2011 年 2 月 17 日 星期四 【晴】

i m sooooooooooooooooooooooo tired...................................................

i talked with honey for a bit today...
i ve'nt started doing anything with my macbook... but i think honey would be my very good
sources. hee.. i do appreciate his help actually. sometimes humm.... i do wonder what he's
doing actually.

anyway, i m very tired today, i had 8 hrs sleep but still didnt wanna get up.
feel very tired and... just feel so dead.. maybe coz of the weather. its not windy but chilly,
very froggy and wet... kind of rainy but not real rain. its just.... sad.. dark and cold.

i dont wanna go to work tomorrow... but i probably shouldnt take any more sick leaves
till April i think... coz i m going on vacation next month. and i have had 2 sick leaves in 2 months
already. so... i better behave myself till April or May.

i m kind of excited now, i mean.... i m gonna see him soooo soon heehee :) i miss him!
but i can only stay for a week.. i m a bit nervous too, coz i havent been there before..
so, its kindda like......... an adventure.. coz i dont speak Jap and i m scared surrounded
by so many Jap no matter they are girls or guys or both. ha... i m gonna be scared somehow.
the best thing is i m gonna be able to see him, to kiss him, to hug him, to massage him,
to cook for him, to sleep with him, to look into his eyes and everything everything that i have
been missing about him and about us. i miss him, i seriously do.

>>February 18, 2011 at 5:17:29 PM GMT+8

2011 年 2 月 16 日 星期三 【晴】

hello...
i m not feeling very well..

i slept ard 2 sth last night, should get up ard 8 sth but i missed my alarmsss..
i got up ard 9 and supposed to meet Shan for breakfast before work. i got her mesg,
she couldnt make it neither.

i got my macbook pro yesterday.. finally i bought it with installment. i dont know, i'll need some
time to figure it out.. and i dont have much time now. i need to get the apple care plan.
then i need to transfer files, and also get the ms office software stuffs. ahhhhhh blowing my
head... i dont like technology things..

Dr.Li emailed me last night... yes, Dr.Li from the city u..
she hasnt given me any work since i went to vancouver. i asked her before if she needed me
to finish those work, she could email me doc then i could work on them when i was in Van.
then.... she said later later... then i emailed her later during last year, she said later..
i thought she didnt want me to finish those work... but all of the sudden now she emailed me
and asked me if i could help. i replied her last night yes. i would love to do it... but when i
asked her when she would need those doc back, then she said next Tue. for me it's like...
HUH.. NEXT TUE?? omg...


i need to go now... doctor appointment.
i reported sick.



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i m home...

i need to take medicine for 23 days.

after that, then i met up with my parents, then we had lunch together and walked ard..
i bought a bag for my macbook, its so expensive, i cant believe that :(
then we walked ard and had hot pot for dinner. i dont wanna gain weight...
i ate lots of veggies... lots of lettuce.. very full..

anyway, i chatted with honey at work yesterday.
i miss him so much... and i m gonna see him soon yea?
it seems like honey has planned what we are gonna do when i visit :) hee
he doesnt usually do it, so....... hee :)
i was at the counter, *J was peeping at my mesgs, i could let her read some,
but i worried she would bad mouth about me, so somehow i had to tell her stuffs instead
of just letting her peeping.. anyway... i wanna see him soon. i need to see him.
i miss him so much.. i really do..

>>February 17, 2011 at 3:51:53 PM GMT+8

2011 年 2 月 13 日 星期日 【晴】

i hate valentines day.
i hate that i have to see ppl making comparison on their flowers.
i hate i have to see the guys sending flowers and chocolate.
i hate that i know some girls must have sent something to my bf, and he probably was
entertaining them as well. i didnt see him on line since last night. i didnt talk with him the
whole day till ard 8 sth tonight.. hate i m alone and i need to work till 10 tonight. then everyone
on the street after 10 are couples, holding flowers, holding each others. in every of my eye
sight, everything becomes some kind of joke to me. its like i just wanna get in a taxi or
something just drive me home please. or let me walk alone with no one else on street.
i need some peaceful moment instead.

after work, *J, *F and i wondered if we should go for a drink. we are all single.
well my case is a bit special. but still, we are single. i didnt wanna stay out late, i dont
wanna party around so often. once in a while is fine enough, twice a month is too much
for me. i m not up to that unless i m totally single. then we went to McDonalds.. they want
some late super. i didnt eat anything.


when i m home, i was very tired already... mom saved me some soup, some veggie, and
some meat and bread.. i didnt feel hungry when i ate, but once i started eating i realized
actually i was quite hungry.

i got some chocolate at work today, nothing special. just some chocolate.
but i m not happy. not at all...

tmr finally i get a day off..
i just wanna sleep in and rest. i might do some shopping, i m not sure what i m gonna
do.. i have a shopping list, but i guess i have left it at the locker at work.
i have a list of things to do but i havent done any yet.

i want flowers but i dont really want flowers. i want chocolate when i see ppl having
chocolate but i dont really need chocolate. sometimes i do wonder what i actually want.
i could get myself flowers or chocolate if i want them, i dont need any guy buying me
gifts or shits. but it's just different. and why is it so hard to feel happy to receive gifts
these days? but the thing is, i dont even have gift from anyone.

i see my team mates, the gifts they had from their bf/gfs are like... all those
brand name expensive stuffs. i asked them if they really liked those, are those brand
name stuffs really that important? they said yea. wallets, jewelries, watches, flowers,
expensive chocolate, a buffet dinner, cell phone,... these are like.... so dead.

for me, its just..... not meaningful at all. i could buy these by myself, i dont need ppl
giving me these to show me how much he loves me. well if he does love me, then
he would do something else to show me that he cares about me. from little things that
can show wether a person really care about you or just try to make things up to you,
or even worse, trying to get something from you. the real purpose shows when
small habits come to the reality. what ppl truly want, it would show and you cant lie.
i hate ppl lying to me, i hate ppl just try to entertain me. dont fucking waste my time.
dont play with my heart. i hate all those fake ppl with their trick. they think they are
smart or cool, but actually i feel bad for them coz they dont even understand.

and you know....
why do you need to show off with the flowers? why do you need to show off
what you have from your partner or why do you bitch at him/her if s/he doesnt get
you expensive stuffs? coz these are what you value as a person. you label yourself
with the price tag balanced with the gift you want from another person.

on my valentines day, i actually just want it simple. i just want to see him smile.
smile to me not to other girls if you're my valentine. i dont need a bunch of flowers, just one
flower could drive me crazy. if i want chocolate we could always have chocolate, even
just the regular chocolate bar from the supermarket would be great. i just want to see him
smile. but it didnt happen today. it didnt. i didnt even have a chance to speak with him.
when he finally got time to come on line, he was eating and i was working. he didnt
really reply, then i went off already. when i m home, he's probably resting or went
to bed already.

i m not complaining coz there's nothing i can complain about. am i there? no. is he here? no.
does he like valentines? no. if valentines is like that, i rather stay home spending time
with my family rather than working or hanging ard for being sad by myself.

i m sorry, i m just... unhappy.

>>February 14, 2011 at 7:04:48 PM GMT+8

2011 年 2 月 12 日 星期六 【晴】

hi there,

i m........ not happy today.

by the way, i emailed him to say happy valentines.

i dont think i have anything to celebrate about, and i do feel kind of weird to say happy
valentines actually. coz its not a happy day for me, i dont know if he'll have a nice day
but i m not gonna enjoy it. not like last year at least i could bring him a tissue box of chocolate
and candies, and he placed them all over his little desk above his bed. well, i m not gonna
be able to see him tomorrow, and....... i dont know.

at work, i have met a couples of mean ppl yesterday and today..
it was the meanest bitch i've ever seen at work so far, except the one last time who yelled
at me. then today got a couple, they were just the asshole and bitch. i felt so bad for their
daughter. its like.... i wonder why these days we have so many crazy ppl they are soooo
greedy and so low class. saying stuffs that have no points and think that they are the king
after they have spent some little money then they think they could disrespect ppl like that.
they yelled at us, said like we could never work for hotel and accommodation, they yelled
to ask if we knew what they wanted coz they wanted to complain us for so minor problem
caused by themselves. its like what the fuck did i do wrong? we are doing our job and
when we got complained then more or less it's our problem.. its like... what the fuck?

i didnt talk much at work today, except when i saw *F and *C today... they are the ppl
i could trust.. i didnt even talk much with *L. i know *L wouldnt set me up, but at work,
i gotta be careful now. he knew i wasnt happy today. he kept trying to talk with me..
i just didnt say much. then he was a bit upset. after work i just mesg him that i didnt wanna
talk too much at work though i wouldnt mind sharing with him another time. he said we
were cool, no worries things like that. i dont know.. dont wanna put him at difficult
position anyway.

i fucking hate gossip behind me and i dont want to get involved in any gossip or war
between them. and i know they've never stopped.

anyway, i figured that.... when it comes to all kinds of confrontation or the sudden lost,
the more ppl try not to care or showing they dont care, the more important or serious the
things are... so... things could be pretty deceiving. ppl are all defensive when it comes to the
true feelings and emotions. denying on things as in you dont care, or trying to act normal
is actually pretty obvious that you do care.

>>February 13, 2011 at 5:05:27 PM GMT+8

2011 年 2 月 11 日 星期五 【晴】

i told mom already. everything is fine.

i m so tired at work today... not feeling very well, not happy but ok...
i got sharing with *R today. i know it wasnt *R, or *J, or *F, or *H, or *Rn..
it wouldnt be *Me... so it should be either *Mn, *My, or *Sn, or *Yn, or *L.
if *L or *Mn or *My didnt set me up, then it has to be *Sn or *Yn.
it shouldnt be *Sn or *L or *Mn, so it has to be *Yn.
i do suspect on *Mn, *My, *L, or *Yn, but i think it was *Yn.
whatever it is, i sort of figure out what had been happening between them before i came.
maybe i wasnt clear to them enough, but from now on, i m not gonna entertain them in between.

i need to go to the gym tmr... i need more exercise. i need it.





Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you



Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you



>>February 13, 2011 at 5:05:48 PM GMT+8

2011 年 2 月 10 日 星期四 【晴】

hi..

i m very tired today... i got the A-shift, got up ard 5 15am...
nothing special at work, got an hr sitting at the office reception.. i used to be scared
sitting there, but im getting much better than before. nothing wrong happened today.
some tenant spoke to me in the lift though. strange. how could he not know i m the staff
there since i m wearing the uniform that he sees everyday? anyway, i dont feel comfortable
with the girls now. its quite obvious that they changed their attitude to me. all of the
sudden they are being extra nice to me. i have no ideas what's going on. and i hate games
like that. i prefer being straight forward, speak it. *Yn is pretty rude to me these days,
i m not close with her and i dont talk with her much while working together. i have nothing
to talk with her about. while there are other ppl, she would be nicer to me. when there
are only she and i then she just being a bitch. i dont know. i just dont like working with
ppl like that. i didnt make any complain or anything. i have asked her directly wether she
doesnt feel good working with me or what's her problem. she said nothing, she's not
against me. then i was like okay. but now she's being the same again. i dont like it.
but i dont expect everyone likes me, so.... whatever. i m just being me anyway.

i dont know, i m trying my best to lose weight now... i m fat..
i dont know what i should do. i wanna go back to the gym tomorrow or the day after.
i didnt prepare gift for honey this valentines day. it was the chinese new year here,
post office closed. then i also didnt have time to shop ard. i would get him chocolate and
bring him when i go over. i wanna tell mom about going to japan tonight or tomorrow
before work. i m a bit worried but i have to tell her.

i might go to the doctor next week when i m off... i need to do some check up.
then also need to think about my trip and things like that... also, need to buy a new lap top..

honey seems very busy, i dont know.
i should go to bed..
i want good sleep tonight, no more weird dream please..

>>February 11, 2011 at 3:54:52 PM GMT+8

2011 年 2 月 9 日 星期三 【晴】

hi..


anyway,.... this morning the stupid train got problem again...
at least the 4th time in 6 months already...
then, it was like 15 mins delay, i was in a super rush... lucky that i always make sure myself
have enough time on the traffic.. i made it in the end, but almost late.

at work... i found out it was *H telling *Me.... i was kind of pissed off at him, i was thinking to
talk with him, but then i figured that wasnt him... i just.... let it go.
coz the thing is.... if i was good then no one could make any complain about me..
and the thing is i sort of know who talked about me, coz some of them changed their attitude
to me today. they became especially friendly to me... they might not be the one complained,
but i m sure they knew what happened and they wanted to make it easier now.
i seriously think that i rather you just open up to me, as in.... just tell me if you think i did
something inappropriate at work. i m very easy going as they always know. they even told
me i'm one of the kindest person at work or they have met. they know me very well that
i rather ppl come up front and tell me what's wrong with me instead of playing game.
so, i dont understand why this time they did that. *C told me that they might think they dont
have the power to talk to me, or it was serious enough to let *Me talked to me.
i dont care. it wasnt that big deal like the end of the world. i didnt make any troubles.
i dont think i deserve that. but whatever it is, i know my friends didnt did that for sure.
and from now on, i wont trust them easily anymore. i might be too sensitive, but if they want
to play that ''being professional'' kind of thing, fine. i would pay much more attention at work,
and dont blame me if i point out anything wrong at work about them. i could i just didnt do.

--------------------------------------


i talked with honey last night, my ticket is confirmed. i m seeing him in.... a few weeks.
i will meet him half way :) yay... i was worried that i have to find my way to get there,
its so complicated. its not about finding way, it's fine. but i'll be so tired changing lines
for ard 2 hrs after 4 hrs flight, then also expecting to see him, i would be so tired afterward.

i m excited but stressed as in..... i m old and fat. so, i m a little worried.
then i also wondered what it'll be like... i miss him so much, i always wanna be back to him.
i just wanna show him how much i love him and how much i want him.
i dont know what he thinks, but i dont want to be shy this time. i want him to see different
sides of me, and i want him to know..... i have been... loving him though i wasnt next to him.
i want to be with him, but i dont know.... if he wants the same actually.





----------------------------------------------------------------


brb

>>February 10, 2011 at 3:58:44 PM GMT+8

2011 年 2 月 8 日 星期二 【晴】

there are ppl you can trust and you cant trust.
bascially you cant treat everyone the same. coz, some of them arent your friend,
and even if they are, they might not be acting as your friend.



*H came talk to me just now... he said he has talked to *Me about me being not
concentrated at work. he said he noticed a few mistake of mine and thought that
i might have some personal things bothering and shouldnt bring them to work.
he said *Me would talk to me later, he just wanted to let me know before she did.
he said *Me found the same. he asked if i had any problems or anything..
i told him no, its just the same, nothing special. to be honest, i just wanted to tell
him i couldnt look all happy 6 days a week at work. i knew i had a few mistakes
at work, i would be careful if you thought that was the big deal. but then everyone
did make mistakes everyday. i dont think he was good at work neither.
he said he's just worried about me as in it made him a bit concerned. for me, its like
fuck it. if its my personal problems then he cant help me. if it's work stuffs that
he wants to make it so clear with me as the supervisor then act like a supervisor,
dont joke around or play around with us. everyone knwos he's scared, but that
doesnt mean he could screw others up so as to protect his ass.
i didnt creat any mess, i didnt make any huge mistake. i was off yesterday.
i couldnt find any serious or minor problems from me. he has to do his job, fine.
maybe he's just being nice or with good intention whatever, i dont buy it.

i m not gonna say anything to anyone, but i will never talk to him about anything else
other than work. cas you really cant trust ppl easily especially at work.
dont take them as your friends, dont.


brb.

>>February 9, 2011 at 3:34:44 AM GMT+8

2011 年 2 月 7 日 星期一 【晴】

hi...

i m very tired today.. hummmm day off today but yea, helped with the cleaning today.
i got up late, then had lunch with my parents, then back home resting and cleaning.

yesterday work was so so, and i was so pissed off when i was buying the ticket on line.
actually i called a few agencies to check the price.. then one agent gave me a very
good deal, so i was gonna order and pick up yesterday. then he said the price was
wrong, okay then i checked on line, i wanted to buy it on line, but then my credit card
didnt allow that transaction. i was working, at the counter alone, so i had to deal
with the customers and solved the problems at the same time. some ppl are just really
dumb that kept asking the same thing over and over again even though you have
explained the things so many times. i was just pissed off, its like... he was asking
about the direction, i told him to keep going straight then turn right then he will find
the exist. there's only one way he could go. then he kept asking if it was the way
he should go, and turn right or left. i even showed him on the map, and he still asked
the same que, i was still very patient. after 5 times maybe? i just said you know what,
just walk then you will see it. just go. then he finally left. i dont want to be rude, i dont
wanna be so impatient, but i cant control when i see ppl like this many times in a day.
not like once a day or once in a while, but...... quite some of them every day.
and this is just one type of the ugly customers, there are so many ridiculous ppl these
days.

*H was playing game with me at the counter another day. it was fun.. but i dont like him..
he borrowed money from me for lunch coz he was running out of cash. he said
he would give me back after lunch but he didnt. he went out to smoke instead.
this is the sec time already..

i saw *J and *F yesterday... *F told me lots of stuffs... i was kind of surprised.
*J said she puked after we left that night.. *F told me next time she doesnt wanna go
drinking with *J... *J told other girls at work that we went drinking. other girls bitch to
*F said *F shouldnt bring *J. i was like omg, why making it such a big deal. that was
*J inviting *F and i to go with her. sigh, i dont like drama at work.

*Lae and *Lu gave me red pocket yesterday... *Lu said my smile is the sweetest one
among all, and i was a good girl, so he wanted to give me a red pocket.. then *Lae
said i was so cute, i deserved 10 red pockets. i was like..... oooookay, thank you...
what could i say? they were both higher than me. and the thing is, maybe they are
just kidding, and i dont think *Lae's wife would like him to say that to me, especially
their baby was just born.

anyway... i got a weird dream last night.... i dont know.... its just weird..
i dont know if it reflects my desire or if its a sign or what it is... its just.... strange.
i dont feel good the whole day today coz of it.......







>>February 8, 2011 at 4:25:53 PM GMT+8

2011 年 2 月 5 日 星期六 【晴】

i didnt write anything in the past few days...

it was okay on the first day of this chinese new year..
went to grandma's place... same as usual..dad's side. its kind of cool as in... i m not sure
how many years more we could all get together even though i dont really like seeing them.
the thing is, somehow i know one day it would end, as in... if my grand parents die,
then i m sure my relatives wont get together with us anymore. my grand parents arent
always bad, sometimes they are nice to us, so... till the day they go, i'd still wanna be
nice to them.. coz.. they are my parents' parents.

after the lunch, we had cake also, coz its also grandpa's bday. then we went to Science
Park. we drove there... take a walk there and had coffee at Pacific Coffee Company. its
seldom we would go for coffee together as a family. then we went to Sha Tin..
we went to Ikea to get some stuffs. we also ate there. i used to like eating there, coz the
food is alright and the price is kind of cheap. but then these days there are too many
chinese mainlanders there that making the place so dirty, and the quality of food went
very bad. so.... no....... that day, it was kind of funny, i made a couple very embarrassed.
they were sitting next to me, then i heard the lady talked about me. she was kind of mean.
she said she'd never seen someone eating chicken wings with folk and knife. i didnt
say anything back. but then they were talking so loud all the time, and that guy was a
real jerk. i couldnt stand them... that guy was talking about a girl behind me. then they
kept talking about that. i told my sis, Miki next to me, i told her that the guy on the next
table kept talking about that girl behind us now. Miki was confused, she asked me what
i meant by the next table. i repeated what i said then i told her that guy next to our
table we didnt have much tables next to us. i shut that couple up. they went silent.
then that girl said let's go. and they made the table to dirty and they didnt clean up.
i kindda felt bad to say that but i really couldnt stand that.

at work it was okay.... got some red pocket. its okay. on the sec day of the chinese
new year, i went to have dinner with grandpa and my relatives, mom's side.
it was nice to see grandpa =) he was happy to see us all. nothing special, good that
dad drives, so i didnt have to walk in the heels. it was killing me.

yesterday was the 3rd day. then after work, i went for a drink with *F and *J.
i stayed very late... felt bad but it was fun. *F chose the places where we could dance.
she knows where to go. but it was so funny we got checked on the ids. *J and i just
kept laughing when the guy checked our id. coz i m 24 already. i dont think i look like i m
under age...... we just laughed... anyway i was dancing with them and some guys
approached us. some guys came to me, i guess they knew i wasnt interested in them.
when they were about to do more or talk more then i pushed them away. i had more
fun with *F though. we were both quite playful. i m sure i was drunk, coz i danced on
the pole table. yes, i went up to the table. i went home pretty late.. we left ard 1, then
sent *J to her bus stop.. she was drunk. i was worried about her. i asked her not to talk
to anyone and not going anywhere. i was drunk but i was okay... *F went looking for
my bus stop with me.. coz my last bus left, i needed to take those night time mini bus..
dangerous.. but that's my only choice. i wondered to take a cap home but very expensive.
no... i still need to save money to pay for my trip. *F didnt kiss me at the end.

then i went home, dad's sitting and waiting for me.. it was ard 2 30.. i felt guilty coz
he was upset.

i went to work today..... nothing much...... same same, last day of the CNY promotion
tomorrow. yay... finally ending again.. but then i m gonna miss *Sn and *Ck.
ppl at work giving me red pockets.. now i know who's married who's not. and then
somehow i wonder why some guys could be so loyal to their wives/ gfs but some
just couldnt. *L was updating me his story another day. i didnt have much to say.
i just kindda laughed and washed him good luck. he wanted to go for a drink with us.
i didnt say yes or no. i smiled back only.

i miss honey. i miss getting close with him. i miss staying in bed with him...
not only that cozy feelings, its something i dont know how to describe.
i miss that i could massage him. i miss that i could get to spend time with him.
i miss that we were playing ard and messing ard. i m sure he's not the best bf ever.
i cried a lot when i was there, but then.... somehow there's something about him
something about us that i cant explain myself. i dont know if it's really that silly or stupid..
and i know sometimes i could find much more reasons to leave than stay, but i dont
want to leave him. i dont know how much longer i could wait, i dont wanna wait for
too long too... i m scared sometimes, i am. coz.... i m getting older and older now..
and youth would grow old, i have seen a lot, experienced a lot that i didnt expect myself
would do. i just think i should think about what i m gonna do. not only for our relationship
but myself.... i need to think for my future.. i picture myself tied up with him, but i m
not sure when he'll be ready to marry me. maybe he hasnt really thought about it?
i think he's my future, but does he think the same too? we dont usually talk about it,
coz i dont wanna give him stress.. i always think that if the guy really wants to marry
a girl or be with a girl, he would initiate it, the girl shouldnt need to chase after him
to marry her. well.... maybe right now it's not the right time to talk about it.. i dont know..
but when i see the families or couples in our mall walking ard, or those travelers
staying in our mall, then i just kindda wonder if i would get the chance to do the same
thing... would i end up being single? then i m asking myself if he wants the same thing
or he actually doesnt want me? i rather he being honest with me on that. coz...
i already know guys can bull shit a lot just to make a girl stay or when they want
something from the girls.. i just dont want that happen on me especially when i can
actually sense guys lying and when i choose to trust him so much that he wont lie to me.
if in the end i find him lying, i wont be able to recover from that.

brb... shower first..

>>February 6, 2011 at 4:56:55 PM GMT+8