2012 年 12 月 20 日 星期四 【晴】

i got up at 4:30 last night, standby from 6am. then i got acknowledgement...
Beijing 908/9 turn around. one of the most unpopular flight. then.... i wonder why not call those
standby from 5am instead? maybe they were called for other duties already.
sigh... today was called the ''the end of the world flight'' so, everyone feels weird and guessing
how it'd be like dying this way away from home. for me, i was watching my watch, almost 3 pm,
but then i gotta start busy again.. then i just missed that 3pm sharp, and nothing happened.
i was at Beijing during transit. nothing happened..

i emailed honey this morning when i was on the way to work. he emailed back at his 3 sth.
he said yea, the world was going to end and he was going to Daiso. haha, i got his email
when i was back to ground tonight.. freaking tiring full load flights. i miss him so much..

i got the feeling that he still hasnt sent the form and his passport copy to me.
sigh... guys....

anyway, tomorrow standby again, and i hope for no calls no acknowledgement...
i wanna rest at home. they changed my standby hr........ tmr would be 9am-5pm.
hope for the best.

hummmm i got the email from Dr.Li last night. she invited me to help her doing some
translation work. it's about sociology, i dont know the exact topic yet, but that would be
something i'm interested in. i would love to do that. and i can get extra money. i really need
extra money. i need to pay back my student loan again, then also the tax is coming.
then i wanna save up money for visiting him or meeting hime else where, or he could come
to HK, that'd be awesome. i told him about Dr.Li emailed me, but he didnt answer anything.
well, i took the offer. just that i'm gonna be busy as hell during christmas and the new year eve.
coz everything has to be done in 2 weeks, and i got full schedule for flying. every day off, i'd be
home sitting infront of the computer working on those paper i think. but i also wanna enjoy the
christmas time with my family. what about honey? he always seems busy.

my back hurt so much, and during the bus ride from home to the airport and also back home
just now i was sleeping on the bus. i was completely exhausted.

that night, i met Shan and Ella for dinner.. we chatted alot. Ella seems a bit sick, i m a little worried
about her. and i really wanna drop by some small little gift for her and her baby girl. coz she
brought me chocolate that night that i didnt expect. Shan and i exchanged gift every years since
we were kids. we are best friends. so, Ella joined our dinner, happy to have her honestly.
but we didnt prepare gift for her. but she got me chocolate that was so sweet. i brought her some
small chocolate too, but i guess it was with Shan coz Ella came late. i passed the bag of gift to
Shan already. what surprising me was... Shan actually has a lot to tell me when we were speaking
in private. i mean we did some girl talk. i asked about her family since her dad just passed away
not long ago.. then asked about her boyfriend Choi. i thought they were okay, then all of the
sudden, Shan said she might not marry him. she couldnt convince herself with him. i was shocked.
i asked why. then... i think it's a small thing, but for her its been forever, and it really hurt her.
he was so cold when she was dealing with her dad's problems and his death. he could be nice
and thoughtful for their friends, whenever they needed help, Shan and Choi were always there
for them. but then when Shan needs someone there for her, he was absent and being cold to her.
she was confused wether he didnt realised that or he's just like that but Shan has never expected
he would be as cold. her dad was very nice to Choi, treated him like a family. but after he died,
Choi didn't offer any help or showed his concern. and whenever Shan said she still missed her
dad. Choi complained why still missing her dad. as i know her dad just passed away not long
ago. Shan told him she wanted some candy, just to make herself feel better, Choi didnt care,
and just laughed at her and walked away. i could totally understand how she would have felt,
since we have been best friends since childhood. Choi wanted to marry her, but she refused.
she didnt know why but she just didnt feel secure about marriage. i guess coz her dad has left
home since she was so young, and all of the sudden her dad the man she respected the most
actually lied to everyone in her family that he had another family in China. she was so disappointed.
she didnt wanna get married also coz of Choi. she didnt find its the right time for them. they love
each others, they are best friends as well, they have been together since they were in secondary
school. so...... i dont know. they go to the same church, i thought they are perfect.. but maybe...
perfection needs time and efforts to complete.

anyway,... i should go to bed... :(




>>December 21, 2012 at 4:53:31 PM GMT+8

2012 年 12 月 18 日 星期二 【晴】

i m finally off today..... i slept for 12 hrs. really i was like sleeping dead.

my flight yesterday was pretty scary... flying with a bunch of FJ, except pursers, senior purser
and chief purser.. i was the only FAY. it's very scary. they were not very nice at the beginning,
then i was a little shy since they were all FJ. anyway, i did my job. it's alright. flight was smooth,
and the FJ said i was actually quite nice as a new joiner, especially compared to those in the past,
we the latest new joiners are well selected actually. the less they hire, the better quality ppl they get.

i was kind of sad during takeoff, coz... i felt so lonely there, they all knew each others and kept
chatting and gossiping. i dont like that. and i worry i wasnt fast enough or good enough.
then.. yea... i was thinking of honey, what he'd tell me if he knew i was sacred.
i miss him so much, then i told myself once i finished the duty back in HK, then i could email him.
then when i came back to HK, i walked ard the airport.. just wanna take some time to slow down
and relax before getting on the crazy bus.. then when i got to the bus stop, i saw his email.
i miss him lots...

i m meeting Shan and Ella for dinner later.. just some hot pot dinner at the fast food place.

be right back..



>>December 19, 2012 at 11:31:39 AM GMT+8

2012 年 12 月 15 日 星期六 【晴】

last night i got canceled one flight, so i didnt make my overnight flight at XMN.
today, carry on the same schedule, flying to NGB overnight. hope it'd be okay.
same crews as yesterday except the SP. hope it'd be alright. the girls seem a bit funny
but yea, lots of laughs at the galley yesterday.. they got lots of jokes, bad jokes and funny
stories to share. in the acceptable kinky way i'd say. so yea, happy to have them.

i miss him, hope his plan is going well this weekend..

hope to see him soon as well.. i'll pass my probation in Feb, soon yea?
i checked my CCPMS.. i'd never remembered we had such thing.. the girls reminded me
yesterday we could actually check the rate of our performance. it's average about 3.1 out of 4.0
i remember some of the sections on my check flight report were pretty good, got 4.0 the whole
section, and some small parts are 4.0 as well, and the rest, like around half were rated 3.0
so, my average was around 3 sth.. same. i hope i'd get 4.0 one day, but i also know it's not
possible.. coz the CP is not going to rate the Purser as high, so the purser would think they cant
rate 4.0 for us. coz if they do, and they dont get the same 4.0 from the CP, then it'd be like a
joke on their own performance. it's just a dark side but reality.

anyway... i hope he'll have a nice weekend. i really miss him much.

i know i'll miss my family too everytime when i have overnight flight, but i m also happy to go
for the overnight flight.. it's like a little holiday each time except it's extremely tiring as well.

see you soon... go go go Cas..

>>December 16, 2012 at 5:53:08 AM GMT+8

2012 年 12 月 13 日 星期四 【晴】

hello...

my beijing flights were done... very tiring... but after that 3 days pattern, i had the PNH flight.
it was as tiring but still alright...... two days off, yesterday and today... i went to ifc yesterday.
met with Mandy for lunch, then i walked around... did some christmas shopping, then came home.
it was good to see the girls, but they were still bullied by those bad girls. i cant do much for them
though. or maybe i could... just need to find out how.

i m very tired... then last night i was trying to fix and send the pics to honey... i was up till
almost 4 am. then today, just had hang out with my family just now.. i watched the movie during
morning.. the movie was ''Click'' i quite like this movie actually.

i m sooooo tired.... tmr, it'd be the 3-2-1 pattern... HKG-KHH-HKG-XMN, then the next day
would be XMN-HKG-NGB, then the last day NGB-HKG. after 3 days pattern, i still have another
duty before another day off... the thing is, after staying outport, it's always tiring and in the holiday
mood. i always want the day off right after overnight duty. but still have another duty before day off.

i miss him lots.. dont know if he has sent the form to me yet.. and i also need his passport copy.
i wanna submit it soon, so it'd save time for the process in future..

ppl keep saying that 12.12.12. and the last day of the earth is coming soon..
i didnt pay attention to that 12.12.12. i totally didnt realise that. did i miss something important now?
would i regret? if the last day does come, i dont know where i will be, or who would be next to me.
i wish i would be surrounded by my family and him. but it's not possible. i'd either be at work,
or home, or at the mall, or... i dont know... probably with a bunch of ppl i dont know or with the
other crews, or maybe with my family... who knows... but i wanna be with him.

>>December 14, 2012 at 11:57:31 AM GMT+8

2012 年 12 月 7 日 星期五 【晴】

i m sooooo tired........ first operation on A320....... it was okay, not as bad as i thought
i would be except being really nervous that messed up a bit at the beginning.
Cas, you really have to work on that.

i m getting more serious with the motion sickness... the bus ride is really terrible..
i do my revision every time on the bus ride, and i start to feel sick easily... wanna vomit
and headache. am i getting a cold or something? i get dizzy too, especially after flight.

i m flying to Beijing tomorrow afternoon, then staying for 2 nights there...
HKG-PEK, PEK-HKG-PEK, PEK-HKG.
no time to go out though.. maybe just dinner nearby the hotel... no day time visit.
both days reporting at 7am in the hotel lobby... cant even have the breakfast which i love
the most for the meal............. then yea.. if i wanna go out during day time, probable going
out at 5:30am, then rush back by 6:30am... coz i still need time to get changing.
then... which means i have to get up by 4am to do my makeup and hair.. that doesnt sound
very nice. or i go out at night which i dont prefer... so.... i dont know....................

i miss him. can we use skype in the hotel?

i need to go to bed now..... so sleepy.... and tmr i should get up ard 7 am...
freaking 3:20 now... :(

>>December 8, 2012 at 6:20:19 PM GMT+8

2012 年 12 月 6 日 星期四 【晴】

i miss him.

i sent him a big package few days ago at the airport before work. i m happy that's the big
package this time. there're lots of things :) hope he'd like them though..
it does take some time to prepare each packages each times. but i m happy to do so.
i want him to have a warm and happy christmas.

he said he'd fill the form. so, he could be my travel partner :)
it'd be soooo great that we could fly together, or he could have the benefit. it's awesome!
we could finally do that. i cant wait.

i will operate the A320 tmr.... the last flight was supposed to do that but got changed back
to the A33C. i probably like A330 more than A320/1 coz.... i m getting used to the big aircraft
instead of the small one. it's new to me, and i m a bit nervous. i need to spend some time
tmr morning to prepare for that. then i probably will be checked-flight the day after...
i will fly to Beijin over night, 3 days 2 nights pattern.

brb...












>>December 7, 2012 at 1:17:43 PM GMT+8

2012 年 12 月 3 日 星期一 【晴】

i m so exhausted today... sny, not operating, but really tired.
i couldnt go to the post office today, too rush.. i was preparing, studying for the flight today..
tomorrow i cant go to the post office too, coz tmr flight would be earlier, and i dont have enough
rest tonight already. now its freaking 2:25am...
i drop by the book store to buy a christmas card today, yea not enough time for the package
plus the card together today.. so, just get the card first.. i hope i could go the day after..

just now, i checked the company website.... they had announced we could submit the nomination
of our one traveling partner, and two family members. i downloaded the form just now...
hummm for family one, they already asked the info and copies of passport of my family already.
so i just need to give them two names, then it'd be fine. they already did the approval thing..
but for the traveling partner, we havent submitted anything.. and now it's time to do it.
i wanna invite honey. well, i did mention to him and invited him before.. and now it's time to do it.

i hope this would help him and help us. this is also one of the reasons why i wanna be a cabin
crew, coz we could get more chances to meet up. you know why i wanna fly JAL or CX?
coz they both go to Japan, and they stay overnight there. for CX, they are hiring again next year.
i think about it, not only coz i wanna fly long haul international flights, but CX is much bigger
than KA, and the most importantly, they have Canada base and London base. either way,
it might be easier for us. i wanna try British Airway or Virgin Atlantic too. but they seldom hire here.




>>December 3, 2012 at 6:32:22 PM GMT+8

2012 年 12 月 1 日 星期六 【晴】

i m... resting these two days. i did some christmas shopping today too..
i actually like shopping alone. i like meeting with friends to do window shopping..
but when i actually need to do some serious shopping, i dont mind doing it alone.
coz, yea... free to walk around and come back, browse a few shops before deciding.
i might need opinion about colours and stuffs, but to be honest, while choosing something
for someone, it depends on how i feel if the person would like it or not. its more risky but at the
same time the meaning behind the gift gets stronger.

i actually care if he'd contact me. i feel like i m always waiting for his email. somehow i think its
not good. i think i should enjoy my day as well. not that i dont enjoy my day here, i just dont
want to find him so far from me. trying to share because i miss him, because i want to be
connected with him. he might find me very annoying, i dont know. he might. i find myself a bit
annoying too. i probably shouldnt be the one who always make the contact. i feel like i m pushing
myself to him but he's not taking. Cas, cant you just be normal and stop being such girly and
needy? you have your own life too.

i watched one of my fav movies at the restaurant with my family today..
the first time i watched that movie was in Canada that year... i borrowed lots of dvd from the
library there. i watched lots of chinese movies there, and lots of talk shows, women shows,
tv dramas, just kept watching tv. i love that.

and i miss the days there, coz i could see him everyday. sometimes we'd hang out together,
sometimes we dont. i like the weekdays while he goes to work, i have my personal time i could
spend time with myself. i also like the weekend when he had time we could go out sometimes,
or his friends would come over. i like the night, when he's relaxed, we could spend time together
at the end of the day.. i dont like when there was another girl staying over that made me very
uncomfortable. but what could i do? i spent a night with my own that isnt a problem. although i
was upset, it didnt kill me. i learnt to be independent. there was no fighting between me and that girl.
i act confident just coz i didnt wanna lose my cool. you already know where the guy goes to,
there's no need to be even worse than losing myself for such thing. if i lose, i still have my
dignity. if he wants her, he should take her and let me go. there never anyone could stop
him doing what he wanted anyway. why bother to try stopping him or said no to him.
does it really matter what i say? if he wants to do it, he would do it. if he doesnt, he wouldnt.
same as today. if he really wants to talk to me, i think he'd find his way to do it. but if he doesn't,
should i really keep being so annoying? i dont think so even though i m waiting.
the kind of feelings sucks. coz you know its not a must but you'd still do. that what love would
make you to do. you surrender.

i remember once he had told me... he'd never spent as much time with anyone in the world.
he's always alone coz he prefer alone. im the only person he has spend the most time with
in his entire life. at that time, i asked him what about Ayako? he said no. i didnt say much,
but i started to do math on my mind.. and what about the dogs? at that time i would think actually
he loves his dogs more than me. he likes spending time with Ayako more than with me.
they never fight, she never disappointed him. she can do everything in the house, he didnt need
me. i was the extra person in the house. they could spend a whole morning together before
he went to work. she took care of the housework and the dogs, he cooked the dinner.
they ate together, she's the one who took care of other things. i was extra there.
do i like her? yes. coz they're a family already. somehow i have wondered if he would marry her
if he didnt meet me. what if Ayako needs someone too? does she like him too? i dont want
to make such comparison, coz i know i would lose. girls always make assumption. i might
not tell anyone, but i do assume myself at the bottom so when it comes to the answer,
it wont hurt as much. the confident look is for hiding and overing the broken side.
not trusting people easily is for protecting the fragile side. because i'm fragile, i need to act
strong. i m not strong, i m just acting to be strong. so people cant hurt me easily.
even if it does hurt, they cant see. and so when i cry, i dont want anyone to see or know.

last time was very embarrassing when i cried inflight. i made the purser felt weird too.
i dont hate her, i should thank her for the lesson. i wrote her a little note actually..
but i still havent got the chance to drop by the mailbox. anyway... yea...

tomorrow and the day after i'd have the observation flight with the small aircraft...
then i'd start operating one. then... yea... i actually need to complete another test online.
my due date is really soon. i m just too lazy. i wanted to wait till finishing the conversion
training. which its already done now. i m too lazy and tired yesterday and today.
i needed lots of sleep these days. its crazy. i could easily sleep for 10 to 12 hrs.
i had lots of nightmares, so... not good sleep, maybe that's why?

tomorrow i hope to drop by the post office as well... but i havent wrote a card yet..
i dont wanna buy an expensive card, but i do wanna write something for him.

Cas..... please try to stay strong.. you cant fall.. imagine if you do.. what would happen?
stop being so freaking weak please. i m not a princess, and i dont have to be one.










>>December 2, 2012 at 4:12:57 PM GMT+8

2012 年 11 月 30 日 星期五 【晴】















>>December 1, 2012 at 5:59:15 PM GMT+8

2012 年 11 月 29 日 星期四 【晴】

very very tired...

the conversion training is done finally.. i m very.... exhausted.
i only slept for a few hrs each days..... sooooo tired.... then lots of stuffs are shown in the
mock up for once, then needed to demonstrate as the assessment. like all the procedure
for different exit operation. it was pretty stressful for me. coz i was very nervous..
and the different locations for all the equipments on different aircrafts. it was crazy.
and also the signalling system and lighting thing... and calling system... emergency indicator
for different situation... then how to evacuate in different situations, and under what
circumstances what we need to do, how to operate on each exist, what command to
shout, what to bring, what to do with the passengers about where they sit, what to brief
them during different situations... it was all..... covered and needed to be assessed.
what you hear and see in the cabin,..... different indicator and things like that... how does the
communication work in the cabin with different number of crews.. what position we take,
and with different positions we have different roles and jobs to do. it was crazy..
for the big aircraft, we have 7 weeks to cover all. and for the new 3 types of small aircrafts
we have learned during this conversion training, there were only 3 days. so... yea.... super
stressed.... and during induction, if we fail, we have 1 chance to retake during safety training.
this time, if fail, dismissal without any chances for retake. just dismissal. after flying for 2 months,
and if needed to be out, it would have really hurt. like........ there were ppl failed the conversion
training and packed their stuffs and left. it was real, and happened often. it was just scary.

luckily......... after all, i passed. i was freaking out myself as well. i didnt know if i could pass.
i wasnt confident when i took my exam today. i saw the timmer counting down.. it was scary
when i wasnt sure about my answers. 4 questions wrong then i would be gone. questions were
tricky. i was worried.. i m lucky.

i wanna write more... but i'd need to go now.... having dinner with the girls..
i m so tired... after i m home, i dont wanna go out again.... and it's raining outside..
pretty depressing to me.. i miss Vancouver, and i miss him.

:'(




>>November 30, 2012 at 8:41:18 AM GMT+8