2011 年 12 月 25 日 星期日 【晴】

my eyes are pain. i cried myself in bed last night.
i asked myself, where he went, where he was. what happened to us.

if i could choose, would i prefer having a bright future on my own or i'd choose to have
a family. i'd rather having a slower life with ppl i love than staying in Vancouver by myself.
i rather being a wife with kids. i'm a very simple person. i dont need to be rich or being
famous. i just want to be with the ppl i care and love, and live my life happily.
i dont care if my husband rich or poor. i could work part time. i m not low educated,
i m not a stupid woman without knowledge. i just prefer a simple life. but why?
why do i need to sound so needy and desperate here, when i dont want to be like that?

i dont want to be alone there, i really dont.
i really dont want to face everything on my own. i dont want to live there and think about us
in the past when he's nt there. i'm gonna miss him so much so much, everything there is
gonna remind me of him. what the fuck am i supposed to do? i'm so scared. so scared.
so scared that my life would be without him. i'm so scared.

have i ever blamed him? nope. but if he loves me but leave me coz of that, i would.

>>December 26, 2011 at 12:52:40 PM GMT+8

2011 年 12 月 24 日 星期六 【晴】

Happy Birthday to Jesus Lord

i took the day off yesterday, got up late..
then went out with my family. we went to the night market. it was okay.

i start to wonder if i m actually in or out. sometimes i think i'm in,
but maybe all the time i've been living in a dream. maybe i've never been in.

i miss him, i hope he's fine.

b.r.b.








>>December 25, 2011 at 5:37:37 AM GMT+8

2011 年 12 月 22 日 星期四 【晴】












i took another half day off today. yesterday half day, coz of my eyes..
then today i could barely made it to the office, i couldnt even stand or walk..
then i stayed for 2 hrs something, my manager saw me and asked me to go home.
it was pretty crazy at work. i wanted to be there but i also found it very hard for me,
i couldnt function this morning, so i left.

my eyes got infection again, pain and really red..
beside, i got cramping this morning on the way to work. felt really bad the whole morning.
i had prepared some little candies and chocolate for my co-workers at work,
including for the promoters. but guess i couldnt do anything now. doctor wrote me 3 days
off, then i also have prepared gifts exchanging with *J, *C, and *K.. didnt join the
christmas party at work, canceled the dinner with *J, *CG, and *J's bf *KL.
*L dropped by from Shanghai this afternoon, he mesged me. he's back and he only
mesged me wanna introduced his new gf and friends to me, but i told him i gotta go,
i needed to see the doctor and go home. too bad... see if i d feel better tmr, then we might
be able to meet. my christmas is kindda weird this year.

i hope he's alright. i miss him.

we'd need to stand up from where we fell, so that we could carry on.
but somehow i wonder how we should take the chance or to move on.
you know, moving on could be anything. and for myself, stand up from where i fell is more
like how i see myself from the failure. if i couldnt face it, it would keep hitting me again and
again. if i could go back and changed it, is it gonna be different? it might or might not.
if it doesnt matter now, then i'd move on. if it does matter, i'll try to go back and make
some changes. if i couldnt, then i'd understand. at least i've tried. at the end, i guess the spirit
matters more than the outcome. coz, we cant control everything anyway. i'll stand up
from where i fell. i might not success, but i know i have been back there, i have stood up
carrying on my days.

i cant see the future of myself.. i'm pretty lonely as well. i know if i m going to canada,
it's gonna be so hard on myself. but seems like i dont have much choices.
it's gonna be very challenging, could be good and could be very bad. i dont think i'd be
happy, but it's just another way to live i guess. Cas, what are you gonna do?
what've you done to yourself?




>>December 23, 2011 at 6:22:34 PM GMT+8

2011 年 12 月 19 日 星期一 【晴】



brb... i'd need to sleep first..

>>December 20, 2011 at 5:30:38 PM GMT+8

2011 年 12 月 17 日 星期六 【晴】

i had a very weird dream last night... it sure was a nightmare and i felt really bad when i got up.
i dreamt that i saw honey. and there i saw him with another girl. and he ignored me.
i didnt do anything or say anything there. i was watching him walking away. and i saw Mami
pregnant. it was strange and i was sad. i worried it became real.

work was as crazy. some rude guy complained about the mall signage, then all of the sudden
becoming my problems. he said he would email the manager and would include my name
and the others. fucking asshole. he was lame coz of his stupid camera stand. his gf was
pissed at him not coz of me or anyone. he just came to the counter to ask for the black and
white copy of the signage. i knew there wasnt. so i asked him to wait, i'd need to confirm with
the management office. then in his complain he said we couldnt give him what he wanted,
didnt know anything at all. FUCK HIM. go fuck himself coz of course his gf wasnt gonna let
him touch her tonight. and who would fucking showing off the diamond ring with poses at
the mall? stupid couple.

i met with Ivy last night, and Karen on Fri night... it was cool to see them again.
just trying to see my close friends before christmas. sigh.

i miss him though.









>>December 18, 2011 at 6:06:52 PM GMT+8

2011 年 12 月 15 日 星期四 【晴】

today.... i was pretty happy and at the same time very sad.
*J got into Dragon Air. she's leaving. i m so happy like so happy for her,
but at the same time i m sad that she's my best friend at work, and she's leaving.
it's just so sudden now. i think her bf d feel the same too.

work was very tiring today.. really.
after work, i met with Karen. it's been so long we havent met actually.
it was very nice to see her again. we had a big hug when we saw each others.
i do have lots of good friends in HK actually..
Karen, Shan, Ivy, Jackie, Mable, Joyce, Cynthia, Capella, Ade are my best friends
and close friends... then i like hanging out with Frederica, Lily, Choici...i dont know..
i love my family the most and i love hanging out with honey too.

anyway... yea... christmas is coming soon.. my fav season... but...... i m not very happy.

i'm not feeling well..

>>December 16, 2011 at 3:33:54 PM GMT+8

2011 年 12 月 14 日 星期三 【晴】

:'(

my body hurts a lot. my feet, my legs, and my shoulders.
few weeks ago, i fell on the escalator when i was on the way to work.
the wound is swollen and become hard now. last time when i went to the doctor after my final
interview day, he said i broke the bone and it's growing now that's why it's swollen, but it should
get better soon. it's still pretty huge and hard now. i m a little worried.

then today at work was really crazy...
i got 5 hrs standing at the tower reception. helped checking tenants' octopus cards.
those ppl are just stupid. sigh. 5 hrs non stop. then another 3 hrs at the promotion desk with
one promotor only. and kept redeeming gifts out. ppl kept lining up, running out of vouches,
running out of envelopes, no time to input redemption record, no time to prepare for the
hard copy record. it was really crazy, really crazy.

i'm so tired... and that freaking bitch from the store really complained about me and the
others. i thought she complained about me only, coz my manager came to the counter
to talk to me about the exemption policy. she told me that store complained about the
promotion. i thought about to tell her what happened, but i guess it was not necessary,
since i was off after that night. she must have heard enough before i needed to explain
myself. i found it pretty bad, coz at first the girls(bitchy teammates) didnt call the
supervisor or in-charge person or the manager when they met that crazy bitch from
the store. it was our problem. then that freaking bitchy called in to talk to me, but i wasnt
informed by anyone for such case, so i wasnt prepared, so i couldnt have stopped her
complaining, our fault again. and now the manager came talk to me, it seemed
becoming my problem totally, coz that freaking crazy bitch asked for me name only as
i knew. so i was really upset after my manager left. i was at the counter with that guy
promotor, and we were so busy, ppl kept coming. we were counting vouches, counting
records, making soft copy, stamping vouchers, calling vouchers and envelopes,
and i needed to arrange ppl to delivery them. it was so crazy. my tears were rolling in
my eyes at first after my manager left... then i just stopped coz i really needed to focus
to clear up the customers first.. i wasnt happy about that... during lunch break, i asked
the girls if they knew what happened. they told me, so i realized not only me being
complained. i was feeling really bad.

anyway... after work, i just came home.. i fell asleep on the bus..
and the bus suddenly stopped, lots of ppl almost fell, i got woke. scary. it almost hit
another car..

i miss him.. i hope he's alright.








>>December 15, 2011 at 2:47:37 PM GMT+8

2011 年 12 月 13 日 星期二 【晴】

i got scolded by a bitch today.. for some stupid reason. just coz she couldnt get the free
parking. but who's wrong? not me. just that she's not following the rule. and when i tried to
explain to her, she freaking start yelling at me. then i ignored her rude tone. then she said
"MERRY CHRISTMAS, MISS'' she wasnt going to say ''miss'' she paused before saying it.

sigh.. work was getting crazy.. and had briefing today..
after work, met with Jackie and Mable. Jackie bought us dinner for celebrating getting
her firs job after grad. it was okay except we were a little tired..

i miss him.



>>December 14, 2011 at 4:45:44 PM GMT+8

2011 年 12 月 11 日 星期日 【晴】

i'm home tidying my stuffs the whole day since i got up at noon...
not feeling very well, headache.

i wish honey is fine. i miss him so much.

>>December 12, 2011 at 3:49:22 PM GMT+8

2011 年 12 月 10 日 星期六 【晴】

i wanna cry...

ppl are nuts. i got yelled by two different bitches today. and both were like not my fault at all.
ppl keep abusing ''services'' these days, being extremely rude, seriously extremely rude.
not only the customers, the sales ppl from the stores are so freaking crazy too.
i almost cried after that call from that bitchy sales girl.

i'm not the type of person who likes to take advantage on ppl or do whatever to get what i want.
i like to go by rules even though i m very spontaneous. i wont force ppl to agree with me,
especially when i know i'm wrong. so i really dont like when ppl are pushing on me for the
wrong reason.

the first lady screamed ''for fuck sake'' loudly to me when i explained to her nicely that the
lift is going down to the carpark not going up. there are signs everywhere. why didnt she look
before coming in? and when ppl come in, i kept announcing the lift is going to the carpark
only. she just came in and kept pressing the button to go up and i explained to her so she
could take other lifts to go up instead. then she yelled at me then ran out. other ppl were
looking at me. i was very embarrassed. ppl just dont listen. they ignore me then keep talking
loudly. they dont respect others or themselves. and when they couldnt get what they want
then start barking.

the second one was the sales girl. she called and challenged me on the rules for the promotion.
fucking stupid. i asked her if she understood the regulations during the shop briefing. it was
very clear during the briefing. it's not the first promotion ever happened in the mall. and there
were black and white memo for them. they made it wrong to the customers its their fucking
problem. she called and yelled at me taking non-sense. i asked her if she knew the details of
the promotion, she said so now i was questioning on her. (for me of course i do question her)
i told her very politely like coz it was pretty clear that customers could only combine two
receipts from two different store. i asked if that customer did two different purchases at the
same time. she said within 2 hrs. then i said it was really different then. it's obviously two
different purchases. then she started yelling how how we are being so inflexible. in the end
were would need to give the customer honestly. i told her no, we couldnt do that. i asked
her how i might address her. she said Co-co. i called her mam. then she said i knew her
name then why calling her mam. i told her excuse me, Ms. Co-co, we really couldnt do the
redemption for her customer. she said she couldnt say no to her customer. i told her if she
wanted she could pass us the case, we would contact her to see if we could do the special
arrangement for her customer. she said she would not let us contact her. she would ask
her to contact us ''to redeem the gift'' i said sorry no i couldnt promise. she asked for me
name, i said my last name is LAU, my name is .... i was pretty straight forward to her.
she said we were both staffs, shouldnt go against each others. (i was like oh yea you fucking
called and kept yelling and pushing me to do you a fav in a super bitchy attitude like i was
working for you or lower than you. you fuck off now.) i told her if she wanted, we would
handle the case, otherwise there's nothing i can do for her right now. then she got so pissed
shouted so loudly ''i told you i wouldnt give you her contact or let you speak to her!! dont
you understand?!! i would let her contact you, and you'd need to do the redemption for her!"
then she hung up. fucking idiot. i m not gonna do that. ppl were stuck at the desk coz of
that stupid phone call. i couldnt do any work, *S was doing all the work alone while i picked
up that stupid call. ppl kept staring at me when i was talking. i was being very polite already.
it's like sooooo embarrassing. coz ppl can hear what i said to her. i was pretty assertive and
straight forward. i wish i pushed the speaker button, so everyone can hear what she said
and knew whom that Ms.Co-co is.

i was really mad, like what the hell? but then ppl were waiting for me and *S. so...
i just kept working and smiling like nothing happened. in fact i was really mad and upset.
i do need to admit that EQ is really really important for my job. i really want to quit all of the
sudden. its like these days customer service is just crap not coz of the ppl having bad
quality for this job but the job nature changes so much, ppl are killing customer servers.

tmr i'm off. but first thing to do when i get up is to call my supervisor to report to her
about that crazy bitch from the store. i asked ard when we were changing after work.
i asked the girls. two of them got scolded by that bitch before me. they didnt redeem the
gift for her customer, so they bitched to the girls already. then she called again to
make sure i would redeem for her customer. fuck that shit. she's making enemies with
everyone now. she fucking asked the girls to apologize to her. she's fucking on drugs.
then she called yelling at me. i m definitely calling my supervisor tmr.

>>December 11, 2011 at 5:45:01 PM GMT+8