2008 年 8 月 15 日 星期五 【晴】

humm.

yesterday was quite crazy at work. some doctor from the clinic complaint about the renovation next
shop.. the workers wanted to fight with him. it was kindda scary.. the management ppl came stopping
them. humm.. actually i should be the one who compaint. it's so dusty and dirty and annoying and
irretating. it affects my work and my students alot. then the banner at our gate was blew off..
then i fixed it, put it back on, then it fell again. then i fixed it.. then some parent came paying..
then i .. came down, and my banner was hanging.. then the man next store came helping me to
hang it. he's the one who always called me pretty. so, i dont like saying hi to him. it makes me quite
embarassed. he has a wife.

after work, i had dinner with Shan and Queenie. i'm happy to see them. just a long dinner.
so.. they are both saving money to get marry? omg.

today is very very busy. i was really tired. the coffee didnt really wake me up. then... just crazy.
the next shop is going crazy. and work is busy. got lots of thigs to handel and work on..
the IELT'S course.. some complains, some class arrangements. i'm going to be so busy next week.
i think i've been doing great job these days, but then.. yea.. Carole asked me many times today if i am
okay. she said i looked very stressed and tired. she said i need holiday. i said yes i do.
Sophia is kindda funny. she kept mentioning the birthday party. hummm i didnt wanna make it big for
her but then now... yea... i kindda understand what she meant.. haha..

i want to cry, but i didnt cry. sometimes.. i just dont know. sigh. i am not giving up but sometimes
things are just pissing me off. if i talk things out, then i might be a bit over reacting. coz work life is
that, and i am not in some very difficult company. if i dont, then ... i am just tired and.. frustrated.

then some friends might make comparation with me. why doing this?
i mean like.. work.. and other things.. i dont like it.

oh yea.. maybe if i m being a doll, it would be easier.
i mean like.. if there's a guy who can take care of me very well, and i dont need to work or need to
do anything, then i might not need to use my brain, dont need to go to school, dont need to worry for
anything, then i could be just some doll only listen to that guy and being so innocent all the time. like a
doll, really like a doll. and then when that guy married me, i would be some fortunate housewife.
i dont know if it's fortunate to be a doll. coz.. i've seen some young parents, they are very.... simple
and... happy. and if i am bad, then i could easily fool their money. i just dont get it. i guess some guys
really like this type of woman.. and i wonder they are very fortunate really. coz they dont need to think
and they dont think much, so they're always happy. Cas.. but i know you're not this kind of girl..
well.. i dont know.. maybe someday i would be, if my nice husband would be nice to me i guess?
i dont know.

>>August 16, 2008 at 3:03:37 PM GMT+8

2008 年 8 月 13 日 星期三 【晴】

=)

i've visited Ella today. her baby is sooooo cute. she looks just exactly like Richard. hahaha..
she is so small.. so small.. so cute.. she has big eyes, long legs and long arms. she must be some
pretty girl. and then yea.. Ella and Richard both look very tired. i'm happy to see the baby.
i visit her with Mendy today lunch time. then... Mendy and Ella joked with me.. they asked me to become
a mother soon then i would feel even happier. ha... yea.. it should be.

then... last night when i was chatting with Alesja.. she saw my msn, asking me why i was sad.
i told her it was just some small incident.. my skirt got stabbed a small hole. then she balmed me being
sad for such small thing. yea.. i know. it was just a small thing compared to some important things.
i shouldnt be so upset. and actually i'm fine. i am not too upset over it. well, i'm gonna sew it actually.
and... you know how often does it happen to ppl? i think i'm quite lucky. =)

anyway.. i try to do my cycling everyday.. but it's really difficult for me. so.. maybe once in 2 days..
1 hr something each time.. this is what i'm doing.. and then.. more and more vege and cutting down
on carbohydrate.. cutting down snacks.. having more fruit after the samll portion of dinner.
then breakfast time just cut down on toast. 1 slice instead of 2.. then now, i dont ususally have toast
too. usually just 1 or 2 pieces of oat biscuits, with low fat soya milk or black coffee. then.. i try to take
a walk every morning when i go to work.. i walk pretty fast, so it takes 20 mins. then walk back home
as well.. so at least 40 mins fast walk per day. i hope i could be healthier and slimmer. i really dislike
being chubby all the time, especially before some speical occasions.. next Tue would be grandpa's
birthday dinner.. and so... there would be many many relatives there.. everyone have to dress up
nicely.. then.. i hope that i could look pretty.

and then the thing is... i really dislike that woman from L Tree. omg. she saw me another day when i
was taking my students to the bathroom. what i do is.. i always chat with the kids and play with them
a bit on the way walking to the bathroom. and then i speak English. and what i've seen is that... no one
has done that like me. NO ONE. not even her before. before, i saw her a few times, she doesnt hold
the kids' hand, she doesnt talk with the kids. and now, she speaks very loudly that everyone can hear
her voice in the mall, and she suddenly becomes so happy taking kids to the washroom. why?
it's like.. oh please. i dont like this. at first, when they first open, we made three new boards on our
wall to show pictures, children's writing and some information about the courses. they didnt have it.
and after a few days we put those up, they have it, just exactly the same style we do we design.
some teacher just walk by and saw that then came telling me. oh... come on.. so.. now i put Oylimpic
information, country flags with names, Beijin dolls, this and that, then maybe they're gonna coppy us?
ppl, plz get creative, make your own art. that woman doesnt look like me. and i wanna make sure i have
my own style of dressing, talking, doing my job well. i wanna make sure myself being more professional.

just like.. i gotta dress up friendly, casual smart, in stead of like a housewife. i gotta speak like a lday.
when i am at the reception, i have to be like a professional receptionist, just like up to the standard in
some nice hotel. i gotta know how to manage the office operations, every big and tiny things happening
in the office. i gotta take care of every students situation, and what they and the parents need.
besides, i need to take care of the teachers too, well of course they know what to do. i have my
standard too. and then... more importantly, need to know how to expand the market and advertising.
the decor and how to promote a friendly, advanced, and comfortable learning atmosphere for the
students, and for the teachers as well. and then... the most important thing is.. to improve my skill
on presenting courses, and find out what courses are the best and most suitable for the students.
so.. the outlooking is important, so does the service and the education that we provide.
so..... when my ex boss asked me and Sophia asked me if i am interested to work for them.. i m not
sure if i really wanna work for them. coz.. i think i have my frineds here, and... the students i have
been working on here.. humm... i dont know. anyway, i'm gonna do better job than that woman, definitely.

the Olympic is quite exciting.. i watch it sometimes when i get home at night. it's like.. when i'm watching
the China team battling with the other countries athelets, i feel so excited. some of them are really nice.
i feel sorry for them somehow, coz i'm sure the air polution in Beijin does affect their performace alot.

i miss Stephen. i guess he must be very busy recently. i saw the news on line that the real estate
market is not so good. i hope everything is gonna be fine soon. i will see him in 2 weeks? very soon.
i miss him. last night.. when i was in bed.. i think of him.. then i just wish that i could be in his arms
again soon, so that i can feel his warm body.

>>August 16, 2008 at 3:04:32 PM GMT+8

2008 年 8 月 12 日 星期二 【晴】

i'm unhappy. my skirt is ruined by some stranger on my first day to wear it.

i woke up with a bad mood today, didnt really wanna get up..
then rushing to go.. meeting Mendy at her shop, being her model.. i wanna thank her for the
compliments.. and i wish her success.

then got back to work... making coffee, opening... blah blah..
Shan came, meeting... then working on stuffs.. then had some bad lunch at the Fairwood.
terrible pasta. really terrible. i could still taste the butter after i specificly ordered my food w/o butter.
it's totally different like.. i can esaily tell what they put into the pasta, and those re not supposed to be.
i enjoy the time with Shan, that's the only thing i'm happy about.

anyway,... go picking flowers at the shop.. then checking out the VCD that i need to buy..
and the lady was wasting my time. anyway.. i just didnt get it then i left.. then back to work..
the renovation next shop is so irretating. i hate the smell, and i sit at the front for the whole day.
i really want them to close the door when they did the work. why the hell the others have to suffer
with their own business. it's harmful to human health.

busy working, then left on time.. walking home..
i'm so angry. there was a person, a highschool girl passed by me.
and then her freaking coat hanger was flying ard, then just accidentally stabbed into my skirt, and
rended abit! there's pierced a hole on my new skirt now!
i'm so unhappy. i was standing there checking it. then she kept saying sorry.. and her perrs were
standing behind her. some of them are in uniform. what can i do? tell her that's my first time to wear
it and ask her to pay me? no.. how can i ask some highschool student to pay me back my skirt?
even though it's not some expensive skirt, still cost a hundred and fivty bucks. i dont think that she's
gonna pay me. if i do ask, then i become very mean.. coz if was her, i would have been so freak-out
and wouldnt know what to do too .. sigh. well, what can i do? i'm so unhappy =( i like this skirt.
and it's like... how high chances does it happen? new clothes got ruien on the first day by accident...
humm my first time =( boo..

>>August 13, 2008 at 1:45:33 PM GMT+8

2008 年 8 月 11 日 星期一 【晴】

today it's already Aug 12..
so.. i've been 22 for... 2 months already.

in these 2 months... i have seen lots of things. i've seen many ppl who cared about me a lot..
and.. they do lots of things for me. when i met Karen today... i think of last year, when i was still 21.
i was with straight hair, always tied up my hair... then wearing mini skirt and t-shirt with the big back
pack, then rushing to school, doing paper and exam... busy at work.... then i see myself today.
i'm a bit lost.. dont really know what i'm gonna do after grad. it's like... i cant plan too much, and so i
dont have a plan to follow. i'm 22 this year.. my sec month to be 22. so... in 10 months, i'm gonna be
23. and by the time i get to 23, i might be working ? or... what? still at the same work place or... where?
flight attendent? teacher? or... what? then i think of what Lisa and Joy said to me.. everyone wants me
to give a try to apply for the master degree programe. i'm a bit worried.

then yea... 2 months ago today.. i was with Stephen. i was in his place having the simplest celebration.
and then at home... Denis and Lisa bought me an ice-cream cake waiting for me.. they dont celebrate
for birthday as well.. but they bought me a cake, a card, and gave me a t-shirt. then i've the warmest
pasta that night. i saw.... Deniel's aircraft model. it was great. then... i had birthday gift from Cyn as well.
she bought me some lotion. she knows i love the sweet one, she gets me the peach lotion. i love it.
Cyn made me Laksa at her place. that day was actually the 11th. i just went over her place by bus..
15 mins.. all down to Alma street from Broadway. then we chatted.. we ate and we played.. then..
it was very nice. Kiana bought me big breakfast on my last day. she has been always busy but still
trying to find time to hang out with me. so... why ppl treat me so nice ... ? before i leave.. Louisa took
time for me.. she came over my home and had the small party with me.. then on my last day she just
had dim sum with me, Cyn and Eddie. and she knows i miss Stephen so much, she drives me to
his place just so as to let me say goodbye to him. i cried and cried in her car for 2 hrs maybe? then
she just bought me my fav hot dark chocolate and tried to make me smile. why ppl treat me so well...
coz... they care about me.. whenever i need help, whenever i need someone, they are always there
for me.. why Joy would ask Lisa and Dennis if they would have spare room for me, why Lisa would
want me to stay at her place? coz they're my friends and they like me. i find that... i am very very
lucky to have known such good friends in my life. i'm really lucky. and i'm not gonna take that for granted.
mom always remind me to be nice to ppl, especial to those who have given the helping hand.

Karen is leaving on next Mon. she still tries to see me today. i'm very happy. i still think she is a very
strong girl. she is just great. i wish i could be that strong. i ask myself... why the women i know are
all very strong... it's like... i'm the weakest one. then... i have told Karen that leaving to the airport by
myself was really painful. i wanted to cry. then she said she's suprised. she said i was a tough girl,
she couldnt imagine that i would cry if no one going to the airport with me. i asked her if she thought
i'm a really strong person. she said.. then maybe outside you look strong but actually you're just too
soft inside. i wouldnt say no to it. it's true.

we went to that building in Mong Kok today. many police are still there.. so.. we just gave the flowers
then left. they dont let ppl walk near or stay near to the building. i feel so bad for the firemen..
when i was walking near.. i was just saying i'm so sorry for that.

life is like that... this is life.. i dont know when i will be leaving this world, leaving the ppl i love..
so i try to live my everyday nicely, try to love the ppl ard me.. if i like them, i care about them, i show them.
i wanna do everything the best i can do.. i wanna live my life fully.. coz.. this way i wouldnt have too
much regrets. when i have questions, i wanna find out the answer.. when i see ppl in need i wanna
help. i want ppl happy and healthy. i want you well. i want to be happy. i want to love and be loved.
i think everyone deserves a happy life. we deserve chances to live our ideal lifes, and we should
work hard to achieve goals. everyone deserves to be loved, and deserves to know how to love,
persue the happiness.

>>August 12, 2008 at 12:55:08 PM GMT+8

2008 年 8 月 10 日 星期日 【晴】

humm

my head is like cracking. i guess i'm falling sick soon.

yesterday i woke up like 1 pm.. then rested all day. then i cycling for 1.5 hr at home after dinner.
i slept ard 2 sth am after the movie time.. then i woke up at 8 this mornig.. rushing to go..
took a walk and had breakfast with Shan, then walked back to the office. brief meeting.. then worked.
i worked on some decoration, and then some doc with Shan.. humm... then Mendy came over..
hummm... chatted for awhile.. then.. Shan and i headed for lunch.. we had bubble tea with some
Taiwanese dim sum.. then.. i went to Festival Walk to meet up Cap and her boyfriend ;)
yup. i'm so happy for Cap. then.. hummm we walked ard.. i bought some work clothes.. a tank top and
a black skirt. both are very... lady-like.. only for work or.. dine-out maybe? i dont know..
pretty pretty cheap at H&M. the quality of mine are not bad, so it was really cheap actually.. HKD 200
for 2 items, without discount. usually H&M sells some bad quality clothes. but the ones i picked were
not bad. it's nice. i wanted to get the Crocs. i really like the original black, but then Shan, Cap, and
Cap's boyfrined said they look really ugly. hahaha.. then they all agreed to choose the latest style,
the latest design, that light pink one.. hummm i like that.. but i'm thinking if i should get that or i should
get some heels, coz i wanna buy black high heels for work. but then it's true that in summer, here,
i really dont like wearing heels in the summer. it's like... too hot, too uncomfortable to wear heels to walk.

then we went ice-skating. humm it was good. i was just not feeling well, but still okay. i could skate
fast now, but.. i'm still quite nervous sometimes. it's okay. i like ice cakting..
after that, just took train back home. i feel so sick.. it's like my head is cracking.. and i suddenly feel so
cold, suddenly so hot..

then.. tomorrow i told Shan i might be back to the office to do some more work.. but then now..
i guess i might not be able to make it. coz in the afternoon, i gotta meet Karen. yea.. Karen is leaving
to the US campus soon.. even earlier than me.. then.. we just wanna meet up. it's been long havent
seen her.. it reminds me the first few days i met her in class. i remember.... at first, i didnt really talk
to anyone. i just went into the class on time, and do my notes, read my book.. then in rest time i just
went to the computer lab.. then lunch alone... all by myself. then in the group discussion.. i was always
in the same group with her.. then.. we started to talk more.. then we started to have lunch together..
for me, she's like a little sis, coz.. she's kindda funny, and at first i usually didnt understand what
she meant in the discussion time. i wasnt used to the class style too.. so i was always lost at first
in class. i was like... what the hell re you ppl talking about.. i was a bit lost somehow.. and it was very
hard for me, coz.. i stopped school for a year, and still want and aim to be the A-grade student...
anyway, it was ok.. i catch up pretty fast.... so.. i was fine. so... i worked hard.. and we worked hard.
i dont know her grades.. i dont compare to others actually. i guess she was fine too?

then we chatted a bit more.. then she told me i looked like some ABC or CBC.. then asked me lots of
questions.. then we talked more.. and we realized we were having some common place.. ha..
then we started to become buddy at school.. and we met up before and after school.. then we helped
each others on research and exam prep.. then when i was broken down, she helped me lots.
then she witnessed me walking out from my blueness. she was the only one of two ppl in school who
knew i was seeing a consellor. only she and Dr. Chan know about it.. and so.. yea.. she becomes
one of my close friends now. and still.. i like her so much, i admire her lots. it's like when she was in
need, she was so strong still. i couldnt do that, but she could. she showed me how strong i could be.
but you know.. shes just a sweetie, but now she's much stronger than before, yet super sweet and cute.

so.. i'm gonna miss her.. and i'm so happy for her. coz i know.. she really wanted this chance.. and
she had tried to talk with her family so bad.. and then she wanted to give up.. and she was about to
give up.. then ... i just told her that she has to be brave to try again.. and i'm so happy for her that
now she can do it. i'm so glad that she can make it. i'm proud of her.

hummm .. i had lots of chat time with Shan today.. listening to her.. then she asked about me..
then.. hummmmmm.. it's like.. i told her.. it's like... too many things happened? so i feel like time flies..
it's like.. only 1 month and half but i already feel like i've been back for months. but check the calenda,
then.. it feels so weird. and i dont know.. i miss him. and somehow.. my feeling now its like...
i wanna cry but.. i cant cry.. coz there's not much tears anymore. however i know how much i miss
him and i love him. and it's really weird.. coz.. at the same time i realize there's not much hope i'm giving in now?
its like.. i know i love him and i care about him so much.. but there's nothing i can do. somehow
i hardly find the connection with him nowaday. maybe coz we're both very busy.. and the thing is..
when i'm stressed, i tense up.. then.. i just feel bad more easily. then day by day, weeks by weeks..
i just... feel time flies. and it makes me miss him even more. i feel so bad but i'm still okay. i can go on
with my life.. just that i know there... in Vancouver.. the guy i love is still all by himself, working hard
everyday, being strong everyday. i'm very frustrated sometimes, and i just wanna... stay happy.

Maggie called me the other day.. she's getting married.. she invited me to her wedding dinner.
hummm she's the earliest one in 5D. if ppl ask me if i wanna get marry. yes, i would love to..
but then... i wonder what i am going to do. it's like... i'm graduating this year. and i dont think Stephen
wants to get marry in the coming 2009. so.. ppl ask if i'm gonna get marry... if it's just joking, then
that's fine. if it's serious.. i dont think it's a good que to ask. coz i really dont know. even if i was so
desperate to get marry, i'm a girl. was i supposed to plan and propose to the guy? no way. ha.
i just dont know. i think it's more like... how sincere the guy is about to marry the girl. how strong will
he has to stay with the girl for life long. how much he wants the girl, and how much he is willing to
create the future with her. its... the passion.. the true intimacy... and.. the committment issue.. like...
fellings, sex, compable or not, committment and value issue.. many things.

i write too much today. i drink lots of water.. hope i'll get well soon.
tmr, Karen and i would go to Mong Kok to give flowers to those two firemen who dead while trying to
save others life. wish them R.I.P.

>>August 11, 2008 at 5:48:21 PM GMT+8

2008 年 8 月 8 日 星期五 【晴】

Where is the moment we needed the most.. You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray. They tell me your passion's gone away.

You stand in the line just to hit a new low. You're faking a smile with the coffee you go.
You tell me your life's been way off line. You're falling to pieces every time.

Coz you've a bad day. You're taking one down. You sing a sad song just to turn it around.
You say you don't know. You tell me don't lie. You work at a smile and you go for a ride.
You had a bad day. The camera don't lie. You're coming back down and you really don't mind.
You had a bad day.

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say, and I don't need no carryin' on.

You had a bad day. You're taking one down. You sing a sad song just to turn it around.
You say you don't know. You tell me don't lie. You work at a smile and you go for a ride.
You had a bad day. The camera don't lie. You're coming back down and you really don't mind.
You had a bad day.

(Oooh.. a holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink, and the whole thing turns out wrong.
You might not make it back and you know that you could be well oh that strong.
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most ?
Oh you and I...
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.
You've seen what you like, and how does it feel for one more time?
you have a bad day.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


more or less, my work place becomes some important place to me.
i got my spirit there, i got my friends there... i rely on the money i earned there... i go there 5 or 6
days a week, even though it's not my regular schedule. i care about the students, the parents,
the teachers. i put lots of effort in it, i worked so hard.. just for... doing my job well.
when it's very tiring, i would make some drink, then fake a smile and swallow the pain.
it's not my business, why should i care so much... i guess... coz... it's probably other ppl' dream
and work.. and i'm here.. so i wanna help making it better. that's why i'm here.. and so... i should
do my job just as well as i could? i dont know. i just know i wanna do it well, do it the best...
especially when the competition is getting much bigger these days.. and especially when there are
girls from other companies who walk by would just looked in and glanced at me.. then i would
wonder.. what's wrong with me or with our center? or just that ppl would talk about us behind?
walk-in parents and students heard about us from others, and so they come look for me and the
teachers. that's what they told me.. so.. i cant just slack ard.. and i think keep myself busy would be
better.

today.. it was still.. stressful at work. but thanks Shan dropping by.. then we had lunch and catch
up a bit. it was a small getaway.

but when i'm all alone... the lonliness is back. just like... what i expected before... i knew i would be
lonely after back to HK. it's very strange still.. back home, i'm so happy to live with my family, even
though i really love Lisa and Denis, i really love Cyn and Cap, i really love Stephen. i miss Van so much.
i cried but i'm okay, i'm happy to be home. just that... although there are so many ppl ard me...
it's still very different. coz he's not here. but i wonder.. how much we can do when we're together.
sometimes i'm just very frustrated. i dont wanna be so fed up then just walk away. i dont wanna do that.
Castor... you gotta be strong.. and you gotta ask yourself.. what makes you wanna stay in this
relationship.. is that yourself or.. him.. or other ppl or other things else..

anyway, last night, i watched the Oylimpics.. it was... ha... good. but i am not so into the sport show..
so.. ha... i like those art and opening performance.. and then i like to see how the Bejin buildings are..
many Chinese are very excited.. so proud.. then i'm like yea, i m proud of China, well it's my nationalty..
it's a very interesting feelings though. like... you know how good and bad this country is. and..
all of the sudden, ppl in the world just pay so much attention to this country. it's like.. OKAY... ha..

>>August 9, 2008 at 5:38:37 PM GMT+8

2008 年 8 月 7 日 星期四 【晴】

=( facing some hard decisions.

i got a really exhausting day. i'm very tired and stressed.
then.. just seem like all of the sudden, i got different oppotunities in front of me, and i dont know what
i am gonna do. i guess i need some time to sort things out.

then beside the personal things.. it's just kind of crazy at work. what a bizarre...
i dont know. got some interview today. strange teacher. then.. Shan didnt come.. so the meeting was
cancel. i dont know if she's gonna come tomorrow, but it might be a bit hard to arrange. and then..
yea.. just loads of work to do, and have been quite stressed about finding teachers and stuffs..
i'm exhausted. and then.. this morning was crazy. and the thing is.. i didnt create the problems, and
so.. i dont know. i hope i can do better, but somehow it's not about my own. i dont know.

i sent the package to Stephen this late afternoon finally. just.. have been trying to find time to get things
ready. too busy too tired. but i'm glad that i can send it out today. i told Ella, i just need to go to the post
office first anyway.

and so... all of the sudden.. ppl come talking to me, and giving me different opinions, and offering me
different choices.. it's a bit.. TMTH at a time. all happen on the same day within a few hrs. so what am
i supposed to say? so confussing.

>>August 8, 2008 at 1:53:44 PM GMT+8

2008 年 8 月 7 日 星期四 【晴】

hummm busy long day.

woke up at 8 30.
work started at 10 30. busy opening, taking care of my flowers ;)
then... yea.. did some work, personal work too.. then..
lunch with Miki and Leggy, then got back to work.

hummmmmmmm then Ella called me in the classroom. she was having an appointment with the
insurance agent. she wants me to help translating. hummm i guess she really needs to understand
more, and to study such important information on her own. i think that person has explaint pretty
clear already. and Richard wants other thing i guess. well there are many diff plans, they should
be able to pick up one or two. then worked on other stuffs... i left at 9 pm.. got meeting.
then Ella just mesged me ard 12 sth am just now.. we talk on phone.. business... humm...

humm the next store is opening soon.. then ... they seem like another very big competitor..
i'm... a bit worried.. but fine.. we're still fine.. and i think compared to all, i'm still the smartest and
prettiest receptionist among all. hahaha.. yea, i'm that confident... well i dont know.. i just doo my job,
do my really best. be professional in every ways. applying all i've learnt, contribute to my life.

humm.. then.. tmr is the special day for China and Hong Kong. tomorrow i would be wearing casual
wear instead.. so i'm gonna wear the "I Love HK" t-shirt and maybe a skirt.
crazy long day.

but i'm happy. coz my flowers are so pretty =) and that agent said i am very pretty too =)
hee.

but i cant sleep.. coz of the coffee.


anyway..
here is my chinese translation for the song i posted here.



我不會怪你　對我的偽裝
i wont blame you for disguishing for me,
天使在人間是該藏好翅膀
just like the angel in the world should hide their wings up.
人們愚蠢魯莽而妳纖細善良
human is stupid and doing rash things, but you're thoughtful and kind.
怎能讓妳為了我被碰傷
how can i let you get hurt for me?

小小的手掌　厚厚的溫暖
your little palm, with the real warm,
妳總能平復我不安的夜晚
can always get me through the lonely and uncomfortable night.
不敢想的夢想　透過妳的眼光
the unthinkable dream, then through your eyes,
我才看見它原來在前方
i can see that impossible dream is actually right in front of me.

＊沒有誰能把妳搶離我身旁
no one can snatch you away from me.
　妳是我的專屬天使　為我能獨佔
you're my special angel, who only belongs to me, and you stay for me only.
　
＃沒有誰能取代妳在我心上
no one can replace you in my heart.
　擁有一個專屬天使　我哪裡還需要別的願望
i have a special angel like that, i dont need any other wishes for no wherelse.

小小的手掌　大大的力量
your small palm, yet... having great strength..
我一定也會像妳一樣飛翔
and i will be like you, definitely that would fly like you.
妳想去的地方　就是我的方向
whever you wanna go, that is my destination and my direction.
有我保護笑容儘管燦爛
you got me protecting your smile, so you can just keep smiling big.

要不是妳出現　我一定還在沉睡
if you were not here, i must have been still unwakened,
絕望的以為　生命只有黑夜
so desperatly wondering my life only has darkness..

>>August 7, 2008 at 5:48:48 PM GMT+8

2008 年 8 月 5 日 星期二 【晴】

"August 6, 2008 - Think to spare the sensitiveness of your close ones; beware of your words that
may outweigh your thoughts. Sooner or later reality with catch you up; so look at it in the face right
now. In the realm of the heart, beware of too much possessiveness and authority; also, make some
place for fantasy. You'll have only one means to improve your present material situation:
stop dreaming and work relentlessly."

today i woke up ard 8 sth am... then i realized it was the typhoon signal no.8 here. YAY, no work!
YAY YAY YAY~~~ no need to work~~~ hahahaha.. so i just went back to bed. cool sleep.
i read my book last night, but i was very tired..

then today i just stayed home all day.. nothing special.. just rest and rest.. and eventually painting my
nails again. see? one month something is gone since the last time i paint my nails. just tired and lazy.
and more important thing is i got the news from Cyn and Cap. =) hummmmm i'm so happy for them ^^
hee. first of all, congrauations to both of them~~ hee. happy happy Cyn, happy happy Cap~
good news good news. happy sweety news. i hope i could be there give Cyn a tight hug, then i hope
to see Cap soon. hee. =)

when i bought my make up stuffs from M.A.C. that day.. i saw the cosmectic girls there.. they are all
very pretty, their make up looks so perfect, they look so hot...

oh omg. Ella called... the typhoon signal went back to 3.
i need to run back to work. be right back.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

back..

humm i took taxi back to work. it wasnt very busy, but then taking care of things.. and yea..
made some class arrangement.. then left.. and shopped for fruits. then back home..

humm yea.. so i went to the M.A.C. i like the girls there, well i mean i like how they look so pretty.
i dont know what kind of ppl they are bhind the mask, but they absolutely got the pretty face.
then.. i do admire their skill and how they serve ppl and help them to find out the most suitable
make up product, like colour or diff texture.. it's just like the godness. i used to hope i could be one
of them, can do the perfect make up, or looking so pretty and hot. however, Cas.. haha.. i can do
fair make up only, not that professional.

i remember when i was still in highschool, i had tried to write some short stories.. about a girl,
who is wearing shorts to travel a long journey. i wrote some entries on some website..
sharing with diff ppl on line, well on line friends. but then... i dont know why suddenly i just stopped.
and i still remember at that time, my Chinese typing wasnt too bad. well i guess i was still writting
Chinese mroe than English... not like now.. i write English much more than Chinese. the only time i write
Chinese is at work, and only when i need to write down information for parents. otherwise.. English.
and then when i need to translate some doc at work.. i just need help from Shan to proof read for me..
coz my Chinese sucks hahah.. so bad.. i defintely know lots of Chinese words and grammar and
our culture.. but.. i dont know why my Chinese is just... blehhhh.. =) i guess it's okay as long as i speak
perfect Cantonese and nice Mandarin. so.. i wonder if i can just go back to my story. the name was..
"小丸子穿著短褲去長征"

my sister Leggy kept playing a song... "My Angel 專屬天使"-Tank
this song name doesnt only mean "my angel," it's actually more. it should mean..
"the angel whose only belongs to me."

then it's the Taiwanese version of some Japanese TV dramma we had been watching over months.
we like it, coz it was so funny and it shows the youth, how the teenagers screw their lifes ahaha no..
just kidding.. they dont screw up, but they shine. coz of the youth, it all pays off.
humm the Taiwanese version theme song is talking about an angel. she is the special angel.
she's the only girl in the boy school, coz she faked. she sneek in the boy school for only one thing.
she was there to see that guy, who has saved her life. and coz of that, that guy hurted his leg,
and so he refused to carry on his sport competetion. he used to be some legend.. so.. the girl fly back
to Japan from US so as to... find him out.

for me, this song means more. it's not about the TV.. but about my heart that i've given out for someone.
then.. it's already obvious enough that... who i ve been giving in to.. hummm.. i dont think i am an angel.
maybe i'm not an angel yet.. but.. i'm willing to give in all of my best to the person i love, coz he is so
special, just so special for me. however... you cant be sure if that person really understand or like
what i'm doing right? like... what if the person doesnt appreciate at all, then am i just being a fool?

in this MTV, they have the English translation... even though it's not perfect but.. yea.. not too bad.
honestly, i dont quite know who have been visiting my diary here. maybe they can read Chinese,
maybe they cant... and the ppl who have been here didnt really let me know they have been reading
my diary. i wonder if they are my friends or some ppl i dont even know. i wonder how ppl get my
password. well maybe it's me too navie to trust on this little password trick. anyway... if you dont
wanna let me know who you are, then.. it's okay.. say hi to you first =)



i miss him..
it's like.. i aready belong to him.. and i hate this kind of feelings. it's like.. i like it and i hate it.

>>August 6, 2008 at 5:50:23 PM GMT+8

2008 年 8 月 4 日 星期一 【晴】

Elizabeth: "Why do you keep them? You should just throw them out."
Jeremy: "No. No, I couldn't do that."
Elizabeth: "Why not?"

Jeremy: "If I threw these keys away then those doors would be closed forever and that shouldn't be
up to me to decide, should it?"
Elizabeth: "I guess I'm just looking for a reason."

Jeremy: "From my observations, sometimes it's better off not knowing, and other times there's no
reason to be found."
Elizabeth: "Everything has a reason."

Jeremy: "Hmm. It's like these pies and cakes. At the end of every night, the cheesecake and the apple
pie are always completely gone. The peach cobbler and the chocolate mousse cake are nearly
finished... but there's always a whole blueberry pie left untouched."

Elizabeth: "So what's wrong with the Blueberry Pie?"
Jeremy: "There's nothing wrong with the Blueberry Pie, just people make other choices.
You can't blame the Blueberry Pie, it's just... no one wants it."


Katya: "Sometimes, even if you have the keys those doors still can't be opened. Can they?"
Jeremy: "Even if the door is open, the person you're looking for may not be there, Katya."

Elizabeth: "It took me nearly a year to get here. It wasn't so hard to cross that street after all, it all
depends on who's waiting for you on the other side."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it was the qoutes from the movie, "My Blueberry Night." it was not a romantic movie, but more like..
the journal from a girl... Elizabeth. she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her for a piece of
prok chop, but she didnt have the guts to go confront him. she just walked away. coz she doesnt
know how to say good bye to someone she loves. then she went to a cafe.. she met the owner,
Jeremy. she tasted the blueberry pie, and she was suprised that no one touch the blueberry pie.
and so, she visited the cafe to have blueberry pie and chat with Jeremy. she decided to go on road
trip. she said she took the longest way the cross the longest road. she got on the bus, goes wherever
it takes her to.. and work at there, saved some money to explore more places.. just as to keep herself
busy and getting her ex of her mind. she saw many different ppl, learnt lots of life lessons from diff
ppl who had intersting stories with their lifes. everyone share with her something. she has been to
differnt places, and once awhile, she sends Jeremy post card regularly, just for having someone to
listen to her road trip story. Jeremy have been very excited and happy to hear from her, and he has
tried many many ways to reach her. he even searched her name on the yellowbook, then called to
different restuarnts she has worked in.. to look for her... but.. fail.
then one day, she just had enough money, and she went back to the cafe.. and actually she was here
before, she didnt just leave the town like that. but that time she didnt go in, she closed the door..
coz she thought if she went in again, then it would always be the old Elizabeth. she wanted to run
away, coz she wanted to see someting new, to find herself. she's back anyway.. he still makes
blueberry pie everyday just in case she would be back one day. they had dinner.. and... they had the
blueberry kiss. the movie is not very romantic as in hummmm it's more like the.. life and love between
different ppl. it reminds me of "Love Actually." but not like that.. this movie is very special..

there are many messages from this movie. about the cafe.. many ppl left their keys there when they
broke up with ppl, then some keys would be just taken, some would never be taken back.. some ppl
just moved on, some just remain the same. some ppl refuse to love, coz they are so afraid. some ppl
hate their family but actually they love their family. some ppl shut the door, some ppl open their door
but... wrong in time.. too little too late.

even though you have the key, you still cant open the door, coz the person behind the door is no longer
there waiting for you. sometimes it's not the problem of the person, she's definitely lovely, but just..
ppl dont want her, ppl want others. it took a long long time to get here, but actually it's not that hard.
it depends on who is waiting for you in the future.
i used to be the girl who is always wanting the truth. if i am not satisfied with the answer i need, like
if i cant find the answer, i wont let go. i think everything have some reasons, i still believe in it. but then
"sometimes it's better not knowing, sometimes there are no reasons to know the truth." well... i guess..
in time, we would all figure out the truth.. just... in time... somehow.. someday. maybe dont even need
to spend an effort, it would come back hitting you right ahead.. when you re not prepared.. it just came
back unexpectedly. that's surprise in life.

in the movie.. Leslie said... "you still havent learnt something from me in these few days? you shouldnt
trust ppl so easily." Elizabeth said " maybe you should." and she's glad that she didnt believe in what
Lesilie said.


then at night, i watched another movie...
" Memoirs Of A Geisha "
hummmm no doubt that... i really like the elegant manner of Japanese women. and then.. i really really
admire them. they could worship the guys, and get the guys do so much so much for them. it's not
the power made them so lovely.. it's not their smartness or cuteness made them sucessful..
if they get the guy, then they could live in a much better life.. so.. what's the secret behind? it's... tricky.
guys actually dont worship women, but when they're so crazy for them, they do love them, yea?
so.. it's the gender role differences. i dont think the guys here in HK can expect the HK girls would be
as gentle as the sheeps. i wouldnt deny how bitchy HK girls could be now... well not necessary in
the evil way, but the attitude and behaviors... we're no longer the old traditional Chinese women like.
humm it's sad.. coz.. for myself.. i do like the beauty of the old traditional women. not the outlook but
i mean inside.. well i dont like their evil side but.. their good manner and gentelness. however... this
society is teaching us another thing, and it's not only about HK. it's global. so.. if the guys wanna blame,
blame those terrible guys who made the women wanna be much stronger than before we used to be.
lots of girls could just act like guys now.. having more boyish characteristics.. hummm... so...
which kind of girl am i? blending? haha.. i dont know... i wanna be the sheep woman, especaily when
i'm around Stephen. i dont really wanna be the strongest woman in the world. but then guys are very
complicated and demanding as well. when they have one thing, they want more, they want other things.
when they have the nice and sweet girl, they would start to want more, they want the hot and sexy
wild girl who can strip and perform excellent sex. once they have a good family with the perfect
wife, they start to wonder having some little mistress. so... being wise.. as a girl.. i wish i could have
multiple personalties, and able to plays differnt roles. but then in this way, i would be so tired always
guessing what the guys like and trying to be perfect all the time. who am i then? why my life would be
running after guy all the time? it's like... i would love to entertain the guy i love, but... i guess... there are
more i can and i should do for my life.

i think i need a guy... something more than just the happy happy time. i need someone who is willing to
be there for me, with me. who would love me as much as i love him. treat me as well as i treat him.
someone who can see who i really am, what i have. and i'm willing to give him every of my best,
to share every great and worst moments of my life, creating the fun and loving future with him.
as simple as... that guy would know how to love me and appreciate me as much as i do. make me
happy, and be happy to be with me. i guess i'm not asking too much. it's nothing to do with materials
or money. it's more like something you have or not in ordinary when we're together.

tomorrow i would need to be back to work. hummm today i just stayed home all day.. watching movies
and sleeping and eatting. i just need some time to stay home, sleeping, resting.

>>August 5, 2008 at 5:05:11 PM GMT+8