2012 年 11 月 25 日 星期日 【晴】

Happy Birthday to Doris, my little sister.


yesterday was the first time i ever cried inflight. thats crazy.
i was very disappointed by myself. well, not completely my fault but still why i was challenged
coz i wasnt smart enough... i was very stupid. anyway, i will do better next time.
i just didnt think i was that bad and i was confused and disappointed.
for both flights, outbound and inbound, i was given hard time many times..

i was very upset still after duty, then i emailed honey.. wish i didnt wake him from sleeping.
thank him. i really love him so much. i love him for everything. sometimes i do ask myself why
i love him so much, i cant explain, i just do... and i cant find someone else that i have the
similar feelings or i would do the same with.

i also told Joyce and some of my close friends what happened.. at work, i only told Joyce.
i dont wanna tell my classmates.. i might tell Bonnie, but not any soon.. i wanna let it be.

i have been contacting some photographers about my photo shoot.. i need pics to put into
my profolio at work...... hope they wont charge me too much. i dont wanna spend extra
money for that..

i have been doing some small christmas shopping. not done yet... basically buying small
things and i will re-pack them for different gifts for my best friends and some close friends.
also for my honey and family.. but for honey and family, of course that would be different.
of course would be more in detail and special :) hee.

i love christmas, coz it's always beautiful.. it's Jesus's birthday. it's the end of the year time..
it's about celebrating Jesus's birthday, and being joyful and warm in the winter time with
the trees and candle. and the sweet smell and food. i dont know.. i wanna spend christmas
with honey but we cant this year...

anyway.. i'd need to study now..





>>November 26, 2012 at 5:55:58 AM GMT+8

2012 年 11 月 18 日 星期日 【晴】

hi...

i m so tired.

my india flight ws awful. the crews were super nice and taught me lots of things..
but the place there suck.. and my experience told me that the next time if i fly there,
i should stay at the hotel instead. i m not stepping out. i just bring a book or something.

anyway, i wanna write a lot, but i m too tired already... i had a flight to taipei tonight..
so tiring.. then i m flying to shanghai overnight tomorrow night...

the marketing and event team talked with me today, they asked me to send some
professional pics... i dont have them... but they want them.......... sigh.

i met with Jacky and Mabel yesterday. we had lunch together, just in taipo. it was great to
meet them. my best friends.. i know jacky since we were 9. i remember we used to be
friends at first then we argued a lot, then we became best friends. haha.. long story.
anyway, yea, so happy to see them.. we plan to meet again during Dec for Christmas.

i miss him.... i really wish to see him soon... i dont know what to do when i miss him so much.
i sent him a package.. i hope he likes it, but he also asked me not to risk sending him those.
hummm.. i dont wanna risk that too.. but somehow i really want to share with him or show
him what they are.. so.. yea.. but of course i dont wanna ... yea.. anyway..
when can i see him again? i want to be in his arms again. not anyone else but him.
oh gosh i miss him so much. does he miss me the same?

i love my family too.. but sometimes i m very exhausted after flights... i get annoyed much
easier these days. i dont like myself like this.. i should be careful, i dont want to hurt their feelings.
even though they dont complain, i know i m not in good mood, it's all shown on my tiring face.
i feel bad when i m tired.. i want to relax and spend time on my own.. but i usually cant.
i dont know.. i should go to bed first.. i m so exhausted :'(

but of course... i dont wanna be whining in front of ppl.






>>November 19, 2012 at 7:03:50 PM GMT+8

2012 年 11 月 13 日 星期二 【晴】

i met up with my aunt and parents for lunch, then i went meeting with the girls..
hummm just wanted to hang out... we chatted, i tried the soya black sugar ginger tea at mccafe.

i didnt do much these two days... i was kindda sad. just want to have some fresh air and relax.
i saw lots of christmas stuffs already. i m thinking about the christmas shopping too.
i did some shopping yesterday... special discount for members of the body shop.
so, yea.. i did some shopping, probably a little over budget. but still, those are the stuffs i need
and also for christmas. and now it's much cheaper, so i should buy now instead of wait till
next month. then, i bought a pair of yawn tight pants for winter.. i'd need that especially during
standby. if i dont move around, i d get freeze easily during winter. i always have cold feet and
cold hands, cant help it.. i already bought some disposable hand warmer packs as well..
those are for the overnight shift at china, much colder there than in hk.

i sent honey a package yesterday... hope he'd get it soon. hope he'd like it..
i dreamt of him last night. i dont know why i'd miss him so much. i hate it when i miss him that
much. and he doesnt seem to write me as often. sometimes it makes me wanna cry.

and this song i dont know why it makes me wanna cry too everytime when i listen to it on the
radio. i dont like the radio playing sad song in the early morning.. it s depressing.. :'(

Cas, watch out, dont be too emotional.







2:37am... couldnt sleep.. found this lyrics on line... yea.. still having this song in my head..
:S weird...


軌跡 | Gui Ji |

曲: 周杰倫
Qu: Jay Chou
Music: Jay Chou

詞：黃俊郎
Ci: Huang Jun Lang
Lyrics: Huang Jun Lang

Translation: wackycashew – www.jay-chou.net

Verse 1

怎麼隱藏 我的悲傷
zen me yin cang wo de bei shang
How to hide my sadness

失去妳的地方
shi qu ni de di fang
The place where I lost you

妳的髮香 散的匆忙
ni de fa xiang san de cong mang
The fragrance of your hair scatters hastily

我已經跟不上
wo yi jing gen bu shang
I already cannot catch up

Verse 2

閉上眼睛 還能看見
bi shang yan jing hai neng kan jian
With my eys closed, I can still see

妳離去的痕跡
ni li qu de hen ji
The traces of your departure

在月光下一直找尋
zai yue guang xia yi zhi zhao xun
I keep searching under the moonlight

那想念的身影
na xiang nian de shen ying
For that silhouette that I’m thinking of

*如果說分手 是苦痛的起點
ru guo shuo fen shou shi ku tong de qi dian
If breaking up can be said to be the starting point of pain

那在終點之前 我願意再愛一遍
na zai zhong dian zhi qian wo yuan yi zai ai yi bian
Then before the final destination point, I’m willing to love once again

想要對妳說的 不敢說的愛
xiang yao dui ni shuo de bu gan shuo de ai
I want to tell you, the love that I dare not express

會不會有人 可以明白
hui bu hui you ren ke yi ming bai
Will anyone be able to understand

Chorus

我會發著呆 然後忘記妳
wo hui fa zhe dai ran hou wang ji ni
I will be staring off into space, then I will forget you

接著緊緊閉上眼
jie zhe jin jin bi shang yan
And then tightly close my eyes

想著那一天 會有人代替
xiang zhe na yi tian hui you ren dai ti
Thinking about that day, when there will be someone who’ll take your place

讓我不再想念妳
rang wo bu zai xiang nian ni
So that I will not think about you anymore

我會發著呆 然後微微笑
wo hui fa zhe dai ran hou wei wei xiao
I will be staring off into space, then I will break into a smile

接著緊緊閉上眼
jie zhe jin jin bi shang yan
And then tightly close my eyes

又想了一遍 妳溫柔的臉
you xiang le yi bian ni wen rou de lian
Thinking once again, your tender face

在我忘記之前
zai wo wang ji zhi qian
Before I forget

Repeat Verse 2, *, first part of Chorus, whole Chorus

心裡的眼淚 模糊了視線
xin li de yan lei mo hu le shi xian
The tears in my heart, have blurred my vision

妳已快看不見
ni yi kuai kan bu jian
You almost can’t see it anymore

>>November 14, 2012 at 6:33:57 PM GMT+8

2012 年 11 月 10 日 星期六 【晴】

:'( i miss him..

i didnt do much these few days, just slept a lot, updated some of the emergency procedure
hand book. i wanna tidy up my stuffs and painted my nails, but i m just lazy and a little sad.

i updated my cover pic on facebook. now it's ''UP'' the main characters there.
it was a great movie.. its about a dream couldn't be be achieved, but somehow he made it came
true, with a kid instead of his wife. i wish we could hold hands and lie on the grass watching
the sky. it might not work, coz he doesnt hold hands. anyway...

hummmm lately i start to using my chinese name instead of my english name..
just think that actually my chinese name is very beautiful and given by my parents.
not completely coz they found the fortune teller to arrange for me. but yea.... i like my chinese
name and english name.. and i remember honey uses my chinese name instead, but he also
gave me a nick name.

Cas, are you gonna rest well tonight? no more nightmares yea?

>>November 11, 2012 at 11:58:11 AM GMT+8

2012 年 11 月 7 日 星期三 【晴】

hi.. i havent been here for awhile already.. have been busy the last week.

i flew for 5 days, and somehow i cannot remember what day today is or even the date.
i only know if id need to fly today and tomorrow, what about the reporting time and where
to go. if i have double checked the roster, if i have packed my apron, my PA handbook,
my notes, my makeup bag, my overnight kit, my low heel shoes...

i m used to my everyday routine, so if anyone interupted me while i m preparing myself,
i usually would get annoyed. coz my time is always limited, and i need to spend a long time
with my long hair up do, that french twist thing doesn't always work on the first try. i feel
stressed to do french twist, but making a bun is also time consuming... so... i still go for the
french twist first. then, i also need to make my coffee, take vitamin, and ate some fruit
before i go. if i have biscuit, id bring some. so when i get back to the office before reporting
time i could have some bites at the crew launch. before i leave home, i d need to double
check my 7 flying documents including my traveling documents...

if anyone talked to me while i m concentrating on my stuffs, i would be easily distracted
and forget something. it always happens. and if i miss my bus, i m gonna be mad.

tomorrow would be the standby again. and the day after, they already have mesg me
for the duty. so yea, i will fly the day after. kindda feel that they wont call me tmr, but who knows?
if they call, then i get money. so it's not that bad. but if they dont, i'd need to tidy up my things
and also study and prepare for the conversion training.

i went to hang zhou few days ago. it wasnt too bad. i like staying outport, its like a little
get away trip.. but of course its tough work, coz it was the 1-3 pattern.

honey and i had a chat yesterday.. i miss him. he still expects one day i d leave.
i cant say its right or wrong, but i dont feel good about that. it feels like i m not accepted.
but somehow i can understand why he thinks this way and i dont know what i can do.
i have also told him what i think and how i feel. and.... of course i'd like to get marry,
i m not that young actually. but it's hard to say. i dont easily fall for anyone so deep.
i easily get hurt, so i m scared these days. but i also keep being keen and nice to ppl,
coz its me, and i wanna be me. i like myself more this way. i hope things would be fine soon.
i really love him a lot and want to be with him. if he does too, i hope he wont keep me waiting
for too long. i dont wanna rush him, coz he has enough stress already. same here, i have
came to realise good life doesnt come easily and i 'm really really lucky i have a great
family. we are not rich, but we do love each others and we are fine living together.

by the way....... i listened to Bonnie, i sent the pics, and i m selected... i dont know who else
got selected.. but i m a little worried. i dont wanna be famous at work. i just wanna do my
job, i mean.. what the company expects me to do, i wanna do it perfectly and professionally.
i wanna be outstanding, above the company standard but it's really hard to achieve.
so i have a long way to go. even if i change company one day, my goal would still be the same.
well, of course keep the pax safe and happy is always my first priority. so yea...

sometimes some pax are really nasty. i hate it when the situation freaked me out..
they are either extremely rude or extremely dirty and stinky. its just nasty. i need to hide
my emotion at the spot. i need to deal with the fact and the situation but not my own judgment
on that person. its a big lesson. and its lucky that i found it by myself not by someone else.

long way to go to polish myself in this field.

i miss him, i wanna see him soon...



如果痴痴的等某日終於可等到一生中最愛
誰介意你我這段情每每碰上了意外不清楚未來
何曾願意　我心中所愛　每天要孤單看海
if i am patient, i would get the only one i love in my life.
who cares if there'd be uncertainty or incidents?
i never wanted to let my love alone everyday

寧願一生都不說話都不想講假說話欺騙你
留意到你我這段情你會發覺間隔著一點點距離
無言地愛　我偏不敢說說一句想跟你一起　哦
i rather be quiet and silent than to lie to you or deceive you.
if you pay attention, you would find there's always some distance between us in our relationship.
i would keep silence, because i dont dare to tell you or let you know i want to be with you.

如真　如假　如何分身飾演自己
會將心中的溫柔　獻出給你唯有的知己
如痴　如醉　還盼你懂珍惜自己
有天即使分離　我都想你
its real, it's fake, i dont know how to pull myself together to show you who i am
if i could, i will give you all my love from my heart, you're my only one.
i'm in love, and i still hope you would cherish yourself and love yourself.
if we'd need to separate, i will think of you, i will miss you.

我真的想你
i do miss you so much.

如果痴痴的等
某日終於可等到一生中最愛
if i keep waiting and waiting, maybe someday i could be with you, my only love in my life.




>>November 8, 2012 at 4:04:31 PM GMT+8

2012 年 11 月 2 日 星期五 【晴】

today the flight was delayed in hk, then delayed for almost 2 hrs in shanghai as well...
it was light loading, but since lots of pax having the connecting flight, they werent very happy.

these few days... i dont know... somehow i cant even remember what day today is..
its like... when i got up, i thought today is a weekday. but its already Sat.. and the bus schedule
is different today, and the company shuttle bus schedule is also different. and i was messed up.
so this morning was quite rushed, but lucky i managed to leave home on time, and there was
no traffic jam, i arrived early.

work was okay... not always meeting nice crews but still alright. then the passengers are kindda
hard to deal with sometimes. some weirdos, some assholes... some super nice guys or grannies.
i've heard about some pre-cautionary emergency landing. i've been on a bumpy flight that made
me felt like i was on the roller coaster. some pax has touched my shoulders when i was checking
his seatbelt. i didnt like the way he looked at me, i just couldnt expect that he would actually
tapped my shoulders to say thank when i needed to check his seatbelt. some rude pax pulled
my sleeves when the pax behind him was talking with me. he was fucking rude in any ways
already. i think he forgot i was a flight attendant not his maid. he was really rude, so did his friends.
i was nice and polite, but after a bunch of rude attitude and bullshit, i decided to give him a direct
and firm eye-contact, speaking with a louder voice, yet with the big smile. then he calmed down.
i hate stupid ppl like that. and apparently there are many pax they dont know what danger means.

i m very tired. i need lots of sleep... and i eat a lot, but i m surprised i still lost weight. i thought
i gained but i lost. hummmm i wanna lose more actually.

i havent been to the post office yet, but i have done the banking already.

honey's little holiday is done.. i hope he at least he had some good rest.. he needs rest.

i m not in a good mood.. its like.. there are lots of things i wanna do but i cant do..
at work, at home... for myself, for others.















>>November 3, 2012 at 3:50:11 PM GMT+8

2012 年 10 月 28 日 星期日 【晴】

seriously... sometimes, i dont know if i m living in a dream or it's real.
sometimes i'd ask myself if everything's real. coz i cant tell. its hard to describe.
maybe one day ppl would come telling me cas, you're just dreaming, it's not real.
i m not having an extremely well life, i m not a cinderella neither. but i just want to hear
what i have now isnt fake. i m a real person, everything is real.

then i would start to wonder what would happen next.
i m not paranoid or too bored to start getting crazy. i do want to know what's next.
i seem having a good life, well i m with my family working my dream job, things arent perfect
but not bad i'd need to say. it seems perfect but no one actually knows how i feel.
i m not complaining coz i am not qualified to complain. but i just wanna know what's next.

i'd go to bed first.. Cas, dont think too much. sleep.
i feel dizzy and yesterday i was having a hangover from the day before.
i didnt drink. i was just too exhausted that i was half dead that night.. then yesterday i was
on standby, lucky didnt get called. i was total blackout on the sofa the whole morning till
afternoon. then i felt so shitty.

anyway, Cas.......... sleep.

>>October 29, 2012 at 3:15:28 PM GMT+8

2012 年 10 月 25 日 星期四 【晴】









>>October 26, 2012 at 11:20:05 AM GMT+8

2012 年 10 月 24 日 星期三 【晴】

i had my first overnight at hang zhou the day before and yesterday.
it was fun. coz.... the crews were really nice, then the hotel was really nice.
we went out at night to get some late dinner on the street. then back to the hotel room to
eat together and kept chatting. they told me lots of stories of the crews. they were gossips,
but no hatreds or anything, just rumours between ppl. we finished ard 2 sth am... then i went
back to my room and took a long shower, then stayed in bed watching movies, and of course,
i took lots of pics haha... for honey as well. then i hung around by myself the next morning.
i got up very early, then put on make up but didnt do my hair yet... i walked around, did some
shopping, very cheap stuffs but yea just something to bring home actually. then i bought
some pokey for honey too. then i came back to the hotel on time to meet with a more senior
crew, then we walked to the West Lake together. its very famous there, but we couldnt
finish it, then we rushed back. i bought lunch from the fastfood restaurant nearby the hotel,
then ate in my room and started doing my hair, then packed stuffs and got changed.
then checked out and waited for the others at the lobby..

the return flight was fun, coz i was positioning only. then i watched them doing ground prep
on the A320. i havent been on A320 before, i will have the conversion training by the end of
Nov next month. then they knew i havent been to the cockpit for take off and landing. so,
they invited me in :) it was really cool. the cockpit crews were very nice as well.
then yea, coz the flight was delayed, so they canceled my taiwan flight duty. it was supposed
to be the turn around flight. and it's canceled. so basically no duty yesterday. but i lost around
2 flying hours. hummmmm yea....

then when i got home last night i was super tired... tried to fix the pics which i wanted to send
honey, but my iphoto isnt working.. the photo stream has problem... i tried to fix it this morning
too. but not working.... anyway, today i got up late, i had 9 hrs sleep... still not enough though.
then i went out meeting with Karen. my close friend from college. she was my best buddy at
school. i really liked hanging out with her :) very comfortable. so we ate and did some shopping
together. i bought some jam, and a jacket. i really need that jacket.

then hummmmm tomorrow would be off too. i dont know.. i want some rest.
but i also wanna go check out the candles at central. but it's really far... then i will have standby
for 3 days in a row starting from Sat. i might take a temp job on Sat if no call that day.
i hope no call on that day but calls on Sun and Mon both days. i want more flying hrs, more
money...... i wanna earn more. i also wanna go exercise and the church.. i m thinking tmr i can
go jogging actually. then... yea...

i miss him.. when i was in hang zhou, i wanted to email him.. but then i was late on the first night,
then the next day i was in a rush whenever i was inside the hotel where the only place i got the
internet. then.... yea... i dont wanna be so annoying as well actually. he doesnt usually reply
my email unless it's something important. so yea...... i guess i shouldnt disturb him...
sigh... i dont know......... i wish he was there with me.

>>October 25, 2012 at 3:35:04 PM GMT+8

2012 年 10 月 21 日 星期日 【晴】

i m about to leave home soon..., well, around 1 pm or maybe earlier..
i gotta spend some time with my mail box today. have to drop them the baggage handles,
then i also need to print out the new roster, and take some copies. they dropped me some
notes at my mailbox. it's great. another version.

i have the late flight today, turn around. reporting time at 3:25pm, then arrive hk ard 11pm,
duty ends at 11:35. hopping for no delay, otherwise i might not be able to catch the last
bus at 12am tonight.

i was hanging around the whole day yesterday... i went to central first.
i went to the general post office. i sent him another box :) i have got too much stuffs for him,
so, i just wanna sent some of them first.. then.. yea... went to ifc to say hi, i went to the apple
store. then i took ferry to tsim sha tsui, then take MTR to sham shui po to meet with
Unice. it was nice to hang out with her. then we went making the baggage handles. then,
we went mong kok. showed her around.. we ate and hanged around. then i came home..
my legs are still very painful. but i have duty today.. going to shanghai, PVG again.
i hope the crews today are nicer than the last time... i hope i wont be working at the front
galley. i hope not too much jackets to hang, i hope not too much babies. i love them but
then it's also greater responsibility, coz i would definitely pay extra attention to them and the
mothers or guardians. it's my job and also my personal concern whether they are comfortable
or not of if they need anything.. what about places for the breast feeding if any, or where to
change diaper. what about baby bassinet, if they need it or not, if yes then many procedures.
what about baby food, we need to serve as the special meal. but yea, if they want it, i d do it.
then also for the grannies, need extra attention too. i usually just offer blankets and pillows
before they asked. basically i reserved for them first before i was asked by the younger adults.
same as the children. i usually say hi or greet their guardians first as well.. then blankets and
pillows.. and i 'd check on them before and after take off, make sure they know how to use
the seatbelt or the child seatbelt. or to see if they have ear pain and stuffs like that...
i'm a house keeper and a health care person...

i got up ard 7 30 this morning... had coffee, breakfast, studied a bit.. havent finished...
but i'm about to start getting ready to leave... i should leave around 1 pm.
i also shared the old pics on Facebook, the pics from the last day of ifc. i hadnt done that
till today. i was lazy and ..... didnt really have the feelings to do so... but now it's time to
do that. coz i have really really done my training and get started with my new job here,
my dream (still continue achieving it,) so... everything had already came to an end at the ifc.
i went back to ifc yesterday, saw my friend Mandy and some other girls there. so familiar,
and everything smells so familiar. but i'm gone. i finally moved on. from the girl back from
Vancouver being apart with her honey, till dropping to the hell of ifc, then floating around the
bullshit with the bitches and friends, then striving to leave them behind, for 1 year and 9 months,
then i was done with that. many things happened personally and at work... i realised i couldnt
leave my honey. i havent dropped him, i wont leave him. then visited two times, then back to
HK again with fears and worries. lots of things on my mind but i know i have to try and try.
and i applied to all airlines i could to get the chance working as a flight attendant which's always
my dream. and finally... with all the support from honey and joyce, and my family and close
friends, we made it... the training, the swimming, the exams and quizes.. everything....
here i am. i m not the popular one anymore since i dont know when. i have changed. but i am
who i am. i m still me. there're lots of things i dont know ahead. i m not sure. but, i will keep
going. i might be unsure or get scared easily. but i d try. when i'm tired, i know i have him.
i have my family and friends. i trust in God as well. thanks God for everything.
i wanna be there for honey, i want him, i want him so bad. i want to be with him.

and one more thing... he finally said he missed me. heehee.

anyway... i need to get back to the revision. i dont know how the flight would be...
hope it'd be fine..



>>October 22, 2012 at 2:43:13 AM GMT+8