2008 年 9 月 20 日 星期六 【晴】

hi.

yesterday... i worked. saw lots of parents. hummm.. yea.. they're happy to see me back..
so chatted with them a bit. and new teachers came.. 2 male teachers, 1 female teacher.
i think it's okay. Sophia is leaving though. Ella came back for awhile. she made some cake.
i cant eat buttery food.. so.. for cakes.. i'm very careful.. i usually dont eat any cup cakes or muffins.
but the one she made was so cute, so i tried a bit. and it didnt taste too buttery.. so i ate the whole
cup cake. haha.. but after that, i didnt feel like to have lunch, even though it was just a very small
cup cake.. humm i saw how effective butter is to my body.

so.. lunch time.. i just picked up the photo copy, and i bought the crocs.. ha.. the light pink ones..
yea.. back to work. after work. i did some shopping at the supermarket. back home.. having dinner..
watching movie. i slept before 12. i was too sleepy. i'm just really tired. i had 11 hrs sleep last night,
but i'm still very very tired today.

you know.. today mom just told me on the other day... i was still in Van.. they got a family gathering.
that night, many relatives were there, all of them are from my dad's side. i dont really like them, coz
they have lots of gossip, and they are very fake sometimes. so... no... i dont like to attend any events
with them. anyway.. they asked why i didnt go.. then mom told them i went to Vancouver again for
doing some work for dad's boss. they didnt say anything, but then the day after... grandma called
to say like.. we're very rich now, i kept traveling to Canada. i really dislike what she said. and i'm
sure my aunts had something to say behind us. the thing is... why does it matter to you. i know my
status, and i know my family's status. there's none of you business. you rich ppl just leave us alone.
they should remember what they have said to my family in years. how they look down on us,
how they think they're right and so they said so much crap. we're so small, and so we dont have to
report anything to them. i just want them to leave us alone, at least me. leave me alone. i'm not using
their money, i dont need their help. i dont need to and i wont do anything to please them to make them
feel good. or anything in order to make them feel good about me. Forget It.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


i'm still tring to adjust my life here.. coming back to HK.. the weather sucks.. working.. tired...
spending time with my family.. still havent time seeing Shan yet. haha.. guess she must be busy on
her holiday now. good for her. and then.. yea... i tried to look for the "Canadian Dry", the Canada Dry.
but no.. i dont see any here.. sad.. and i miss the Blenz hot dark chocolate, and the dark chocolate
mocha. the Starbucks in Tai Po is like a block away from the office, it's still not opened yet.
but... i doubt that Starbucks would have the dark chocolate things. hummmm.. i went to the drugs store
but... i like London Drugs and Shopper Drugs much more than the Watson or Mannings here. booo..

no more Tim Horton's.. no more McDonald's BLT or bake apple pie.. no more Geleto.. no more 98-B Line.
no more Salad's Loops.. no more 410... no more bubble tea... no more Granville Island.. no more
Steveston Village.. no more Granville and Broadway.. no more Blenz.. no more Canada Dry.. no more
Chapters. no more London Drugs, no more SHopper Drugs, no more The Bay or Sears.
no more Cyn.. no more Lisa, Joy, Louisa, Kiana, no more Kathy, Chu Ka Wai, and Jackson..
no more auntie.. no more fat cat.. and... no more Stephen. but these things and ppl gave me so much
great memorry in Vancouver. without them, Vancouver doesnt mean much to me.

in HK.. i have a lot... i have my family.. i have my best friend Shan, the one i knew since i was 6.
i have my network here since i was born here. i have my friends, my schoolmates.. my stories.

but you know what keep me going back to Vancouver again and again and still i wanna go back there?
it's because of him.. i love Vancouver. i have so many great memorries and great time there. i have
my fav ppl there.. but.. what keeps me going back again and again is him. and so now... when i'm
away, the one i miss the most is him.

my life here is totally different. even though i do the same thing, i go on line, i eat, i watch tv, i read,
i work, i sleep, i exercise, i hang out, i walk, i do whatever.. it's very different. this is not the first time
i come back from Vancouver. everytime i need certain time to adjust myself. maybe... someday i would
be just fine. flying to here, flying to there... no problems. when things go on numb... you cant feel
anything. but this is not what i want. i want my life alive... and coz it's alive.. coz it's mine.. i love my life.
i'm still adjusting.. i'm doing good.. just miss him much... and it's very weird.. what we did was just
normal things.. but.. i just miss him and the time we were together.

>>September 21, 2008 at 10:56:57 AM GMT+8

2008 年 9 月 19 日 星期五 【晴】

humm..

just another working day. i read lots of articles though..
and then.. called school.. they told me i could register now, but then the research will start on Nov 3.
not Oct.. so.. humm.. gotta wait for awhile longer then. they also told me i would recieve the letter
in Oct for my graduation ceremony. so.. yea... =) finally...
my student, Alex 's mom came today.. she wanted me to tutor him again.. i have met 2 new teachers
already.. still have 1 more new teacher i havent met.

after work.. i went to The Body Shop. nice. i bought 8 items, coz it's 20% off, biggest discount twice
a year. 1st time is for my birthday month in June. the 2nd time is to renew my membership by the end
of Sep. so.. yea... hee.. i bought 8 items, but i got another 2 items free basically and still for those 8
items, i paid with 20% off. so... it's kindda cheap. i paid $850, but i got 10 items... including body product
and make up. i got.... the sleeping mist spray, the wake up gel, 1 winter limited edt pink blushes,
1 winter limited edt dual colour eye shadow- dark green, 1 box of 4 colours of eye shadow- blue,
vitamin E facial spray, eye-make up remover, water-proof masscara, lotion base, eye shadow brush.
yea.... i have been tring to find blue eye shadow.. i went to MAC but i kindda found that unnecessary
and a bit expensive. but the Body Shop one is much cheaper and quite nice..

i was happy to get those. met my dad and Miki after that. we bought pizza home.. i am still thinking
to buy the Crocos... light pink.. it's still raining.. and i cant always wear my white sandle now. it would
be broken soon.

anyway... i dont wanna spend too much money on body and face product, but it's much cheapper
now.. and i would buy them in time anyway.. so... yea.. just get them at once but paying less. and you
know.. i feel good to do these for myself.. coz this is at leat something i can do to make myself happy
for awhile. relaxing night with good sleep, and good refreshing morning. then fresh look with more
natural texture make up. vitamin E spraying would keep my skin happy. haha.. so.. yea.. i'm ready to
jump into my bed now..

i do think of him. and i hope that... tonight i can see him.. as i know.. Van is raining now..
for me it's depressing... but dont know if he is enjoying the shower day..

Yesterday - Leona Lewis


>>September 19, 2008 at 4:59:49 PM GMT+8

2008 年 9 月 17 日 星期三 【晴】

"I spend 23 hrs a day wondering whether we're wrong for each other, wondering we have the energy
that we need to get through everything that we seem to get into, wether the baggage we both bring
would sink a small ship, but in the 24th hr i realize i've been thinking about her for 23 hrs, and i come
back to there's something about her that i cant stay away from, something about her that makes me
want to.... love her."- John Carter from ER.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


i woke up very early today.. then i was very hungry. i realize i still have jet lag.
i woke up early.. prepared to work, then left home with mom. we went to the hospital to visit grandpa.
i saw many aunties. hummm they asked about my trip. then i had brekafast with mom.
then i went back to the office.. started working.. it was a bit busy.. coz many parents walk in for
information. the thing is..... hummm.. somehow i see myself handeling things better than before.
then.. yea.. some parent came complaining to me... i actually didnt know what happened in the past
3 weeks. i was in touch with Shan almost everyday.. but i dont know every details. so i was like..
the only information i have were from my log book.. and that was like... so many pages.. and i didnt
read all. i only read the recent pages which is like... from the 16th. so yea.. i sorts of understanding
what she was talking about, but i couldnt do much. then in the afternoon, Ella was back for awhile..
then i discussed with her about the office.. the stuffs.. then we had a meeting.. we talked on things
and.. yea.. at one moment i was wondering she would need to give me a promotion someday...
i think i've been working hard enough, not only me but Shan too. i think we deserve more than that.
some ppl even wait for me to be back to talk with me. teacher has less comapliants now. we're
getting more and more students and classes.. we're back on track. so... yea..

i was a bit angry when i came back from lunch.. she was sitting at my desk.. and then.. we had a long
meeting. then i just realized she signed out my MSN and hotmail during my lunch time. she didnt ask me.
and it's like.. i signed in my hotmail, so.. basically she had full access to any information of my hotmail
account. so.. i just asked her like.. if she saw any mesgs. then she said no. no one was talking to me
that's why she signed out mine and login hers. i wondered she should have told me. how she knew
if i was waiting for someone's reply or i would mind she saw my account. it's just a bit... rude.
so.. we talked for .... 3 hrs.. then.. it was ard 6 when she left.. then i was doing my own thing.
yea.. like this morning, i was not busy all the time.. but whenever someone came in.. or called..

i find that ppl start to recognize me in Tai Po.. sometimes like today when i was out for lunch..
some kids would say hi to me.. but i dont know them. some parents would say hi to me, and i would
say hi and smile. just greeting. it makes me feel shy but.. you know.. i'm happy to say hi to ppl..
speciall the kids.. but then... ha.. it's a bit weird. coz.. after work, i just wanna relax, but you would not
know when you will see some parent or stduent the next conner on the street. so... yea..
probably more and more ppl in Tai Po recognize me and know my surname is Lau.

then after work.. i just went to The Body Shop.. i like there.. i need to renew my vip membership by
the end of this month.. so yea.. i knew there're so many new products. so checking out stuffs.
so cool. there are two new products i am gonna try. one is for better sleep. the other one is for
waking up in the morning. i kindda try it. it was really nice. i think i will get that tomorrow..
then if they are really good.. then i might get that for honey in christmas. and it's like.. i might buy some
new make-up. their make up is not as nice as M.A.C. but i do love Body Shop make up. they are
high quality, cheapper price, better for skin, easlier to use. especially the limited edition... usually have
the unique wonderful colour but still give the natural look. so i really love Body Shop make up, and the
other product. especailly now.. i am just back.. i easily feel bad.. so.. i just wanna pamper myself..
pamper my skin, make nice breakfast, make good morning, work hard, prepare well for my paper,
eat more fruit and vege, relax after work, exercise, make good sleep.. keep missing him. haha.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

if you know how much i miss him... then you could tell how many tears i can fall..
but... if you know me well enough, then you would also know how much i wanna try to be stronger.
if you know how tears taste.. then you can tell me how sour my heart feels.
but then at the same time,.. you would also know how much i want my life to be happy, then ...
you would also know how much i want him to be well and fine.
when i'm counting how many days i've been away.. i wish i could count on... how many days left
untill i will see him again. so.. the days are not getting longer but.. shorter..
and so... when everytime my eyes are wet... i would just tell myself to stay strong... and do whatever
i should do at the moment now untill we will meet again... coz... i hope it could help..
do you know what he's thinking? humm i dont know.. but.. i know he would miss me and we would
meet again soon...... hopefully yes. right?



dont cry Cas.. and i wish him well..

>>September 18, 2008 at 4:56:45 PM GMT+8

2008 年 9 月 16 日 星期二 【晴】

i'm home.

the first thing i did when i was home.. i said.. home sweet home..
i was really tired. then... after dinner, i e-mailed honey.. then unpacked a bit.. then slept.
i woke up ard 8 30 am this morning coz i need to work.

back to the office.. hummm.. Carole was here.
i gave her the Twizzler. she was so happy. then.. yea worked. i saw 16 mesgs on my log book.. boo..
i made coffee.. tidy up the table.. then.. started to read the mesgs.. well.. i saw pages.. but..
Hummm... You Know... Whatever... hahaha. it's okay. i had lunch with my parents.. dim sum.. bleh..
before i left.. Ella was back to the office with her little baby. haha she's so cute... then yea.. chatted
with her for awhile.. catch up with her both on work and personal life.
after work, i went to the hospital with mom. grandpa is gonna have an operation tomorrow.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
anyway... here's the part on the day i left:

honey came pick me up. then.. said bye at the airport.. kissed him...
i still remember the kiss now.. and whenever i think of his kiss, i wanna cry.. i know if i dont stop
myself, then i would start to cry alot..

checking in.. humm it's a bit difficult to carry that paper box actually. whoooooo.. after checked-in..
i just walked around.. and i went in earlier. i didnt wanna be alone walking around. i rather just
go in and sit at the Tim Hortons. and i did. it was very smooth at the custome... coz the staff put me
to the First class line. ha.. so.. it was fast. i dont know why she put me there though.
before that, i was at the foodcourt.. i called Cyn.. then i called Louisa.. then i called Lisa.. and Joy.
i kept my calls short. coz i only got $5 dollars on my balance.. hummm after saying bye to them..
i felt like i'm really leaving. but then the last one i called was Joy. and.. she made me feel better.
Lisa too. i felt better after hearing from her. at least i knew how she's doing, i worry less for her.
then Joy was talking with me. she is always so possitive and supportive to me.

anyway.. yea.. i was at Tim Horton's.. having coffee and maple doughnut. then... yea.. on board..
i still remember i was.. sad... but at the same time.. i was telling myself i would be okay.
i got on board.. put my backpack at the over-head-storage.. then seat.. settled down.. then.. i was
thinking of honey.. finally.. i just sms him last.. to say bye.. and tell him i love him... and.. i was glad
to get his reply.

whooooo... i looked at the outside.. through the window... i was leaving.. then my eyes started to...
mostrislizie.. and...running tears.. then they fell on my face.. i tried to stop it.. then.. yea.. the girl who
seat next to me started to go out and come in.. i was distracted. when the place took off.. i really
thought of honey again.. and.. i thought of his kiss.. and the time we were together.. then i just cried
again.. then.. i fell asleep.

it wasnt a really good flight. the chinese men were very nice.. but.. i would like them to shooooo..
be quiet.. then sometimes the girl was talking to me. she's so bored. but she is hyper. so.. i was like..
i wasnt really in mood to talk. i just wanna rest, and do my own thing. but then maybe it was good
to have some hyper person sitting next to me, so that sometimes when i was awake, someone could
distract me from thinking of him and the others in Van.

then yea.. i worked on my proposal for my final research. it is not necessary.. i still havent confirmed
with school about my application. but.. i just wanna do some prep before seeing Dr. Chan in Oct or
whoever i should talk with. so yea.. using my lap top.. but so bad Air Canada doesnt have the plug for
me. my lap top was low battery.. well.. at least i have written something, really got something started.
and again.. it helps distracting me. i took a few naps on plane.. but.. couldnt sleep well.. back pain.

back to HK.. landing.. saw my parents. everything was okay...
back home.. i just said home sweet home. said hi to my sisters.. then had dinner.. then i e-mailed
honey.. took a shower.. unpacked a bit then slept.

i still havent unpacked everything. i'm just too tired to do so. tomorrow i need to work as well.
things are fine at the office. thanks Shan. thanks for the help and everything. i worked hard..
then.. yea.. today is fine. i do miss him and i do miss the others in Van. so.. on Facebook.. i was
talking with Chu Ka Wai. she's nice. she told me she didnt go to school on the day i left. yea..
i was wondering by the time i left, she should be at school, why she was still on sofa sleeping
over head? anyway.. yea.. i miss my honey so much.. and.. i miss them.. i'm good. but.. yeaaaaa....
last night.. i went to bed.. and i looked at my ring box.. the one with my ring from him.. i just know
that.. i'm not gonna see him as easily again as i was in Van.. you know how it feels? sour.
and my eyes wet.

>>September 17, 2008 at 4:48:56 PM GMT+8

2008 年 9 月 15 日 星期一 【晴】

hummm i'm leaving home in 30 mins.

i have finally done everything.. i mean the packing.. i'm finally done the last part.
i'm really really sleepy.. i woke up like... 7 15... after a long hot shower.. i just fell asleep again..
then i took a 30 mins nap.. then got up and did my last part. hummm i got a paper box.. so.. was
kindda like... puting the tape on.. this and that.. yea.. and gotta wrap up my check in baggage as well.
then checking my passport and HK id card.. my ticket.. my camera... my phone.. my tiny ipod..
everything's done and ready.. then i went down stair to do the dishes... and then came back and
tidy up my bed.. and clean the floor a bit.. got the call from mom... blah blah blah... kept nagging on me..
haha.. and.. yea... i'm happy to see honey again. he's coming to pick me up soon..
he really tries to make it. i mesg him this morning if he's feeling better.. he told me no but he will come
driving me. for me.. it's like.. i concern on him.. so if he's only my friend, i d probably ask him to stay
home in stead... then whatever i will take the bus, even though it's really really painful.. still.. you know..
but then i really want to see him.. and now he tries to make it.. i'm touched. i do appreciate that.

i'm not crying yet.. and i dont know if i would cry.. but after chatting with Louisa last night... i think..
i'll be fine.. like.. i am more confident that i would be fine after back to HK. so.. yea.. thanks her so much.
she didnt say much to me actually.. but the thing is.. i was sharing her problems last night.. and we
have discussion on that.. something was related to psychology too.. then yea.. i feel better after
chatting with her. i hope i could help her.. and i know both she and Cyn would be fine. coz they're
the really strong women i've met. just all my female friends are that strong.. except me.. but then
Louisa told me i am not weak, so never should say myself weak. she said i am just more soft hearted
to ppl and things. hummmm... yea... then we discussed on it. i guess being nice is not weak.. somehow
it makes myself stronger as in i know what is right to do to ppl, what is not, as in.. what i do to ppl
would make them happy and then i would be happy.. i know what i shouldnt do otherwise i would
make others feeling bad.. stuffs like that.. but then it's still about others, not myself.. i am not directly
benefited. ha.. but... i dont know.. i told her i cried a bit.. and i'm afraid.. she said i think too much.
i know.. it's always been my problem.. i always think too much. and then yea... i guess if i am more
confident in myself then i would be fine. but why am i afraid? if i could find out why then i might be
able to fix it. somehow i realize it's since i was a kid when i was away from my parents. it's the
attachment issue back to childhood.. but i shall overcome by now. coz i'm an adult now..
well.. maybe i still have a child living in my heart.. and so.. when i'm happy i laugh out loud.. when i'm
sad i cry hard..

i got mesg on Facebook from Kathy.. i really appreciate that.. i would miss them much.. ppl ask me
when will i come to Van again.. they said i should be back soon. they guess i would be back soon.
i told them i dont know. Louisa said she got the strong feeling that i woulg be back soon..
hummmmmm let's see how things go..

alright.. it's gonna be 10 50.. i gotta bring my baggages down stair and wait for honey now..
Cas.... i know you love him and you will miss him so much for sure.. but remember this...
you're not alone, he'll be always there with you.. that's what he said.

see you in HK again..
bye.

>>September 15, 2008 at 5:49:34 PM GMT+8

2008 年 9 月 14 日 星期日 【晴】

hummmmm..

today.. i woke up by Cyn.. it's lucky that she called.. otherwsie i wouldnt be able to wake up..
so i woke up ard 11.. had been on phone with her.. till i got up ard 11 30..
then i came on line.. and.. yea.. washed up.

i slept at 3 30 am last night.. coz i was packing.. i havent done.. so this morning i stayed home packing..
then eventually Kathy woke up and asked if i wanna have lunch with her. yea... fine.. coz.. i know
honey is not meeting up with me for lunch. or Cyn or Louisa is not gonna meeting me.. so.. yea..
dont wanna be alone. Kathy, me and Chu Ka Wai were having Taiwanese food at Pearl Castle.
i like that place. then.. Kathy drove me to downtown. i didnt really need to go there but i felt like to go..
coz.. i didnt wanna just stay home waiting for honey's mesg or.. waiting for Cyn's call.
so yea.. then........ had been walking ard.. then.. i eventually walked down to English bay.. but..
only half way then i turned back. i was just too lonely.

i got myself hot dark chocolate from Blenz. then.. i bought apple pie and cherry pie form McDonald's.
then i headded back to Richmond. the thing is.. i have been waiting for honey's mesg. so... i was
kindda like dont know what to do at the same time. and i know Cyn was going to have some important
thing to do.. so i was kindda like waiting for her call as well. i thought if she needed me, then i could
go over her place to be with her.. then yea.. i went back home. i was so tired.
i sms honey earlier this morning to see if we're meeting up.. he's been sick.. then.. no.. he doesnt
wanna see a doctor. so i thought he's home resting the whole day.. so i was waiting..
it doesnt really matter to me to just drop by seeing him for a short while. coz.. i'm really really free and
i have nothing to do, seeing him is my first piority. it's not as in... wanna bother a sick person. i know
he should rest. but i'm just leaving tomorrow, that makes me feeling kindda sick. anyway.. i do want
him to have more rest. i really do. but at the same time i just know that i'm gonna miss him so much..
so.. i really wanna see him.. and especially when i know he's sick.. i just wish i could be there to
take care of him and stuff.. but you know.. he probably doesnt need and doesnt want me to be there.
so yea..

i was kindda angry. coz.. he didnt reply me at all. so at night i just sms him and let him know i was
angry. but then.. ard 10.. he eventually replied.. and i finally knew why he didnt sms me or.. what
happened.. so i was a bit worried.. and then.. yea.. i dont know. i hope to see him but... yea.. he needs
rest instead.. and it's kinda late.

so.. i just stayed home.. watching tv.. then Louisa called me.. so i had been on phone with her for a
really long time.. then.. chatting with Chu Ka Wai, auntie and Kathy.. it was nice.. i really like them.
then... yea.. i played with the cat. i like the cat alot.. then.. yea.. i just found out actually Chu Ka Wai
knew Evie. i wish she wouldnt know i know Chu Ka Wai. then she also told me lots of high school
stories happening here.. and i was shring with her about my experience as well. it was kindda cool
talking with her actually. she's actually not a bad person, but she's still young, she shouldnt do so
many things but she did. and.. i hope she would just grow up and stop playing around with her peers.
i like her. she's a nice person. and then Kathy too. i didnt know she left me mesg on Facebook. haha.
i like her. i kindda chatted with her when she was driving me to downtown today. she's really nice
to me. i dont find her bitchy to me at all.. but then she complaint to me about Jackson's girlfriend.
so.. i dont know.. she is really nice to me, like my big sis. i'm so happy to have known her. and then
auntie always bring me dessert at night. i'm so full. ahaha.. and i like aunite too. actually everyone in
this house are very nice to me.. and i really like them after these two weeks. i bought them flowers
and a thankyou card. i wanna thank them so much.. but nothing much i can do.

Louisa was talking on phone with me about some psychology thing and some personality issue.
it was great to talk with her. there're so many inspiration.. and.. yea.. i kindda explaint to her about
what i think and what i see.. so.. yea... it's just hard.


i'm leaving Van again in... ard 8 hrs maybe? leaving home at 11.. now it's... 4 25.. hummm..
then... i really really really hope that i can see honey again before leaving.. but.. if he's very sick..
of course i wouldnt want him to drive me to the airport. so.. i dont know..

Queenie was on line.. and she asked me if i'm excited to be home. i told her no. never be excited to be
home. the thing is... i'm sad to leave Van that's for sure. but i'm warm to be home. i cried today..
i'm affraid. i feel so terrible about leaving the place and ppl i love so much. but at the same time..
i am happy to be home. coz.. i have my family there. so... i also told Louisa.. i'm kindda confused about
where i belong to. coz.. i do love Vancouver.. and i do like Hong Kong at the same time.
and when i wonder what i'm gonna do in my future after grad, i just dont know.

tomorrow... i hope i can see him again.. but.. not sure if he can make it..
the happiest time is to be with him.. then saddest time is to leave him..
dont ask me why.. i know it sounds so... emotional and it sounds a bit obessive for girls to care guys
that much. but you know.. when you really care about that person so much, when you love him so
much.. sometimes you wonder if you love that person more than yourself. and when you have to
leave.. you just become afraid and weak. it's not like.. being afraid to lose him.. but.. you dont know
for sure when you're coming back or when to see each others again. this kind of uncertainties are
just killing me.

anyway.. i need to sleep first.. my eyes are closing..
4 33 am..

>>September 15, 2008 at 11:33:10 AM GMT+8

2008 年 9 月 13 日 星期六 【晴】

humm today...

i got up ard 7 30.. then met up with Hailey at the McDonald's on Broadway at 9 sth am..
then we had breakfast, my fav. BLT with coffee.. then we walked down to Granville Island..
it was a beautiful sunny day.. so.. yea.. and then we spent the morning there. it was great.
she was okay. we took a few pics. then.. we went downtown.. then i showed her the library..
the thing is... hummm weird thing happened again. we were walking on the Hilmanton street right
in front of the Postal Canada building... one car pulled over and the man inside asking "excuses me."
so.. i walked front and yes? i thought he might need some direction help.. then.. the first thing he said
was... "what's your nationaity?" i was like.. "huh?" then he said.."where are you from?" i told him i am
from HK. then he said like.. he is from Italy.. if i have been to Italy before. he said Italian culture is similar
to HK culture.. i was like.. huh...? i told him no.. he asked if i have italian food before.. i told him unfortunately
no. then he said he could leave me his number and i could call him for coffee someday. i started
laughing. i was smiling at 1st, i was being polite. but yea... then he asked if i am single coz he's single.
i told him no. he asked if my boyfrined is here or home. i told him here. then yea.. he said oh okay.
then i said yea, have a nice day, bye. then i walked away. it's like... what?! ppl would do that on the
street? i find it so funny. i d never been in this kind of situation in HK before.. and i'm really honest that
this is not the first time.. coz.. this afternoon inside the Richmond Center.. some guy passed by and
just saying hi to me and smiled. this is not the first time. and i wonder... what's wrong with me?
i dont do anything speical. i walk like other normal ppl. i wear clothes. i dont do anything weird. but
why give me this kind of attention? i'm sure there're so many hot girls out there. i'm not that hot
comepared to so many canadian girls here. i know i'm beautiful but dont look at me this way.

anyway.. yea.. hummm i was at the Chapters downtown.. taling on phone with Cyn..
humm it's okay... i'm happy to chat with her... we dont talk much.. but just for killing time..
it's always better to have someone nearby or... say.. "on line" with me when i'm about to go.
that makes me feel less sad. coz the whole afternoon i was alone... then.. yea.. it's good to have
some personal time to slow down a bit.. to relax and rest.. but then the feeling of leaving is not good..
and.. it seems like there're always something i wanna do before i go but it's also always running out
of time. is that coz of... being young? like... if i get older, would i be the same? always wanna do more
and more.. always want more and more...

back to Richmond.. i had been wondering how's honey today. i wondered if i could bring him some
real ginger tea or just simply checking on him. but.. i know some ppl dont like that.. so.. i asked before
i really got on the bus. and i didnt go in the end. so... i headded home.. then i took a walk at Richmond
Center.. i went to Shopper Drugs to get a card.. and then i bought a coffee mug for Shan from The
Second Cup. hummm.. i wanted to go to Steveston.. but it was a bit late to go.. i wonder if the shops
would be closing when i got there. so.. no.. i didnt go. then.. yea.. "being met" by a couple guys..
which made me feel like... something's wrong with me. then.. yea.. i walked to Lansdowne too..
i went to London Drugs to look for chips but they dont have the one i want. then i walked to Save on
Food.. finally saw the chips i want.. so yea.. then i just walked home.. back home i was lying on my
bed.. was thinking about how beautiful the sky was just now.. got the blue and purple.. and a bit
orange as well.. and i saw the moon. yea. it's really round. "happy moon festival." haha..
but i didnt see the rabbit though.. anyway.. back home saw Kathy home.. i was lucky coz i forgot my
key.. then.. i was lying on my bed.. thinking about my baggage.. resting.. then come on line..
chatting with Miki.. then... hummmm aunt's home. she asked me to go down stair to have soup and
moon cake.. so yea.. i just seat at the living room with auntie, Kathy and my newest cousin. it was
okay.. we watched tv and chatted.. i like them.

so yea... Kathy said.. if i dont have anyone to go out have lunch with, then she can have lunch with me.
for me.. i dont know. i really need to start packing tonight. i know im not gonna be alright to pack things
in 1 day. it's just too difficult for me.. it's like if i pack up for vacation is fine. but packing to end my
vacation, it takes longer than ever. and so last time Kiana stayed helping me to pack.. coz.. she's so
good at it and i suck. hahaha.. it's a bit different from last year.. these 2 times this year are a bit differnt.
i feel like i'm really staying here, like living at home with a family. so.. it's even harder to pack up and
leave. last year was difficult too. i was crying when i packed.. i doubt if Stephen saw it..

tomorrow.. i dont really wanna go out have lunch with Kathy. she's nice. but... i just wonder if i can
see my friends or see honey instead. i will see Kathy at home at night anyway. so yea.. these 2 weeks
have been very relaxing and cool.. coz i walked around and... i met lots of relatives that i dont know
at all.. and then yea.. knowing how much ppl like me.. and yea.. seeing and feeling so many new
stuffs in my life.. everything just seems big and sudden to me. i enjoy my every moment here
even though sometimes it shocks me alot.. but still...... if.. if you get what i mean then you would
understand how i feel. am i being silly now? how would ppl understand how exactly i feel.. and i'm
not telling ppl how i feel inside right? so yea.. it's just... the very special feelings. i seem finding
something changed about myself.. and.. it seems so possitive. and it's... a bit... mystrious.. i cant tell
what it is. but just... the power... the power of myself. not like the control.. but.. i feel so real about
myself.. would this feelings changed when i go back to HK? the env would be changed so differently.
and then.. the ppl i see here wont be there.. and then... i dont know where i belong to. well.. just...
embrace myself i guess. Castor.. dont cry. do not cry.

sometimes i feel like i'm still like a kid. coz i am so easily touched and easily falling tears.. i smile and
laugh loudly.. i'm afraid of leaving.. afraid of lonliness.. tell me that i'm not alone plz... sometimes i feel
like to say.. please tell me everything's gonna be fine. Cas.. if you can handel well your work, your
study.. and your friends and family.. then.. you should be able to handel yourself. coz you gotta trust
into yourself that you can do that. you can make it. and you always did. so... dont be afraid..






>>September 14, 2008 at 8:56:30 AM GMT+8

2008 年 9 月 12 日 星期五 【晴】

hummm..

i'm leaving so soon.. i doubt i would be smiling when i leave..

i woke up with a bad mood.. then... i kindda rushed to get out from the house.. i went to Richmond
Center.. i went to Tim Horton's to get my late breakfast.. i got blue berry bagle and apple juice.
then i was thinking if i should buy some hot chocolate powder to the office for Shan.
then i ran to the Shopper Drug.. coz i need to buy a big box. the thing is... i have checked my baggage.
i know i'm not gonna be able to put everything in my check in baggage.. so i will check in another box
instead of too much hand carry baggage. after that.. kindda rushed back home.. then.. put down the
stuffs and rested a bit then.. i wrote the card for honey.. hee.. yea... i bought an iTune gift card for
him.. i know he's the big fan of it.. but i'm not gonna be able to buy him the iPhone or anything..
so.. i have been thinking to buy games or other fun stuffs.. but then.. yea.. why not just a gift card
that he might use it for movie or music... it seems better.. it's not so cool but.. i feel so special to..
you know.. i feel warm to have chosen this gift card and this year is very special.. coz i can hand in
the card to his hands instead of by post.. i feel warm..

it was funny.. coz.. i am in a bad mood today.. i am nervous since i wake up.. like... it's nothing i wanna
talk about with anyone except myself and him. so.. yeaaaa.. i met him.. and it was nice. i dont know..
hahaha.. i dont understand why it was nice but i was happy. that's the thing. i dont knwo why i am
happy but i am happy. and i feel like time flies when i'm with him. anyway.. i still remember his smile.
hummmmm.. i was joking with him the red envelope which my card is in that is a wedding party
invitation. hahaha.. i remember his face... then.. yea.. he's cute. then.. he read it.. and i was shy..
embarassed to watch him reading but at the same time i'm happy to do so, coz.. you know.. how often
i see him reading my post? no. i was in HK. so.. yea... hummm..

then.. we had dinner in the car. haha.. i enjoy it. i'm so weird, am i? yea.. my first experience to go into
the suppermarket with the exciting feeling but shy. haha.. so yea.. i remember last year in the Save On
Food i did buy something, and... it was kindda embarassing coz.. haha.. yea.. yea.. yea...
so.. yea.. haha..

humm i had a great time. i laughed alot. some movie shows were hilarious.. so funny.. and yea...
poor someone felt sick.. but still need to drive me home.. ha.. i actually feel very sweet.
so humm i needed him to mesg me when he's home.

then.. tomorrow... i need to wake up in the early morning.. then i need to go seeing Hailey..
i need to pick up some doc from her then bring back to HK. then i would bring her to Granville Island.
hee. then.. yea.. i'm gonna buy some fresh fruits there.. some for auntie, some for honey.
maybe banana, cherry, blue berry, and difinitely need to buy some ginger and the Chinese yellow sugar.

anyway.. hummm i'm leaving so soon..
before i go.. i wanna go to Steveston Village to buy a cup for Shan.. and then... yea.. wanna walk ard
there again. i like there. and then.. i dont know.. i wanna see Lisa and Joy before i go but i dont know
if it would be possible though.. then yea.. i hope to meet up with Cyn and Louisa... but......... i really
dont have much time. i still havent started packing.. and.. yea........................ i wanna stay with honey
but... he might be busy.. so... i dont know.. see how things go...

hummm yea... it's been two years since i met him.. in these two years.. i really learnt alot... i grow up
alot alot.. 2 years ago when i was back to Van in summer.. i was still a very very innocent girl who
just got back to my 2nd year of college.. and then... i cleared up with the bastard Benny Chew and
of course kicked Henry's ass as well.. then i got fired right after back to HK.. and i was employed by
Ella at the same time.. then yea.. then Stephen and i started at the same time. pretty much changes
at that time.. and everything was so intense.. then.. yea.. i remember how many break ups we had..
and how crazy we were.. and the engagement ring and stuffs.. ha... so yea.. 2 years past so fast..
i'm preparing to graduate now.. so.. i'm also thinking about job and stuffs.. i dont know... but i think i
will try my way out. i'm glad.. i'm really glad about what we have been through together and we still
love each others. =)

>>September 13, 2008 at 9:45:42 AM GMT+8

2008 年 9 月 11 日 星期四 【晴】

Today...
i woke up, then i rushed to go downtown.
i picked up some flowers on Granville and Broadway.. then i met up with Cyn.
haha yea.. eventually brought her some flowers.. i was so happy to carry those lovely daise.
i was so happy.. keep smiling... bleh bleh bleh~~ hahaha.. then yea.. met her for lunch..
didnt really eat much.. then afterward, i went back to Broadway to meet up with Jennefer and her
lovely Sophie. she's soooooooooo cute! so smart as well. i adore her so much. it's like.. 3 years havent
seen Jennefer since i left VPC. and she's no longer teaching there anymore. i miss her class. it wasnt
an easy course for me, coz it's all new and fresh to me. it's the entry college level of hospitality class.
she gave quizes every lesson, and 4 mid terms.. one final project.. and everytime she gave tasks to
finish as the classwork that we need to pair up in class and do lots of discussion and presentation.
she's very on time, and she requires us to shake hands everytime walking out the classroom after
dismissed. coz she said we should start to practice this simple thing, as the manner we need for
working in a hotel soon. she taught us lots of stuff excluded from the textbook. so it was kindda cool.

anyway.. yea.. then i went back down town.. walking around. eventually chose a pair of earrings for
mom. and then.. yea.. just kept walking with my coffee.. then... met up with Cyn again. i made new
friends today. i eventually met Danielle.. haha.. she's nice.. then she brought her friend Den.

humm at first i found him kindda boring.. but then.. we started to talk a bit more.. then he is actually
quite knowledgable.. as in... he study alot about history and sociology even though his major was
computer science. then we talked alot about languages and cultures.. some interesting movies and
tv shows. it was an interesting conversation. we discussed a bit on political stuffs.. it's like..
he wouldnt be the kind of "funny" guy, but he's definitely intellegent and got lots of interesting stories
to share with. he's not good looking, and he looks very nervous.. but then when he relaxed and talked
about cartoon and tv stuffs, he is more approchable. i dont think Dennielle likes him.. and i know Cyn
doesnt like him. hahaha.. but as a friend or buddy, he's not bad.. he might look a bit weird.. but..
well.. here's Canada.. and if it's just a friend.. why not make friends with intellegent ppl who is smart,
who got brain, and who can share interesting experience and opinion... i like to make friends with ppl
who are not just "funny," but when they talk, they have points and unique perspective, and they stand
for themselves. as a friend or whatever, beside being nice and real, i find smart and intellegent ppl
more attractive. it's like you might have a pretty face and nice character.. but.. personalty is like something
more inner and unqiue, and it's also reflected by "who you really are inside." so... yea... after dinner,
i was waiting for the bus with Cyn. we kindda talk about that.. hummm i think i'm not just being too nice
to make friends with no standard. it's just that i do appreciate and respect ppl who have brain more
than for those only wanna hang out for "fun time." absolutely fine with me to just have some fun time..
i can go cazy and being silly all night. but if you ask me which one i enjoy more.. i will choose
something more acknowledgable as in more meaningful... Cyn told me like once you have experienced
one thing, then you wouldnt need new friend to tell you about that one thing. for me it's like... how you
experienced it is totally different from the others or it could be the same. i like to share experiences
with ppl, i just simply like to share.. like experiences, food, flowers, fun, pic, everything. i dont do it too
much, but i just like to share. specailly while i share, i feel like i actually gain more than the part i share.
and i learn more in my life. it's intereaction with different ppl. so yea.. if i would choose, i would choose
to hang out with this Den rather than hanging out with Ben or Jeremy. but by the way.. Den isnt my
type. He could be a nice boyfriend, but... hummm... nooooo.... it's way too far..
Stephen is still safe =) Stephen is not perfect.. but yea.. he's safe. hahaha..

and the thing is... i have stopped making new frineds on line. usually ppl adding me on MSN are the
ppl i knew in real life. usually are some old schoolmates or whoever i have met before. and then..
yea.. i do ignore ppl i dont know. i dont just ignore them.. i usually would ask if i have met them before.
if they replied yes, then i would think about that. if they realized that's not, then i would say sorry
i dont know you. enjoy and have a nice day. i havent met ppl on line since ages.. but then last year
i did accept ppl adding me randomly, coz i was in a very unstable period that i need whoever to
keep my mind off from the break up and helped me to stay focus on my paper and exams.. it lasted
for... a month or a few weeks.. then i got back with Stephen then i have totally blocked those ppl.
it was a bit difficult for me.. coz some ppl they were actually nice to me. anyway i dont want them
to waste time on me, so i have told them to leave me alone at the end.. then.. i blocked them..

on my Facebook.. those new HK friends are real old schoolmates or just happened like some other
"Castor" in HK that have the same name i find fun with. for those overseas ppl on my Facebook..
they are somehow related to my schools and research paper or Psych. so it's networking. i wonder if my
friends really think that i like to make friends on line randomly. it's like.. omg. i havent done that in ages.
and even i did few years ago, i didnt make it so random as well. the "on line friends that i had" were all
somehow related to my school trips before. so.. it's not that random at all. for those who added me
totally in random, I DONT FREAKING TALK WITH THEM at all. the only person that i met on line 2 years
ago and still in closely contact with me is my Stephen.

anyway.. back home.. than chatting with aunt and my newest cousin. she's so young and super
funny as in.... a bad naugthy kid. she has terrible experience as a bad kid in HK. i kept laughing coz i
found her way telling me was kindda funny.. but i totally understand how bad situation she has been
through. it's like if i were in her family, i would have been so worried for her. she's generally nice..
and i think when she grows up, she would stop doing stupid thing. she's still a kid.

i'm leaving next Mon.. i wanted to cry when i was on the bus today.. i asked myself if i'm ready to be
back home in HK.. i remembered i usually said no. but then this time i told myself that... actually there's
no such thing. like... it's not like i am ready or not. it just happens like.. i have to be okay to be home.
and i know i will be okay with that. i would be happy home again. i would engage to my study and work
again untill i get them done. i know i would never be able to be "ready," but i will be okay. it's not like..
very relectantly... somehow i realize how much i'm gonna miss the happy time here, how much i will
miss Stephen afterward.. i know these all.. but.. you know... when you have to go, you just have to
go. it's like when i come.. i wasnt ready to come back to Van this time, but here i came.. so now..
here i go.

i will mis him sooooooooooooo much.. soo much.. i will miss my life here soo much as well..
but... you know.. see how things go. things dont depend on me oneself.

>>September 12, 2008 at 8:39:51 AM GMT+8

2008 年 9 月 10 日 星期三 【晴】

i woke up ard 10, then i went out with auntie...
we met some other aunties and uncles.. then.. had dim sum.. it was quite funny to sit there listening to
their stories. and then.. yea.. auntie needs to buy something.. so we hang ard Lansdowne.
then... back home resting.. and sitting up some stuffs.. then we went out for dinner.
we had Korean food.. and then we had dessert. it was so funny. we laughed alot.. coz.. my cousins
are so crazy. and yea.. i simply just laughed alot. it was great. thanks..
and then.. yea.. just great. i like them. i will miss them =)

Cyn mesged me, Louisa and her wanna meet up for dinner on Fri. then Hilary wanna meet me on Sat.
Jennefer wanna meet me tomorrow.. then.. Ben wanna meet me on Sun... and i still wanna meet
Lisa and Joy and Kiana.. and then most importantly i wanna meet my dear honey. yes, my dear honey.
so what am i gonna do? i think Jennefer meeting up tomorrow is fine. i wanna hang out with Hailey
too.. but it's on Sat.. probably meeting up with Cyn and Louisa is fine on the Fri night.. but then again
is... omg, it's my final days.. i hope i can have some personal time with my HONEY. hahahaha..
so yea... i dont know.. what Stephen's up to this weekend. and i think he might have plans for us..
i hope i can just meet all my friends on one day, like maybe just hosting a party or a get-together dinner.
so that i can see all my friends at once or twice, and then i can still spend time with my honey..

so funny with Ben.. he's so interested about Stephen. he was asking a lot of questions about me and
him.. like how we met.. how old is he, what he does.. blah blah.. if he's just chinese or white or what..
he asked about his school, his career, how he's treating me so far, how long we've been together..
he's interested in detials not just asking for good.
then it's like.. if it's a girl-girl conversation, i totally understand. so what now. he's interested in me
before, even being tipsy to me, and now he's interested in my boyfriend too.

>>September 11, 2008 at 7:14:16 AM GMT+8