or McDonald's tomorrow.. or maybe
a nice lunch. i want some peaceful meal.. by myself... kindda relaxing.. seems like i have lots of stuffs
on my mind that i try to shake them off.

you know.. i might actually need a party or something, like one of those could let me forget who i am
for a little while. i wanna go out with my girls, have fun.. but look..
here i'm in HK.. how many friends of mine would go crazy with me like that. and here.. if you go out
at night, esp if you dress up nicely or sexy, ppl would think you're the bad girls. reputation is very
important to girls, and i live with my family, i just cant be bad for a little while. too bad Cas..

i miss him.. i do.. but it's like.. when he's busy with something else or some other ppl, then i would be
necklected.. or i'm thinking too much? i dont know. well.. if he cares, he cares, if he doesnt, then i cant
do much, right?

okay.. here's a question... what is my fav. colour? ppl asked me but.. i dont know what my fav colour
i. i hope someone can tell me this. is that pink or... green? or... brown? or maybe red.

>>November 4, 2008 at 12:29:55 PM GMT+8

2008 年 11 月 3 日 星期一 【晴】

Hi.

i woke up late... but it's okay..
i woke up.. rested and had breakfast... rested... then watched tv..
i took a walk... did some shopping at the suppermarket.

back home watching movie on tv... then.. yea... pretty much what i've done today.
but tomorrow, i'm going to school to practice my speech.

Mandy Moore's Umbrella.

i like this soft version too.. i really like it. it's very gentel.. i like the original song.. and this version is slow
and it's more touching and... have a bit like... the drepressing feelings of autum...

Rihanna- Redemption Song

it's very nice... i quite like it too.

London Bridge

it's kindda gay... i like the heavy music background..

This Love

she isnt performing good enough but not toooooo bad.... i like this girly version too.

i've uploaded some pics on Facebook again.

anyway.. i'm not feeling well maybe coz of the weather changing.. i dont know. not in a good mood..
i just wanna rest well and stay happy. i need some excitment maybe.. i need to relax myself.

Castor... dont think too much.

>>November 3, 2008 at 4:41:31 PM GMT+8