2011 年 8 月 2 日 星期二 【晴】

i went to bed early after talking with honey,
but i couldnt sleep... i only slept for 2 hrs..
i felt so terrible today. i cried in bed last night and i couldnt sleep at all.

then Ivy called me this morning when i was on the way to work..
she's in pain. when i heard what she said about her ex.. i got quite pissed off.
i hate him.

i was crying last night, and i just couldnt stop.
this morning and at work i wasnt in a good mood, just trying to stay calm and work.
*G shared with me about her things today... not shocked or surprised or anything..
but now i knew why she seems so weak not physically. she's a sweet girl but weak.

tmr should be meeting the new student, but its not confirmed yet.
i m kind of worried.

i miss him. gees, i really do.


-----------------------------------------------



Sakura when I see it all hit the ground
My heart gets weak
‘Cause that dream that you and I had made
Is still so clear in me
And I wonder if that day will come
Where we could make it real
Baby will I ever see you
Sakura will I breathe again
I keep imagining you in front of me
Everywhere I go, I find
Myself back in time with you
Can’t help remembering
And I keep looking out my window
Hoping you would come home
Even though we said it was over
I can still hear your voice
I try to tell you that I’m doing alright
Even though my heart is feeling so tight
But I’m feeling so alone in this
And life’s not right without you
Each day it gets harder and
I wish that I could say I love you
All over again
Can’t you see
What we used to be
Sakura when I see it all hit the ground
My heart gets weak
‘Cause that dream that you and I had made
Is still so clear in me
And I wonder if that day will come
Where we could make it real
Baby will I ever see you
Sakura will I breathe again
Getting over you I couldn’t do
Lying to myself I can’t
Keep living like this never happened
Can’t get it out my mind
Will we ever be back in love again
Faith is all I have and now
As I watch another season go
What am I waiting for
I try to tell you that I’m doing alright
Even though my heart is feeling so tight
But I’m feeling so alone in this.

>>August 3, 2011 at 3:50:06 PM GMT+8

2011 年 7 月 31 日 星期日 【晴】

i m very tired today.
not in mood at all.

i miss him. i want him...
i miss being next to him.
its Aug now... Aug...

nothing much happened at work. same stuffs, same shit.

>>August 1, 2011 at 11:09:19 AM GMT+8

2011 年 7 月 29 日 星期五 【晴】

i miss him...

work was tough today.
stupid bitches making troubles again.
have been working with them the whole day...
then after work, they were going the same way with me. i just said sorry i need to top up
my octopus card first. so i escaped. its better this way i guess. at least we didnt act
like we are cool, coz its after work already. obviously they had their own topics going on.
i was just the outsider. and i dont need to pretend i m fine anymore. i hate to put on mask
at work. after work, i wanna be the total self, me.

i m looking forward to my day off now.

i miss honey.. really miss him much.. dont know what to do..

>>July 30, 2011 at 5:25:39 PM GMT+8

2011 年 7 月 28 日 星期四 【晴】

hi..

i took a sick leave yesterday.. stomach problem. i woke up from pain.. then i just
decided to stay home instead of working.
then i met with Shan for breakfast, coz i need to get the money from her and also
return her stuffs. then i went to her office too... then i went to the doctor..
then met with mom and dad for lunch. i walked around the Uniqlo but didnt buy anything.
then got some grocery with mom then came home resting and working on my resume.

today....... it was such a mess at work...
3 big problems came together... today was terrible. i felt so bad so bad for *J and *Ky.
those bitches are really too much. *C was unhappy too. but no one is speaking for them.
i mean, i m on their side, but i couldnt say much since it wasnt my business.
but seeing how they treated *J and *Ky. its just.... i dont even know what to say.
and the problems came from many ppl, not only them. so.. i dont know.. sigh.
i was talking with *J and *C tonight after work. i dont understand how come things
turn out so ugly... but this coming week id need to pair up with those bitches.. sick.
work procedure changes too.. sigh...

i miss honey.. i saw him on skype last night.. but i guess he didnt mean to let me
see him. maybe just accident only. but it was such the cold shoulder to me.
sometimes i do wonder how i can make things better. on my side, i dont know what to
do actually. i m just trying to do whatever i can. but guess its not about what i can do.


-----------------------------

someone shared this on facebook.
these sentences are supposed to help in some argument with ppl.

1.Please try to understand my point of view。
2. Wait, can I take that back?
3. This is important to me. Please listen。
4. I overreacted。
5. I see you're in a tough position。
6. I can see my part in this。
7. I hadn't thought of it that way before。
8. I could be wrong。
9. Let's agree to disagree on that。
10.This isn't just your problem; it's our problem。
11. I'm feeling unappreciated。
12. We're getting off the subject。
13. I know I need to listen more。
14. You've convinced me。
15. Let's take a break for a few minutes。
16. I realize it's not your fault。
17. That came out all wrong。
18. I see how I contributed to the problem。
19. What are we really fighting about?
20. How can I make things better?

-------------------------------------------------------------------

>>July 29, 2011 at 6:06:30 PM GMT+8

2011 年 7 月 27 日 星期三 【晴】

:(

>>July 28, 2011 at 4:09:14 PM GMT+8

2011 年 7 月 26 日 星期二 【晴】

i miss my honey.

work was the same. nothing special..
but i was happy to had a coffee with *C today. buy one get one free.
the peanut butter one, no good.

i miss my honey..
where is he?

>>July 27, 2011 at 3:53:43 PM GMT+8

2011 年 7 月 25 日 星期一 【晴】

hi there,

i m kind of sad today, especially when i think of him and the past.
when i think of the days in Van, 5 years ago, 4 years ago, 3 years ago, 2 years ago
and the last year. what have happened in our past, and what's happening right now.
what happened in March, what happen now. what he has told me, why i was mad.
things like that, keep flashing in my mind.


alright, the mandarin class was canceled today. then work was okay, they had the
new target to bitch about, so at the moment now i m safe. i guess it would take them
awhile to go on that bitch (their best bitch used-to-be), before they start hunting for
someone else. why that bitch became their enemy coz she 's still seeing his ''bf''
behind her real bf. its some ugly story that i refused to believe or listen honestly.
its like they are all lying anyway, telling you part of it and hoped you are stupid enough
to trust that beautiful part. but the truth is everyone says different things and her
so-called friends betrayed her and let her become the new victim in silence.
i m sorry for her but i have no real sympathy for any of their naive behaviors.
not coz they dont let me in, its just the fact that i cant stand myself playing part of
it in their chess game. it doesnt make sense to me, and doesnt make anything right
as a friend of whatever teammate they would call it. they are just horrible. i rather
not saying anything. if they want me to listen, i would. but i m not saying things for
anyone or passing messages at all. they like the war, go ahead but i m not in.
one day, when i leave, i will write a whole story and publish it.

you think they are your friends? no they are not. you think you're smart? no you dumb bitch.
you think you're pretty and you could use those guys? you ugly as hell. you think
you are with power, you can do this and that? tell you what, what you're playing with
is just obvious enough that i could write them all in a list and make it even more
obvious to everyone everyone you think you could play with.
i know its bad to judge on ppl, coz i m not any greater, but at least i know i shouldnt
set ppl up, i know my place, and i have no intention to hurt anyone. even when those
bitches were bullying me, i didnt take any revenge or do anything to harm them.
i just dont get it how come they could be like that. just really cant understand how
ugly ppl could be. they might not mean that, but ask them what they actually want..
i bet they dont even know what they are doing things for, they just do it coz they think
they can, coz they think they are the goddess. i m sick of them, i really am.

maybe i shouldnt even care.
but why? why nice ppl are always being played with, and why ppl always take nice
things and nice ppl for granted? so, are ppl out there teaching everyone should be
selfish or should be bad to each others? is it how ppl should survive these days?




i m singing this song to myself.


I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family. I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever, We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride, Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you. Wishing I'd realized what I had when you
were mine. I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping, Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times, I watched you laughing from the
passenger side. Realized that I loved you in the fall.

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye".

So this is me swallowing my pride Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, Wishing I'd realized what I had when you
were mine. I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile, So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night --
The first time you ever saw me cry.
Maybe this is wishful thinking, Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.
I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December...
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, Wishing I'd realize what I had when you
were mine. I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time. All the time.





who goes back to black?


i always wonder, one day when i m old, i might be alone.
then before that, i should get myself a cat at least.
if i m rich enough, then i would adopt a kid.
i would do charity work till i die. if i m rich i would donate lots of money to the ppl
who need real help. i would give away food and help homeless ppl get a job and
so they could earn their place to stay. only if i have the power to do so. the more
power you have, the more responsibility you should bare. and you should take care
of those who cant yet, or help them to grow stronger so they could one day become
strong and take of themselves and the others. ppl need to evolve and improve lives
through generations. if all the good qualities die, only the worse survive, then the
humanity is just really meaningless and what a shame.

if i could have a family on my own, then i wish my family would agree with my
will. let me do charity work. and i wish my kids would understand this world, respect
and love this world by being nice and intelligent. dont take the intelligence for granted.
use them well, to contribute to this world and humanity.

if i m gonna be alone, so lonely, maybe i would die very early.
well who knows... even if i could be married, maybe one day my husband would
divorce me or his mistress would kill me. haha.. who knows...
even if i could act strong, or have strong will, that doesnt make me a strong woman
to survive all the curses, spells and bad luck, right?

>>July 26, 2011 at 4:23:21 PM GMT+8

2011 年 7 月 24 日 星期日 【晴】

hi there..

i was pretty tired.
i got like 13 hrs sleep last night, got up ard 2 pm sth..
i woke up this morning early then went back to bed.

it was busy yesterday. so tiring. *C told me some secrets. well, all thanks for those
bitches that created so much troubles there. thanks them all, and may all those
beloved stories would follow them with them till the end of the days. how much more
they want for the others and themselves? they are only making their own enemies after all.
i didnt say much, i just explained my own situation. i think she should know what's
been going on then. i didnt make up stories or anything to go against myself.
i didnt bitch to her about those bitches before, coz i worried if i did then it would affect
her and the others since she is more senior in the team. anyway, now she comes
telling me how bad the bitches are, okay then. now she sees it and hears it from her
own senses.

i m a little sad coz i m missing him.

*Kn's messaging me.. i guess somehow he has some feelings towards older girls.
he knows i m older than him but he'd still say sweet things to me. its like hello.. i could
be your older sis you know? i dont mind to make more friends at work, since those
girls arent nice ppl anyway. then, i m closer to the ppl from the other team these
days. i have been here for almost 1 year now, they have been okay to me, somehow
they have taught me stuffs at work. so... i wouldnt mind to make friends with them.
some guys have asked me to have lunch together. always like asking nicely, but i
always rejected kindly. coz i always bring lunch or i just think of honey.

after work, when i was walking to the train station, i met a guy, a drunk guy.
he needed direction to some station, same way as mine. so i had to keep him with me.
he was drunk, quite embarrassing. he could walk and not puking but still needed to
watch things for him. we talked for a bit. he's a chief from the hotel... gees..
he asked me if i'd like to work for him. i was like huh? anyway, he gave me his
business card, he's really the chief from the Shangri-la hotel. he said he'd give me
some information. he also asked me about other things in HK, etc.
it was nice to meet some drunk professionals. just weird... it make me thought of
a few months ago, i met a professor from the Harvard university. he wanted to
have a drink with me. i wasnt sure if i'd like that.

i got up ard 2 sth, then i went out have lunch with my parents. walked ard then
came home resting, watched the movie, Robbin Hood, played by Russel Crowe.
i like this movie. i also watched the Gladiator by him also. i love them both.

i dont wanna go back to work tmr.
i m thinking to apply to Cathay. i should do it quick. they might not like me, but
its worth a try since i m really wanting it for long.
if i become a FA, then i could go to Japan more often or go somewhere to see ard
the world. i hope to get in, but i might not be able to. should try yea?

i love my honey, i really miss him much..
i m looking forward to seeing him soon.

>>July 25, 2011 at 1:24:49 PM GMT+8

2011 年 7 月 22 日 星期五 【晴】

dont know what's wrong with this world now..

anyway... i m exhausted.
i saw the construction work today, sort of talked with the in-charge ppl there.
have been seeing them almost everyday, but never really talked with them before.
i got 2 hrs at the tower lobby, then working and watching the workers while free.
i was kind of scared, coz it looks dangerous. then they came talk to me.
work was kind of busy in the afternoon... ppl are rude as usual. fucking hate them.
Kin kept messaging me. does he actually know i m much older than him?

i miss my honey.
i want him, may i?
i thought of him a lot.

>>July 23, 2011 at 3:54:57 PM GMT+8

2011 年 7 月 21 日 星期四 【晴】

hello...

i was really tired today..
work was still okay.. but i wasnt happy. i was pretty stressed and tired.
i didnt wanna work, and i dont like those bitches..
the ppl on train are just really disgusting. like today the guy next to me was really
pissing me off. i was so closed to ask him to stay away from me. his arms didnt need
to touch me. he could move somewhere else, there got lots of space, when the ppl
left. but why next to me and that close to me? i stepped away he moved closer.
ppl are just crazy there. i got my music on, and i had to turn it up, coz even when
i covered my ears, i still could hear those mainlanders chatting. i didnt wanna know
what the conversation was. so i needed to listen to loud music. thats just really annoys
me somehow but i couldnt say anything. i hate taking train these days.

i had tutoring after work today... i worked from 8 to 5, so i got up ard 5 30... i left late.
then i forgot my umbrella, then it started rain. i was wet. then work was tiring today
till 5 pm.. then i rushed to Fanning to do tutoring. then met with Jackie and Mable for
dinner. havent met them since years ago, and i miss Jackie so much. we used to be
best friends but she went to Taiwan to study and i went to Canada afterward.
anyway, good to know she's fine and catch up lots. i was pretty full tonight.. they wanted
dessert, i didnt wanna go, but it was okay except i was exhausted and i missed honey.
but tonight is the girls night. Jackie's bf is in Taiwan, Mable's bf was shy to come.
so, yea. it was okay except i miss him.

:'(

i dont wanna work tmr...
i wanna stay home..

>>July 22, 2011 at 5:19:09 PM GMT+8