2008 年 8 月 4 日 星期一 【晴】

hello.

it was a very hard morning. coz.. the HKCEE result was released..
hummm i wasnt very nervous, it's Miki's result.. but i'm sad coz i saw her crying and so dissappointed.
when we were waiting for the announcement, i saw her so helpless.. it's like she is very very
dissapointed about the result, and.. dont know if she would be amitted to the A-Level. many other
reasons. so i was there, seeing her so sad and helpless... i was trying to listen to her and comfort her.
being there with her... was the only thing i can do... just by sitting with her and let her know that...
i'll be there with her, and... yea... we should do what we should do first. i was helpless when i saw
her crying and being helpless..
anyway.. good enough, lucky enough that she can go to A-Level in the same school. i was so happy
and so proud of her. coz.. it's not easy, and she made it =)

back home... i took a nap... i was more like faint on the chair.. i woke up like 6 sth am this morning..
then yea.. i left the lap top on but i faint on the chair.. then when i got up it was like... 2 hrs later..
then i walked back to the office and had a small meeting with Shan and did some work.
hummm.. back home.. feeling so dead. so exhusted.

got headache..

>>August 4, 2008 at 5:17:32 PM GMT+8

2008 年 8 月 2 日 星期六 【晴】

very very very tired..

i woke up ard 10 sth am.. so sleepy..
then rushed to go meeting up my family and grandparents..
had dim sum with them, then i met Shan..

we went to TST.. humm did a bit shopping. happy. we had coffee and food..
i bought some new eyeshadow hee the summer limited edition, and the lipstick too, both from M.A.C my fav brand.
and i bought a case to file my schedule book from City Super.. then i bought a vcd from HMV. cheap.
then back home resting having dinner..

tmr.. Miki's HKCEE result would be released.. i'm a bit nervous for her.
i wish her all the best. i would accompany her anyway. then i would be back to the office to do some
work.. busy busy week.

i saw Stephen on line today.. hoped to chat with him and send him the files.. but.. we were both busy..
so.. hope to see him soon again. i miss him much..
these days.. seeing lots of white ppl in HK... hummm.. then i would think of him.. humm...

somehow i understand what my friends say.. especailly when i see my friends and their guys are so
sweet.. then .. i'm alone... then... it makes me missing him more.. i'm still very young, of course now it's
the time for advanture and fun.. like.. i just love interesting things and wanna try out different things...
i'm always curious anyway, so ... my age now it's definitely my time to go explore and find the fun,
and love feelings, or romance right? then Stephen is not here, and i'm not there. even when i was
there, he was so busy.. and then... he's not like me.. so i couldnt expect too much from him... so...
i dont know... like in HK.. i'm so busy as well. i doubt if i am actually busier than him here. so....
i can understand but i really dont think it's supposed to be some good reason to be lazy in a relationship.
i might sound complaining now.. no i dont mean that.. but just say... i wish we can spend more time together.

i dont need a super romantic guy, i cant stand that. but definitely someone caring about me or at least
sensitive, and always open to me. it's not an easy thing i guess. it's not only about me. it's two person.
when i tell my friends that i miss Stephen, then my friends would joke with me that... hey go get one
in HK, then you dont need to miss someone so much. hummm yea right but it doesnt mean i wanna get
myself in troubles with guysss. and... i just cant do that. no one should do that to their loved one.
i think it would hurt not only my boyfriend but myself as well.

>>August 3, 2008 at 5:29:01 PM GMT+8

2008 年 8 月 1 日 星期五 【晴】

hello.

last night... i didnt sleep well.
i woke up at 8 30.. then same same.. made breakfast then worked.
it was kindda... crazy. handeling some problems with the teachers' schedule..

basically... well.. nothing much i can do.. i was just trying to minimize the effect and ... trying to make
her feel better i guess. it wasnt my idea at first, so.. i was like.. in the middle.
Ella has this idea and wants it work.. and at the same time the teacher finds it so harsh and compliant
to me, blaming "me." what am i supposed to do actually? sigh. well, i just called Ella and reported to her
such emergency that the teacher cant go on, and so we made some arrangement. i'm on the teacher's
side eventhough my position is at Ella's side. i think... well this is not the first time and... everytime
Ella would just tell me, just try it first, tell the parents this, tell the teacher that. oh fuck.

anyway, i gave my opinion, if she doesnt listen then fine.
go do what you want.. and i wont be suprised with the outcome.
it's not my own work, it's... all of us.. and i just hope that she knows it and think twice before every
quick decisions. coz it's like... she's always taking risk.. and when things go wrong.. i feel so bad.
everyone is affected by her. her clients-the students and parents, and her staffs who have been
working so hard for her business. business is not only about money. if so, it's so sad. coz she doesnt
even know what she's doing. she doesnt know at all.

i feel so tired sometimes.. coz it's like... when any teacher complains to me, i was like... I REALLY
UNDERSTAND what you mean and how you feel, BUT what i'm explaining to you now is just exactly
what my boss wants to say. so.. i'm so outta it and have no control. the only thing i can do is to talk
with her, and figure out new ways for you. that's all i can and i will do for you definitely.
if you need anything just let me know.
it's like... i already expected the teachers or parents would complain, but there's nothing much i can
do, coz i'm not the one who made the decision, i just work for her only. and if there's anything i can
do to make things better i swear i did already. i have told her that could happen, and she doesnt think
it matters and always got some excuses to back up, then what can i do? just watch it happen.
i think being a boss is really different with.... being a staff.
and it's like.. facing different parents and teachers... and the boss... are just... hard.

i talked with Joey today and earlier on. yes.. the Joey that i used to dislike so much coz she stepped
on me. i saw her Facebook. she is having some hard time in Van with her hostfamily. i just talked
with her on MSN.. see how she's doing. i knew it.. i knew i'm no longer angry at her anymore..
but i just really hate ppl lying or making story about me behind... especailly if do treat them as my friends.
anyway.. i wish her well.


and Stephen too... i wannt send him some pictures and stuffs..
i talked with him today... it's nice to see him on line.. i miss him.

then... tomorrow.. i am supposed to go out with Shan.. i havent called her to confirm the time yet..
on Mon.. i would need to go back to the office to have a meeting with Shan, and then work on my
decoration thing.. then fixing the schedule for Sep. i gotta start it right now. cant let the parents wait.

bad news with Alesja.. i wish her well.. i got nothing much to say.. i just hope that i could be there
for her.. it's just... very sad.. she's always strong.. but.. i guess the strongest person would still
have some hard time and being weak sometimes.. coz.. we're all human. we're not animals.
even animals have feelings.. it's just... i'm so sorry for her.


"Always Where I Need To Be" The Kooks


>>August 3, 2008 at 3:16:41 AM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 31 日 星期四 【晴】

tired

working. helping cookery class. silly. busy.
Carole brought me some flowers. thanks =)

back home, that's only me here tonight. so relaxing but too bad tomorrow still need to work.
did some computer stuffs. late now 2 am..
going to bed.

>>August 1, 2008 at 6:00:30 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 30 日 星期三 【晴】

sick. busy. tired.

i couldnt get up this morning, but.. yea.. i still had time to rush my breakfast home.
i took a taxi, i wasnt feeling well.

back to the office, same same started working at 9 50.
kept doing prep and then.. made 3 decoration design..
then went out shopping for colour paper. then came back being so busy..
it wasnt really really busy at the office, coz we dont have as much classes today, and so i gotta
take this chance to do my art craft.. humm i finished two of them.. so.. one more for another day then.
hummm.. yea.. i stood all day, making this making that.. for the whole afternoon... 6 hrs maybe? yea..
more than that actually? yea.. more.. i just stood all day, going here and there, doing craft and putting
them on wall.. still need to work on that actually. my back was aching.. then Ella came..
so.. disscussed some stuffs with her, and then making the payroll.. then we shopped some materials
for the cookery class tomorrow.. tidy up a bit.. then i left ard 9pm.
crazy.

i'm happy to see honey today. well.. thanks for listening to me.

i didnt have coffee today, but green tea.. i was wondering to detox a bit.. ha...
i didnt exercise last night.. i just .. too tired.. so.. i stayed in bed tried to read.. then i fell asleep.
anyway.. yea.. very tired.. but i'm okay...

i miss him.. you know.. at the supermarket today while shopping stuffs for the cookery class..
i saw the winnie the pooh microwave box. i bought one for him hee. actually i'm not so sure if he
really likes winnie the pooh.. but as i remembered.. last year.. he told me once.. so.. i think...
even though he doesnt love winnie the pooh so badly, still wouldnt dislike having a cute winnie the
pooh microwave box, right? haha.. i'm gonna post him. ha..

omg i'm so tired.. i hope i can just sleep, skipping dinner tonight but i couldnt.
my neck hurts..

>>July 31, 2008 at 3:54:26 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 29 日 星期二 【晴】

hello.

i woke up ard 8 30 this morning.. had breakfast with soya milk..
checking mails then back to work..
same same.. preparing stuffs.. busy busy.. but still okay... then i had my coffee.
i just couldnt wake up this morning.. so terrible..

then lunch time i met Shan for lunch, discussed about a bit of work, the coming plan i got on my mind.
gotta start preparing for Sep actually. the schedule would be changing again due to different reasons..
so.. we gotta start doing other work.. and like.. i'm trying to minimize the risks and potential problems..
trying to prevent some terrible situations. and then recently, i'm dealing with some Gov stuff at work..
and other doc.. so.. yea.. it would be busy at work.. i m not too worried, as long as Ella's not messing
things up, then i can just plan stuffs and follow well without too much complication. Ella's on her leave
now.. but then she still comes everyday i guess. but now, i dont ask her everything before making
decision. i would just do more then report her in stead. it's easlier.

late afternoon... there was a kid crying, didnt wanna go into the classroom..
his mom just left him with us.. then i was with him in another room. trying to soothe him and calm him
down. he's just 3 sth.. a baby kid.. it could be the class too difficult for him, coz.. he doesnt even start
writing yet.. and he doesnt know his new teacher much right? so.. yea.. he stopped crying.. i was
holding him and ensured him his mom is definitely coming back in an hour to pick him up. i asked him
questions.. if he s happy to go to school, if he likes playing with other kids, if the teacher likes him at
school, if he likes candy.. what's his fav toy and colour... then i explaint to him his friends are waiting
for him in class.. if he doesnt go in, then they cant play with him. coz.. i seat him into another classroom
with me.. then we walked to the classroom, when i tried to open the room and get him in, then he just
refused to walk in and wanted to cry again. our door got glasses so that ppl can watch from outside..
he was crying for mommy.. then i just said to him... i promised him that mommy is coming back to pick
him up, but he has to sit with me outside the classroom and watching his frineds and teacher having
lesson. i would be there with him untill his mom coming back. then he was okay. hummm.. usually..
the kids are fine crying in the class for ard at most 10 mins, then they would engage to the lesson..
but this kid just refused to walk in and ran off the room. so.. i talked with his mom afterward..
and honestly id never met this issue before, coz they were new when i was still on my vacation.
he was ok last week. so.. yea.. talked with his mom a bit.. understanding some sorts of background..

and then.. humm.. i know it's something about the attachment issue. i couldnt just lock him in the classroom
to clam him down, coz it's too unhealthy for the kid development.i couldnt just force him staying in
class, coz that's gonna influence other kids learning, and chances are they could be crying too.
if he feels insecure and we still force him to do something he doesnt want to, then he is gonna develope
some negative feelings and mistrust to others in any unfamilar situations.. and for long term, he would
probably have more emotional difficulties in future. the insecurity would affect him a lot as in...
the behavior. kids misbehave... that could be many reasons behind.. one of the most powerful
influences is the insecurity. so.. when he was crying like that.. the first thing i did was not scolding
him or blaming him, but holding him and calim him.. then try to understand what's going on..
he's a difficult kid anyway. coz after his mom came.. he turned to be super hyper. i'm not very well
experienced.. he's probably the second or third difficult kid i have tried to handel.. so... i dont know..
when i was in class, learning child development and all those theories.. i understood all those..
but when it comes to application, it's complicated, and has to be cautious. coz it's humanlity and..
i guess.. the ppl who work in child feild, and educated in child psychology is expected to be a little bit
more professional? humm i hope to get more education on that.. i mean as in the training to be a
professional teacher or psychologist..

after all, Ella's back.. then we got some small meeting to discuss on work stuffs..
then we left together with Carole. i think Ella trusts her much, it's good but it's just a bit too fast.
she is taking risk now. but i dont know if i should tell her right at the moment, and the thing is.. Shan
shares the same feelings with me too. i dont know.. i like carole but... at the same time i cant trust
her 100%, coz of my position at work i guess? it takes me some time to trust someone at work or
about study such things.

actually.... after work.. i just wanna make sure myself is done about work.. i just wanna rest and relax.
and i hope that i can spend my night with the ppl i care so much but not some workmates..

i miss Stephen..

then last night i read but i didnt exercise. i was just too tired..
tonight is the same.. very tired.. and i am a bit sick.. i hope to exercise before sleep.

>>July 30, 2008 at 3:33:40 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 28 日 星期一 【晴】

hi.

work today. busy.

i bought some bread on the way to the office. i walked.. it's super hot..
then.. i wanna have my coffee before starting my day at work. i didnt eat breakfast at home.
but i couldnt have a min off till almost 12 noon from 10 30. it's like.. just a sip of coffee.. no chance.

got prepared stuffs for the morning classes, then the teachers came.. and stduents..
then parents complain to me about the changes.. and i apologized and i thought they were informed.
but then nope... and it's about the health issue that the teacher has to cut down classes.. so..
we had been trying so hard to get some replacement. and the thing is we dont want some so-so
teachers, we want the good one. and the thing is the parents balme on me, telling me i couldnt change
the teacher and shouldnt do so, coz this is breaking the agreement. i apologized and explaint to them
that it wasnt my choice, and i have done all i can do, coz i was informed shortly too, and i had been
working on the proceedure right after i was informed. there is nothing i can do beside finding another
teacher to replace her imediately before letting the parents know about that. so.. i'm so sorry.. we didnt
expect the teacher would get sick and couldnt work. we do expect the teacher to teach the certain
classes just like what i have told them when i introduced the courses. so.. i'm so sorry... and.. again,
i am so sorry.

sigh.. then anotehr teacher spent me another hour to discuss with me and chat with me about education.
i was okay.. as long as the parent is not yelling at me or being non-sense to me, or harrasing me..
then it's fine. i can understand how angry or concerned they are.. but just ... plz.. i dont make it happen.
and if i could prevent this happen, i would be so much happier. and the thing is.. if they wanna blame
someone, it shouldnt be me, but... Ella or the teacher, coz Ella didnt sign any agreement with her,
and Ella trusted her she could handel 10 hrs work. she is sick.. what can we do? force her to come?
and i dont like this parent, coz well when Ella spoke to her, she was fine. but with me, she is rude.
why? Ella didnt even explain or apologized to her. she just told her this is the way it is. i dislike this
kind of ppl. if you being nice to them, they treat you like lower class, but if you show them you are the
boss or something like that, they treat you like god. get off ! i'm not sorry for the parents at all.
i'm sorry for the kids only, but the thing is the sub teacher is not bad at all.

then.. some Gov person came checking the office.. and checked if we got working insurance..
of course we dont. i remember so long time ago i have asked Ella once, and she said no.
and so.. i odnt know.. that guy told me if we dont contact him in 3 days, then he would issue us the
fine. i was like haha.. good. otherwise Ella would never gonna do that. and this is her responsiblity.
then... yea.. so busy.. he was checking our doc..

then lunch time.. i just took a walk.. i need to breath..

back to work.. saw Stephen on line.. then.. we chatted. i think i am so crazy today..
it's really out of my mind. i flirted with him so badly in the office.. while i was working, and parents
were right infront of me. and.. haha.. well. only we know.. then it makes me wonder if i'm in lust with
him more than love. and.. i think being his girlfriend is really challenging and exciting. maybe coz we're
both germini.

at night... that guy was outside talking so loud. and i wish him just shut up, and leave me some peace.
he is just bothering me everyday. like.. either he came in talking to me or he just kept walking ard
the mall and talking loudly right outside the office. and it's soooooo annoying. and i m scared sometimes,
it's like.. i wear low cut or tank to work nowaday, coz the summer is killing me. and i am scared.

after jobs done.. i left with Carole.. then.... i went getting some groceries at the supermarket..
some rice cracker and soya milk..

i started reading my book last night.. i was very very tired, so i went to bed early..
i miss him so much, and then i read a chapter.. and i miss him till i fell asleep. the book is good.
i would read it tonigjht if i am not falling asleep right after...

i'm going to exercise before sleep.. i hope i still can go through a few chapters tonigjht.

>>July 29, 2008 at 3:40:04 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 27 日 星期日 【晴】

yesterday...

i woke up so early.. we went to the book fair. it's only once a year, and it's the biggest in the world.
so.. i went there. not like other years, i bought less this time. i only bought 1 book.. and it's the book
i really wanna read.. hee... "P.S. I Love You." i got it very cheap.. coz it's double dicounted. omg.
it used to be like... $120.. and finally i got it like $ 60. it's 50% off. and it's not second hand or old book.

then yea.. i was sooo tired back to Tai Po.. then shopped at the supermarket... buying stuffs for pasta.
back home resting.. having dinner and watching tv.. ha.. that Japanese series is so nice..
and it was the last episode. then i uploadded pics finally..

i made pasta this afternoon. so yummy. so yea... bacon, cherry tomato, mushroom, purple
onion, ground paper, basil, oregano, toasted garlic, sun dried tomato, tunna, penne regate. not bad..
i made a whole pack of penne regate.. enough for 6- 7 ppl.. then my sisters, both of them finished
2 full plates, then i had 1 plate.. and i still can save one plate, after packing some for Shan..
my sisters said it was so yummy.. then i packed some for Shan, and i took a walk to the office..
she likes it. she said it tastes quite delicious. actually.. i think i can make it better, and i will next time.
this is my first time to make penne regate, and the first time to make dish with bacon and italian seasoning.
so.. it took me a bit time to think about how much i should put and how long to cook each stuffs..
ends up it tatse nice =) i'm happy. i wonder if i can get some spicy sussage in.. then it would taste so
much better.. i love pasta.. last time when i have time, i made banana pancake, and Leggy doesnt like it.
i wanna do it again. i love cooking, but i just dont have time or energy to do so.. sigh. i hope i can have
more time to cook more.

so yea.. walking back to the office... let Shan tried the pasta.. then discussed with her about some
work stuffs.. then we walk home together.

tomorrow i gotta work. hummm..

i saw Stephen on line, we talked.. i miss him so much.. humm i'm gonna see him in 1 month.. very soon
actually. then it makes me think of the May and June when i was there. it wasnt very pleasent... as in..
i did cry sometimes. i didnt know what he want, confussed, and i was upset sometimes. i didnt know
if he cared about me or if he has lost his interest in me. i enjoyed my days there, coz luckly i have
my friends there... so... yea..... i grief on the day before i fly back.. i did.. but then... after i'm home
here.. slowly i just felt much better.. hummm it took a little bit of time... but i was okay.

then.. i know i miss him... and then... yes... hope to see him soon.

i wanna lose more weight.. i lost lots and i gained back.. and now i'm just steady.. like before i used to be..
i wanna lose more.. i wanna exercise.. but.. i wonder how i can make my schedule better, so that i
could have regular work out time.

>>July 28, 2008 at 12:55:08 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 25 日 星期五 【晴】

hi.

today was very busy... working..
fixing problems... then.. yea.... lunch alone... working... fixing problems...
hope for the best.. Leonard is back. humm nice to see him. he used to work with us.. haha..
sigh.

then i tried to go off on time but couldnt.. Kai Leong, his girlfriend and their friends are in HK..
so.. i went to Mong Kok to meet them up. Kai Leong is my old friend i met in the exchange programe
with the SG students.. ha.. i used to show them ard HK, and did project with them.. i visited their
highschools in SG, and they came over HK visiting our school.. stuff like that.. so.. the last time i ve
seen him was actually since 2003... omg... 5 years ago?! hahaha.. we keep in touch.. we talk maybe
once or twice a year only.. haha.. so yea.. nice to see him this evening.

i hope i can have more rest.. but.. seems kindda impossible..
tomorrow we would go to the book fair.. only once a year.. the biggest in the world.. so we are really
going.. and then on Mon.. i would need to take care of some work... hummm..


and then you knwo what... i'm flying to Van again in 1 month.
time flies.

i miss him much.


headache..

>>July 26, 2008 at 6:30:38 PM GMT+8

2008 年 7 月 24 日 星期四 【晴】

Hey.

i'm just back from Macau.
it's a family trip.. hummm it was quite nice.. but then there were some boring time, when dad is doing
his business with his boss. anyway, it was great =)

i'm just back to the office this morning, and yes, i'm working now.
i said i needed a getaway, it was right. and then when i'm back to HK last night, the mid night,
i called Sham imediately when i was on the train, the way home with my family..
and then i could hear that it must be very busy and stressful at the office...
then.. yea.... the fact is it was... just two days, then it already got so many things happened.
then when i got home.. i just took a shower then fell asleep right after. i was so tired.
i didnt finish unpacking..

so.. back to the office now.. and i read the log book.. crazy.
and then.. i heard from Shan about some parent's story and the schedule problem..
i totally understand how difficult it is now.. coz i was working on it, and it's just what i'm expecting to
happen... no surprise.. but somehow i couldnt do anything for that. it's exactly what i have been
wondering.. i dont like it, i dont want it... and i totally understand how helpless and frustrating it is.
so.. what i was thinking is... actually just find out a few options, and make one decision to end it all.
we're not the boss, so... if we have done our job, the best we could do, then it's done with us..

this morning.. i couldnt really wake up.. no breakfast home.. then i just got my coffee and bagle on
the way to the office.. sigh.. reading 35 personal e-mails.. and another 3 business e-mails... and
some other pages of message on the log book.. hummmm... i need to wake up...

last night i got the sms from Rami. humm congratuations to his new job. omg.. my schoolmates just
got very high rated job. i am so happy for them. i'm so proud of them. really. well not every of my
schoolmates.. but just a few of them, who i'm in touch with that can give me some hope.. coz i have
been wondering if our school really offer good oppotunities for the students to achieve better jobs.
and i'm so happy.. some good students, like my friends, they do get some high rated jobs. i'm so proud
of them and my school. then Rami was so funny.. he sms me when i was still in Macau.. and i didnt
wanna get back to him, since it's not something urgent.. then i sms back when i was back in HK..
haha.. he said he missed me so just texted me and see how i'm doing n if i wanna hang out..
i told him i dont know if i would be free this weekend.. then we talked for a while on sms.. then ..
at last he was joking with me.. he said like.. one more thing.. find him a girlfriend. i just laughed..
so.. i thought he found his ms. perfect... and he was so happy... then now.. he asked me to find him
a girlfriend.. sigh.

in Macau.. we have traveled many places.. the schedule was quite packed.. and so we were very tired.
hahaha.. but it was okay... we took lots of pictures.. and... honestly.. it was quite fun to see so many
funny buildings and how the ppl live there. the casino... and the hotel.... the crazy ppl... terrible traffic...
but NICE food... and sooo many Ku Kee and Chui Heng Yuen... just more than the Starbucks in Van or HK.
it's so crazy there.. it's so beautiful there, as in... the lights, the buildings, view, attractions.. but then...
the transportation sucks, the traffic is so terrible.. the ppl is quite rude.. i guess they are travelers from
China.. and then.. so hard to find the 7-11 or any other stores or suppermarket... so crowed everywhere
and then sooooooo hot..
then when i got home, i was like HOME SWEET HOME~ YAY i'm back.
it was a very interesting trip.. got seeing lots of stuffs there.. and the last time i went there was like
when i was 8 or 9.. so.. haha.. nice.. hopefully i will have time to upload some pics on Facebook this
weekend.. actually since i'm back to HK in June, i have been to Ocean Park, the 10th anniversary dinner
of my highschool, and the Macau.. i wanna upload the pics, but too tired and lazy.. then the Mixbook
thing.. my pic album is dead.. cant be revised back to the past.. so i have to re-do it.. sigh.. see what
i can do then.. i'm so tired and lazy to do the photo things. i got too many photos..
hummm..
then yea.. i've been back for a month already. haha. i'm okay.

i miss Stephen alot.. humm.. i think of him more these days.. it's kindda like... irresistable..

humm i gotta get back to work. be back later.

>>July 25, 2008 at 3:52:35 AM GMT+8