2011 年 6 月 15 日 星期三 【晴】

i didnt want to get up to work today.
i was so tired, so tired.

back to work, my first half schedule was pretty easy. and i only got like 1 hr with a
partner today, with *L. it's cool, so i dont need to deal with the bs with the girls.
but then later, the last few hrs were kind of bad. coz, it was so busy till i was closing the
counter. i was alone for 7 hrs today, plus meal break, so 8 hrs alone. cool.
but the thing is, *R was being so anxious these days, she kept calling me for small
things, so tiny things, and its like..... come on, i m busy, on my own, do not call me
for such small things just coz she wants to get promoted, it doesnt mean i wanna do
extra work during my meal break or whenever unnecessary for her. stop pushing,
i m not under her or working for her. she's not my supervisor. please. i dont mind to
work as a team, but dont get me to do extra work please. if she wants, she can do
whatever she can handle or even do my jobs, go ahead. but dont ask me to do stuffs
during my meal break, or while i m at the counter alone then kept calling for tiny things.
its like, when there's a customer i m talking with, i cant take the call. and if i dont take,
then she gets pissed or call someone else then tell others i dont answer phone calls.
what the fuck? and in fact her call was just nothing. so tiny thing, why bother me?

i know he has got my package already. that's good...
i worry i might not be able to make it in time.
i iss him.. we talked for a short while just now... i want to touch him, i really do..
then he said i couldnt now. i told him not now or today but i would.
i wish he'd have a nice birthday. well, should i find something to do on Sat?

>>June 16, 2011 at 5:50:47 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 14 日 星期二 【晴】

i m totally tired out.

i'm sort of fed up with work, and i just want to stay home actually.
i miss him, i just want to be with him. there's nothing wrong.
why should i always think of what the other wants, care about the others,
but when it comes to me, all i want is just him but i cant.
if he doesnt want me, i understand, but we love each others, then why?
how come we cant just stay with each others, why things cant be that simple?

omg, i should go to bed. i'm so sorry.

>>June 15, 2011 at 5:41:54 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 12 日 星期日 【晴】

hi there..

i m official 25 now. yea, feels weird, feel old.
a quater of life has done.

i want to be next to him. i m waiting and looking forward to that.
when will we meet again? why is it so hard?

i had the very sad day offs yesterday and the day before.
the funeral is done now. i was all tired and feeling weird. i kind of wonder about death
and lost. i m not think about who's next, but wonder what death is, and the feeling of lost.
and thinking about i m 25 this year, and my parents' age. thinking about how lovely
my family is. not perfect, but comfortable for me coz of the love and bones.
i m thinking about all the chinese traditional things and ceremonies. thinking of my
relatives and friends. thinking of one day if i die first then what would happen.

not that the fear fears me but the sadness and tears might cause the ppl i love.
and i read all the messages from my friends and ppl on facebook for my bday.
thanks them but all i want is him not anyone else. he's living there, somewhere in
my body in my mind. i think the best ''gift'' or the most memorable thing for my bday
this year is.... my grandpa's ceremony, so that i could say bye to him with respect
and honor. and another thing is ... the question between he and i. i dont know if we
would have a beautiful ending and i dont know about the future so well.
i dont know where i m going or we are going. i dont know anything.
but i cant say bye to him coz i love him so much and i cant betray my heart to say
no when that is yes. he said he doesnt know why, i ask myself the same question.
i dont know why i m the way i am. i dont want to say no and force myself to
forget us, coz i know it is impossible. why should i lie to myself. but i also know how
difficult it is and i m not sure if it would be better to leave. i dont know. because
i believe in him and i believe in love. i dont know if its all wrong, but i know what
happened were not fake, unless its all jokes and lies. then i need to talk with myself.
and i dont know what's next.

i should go to bed..
i m not feeling well, i canceled tutoring tonight. feel sorry for my student.

and i really hate working with those bitches.

>>June 13, 2011 at 4:56:00 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 10 日 星期五 【晴】

i had dinner with Karen las night after work.. i miss her, its been a while since last time
meeting her. it was alright although we just had mcdonalds for dinner. its cool.
we used to be best friend at college. so.. yea... i miss hanging out with her.
there were time she was in the US then i was in Van. now we could catch up more.

then i met with Frederica for a drink. we danced and drank for awhile, then i went home
just like Cinderella. i had to leave before 12 to catch the last bus. nothing special
happened to me, except a few crazy guys were hitting on me. i didnt like them.
i wasnt really looking for anything. i wasnt in mood, i had a funeral to go today.

i hate my job, and mostly coz i hate the bs the girls are putting me through.
the longer i m here, the more i see how ugly it is.
like last night, *Y was just so bad, like so bad to me and i guess she thought i wouldnt know.
i told Frederica about that, then she said coz i was too nice and too soft to them.

i got home late, then slept late... got up very late then rushed going to the funeral.
i cried.. i did cry a bit, especially when i thought of how much he had helped us,
and thought about the time we big families hang out together or went on vacation together.
then i saw him, i mean.... his body. and i saw some of my relatives cried. it is sad.
but ... yea.. its life.. and when life ends, its sad for the ppl around, the ppl who loved
and related. tmr need to go there again in the early morning.. then... i dont know..
things would be finished by the afternoon.

i miss honey.. i'd send him the birthday gift on Mon. its not any big celebration.
i m not supposed to celebrate, not even my own birthday. i m gonna be 25 tmr, actually
8 mins later then i become 25. i m old, getting old... my first quarter of life has done.

i dont know what to do actually.. i do miss him and want him to be next to me,
especially right now... but i also know the reality is not as beautiful as i wish.
and the truth usually hurts. maybe i m just a bit down lately, and hopefully things would
get better soon. i cant handle too much at a time.






>>June 11, 2011 at 3:56:40 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 9 日 星期四 【晴】

i hate it.
i hate them and i hate myself.






>>June 10, 2011 at 6:18:25 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 7 日 星期二 【晴】

i met Shan for breakfast today. so great to see her. she's my best friend.
we talked and chatted.. i told her what happened at work.

i returned to work, i hate those gossips and how fake the girls are..
but my schedule was okay today, less troubles, still had to pretend i was okay.
fuck. i hate that so much. i told my another friend that something is wrong there.
we didnt have time to talk more, and i dont wanna make it like gossip as well.
anyway, i got complained tonight. fucking asshole. he was so rude and he got
what he wanted anyway. his wife and he brought two same reciepts for two parking
tickets. they didnt come together but one after one. i asked him if he has another
one, coz it's duplicated. then he yelled at me that he had the reciept that is over
2000 dollars, qualified for that parking voucher then i should just give him, not
investigating on his reciept. i didnt talk to him, i just check on his reciept, then
i issued a ticket to him. its like, fuck that shit, fucking leave me alone asshole.
he knows he's not qualified for that. he said like he is giving me some lesson now.
i knew he was pissed, but i didnt show any facial expression, i didnt talk back.
i told him the valid date for the ticket. he was so pissed then left. then he went
to the girl from another team and complain about me, he scolded her if she didnt
file me then he would complain about her as well. then the I/C got the complain log,
and came asking me what happened. now i'm filed. fucking asshole! i gave him
what he didnt deserve for the sake of letting him go. he turned around complained
about me. yes, i should have acted so sorry to this fucking asshole instead of
doing him a fav. my manager is gonna bitch at me why i issued the ticket to him
since the reciept is duplicated. DAMN IT! he fucking complain i was rude to him.
he was so fucking rude and i didnt say anything, didnt talk back. he might find
offended since i didnt take his shit, but so what? he already got what he wanted.
what else does he want? fucking loser bitched to ppl then ran away. he didnt even
leave his number to us. but now i m screwed for his childish cheap act. Gees.
i m really impatient to ppl' attitude like that. i didnt do anything wrong did it?
i followed the rule, i had to remind him for the duplicated reciept, i had to ask him if he
had another reciept and explained to him about the policy. i didnt want to, but i needed
to. then he got pissed off coz he knew he was wrong. then now he vented on me.
or i should take it as a lesson like.... how submissive i should be to those assholes
and bitches? its like i m so tired, so tired. it's just bullshit.

i got mandarin oral assessment today. i guess i passed.

i miss him. i really do.... i want to see him soon, i want him well.
but somehow i find myself very useless that i couldnt do anything. i dont know..
i want to be next to him, but maybe actually he doesnt feel the same.
i dont want to make any more guesses. i dont want to push him as well.
i m in the between. maybe i should made decision for myself instead of just waiting.
but i m still waiting i know. so.... i dont know...

i should go to bed first..








>>June 8, 2011 at 6:00:28 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 6 日 星期一 【晴】

i had a very bad day today.
i almost cried at work.

those girls just really really upset me. i m so sick and tired of them already.
they are really mean, just bitches. why do they do that? why do they need to be
like that?

anyway, i talked with *L today, and i also talked with *J..
*L is leaving. *J told me a bunch of stuffs. i wish i dont have to go to work, i dont want
to see them. i hope *J wont leave, coz she's the person i can trust the most at work.
*L is leaving, he used to be a great buddy at work. *C and *K are okay, but... i dont know...
its scary to work there.

i miss honey, i dont know what to do.. i wanna talk with him.

>>June 7, 2011 at 5:45:36 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 5 日 星期日 【晴】

i'm very tired..














>>June 6, 2011 at 5:27:27 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 4 日 星期六 【晴】

hello..

i have been really tired.. really.
i m off today, but gotta get up early to have breakfast tea with my relatives, dad's side.
i prefer sleep actually, but i cant say no, coz i havent seen them for long. dad might
complain if i dont go.

after that, i was so tired but we went to Cheung Chau, the island.
it was alright, beside very crowded. i love my family time. its just some escape
from my crying heart. i cried last night. i cried. i miss him, i want to see him.
i dont know what to do.

anyway, spent an afternoon at the island, ate lots of local food there, it was alright.
took some pics with my family. just walking ard, i like the breeze but it was too hot there.

have to go back to work tmr... then the next day off on June 11 and 12,
but no celebration for my birthday, would have funeral to attend.

i dont know... then i bought 2 t-shirts for him last night after work. i'd send him for
his birthday actually. i dont know what should we do.

>>June 5, 2011 at 4:41:46 PM GMT+8

2011 年 6 月 3 日 星期五 【晴】

i miss him too.

>>June 4, 2011 at 4:56:57 PM GMT+8