2010 年 10 月 21 日 星期四 【晴】









>>October 22, 2010 at 1:34:12 PM GMT+8

2010 年 10 月 20 日 星期三 【晴】

i m so tired today...
slept late, got up at 6 am... working plus tutoring..
my schedule has changed from the late shift to the earliest and the early shift. sigh.

i got some bad customer today. hate ppl being mean, especially if it's a guy.
i was at the office building counter. some guy with his secretary came asking about the
floor of the company he was visiting. i asked him if he minds to write down the name for me,
so i could check it for him. he said the company name twice i still couldnt get him.
then he smiled and said he was surprised this high tech building would require him
writing. i just smiled and did my job. i checked for him and told him i would write down the
levels of that company for him. then asked me why not just tell him instead of writing it.
coz for me, i was told to do so to protect myself. so if he turned around and said
i provided wrong information then i wont be tossed. fuck him. i told him it's on the xx th and
xx th floor. then he walked away. then his secretary smiled embarrassedly. i was smiling
embarrassingly. FUCK HIM.

anyway... i was really tired and stressed... we went for a drink after work..
*L, *C, *F and me. it was soooooo funny. we talked about work and funny stuffs, it was
really funny, and we played on phone. we phoned back to work, and pretended someone
else and joked around with *My and *Rn. it was so funny.. *F does look like ms. Sunday.
hahaha... and yea... i have checked about the 1st Fitness. its not really that good but
really expensive, so i will check the other one on Sat before work. i have to choose
some place which has the Central branch or nearby Central, so i could just work out
before work.

hummmmm...........................

i havent seen honey on line for a few days already.. is he alright?
i think of him everyday. *My told me about her ex-bf and new bf. she is confused, she
doesnt know who she wants. i think...... it's better for her to just cool down for a few
days and give herself some time to see what she really wants. sometimes if we dont
go through some difficult time, we wont grow up. those are like the turning points,
you can say that's the opportunities for you to reveal your true self, if you want some
new way out or stick tot the same place with the same ppl.

i m very tired these days......... really tired but i have to be tough and.... work harder.
i wanna be better at work but i m not that great. i dont wanna be the worst one,
i wanna be the great one. then they always think i m so young and fresh. they think
i m 22 only. they think i look pretty cute and young. for me, its not true.

i dont really tell much about my personal life as in.... i dont share much about my feelings
or what i see about things. i talk about lots of stuffs at work, things in general, my general
opinions, but i dont talk about secrets or things that show my inner side. i mean.. i dont
mind to get closer with them in my personal life, but it's a work place, and i think...
there are things that they should know about me and they can know about me.
there are things that they shouldnt know and i dont want them to know about.
not hiding anything with any bad intentions, just the fact that they can think whatever
they want about me. the truth is, i dont get involved with the answer from my mouth.
i think even if i explain to them they wont believe me or they would have a total different
view. so, i dont care.

like they asked those questions about me last night, i just told them how i felt and thought.
very straight forward, but they dont see it, they cant erase that cute and young image
about me off their mind, so.... what can i say ? haha.. dude, whatever..

i miss my honey.
i always wonder when i can see him again. i really wanna hug him and kiss him.
sometimes i do tear up when i think of him, coz i really miss him lots.
i would love to visit him soon.. and i hope he would be here soon someday.

hummm tomorrow i would be off, i just wanna sleep in, then rest, then i have to go to
Ching Ching's home for tutoring. hummmm... i wanna walk around Tai Po though..
i dont know.

>>October 21, 2010 at 6:01:36 PM GMT+8

2010 年 10 月 17 日 星期日 【晴】

hi...

i m exhausted.. really..
dont know why today was so busy at wok... i was on my own the whole day.
no more partner with me now. i m independent now. ahhhhhhhhh i dont want it..
i only had 1 hr with someone, it was *C. its okay, she's not harsh to me anymore..
i saw *L today, chatted with him for a short while when he came pick me up at the N. Concierge.
*Rn was on the early shift with me. she and i are like sharing the half work load of the
early shift. got to do the report... we were short of ppl, then the office counter 1 was closed today.
so, *Rn and i were always rotating between office building counter 2 and the S. Concierge.
S. Con is usually not as busy, but this morning when i was opening, it was so crazy
busy. from 9 to 10 30 am, i was never free for 1 min. ppl kept coming and passing by,
one question, two questions, a few car park redemptions, a few long enquires or reservation
making, then the Shift i/c didnt sign the passport record paper, then there were a few ppl
looking for some offices that i have no ideas what they are.. so.... everything was happening
at the same time, and i was alone there. it was crazy. then C 2's server wasnt working right.
it took forever to download the files and stuffs. wanna just break it and stuff things in there.
some person, the tenant brought me the access card asking why it's not working..
after some troubles and procedures then found out it was her own problem. she didnt
register at the first beginning, of course the card wont work.

i had lunch by myself... it was ok...

then after work... i just ran to the bus station... took bus to come back to T. P.
had tutoring with Ching Ching. i was so late coz of the traffic. hate it so much...
i fell asleep on the bus. i was really asleep. it's crazy. i m really tired...
i got up at 6, left home ard 7 am... reached the office ard 8 30... left the office ard
6 sth... got to Ching Ching's home almost 8 pm... fuck.... finished at 9 30... got home
at 10. i m dying.

i really wanna start the gym soon. i m waiting for my pay cheque...
then i would start my work-out plan..

i miss my honey :(
he is on line now... ahhhhh i really miss him lots.. sigh.

>>October 18, 2010 at 5:10:06 PM GMT+8

2010 年 10 月 16 日 星期六 【晴】

why trying to guess who i am? does it really matter to you?
yea, this is just part of me that you would need to know about.
not coz i dont wanna be myself, but yea i m showing you pretty much my characters at work.

maybe... i m hiding some parts of myself in front of them...
but ... of course. coz this is all they need to know about me. i m here to work. this is part of
my life, and so you are seeing the part of me, not all. i dont mind to get to know ppl more,
or let ppl knowing me more, but... at the same time i wonder why you need to know so much
about me. maybe i m escaping from something. my work place is sort of a paradise, not really
a paradise but a place for me to stay out of my messy mind. i dont want to get too much
personal stuffs involved coz once my protection shield is broken then i m done. i am still being
myself, nothing much is different. i m just not talking much about myself and things about
me. i just dont want to. coz it's personal and i dont want to show everything of me to
everyone at work. you may say i m insecure, whatever you wanna say it. if i m close with
you then i might tell you more, otherwise no....

i'm glad that *Mn, *My, and *Rn are being very nice to me.. also other team mates except *R..
they have been helping me lots. but about *H, noooo i dont like to talk too much about
my personal stuffs with him. i like working with him coz he's smart but then other than
that he is just weird sometimes.

anyway.... today my family came to pick me up at work... so... after work... we hang
around then took ferry back to TST, and had dinner together. ha, it was okay...

i would need to get a new pair of sport shoes, and then.... also a pair of comfy shoes
that i can wear daily to work.. i mean... a flat shoes a comfortable one. coz i do need to
walk so much everyday to get to work and get home. and yea.. no more heels or
flip flops. Fall and winter are coming. then i need to check out the gym info again..
i m not qualified for the Gov sport centre one. private gym is expensive, but it's good
to get there, coz it's just 5 mins walk from my work place, and then i can just go
exercise in the morning before work if i have the late shift. yea... but i need to know
the price first. and they have a 7 days free trail pass for me. so yea... i m thinking to
register there..

i m going to bed.
tomorrow would work from 9 to 6, but have tutoring right afterward from 7 30 to 9 pm...
so.. i need to get up by 8... doing my make up and hair, then make breakfast and coffee
with tv.. my everyday is in a routine now. i just wanna add my lunch making and exercise
in my routine now. yea, it's time now.. coz it's been a month since i work here. so yea,
it's time now. and i need to catch up with the stuffs i m not good enough at work.
i m getting better and better now, but yea... need some more time i guess..

going to bed first...

where is my honey?

>>October 17, 2010 at 4:55:29 PM GMT+8

2010 年 10 月 15 日 星期五 【晴】

hi there..
i m very tired today.....

i started taking supplements, V-B complex, calcium, magnesium, and zinc.
hummmm i had 1coffee today only, i used to have 2 giant cups..
but yea... i had a banana in the morning, then the supplements, then lunch time i had a muffin
and some soya milk.. then the report time i had an egg tart and some biscuits. i was very
hungry. then.... back home i just had some fried chicken wings and some potato salad.

its busy at work today. i like busy, coz time passes fast. but then... yea... fucking hate working
with *R. she's the pain in the ass when she's normal, then she turns to a fucking bitch
all of the sudden. i was really close to tell her to shut up. i cant stand ppl being that rude
to me especially at work, at the same position as me. i really have to think of some ways
to tell her or let her know she cant talk to me like that.

she would order me to do stuffs in the very bad manner, she is rude to the customers
whenever she likes. she flirts with male rich customers or good looking customers.
she kisses all managers' asses. i dont know why i have to take her terrible words
and her bitchy face and tones. it's so hard to work with her sometimes. she does her
own personal things. she is always doing her sms, always checking sites on the
internet. always ordering me to do stuffs. i m like.... really dont wanna work with her.
i ignored her when she's rude. but sometimes i was really annoyed. she's not higher
than me or anything, why is she being so rude and bitchy to me?


*My, *Mn, and me. we were at the N. Concierge. haha..
some ppl do deserve our fingers without a doubt... not only for those terrible customers,
also for the other bad bad bad ppl.

*H was talking with me today. he said i looked sad today, he could sense that..
i asked him how he knew. he said he could sense that. i didnt tell him why though.
he told me lots of stuffs, hummm as in..... like i would need to be more confident about
how i guide the customers to the places they wanna go. he said i should be familiar
with the roads, places and shops now. i should be be able to give clear direction now.
he wants me to be more confident. well...............................................

honey must be very busy... or maybe for some reasons, he doesnt wanna or cant talk
with me again.

>>October 16, 2010 at 4:26:06 PM GMT+8

2010 年 10 月 14 日 星期四 【晴】

today... i got up ard 1 sth pm... i couldnt sleep last night...
then i finally made some potato salad... it tasted so good. then i did some cleaning..
i have tutoring in the evening. so tired. then, after that i went to the book store..
Ching Ching was not paying attention today. maybe she's too tired from school.
poor little kid.

yesterday at work, hummm *H was asking the same thing.. but then i got 2 hrs working
with him. then he asked me if i m always that polite and elegant. i told him i did swear.
he said he'd never heard me. he told me to show him who i was, coz he thought the
real me must be very easy going and fun. i told him i might, but at work its different.
i asked him how he felt working with me. he turned nervous then said like it's alright
but he thought i was acting all polite and elegant but he thought i was a nice person
to work with. he said i didnt have any bad intention towards people. i asked him if he
found me fake then. he said no. then he did ask about if anyone bullied me. he said
i looked like a very gentle and easy to be used. i didnt say much.

last night honey and i talked... hee... i like flirting with him. but it's different from before.
i mean..... he changed. seems like he wouldnt go far with me now. dont know why..

my schedule would start going crazy from tomorrow. everyday has different schedule.
Ching Ching's classes are all fixed, but Ms. Cheng's classes are all not confirmed...
from tomorrow my schedule would be 11-8, then Sun 9-6, Mon 9-6 plus tutoring, Tue 10-7,
Wed 8-5, Thurs 9-6, Fri off but tutoring, Sat 1-10, Sun 1-10, Mon 9-6, Tue off but tutoring,
Wed 1- 10, Thurs 11- 8, then ..... Fri 8- 5 plus tutoring, Sat 9-6, Sun 9-6. Gees....
i would be sooooo tired....

>>October 15, 2010 at 4:46:50 PM GMT+8

2010 年 10 月 12 日 星期二 【晴】

i miss my honey.

i really would like to see him... and..... i did see the picture that one day we would go on
vacation together. it would be really nice... i know he likes cruise ship, and i have never
went on any cruises before. i wanna go there, and i want to go there with him.

sometime at work when it's not busy, i would talk with my work mates... then when i saw
the cruise floating outside at the harbor, i would just think about honey.. then last time i
asked my work mate a stupid question... i asked *My if she thinks my honey would show
up in the mall one day to surprise me. she looked at me and got confused. haha.. she said
she didnt know. i told her yea i know. hahaha... i told her i'm just wondering what if he would,
i would be really happy and surprised. then she told me *Rn and *Mn' bfs they did come
sometimes to check on *Rn and *Mn. *Mn's bf got some weird fantasy about uniform.
so, he would come hide somewhere looking at *Mn till she noticed him. haha i think that's
a bit creepy. haha.. but anyway, yea... i miss him and the day we were together.

there were lots of stuffs i couldnt do or didnt wanna do coz of the situation. sometimes
i just couldnt coz i wasnt used to the changes in my life, sometimes coz i was very
pissed off or just too much to handle at once. i was guilty, i was hurt. i saw her always,
so..... either way i didnt feel like i had a bf somehow. i wanna be proactive and a bit more
aggressive to him, i wanna be his sweet gf, i wanna be gentle and nice and cute and
sexy, i wanna be me but it was hard. but then when i m home now... i got new jobs, i got
my family, i become independent again.. actually even more independent from before.
coz i dont really need my mom to help me except the laundry coz i m out everyday and
we dont use dryer in hk. but yea.... do i wanna be his girl? absolutely. do i wanna live
with him? yes for sure. but would we be like... living together or just... i dont know..
somehow i did feel like we were housemate more than a couple. really. but... yea..
i dont know... it might take a while for us to learn to live with each others. but i m still
hopeful and positive towards our future.

i should go to bed soon...

*H asked me again the same que... he asked if i feel alright working here, which part
is more difficult for me........... i was like........ hummmmmmmm......... actually my
answer is same as everyday. why asking me the same question everytime you see me
when you know exactly where the problem is with me. haha.. i didnt say it. i just told
him again the exact same answer. and he was explaining to me to see if i had hard
feelings when *Me was teaching me about the directions. i told him it's okay, i do
understand, and yea i do pay more attention afterward. i m trying and studying more
these days, hopefully i could pick up everything pretty soon. i dont wanna bring any
problems to you guys. dont worry i m okay.

>>October 13, 2010 at 6:16:51 PM GMT+8

2010 年 10 月 11 日 星期一 【晴】

i read an interview on line today from Eason Chan and his bitchy wife...
sometimes i dont know if they are speaking the truth of themselves or just telling some
stories they create to make themselves look good. either way, there are something
interesting.. its like... maybe ppl dont do it or dont say it so often, but you know somehow
it's true.''

“當你真心愛一個人，當你意識到生命的脆弱，為對方改變自己就是一件很自然很容易的事情。
一個女人要非常非常愛你才會為你孕育生命，因為新的生命會延續我們的愛，在我們百年之後
讓愛延續下去。生活無小事。任何一件細微的事情，都是對愛人心靈的慰藉，都是愛情的養分。

when you truly love someone, and when you are aware of how easy it could be to lose a life,
then life changes could easily happen to you, as in your attitude towards the person you love
and life would change. if a woman is willing to have a family and kids with you, she must love
you so much, coz the new born babies would deliver the heritage to the next generation, even
after hundreds of years, the love would continue. there's no ''such a small thing'' in the daily
basis. even if it's just a tiny little thing, a small treat, or just a candy, it could mean a lot to
the person who loves you and cares about you so much. these are all the nutrients of life
and for your behalf.''


hummmm...

today at work is getting a bit easier, coz... i dont have to deal with the difficult ppl...
but then.... i still got training hrs i dont know why. then *Me and *H were walking with me.
omg, i failed 3 questions. it's not good enough coz i m supposed to be 100% right.
at night, when we finished, *H, *My and i walked back to the control room to hand over
reports, keys, and stuffs... then *H told me to really have to spend more time to study
those maps and shit. he said it's really important and very basic. for me, i do know about
it, and i start to wonder wether i m really sick as in i cant function well on these stuffs
or what is it about? how come i m the only one who cant just be normal in this way?

anyway... lunch time i had a smoothie and some bread. oh i love the banana berry one.
i m just in love with it. but then it's quite expensive to have it... and then i love muffin..
and then i want salad... these are like very easy to get in Central, but then also quite
expensive as well. i would love to make my own one. but i just need more time to do my
shopping on my day off. and i need more time to rest and relax and get my stuffs
organized. sigh. but i would be okay. just need some time to get on track.
i didnt go out to have lunch with *H, *My met up with her bf.. i want my smoothie,
so........ ha... i stay alone with my smoothies. sometimes its actually better to just stay
alone for lunch. so.... i could just sit down and relax instead.

last night, its really weird that i had the super bad nightmare...
i dreamt of myself getting kidnapped by Nelson. it's like... so weird, just so weird..
maybe i have been really stressed out? or too tired or why? why Nelson? why he
kidnapped me? ha....... i was almost killed in the dream, and i dreamt that coz Nelson
knew that i loved honey and something weird happened thats why he kidnapped me,
he wanted to kill me. its just really weird. and of course i wouldnt tell Nelson about it.

Henry sms me last night at freaking 2 45 am. i was just asleep coz i couldnt sleep last
night. i finally fell asleep then his sms woke me. and i read it, it said he saw my mesgs
on facebook, why not sleeping yet. he was asking what i was doing. for me it's like...
i posted something on facebook long hrs ago, and it's 2 45am in the morning, who the
hell would sms ppl at 2 45 am in the morning when you know the person needs to
get up and go to work the next day?? he's not someone special to me at all, who the
hell does he think he is? does he just do that to piss me off? SIGH.

>>October 12, 2010 at 5:44:49 PM GMT+8

2010 年 10 月 10 日 星期日 【晴】

if i work 7 days/ week, that's coz i want to be responsible for my life and the people
who mean so much to me. i'm definitely busting my ass right now. i want fun, but i do
keep my heart pure, coz i want so and i say so.



today.... i got up ard 1sth pm.... then rested and went out to get some lunch...
then... came home resting for a bit, then i had 2 tutoring sections.
hummm... very tired... but.... somehow i dont want to stop tutoring.
coz.... once i have started, i got the responsibility to help her, especially the young one
ChingChing. and then for the adult one, yea.... i wanna keep it going too. and then...
of course i care about the money and of course i care about the experience.
coz i like education coz i like psychology, coz i need more money. coz i still want to
help honey, i still want to do something and be ready just in case there's something
i can do to help. and of course i need to pay my student loans. and of course i have to
be responsible for myself, and what about in future? of course i have to think about
future. will i go back to school? will we get marry? will we live together, so many questions
that we would need to figure out. honey always seems like.... telling me i can do
whatever i want, but then for me.... yea i want the freedom, but of course i do
consider him as partner then of course when i wanna make plans for future, i would
think of him and think about him. unless he doesnt want me to, otherwise... of course
i do care about him. i trust him too.

i trust him that he does think for me, but i just dont know if he thinks for her as well.
sometimes i do think he might actually like her too. otherwise how could that happen?
i mean all the stuffs that happened must have the reasons behind. if he does care about
me enough, even if he did have hurt me lots, he would do something. if now he cant,
he will in future, he wont just hurt me and walk away, only if he does care. if i decide to
be with him, then i should trust him. if the person cant be trusted, then i shouldnt even be
with this person. coz if the person doesnt love you, then he would never care about you
as much as he cares about himself. if he does, then... he has to learn what to do.
i think it's same for me... i have to learn how to love him and how to love myself.
i m not very good at it i think. otherwise, how come i always create troubles for him
when i was there.... but i do love him so much, and that's 100% for sure.




>>October 11, 2010 at 5:59:35 PM GMT+8

2010 年 10 月 10 日 星期日 【晴】

all my potatoes gone bad.............................................................
i was planing to make potato salad tomorrow for lunch, then have my tutoring in the evening.
now its like..... SIGH.


today.... at work..... today is *Sn's last day. promotion ends today, so the promotors would
leave. *Sy took a pic with me but he didnt send me yet. hope to see them soon sometime.
they are fun to work with.

anyway, today..... there's no chance to meet with *M and *C, so.... no checking on my
progress or doing assessment with me :) but then, *My helped *L and me in the afternoon.
she took us to walk around the mall again to remember the shops and special routes.
*L had lunch with me today... he's kind of funny sometimes. he said i m funny, i told him
no i m just stupid. anyway, he always tells me shit and funny stuffs, then he would talk
about his friends and life in Cathay. he seldom talks about his gf, but he always says
it's very boring and blah blah. he asked me to introduce him girls. i told him i thought he
is loyal to her, coz thats what he has told me. then he smiled evilly then looked away.
then he said yes, he's loyal to her, always. i smiled back.

anyway.... sometimes i do wonder what if some day honey comes visit me...
what it would be like... i really want to see him soon, like so soon.
i miss him so much :(

>>October 10, 2010 at 4:30:12 PM GMT+8