2010 年 11 月 27 日 星期六 【晴】

hi.

i'll need to work from 1 to 10 today....
last night was just boring, except i could see my aunts and some relatives.

hey..
what are you gonna do?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


hey... i m home...
it's a long day... and i was off late today.. i got home ard 12 am.. dont like it.

really tired. i didnt feel like to work today.
i made a mistake at work today. it was bad as in... i couldnt lie and cover it..
but *L helped out a lot. he's covering for me. thanks. but the thing is... *PY is gonna know
anyway.. coz... *H has to know, coz he's our supervisor. then if *H knows and he
cant do anything then he's gonna let *Py know. then, *Py might be mad.
i gave a ticket out, but i didnt get the right proof. why would i make that mistake?
coz i was distracted. that customer was just rude and pushy, then another customer
was just yelling at *L at the same time, then my brain was like.... not functioning well.
after all, *L was ran up to the office to help me get some replacement, but couldnt
find any. he found something else, but then at least it helped a lot already. otherwise,
i m tossed.

then at the Christmas counter today, i hope everything is fine, coz tonight, i didnt know
what we are supposed to do what we are not. then, i didnt check the balance of the
amount. hopefully the promoters had done the right calculation. otherwise, *Py is
gonna be really mad at me and *J.

at break, aunt Ching came saying hi... so end up we went out to have some tea and
noodles. it's nice to see her. it just brights up my day a bit.

my schedule for Dec is here already... i m supposed to go to the gym tomorrow, but
i m not sure if i could get up on time... but i do wanna go exercise. since the last time
i got arguing with the staff there a week ago, i havent been there for a whole week.
they kept calling afterward, and finally i got it settled with their manager. oh i hate the
way they do business. i really hate that.

and then i really dont like taking train to work. it's just crazy. ppl out there are just
rude and really terrible. pushing and keep pushing. then, blocking the whole
escalator for no reasons, jumping into the line, talking like yelling, leaning the body
to the handle that no body can hold on to it, sneezing right next to your hand.
i just... dont know what to say. at first i wouldnt say anything, but then the nicer i am,
the worse they are. so if it keeps happening with the same person, i wont take it
anymore, i just tell that person to stop.

anyway..

i should go to bed..

i cried on the bus, and my eyes are really tired already.

>>November 28, 2010 at 6:10:17 PM GMT+8

2010 年 11 月 26 日 星期五 【晴】

yesterday, my work was just crazy.
the night before, the S. concierge was meshed down for renovation, so we now have a
temporary one at the other location, which is small and very lack of sources.
like... no land line phone, only mobile duty phone, no internet coz the wifi was really weak
at the spot, then the counter was really small, not enough space to store stuffs, the cabins
were terribly hard to be opened and closed. no privacy coz everyone could see the desk
from our behind. and no space to store baby strollers, wheel chairs. its just really bad.
so now, no more phone borrowing, no more fax/ printing/ photo copy services. even the
first aid box was just sitting on the floor instead of being put in the proper place. bad.
then i was the one worked at that concierge at the opening hr, and i ended up staying 5 hrs
there, 2 hrs at the office reception, 1 hr at the christmas promotion desk. busy, really busy.

then after work, we went to Mong Kok. we went karaoke. i dont even remember when
the last time i went karaoke. the late shift mates came ard 10 45pm.. haha... but we did
have lots of fun. we played games and drunk. just kept laughing during the games.
the food there sucks, but its okay. we just wanted a place to get together and play.
*Mn, *Rn, and *Yn' bfs came with them. so except *L and *H we had more guys.
only... *Me, *C, and *J didnt come.. there were 12 of us last night? couldnt remember.
anyway i drunk some beer but i didnt get drunk, i m surprised.

i was home late... ard 2 am? but its the only one time since i was back to HK..
actually its since forever.. last year when i was in Van, i havent been home late.

i emailed honey... i told him i missed him and asking how he's doing..
he replied me. and i wanna tell him i m so lonely.

tonight, i'd need to go to a wedding dinner again.
i just wanna rest well. these days when i m stressed, tired, or whatever being lonely
i just wanted to eat, especially sweet food. i think i should stop.

>>November 27, 2010 at 10:06:51 AM GMT+8

2010 年 11 月 24 日 星期三 【晴】

hi there..

i miss him again. i dont know why the feelings are getting so strong.
i dont know if it's called worry or just simply unhappy.
either one is really affecting me.

Henry has been asking me to help him find an apartment in hk. i m not very patient to him.
i m very tired everyday, and i do have lots on my mind always. he said i m very cold to him.
for me it's like, if he has ever tried to think about how he spoke to me then he might get the
idea why i m not up to dealing with him. i told him stop messaging me after mid night, coz
i need to sleep. he mesged me at 3 stham coz he couldnt sleep and wanted to chat. he asked
to meet up late night after 11 30 pm. then i said i didnt want to go, its late. then he blamed me.
he asked me for help looking for the apartment, then i was really tired. i asked him to look
on line, he kept asking, then the thing is i told him the general thing thats all i know.
then i replied slow, then he was coplaining again. Gees...

you know...
i just want my honey right in front of me now. i really do.


14:03 @ work

>>November 25, 2010 at 6:01:27 AM GMT+8

2010 年 11 月 23 日 星期二 【晴】

hello...

i got a complaint right before i was going off. my schedule today was quite easy till
the last two hrs.... i was at the christmas promotion counter, and also the N. concierge.
i got some ridiculous complaint. lucky that *Me trusted me with my manner. i wasnt rude
or anything to that lady at all. everyone knows it i'd never been rude to anyone, not even
behind the customers. that lady was just making stories up. i dont know what's the
problem with her. i couldnt redeem more than one gift to her according to the regulations.
and it's so obvious that she was being bitchy in front of everyone and other customers
were witnessing that as well. i was very polite to her in fact. she was okay at the
christmas promotion counter. then the next hr, she came down to the N. concierge
to file a complain. yea, and it was me again. then she couldnt get what she wants.
then she started bitching to *J while i was standing right next to *J. anyway, she wrote
a comment card, so i had to write a report, file it, then report to *Me. sigh.
after work, i just hung out with *Rn and *J for a short while..

where is he now? how's he doing?
i keep thinking about what he has told me before. i dont want to doubt on him, i dont.
i dont want to think about anything. i just want to be next to him now, can i?


need to pack lunch for tomorrow first..
brb.









>>November 24, 2010 at 4:33:49 PM GMT+8

2010 年 11 月 22 日 星期一 【晴】

i miss him.

12:30pm @ work


----------------------------


Hi there..

i m really tired today. humm.. when i was at the N. concierge at the opening hr this morning,
i received a complaint. it was okay but like i just started work then i had to handle some
complaint. then, got checked the email then knowing *L and *F reported sick. then our roster
got changed. i was sent to the office reception to replace *Py this afternoon. dont really
like sitting at the office reception. then in the morning got 2 lost and found cases as well.
i was like calling to the S. concierge, then calling to the control room, then dont know why
today we didnt have enough candies, the cleaning ladies didnt come taking care of the
baby strollers, then this and that. and our team only got 9 ppl working today. busy.
i rather those customers call me by my name instead of calling me ''miss pretty'' or ''lang lui
jie jie'' it's like.... i do have a name, its tagged on my uniform right here. if i m not wearing my
uniform with my ugly hair, then i wouldnt mind... but i do look fat and ugly these days
anyway then i dont want ppl calling me miss pretty when i m at work.

anyway... i do miss him.
is my trust gonna overcome the insecurity myself?
would he understand me then? i dont mean to occupy all his time, and i cant do that neither.

>>November 23, 2010 at 5:37:13 PM GMT+8

2010 年 11 月 21 日 星期日 【晴】

hi.

today is my day off, and i didnt go to Ching Ching's home. i changed it to tomorrow.
i got maybe ard 8 hrs sleep? then... got up and went out with mom and aunt Lai.
yes, aunt Lai came back to HK for vacation. so, we just hung out today. we had
dim sum, then walked around. i bought a jacket today, i didnt plan to buy anything, but
in the end, i really liked it so i just bought it...... hummmmmm felt a bit guilty to but it.
then, we had desert. it was nice to see her again.

she asked me about if i m going back to Van again. i told her no, not any soon.
the thing is, i'm going to Japan.

i m very tired... tomorrow would need to go back to work again. its not like i hate my job,
i m just tired.. i really dont like the traffic. everyday i need to take 1.5 hr to there, 1.5 hr to
home. then i need to walk to the station then stand on the train. its just exhausting.
of course i look so energetic and elegant at work, coz once i put on my uniform, then
i have a role to play. yea the washroom/changing room is just like the magic place,
transforming me from the vegetable to the blooming flower haha...

i havent seen him on line for awhile already... i dont know why he doesnt come on line,
probably he's busy, very busy. i miss him. but i dont know what to do with that.
then when i think of her, i just really wanna stop thinking, i dont know what to think.

*Mn and the others had asked me about if i miss my bf and if we have any plans.
i told them i m going to visit him in Japan next year. they think i m very strong, how i could
handle long distant relationship like that. i looked sad, and they knew i miss him so much.
i told them like.... life is harsh, with no choice. i m pretty lucky i think. i have a very
good family and many good friends around me.

they asked me i wouldnt know if he's cheating on me. i told them i would know if he did.
just soon or later, i would know one day. then, i think about when i was there, in fact,
i have witnessed lots of things already. yea, i survived. what doesnt kill me would make
me stronger. i dont think anyone would like to be cheated. and if you have to lie to the
person you love coz you wanna have some secret with another person, then... what's
the meaning of being with your bf or gf? its either you do it or dont do it. if you choose to
do something hurtful then yea you are a jerk, but at least be a man to admit it. if you
dont want to hurt that person then you just dont do it. i wouldnt say he tells me everything,
coz i dont know for sure if he tells me everything. i dont think he does. i think if he
wants to share, he would. if he doesnt want me to know then he would just lie to me.
i dont want to live in dreams. so, i do appreciate his honesty with me. now, i dont know
what to do, coz... i really love him so much, i miss him so much. but i dont know what
to think, coz of her. when is it gonna end? is it my problem?

i dont wanna say goodbye to him, coz i do love him really.
but somehow it does make me feel he wants her more than me and she's replacing me.
or he's being nice to me coz he's guilty spending time with her. i hope i m wrong.

>>November 22, 2010 at 3:45:47 PM GMT+8

2010 年 11 月 20 日 星期六 【晴】

i m so tired...

today i got up late, just couldnt get up... but then i still managed to get to the gym before work.
i couldnt make lunch these days, just too tired when i got up. if i have bread and ham, then
i would make sandwiches. i usually bring fruits and oat meal if i feel like to go light that day..
usually once or twice a week. but yea, i do bring fruits.

when i was on the way to the gym, on the train it was just crazy. those ppl are stupid.
they kept pushing in, it's like dont freaking push me. if you wanna go push around to get on
the train, fucking go back to your country. i start to feel very annoying. wherever i go, i see
them around, i hear them around. they are just pissing me off as in they are rude and noisy.
that lady in fornt of me, the zipper of her bag was hooking to my sweater accidentally.
then she was running into the train which was pretty full already, and my sweater was
hooking on her zipper, i was pulling her bag and ask her stop going. if she wasnt being
an idiot, her bag wouldnt have hooked with my sweater. and then on the train, they are
talking so loud and its like never got a sec quiet. i had my music on and i could still hear
them like murmuring to my ears. and when i stepped into Central, its just fucking crazy.
they are all over the place, sitting all over, sitting on the street, sitting anywhere.. its soooo
annoying. then they just use my washroom and the spare tables and chairs. its just
unbelievable. and i start getting sick of the situation now. when i wanna go to the washroom,
i have to line up for long coz they are using our washroom. like 90% of the ppl in the
washroom were them. they dont buy anything in our mall, they dont do anything, just sitting
and talking. i respect their culture, but here is Hong Kong. if they wanna do what they
wanna do, go find some place to have the gathering or something, dont come out to the
public area and sit around, fully occupied our public area. its just so disturbing.

then when i got to the gym, i was quite unhappy and pissed off by them. it's just full of shit.
i hate them using all the BS to get money from us. its just so dishonest. what kind of business
is it? i dont know what i m going to do with them, its just fucking BS. anyway, i had my training
session today with another guy Sam. he seems okay. then Nick came explaining to me.
whatever, i dont wanna blame them but i m really unhappy about this company in general.

at work today it was okay. i finally had come up with the way to tie up my hair nicely.
then... getting very busy today.. today was really busy and crazy at work. those parking
tickets got some problems with the serial no., so we had to count the tickets ourselves.
then also dont know why today was ultra busy... we have redeemed over 700 tickets at
the North concierge, then i guess around the same number at the South one. so... yea..
and it's only for the 3-hrs type. at the North side, we have done almost 60 valet parking..
and a several porter service, all within one day. the decoration is getting ready, by the
24th would be all set. i had a peep today, its just gorgeous. i m looking forward to it.

sigh. i dont see honey on line these days.. dont know how he's doing... probably tired
and busy. its not like i dont wanna talk with him or i have noting to tell him... its just like...
i dont even see him on line. and even if i see him i m the one who would start the
conversation. then... i dont know.. he doesnt have much to tell me too.. its not like i dont
love to be in touch... i have thought about what if we are so close as in always on phone
or texting each others.. i'd like it, coz it's sweet, but somehow..... its not what we are
doing right now. there could be lots of reasons, some might be true some might be just
bs or excuses, i dont know. i just know that.... if he wants me, he would come talk to me
again. not that i dont miss him. but if he wants, he could show up too. why doesnt he
show up then? there must be some reasons.

going to bed first.... brb.

>>November 21, 2010 at 7:00:29 PM GMT+8

2010 年 11 月 19 日 星期五 【晴】

hi..

i couldnt get up this morning, then my throat hurt a lot. i've thought about taking a sick leave,
but then i think they would deduct money from my salary coz i m still on probation.
this afternoon i started having headache. sigh.

today on the train, there were a bunch of korean men.. one of them was passing by me
twice. he grabbed my waist. i dont know what's the problem with him. he shouldnt keep
walking anyway. and he was walking very fast and clumsy. i hate ppl like that.

i got 4 hrs with *R today again.. but for some reasons, i find her changed a lot..
she's no longer bitchy to me. she's so much nicer and being easier to me. she shared with
me about her stories... hummm... i can understand.

i started missing Vancouver lots, especially when i looked at the pics of myself before.
i miss the place and my friends, of course i miss him so much too.
especially now it's getting close to Dec... then i thought about what i was doing this
time of the last year... hummmmmm......

i was chatting with *Mn and *Rn the other day.. then also with *M y and *H...
they think sms or phone calls are necessary everyday in a relationship. i saw them always
on phone sending sms or calling during break. for me, it's a bit too much, as in......
there's not so much to talk about isnt it? you already know what that person does at this
time or that time... there'snt much to talk about? then they said i m weird. of course there're
stuffs to talk about. then i saw Ivy another day. i asked her if she does the sms and phone
calls too. she said yea, i told her i didnt. then she said i changed. i used to find these
romantic and important, or i would get upset if i couldnt get his reply. then i was like ohhh yea...
i was like that. but then today... no, i feel bad if i dont see him on line.. but then...
i dont know, i dont see him wanna or have anything wanna tell me. if he does, he would
have shown up already. why should i always be the one to wait for him? if he does want
to talk with me or whatever, he's a guy he can make that move. then i think about myself,
yes whever we talk, usually it's me to start the conversation or say hi to him first.

i dont know.. when you are in love with someone, of course you would find him so special,
of course he's the person you love so much, so different from the others.. but till the end
of the day, he's just a man like no difference from the others. if i could accept what the
other guys told me, how come i couldnt accept him with his things as a normal guy?
is it coz he's my bf so i have higher expectations or what is it?

then *R, *Mn, *L, and *Rn think that i'm a strong girl. they think i look very girly and soft, but
actually i have the inner strength to deal with difficulties. but they think i should live a better
life. they sort of... suggesting me to find another guy here. well, i dont know.
i dont think i would have another bf now. i cant handle more than one at a time. i would
hate myself so much. especially when i think about all the lies and cheating cases, then..
i m like............ no, thanks. if i would play, i would play hard. i m not gonna fall for anyone
else now. just no.

brb..
i should go to bed.

>>November 20, 2010 at 5:23:10 PM GMT+8

2010 年 11 月 18 日 星期四 【晴】




戰鬥亦有時 跳舞亦有時 分不到魔鬼天使
情慾或理智 這生有限時 怎釐定那主次
we cant judge wether we are evil or kind.
and there's time for dance and time for work and fight.
what is your priority for lust and staying logical? coz we dont have enough time in life.

投身於那六道旅程 已再沒姓名 轉世讓那記憶結冰
永生間 彈指間 時光裡盲目地遠征
memory could be frozen, coz we have different roles each time maybe in different live.
why not just let it be? let our live to experience all.

這秒針 轉個彎 繁華極短暫
一切善或惡 聚或散 也定了早晚
永有著時間驅使 歷史的恩怨時代迫使
this moment, the next moment, life is too short to stay together
good or bad, mean or kind, together or leaving is all fixed.
love and hate has been proofed by what we've done in time.

只可半生奔馳 空間裡的真相不會知
愛恨活埋秒與秒之間
life is short, time is so limited that we could be lost in all the lies while figuring the truth.
love and hate are burred between this second to the next second.

這秒針 轉個彎 繁華極短暫
新愛或舊愛 沒盛載 最後也失散
你叫喚時間終止 永遠沒法預知哪日得你重視
at the moment we are here, the next moment we would be gone.
you cant have both the new love and the old one. either one or both would be gone.
you wanna stop the time ticking, and you'd never know if you would be able to get
what you want, you'd not know if s/he is gonna care about you.

有時我在記憶空間找到你
分秒在一起 不會問生死 最終會不分我或你
i would be there, always be there to wait for you and find you, even just in the memory.
we'll be always together, no matter if we'd be dead. there's no you or me, only you and me.




brb...
really need to go to bed first..

>>November 19, 2010 at 5:46:23 PM GMT+8

2010 年 11 月 17 日 星期三 【晴】

if doubts are unavoidable, i m sorry, i hope my doubts would get smaller as i grow up.
that's all i can say.

i dont doubt his love to me, but i m scared coz i m scared to lose.
i m scared to be compared, i m scared to be intimidated, i m scared to be doubted.
i m scared coz i should protect myself, in fact i m too easy to get hurt.

i love him.

where is he now?


i m really exhausted.
work is a bit crazy today but it's still okay. i m just... exhausted.

>>November 18, 2010 at 10:03:06 PM GMT+8