2011 年 6 月 29 日 星期三 【晴】

hi there...

i m pretty upset these two days..
about work, about myself.

i got 2 stories about yesterday, and 2 for today. i had enough. sigh...
but i still have to carry on, coz my next day off is coming on Mon.......
i got into troubles too easily these days, just too easy. even if i m not the only who made
mistakes, its always counted on me just like.... they just like to be rude to me.
i couldnt hold it yesterday, i talked back to *R and also talked back to *Y.
fuck that i couldnt care less. i was really pissed. well, my fault, whatever.
if i didnt say anything they would just keep doing shit to me like that.
i told *J coz i was really upset. after work, i met with Frederica for a drink.. i told her
i wanted to cry but i couldnt cry. i was a little drunk but still okay.. a bit sick but ok.

i wrote an email to honey, but i m not sure if he could get it.
i miss him.

i still keep having nightmare actually. sigh..... i dont know..

>>June 30, 2011 at 2:41:42 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 27 日 星期一 【晴】

hi... :(
i m so tired..

i dont understand why ppl could be so fucking rude.
like this morning within 1 hr, i have spoken to 3 different rude pesons.
its either like throwing reciept on my desk, without saying anything and staring at me for
redeeming free parking ticket then walked away, or yelling at me for small stupid things
obvoiusly not quite my business. i couldnt even get the chance to explain why or what
happened regarding his stupid shout, then he walked away. i hate ppl like that, shouted
at me for some stupid complain or comment but not even let us SPEAK or ANSWER
them, of course also not dare to leave their name or contact. its so irresponsible and
fucking annoying. horrible attitude and shit. yea you're very gentlement now with your
freaking fake smile in your well made suit. yea, look very confident and smart as shit.
its just a bunch of bs. go shout at your boss, not me, asshole. guess what? i dare you
wont. when i quit, i m gonna write all the things and make it a book.

i m so sorry i m just really pissed at ppl being so rude to me. right, i should be professional,
so, i m trying to understand what i should do. its really challenging my limit.

where's honey?

>>June 28, 2011 at 12:24:24 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 26 日 星期日 【晴】

hi...

i slept at 3 last night, got up ard 10 sth, then read news had a banana then went back
to bed, got up ard 2 30 pm.... then finally got out to have dim sum with my family.
super late lunch ard 3 sth.. then went to Kowloon Bay, that Mega Box mall. i had never
been there before. we actually needed to take the free shuttle bus from the Station
to there. it was kind of weird but funny. today is Mon, not so crowded. the mall was huge,
and not crowded. that was super nice. i hate crowds. we visited Leggy, she worked
part time at the AEON Jusco department store. haha. it was funny. we did some grocery
shopping too. then we went to Ikea to see the furniture. then had dinner there. very full.
then, walked ard.... saw lots of Japanese shops there, really really reminded me my
Japan trip.. i thought of him again, and its just sad somehow. coz i do miss him so much.
i was thinking what if i was in Japan now or he could be here, then what it'd be like.
i really miss him so much.

i still had nightmares, couldnt sleep well. and my eating habit is really changing lots.
i m upset about myself as well. i m upset about not being able to be there with him.
i worry as in i want him but he's not... he doesnt seem to want me. its not about
the trust, but what he wants. i guess there're things more important for him there.
i can understand, business should always come first. i wish i could be there for him.
but am i what he truly wants? please let me know soon..

i got like 10 hrs sleep in total.. and i slept like dead but the nightmares is like...
i dont know..

anyway.. i need to work from 8 tmr... i should go to bed..
its nice to hang out with my family on my day off, i could be with ppl i m most close
with, well honey isnt here, but at least i have my family. i could do something to
distract myself... i cant handle too much you know.. i miss him so much..

>>June 27, 2011 at 4:47:54 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 24 日 星期五 【晴】

i cried myself to sleep last night.
i didnt want to get up to work today..

anyway, i'm very tired... i couldnt sleep well..
i sometimes get 9 hrs sleep but still not enough.
sometimes i have less, like 5 or 6 hrs then i felt exhausted during the day and
i couldnt concentrate.

i have been having nightmares.. either ppl died or ppl leaving... or once i dreamt
my family was escaping, and i was running around.
i dont know... just dont feel well dont feel good.

i m feeling lost, and.... i m.... sad.
why did that happen, how? why?

>>June 25, 2011 at 4:04:31 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 23 日 星期四 【晴】

i m not very happy today.

but at work.... the girls changed. i dont know if they are trying to be nice or they want
to be nice to me. just weird how they have changed since *J's bday few days ago,
then *Mn 's bday today... and new guy *K is here, new girl *Sn is here on training..
then new girl *G is coming... *My became trainer, *C is the trainer as well, then *Mn,
*R, *My are like fighting each others to get the promotion. they dont say it but things
are getting more obvious now... *J felt the same as well... its just scary..
they turn from bitchy to nice all coz we had 3 new comers... fishy.
maybe later when the final news come, then things would be changed again.

i m not very happy today, really. work stuffs give me stress, but cant say no..
then, still thinking about the new offer. hard to say no though i know it might not be good
for myself or i dont know. its hard to go and hard to stay, both.

and.... i cant lie here, cant hide here..
i m very unhappy today. really unhappy.

>>June 24, 2011 at 5:45:33 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 22 日 星期三 【晴】

i got some horrible nightmare last night... dreamt about the murder and death.
then my back hurts today, and the bruise isnt good..

i m not happy when i see those stupid dumb ass giving me all arrogant and stupid
attitude, then i still need to put up with that. fuck off.

then after work, i was so panic when i got on the train tonight.
what i heard was just completely noise, like so crowded and so annoying.
so annoying like i was so temped to pay the double price run to the first class.
those ppl who talked and laughed so loud SO LOUD on the train are young like my
age. not the old ladies or ppl from china. they are local students. what the fuck is wrong
with our ppl now? who taught them talking so loud on train or in public?
i was like omg... i just want some peace after work, i m all tired already...

i emailed honey this afternoon at work..
i needed to hear his opinion.

>>June 23, 2011 at 6:14:48 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 21 日 星期二 【晴】

:(

what is the right thing to do now?
i want to be with him. please tell me what i should do.
of course starting a business is interesting and challenging. of course i want a cafe or bakery.
and i cant reject this offer, should i take it as experience since i always want one after retired?
but, is it what i truly want? i want to do psychology or education work. i want to go back to
school one day i want to do children work. but this offer is a bit different. i m not too thrilled
about it. but its challenging and could make lots of connection with people. i cant reject it
coz its dad's boss. but i definitely dont feel nice to stay there by myself without him.
what should i do? i want to talk with him.

i saw him on line but he wasnt there. he might be busy or not home..
i dont know..

i m a bit confused about what i should do.. not about he and i... but about my job.

>>June 22, 2011 at 5:12:14 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 20 日 星期一 【晴】

hi..

i went to China with my family yesterday. had lunch with aunt Ching as well.
walked around there, wanted to have a massage but didnt. then i bought some small
accessories and bags there. i didnt really care about the brands, i just cared if its useful.
i m not buying the brands, i use them at home only. i just know they are cheaper
but higher quality with the normal licensed products i buy in hk. that's really bad.
coz the licensed stuffs are supposed to have better quality. but actually those fake
stuffs use better materials. actually if they are not having ''fake brands'' on i would be
willing to pay more to buy. i m really not happy using fake stuffs, but they are
cheap and well made.

anyway, went back to work today... its okay.. same things... but another new girl came.
then, they said *L's friend would be joining later too. good to know.

i slipped and fell down the stairs tonight... my tailbone and bum hurt a lot....
it was raining. then i took taxi home, then when i got off, i dropped my changes on the
wet floor as well. i was like omg...

tmr, i would take a day off.. i'd need to see a doctor for my skin..
then at night, we'd need to see dad's boss and his family for dinner.
i m not sure what's gonna happen.


i miss my honey...






>>June 21, 2011 at 5:51:20 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 18 日 星期六 【晴】

hi..

its been a difficult week, i m off again tmr, finally, after the 7-day-shift.
i hate work as in.... seeing all those dumb ass customers, and i m trying to understand
and put up with their stupid attitude, while i have to think about either being nice to my
teammates or just being bitchy as they are to me. i choose to be nice and forgiving,
coz i have no energy to deal with the bs or just rather deal with less by not against them.
i let them talk or do anything about me behind. and in front of them i just act like i dont
care though i know they are bitching about me. well, what the fuck do they expect me
to do while they dont respect me as their co-worker. if they dont want to accept me
and treat me equally as their behalf in the team, should i fuck myself for them? no.
that's fine for me, since i know they are not seeing me as a friend. if its just a work-mate.
i would be nice and i do respect them, i wont create any troubles, but i m not going to
trust them or care about them deeply. i wont. a team? they do see what a team means.
nor they d never seen us as a team. i dont want to become their tool in fight and climb up.
i m not up to this kind of game. i m not blind or that stupid although they think i am.
that doesnt really matter. its not that i cant fake, i just rather not coz its too tiring and
so meaningless. i cant. i just wanna do my job and leave. i dont mind working alone,
not having a partner. i have friends, i do. but if its with the bitches, i rather be alone.

i sms *J and *F before. then *L is leaving. i'd miss them all.

about the customers. some of them are pretty nice, but very sadly, very extreme.. like..
some are just pure assholes and bitches. i hate being there pretending i m fine to
take the shit. its obvious that they are acting all arrogant. and i find it so stressful to
pretend i m fine without showing any emotion.

anyway, on honey's bday... in the Asia time i mean, we chatted for awhile..
i finally could make it home form dinner with my family. they came pick me up after work.
it was nice, although i didnt expect that. and of course they didnt know i was in a rush
to home actually. so, we ate out, and i was hurrying to come home. haha.. they didnt
know why, they only knew i was really exhausted and not feeling well.
i love him, i do love him. i hope to see him soon, i hope to be next to him.
i want to touch him and kiss him. i m glad that he likes the package. i want him to be
happy.. i cant do much, but i'll do what i can do... coz i love him.

just now watching a movie with Miki, the Atonement. its a nice movie..
i recently like watching Miki's fav movies. haha.. we are sisters, maybe that's why.
and i do like old movies and movies have historical background too. well, i actually
like almost all kinds of movies.

i should go to bed first.. i would take a day off tmr going out with my family..
i miss him.

>>June 19, 2011 at 6:20:40 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 16 日 星期四 【晴】

hello.....

i got a very ''lonely'' schedule again, but it was cool.
no worries about the bs... well, still need to deal with them but at least dont need to
stay with them for 8 hrs each day. they still make stupid calls and showing attitude though.
i rather work alone. its not about team work, its about it feels so stressed staying next
to them. no fun, no jokes, only bitchy attitude, only girly gossips and labeling and shit.
its nice that we have a new guy in, *K. he's okay, *L 's friend. then *C and *J are alright too.

few days ago was so intensive at work. they were like putting bombs in my head.
they are all tying to get promoted, and doing stuffs that's not necessary, and kept
everyone busy. its like spending hrs so stressed to ''update'' the info folder everyday.
there were NOTHING NEW to update, but they would change the format or colour
or word front and make it looks different, yet nothing especially new. and everytime
they update it then i have to read it again and again to find the difference and remind
myself the changes. and it takes time to study the new ''format'' just wasting time,
wasting ink and paper to print out. its just super stupid, and i have no ideas why they
do it and hurry everyone for ''help to update''. the only reason i could think of is they
were too bored or just wanna ''improve work performance''. fuck...

but then, yea, got some crazy stalker asking for my number..
and some tenant has been always talking to me, *Kn from another team always mesgs me.
hummm... nothing special. nothing much.

its honey's bday today, i mean now in Japan, one hr later in HK, tmr in Vancouver.
i m so tired, i dont want to work tomorrow, especially its a Sat. its getting crazy on Sat
now. coz we have some new tasks. omg, hate Sat now.
i m thinking to get myself something to do after work, i got morning shift..
but then i wont go home late, coz i wanna say happy birthday to him, although he might
be busy. so, i dont know...............

>>June 17, 2011 at 4:44:55 PM GMT+8