i m so exhausted...
i fall asleep on the way work and after work on train, even just standing, i fall asleep.
its like... i feel really exhausted. i only got a few hrs sleep every nights.
slept ard 2 sth am, then got up ard 5 sth or 6 sth. today i worked from 8 am to 5 pm, then after
work, i rushed back to Tai Po to Ching Ching's home by 6 40pm. i had tutoring with her tonight.
i was soooo sleepy, i was falling asleep. i tried so hard to concentrate.
when i got home ard 8 sth, i just took a shower and went to bed.... till just now ard 11th, mom
woke me to see if i still want dinner. so i just got up and eat. tomorrow would be the same
schedule but heading to the gym after work. i think i m crazy. i should rest more.
i m sick... feeling dizzy today at work... that crazy guy called again, he called a several times.
my coworkers picked up a few after i did. then i answered his call, he asked about those
general questions again, then he asked if he could meet me somewhere outside the mall.
i paused, then i told him if he had any more enquiries he could come see us instead. then he
hung up.
then, i dont know what's been going on. how did the other team ppl know me?
*Py came talk to me at the counter... he asked me how to pronounce my name. i told him..
then he asked me if my voice is always so sweet. i told him oh thanks, i didnt think of that.
then he said his friend checked me out and wanna know me more but didnt know how to
pronounce my name. i was like ohhhhhh i see. i didnt know both him or his friend. i just
knew there are lots of ppl in their team and i dont get involved with them except work.
i was kind of surprised he was just upfront telling me his friend checked on me and found
me okay. the thing is i have talked with him once or twice long time ago during training,
that's it. i dont even remember his name. he just came talking to me about his friend? weird..
my body hurts lots.. my back, my legs, my knees, my feet.. and i m feeling dizzy now.
i need my day off..
i havent seen honey on line for a few days.. i guess he must be very busy.
busy with work, busy with the people i guess.. and i have been thinking a lot these dew days.
i dont know what to say, i m just thinking of lots of things. i should go back to sleep now..
write more later.
>>November 17, 2010 at 4:51:03 PM GMT+8
2010 年 11 月 15 日 星期一 【晴】
i had a long long day today...
9 am to 6 pm, then tutoring.. it was kind of tough at work today.
i start to not like working with *H. he's just strange.
but we have a new staff today, yay.. more ppl to join, less busy we would be.
some weird guy came telling me i looked very sweet. he took some candies from me..
then i said thank, then he said that again.. for me it's like... dude, take your candies and piss off.
dont bother me, i have tonz of stuffs going on right now. he wanted to talk more, i just started
to ignore him and do my own stuffs. then he walked away. some guy called this morning,
i wonder if it's the same person. that guy called and asked about the christmas decoration
and promotion. then he asked for my name. i told him and he said he would come look for
me. i was like, okay sir, if you have any questions or enquiries, please feel free to contact
me again. well.. these days, ppl are just crazy. really.
tomorrow would be the early shift again... 8am to 5pm, then tutoring again at night.
i m tired, but...... yea.... i m just doing what i should do i guess..
brb.. shower first.
>>November 16, 2010 at 3:55:04 PM GMT+8
2010 年 11 月 14 日 星期日 【晴】
在東京鐵塔 第一次眺望 看燈火模仿 墜落的星光
我終於到達 但卻更悲傷 一個人完成 我們的夢想
this is the first time i stand in front of the tokyo tower, the light looks like the falling stars.
i m finally here, but it makes everything sad. it used to be our dream but you are gone.
你總說 時間還很多 你可以等我
以前我不懂得 未必明天 就有以後
you used to say you have lots of time, you could wait.
i didnt understand, i always thought there always be a brand new day.
想念是會呼吸的痛 它活在我身上所有角落
哼你愛的歌會痛 看你的信會痛 連沈默也痛
when i breath, the pain would go through my whole body, like living in there.
it hurts when i sing your fav song, it hurts when i read your words, it hurts even more in silence.
遺憾是會呼吸的痛 它流在血液中來回滾動
後悔不貼心會痛 恨不懂你會痛 想見不能見最痛
our end is the pain that would go into the vein, forth and back to my body.
i regret i wasnt understanding enough, i hate i wasnt there for you, and the most
painful thing is i really wanna see you now but i cant.
沒看你臉上 張揚過哀傷 那是種多麼 寂寞的倔強
你拆了城牆 讓我去流浪 在原地等我 把自己綑綁
i have never seen you sad. but actually you were just covering your lonely face.
you put down your guard, and let me do whatever i want go wherever i want.
you stay at the place you were, waiting for me, you isolate yourself for me.
你沒說 你也會軟弱 需要倚賴我
我就裝不曉得 自由移動 自我地過
you didnt tell me you need me coz you would be weak.
then i took you for granted, i just do my things, stay free, living in my own life.
我發誓不再說謊了 多愛你就會抱你多緊的 我的微笑都假了 靈魂像飄浮著 你在就好了
我發誓不讓你等候 陪你做想做的無論什麼 我越來越像貝殼 怕心被人觸碰 你回來那就好了
i swear i wont lie anymore. i would hold you tight, as tight as much as i love you.
i m soul less now, i dont know what i m doing, i cant do nothing, no smile nothing,
where are you? i swear i wont let you wait. whatever you wanna do i would do the
same for you. i m so weak that cant be touched. it would be so great if you are back.
yesterday i worked early in the morning... then after work i went out with my family.
we had dinner at the airport then went to the Asia Expo to see the exhibition.
i was very tired... then... yea... came home.. i got like 11 hrs sleep?
then... had lunch with Miki and dad.. then came home resting..
i made some guacamole just now. it was okay...
humm.. christmas is coming soon next month. our mall has started the decoration already.
i miss him.. i miss Steveston, i miss the food he made. i miss him so much.
i miss the lights and christmas songs. i miss his turkey with the cranberry sauce.
i miss the shows we used to watch together, i miss the time we had, i miss the pathway
in Steveston, i miss the time we walked together. but he does these with everyone.
i knew, and i chose to trust him. but i dont understand why it still hurts. he said like i m
different from the others. he said that to them too. he said he's honest with me and he lied
to them. i bet sometimes he does lie to me, and he doesnt lie to them for everything.
and i'm surprised that he would actually said he loved her to her. and when he said that
to me, that somehow just makes me think that i m no different from anyone else in his life.
i dont know if its true or what. it does hurts me when i just think about it. how can you
just say it when you dont mean it at all. if you ever know and realize how this magic word
works for your feeling, if you have experienced it with the person you really love, then how
can you just say it to someone else when you dont mean it?
if he has to lie and make me believe in him, then why does he tell me these?
or he's just telling me the part of truth so that he can get my total trust instead of hesitating
him? this is not what i've thought about him. not at all. but what he told me that night...
it just.... i dont know what to say.
i've known him for years already. it doesnt make sense if i say today i just find out who
he is. yes, i've known him for years already, and i was living with him for awhile too.
i know so much about him, i live with him, and today... do i still need to doubt who this
person is? someone i have been in love with for years? Cas, what the fuck are you thinking
and doing? no, i should ask why he has to say that to her? it seems like he's happier with
them than with me. when i just think about yes she's living with him now. it just...
makes me feel so uncomfortable. right, what if i 'm living with whoever guy likes me
and we are sleeping together and hanging out, how is he gonna think? yea i would tell that
guy the same i love him, then what's gonna happen next?
forget it, i just wanna go to bed now.
>>November 15, 2010 at 5:10:01 PM GMT+8
2010 年 11 月 12 日 星期五 【晴】
hi there..
i m at work now. today i got 3 hrs at the office tower front desk. strange...
Miki left home with me today, we took train together. it's nice to have a accompany.
mom and dad were not home last night.. so this morning, which was ard 6 am, then
i got up washing up and putting make up on, changing and stuffs, then i needed to
take care of the kitchen a bit.. preparing hot and cold water, throwing garbage out,
then needed to check if Miki and Leggy got enough money for their lunches today.
before i left home, i made sure Leggy was up already..
las tnight honey and i were chatting and then we have talked about ''her''
you love that person, and of course you trust him. i have no doubt regarding my trust
to him. but it's just really uncomfortable looking at the whole situation and myself.
two complex individuals are in love and spending their life time together, and one life is
difficult enough, complicated enough. two different individuals plus different other ppl
coming acorss the relationship, it's just heavy and ... stressful. coz for me, i cant lie
and i dont want to lie. and it's like.... i would be lost.
yea.. it's like... we're already being apart. sometimes i do feel lonely and feels like i do need
him. but then once i come home, and there she moved in which ''was a surprise''.
with all the bullshit and lies between them, infront of me when i was there, till now i m home
and she lived there. if i say i m cool with it, what else should i say to myself?
please tell me what is right or wrong... good ppl do bad things, bad ppl arent always bad.
there's no absolute right or wrong, anything could be true or false somehow, the true
answer only depends on how you perceive it. if happiness is short, sadness wont be
long as well. but how come i always think of him? if i miss him so much everyday, at least
i should have a limit for myself, if i m gonna cry, at least i should stop when it's time to stop.
tears shouldnt be shed easily, although it's so hard to hold.
when i knew that he actually said that to her... in my heart it's like something stabbing in.
he might not understand how i feel, and i cant tell him it's really painful to hear.
coz i m the one who cares about these, and they probably dont.
i m so sorry if it's my bad.. if i m wrong, then i m so sorry i dont know what i should think
or feel. maybe i just need some time. just do my own things, Cas, chill out.
---------
sorry for the angry words this morning.
1 50 am
>>November 13, 2010 at 5:50:56 PM GMT+8
2010 年 11 月 11 日 星期四 【晴】
today is the remembrance day in Vancouver..
i remember last time i was there, i was always searching and wondering what it was..
and then, finally when the day came, honey didnt need to go to work then i asked him why
he didnt go to work. then he wondered how i could ask that stupid question after all the
research and discussion done. i just laughed, i was happy we had an extra day off.
this year, i m not doing much except reading articles on line and do more research on it.
tomorrow we would have some event here, but i would be at work, so i dont know if i
would be able to go.
few days ago, i was working with *L in my last 3 hrs. we talked a lot. he told me about
his life and his gf... then... we talked more, and he revealed more personal things about
himself to me. hummmm... then when i came home, i talked with honey about our conversation.
i guess, the thing is........... i start to realize i should trust my eyes. ppl do lie well, and when
you look into their eyes and their expression, you can sense wether that person is hiding
something or being honest. then the more assertive you are, the more accurate answers
you would find. unless you are too emotional or having transference, otherwise you
should trust your eyes.
hummm guys.... really.... really are always lying. i dont know and dont wanna think about
if my dad is one of the kind, coz as far as i know, guys do tend to cheat...
but i also know my dad is the kind of person he would kill the chances before even
getting it. i dont know...
*Mn and *Rn both told me their bf problems. hummmmmmmmmm... i thought their bfs were
very nice and loyal to them, but actually no... they do cheat on them and they dont believe
it after it has happened again and again. then now *Mn found out the sec time..
and a few weeks ago, *Rn has been doubting on hers. so........ i dont know...
i just dont like the idea that they lie... i used to think if the guys lie, that means they do care
about the girl. but then yea... you dont want to hurt her then dont do that. if you do then
dont lie, coz.... its just even worse. guys always think they could lie well and cover up
everything. this is just stupid. *Mn told me she wished him lied better and never let her
caught him. she said he was crying to her and begging her. i was like oh no....
i didnt know what to say, didnt think i should say much. i just looked at her, stoked her arms.
i wanted to give her a hug but i shouldnt at work.. hope she would be feeling better soon.
mom and dad arent home tonight.......... only the three of us here..
i ordered pizza.. it's been the first time i have pizza since i left Van. i didnt usually have
pizza there, only sometimes, not that i dont like it, but..... didnt feel comfortable to have it.
i just miss vancouver a lot actually. i miss steveston the most. coz... there are so much
unforgettable memories. the happy one, the bad one, the sad one, the lonely one, the
angry one, the relaxing one, most likely the lonely one suits me the most. i walk alone,
i do whatever alone. i even cried there alone. once i was too angry, i ran into something
i didnt wanna see. that few blocks to home was like... i didnt even notice the traffic.
i just kept walking and running. i was sort of blank coz i was really messy, my mind was
so messy and i just knew i needed to go home, i needed to stay alone and make up my
mind wether coming home straight or what i should do. i always do my crying alone when
i was out. i couldnt control myself sometimes.
anyway....
life is very complicated.
somehow i think ppl should embrace themselves and their sexuality.
but they shouldnt be rude or impolite to the others. they shouldnt lie to the ppl especially those
they love and care. its much harder done than said.. but well, embrace yourself and love
yourself, coz there's no one else would love you the way you do to yourself.
>>November 12, 2010 at 5:26:01 PM GMT+8
2010 年 11 月 9 日 星期二 【晴】
yesterday was kind of busy... but then i got 4 hrs working alone..
then at night, i had 1 hr with *Rn, 3 hrs with *H.
before work, i went to the gym, it was good.. i was just tired but still alright..
feel like having more energy after gym, but i m still tired.
last night at work was okay, very busy coz we got the big event last night.
then, *H's gf brought us some cake. haha.
i chatted with honey last night. nice. we were talking about going to Japan and things like that.
i wanna see him soon, and once i see Connie from the H R Dept, then i would ask her for
more details on my annual leaves.. then i wanna know about my sick leaves and stuffs as well.
the 2nd day of the late shift this week..
its alright... late shift allows me to get up late, so i could have more rest.
but then at work at night sometimes is the pain in the ass, and also very tiring once it hits
ard 7 pm... humm good and bad. but i do like going to work out on my late shift day rather
than after work on a early shift day.
going to work first..
brb.
Sex--and culture, politics, psychology--and sex.
by Marty Klein, PhD
Science Shows What Sexual Repression Actually Looks Like
Data on porn use demonstrate what sexual repression looks like.
Published on November 8, 2010
With the recent election still echoing in everyone's ears, and pundits pundificating about how
conservative the country really is, this is a good time to remember the major study done about
online pornography subscriptions just 18 months ago.
As reported in the Journal of Economic Perspectives,
* The rates at which people buy pornography are not wildly different from state to state;
* States where people vote for conservative candidates buy more porn than states in which
people vote for progressive candidates.
And yes, this is after adjusting for factors including broadband access, income, and population.
According to credit card receipts from a national provider of adult entertainment, eight of the
top ten pornography-consuming states went Republican in the 2008 election. And the trend
goes beyond voting. For example, states where a majority of residents agreed with the statement
"I have old-fashioned values about family and marriage" bought more subscriptions per thousand
people than states where a majority disagreed. The same difference emerged for the statement
"AIDS might be God's punishment for immoral sexual behavior."
And of course the state with the highest per capita purchase of online pornography is...Utah.
Of course.
To repeat: porn subscriptions don't just come from California, New York, and other Liberal-
Jewish-Urban-Latte-Sipping nests of perversion. They come from every state. And they
really come from states in which people claim their values make them uninterested in or
resistant to porn.
One technical term for such people is liars, but let's be more compassionate, the better
to understand our fellow creatures.
There are large groups of people who claim certain negative attitudes about sexuality, yet
do those very same things. Porn. Prostitutes. Premarital sex. Same-gender stuff. Affairs.
Adult masturbation. Wild fantasies.
What are they saying? That they reject their own sexuality. What are they feeling? Frightened,
anxious, alone. Guilty, ashamed, tormented; as if, to quote a Jonny Lang song, "even God has
lost track of my soul."
Progressive politics MUST address these feelings in so-called conservative people. Until we
do, we're just reinforcing a phony us/them divide cooked up by politically powerful people.
Talking about a sexually in-control "us" and a sexually out-of-control "them" is how the Religious
Right made its fortune, and stays in business. The regulation of other people's sexuality is a
theme that never gets boring-for people who are afraid of their own sexuality.
>>November 10, 2010 at 2:56:05 AM GMT+8
2010 年 11 月 7 日 星期日 【晴】
hi..
i was so tired yesterday... i didnt go to the gym after work..
i just wanted to go home and relax. i bought myself some frozen yogurt, then took bus home.
last night... i was on line but kept falling asleep... so.. i just went to bed. i saw honey on line,
but i didnt know if he was up yet..
i got ard 12 hrs sleep. its crazy... 12 hrs... its like i could go so far in 12 hrs on plane.
when i finally got up, i needed to rush to go out... mom was waiting for me..
i had lunch with mom, aunt Kitty, and grandpa.... then went to aunt Kitty's home with mom..
then i came back to Tai Po to Ching Ching's home... so tired.
i read some articles on line tonight...
''An Inconvenient Truth: Sexual Monogamy Kills Male Libido
Human beings are evolved for sex lives full of novelty.'' -- Psychology Today
Published on May 2, 2008
Here’s a suggestion: No serious therapeutic advice can begin with the word just. What would
we think of a therapist who suggested that alcoholics should “Just stop drinking!” and that people
struggling with obesity should “Just stop eating so much!”? Psychopaths should “Just develop
some compassion,” right? Sure, that’ll work.
The problem with advice beginning with just is that it almost always turns out to be non-sense
disguised as common sense. The insertion of just right there at the beginning suggests that we’ve
been wasting our time talking about the problem, investigating its causes, exploring its complexities.
Let’s get down to brass tacks. Forget all that brainy mumbo-jumbo and just do this. The power of
this approach becomes obvious when we recall that America’s drug problem promptly ended
when Nancy Reagan told us to Just say no to drugs. Gee, why didn’t someone think of that earlier?
A recent article in Psychology Today profiles a therapist/author who suggests that married men
with low libido can overcome this difficult situation if they just do it. According to this article, “their
low sex drive often has little to do with hormones or biology and a lot to do with the women in
their lives. Men today, often enough, are angry at their wives.” Readers are told that, “In the
presence of a mismatch of desire, all intimacy drops out on all levels in addition to the sexual.
Couples stop having meaningful conversations.”
I strongly disagree—both with this statement of the problem and the supposed effects on the
relationship.
First, the problem. In fact, for most men in long-term sexually monogamous relationships, a
steady decrease in libido has everything to do with biology and hormones and would be the
same regardless of the particular woman in their lives. That’s right. The sexually-monogamous
husband of the hottest woman on earth will start to lose interest at a certain point. Uma, Selma,
it’s not your fault!
As for the men’s anger noted in the article, it’s more likely to be the result of our society’s
unwillingness to face this biological reality – preferring to tell men there’s something wrong
with them.
You want an inconvenient truth? Try this one: human beings are clearly evolved for sex lives
featuring multiple simultaneous sexual relationships.
Men, especially, are designed by evolution to be attracted to sexual novelty and to gradually
lose sexual attraction to the same partner in the absence of such novelty. The so-called
Coolidge Effect is well demonstrated in social mammals of all sorts, and is old news to anyone
knowledgeable about reproductive biology.
Boys will be boys, and men will be the way they are, despite the many ways our society tries
to make them change.
Back in 1979, anthropologist Donald Symons pointed out that: “Human males seem to be so
constituted that they resist learning not to desire variety despite impediments such as
Christianity and the doctrine of sin; Judaism and the doctrine of mensch; social science and
the doctrines of repressed homosexuality and psychosexual immaturity; evolutionary theories
of monogamous pair-bonding; cultural and legal traditions that support and glorify monogamy.”
Does anyone really need more examples of a man with a whole lot to lose risking it all for sex
with a woman other than his wife? Surely, you can think of an example or seven.
To be fair, the therapist/author profiled in this article is far from the only source of misinformation
on this touchy subject. No less an expert than Dr. Phil notes that “sexless marriages are an
undeniable epidemic,” and he surely has his own home-spun, common-sense, utterly useless
advice for couples. There is in fact, an entire industry of therapists and writers insisting that:
A. There’s something wrong with men who experience flagging libido in the context of a
long-term sexually monogamous relationship (they’re emotionally immature victims of the
dreaded Peter Pan Complex, they have issues with their mother, they’re addicted to porn,
they’re afraid of emotional commitment, etc.), and,
B. There’s some magical way to address this problem that’ll make it go away.
Wrong and wronger.
Way back in 1964, when Vietnam was a new war and the sexual revolution was just getting
started, Masters and Johnson noted that “Loss of coital interest engendered by monotony in a
sexual relationship is probably the most constant factor in the loss of an aging male’s interest
in sexual performance with his partner.” They further note that, “such a man may be rejuvenated
by having sexual intercourse with a younger woman, although the young woman may not be
as adept a lover as his wife.” Our research suggests that the age of the other woman is less
important to this effect than is her otherness.
Now, what about the effects on the relationship? Is it true, as the article states, that “in the
presence of a mismatch of desire, all intimacy drops out on all levels in addition to the sexual”
(our emphasis)? Must “couples stop having meaningful conversations”?
Come on now.
If you know a couple who have been married for more than a few years, you know people
who have spent significant time “in the presence of a mismatch of desire.” A couple is
composed of two complex individuals, each following his or her unique, rocky path through
life. Sexual desire fluctuates for each of us in accordance with many factors: seasons,
work and financial pressures, pregnancy and child-care issues, the death or suffering of
loved ones, overall physical health, age, etc. It’s absurd and destructive to suggest that a
mismatch of desire need result in a loss of all intimacy and that meaningful conversations
come to a screeching halt.
To be sure, sex can be an important part of intimacy, but it is not the essence of intimacy
itself. In fact, high-libido sex can easily be an expression of the utter absence of true
intimacy: the notorious one-night stand. Couples who do not understand this are unlikely
to survive for long.
In fact, couples might find themselves having the most meaningful conversations ever if
they have the courage to talk openly about these fluctuations in desire. One of the most
important hopes we have for our book (coming July 2nd) is to make it easier for couples
to make their way across this difficult emotional terrain together, with a deeper, less
judgmental understanding of where these inconvenient feelings come from and a more
informed, emotionally mature approach to dealing with them.
>>November 8, 2010 at 5:08:12 PM GMT+8
2010 年 11 月 5 日 星期五 【晴】
i think i might be the worst person in our team.
i got a complaint today at work. its like i always get into troubles, everyday.
yesterday, a woman came to me at the office tower. she asked me if it was the xxx.
i told her yes, this is the office building of the xxx. then she said she wanted to go to
the 15th floor. i said okay, you may take the lift up to the 15th floor. then she left..
and when she came back, she was holding some vouchers which had our logo on..
then she said she didnt know where to go, and she needed to return the vouchers.
i asked her if she wanted to go to our management office. she said yes. then i told
her it's on the 6th floor. then she was so pissed and left. then later, *Me called me
and blamed me why i asked that woman to go up to the 15th floor, how could i make
such big mistake. i apologized and explained to her about the situation.. then she
understood. coz the reception at our office was pissed. that woman was yelling at her.
that woman told the reception i asked her to go to the 15th floor. anyway... its just.. bad.
then today... i took a phone call. that lady was asking me if she could connect to the
cinema from us. i told her the cinema is right inside our mall. i didnt get her meaning,
i thought she was asking for direction or some sort of things, so i told her it's inside our
mall... then she got pissed off, and started yelling she knew it's inside the mall, that's why
she called. then i got confused. she actually wanted me to direct her call to the cinema.
then i told her to hold on, i would need to try for her.. then when i held her line, i just
came down and realize it wouldnt be able to direct the phone call to any shops.
then i got the cinema's number and wanted to explain to her. then she got so angry..
she was shouting at me why i held her line while i couldnt help her. she asked me to
try again. i told her the phone doesnt have this function. then she was even angrier.
she said like... how could i not know about it, if i was working here or what. i should
have known it very well, and she kept going and going...... i kept apologizing to
her, and that's the only response i gave her. then she got bored finally, she asked to
speak to my manager. i held her line and passed the call to *Mn. she told her our manager
is busy right now, if she minded to leave her contact, so that she would be able to
speak to our manager later. then she hung up.
i m definitely the worst one now, isnt it..
i talked with mom about work tonight, then dad heard it and gave me a lesson.
he said i shouldnt consider that as negative. i should thank her coz she has taught me
a lot today. he told me this is customer service, and he asked me like what i'm expecting
if i couldnt do my job right. he said i shouldnt take it too serious too. it's not just about a job
but for life. i would see and experience more in time, and so many ppl wouldnt have a
chance to experience such stuffs but i did. so, i should just learn from the mistakes and
move on and stop talking about it. okay... i'm just a human being, i would feel bad and
sorry. i m upset coz i know i made the mistake, not coz i think she's completely wrong
or i was innocent. i know i have the huge problems. i know it's my fault, i do know and
thats why i m upset about it.
i have talked with honey last night.. humm hopefully everything would be fine soon.
and then... i went to the wedding dinner last night. i was soooooo tired.. and my feet
hurt so bad, just so bad so bad. the heels were killing me.. i love my dress, Shan and
some of the ppl i knew at work saw me last night, and they were like wow....
yup, i know that dress looks great on me. then saw some old friends from school..
it was okay.. nothing much, we kept asking each others who would be the next
groom or next bride. Ka Lok was laughing at me, like joking with me to see if i m still in
a relationship. he asked me if i worried i would have no one to marry me. i told him
how possible it is for me to worry about things like that. actually i just wanted him to
shut up, coz i cant even be sure about that, then he kept pushing to see what i would
say. so i just acted like i didnt care wether i would be married or not, actually i do care.
haha... oh well, Shan knows me so well. she knows about my true answers.
then yea, Ka Lok wanted to sent me home, i rejected him. i know he's just being nice and
gentlemen, but i dont want it.
then.. yea... i m so exhausted... i got morning shift, then got tutoring tonight...
tomorrow would have mid-morning shift, then going to gym after work. it's crazy.
i just wish to get my things done, then i could see honey soon.
>>November 6, 2010 at 5:02:05 PM GMT+8
2010 年 11 月 3 日 星期三 【晴】
hihi...
i m dying........ my legs hurt so much..
i couldnt get up this morning, so i didnt go to the post office before work..
but i went there in my lunch break. *Yn went with me as well. thanks.
so, i got the package sent heeheehee...
today was kind of bad. as in.... when i got back to work, *Me told me that i have left the key
at the counter last night. i was like omg. how could that possibly happen? but anyway..
i thought of last night, *H came to my counter.. then things started getting messy, so i guess
it should be either my fault or his fault, but i m the one who should be responsible for it,
coz my name was printed on the roster for that period of time. damn.
then.... when *H came back today, i told him we left the key at the counter last night.
then he told me he took the key back to the counter actually after i left, coz the other team
said i locked the wrong drawer, so they couldnt get their file inside. so *H had to take
the key there to open it, but he asked that leader of that team to take the key back to the
control room, but he didnt. that's why the key was at the counter this morning, and thats
why *Jy couldnt find the key in the safe box this morning. so.... still, it's MY FAULT.
its really the pain in the ass sometimes... as in... *H always always always keeps his eyes
on me, and it's like...... he's doing his assessment on me. he keeps reminding me stuffs
and sharing his stories and theories. its really nice of him to help me so much.. but then,
okay i know i shouldnt complain, but its like... i cant get interrupted especially when i m not
very familiar with the procedure right now. once he started talking or teaching me stuffs,
then i get something wrong immediately. then he talks more, and gives more warning,
then i get more pressured. bu yea... after his lesson, i usually would learn something new.
so... it's good and bad.. and i just dont like the feeling that i seem very worse. i think i can
do better than that, i should be able to. so... i dont know...
tomorrow i would go to the wedding dinner, invited by Yin To. haha... cant believe that he
's getting married. omg. i remember in high school, he was so in love with Yin. but then
they broke up, he broke down. then..... he was really upset and angry for almost a whole
year... ppl didnt dare to approach him, but he was okay with me and some few friends
in class. and then after grad, we seldom met up.. only once or twice in the gathering.
of course we talked and joked around.. and now all of the sudden, he's getting married!!
omg! hahah... but yea... i have thought about not going since i do have to pay money to go,
and i dont wanna spend too much money these days. but he's an old friend of mine..
when i had problem, i turned to him before. in school, he was my fans. so, haha.. alright..
old friend. of course he has my blessing.
hummm i have been thinking to wear the poppy this week..
this is not really my cultural thing, i see some ppl wearing that on the street, not much but
yes there are some ppl do wear the poppy pin. if i wear it, it might be a bit weird..
but, i really wanna do something this week or so for the remembrance day. i wont do
anything big, maybe just... have some reading or review the history again...
i m soooo tired this week... so busy.. like... i need to use my lunch break to do personal
stuffs. i dont have the energy to do anything on my day off. i cant do anything much
after work or before work, coz i have to go to the gym and tutoring. i dont have time to
go to the bank for the credit card enquiries and dealing with the paypal thing. i dont have
the time to prepare lunch everyday. i m trying to have oatmeal for lunch now.. but
sometimes i cant. i wanna prepare fruits for work, but i dont have time to do it everyday.
i wanna look cute, pretty, professional at work, but sometime i cant wake up then i cant
do the make up great... or i dont have time to curl my hair... my schedule is soooo packed
now... well, the busier i am, the faster time passes. sooner for me to see honey again..
but then i feel like i m getting older and older everyday. i dont like it then.
hummm getting up at 5 am tomorrow... fuck... now it's 1 48 already.
leaving home by 6 sth am, gotta get there by ard 7 25am... its freaking early.
hopefully i could get to the bank next week..
night.
>>November 4, 2010 at 5:50:41 PM GMT+8
2010 年 11 月 3 日 星期三 【晴】
hello..
hummm i m so tired. i went to gym today, just started... hummmmmmmmmmmmm......
so tired so tired so tired.
i rushed back to work... today i has quite some challenges. but it was okay..
at the end... i was closing the concierge by myself tonight. it was okay till *H appeared
with *Rn. then i was about to transfer stuffs to the other team' ppl. *H came, then some ppl
approached the counter, then *H interrupted, things started going wrong at that time.
sighhhhhhhhhhhh. dont like it. but thanks him though. he's just trying to help me anyway.
he's quite nice actually. *R and *L are on sick leave today. haha... omg.... *L is sick again..
then i heard *R has hurt her back, so she would be off for a few days, poor girl.
some weird white guy came talking to me today, at first he glanced at my name tag,
i was a bit shy, then he called my name. then i greeted him, how may i help you, sir..
then he asked me a few questions, he was like a gentlemen in a weird way. he wanted
to talk more, but then he stopped. hummm i was wondering if he knows me somewhere.
after awhile he came back, and asked a few different questions. sometimes ppl are
very weird these days...
i m so tired today, i dont wanna take train to home.. i hate stuck in the crowd, i hate
taking train like that. but i have to save money, i cant take the bus.
tomorrow... i wanna go to the post office actually, but my schedule doesnt really
allow me to go to the post office till Mon or Tue... sigh!! i really wanna go tomorrow..
i m thinking maybe just going to the general post office in central before work.
but i would be so exhausted. i really wanna send the stuffs to honey....
Here used to be called Shmoo Sassy Rowdyruff's page. It was a random name i got from The Powerpuff Girls' site. however, i am not that little girl anymore. i'm learning how to live a life now. haha! and this is the pic of my 22nd year in my life, taken in the summer of 2008.
here is like my reference, my history, my story, and the little pieces of memorries in my life. someday when i get old, maybe i would just review my life again. or i can share with my close ones... would they miss me someday? i dont know. i just wanna live my life fully and happily =) with the ppl i love on this planet.
i m so exhausted...
i had a long long day today...
today is the remembrance day in Vancouver..
Someone who know